England, My England
And Other Stories
by D.H. Lawrence
contents
1.England, My England 2.Tickets, Please 3.The Blind Man 4.Monkey Nuts 5.Wintry Peacock 6.You Touched Me 7.Samson and Delilah 8.The Primrose Path 9.The Horse Dealer’s Daughter 10.Fanny and Annie
1.ENGLAND, MY ENGLAND
He was working on the edge of the common, beyond
the small brook that ran in the dip at the bottom of the garden, carrying the
garden path in continuation from the plank bridge on to the common. He had cut
the rough turf and bracken, leaving the grey, dryish soil bare. But he was
worried because he could not get the path straight, there was a pleat between
his brows. He had set up his sticks, and taken the sights between the big pine
trees, but for some reason everything seemed wrong. He looked again, straining
his keen blue eyes, that had a touch of the Viking in them, through the shadowy
pine trees as through a doorway, at the green-grassed garden-path rising from
the shadow of alders by the log bridge up to the sunlit flowers. Tall white and
purple columbines, and the butt-end of the old Hampshire cottage that crouched
near the earth amid flowers, blossoming in the bit of shaggy wildness round
about.
There was a sound of
children’s voices calling and talking: high, childish, girlish voices, slightly
didactic and tinged with domineering: “If you don’t come quick, nurse, I shall
run out there to where there are snakes.” And nobody had the sang-froid to
reply: “Run then, little fool.” It was always, “No, darling. Very well,
darling. In a moment, darling. Darling, you must be patient.”
His heart was hard with
disillusion: a continual gnawing and resistance. But he worked on. What was
there to do but submit!
The sunlight blazed down
upon the earth, there was a vividness of flamy vegetation, of fierce seclusion
amid the savage peace of the commons. Strange how the savage England lingers in
patches: as here, amid these shaggy gorse commons, and marshy, snake infested
places near the foot of the south downs. The spirit of place lingering on primeval,
as when the Saxons came, so long ago.
Ah, how he had loved it!
The green garden path, the tufts of flowers, purple and white columbines, and
great oriental red poppies with their black chaps and mulleins tall and yellow,
this flamy garden which had been a garden for a thousand years, scooped out in
the little hollow among the snake-infested commons. He had made it flame with
flowers, in a sun cup under its hedges and trees. So old, so old a place! And
yet he had re-created it.
The timbered cottage with
its sloping, cloak-like roof was old and forgotten. It belonged to the old
England of hamlets and yeomen. Lost all alone on the edge of the common, at the
end of a wide, grassy, briar-entangled lane shaded with oak, it had never known
the world of today. Not till Egbert came with his bride. And he had come to
fill it with flowers.
The house was ancient
and very uncomfortable. But he did not want to alter it. Ah, marvellous to sit
there in the wide, black, time-old chimney, at night when the wind roared
overhead, and the wood which he had chopped himself sputtered on the hearth!
Himself on one side the angle, and Winifred on the other.
Ah, how he had wanted
her: Winifred! She was young and beautiful and strong with life, like a flame
in sunshine. She moved with a slow grace of energy like a blossoming,
red-flowered bush in motion. She, too, seemed to come out of the old England,
ruddy, strong, with a certain crude, passionate quiescence and a hawthorn
robustness. And he, he was tall and slim and agile, like an English archer with
his long supple legs and fine movements. Her hair was nut-brown and all in
energic curls and tendrils. Her eyes were nut-brown, too, like a robin’s for
brightness. And he was white-skinned with fine, silky hair that had darkened from
fair, and a slightly arched nose of an old country family. They were a
beautiful couple.
The house was
Winifred’s. Her father was a man of energy, too. He had come from the north
poor. Now he was moderately rich. He had bought this fair stretch of inexpensive
land, down in Hampshire. Not far from the tiny church of the almost extinct
hamlet stood his own house, a commodious old farmhouse standing back from the
road across a bare grassed yard. On one side of this quadrangle was the long,
long barn or shed which he had made into a cottage for his youngest daughter
Priscilla. One saw little blue-and-white check curtains at the long windows,
and inside, overhead, the grand old timbers of the high-pitched shed. This was
Prissy’s house. Fifty yards away was the pretty little new cottage which he had
built for his daughter Magdalen, with the vegetable garden stretching away to
the oak copse. And then away beyond the lawns and rose trees of the
house-garden went the track across a shaggy, wild grass space, towards the
ridge of tall black pines that grew on a dyke-bank, through the pines and above
the sloping little bog, under the wide, desolate oak trees, till there was
Winifred’s cottage crouching unexpectedly in front, so much alone, and so
primitive.
It was Winifred’s own
house, and the gardens and the bit of common and the boggy slope were hers: her
tiny domain. She had married just at the time when her father had bought the
estate, about ten years before the war, so she had been able to come to Egbert
with this for a marriage portion. And who was more delighted, he or she, it
would be hard to say. She was only twenty at the time, and he was only
twenty-one. He had about a hundred and fifty pounds a year of his own—and
nothing else but his very considerable personal attractions. He had no
profession: he earned nothing. But he talked of literature and music, he had a
passion for old folk-music, collecting folk-songs and folk-dances, studying the
Morris-dance and the old customs. Of course in time he would make money in
these ways.
Meanwhile youth and
health and passion and promise. Winifred’s father was always generous: but
still, he was a man from the north with a hard head and a hard skin too, having
received a good many knocks. At home he kept the hard head out of sight, and
played at poetry and romance with his literary wife and his sturdy, passionate
girls. He was a man of courage, not given to complaining, bearing his burdens
by himself. No, he did not let the world intrude far into his home. He had a
delicate, sensitive wife whose poetry won some fame in the narrow world of
letters. He himself, with his tough old barbarian fighting spirit, had an
almost child-like delight in verse, in sweet poetry, and in the delightful game
of a cultured home. His blood was strong even to coarseness. But that only made
the home more vigorous, more robust and Christmassy. There was always a touch
of Christmas about him, now he was well off. If there was poetry after dinner,
there were also chocolates and nuts, and good little out-of-the-way things to
be munching.
Well then, into this
family came Egbert. He was made of quite a different paste. The girls and the
father were strong-limbed, thick-blooded people, true English, as holly-trees
and hawthorn are English. Their culture was grafted on to them, as one might
perhaps graft a common pink rose on to a thornstem. It flowered oddly enough,
but it did not alter their blood.
And Egbert was a born
rose. The age-long breeding had left him with a delightful spontaneous passion.
He was not clever, nor even “literary”. No, but the intonation of his voice,
and the movement of his supple, handsome body, and the fine texture of his
flesh and his hair, the slight arch of his nose, the quickness of his blue eyes
would easily take the place of poetry. Winifred loved him, loved him, this
southerner, as a higher being. A higher being, mind you. Not a
deeper. And as for him, he loved her in passion with every fibre of him. She
was the very warm stuff of life to him.
Wonderful then, those
days at Crockham Cottage, the first days, all alone save for the woman who came
to work in the mornings. Marvellous days, when she had all his tall, supple,
fine-fleshed youth to herself, for herself, and he had her like a ruddy fire
into which he could cast himself for rejuvenation. Ah, that it might never end,
this passion, this marriage! The flame of their two bodies burnt again into
that old cottage, that was haunted already by so much by-gone, physical desire.
You could not be in the dark room for an hour without the influences coming
over you. The hot blood-desire of by-gone yeomen, there in this old den where
they had lusted and bred for so many generations. The silent house, dark, with
thick, timbered walls and the big black chimney-place, and the sense of secrecy.
Dark, with low, little windows, sunk into the earth. Dark, like a lair where
strong beasts had lurked and mated, lonely at night and lonely by day, left to
themselves and their own intensity for so many generations. It seemed to cast a
spell on the two young people. They became different. There was a curious
secret glow about them, a certain slumbering flame hard to understand, that
enveloped them both. They too felt that they did not belong to the London world
any more. Crockham had changed their blood: the sense of the snakes that lived
and slept even in their own garden, in the sun, so that he, going forward with
the spade, would see a curious coiled brownish pile on the black soil, which
suddenly would start up, hiss, and dazzle rapidly away, hissing. One day
Winifred heard the strangest scream from the flower-bed under the low window of
the living room: ah, the strangest scream, like the very soul of the dark past
crying aloud. She ran out, and saw a long brown snake on the flower-bed, and in
its flat mouth the one hind leg of a frog was striving to escape, and screaming
its strange, tiny, bellowing scream. She looked at the snake, and from its
sullen flat head it looked at her, obstinately. She gave a cry, and it released
the frog and slid angrily away.
That was Crockham. The
spear of modern invention had not passed through it, and it lay there secret,
primitive, savage as when the Saxons first came. And Egbert and she were caught
there, caught out of the world.
He was not idle, nor was
she. There were plenty of things to be done, the house to be put into final
repair after the workmen had gone, cushions and curtains to sew, the paths to
make, the water to fetch and attend to, and then the slope of the deep-soiled,
neglected garden to level, to terrace with little terraces and paths, and to
fill with flowers. He worked away, in his shirt-sleeves, worked all day
intermittently doing this thing and the other. And she, quiet and rich in
herself, seeing him stooping and labouring away by himself, would come to help
him, to be near him. He of course was an amateur—a born amateur. He worked so
hard, and did so little, and nothing he ever did would hold together for long.
If he terraced the garden, he held up the earth with a couple of long narrow
planks that soon began to bend with the pressure from behind, and would not
need many years to rot through and break and let the soil slither all down
again in a heap towards the stream-bed. But there you are. He had not been
brought up to come to grips with anything, and he thought it would do. Nay, he
did not think there was anything else except little temporary contrivances
possible, he who had such a passion for his old enduring cottage, and for the
old enduring things of the bygone England. Curious that the sense of permanency
in the past had such a hold over him, whilst in the present he was all
amateurish and sketchy.
Winifred could not
criticize him. Town-bred, everything seemed to her splendid, and the very
digging and shovelling itself seemed romantic. But neither Egbert nor she yet
realised the difference between work and romance.
Godfrey Marshall, her
father, was at first perfectly pleased with the ménage down at Crockham
Cottage. He thought Egbert was wonderful, the many things he accomplished, and
he was gratified by the glow of physical passion between the two young people.
To the man who in London still worked hard to keep steady his modest fortune,
the thought of this young couple digging away and loving one another down at
Crockham Cottage, buried deep among the commons and marshes, near the
pale-showing bulk of the downs, was like a chapter of living romance. And they
drew the sustenance for their fire of passion from him, from the old man. It
was he who fed their flame. He triumphed secretly in the thought. And it was to
her father that Winifred still turned, as the one source of all surety and life
and support. She loved Egbert with passion. But behind her was the power of her
father. It was the power of her father she referred to, whenever she needed to
refer. It never occurred to her to refer to Egbert, if she were in difficulty
or doubt. No, in all the serious matters she depended on her
father.
For Egbert had no
intention of coming to grips with life. He had no ambition whatsoever. He came
from a decent family, from a pleasant country home, from delightful
surroundings. He should, of course, have had a profession. He should have
studied law or entered business in some way. But no—that fatal three pounds a
week would keep him from starving as long as he lived, and he did not want to
give himself into bondage. It was not that he was idle. He was always doing
something, in his amateurish way. But he had no desire to give himself to the
world, and still less had he any desire to fight his way in the world. No, no,
the world wasn’t worth it. He wanted to ignore it, to go his own way apart,
like a casual pilgrim down the forsaken sidetracks. He loved his wife, his
cottage and garden. He would make his life there, as a sort of epicurean
hermit. He loved the past, the old music and dances and customs of old England.
He would try and live in the spirit of these, not in the spirit of the world of
business.
But often Winifred’s
father called her to London: for he loved to have his children round him. So
Egbert and she must have a tiny flat in town, and the young couple must
transfer themselves from time to time from the country to the city. In town
Egbert had plenty of friends, of the same ineffectual sort as himself,
tampering with the arts, literature, painting, sculpture, music. He was not
bored.
Three pounds a week,
however, would not pay for all this. Winifred’s father paid. He liked paying.
He made her only a very small allowance, but he often gave her ten pounds—or
gave Egbert ten pounds. So they both looked on the old man as the mainstay.
Egbert didn’t mind being patronized and paid for. Only when he felt the family
was a little too condescending, on account of money, he began
to get huffy.
Then of course children
came: a lovely little blonde daughter with a head of thistle-down. Everybody
adored the child. It was the first exquisite blonde thing that had come into
the family, a little mite with the white, slim, beautiful limbs of its father,
and as it grew up the dancing, dainty movement of a wild little daisy-spirit.
No wonder the Marshalls all loved the child: they called her Joyce. They
themselves had their own grace, but it was slow, rather heavy. They had
everyone of them strong, heavy limbs and darkish skins, and they were short in
stature. And now they had for one of their own this light little cowslip child.
She was like a little poem in herself.
But nevertheless, she
brought a new difficulty. Winifred must have a nurse for her. Yes, yes, there
must be a nurse. It was the family decree. Who was to pay for the nurse? The
grandfather—seeing the father himself earned no money. Yes, the grandfather
would pay, as he had paid all the lying-in expenses. There came a slight sense
of money-strain. Egbert was living on his father-in-law.
After the child was
born, it was never quite the same between him and Winifred. The difference was
at first hardly perceptible. But it was there. In the first place Winifred had
a new centre of interest. She was not going to adore her child. But she had
what the modern mother so often has in the place of spontaneous love: a
profound sense of duty towards her child. Winifred appreciated her darling
little girl, and felt a deep sense of duty towards her. Strange, that this
sense of duty should go deeper than the love for her husband. But so it was.
And so it often is. The responsibility of motherhood was the prime
responsibility in Winifred’s heart: the responsibility of wifehood came a long
way second.
Her child seemed to link
her up again in a circuit with her own family. Her father and mother, herself,
and her child, that was the human trinity for her. Her husband—? Yes, she loved
him still. But that was like play. She had an almost barbaric sense of duty and
of family. Till she married, her first human duty had been towards her father:
he was the pillar, the source of life, the everlasting support. Now another
link was added to the chain of duty: her father, herself, and her child.
Egbert was out of it.
Without anything happening, he was gradually, unconsciously excluded from the
circle. His wife still loved him, physically. But, but—he was almost the
unnecessary party in the affair. He could not complain of Winifred. She still
did her duty towards him. She still had a physical passion for him, that
physical passion on which he had put all his life and soul. But—but—
It was for a long while
an ever-recurring but. And then, after the second child, another
blonde, winsome touching little thing, not so proud and flame-like as Joyce;
after Annabel came, then Egbert began truly to realise how it was. His wife
still loved him. But—and now the but had grown enormous—her physical love for
him was of secondary importance to her. It became ever less important. After
all, she had had it, this physical passion, for two years now. It was not this that
one lived from. No, no—something sterner, realer.
She began to resent her
own passion for Egbert—just a little she began to despise it. For after all
there he was, he was charming, he was lovable, he was terribly desirable.
But—but—oh, the awful looming cloud of that but!—He did not stand
firm in the landscape of her life like a tower of strength, like a great pillar
of significance. No, he was like a cat one has about the house, which will one
day disappear and leave no trace. He was like a flower in the garden, trembling
in the wind of life, and then gone, leaving nothing to show. As an adjunct, as
an accessory, he was perfect. Many a woman would have adored to have him about
her all her life, the most beautiful and desirable of all her possessions. But
Winifred belonged to another school.
The years went by, and
instead of coming more to grips with life, he relaxed more. He was of a subtle,
sensitive, passionate nature. But he simply would not give
himself to what Winifred called life, Work. No, he would not go
into the world and work for money. No, he just would not. If Winifred liked to
live beyond their small income—well, it was her look-out.
And Winifred did not
really want him to go out into the world to work for money. Money became, alas,
a word like a firebrand between them, setting them both aflame with anger. But
that is because we must talk in symbols. Winifred did not really care about
money. She did not care whether he earned or did not earn anything. Only she
knew she was dependent on her father for three-fourths of the money spent for
herself and her children, that she let that be the casus belli, the
drawn weapon between herself and Egbert.
What did she want—what
did she want? Her mother once said to her, with that characteristic touch of
irony: “Well, dear, if it is your fate to consider the lilies, that toil not,
neither do they spin, that is one destiny among many others, and perhaps not so
unpleasant as most. Why do you take it amiss, my child?”
The mother was subtler
than her children, they very rarely knew how to answer her. So Winifred was
only more confused. It was not a question of lilies. At least, if it were a
question of lilies, then her children were the little blossoms. They at
least grew. Doesn’t Jesus say: “Consider the lilies how
they grow.” Good then, she had her growing babies. But as for that other
tall, handsome flower of a father of theirs, he was full grown already, so she
did not want to spend her life considering him in the flower of his days.
No, it was not that he
didn’t earn money. It was not that he was idle. He was not idle.
He was always doing something, always working away, down at Crockham, doing
little jobs. But, oh dear, the little jobs—the garden paths—the gorgeous
flowers—the chairs to mend, old chairs to mend!
It was that he stood for
nothing. If he had done something unsuccessfully, and lost what
money they had! If he had but striven with something. Nay, even if he had been
wicked, a waster, she would have been more free. She would have had something
to resist, at least. A waster stands for something, really. He says: “No, I
will not aid and abet society in this business of increase and hanging
together, I will upset the apple-cart as much as I can, in my small way.” Or
else he says: “No, I will not bother about others. If I have
lusts, they are my own, and I prefer them to other people’s virtues.” So, a
waster, a scamp, takes a sort of stand. He exposes himself to opposition and
final castigation: at any rate in story-books.
But Egbert! What are you
to do with a man like Egbert? He had no vices. He was really kind, nay
generous. And he was not weak. If he had been weak Winifred could have been
kind to him. But he did not even give her that consolation. He was not weak,
and he did not want her consolation or her kindness. No, thank you. He was of a
fine passionate temper, and of a rarer steel than she. He knew it, and she knew
it. Hence she was only the more baffled and maddened, poor thing. He, the
higher, the finer, in his way the stronger, played with his garden, and his old
folk-songs and Morris-dances, just played, and let her support the pillars of
the future on her own heart.
And he began to get
bitter, and a wicked look began to come on his face. He did not give in to her;
not he. There were seven devils inside his long, slim, white body. He was
healthy, full of restrained life. Yes, even he himself had to lock up his own
vivid life inside himself, now she would not take it from him. Or rather, now
that she only took it occasionally. For she had to yield at times. She loved
him so, she desired him so, he was so exquisite to her, the fine creature that
he was, finer than herself. Yes, with a groan she had to give in to her own
unquenched passion for him. And he came to her then—ah, terrible, ah,
wonderful, sometimes she wondered how either of them could live after the
terror of the passion that swept between them. It was to her as if pure
lightning, flash after flash, went through every fibre of her, till extinction
came.
But it is the fate of
human beings to live on. And it is the fate of clouds that seem nothing but
bits of vapour slowly to pile up, to pile up and fill the heavens and blacken
the sun entirely.
So it was. The love came
back, the lightning of passion flashed tremendously between them. And there was
blue sky and gorgeousness for a little while. And then, as inevitably, as
inevitably, slowly the clouds began to edge up again above the horizon, slowly,
slowly to lurk about the heavens, throwing an occasional cold and hateful
shadow: slowly, slowly to congregate, to fill the empyrean space.
And as the years passed,
the lightning cleared the sky more and more rarely, less and less the blue
showed. Gradually the grey lid sank down upon them, as if it would be
permanent.
Why didn’t Egbert do
something, then? Why didn’t he come to grips with life? Why wasn’t he like
Winifred’s father, a pillar of society, even if a slender, exquisite column?
Why didn’t he go into harness of some sort? Why didn’t he take some direction?
Well, you can bring an
ass to the water, but you cannot make him drink. The world was the water and
Egbert was the ass. And he wasn’t having any. He couldn’t: he just couldn’t.
Since necessity did not force him to work for his bread and butter, he would
not work for work’s sake. You can’t make the columbine flowers nod in January,
nor make the cuckoo sing in England at Christmas. Why? It isn’t his season. He
doesn’t want to. Nay, he can’t want to.
And there it was with
Egbert. He couldn’t link up with the world’s work, because the basic desire was
absent from him. Nay, at the bottom of him he had an even stronger desire: to
hold aloof. To hold aloof. To do nobody any damage. But to hold aloof. It was
not his season.
Perhaps he should not
have married and had children. But you can’t stop the waters flowing.
Which held true for
Winifred, too. She was not made to endure aloof. Her family tree was a robust
vegetation that had to be stirring and believing. In one direction or another
her life had to go. In her own home she had known nothing of
this diffidence which she found in Egbert, and which she could not understand,
and which threw her into such dismay. What was she to do, what was she to do,
in face of this terrible diffidence?
It was all so different
in her own home. Her father may have had his own misgivings, but he kept them
to himself. Perhaps he had no very profound belief in this world of ours, this
society which we have elaborated with so much effort, only to find ourselves
elaborated to death at last. But Godfrey Marshall was of tough, rough fibre,
not without a vein of healthy cunning through it all. It was for him a question
of winning through, and leaving the rest to heaven. Without having many
illusions to grace him, he still did believe in heaven. In a
dark and unquestioning way, he had a sort of faith: an acrid faith like the sap
of some not-to-be-exterminated tree. Just a blind acrid faith as sap is blind
and acrid, and yet pushes on in growth and in faith. Perhaps he was
unscrupulous, but only as a striving tree is unscrupulous, pushing its single
way in a jungle of others.
In the end, it is only
this robust, sap-like faith which keeps man going. He may live on for many
generations inside the shelter of the social establishment which he has erected
for himself, as pear-trees and currant bushes would go on bearing fruit for
many seasons, inside a walled garden, even if the race of man were suddenly
exterminated. But bit by bit the wall-fruit-trees would gradually pull down the
very walls that sustained them. Bit by bit every establishment collapses,
unless it is renewed or restored by living hands, all the while.
Egbert could not bring
himself to any more of this restoring or renewing business. He was not aware of
the fact: but awareness doesn’t help much, anyhow. He just couldn’t. He had the
stoic and epicurean quality of his old, fine breeding. His father-in-law,
however, though he was not one bit more of a fool than Egbert, realised that
since we are here we may as well live. And so he applied himself to his own
tiny section of the social work, and to doing the best for his family, and to
leaving the rest to the ultimate will of heaven. A certain robustness of blood
made him able to go on. But sometimes even from him spurted a sudden gall of
bitterness against the world and its make-up. And yet—he had his own
will-to-succeed, and this carried him through. He refused to ask himself what
the success would amount to. It amounted to the estate down in Hampshire, and
his children lacking for nothing, and himself of some importance in the world:
and basta!—Basta! Basta!
Nevertheless do not let
us imagine that he was a common pusher. He was not. He knew as well as Egbert
what disillusion meant. Perhaps in his soul he had the same estimation of
success. But he had a certain acrid courage, and a certain will-to-power. In
his own small circle he would emanate power, the single power of his own blind
self. With all his spoiling of his children, he was still the father of the old
English type. He was too wise to make laws and to domineer in the abstract. But
he had kept, and all honour to him, a certain primitive dominion over the souls
of his children, the old, almost magic prestige of paternity. There it was,
still burning in him, the old smoky torch or paternal godhead.
And in the sacred glare
of this torch his children had been brought up. He had given the girls every
liberty, at last. But he had never really let them go beyond his power. And
they, venturing out into the hard white light of our fatherless world, learned
to see with the eyes of the world. They learned to criticize their father,
even, from some effulgence of worldly white light, to see him as inferior. But
this was all very well in the head. The moment they forgot their tricks of
criticism, the old red glow of his authority came over them again. He was not
to be quenched.
Let the psychoanalysts
talk about father complex. It is just a word invented. Here was a man who had
kept alive the old red flame of fatherhood, fatherhood that had even the right
to sacrifice the child to God, like Isaac. Fatherhood that had life-and-death
authority over the children: a great natural power. And till his children could
be brought under some other great authority as girls; or could arrive at
manhood and become themselves centres of the same power, continuing the same
male mystery as men; until such time, willy-nilly, Godfrey Marshall would keep
his children.
It had seemed as if he
might lose Winifred. Winifred had adored her husband, and
looked up to him as to something wonderful. Perhaps she had expected in him
another great authority, a male authority greater, finer than her father’s. For
having once known the glow of male power, she would not easily turn to the cold
white light of feminine independence. She would hunger, hunger all her life for
the warmth and shelter of true male strength.
And hunger she might,
for Egbert’s power lay in the abnegation of power. He was himself the living
negative of power. Even of responsibility. For the negation of power at last
means the negation of responsibility. As far as these things went, he would
confine himself to himself. He would try to confine his own influence even
to himself. He would try, as far as possible, to abstain from influencing his
children by assuming any responsibility for them. “A little child shall lead
them—” His child should lead, then. He would try not to make it go in any
direction whatever. He would abstain from influencing it. Liberty!—
Poor Winifred was like a
fish out of water in this liberty, gasping for the denser element which should contain
her. Till her child came. And then she knew that she must be responsible for
it, that she must have authority over it.
But here Egbert silently
and negatively stepped in. Silently, negatively, but fatally he neutralized her
authority over her children.
There was a third little
girl born. And after this Winifred wanted no more children. Her soul was
turning to salt.
So she had charge of the
children, they were her responsibility. The money for them had come from her
father. She would do her very best for them, and have command over their life
and death. But no! Egbert would not take the responsibility. He would not even
provide the money. But he would not let her have her way. Her dark, silent,
passionate authority he would not allow. It was a battle between them, the
battle between liberty and the old blood-power. And of course he won. The
little girls loved him and adored him. “Daddy! Daddy!” They could do as they
liked with him. Their mother would have ruled them. She would have ruled them
passionately, with indulgence, with the old dark magic of parental authority,
something looming and unquestioned and, after all, divine: if we believe in
divine authority. The Marshalls did, being Catholic.
And Egbert, he turned
her old dark, Catholic blood-authority into a sort of tyranny. He would not
leave her her children. He stole them from her, and yet without assuming
responsibility for them. He stole them from her, in emotion and spirit, and
left her only to command their behaviour. A thankless lot for a mother. And her
children adored him, adored him, little knowing the empty bitterness they were
preparing for themselves when they too grew up to have husbands: husbands such
as Egbert, adorable and null.
Joyce, the eldest, was
still his favourite. She was now a quicksilver little thing of six years old.
Barbara, the youngest, was a toddler of two years. They spent most of their
time down at Crockham, because he wanted to be there. And even Winifred loved
the place really. But now, in her frustrated and blinded state, it was full of
menace for her children. The adders, the poison-berries, the brook, the marsh,
the water that might not be pure—one thing and another. From mother and nurse
it was a guerilla gunfire of commands, and blithe, quicksilver disobedience from
the three blonde, never-still little girls. Behind the girls was the father,
against mother and nurse. And so it was.
“If you don’t come
quick, nurse, I shall run out there to where there are snakes.”
“Joyce, you must be
patient. I’m just changing Annabel.”
There you are. There it
was: always the same. Working away on the common across the brook he heard it.
And he worked on, just the same.
Suddenly he heard a
shriek, and he flung the spade from him and started for the bridge, looking up
like a startled deer. Ah, there was Winifred—Joyce had hurt herself. He went on
up the garden.
“What is it?”
The child was still
screaming—now it was—“Daddy! Daddy! Oh—oh, Daddy!” And the mother was saying:
“Don’t be frightened,
darling. Let mother look.”
But the child only
cried:
“Oh, Daddy, Daddy,
Daddy!”
She was terrified by the
sight of the blood running from her own knee. Winifred crouched down, with her
child of six in her lap, to examine the knee. Egbert bent over also.
“Don’t make such a
noise, Joyce,” he said irritably. “How did she do it?”
“She fell on that sickle
thing which you left lying about after cutting the grass,” said Winifred,
looking into his face with bitter accusation as he bent near.
He had taken his
handkerchief and tied it round the knee. Then he lifted the still sobbing child
in his arms, and carried her into the house and upstairs to her bed. In his
arms she became quiet. But his heart was burning with pain and with guilt. He
had left the sickle there lying on the edge of the grass, and so his first-born
child whom he loved so dearly had come to hurt. But then it was an accident—it
was an accident. Why should he feel guilty? It would probably be nothing,
better in two or three days. Why take it to heart, why worry? He put it aside.
The child lay on the bed
in her little summer frock, her face very white now after the shock, Nurse had
come carrying the youngest child: and little Annabel stood holding her skirt.
Winifred, terribly serious and wooden-seeming, was bending over the knee, from
which she had taken his blood-soaked handkerchief. Egbert bent forward, too,
keeping more sang-froid in his face than in his heart.
Winifred went all of a lump of seriousness, so he had to keep some reserve. The
child moaned and whimpered.
The knee was still
bleeding profusely—it was a deep cut right in the joint.
“You’d better go for the
doctor, Egbert,” said Winifred bitterly.
“Oh, no! Oh, no!” cried
Joyce in a panic.
“Joyce, my darling,
don’t cry!” said Winifred, suddenly catching the little girl to her breast in a
strange tragic anguish, the Mater Dolorata. Even the child was
frightened into silence. Egbert looked at the tragic figure of his wife with
the child at her breast, and turned away. Only Annabel started suddenly to cry:
“Joycey, Joycey, don’t have your leg bleeding!”
Egbert rode four miles
to the village for the doctor. He could not help feeling that Winifred was
laying it on rather. Surely the knee itself wasn’t hurt! Surely not. It was
only a surface cut.
The doctor was out.
Egbert left the message and came cycling swiftly home, his heart pinched with
anxiety. He dropped sweating off his bicycle and went into the house, looking
rather small, like a man who is at fault. Winifred was upstairs sitting by
Joyce, who was looking pale and important in bed, and was eating some tapioca
pudding. The pale, small, scared face of his child went to Egbert’s heart.
“Doctor Wing was out.
He’ll be here about half past two,” said Egbert.
“I don’t want him to
come,” whimpered Joyce.
“Joyce, dear, you must
be patient and quiet,” said Winifred. “He won’t hurt you. But he will tell us
what to do to make your knee better quickly. That is why he must come.”
Winifred always
explained carefully to her little girls: and it always took the words off their
lips for the moment.
“Does it bleed yet?”
said Egbert.
Winifred moved the
bedclothes carefully aside.
“I think not,” she said.
Egbert stooped also to
look.
“No, it doesn’t,” she
said. Then he stood up with a relieved look on his face. He turned to the
child.
“Eat your pudding, Joyce,”
he said. “It won’t be anything. You’ve only got to keep still for a few days.”
“You haven’t had your
dinner, have you, Daddy?”
“Not yet.”
“Nurse will give it to
you,” said Winifred.
“You’ll be all right,
Joyce,” he said, smiling to the child and pushing the blonde hair off her brow.
She smiled back winsomely into his face.
He went downstairs and
ate his meal alone. Nurse served him. She liked waiting on him. All women liked
him and liked to do things for him.
The doctor came—a fat
country practitioner, pleasant and kind.
“What, little girl, been
tumbling down, have you? There’s a thing to be doing, for a smart little lady
like you! What! And cutting your knee! Tut-tut-tut! That wasn’t clever
of you, now was it? Never mind, never mind, soon be better. Let us look at it.
Won’t hurt you. Not the least in life. Bring a bowl with a little warm water,
nurse. Soon have it all right again, soon have it all right.”
Joyce smiled at him with
a pale smile of faint superiority. This was not the way in
which she was used to being talked to.
He bent down, carefully
looking at the little, thin, wounded knee of the child. Egbert bent over him.
“Oh, dear, oh, dear!
Quite a deep little cut. Nasty little cut. Nasty little cut. But, never mind.
Never mind, little lady. We’ll soon have it better. Soon have it better, little
lady. What’s your name?”
“My name is Joyce,” said
the child distinctly.
“Oh, really!” he
replied. “Oh, really! Well, that’s a fine name too, in my opinion. Joyce,
eh?—And how old might Miss Joyce be? Can she tell me that?”
“I’m six,” said the
child, slightly amused and very condescending.
“Six! There now. Add up
and count as far as six, can you? Well, that’s a clever little girl, a clever
little girl. And if she has to drink a spoonful of medicine, she won’t make a
murmur, I’ll be bound. Not like some little girls. What? Eh?”
“I take it if mother
wishes me to,” said Joyce.
“Ah, there now! That’s
the style! That’s what I like to hear from a little lady in bed because she’s
cut her knee. That’s the style—”
The comfortable and
prolix doctor dressed and bandaged the knee and recommended bed and a light
diet for the little lady. He thought a week or a fortnight would put it right.
No bones or ligatures damaged—fortunately. Only a flesh cut. He would come
again in a day or two.
So Joyce was reassured
and stayed in bed and had all her toys up. Her father often played with her.
The doctor came the third day. He was fairly pleased with the knee. It was
healing. It was healing—yes—yes. Let the child continue in bed. He came again
after a day or two. Winifred was a trifle uneasy. The wound seemed to be
healing on the top, but it hurt the child too much. It didn’t look quite right.
She said so to Egbert.
“Egbert, I’m sure
Joyce’s knee isn’t healing properly.”
“I think it is,” he
said. “I think it’s all right.”
“I’d rather Doctor Wing
came again—I don’t feel satisfied.”
“Aren’t you trying to
imagine it worse than it really is?”
“You would say so, of
course. But I shall write a post-card to Doctor Wing now.”
The doctor came next
day. He examined the knee. Yes, there was inflammation. Yes, there might be
a little septic poisoning—there might. There might. Was the child feverish?
So a fortnight passed
by, and the child was feverish, and the knee was more inflamed
and grew worse and was painful, painful. She cried in the night, and her mother
had to sit up with her. Egbert still insisted it was nothing, really—it would
pass. But in his heart he was anxious.
Winifred wrote again to
her father. On Saturday the elderly man appeared. And no sooner did Winifred
see the thick, rather short figure in its grey suit than a great yearning came
over her.
“Father, I’m not
satisfied with Joyce. I’m not satisfied with Doctor Wing.”
“Well, Winnie, dear, if
you’re not satisfied we must have further advice, that is all.”
The sturdy, powerful,
elderly man went upstairs, his voice sounding rather grating through the house,
as if it cut upon the tense atmosphere.
“How are you, Joyce,
darling?” he said to the child. “Does your knee hurt you? Does it hurt you,
dear?”
“It does sometimes.” The
child was shy of him, cold towards him.
“Well, dear, I’m sorry
for that. I hope you try to bear it, and not trouble mother too much.”
There was no answer. He
looked at the knee. It was red and stiff.
“Of course,” he said, “I
think we must have another doctor’s opinion. And if we’re going to have it, we
had better have it at once. Egbert, do you think you might cycle in to Bingham
for Doctor Wayne? I found him very satisfactory for Winnie’s mother.”
“I can go if you think it
necessary,” said Egbert.
“Certainly I think it
necessary. Even if there is nothing, we can have peace of
mind. Certainly I think it necessary. I should like Doctor Wayne to come this
evening if possible.”
So Egbert set off on his
bicycle through the wind, like a boy sent on an errand, leaving his
father-in-law a pillar of assurance, with Winifred.
Doctor Wayne came, and
looked grave. Yes, the knee was certainly taking the wrong way. The child might
be lame for life.
Up went the fire and
fear and anger in every heart. Doctor Wayne came again the next day for a
proper examination. And, yes, the knee had really taken bad ways. It should be
X-rayed. It was very important.
Godfrey Marshall walked
up and down the lane with the doctor, beside the standing motor-car: up and
down, up and down in one of those consultations of which he had had so many in
his life.
As a result he came
indoors to Winifred.
“Well, Winnie, dear, the
best thing to do is to take Joyce up to London, to a nursing home where she can
have proper treatment. Of course this knee has been allowed to go wrong. And
apparently there is a risk that the child may even lose her leg. What do you
think, dear? You agree to our taking her up to town and putting her under the
best care?”
“Oh, father, you know I
would do anything on earth for her.”
“I know you would,
Winnie darling. The pity is that there has been this unfortunate delay already.
I can’t think what Doctor Wing was doing. Apparently the child is in danger of
losing her leg. Well then, if you will have everything ready, we will take her
up to town tomorrow. I will order the large car from Denley’s to be here at
ten. Egbert, will you take a telegram at once to Doctor Jackson? It is a small
nursing home for children and for surgical cases, not far from Baker Street.
I’m sure Joyce will be all right there.”
“Oh, father, can’t I
nurse her myself!”
“Well, darling, if she
is to have proper treatment, she had best be in a home. The X-ray treatment,
and the electric treatment, and whatever is necessary.”
“It will cost a great
deal—” said Winifred.
“We can’t think of cost,
if the child’s leg is in danger—or even her life. No use speaking of cost,”
said the elder man impatiently.
And so it was. Poor
Joyce, stretched out on a bed in the big closed motor-car—the mother sitting by
her head, the grandfather in his short grey beard and a bowler hat, sitting by
her feet, thick, and implacable in his responsibility—they rolled slowly away
from Crockham, and from Egbert who stood there bareheaded and a little ignominious,
left behind. He was to shut up the house and bring the rest of the family back
to town, by train, the next day.
Followed a dark and
bitter time. The poor child. The poor, poor child, how she suffered, an agony
and a long crucifixion in that nursing home. It was a bitter six weeks which
changed the soul of Winifred for ever. As she sat by the bed of her poor,
tortured little child, tortured with the agony of the knee, and the still worse
agony of these diabolic, but perhaps necessary modern treatments, she felt her
heart killed and going cold in her breast. Her little Joyce, her frail, brave,
wonderful, little Joyce, frail and small and pale as a white flower! Ah, how
had she, Winifred, dared to be so wicked, so wicked, so careless, so sensual.
“Let my heart die! Let
my woman’s heart of flesh die! Saviour, let my heart die. And save my child.
Let my heart die from the world and from the flesh. Oh, destroy my heart that
is so wayward. Let my heart of pride die. Let my heart die.”
So she prayed beside the
bed of her child. And like the Mother with the seven swords in her breast,
slowly her heart of pride and passion died in her breast, bleeding away. Slowly
it died, bleeding away, and she turned to the Church for comfort, to Jesus, to
the Mother of God, but most of all, to that great and enduring institution, the
Roman Catholic Church. She withdrew into the shadow of the Church. She was a
mother with three children. But in her soul she died, her heart of pride and
passion and desire bled to death, her soul belonged to her church, her body
belonged to her duty as a mother.
Her duty as a wife did
not enter. As a wife she had no sense of duty: only a certain bitterness
towards the man with whom she had known such sensuality and distraction. She
was purely the Mater Dolorata. To the man she was closed as a tomb.
Egbert came to see his
child. But Winifred seemed to be always seated there, like the tomb of his
manhood and his fatherhood. Poor Winifred: she was still young, still strong
and ruddy and beautiful like a ruddy hard flower of the field. Strange—her
ruddy, healthy face, so sombre, and her strong, heavy, full-blooded body, so
still. She, a nun! Never. And yet the gates of her heart and soul had shut in
his face with a slow, resonant clang, shutting him out for ever. There was no
need for her to go into a convent. Her will had done it.
And between this young
mother and this young father lay the crippled child, like a bit of pale silk
floss on the pillow, and a little white pain-quenched face. He could not bear it.
He just could not bear it. He turned aside. There was nothing to do but to turn
aside. He turned aside, and went hither and thither, desultory. He was still
attractive and desirable. But there was a little frown between his brow as if
he had been cleft there with a hatchet: cleft right in, for ever, and that was
the stigma.
The child’s leg was
saved: but the knee was locked stiff. The fear now was lest the lower leg
should wither, or cease to grow. There must be long-continued massage and
treatment, daily treatment, even when the child left the nursing home. And the
whole of the expense was borne by the grandfather.
Egbert now had no real
home. Winifred with the children and nurse was tied to the little flat in
London. He could not live there: he could not contain himself. The cottage was
shut-up—or lent to friends. He went down sometimes to work in his garden and
keep the place in order. Then with the empty house around him at night, all the
empty rooms, he felt his heart go wicked. The sense of frustration and
futility, like some slow, torpid snake, slowly bit right through his heart.
Futility, futility: the horrible marsh-poison went through his veins and killed
him.
As he worked in the
garden in the silence of day he would listen for a sound. No sound. No sound of
Winifred from the dark inside of the cottage: no sound of children’s voices
from the air, from the common, from the near distance. No sound, nothing but
the old dark marsh-venomous atmosphere of the place. So he worked spasmodically
through the day, and at night made a fire and cooked some food alone.
He was alone. He himself
cleaned the cottage and made his bed. But his mending he did not do. His shirts
were slit on the shoulders, when he had been working, and the white flesh
showed through. He would feel the air and the spots of rain on his exposed
flesh. And he would look again across the common, where the dark, tufted gorse
was dying to seed, and the bits of cat-heather were coming pink in tufts, like
a sprinkling of sacrificial blood.
His heart went back to
the savage old spirit of the place: the desire for old gods, old, lost
passions, the passion of the cold-blooded, darting snakes that hissed and shot
away from him, the mystery of blood-sacrifices, all the lost, intense
sensations of the primeval people of the place, whose passions seethed in the
air still, from those long days before the Romans came. The seethe of a lost,
dark passion in the air. The presence of unseen snakes.
A queer, baffled,
half-wicked look came on his face. He could not stay long at the cottage.
Suddenly he must swing on to his bicycle and go—anywhere. Anywhere, away from
the place. He would stay a few days with his mother in the old home. His mother
adored him and grieved as a mother would. But the little, baffled, half-wicked
smile curled on his face, and he swung away from his mother’s solicitude as
from everything else.
Always moving on—from
place to place, friend to friend: and always swinging away from sympathy. As
soon as sympathy, like a soft hand, was reached out to touch him, away he
swerved, instinctively, as a harmless snake swerves and swerves and swerves
away from an outstretched hand. Away he must go. And periodically he went back
to Winifred.
He was terrible to her
now, like a temptation. She had devoted herself to her children and her church.
Joyce was once more on her feet; but, alas! lame, with iron supports to her
leg, and a little crutch. It was strange how she had grown into a long, pallid,
wild little thing. Strange that the pain had not made her soft and docile, but
had brought out a wild, almost maenad temper in the child. She was seven, and
long and white and thin, but by no means subdued. Her blonde hair was
darkening. She still had long sufferings to face, and, in her own childish
consciousness, the stigma of her lameness to bear.
And she bore it. An
almost maenad courage seemed to possess her, as if she were a long, thin, young
weapon of life. She acknowledged all her mother’s care. She would stand by her
mother for ever. But some of her father’s fine-tempered desperation flashed in
her.
When Egbert saw his
little girl limping horribly—not only limping but lurching horribly in
crippled, childish way, his heart again hardened with chagrin, like steel that
is tempered again. There was a tacit understanding between him and his little
girl: not what we would call love, but a weapon-like kinship. There was a tiny
touch of irony in his manner towards her, contrasting sharply with Winifred’s
heavy, unleavened solicitude and care. The child flickered back to him with an
answering little smile of irony and recklessness: an odd flippancy which made
Winifred only the more sombre and earnest.
The Marshalls took
endless thought and trouble for the child, searching out every means to save
her limb and her active freedom. They spared no effort and no money, they
spared no strength of will. With all their slow, heavy power of will they
willed that Joyce should save her liberty of movement, should win back her
wild, free grace. Even if it took a long time to recover, it should be
recovered.
So the situation stood.
And Joyce submitted, week after week, month after month to the tyranny and pain
of the treatment. She acknowledged the honourable effort on her behalf. But her
flamy reckless spirit was her father’s. It was he who had all the glamour for
her. He and she were like members of some forbidden secret society who know one
another but may not recognise one another. Knowledge they had in common, the
same secret of life, the father and the child. But the child stayed in the camp
of her mother, honourably, and the father wandered outside like Ishmael, only
coming sometimes to sit in the home for an hour or two, an evening or two
beside the camp fire, like Ishmael, in a curious silence and tension, with the
mocking answer of the desert speaking out of his silence, and annulling the
whole convention of the domestic home.
His presence was almost
an anguish to Winifred. She prayed against it. That little cleft between his
brow, that flickering, wicked, little smile that seemed to haunt his face, and
above all, the triumphant loneliness, the Ishmael quality. And then the
erectness of his supple body, like a symbol. The very way he stood, so quiet,
so insidious, like an erect, supple symbol of life, the living body, confronting
her downcast soul, was torture to her. He was like a supple living idol moving
before her eyes, and she felt if she watched him she was damned.
And he came and made
himself at home in her little home. When he was there, moving in his own quiet
way, she felt as if the whole great law of sacrifice, by which she had elected
to live, were annulled. He annulled by his very presence the laws of her life.
And what did he substitute? Ah, against that question she hardened herself in
recoil.
It was awful to her to
have to have him about—moving about in his shirt-sleeves, speaking in his
tenor, throaty voice to the children. Annabel simply adored him, and he teased
the little girl. The baby, Barbara, was not sure of him. She had been born a
stranger to him. But even the nurse, when she saw his white shoulder of flesh
through the slits of his torn shirt, thought it a shame.
Winifred felt it was
only another weapon of his against her.
“You have other
shirts—why do you wear that old one that is all torn, Egbert?” she said.
“I may as well wear it
out,” he said subtly.
He knew she would not
offer to mend it for him. She could not. And no, she would
not. Had she not her own gods to honour? And could she betray them, submitting
to his Baal and Ashtaroth? And it was terrible to her, his unsheathed presence,
that seemed to annul her and her faith, like another revelation. Like a
gleaming idol evoked against her, a vivid life-idol that might triumph.
He came and he went—and
she persisted. And then the great war broke out. He was a man who could not go
to the dogs. He could not dissipate himself. He was pure-bred in his
Englishness, and even when he would have killed to be vicious, he could not.
So when the war broke
out his whole instinct was against it: against war. He had not the faintest
desire to overcome any foreigners or to help in their death. He had no
conception of Imperial England, and Rule Britannia was just a joke to him. He
was a pure-blooded Englishman, perfect in his race, and when he was truly
himself he could no more have been aggressive on the score of his Englishness
than a rose can be aggressive on the score of its rosiness.
No, he had no desire to
defy Germany and to exalt England. The distinction between German and English
was not for him the distinction between good and bad. It was the distinction
between blue water-flowers and red or white bush-blossoms: just difference. The
difference between the wild boar and the wild bear. And a man was good or bad
according to his nature, not according to his nationality.
Egbert was well-bred,
and this was part of his natural understanding. It was merely unnatural to him
to hate a nation en bloc. Certain individuals he disliked, and
others he liked, and the mass he knew nothing about. Certain deeds he disliked,
certain deeds seemed natural to him, and about most deeds he had no particular
feeling.
He had, however, the one
deepest pure-bred instinct. He recoiled inevitably from having his feelings
dictated to him by the mass feeling. His feelings were his own, his understanding
was his own, and he would never go back on either, willingly. Shall a man
become inferior to his own true knowledge and self, just because the mob
expects it of him?
What Egbert felt subtly
and without question, his father-in-law felt also in a rough, more combative
way. Different as the two men were, they were two real Englishmen, and their
instincts were almost the same.
And Godfrey Marshall had
the world to reckon with. There was German military aggression, and the English
non-military idea of liberty and the “conquests of peace”—meaning
industrialism. Even if the choice between militarism and industrialism were a
choice of evils, the elderly man asserted his choice of the latter, perforce.
He whose soul was quick with the instinct of power.
Egbert just refused to
reckon with the world. He just refused even to decide between German militarism
and British industrialism. He chose neither. As for atrocities, he despised the
people who committed them as inferior criminal types. There was nothing
national about crime.
And yet, war! War! Just
war! Not right or wrong, but just war itself. Should he join? Should he give
himself over to war? The question was in his mind for some weeks. Not because
he thought England was right and Germany wrong. Probably Germany was wrong, but
he refused to make a choice. Not because he felt inspired. No. But just—war.
The deterrent was, the
giving himself over into the power of other men, and into the power of the
mob-spirit of a democratic army. Should he give himself over? Should he make
over his own life and body to the control of something which he knew was
inferior, in spirit, to his own self? Should he commit himself into the power
of an inferior control? Should he? Should he betray himself?
He was going to put
himself into the power of his inferiors, and he knew it. He was going to
subjugate himself. He was going to be ordered about by petty canaille of
non-commissioned officers—and even commissioned officers. He who was born and
bred free. Should he do it?
He went to his wife, to
speak to her.
“Shall I join up,
Winifred?”
She was silent. Her
instinct also was dead against it. And yet a certain profound resentment made
her answer:
“You have three children
dependent on you. I don’t know whether you have thought of that.”
It was still only the
third month of the war, and the old pre-war ideas were still alive.
“Of course. But it won’t
make much difference to them. I shall be earning a shilling a day, at least.”
“You’d better speak to
father, I think,” she replied heavily.
Egbert went to his
father-in-law. The elderly man’s heart was full of resentment.
“I should say,” he said
rather sourly, “it is the best thing you could do.”
Egbert went and joined
up immediately, as a private soldier. He was drafted into the light artillery.
Winifred now had a new
duty towards him: the duty of a wife towards a husband who is himself
performing his duty towards the world. She loved him still. She would always
love him, as far as earthly love went. But it was duty she now lived by. When
he came back to her in khaki, a soldier, she submitted to him as a wife. It was
her duty. But to his passion she could never again fully submit. Something
prevented her, for ever: even her own deepest choice.
He went back again to
camp. It did not suit him to be a modern soldier. In the thick, gritty, hideous
khaki his subtle physique was extinguished as if he had been killed. In the
ugly intimacy of the camp his thoroughbred sensibilities were just degraded.
But he had chosen, so he accepted. An ugly little look came on to his face, of
a man who has accepted his own degradation.
In the early spring
Winifred went down to Crockham to be there when primroses were out, and the
tassels hanging on the hazel-bushes. She felt something like a reconciliation
towards Egbert, now he was a prisoner in camp most of his days. Joyce was wild
with delight at seeing the garden and the common again, after the eight or nine
months of London and misery. She was still lame. She still had the irons up her
leg. But she lurched about with a wild, crippled agility.
Egbert came for a
week-end, in his gritty, thick, sand-paper khaki and puttees and the hideous
cap. Nay, he looked terrible. And on his face a slightly impure look, a little
sore on his lip, as if he had eaten too much or drunk too much or let his blood
become a little unclean. He was almost uglily healthy, with the camp life. It
did not suit him.
Winifred waited for him
in a little passion of duty and sacrifice, willing to serve the soldier, if not
the man. It only made him feel a little more ugly inside. The week-end was
torment to him: the memory of the camp, the knowledge of the life he led there;
even the sight of his own legs in that abhorrent khaki. He felt as if the
hideous cloth went into his blood and made it gritty and dirty. Then Winifred
so ready to serve the soldier, when she repudiated the man. And
this made the grit worse between his teeth. And the children running around
playing and calling in the rather mincing fashion of children who have nurses
and governesses and literature in the family. And Joyce so lame! It had all
become unreal to him, after the camp. It only set his soul on edge. He left at
dawn on the Monday morning, glad to get back to the realness and vulgarity of
the camp.
Winifred would never
meet him again at the cottage—only in London, where the world was with them.
But sometimes he came alone to Crockham perhaps when friends were staying
there. And then he would work awhile in his garden. This summer still it would
flame with blue anchusas and big red poppies, the mulleins would sway their
soft, downy erections in the air: he loved mulleins: and the honeysuckle would
stream out scent like memory, when the owl was whooing. Then he sat by the fire
with the friends and with Winifred’s sisters, and they sang the folk-songs. He
put on thin civilian clothes and his charm and his beauty and the supple
dominancy of his body glowed out again. But Winifred was not there.
At the end of the summer
he went to Flanders, into action. He seemed already to have gone out of life,
beyond the pale of life. He hardly remembered his life any more, being like a
man who is going to take a jump from a height, and is only looking to where he
must land.
He was twice slightly
wounded, in two months. But not enough to put him off duty for more than a day
or two. They were retiring again, holding the enemy back. He was in the
rear—three machine-guns. The country was all pleasant, war had not yet trampled
it. Only the air seemed shattered, and the land awaiting death. It was a small,
unimportant action in which he was engaged.
The guns were stationed
on a little bushy hillock just outside a village. But occasionally, it was
difficult to say from which direction, came the sharp crackle of rifle-fire,
and beyond, the far-off thud of cannon. The afternoon was wintry and cold.
A lieutenant stood on a
little iron platform at the top of the ladders, taking the sights and giving
the aim, calling in a high, tense, mechanical voice. Out of the sky came the
sharp cry of the directions, then the warning numbers, then “Fire!” The shot
went, the piston of the gun sprang back, there was a sharp explosion, and a
very faint film of smoke in the air. Then the other two guns fired, and there
was a lull. The officer was uncertain of the enemy’s position. The thick clump
of horse-chestnut trees below was without change. Only in the far distance the
sound of heavy firing continued, so far off as to give a sense of peace.
The gorse bushes on
either hand were dark, but a few sparks of flowers showed yellow. He noticed
them almost unconsciously as he waited, in the lull. He was in his
shirt-sleeves, and the air came chill on his arms. Again his shirt was slit on
the shoulders, and the flesh showed through. He was dirty and unkempt. But his
face was quiet. So many things go out of consciousness before we come to the
end of consciousness.
Before him, below, was
the highroad, running between high banks of grass and gorse. He saw the whitish
muddy tracks and deep scores in the road, where the part of the regiment had
retired. Now all was still. Sounds that came, came from the outside. The place
where he stood was still silent, chill, serene: the white church among the
trees beyond seemed like a thought only.
He moved into a
lightning-like mechanical response at the sharp cry from the officer overhead.
Mechanism, the pure mechanical action of obedience at the guns. Pure mechanical
action at the guns. It left the soul unburdened, brooding in dark nakedness. In
the end, the soul is alone, brooding on the face of the uncreated flux, as a
bird on a dark sea.
Nothing could be seen
but the road, and a crucifix knocked slanting and the dark, autumnal fields and
woods. There appeared three horsemen on a little eminence, very small, on the
crest of a ploughed field. They were our own men. Of the enemy, nothing.
The lull continued. Then
suddenly came sharp orders, and a new direction of the guns, and an intense,
exciting activity. Yet at the centre the soul remained dark and aloof, alone.
But even so, it was the
soul that heard the new sound: the new, deep “papp!” of a gun that seemed to
touch right upon the soul. He kept up the rapid activity at the machine-gun,
sweating. But in his soul was the echo of the new, deep sound, deeper than
life.
And in confirmation came
the awful faint whistling of a shell, advancing almost suddenly into a
piercing, tearing shriek that would tear through the membrane of life. He heard
it in his ears, but he heard it also in his soul, in tension. There was relief
when the thing had swung by and struck, away beyond. He heard the hoarseness of
its explosion, and the voice of the soldier calling to the horses. But he did
not turn round to look. He only noticed a twig of holly with red berries fall
like a gift on to the road below.
Not this time, not this
time. Whither thou goest I will go. Did he say it to the shell, or to whom?
Whither thou goest I will go. Then, the faint whistling of another shell
dawned, and his blood became small and still to receive it. It drew nearer,
like some horrible blast of wind; his blood lost consciousness. But in the
second of suspension he saw the heavy shell swoop to earth, into the rocky
bushes on the right, and earth and stones poured up into the sky. It was as if
he heard no sound. The earth and stones and fragments of bush fell to earth
again, and there was the same unchanging peace. The Germans had got the aim.
Would they move now?
Would they retire? Yes. The officer was giving the last lightning-rapid orders
to fire before withdrawing. A shell passed unnoticed in the rapidity of action.
And then, into the silence, into the suspense where the soul brooded, finally
crashed a noise and a darkness and a moment’s flaming agony and horror. Ah, he
had seen the dark bird flying towards him, flying home this time. In one
instant life and eternity went up in a conflagration of agony, then there was a
weight of darkness.
When faintly something
began to struggle in the darkness, a consciousness of himself, he was aware of
a great load and a clanging sound. To have known the moment of death! And to be
forced, before dying, to review it. So, fate, even in death.
There was a resounding
of pain. It seemed to sound from the outside of his consciousness: like a loud
bell clanging very near. Yet he knew it was himself. He must associate himself
with it. After a lapse and a new effort, he identified a pain in his head, a
large pain that clanged and resounded. So far he could identify himself with
himself. Then there was a lapse.
After a time he seemed
to wake up again, and waking, to know that he was at the front, and that he was
killed. He did not open his eyes. Light was not yet his. The clanging pain in
his head rang out the rest of his consciousness. So he lapsed away from
consciousness, in unutterable sick abandon of life.
Bit by bit, like a doom
came the necessity to know. He was hit in the head. It was only a vague surmise
at first. But in the swinging of the pendulum of pain, swinging ever nearer and
nearer, to touch him into an agony of consciousness and a consciousness of
agony, gradually the knowledge emerged—he must be hit in the head—hit on the
left brow; if so, there would be blood—was there blood?—could he feel blood in
his left eye? Then the clanging seemed to burst the membrane of his brain, like
death-madness.
Was there blood on his
face? Was hot blood flowing? Or was it dry blood congealing down his cheek? It
took him hours even to ask the question: time being no more than an agony in
darkness, without measurement.
A long time after he had
opened his eyes he realised he was seeing something—something, something, but
the effort to recall what was too great. No, no; no recall!
Were they the stars in
the dark sky? Was it possible it was stars in the dark sky? Stars? The world?
Ah, no, he could not know it! Stars and the world were gone for him, he closed
his eyes. No stars, no sky, no world. No, No! The thick darkness of blood
alone. It should be one great lapse into the thick darkness of blood in agony.
Death, oh, death! The
world all blood, and the blood all writhing with death. The soul like the
tiniest little light out on a dark sea, the sea of blood. And the light
guttering, beating, pulsing in a windless storm, wishing it could go out, yet
unable.
There had been life.
There had been Winifred and his children. But the frail death-agony effort to
catch at straws of memory, straws of life from the past, brought on too great a
nausea. No, No! No Winifred, no children. No world, no people. Better the agony
of dissolution ahead than the nausea of the effort backwards. Better the
terrible work should go forward, the dissolving into the black sea of death, in
the extremity of dissolution, than that there should be any reaching back
towards life. To forget! To forget! Utterly, utterly to forget, in the great
forgetting of death. To break the core and the unit of life, and to lapse out
on the great darkness. Only that. To break the clue, and mingle and commingle
with the one darkness, without afterwards or forwards. Let the black sea of
death itself solve the problem of futurity. Let the will of man break and give
up.
What was that? A light!
A terrible light! Was it figures? Was it legs of a horse colossal—colossal
above him: huge, huge?
The Germans heard a
slight noise, and started. Then, in the glare of a light-bomb, by the side of
the heap of earth thrown up by the shell, they saw the dead face.
There is in the Midlands a single-line tramway
system which boldly leaves the county town and plunges off into the black,
industrial countryside, up hill and down dale, through the long ugly villages
of workmen’s houses, over canals and railways, past churches perched high and
nobly over the smoke and shadows, through stark, grimy cold little
market-places, tilting away in a rush past cinemas and shops down to the hollow
where the collieries are, then up again, past a little rural church, under the
ash trees, on in a rush to the terminus, the last little ugly place of
industry, the cold little town that shivers on the edge of the wild, gloomy
country beyond. There the green and creamy coloured tram-car seems to pause and
purr with curious satisfaction. But in a few minutes—the clock on the turret of
the Co-operative Wholesale Society’s Shops gives the time—away it starts once
more on the adventure. Again there are the reckless swoops downhill, bouncing
the loops: again the chilly wait in the hill-top market-place: again the
breathless slithering round the precipitous drop under the church: again the
patient halts at the loops, waiting for the outcoming car: so on and on, for
two long hours, till at last the city looms beyond the fat gas-works, the
narrow factories draw near, we are in the sordid streets of the great town,
once more we sidle to a standstill at our terminus, abashed by the great
crimson and cream-coloured city cars, but still perky, jaunty, somewhat
dare-devil, green as a jaunty sprig of parsley out of a black colliery garden.
To ride on these cars is
always an adventure. Since we are in war-time, the drivers are men unfit for
active service: cripples and hunchbacks. So they have the spirit of the devil
in them. The ride becomes a steeple-chase. Hurray! we have leapt in a clear
jump over the canal bridges—now for the four-lane corner. With a shriek and a
trail of sparks we are clear again. To be sure, a tram often leaps the rails—but
what matter! It sits in a ditch till other trams come to haul it out. It is
quite common for a car, packed with one solid mass of living people, to come to
a dead halt in the midst of unbroken blackness, the heart of nowhere on a dark
night, and for the driver and the girl conductor to call, “All get off—car’s on
fire!” Instead, however, of rushing out in a panic, the passengers stolidly
reply: “Get on—get on! We’re not coming out. We’re stopping where we are. Push
on, George.” So till flames actually appear.
The reason for this
reluctance to dismount is that the nights are howlingly cold, black, and
windswept, and a car is a haven of refuge. From village to village the miners
travel, for a change of cinema, of girl, of pub. The trams are desperately packed.
Who is going to risk himself in the black gulf outside, to wait perhaps an hour
for another tram, then to see the forlorn notice “Depot Only,” because there is
something wrong! Or to greet a unit of three bright cars all so tight with
people that they sail past with a howl of derision. Trams that pass in the
night.
This, the most dangerous
tram-service in England, as the authorities themselves declare, with pride, is
entirely conducted by girls, and driven by rash young men, a little crippled,
or by delicate young men, who creep forward in terror. The girls are fearless
young hussies. In their ugly blue uniform, skirts up to their knees, shapeless
old peaked caps on their heads, they have all the sang-froid of
an old non-commissioned officer. With a tram packed with howling colliers,
roaring hymns downstairs and a sort of antiphony of obscenities upstairs, the
lasses are perfectly at their ease. They pounce on the youths who try to evade
their ticket-machine. They push off the men at the end of their distance. They
are not going to be done in the eye—not they. They fear nobody—and everybody
fears them.
“Hello, Annie!”
“Hello, Ted!”
“Oh, mind my corn, Miss
Stone. It’s my belief you’ve got a heart of stone, for you’ve trod on it
again.”
“You should keep it in
your pocket,” replies Miss Stone, and she goes sturdily upstairs in her high
boots.
“Tickets, please.”
She is peremptory,
suspicious, and ready to hit first. She can hold her own against ten thousand.
The step of that tram-car is her Thermopylæ.
Therefore, there is a
certain wild romance aboard these cars—and in the sturdy bosom of Annie
herself. The time for soft romance is in the morning, between ten o’clock and
one, when things are rather slack: that is, except market-day and Saturday.
Thus Annie has time to look about her. Then she often hops off her car and into
a shop where she has spied something, while the driver chats in the main road.
There is very good feeling between the girls and the drivers. Are they not
companions in peril, shipments aboard this careering vessel of a tram-car, for
ever rocking on the waves of a stormy land?
Then, also, during the
easy hours, the inspectors are most in evidence. For some reason, everybody
employed in this tram-service is young: there are no grey heads. It would not
do. Therefore the inspectors are of the right age, and one, the chief, is also
good-looking. See him stand on a wet, gloomy morning, in his long oil-skin, his
peaked cap well down over his eyes, waiting to board a car. His face is ruddy,
his small brown moustache is weathered, he has a faint impudent smile. Fairly
tall and agile, even in his waterproof, he springs aboard a car and greets
Annie.
“Hello, Annie! Keeping
the wet out?”
“Trying to.”
There are only two
people in the car. Inspecting is soon over. Then for a long and impudent chat
on the foot-board, a good, easy, twelve-mile chat.
The inspector’s name is
John Thomas Raynor—always called John Thomas, except sometimes, in malice,
Coddy. His face sets in fury when he is addressed, from a distance, with this
abbreviation. There is considerable scandal about John Thomas in half a dozen
villages. He flirts with the girl conductors in the morning, and walks out with
them in the dark night, when they leave their tram-car at the depôt. Of course,
the girls quit the service frequently. Then he flirts and walks out with the
newcomer: always providing she is sufficiently attractive, and that she will
consent to walk. It is remarkable, however, that most of the girls are quite
comely, they are all young, and this roving life aboard the car gives them a
sailor’s dash and recklessness. What matter how they behave when the ship is in
port. Tomorrow they will be aboard again.
Annie, however, was
something of a Tartar, and her sharp tongue had kept John Thomas at arm’s
length for many months. Perhaps, therefore, she liked him all the more: for he
always came up smiling, with impudence. She watched him vanquish one girl, then
another. She could tell by the movement of his mouth and eyes, when he flirted
with her in the morning, that he had been walking out with this lass, or the
other, the night before. A fine cock-of-the-walk he was. She could sum him up
pretty well.
In this subtle
antagonism they knew each other like old friends, they were as shrewd with one
another almost as man and wife. But Annie had always kept him sufficiently at
arm’s length. Besides, she had a boy of her own.
The Statutes fair,
however, came in November, at Bestwood. It happened that Annie had the Monday
night off. It was a drizzling ugly night, yet she dressed herself up and went
to the fair ground. She was alone, but she expected soon to find a pal of some
sort.
The roundabouts were
veering round and grinding out their music, the side shows were making as much
commotion as possible. In the cocoanut shies there were no cocoanuts, but
artificial war-time substitutes, which the lads declared were fastened into the
irons. There was a sad decline in brilliance and luxury. None the less, the
ground was muddy as ever, there was the same crush, the press of faces lighted
up by the flares and the electric lights, the same smell of naphtha and a few
fried potatoes, and of electricity.
Who should be the first
to greet Miss Annie on the showground but John Thomas? He had a black overcoat
buttoned up to his chin, and a tweed cap pulled down over his brows, his face
between was ruddy and smiling and handy as ever. She knew so well the way his
mouth moved.
She was very glad to
have a “boy”. To be at the Statutes without a fellow was no fun. Instantly,
like the gallant he was, he took her on the dragons, grim-toothed, round-about
switchbacks. It was not nearly so exciting as a tram-car actually. But, then,
to be seated in a shaking, green dragon, uplifted above the sea of bubble
faces, careering in a rickety fashion in the lower heavens, whilst John Thomas
leaned over her, his cigarette in his mouth, was after all the right style. She
was a plump, quick, alive little creature. So she was quite excited and happy.
John Thomas made her
stay on for the next round. And therefore she could hardly for shame repulse
him when he put his arm round her and drew her a little nearer to him, in a
very warm and cuddly manner. Besides, he was fairly discreet, he kept his
movement as hidden as possible. She looked down, and saw that his red, clean
hand was out of sight of the crowd. And they knew each other so well. So they
warmed up to the fair.
After the dragons they
went on the horses. John Thomas paid each time, so she could but be
complaisant. He, of course, sat astride on the outer horse—named “Black
Bess”—and she sat sideways, towards him, on the inner horse—named “Wildfire”.
But of course John Thomas was not going to sit discreetly on “Black Bess”,
holding the brass bar. Round they spun and heaved, in the light. And round he
swung on his wooden steed, flinging one leg across her mount, and perilously
tipping up and down, across the space, half lying back, laughing at her. He was
perfectly happy; she was afraid her hat was on one side, but she was excited.
He threw quoits on a
table, and won for her two large, pale-blue hat-pins. And then, hearing the
noise of the cinemas, announcing another performance, they climbed the boards
and went in.
Of course, during these
performances pitch darkness falls from time to time, when the machine goes
wrong. Then there is a wild whooping, and a loud smacking of simulated kisses.
In these moments John Thomas drew Annie towards him. After all, he had a
wonderfully warm, cosy way of holding a girl with his arm, he seemed to make
such a nice fit. And, after all, it was pleasant to be so held: so very
comforting and cosy and nice. He leaned over her and she felt his breath on her
hair; she knew he wanted to kiss her on the lips. And, after all, he was so
warm and she fitted in to him so softly. After all, she wanted him to touch her
lips.
But the light sprang up;
she also started electrically, and put her hat straight. He left his arm lying
nonchalantly behind her. Well, it was fun, it was exciting to be at the
Statutes with John Thomas.
When the cinema was over
they went for a walk across the dark, damp fields. He had all the arts of
love-making. He was especially good at holding a girl, when he sat with her on
a stile in the black, drizzling darkness. He seemed to be holding her in space,
against his own warmth and gratification. And his kisses were soft and slow and
searching.
So Annie walked out with
John Thomas, though she kept her own boy dangling in the distance. Some of the
tram-girls chose to be huffy. But there, you must take things as you find them,
in this life.
There was no mistake
about it, Annie liked John Thomas a good deal. She felt so rich and warm in
herself whenever he was near. And John Thomas really liked Annie, more than
usual. The soft, melting way in which she could flow into a fellow, as if she
melted into his very bones, was something rare and good. He fully appreciated
this.
But with a developing
acquaintance there began a developing intimacy. Annie wanted to consider him a
person, a man; she wanted to take an intelligent interest in him, and to have
an intelligent response. She did not want a mere nocturnal presence, which was
what he was so far. And she prided herself that he could not leave her.
Here she made a mistake.
John Thomas intended to remain a nocturnal presence; he had no idea of becoming
an all-round individual to her. When she started to take an intelligent
interest in him and his life and his character, he sheered off. He hated
intelligent interest. And he knew that the only way to stop it was to avoid it.
The possessive female was aroused in Annie. So he left her.
It is no use saying she
was not surprised. She was at first startled, thrown out of her count. For she
had been so very sure of holding him. For a while she was
staggered, and everything became uncertain to her. Then she wept with fury,
indignation, desolation, and misery. Then she had a spasm of despair. And then,
when he came, still impudently, on to her car, still familiar, but letting her
see by the movement of his head that he had gone away to somebody else for the
time being, and was enjoying pastures new, then she determined to have her own
back.
She had a very shrewd
idea what girls John Thomas had taken out. She went to Nora Purdy. Nora was a
tall, rather pale, but well-built girl, with beautiful yellow hair. She was
rather secretive.
“Hey!” said Annie,
accosting her; then softly, “Who’s John Thomas on with now?”
“I don’t know,” said
Nora.
“Why tha does,” said
Annie, ironically lapsing into dialect. “Tha knows as well as I do.”
“Well, I do, then,” said
Nora. “It isn’t me, so don’t bother.”
“It’s Cissy Meakin,
isn’t it?”
“It is, for all I know.”
“Hasn’t he got a face on
him!” said Annie. “I don’t half like his cheek. I could knock him off the
foot-board when he comes round at me.”
“He’ll get dropped-on
one of these days,” said Nora.
“Ay, he will, when
somebody makes up their mind to drop it on him. I should like to see him taken
down a peg or two, shouldn’t you?”
“I shouldn’t mind,” said
Nora.
“You’ve got quite as
much cause to as I have,” said Annie. “But we’ll drop on him one of these days,
my girl. What? Don’t you want to?”
“I don’t mind,” said
Nora.
But as a matter of fact,
Nora was much more vindictive than Annie.
One by one Annie went
the round of the old flames. It so happened that Cissy Meakin left the tramway
service in quite a short time. Her mother made her leave. Then John Thomas was
on the qui-vive. He cast his eyes over his old flock. And his eyes
lighted on Annie. He thought she would be safe now. Besides, he liked her.
She arranged to walk
home with him on Sunday night. It so happened that her car would be in the
depôt at half past nine: the last car would come in at 10.15. So John Thomas
was to wait for her there.
At the depôt the girls
had a little waiting-room of their own. It was quite rough, but cosy, with a
fire and an oven and a mirror, and table and wooden chairs. The half dozen
girls who knew John Thomas only too well had arranged to take service this
Sunday afternoon. So, as the cars began to come in, early, the girls dropped into
the waiting-room. And instead of hurrying off home, they sat around the fire
and had a cup of tea. Outside was the darkness and lawlessness of war-time.
John Thomas came on the
car after Annie, at about a quarter to ten. He poked his head easily into the
girls’ waiting-room.
“Prayer-meeting?” he
asked.
“Ay,” said Laura Sharp.
“Ladies only.”
“That’s me!” said John
Thomas. It was one of his favourite exclamations.
“Shut the door, boy,”
said Muriel Baggaley.
“On which side of me?”
said John Thomas.
“Which tha likes,” said
Polly Birkin.
He had come in and
closed the door behind him. The girls moved in their circle, to make a place
for him near the fire. He took off his great-coat and pushed back his hat.
“Who handles the
teapot?” he said.
Nora Purdy silently
poured him out a cup of tea.
“Want a bit o’ my bread
and drippin’?” said Muriel Baggaley to him.
“Ay, give us a bit.”
And he began to eat his
piece of bread.
“There’s no place like
home, girls,” he said.
They all looked at him
as he uttered this piece of impudence. He seemed to be sunning himself in the
presence of so many damsels.
“Especially if you’re
not afraid to go home in the dark,” said Laura Sharp.
“Me! By myself I am.”
They sat till they heard
the last tram come in. In a few minutes Emma Houselay entered.
“Come on, my old duck!”
cried Polly Birkin.
“It is perishing,”
said Emma, holding her fingers to the fire.
“But—I’m afraid to, go
home in, the dark,” sang Laura Sharp, the tune having got into her mind.
“Who’re you going with
tonight, John Thomas?” asked Muriel Baggaley, coolly.
“Tonight?” said John
Thomas. “Oh, I’m going home by myself tonight—all on my lonely-O.”
“That’s me!” said Nora
Purdy, using his own ejaculation.
The girls laughed
shrilly.
“Me as well, Nora,” said
John Thomas.
“Don’t know what you
mean,” said Laura.
“Yes, I’m toddling,”
said he, rising and reaching for his overcoat.
“Nay,” said Polly.
“We’re all here waiting for you.”
“We’ve got to be up in
good time in the morning,” he said, in the benevolent official manner.
They all laughed.
“Nay,” said Muriel.
“Don’t leave us all lonely, John Thomas. Take one!”
“I’ll take the lot, if
you like,” he responded gallantly.
“That you won’t either,”
said Muriel, “Two’s company; seven’s too much of a good thing.”
“Nay—take one,” said
Laura. “Fair and square, all above board, and say which.”
“Ay,” cried Annie,
speaking for the first time. “Pick, John Thomas; let’s hear thee.”
“Nay,” he said. “I’m
going home quiet tonight. Feeling good, for once.”
“Whereabouts?” said
Annie. “Take a good un, then. But tha’s got to take one of us!”
“Nay, how can I take
one,” he said, laughing uneasily. “I don’t want to make enemies.”
“You’d only make one,”
said Annie.
“The chosen one,”
added Laura.
“Oh, my! Who said
girls!” exclaimed John Thomas, again turning, as if to escape.
“Well—good-night.”
“Nay, you’ve got to make
your pick,” said Muriel. “Turn your face to the wall, and say which one touches
you. Go on—we shall only just touch your back—one of us. Go on—turn your face
to the wall, and don’t look, and say which one touches you.”
He was uneasy,
mistrusting them. Yet he had not the courage to break away. They pushed him to
a wall and stood him there with his face to it. Behind his back they all
grimaced, tittering. He looked so comical. He looked around uneasily.
“Go on!” he cried.
“You’re looking—you’re
looking!” they shouted.
He turned his head away.
And suddenly, with a movement like a swift cat, Annie went forward and fetched
him a box on the side of the head that sent his cap flying and himself
staggering. He started round.
But at Annie’s signal
they all flew at him, slapping him, pinching him, pulling his hair, though more
in fun than in spite or anger. He, however, saw red. His blue eyes flamed with
strange fear as well as fury, and he butted through the girls to the door. It
was locked. He wrenched at it. Roused, alert, the girls stood round and looked
at him. He faced them, at bay. At that moment they were rather horrifying to
him, as they stood in their short uniforms. He was distinctly afraid.
“Come on, John Thomas!
Come on! Choose!” said Annie.
“What are you after?
Open the door,” he said.
“We shan’t—not till
you’ve chosen!” said Muriel.
“Chosen what?” he said.
“Chosen the one you’re
going to marry,” she replied.
He hesitated a moment.
“Open the blasted door,”
he said, “and get back to your senses.” He spoke with official authority.
“You’ve got to choose!”
cried the girls.
“Come on!” cried Annie,
looking him in the eye.” Come on! Come on!”
He went forward, rather
vaguely. She had taken off her belt, and swinging it, she fetched him a sharp
blow over the head with the buckle end. He sprang and seized her. But
immediately the other girls rushed upon him, pulling and tearing and beating
him. Their blood was now thoroughly up. He was their sport now. They were going
to have their own back, out of him. Strange, wild creatures, they hung on him
and rushed at him to bear him down. His tunic was torn right up the back, Nora
had hold at the back of his collar, and was actually strangling him. Luckily
the button burst. He struggled in a wild frenzy of fury and terror, almost mad
terror. His tunic was simply torn off his back, his shirt-sleeves were torn
away, his arms were naked. The girls rushed at him, clenched their hands on him
and pulled at him: or they rushed at him and pushed him, butted him with all
their might: or they struck him wild blows. He ducked and cringed and struck
sideways. They became more intense.
At last he was down.
They rushed on him, kneeling on him. He had neither breath nor strength to
move. His face was bleeding with a long scratch, his brow was bruised.
Annie knelt on him, the
other girls knelt and hung on to him. Their faces were flushed, their hair
wild, their eyes were all glittering strangely. He lay at last quite still,
with face averted, as an animal lies when it is defeated and at the mercy of
the captor. Sometimes his eye glanced back at the wild faces of the girls. His
breast rose heavily, his wrists were torn.
“Now, then, my fellow!”
gasped Annie at length. “Now then—now—”
At the sound of her
terrifying, cold triumph, he suddenly started to struggle as an animal might,
but the girls threw themselves upon him with unnatural strength and power,
forcing him down.
“Yes—now, then!” gasped
Annie at length.
And there was a dead
silence, in which the thud of heart-beating was to be heard. It was a suspense
of pure silence in every soul.
“Now you know where you
are,” said Annie.
The sight of his white,
bare arm maddened the girls. He lay in a kind of trance of fear and antagonism.
They felt themselves filled with supernatural strength.
Suddenly Polly started
to laugh—to giggle wildly—helplessly—and Emma and Muriel joined in. But Annie
and Nora and Laura remained the same, tense, watchful, with gleaming eyes. He
winced away from these eyes.
“Yes,” said Annie, in a
curious low tone, secret and deadly. “Yes! You’ve got it now! You know what
you’ve done, don’t you? You know what you’ve done.”
He made no sound nor
sign, but lay with bright, averted eyes, and averted, bleeding face.
“You ought to be killed,
that’s what you ought,” said Annie, tensely. “You ought to be killed.”
And there was a terrifying lust in her voice.
Polly was ceasing to
laugh, and giving long-drawn Oh-h-hs and sighs as she came to herself.
“He’s got to choose,”
she said vaguely.
“Oh, yes, he has,” said
Laura, with vindictive decision.
“Do you hear—do you
hear?” said Annie. And with a sharp movement, that made him wince, she turned
his face to her.
“Do you hear?” she
repeated, shaking him.
But he was quite dumb.
She fetched him a sharp slap on the face. He started, and his eyes widened.
Then his face darkened with defiance, after all.
“Do you hear?” she
repeated.
He only looked at her
with hostile eyes.
“Speak!” she said,
putting her face devilishly near his.
“What?” he said, almost
overcome.
“You’ve got to choose!”
she cried, as if it were some terrible menace, and as if it hurt her that she
could not exact more.
“What?” he said, in
fear.
“Choose your girl,
Coddy. You’ve got to choose her now. And you’ll get your neck broken if you play
any more of your tricks, my boy. You’re settled now.”
There was a pause. Again
he averted his face. He was cunning in his overthrow. He did not give in to
them really—no, not if they tore him to bits.
“All right, then,” he
said, “I choose Annie.” His voice was strange and full of malice. Annie let go
of him as if he had been a hot coal.
“He’s chosen Annie!”
said the girls in chorus.
“Me!” cried Annie. She
was still kneeling, but away from him. He was still lying prostrate, with
averted face. The girls grouped uneasily around.
“Me!” repeated Annie,
with a terrible bitter accent.
Then she got up, drawing
away from him with strange disgust and bitterness.
“I wouldn’t touch him,”
she said.
But her face quivered
with a kind of agony, she seemed as if she would fall. The other girls turned
aside. He remained lying on the floor, with his torn clothes and bleeding,
averted face.
“Oh, if he’s chosen—”
said Polly.
“I don’t want him—he can
choose again,” said Annie, with the same rather bitter hopelessness.
“Get up,” said Polly,
lifting his shoulder. “Get up.”
He rose slowly, a
strange, ragged, dazed creature. The girls eyed him from a distance, curiously,
furtively, dangerously.
“Who wants him?” cried
Laura, roughly.
“Nobody,” they answered,
with contempt. Yet each one of them waited for him to look at her, hoped he
would look at her. All except Annie, and something was broken in her.
He, however, kept his
face closed and averted from them all. There was a silence of the end. He
picked up the torn pieces of his tunic, without knowing what to do with them.
The girls stood about uneasily, flushed, panting, tidying their hair and their
dress unconsciously, and watching him. He looked at none of them. He espied his
cap in a corner, and went and picked it up. He put it on his head, and one of
the girls burst into a shrill, hysteric laugh at the sight he presented. He,
however, took no heed, but went straight to where his overcoat hung on a peg.
The girls moved away from contact with him as if he had been an electric wire.
He put on his coat and buttoned it down. Then he rolled his tunic-rags into a
bundle, and stood before the locked door, dumbly.
“Open the door,
somebody,” said Laura.
“Annie’s got the key,”
said one.
Annie silently offered
the key to the girls. Nora unlocked the door.
“Tit for tat, old man,”
she said. “Show yourself a man, and don’t bear a grudge.”
But without a word or
sign he had opened the door and gone, his face closed, his head dropped.
“That’ll learn him,”
said Laura.
“Coddy!” said Nora.
“Shut up, for God’s
sake!” cried Annie fiercely, as if in torture.
“Well, I’m about ready
to go, Polly. Look sharp!” said Muriel.
The girls were all
anxious to be off. They were tidying themselves hurriedly, with mute, stupefied
faces.
Isabel Pervin was listening for two sounds—for
the sound of wheels on the drive outside and for the noise of her husband’s
footsteps in the hall. Her dearest and oldest friend, a man who seemed almost
indispensable to her living, would drive up in the rainy dusk of the closing
November day. The trap had gone to fetch him from the station. And her husband,
who had been blinded in Flanders, and who had a disfiguring mark on his brow,
would be coming in from the outhouses.
He had been home for a
year now. He was totally blind. Yet they had been very happy. The Grange was
Maurice’s own place. The back was a farmstead, and the Wernhams, who occupied
the rear premises, acted as farmers. Isabel lived with her husband in the
handsome rooms in front. She and he had been almost entirely alone together
since he was wounded. They talked and sang and read together in a wonderful and
unspeakable intimacy. Then she reviewed books for a Scottish newspaper,
carrying on her old interest, and he occupied himself a good deal with the
farm. Sightless, he could still discuss everything with Wernham, and he could
also do a good deal of work about the place—menial work, it is true, but it
gave him satisfaction. He milked the cows, carried in the pails, turned the
separator, attended to the pigs and horses. Life was still very full and
strangely serene for the blind man, peaceful with the almost incomprehensible
peace of immediate contact in darkness. With his wife he had a whole world,
rich and real and invisible.
They were newly and
remotely happy. He did not even regret the loss of his sight in these times of
dark, palpable joy. A certain exultance swelled his soul.
But as time wore on,
sometimes the rich glamour would leave them. Sometimes, after months of this
intensity, a sense of burden overcame Isabel, a weariness, a terrible ennui,
in that silent house approached between a colonnade of tall-shafted pines. Then
she felt she would go mad, for she could not bear it. And sometimes he had
devastating fits of depression, which seemed to lay waste his whole being. It
was worse than depression—a black misery, when his own life was a torture to
him, and when his presence was unbearable to his wife. The dread went down to
the roots of her soul as these black days recurred. In a kind of panic she
tried to wrap herself up still further in her husband. She forced the old
spontaneous cheerfulness and joy to continue. But the effort it cost her was
almost too much. She knew she could not keep it up. She felt she would scream
with the strain, and would give anything, anything, to escape. She longed to
possess her husband utterly; it gave her inordinate joy to have him entirely to
herself. And yet, when again he was gone in a black and massive misery, she
could not bear him, she could not bear herself; she wished she could be
snatched away off the earth altogether, anything rather than live at this cost.
Dazed, she schemed for a
way out. She invited friends, she tried to give him some further connexion with
the outer world. But it was no good. After all their joy and suffering, after
their dark, great year of blindness and solitude and unspeakable nearness,
other people seemed to them both shallow, prattling, rather impertinent.
Shallow prattle seemed presumptuous. He became impatient and irritated, she was
wearied. And so they lapsed into their solitude again. For they preferred it.
But now, in a few weeks’
time, her second baby would be born. The first had died, an infant, when her
husband first went out to France. She looked with joy and relief to the coming
of the second. It would be her salvation. But also she felt some anxiety. She
was thirty years old, her husband was a year younger. They both wanted the
child very much. Yet she could not help feeling afraid. She had her husband on
her hands, a terrible joy to her, and a terrifying burden. The child would
occupy her love and attention. And then, what of Maurice? What would he do? If
only she could feel that he, too, would be at peace and happy when the child
came! She did so want to luxuriate in a rich, physical satisfaction of
maternity. But the man, what would he do? How could she provide for him, how
avert those shattering black moods of his, which destroyed them both?
She sighed with fear.
But at this time Bertie Reid wrote to Isabel. He was her old friend, a second
or third cousin, a Scotchman, as she was a Scotchwoman. They had been brought
up near to one another, and all her life he had been her friend, like a
brother, but better than her own brothers. She loved him—though not in the
marrying sense. There was a sort of kinship between them, an affinity. They
understood one another instinctively. But Isabel would never have thought of
marrying Bertie. It would have seemed like marrying in her own family.
Bertie was a barrister
and a man of letters, a Scotchman of the intellectual type, quick, ironical,
sentimental, and on his knees before the woman he adored but did not want to
marry. Maurice Pervin was different. He came of a good old country family—the
Grange was not a very great distance from Oxford. He was passionate, sensitive,
perhaps over-sensitive, wincing—a big fellow with heavy limbs and a forehead
that flushed painfully. For his mind was slow, as if drugged by the strong
provincial blood that beat in his veins. He was very sensitive to his own
mental slowness, his feelings being quick and acute. So that he was just the
opposite to Bertie, whose mind was much quicker than his emotions, which were
not so very fine.
From the first the two
men did not like each other. Isabel felt that they ought to
get on together. But they did not. She felt that if only each could have the
clue to the other there would be such a rare understanding between them. It did
not come off, however. Bertie adopted a slightly ironical attitude, very
offensive to Maurice, who returned the Scotch irony with English resentment, a
resentment which deepened sometimes into stupid hatred.
This was a little
puzzling to Isabel. However, she accepted it in the course of things. Men were
made freakish and unreasonable. Therefore, when Maurice was going out to France
for the second time, she felt that, for her husband’s sake, she must
discontinue her friendship with Bertie. She wrote to the barrister to this
effect. Bertram Reid simply replied that in this, as in all other matters, he
must obey her wishes, if these were indeed her wishes.
For nearly two years
nothing had passed between the two friends. Isabel rather gloried in the fact;
she had no compunction. She had one great article of faith, which was, that
husband and wife should be so important to one another, that the rest of the
world simply did not count. She and Maurice were husband and wife. They loved
one another. They would have children. Then let everybody and everything else
fade into insignificance outside this connubial felicity. She professed herself
quite happy and ready to receive Maurice’s friends. She was happy and ready:
the happy wife, the ready woman in possession. Without knowing why, the friends
retired abashed and came no more. Maurice, of course, took as much satisfaction
in this connubial absorption as Isabel did.
He shared in Isabel’s
literary activities, she cultivated a real interest in agriculture and
cattle-raising. For she, being at heart perhaps an emotional enthusiast, always
cultivated the practical side of life, and prided herself on her mastery of
practical affairs. Thus the husband and wife had spent the five years of their
married life. The last had been one of blindness and unspeakable intimacy. And
now Isabel felt a great indifference coming over her, a sort of lethargy. She
wanted to be allowed to bear her child in peace, to nod by the fire and drift
vaguely, physically, from day to day. Maurice was like an ominous
thunder-cloud. She had to keep waking up to remember him.
When a little note came
from Bertie, asking if he were to put up a tombstone to their dead friendship,
and speaking of the real pain he felt on account of her husband’s loss of
sight, she felt a pang, a fluttering agitation of re-awakening. And she read
the letter to Maurice.
“Ask him to come down,”
he said.
“Ask Bertie to come
here!” she re-echoed.
“Yes—if he wants to.”
Isabel paused for a few
moments.
“I know he wants to—he’d
only be too glad,” she replied. “But what about you, Maurice? How would you
like it?”
“I should like it.”
“Well—in that case—— But
I thought you didn’t care for him—”
“Oh, I don’t know. I
might think differently of him now,” the blind man replied. It was rather
abstruse to Isabel.
“Well, dear,” she said,
“if you’re quite sure—”
“I’m sure enough. Let
him come,” said Maurice.
So Bertie was coming,
coming this evening, in the November rain and darkness. Isabel was agitated,
racked with her old restlessness and indecision. She had always suffered from
this pain of doubt, just an agonizing sense of uncertainty. It had begun to pass
off, in the lethargy of maternity. Now it returned, and she resented it. She
struggled as usual to maintain her calm, composed, friendly bearing, a sort of
mask she wore over all her body.
A woman had lighted a
tall lamp beside the table, and spread the cloth. The long dining-room was dim,
with its elegant but rather severe pieces of old furniture. Only the round
table glowed softly under the light. It had a rich, beautiful effect. The white
cloth glistened and dropped its heavy, pointed lace corners almost to the
carpet, the china was old and handsome, creamy-yellow, with a blotched pattern
of harsh red and deep blue, the cups large and bell-shaped, the teapot gallant.
Isabel looked at it with superficial appreciation.
Her nerves were hurting
her. She looked automatically again at the high, uncurtained windows. In the
last dusk she could just perceive outside a huge fir-tree swaying its boughs:
it was as if she thought it rather than saw it. The rain came flying on the
window panes. Ah, why had she no peace? These two men, why did they tear at
her? Why did they not come—why was there this suspense?
She sat in a lassitude
that was really suspense and irritation. Maurice, at least, might come in—there
was nothing to keep him out. She rose to her feet. Catching sight of her
reflection in a mirror, she glanced at herself with a slight smile of
recognition, as if she were an old friend to herself. Her face was oval and
calm, her nose a little arched. Her neck made a beautiful line down to her
shoulder. With hair knotted loosely behind, she had something of a warm,
maternal look. Thinking this of herself, she arched her eyebrows and her rather
heavy eyelids, with a little flicker of a smile, and for a moment her grey eyes
looked amused and wicked, a little sardonic, out of her transfigured Madonna
face.
Then, resuming her air
of womanly patience—she was really fatally self-determined—she went with a
little jerk towards the door. Her eyes were slightly reddened.
She passed down the wide
hall, and through a door at the end. Then she was in the farm premises. The
scent of dairy, and of farm-kitchen, and of farm-yard and of leather almost
overcame her: but particularly the scent of dairy. They had been scalding out
the pans. The flagged passage in front of her was dark, puddled and wet. Light
came out from the open kitchen door. She went forward and stood in the doorway.
The farm-people were at tea, seated at a little distance from her, round a
long, narrow table, in the centre of which stood a white lamp. Ruddy faces,
ruddy hands holding food, red mouths working, heads bent over the tea-cups:
men, land-girls, boys: it was tea-time, feeding-time. Some faces caught sight
of her. Mrs. Wernham, going round behind the chairs with a large black teapot,
halting slightly in her walk, was not aware of her for a moment. Then she
turned suddenly.
“Oh, is it Madam!” she
exclaimed. “Come in, then, come in! We’re at tea.” And she dragged forward a
chair.
“No, I won’t come in,”
said Isabel, “I’m afraid I interrupt your meal.”
“No—no—not likely,
Madam, not likely.”
“Hasn’t Mr. Pervin come
in, do you know?”
“I’m sure I couldn’t
say! Missed him, have you, Madam?”
“No, I only wanted him
to come in,” laughed Isabel, as if shyly.
“Wanted him, did ye? Get
you, boy—get up, now—”
Mrs. Wernham knocked one
of the boys on the shoulder. He began to scrape to his feet, chewing largely.
“I believe he’s in top
stable,” said another face from the table.
“Ah! No, don’t get up.
I’m going myself,” said Isabel.
“Don’t you go out of a
dirty night like this. Let the lad go. Get along wi’ ye, boy,” said Mrs.
Wernham.
“No, no,” said Isabel,
with a decision that was always obeyed. “Go on with your tea, Tom. I’d like to
go across to the stable, Mrs. Wernham.”
“Did ever you hear
tell!” exclaimed the woman.
“Isn’t the trap late?”
asked Isabel.
“Why, no,” said Mrs.
Wernham, peering into the distance at the tall, dim clock. “No, Madam—we can
give it another quarter or twenty minutes yet, good—yes, every bit of a
quarter.”
“Ah! It seems late when
darkness falls so early,” said Isabel.
“It do, that it do.
Bother the days, that they draw in so,” answered Mrs. Wernham. “Proper
miserable!”
“They are,” said Isabel,
withdrawing.
She pulled on her
overshoes, wrapped a large tartan shawl around her, put on a man’s felt hat,
and ventured out along the causeways of the first yard. It was very dark. The
wind was roaring in the great elms behind the outhouses. When she came to the
second yard the darkness seemed deeper. She was unsure of her footing. She
wished she had brought a lantern. Rain blew against her. Half she liked it,
half she felt unwilling to battle.
She reached at last the
just visible door of the stable. There was no sign of a light anywhere. Opening
the upper half, she looked in: into a simple well of darkness. The smell of
horses, and ammonia, and of warmth was startling to her, in that full night.
She listened with all her ears, but could hear nothing save the night, and the
stirring of a horse.
“Maurice!” she called,
softly and musically, though she was afraid. “Maurice—are you there?”
Nothing came from the
darkness. She knew the rain and wind blew in upon the horses, the hot animal
life. Feeling it wrong, she entered the stable, and drew the lower half of the
door shut, holding the upper part close. She did not stir, because she was
aware of the presence of the dark hindquarters of the horses, though she could
not see them, and she was afraid. Something wild stirred in her heart.
She listened intensely.
Then she heard a small noise in the distance—far away, it seemed—the chink of a
pan, and a man’s voice speaking a brief word. It would be Maurice, in the other
part of the stable. She stood motionless, waiting for him to come through the
partition door. The horses were so terrifyingly near to her, in the invisible.
The loud jarring of the
inner door-latch made her start; the door was opened. She could hear and feel
her husband entering and invisibly passing among the horses near to her, in
darkness as they were, actively intermingled. The rather low sound of his voice
as he spoke to the horses came velvety to her nerves. How near he was, and how
invisible! The darkness seemed to be in a strange swirl of violent life, just
upon her. She turned giddy.
Her presence of mind
made her call, quietly and musically:
“Maurice! Maurice—dea-ar!”
“Yes,” he answered.
“Isabel?”
She saw nothing, and the
sound of his voice seemed to touch her.
“Hello!” she answered
cheerfully, straining her eyes to see him. He was still busy, attending to the
horses near her, but she saw only darkness. It made her almost desperate.
“Won’t you come in,
dear?” she said.
“Yes, I’m coming. Just
half a minute. Stand over—now! Trap’s not come, has it?”
“Not yet,” said Isabel.
His voice was pleasant
and ordinary, but it had a slight suggestion of the stable to her. She wished
he would come away. Whilst he was so utterly invisible she was afraid of him.
“How’s the time?” he
asked.
“Not yet six,” she
replied. She disliked to answer into the dark. Presently he came very near to
her, and she retreated out of doors.
“The weather blows in
here,” he said, coming steadily forward, feeling for the doors. She shrank
away. At last she could dimly see him.
“Bertie won’t have much
of a drive,” he said, as he closed the doors.
“He won’t indeed!” said
Isabel calmly, watching the dark shape at the door.
“Give me your arm,
dear,” she said.
She pressed his arm
close to her, as she went. But she longed to see him, to look at him. She was
nervous. He walked erect, with face rather lifted, but with a curious tentative
movement of his powerful, muscular legs. She could feel the clever, careful,
strong contact of his feet with the earth, as she balanced against him. For a
moment he was a tower of darkness to her, as if he rose out of the earth.
In the house-passage he
wavered, and went cautiously, with a curious look of silence about him as he
felt for the bench. Then he sat down heavily. He was a man with rather sloping
shoulders, but with heavy limbs, powerful legs that seemed to know the earth.
His head was small, usually carried high and light. As he bent down to unfasten
his gaiters and boots he did not look blind. His hair was brown and crisp, his
hands were large, reddish, intelligent, the veins stood out in the wrists; and
his thighs and knees seemed massive. When he stood up his face and neck were
surcharged with blood, the veins stood out on his temples. She did not look at
his blindness.
Isabel was always glad
when they had passed through the dividing door into their own regions of repose
and beauty. She was a little afraid of him, out there in the animal grossness
of the back. His bearing also changed, as he smelt the familiar, indefinable
odour that pervaded his wife’s surroundings, a delicate, refined scent, very
faintly spicy. Perhaps it came from the pot-pourri bowls.
He stood at the foot of
the stairs, arrested, listening. She watched him, and her heart sickened. He
seemed to be listening to fate.
“He’s not here yet,” he
said. “I’ll go up and change.”
“Maurice,” she said,
“you’re not wishing he wouldn’t come, are you?”
“I couldn’t quite say,”
he answered. “I feel myself rather on the qui vive.”
“I can see you are,” she
answered. And she reached up and kissed his cheek. She saw his mouth relax into
a slow smile.
“What are you laughing
at?” she said roguishly.
“You consoling me,” he
answered.
“Nay,” she answered.
“Why should I console you? You know we love each other—you know how married
we are! What does anything else matter?”
“Nothing at all, my
dear.”
He felt for her face,
and touched it, smiling.
“You’re all
right, aren’t you?” he asked, anxiously.
“I’m wonderfully all
right, love,” she answered. “It’s you I am a little troubled about, at times.”
“Why me?” he said,
touching her cheeks delicately with the tips of his fingers. The touch had an
almost hypnotizing effect on her.
He went away upstairs.
She saw him mount into the darkness, unseeing and unchanging. He did not know
that the lamps on the upper corridor were unlighted. He went on into the
darkness with unchanging step. She heard him in the bathroom.
Pervin moved about almost
unconsciously in his familiar surroundings, dark though everything was. He
seemed to know the presence of objects before he touched them. It was a
pleasure to him to rock thus through a world of things, carried on the flood in
a sort of blood-prescience. He did not think much or trouble much. So long as
he kept this sheer immediacy of blood-contact with the substantial world he was
happy, he wanted no intervention of visual consciousness. In this state there
was a certain rich positivity, bordering sometimes on rapture. Life seemed to
move in him like a tide lapping, and advancing, enveloping all things darkly.
It was a pleasure to stretch forth the hand and meet the unseen object, clasp
it, and possess it in pure contact. He did not try to remember, to visualize.
He did not want to. The new way of consciousness substituted itself in him.
The rich suffusion of
this state generally kept him happy, reaching its culmination in the consuming
passion for his wife. But at times the flow would seem to be checked and thrown
back. Then it would beat inside him like a tangled sea, and he was tortured in
the shattered chaos of his own blood. He grew to dread this arrest, this
throw-back, this chaos inside himself, when he seemed merely at the mercy of
his own powerful and conflicting elements. How to get some measure of control
or surety, this was the question. And when the question rose maddening in him,
he would clench his fists as if he would compel the whole
universe to submit to him. But it was in vain. He could not even compel
himself.
Tonight, however, he was
still serene, though little tremors of unreasonable exasperation ran through
him. He had to handle the razor very carefully, as he shaved, for it was not at
one with him, he was afraid of it. His hearing also was too much sharpened. He
heard the woman lighting the lamps on the corridor, and attending to the fire
in the visitor’s room. And then, as he went to his room he heard the trap
arrive. Then came Isabel’s voice, lifted and calling, like a bell ringing:
“Is it you, Bertie? Have
you come?”
And a man’s voice
answered out of the wind:
“Hello, Isabel! There
you are.”
“Have you had a
miserable drive? I’m so sorry we couldn’t send a closed carriage. I can’t see
you at all, you know.”
“I’m coming. No, I liked
the drive—it was like Perthshire. Well, how are you? You’re looking fit as
ever, as far as I can see.”
“Oh, yes,” said Isabel.
“I’m wonderfully well. How are you? Rather thin, I think—”
“Worked to
death—everybody’s old cry. But I’m all right, Ciss. How’s Pervin?—isn’t he
here?”
“Oh, yes, he’s upstairs
changing. Yes, he’s awfully well. Take off your wet things; I’ll send them to
be dried.”
“And how are you both,
in spirits? He doesn’t fret?”
“No—no, not at all. No,
on the contrary, really. We’ve been wonderfully happy, incredibly. It’s more
than I can understand—so wonderful: the nearness, and the peace—”
“Ah! Well, that’s
awfully good news—”
They moved away. Pervin
heard no more. But a childish sense of desolation had come over him, as he
heard their brisk voices. He seemed shut out—like a child that is left out. He
was aimless and excluded, he did not know what to do with himself. The helpless
desolation came over him. He fumbled nervously as he dressed himself, in a
state almost of childishness. He disliked the Scotch accent in Bertie’s speech,
and the slight response it found on Isabel’s tongue. He disliked the slight
purr of complacency in the Scottish speech. He disliked intensely the glib way
in which Isabel spoke of their happiness and nearness. It made him recoil. He
was fretful and beside himself like a child, he had almost a childish nostalgia
to be included in the life circle. And at the same time he was a man, dark and
powerful and infuriated by his own weakness. By some fatal flaw, he could not
be by himself, he had to depend on the support of another. And this very
dependence enraged him. He hated Bertie Reid, and at the same time he knew the
hatred was nonsense, he knew it was the outcome of his own weakness.
He went downstairs.
Isabel was alone in the dining-room. She watched him enter, head erect, his
feet tentative. He looked so strong-blooded and healthy, and, at the same time,
cancelled. Cancelled—that was the word that flew across her mind. Perhaps it
was his scars suggested it.
“You heard Bertie come,
Maurice?” she said.
“Yes—isn’t he here?”
“He’s in his room. He
looks very thin and worn.”
“I suppose he works
himself to death.”
A woman came in with a
tray—and after a few minutes Bertie came down. He was a little dark man, with a
very big forehead, thin, wispy hair, and sad, large eyes. His expression was
inordinately sad—almost funny. He had odd, short legs.
Isabel watched him
hesitate under the door, and glance nervously at her husband. Pervin heard him
and turned.
“Here you are, now,”
said Isabel. “Come, let us eat.”
Bertie went across to
Maurice.
“How are you, Pervin,”
he said, as he advanced.
The blind man stuck his
hand out into space, and Bertie took it.
“Very fit. Glad you’ve
come,” said Maurice.
Isabel glanced at them,
and glanced away, as if she could not bear to see them.
“Come,” she said. “Come
to table. Aren’t you both awfully hungry? I am, tremendously.”
“I’m afraid you waited
for me,” said Bertie, as they sat down.
Maurice had a curious
monolithic way of sitting in a chair, erect and distant. Isabel’s heart always
beat when she caught sight of him thus.
“No,” she replied to
Bertie. “We’re very little later than usual. We’re having a sort of high tea,
not dinner. Do you mind? It gives us such a nice long evening, uninterrupted.”
“I like it,” said
Bertie.
Maurice was feeling,
with curious little movements, almost like a cat kneading her bed, for his
place, his knife and fork, his napkin. He was getting the whole geography of
his cover into his consciousness. He sat erect and inscrutable, remote-seeming
Bertie watched the static figure of the blind man, the delicate tactile
discernment of the large, ruddy hands, and the curious mindless silence of the
brow, above the scar. With difficulty he looked away, and without knowing what
he did, picked up a little crystal bowl of violets from the table, and held
them to his nose.
“They are
sweet-scented,” he said. “Where do they come from?”
“From the garden—under
the windows,” said Isabel.
“So late in the year—and
so fragrant! Do you remember the violets under Aunt Bell’s south wall?”
The two friends looked
at each other and exchanged a smile, Isabel’s eyes lighting up.
“Don’t I?” she replied.
“Wasn’t she queer!”
“A curious old girl,”
laughed Bertie. “There’s a streak of freakishness in the family, Isabel.”
“Ah—but not in you and
me, Bertie,” said Isabel. “Give them to Maurice, will you?” she added, as
Bertie was putting down the flowers. “Have you smelled the violets, dear?
Do!—they are so scented.”
Maurice held out his
hand, and Bertie placed the tiny bowl against his large, warm-looking fingers.
Maurice’s hand closed over the thin white fingers of the barrister. Bertie
carefully extricated himself. Then the two watched the blind man smelling the
violets. He bent his head and seemed to be thinking. Isabel waited.
“Aren’t they sweet,
Maurice?” she said at last, anxiously.
“Very,” he said. And he
held out the bowl. Bertie took it. Both he and Isabel were a little afraid, and
deeply disturbed.
The meal continued.
Isabel and Bertie chatted spasmodically. The blind man was silent. He touched
his food repeatedly, with quick, delicate touches of his knife-point, then cut
irregular bits. He could not bear to be helped. Both Isabel and Bertie
suffered: Isabel wondered why. She did not suffer when she was alone with
Maurice. Bertie made her conscious of a strangeness.
After the meal the three
drew their chairs to the fire, and sat down to talk. The decanters were put on
a table near at hand. Isabel knocked the logs on the fire, and clouds of
brilliant sparks went up the chimney. Bertie noticed a slight weariness in her
bearing.
“You will be glad when
your child comes now, Isabel?” he said.
She looked up to him
with a quick wan smile.
“Yes, I shall be glad,”
she answered. “It begins to seem long. Yes, I shall be very glad. So will you,
Maurice, won’t you?” she added.
“Yes, I shall,” replied
her husband.
“We are both looking
forward so much to having it,” she said.
“Yes, of course,” said
Bertie.
He was a bachelor, three
or four years older than Isabel. He lived in beautiful rooms overlooking the
river, guarded by a faithful Scottish man-servant. And he had his friends among
the fair sex—not lovers, friends. So long as he could avoid any danger of
courtship or marriage, he adored a few good women with constant and unfailing
homage, and he was chivalrously fond of quite a number. But if they seemed to
encroach on him, he withdrew and detested them.
Isabel knew him very
well, knew his beautiful constancy, and kindness, also his incurable weakness,
which made him unable ever to enter into close contact of any sort. He was
ashamed of himself, because he could not marry, could not approach women
physically. He wanted to do so. But he could not. At the centre of him he was
afraid, helplessly and even brutally afraid. He had given up hope, had ceased
to expect any more that he could escape his own weakness. Hence he was a
brilliant and successful barrister, also littérateur of high
repute, a rich man, and a great social success. At the centre he felt himself
neuter, nothing.
Isabel knew him well.
She despised him even while she admired him. She looked at his sad face, his
little short legs, and felt contempt of him. She looked at his dark grey eyes,
with their uncanny, almost childlike intuition, and she loved him. He
understood amazingly—but she had no fear of his understanding. As a man she
patronized him.
And she turned to the
impassive, silent figure of her husband. He sat leaning back, with folded arms,
and face a little uptilted. His knees were straight and massive. She sighed,
picked up the poker, and again began to prod the fire, to rouse the clouds of
soft, brilliant sparks.
“Isabel tells me,”
Bertie began suddenly, “that you have not suffered unbearably from the loss of
sight.”
Maurice straightened
himself to attend, but kept his arms folded.
“No,” he said, “not
unbearably. Now and again one struggles against it, you know. But there are
compensations.”
“They say it is much
worse to be stone deaf,” said Isabel.
“I believe it is,” said
Bertie. “Are there compensations?” he added, to Maurice.
“Yes. You cease to
bother about a great many things.” Again Maurice stretched his figure,
stretched the strong muscles of his back, and leaned backwards, with uplifted
face.
“And that is a relief,”
said Bertie. “But what is there in place of the bothering? What replaces the
activity?”
There was a pause. At
length the blind man replied, as out of a negligent, unattentive thinking:
“Oh, I don’t know.
There’s a good deal when you’re not active.”
“Is there?” said Bertie.
“What, exactly? It always seems to me that when there is no thought and no
action, there is nothing.”
Again Maurice was slow
in replying.
“There is something,” he
replied. “I couldn’t tell you what it is.”
And the talk lapsed once
more, Isabel and Bertie chatting gossip and reminiscence, the blind man silent.
At length Maurice rose
restlessly, a big, obtrusive figure. He felt tight and hampered. He wanted to
go away.
“Do you mind,” he said,
“if I go and speak to Wernham?”
“No—go along, dear,”
said Isabel.
And he went out. A silence
came over the two friends. At length Bertie said:
“Nevertheless, it is a
great deprivation, Cissie.”
“It is, Bertie. I know
it is.”
“Something lacking all
the time,” said Bertie.
“Yes, I know. And
yet—and yet—Maurice is right. There is something else, something there,
which you never knew was there, and which you can’t express.”
“What is there?” asked
Bertie.
“I don’t know—it’s
awfully hard to define it—but something strong and immediate. There’s something
strange in Maurice’s presence—indefinable—but I couldn’t do without it. I agree
that it seems to put one’s mind to sleep. But when we’re alone I miss nothing;
it seems awfully rich, almost splendid, you know.”
“I’m afraid I don’t
follow,” said Bertie.
They talked desultorily.
The wind blew loudly outside, rain chattered on the window-panes, making a
sharp, drum-sound, because of the closed, mellow-golden shutters inside. The
logs burned slowly, with hot, almost invisible small flames. Bertie seemed
uneasy, there were dark circles round his eyes. Isabel, rich with her
approaching maternity, leaned looking into the fire. Her hair curled in odd,
loose strands, very pleasing to the man. But she had a curious feeling of old
woe in her heart, old, timeless night-woe.
“I suppose we’re all
deficient somewhere,” said Bertie.
“I suppose so,” said
Isabel wearily.
“Damned, sooner or
later.”
“I don’t know,” she
said, rousing herself. “I feel quite all right, you know. The child coming
seems to make me indifferent to everything, just placid. I can’t feel that
there’s anything to trouble about, you know.”
“A good thing, I should
say,” he replied slowly.
“Well, there it is. I
suppose it’s just Nature. If only I felt I needn’t trouble about Maurice, I
should be perfectly content—”
“But you feel you must
trouble about him?”
“Well—I don’t know—” She
even resented this much effort.
The evening passed
slowly. Isabel looked at the clock. “I say,” she said. “It’s nearly ten
o’clock. Where can Maurice be? I’m sure they’re all in bed at the back. Excuse
me a moment.”
She went out, returning
almost immediately.
“It’s all shut up and in
darkness,” she said. “I wonder where he is. He must have gone out to the farm—”
Bertie looked at her.
“I suppose he’ll come
in,” he said.
“I suppose so,” she
said. “But it’s unusual for him to be out now.”
“Would you like me to go
out and see?”
“Well—if you wouldn’t
mind. I’d go, but—” She did not want to make the physical effort.
Bertie put on an old
overcoat and took a lantern. He went out from the side door. He shrank from the
wet and roaring night. Such weather had a nervous effect on him: too much
moisture everywhere made him feel almost imbecile. Unwilling, he went through
it all. A dog barked violently at him. He peered in all the buildings. At last,
as he opened the upper door of a sort of intermediate barn, he heard a grinding
noise, and looking in, holding up his lantern, saw Maurice, in his
shirt-sleeves, standing listening, holding the handle of a turnip-pulper. He
had been pulping sweet roots, a pile of which lay dimly heaped in a corner behind
him.
“That you, Wernham?”
said Maurice, listening.
“No, it’s me,” said
Bertie.
A large, half-wild grey
cat was rubbing at Maurice’s leg. The blind man stooped to rub its sides.
Bertie watched the scene, then unconsciously entered and shut the door behind
him, He was in a high sort of barn-place, from which, right and left, ran off
the corridors in front of the stalled cattle. He watched the slow, stooping
motion of the other man, as he caressed the great cat.
Maurice straightened
himself.
“You came to look for
me?” he said.
“Isabel was a little
uneasy,” said Bertie.
“I’ll come in. I like
messing about doing these jobs.”
The cat had reared her
sinister, feline length against his leg, clawing at his thigh affectionately.
He lifted her claws out of his flesh.
“I hope I’m not in your
way at all at the Grange here,” said Bertie, rather shy and stiff.
“My way? No, not a bit.
I’m glad Isabel has somebody to talk to. I’m afraid it’s I who am in the way. I
know I’m not very lively company. Isabel’s all right, don’t you think? She’s
not unhappy, is she?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What does she say?”
“She says she’s very
content—only a little troubled about you.”
“Why me?”
“Perhaps afraid that you
might brood,” said Bertie, cautiously.
“She needn’t be afraid
of that.” He continued to caress the flattened grey head of the cat with his
fingers. “What I am a bit afraid of,” he resumed, “is that she’ll find me a
dead weight, always alone with me down here.”
“I don’t think you need
think that,” said Bertie, though this was what he feared himself.
“I don’t know,” said
Maurice. “Sometimes I feel it isn’t fair that she’s saddled with me.” Then he
dropped his voice curiously. “I say,” he asked, secretly struggling, “is my
face much disfigured? Do you mind telling me?”
“There is the scar,”
said Bertie, wondering. “Yes, it is a disfigurement. But more pitiable than
shocking.”
“A pretty bad scar,
though,” said Maurice.
“Oh, yes.”
There was a pause.
“Sometimes I feel I am
horrible,” said Maurice, in a low voice, talking as if to himself. And Bertie
actually felt a quiver of horror.
“That’s nonsense,” he
said.
Maurice again
straightened himself, leaving the cat.
“There’s no telling,” he
said. Then again, in an odd tone, he added: “I don’t really know you, do I?”
“Probably not,” said
Bertie.
“Do you mind if I touch
you?”
The lawyer shrank away
instinctively. And yet, out of very philanthropy, he said, in a small voice:
“Not at all.”
But he suffered as the
blind man stretched out a strong, naked hand to him. Maurice accidentally
knocked off Bertie’s hat.
“I thought you were
taller,” he said, starting. Then he laid his hand on Bertie Reid’s head,
closing the dome of the skull in a soft, firm grasp, gathering it, as it were;
then, shifting his grasp and softly closing again, with a fine, close pressure,
till he had covered the skull and the face of the smaller man, tracing the
brows, and touching the full, closed eyes, touching the small nose and the
nostrils, the rough, short moustache, the mouth, the rather strong chin. The
hand of the blind man grasped the shoulder, the arm, the hand of the other man.
He seemed to take him, in the soft, travelling grasp.
“You seem young,” he
said quietly, at last.
The lawyer stood almost
annihilated, unable to answer.
“Your head seems tender,
as if you were young,” Maurice repeated. “So do your hands. Touch my eyes, will
you?—touch my scar.”
Now Bertie quivered with
revulsion. Yet he was under the power of the blind man, as if hypnotized. He
lifted his hand, and laid the fingers on the scar, on the scarred eyes. Maurice
suddenly covered them with his own hand, pressed the fingers of the other man
upon his disfigured eye-sockets, trembling in every fibre, and rocking
slightly, slowly, from side to side. He remained thus for a minute or more,
whilst Bertie stood as if in a swoon, unconscious, imprisoned.
Then suddenly Maurice
removed the hand of the other man from his brow, and stood holding it in his
own.
“Oh, my God’ he said,
“we shall know each other now, shan’t we? We shall know each other now.”
Bertie could not answer.
He gazed mute and terror-struck, overcome by his own weakness. He knew he could
not answer. He had an unreasonable fear, lest the other man should suddenly
destroy him. Whereas Maurice was actually filled with hot, poignant love, the
passion of friendship. Perhaps it was this very passion of friendship which
Bertie shrank from most.
“We’re all right
together now, aren’t we?” said Maurice. “It’s all right now, as long as we
live, so far as we’re concerned?”
“Yes,” said Bertie,
trying by any means to escape.
Maurice stood with head
lifted, as if listening. The new delicate fulfilment of mortal friendship had
come as a revelation and surprise to him, something exquisite and unhoped-for.
He seemed to be listening to hear if it were real.
Then he turned for his
coat.
“Come,” he said, “we’ll
go to Isabel.”
Bertie took the lantern
and opened the door. The cat disappeared. The two men went in silence along the
causeways. Isabel, as they came, thought their footsteps sounded strange. She
looked up pathetically and anxiously for their entrance. There seemed a curious
elation about Maurice. Bertie was haggard, with sunken eyes.
“What is it?” she asked.
“We’ve become friends,”
said Maurice, standing with his feet apart, like a strange colossus.
“Friends!” re-echoed
Isabel. And she looked again at Bertie. He met her eyes with a furtive, haggard
look; his eyes were as if glazed with misery.
“I’m so glad,” she said,
in sheer perplexity.
“Yes,” said Maurice.
He was indeed so glad.
Isabel took his hand with both hers, and held it fast.
“You’ll be happier now,
dear,” she said.
But she was watching
Bertie. She knew that he had one desire—to escape from this intimacy, this
friendship, which had been thrust upon him. He could not bear it that he had
been touched by the blind man, his insane reserve broken in. He was like a
mollusc whose shell is broken.
At first Joe thought the job O.K. He was loading
hay on the trucks, along with Albert, the corporal. The two men were pleasantly
billeted in a cottage not far from the station: they were their own masters,
for Joe never thought of Albert as a master. And the little sidings of the tiny
village station was as pleasant a place as you could wish for. On one side,
beyond the line, stretched the woods: on the other, the near side, across a
green smooth field red houses were dotted among flowering apple trees. The
weather being sunny, work being easy, Albert, a real good pal, what life could
be better! After Flanders, it was heaven itself.
Albert, the corporal,
was a clean-shaven, shrewd-looking fellow of about forty. He seemed to think
his one aim in life was to be full of fun and nonsense. In repose, his face
looked a little withered, old. He was a very good pal to Joe, steady, decent
and grave under all his “mischief”; for his mischief was only his laborious way
of skirting his own ennui.
Joe was much younger
than Albert—only twenty-three. He was a tallish, quiet youth, pleasant looking.
He was of a slightly better class than his corporal, more personable. Careful
about his appearance, he shaved every day. “I haven’t got much of a face,” said
Albert. “If I was to shave every day like you, Joe, I should have none.”
There was plenty of life
in the little goods-yard: three porter youths, a continual come and go of farm
wagons bringing hay, wagons with timber from the woods, coal carts loading at
the trucks. The black coal seemed to make the place sleepier, hotter. Round the
big white gate the station-master’s children played and his white chickens
walked, whilst the stationmaster himself, a young man getting too fat, helped
his wife to peg out the washing on the clothes line in the meadow.
The great boat-shaped
wagons came up from Playcross with the hay. At first the farm-men waggoned it.
On the third day one of the land-girls appeared with the first load, drawing to
a standstill easily at the head of her two great horses. She was a buxom girl,
young, in linen overalls and gaiters. Her face was ruddy, she had large blue
eyes.
“Now that’s the waggoner
for us, boys,” said the corporal loudly.
“Whoa!” she said to her
horses; and then to the corporal: “Which boys do you mean?”
“We are the pick of the
bunch. That’s Joe, my pal. Don’t you let on that my name’s Albert,” said the
corporal to his private. “I’m the corporal.”
“And I’m Miss Stokes,”
said the land-girl coolly, “if that’s all the boys you are.”
“You know you couldn’t
want more, Miss Stokes,” said Albert politely. Joe, who was bare-headed, whose
grey flannel sleeves were rolled up to the elbow, and whose shirt was open at
the breast, looked modestly aside as if he had no part in the affair.
“Are you on this job
regular, then?” said the corporal to Miss Stokes.
“I don’t know for sure,”
she said, pushing a piece of hair under her hat, and attending to her splendid
horses.
“Oh, make it a
certainty,” said Albert.
She did not reply. She
turned and looked over the two men coolly. She was pretty, moderately blonde,
with crisp hair, a good skin, and large blue eyes. She was strong, too, and the
work went on leisurely and easily.
“Now!” said the
corporal, stopping as usual to look round, “pleasant company makes work a
pleasure—don’t hurry it, boys.” He stood on the truck surveying the world. That
was one of his great and absorbing occupations: to stand and look out on things
in general. Joe, also standing on the truck, also turned round to look what was
to be seen. But he could not become blankly absorbed, as Albert could.
Miss Stokes watched the
two men from under her broad felt hat. She had seen hundreds of Alberts, khaki
soldiers standing in loose attitudes, absorbed in watching nothing in
particular. She had seen also a good many Joes, quiet, good-looking young
soldiers with half-averted faces. But there was something in the turn of Joe’s
head, and something in his quiet, tender-looking form, young and fresh—which
attracted her eye. As she watched him closely from below, he turned as if he
felt her, and his dark-blue eye met her straight, light-blue gaze. He faltered
and turned aside again and looked as if he were going to fall off the truck. A
slight flush mounted under the girl’s full, ruddy face. She liked him.
Always, after this, when
she came into the sidings with her team, it was Joe she looked for. She
acknowledged to herself that she was sweet on him. But Albert did all the
talking. He was so full of fun and nonsense. Joe was a very shy bird, very
brief and remote in his answers. Miss Stokes was driven to indulge in repartee
with Albert, but she fixed her magnetic attention on the younger fellow. Joe
would talk with Albert, and laugh at his jokes. But Miss Stokes could get
little out of him. She had to depend on her silent forces. They were more
effective than might be imagined.
Suddenly, on Saturday
afternoon, at about two o’clock, Joe received a bolt from the blue—a telegram:
“Meet me Belbury Station 6.00 p.m. today. M.S.” He knew at once who M.S. was.
His heart melted, he felt weak as if he had had a blow.
“What’s the trouble,
boy?” asked Albert anxiously.
“No—no trouble—it’s to
meet somebody.” Joe lifted his dark-blue eyes in confusion towards his
corporal.
“Meet somebody!”
repeated the corporal, watching his young pal with keen blue eyes. “It’s all
right, then; nothing wrong?”
“No—nothing wrong. I’m
not going,” said Joe.
Albert was old and
shrewd enough to see that nothing more should be said before the housewife. He
also saw that Joe did not want to take him into confidence. So he held his
peace, though he was piqued.
The two soldiers went
into town, smartened up. Albert knew a fair number of the boys round about;
there would be plenty of gossip in the market-place, plenty of lounging in
groups on the Bath Road, watching the Saturday evening shoppers. Then a modest
drink or two, and the movies. They passed an agreeable, casual,
nothing-in-particular evening, with which Joe was quite satisfied. He thought
of Belbury Station, and of M.S. waiting there. He had not the faintest
intention of meeting her. And he had not the faintest intention of telling
Albert.
And yet, when the two
men were in their bedroom, half undressed, Joe suddenly held out the telegram
to his corporal, saying: “What d’you think of that?”
Albert was just
unbuttoning his braces. He desisted, took the telegram form, and turned towards
the candle to read it.
“Meet me Belbury
Station 6.00 p.m. today. M.S.,” he read, sotto voce. His face
took on its fun-and-nonsense look.
“Who’s M.S.?” he asked,
looking shrewdly at Joe.
“You know as well as I
do,” said Joe, non-committal.
“M.S.,” repeated Albert.
“Blamed if I know, boy. Is it a woman?”
The conversation was
carried on in tiny voices, for fear of disturbing the householders.
“I don’t know,” said
Joe, turning. He looked full at Albert, the two men looked straight into each
other’s eyes. There was a lurking grin in each of them.
“Well, I’m—blamed!”
said Albert at last, throwing the telegram down emphatically on the bed.
“Wha-at?” said Joe,
grinning rather sheepishly, his eyes clouded none the less.
Albert sat on the bed
and proceeded to undress, nodding his head with mock gravity all the while. Joe
watched him foolishly.
“What?” he repeated
faintly.
Albert looked up at him
with a knowing look.
“If that isn’t coming it
quick, boy!” he said. “What the blazes! What ha’ you bin doing?”
“Nothing!” said Joe.
Albert slowly shook his
head as he sat on the side of the bed.
“Don’t happen to me when
I’ve bin doin’ nothing,” he said. And he proceeded to pull off his stockings.
Joe turned away, looking
at himself in the mirror as he unbuttoned his tunic.
“You didn’t want to keep
the appointment?” Albert asked, in a changed voice, from the bedside.
Joe did not answer for a
moment. Then he said:
“I made no appointment.”
“I’m not saying you did,
boy. Don’t be nasty about it. I mean you didn’t want to answer the—unknown
person’s summons—shall I put it that way?”
“No,” said Joe.
“What was the deterring
motive?” asked Albert, who was now lying on his back in bed.
“Oh,” said Joe, suddenly
looking round rather haughtily. “I didn’t want to.” He had a well-balanced
head, and could take on a sudden distant bearing.
“Didn’t want to—didn’t
cotton on, like. Well—they be artful, the women—” he mimicked his
landlord. “Come on into bed, boy. Don’t loiter about as if you’d lost
something.”
Albert turned over, to
sleep.
On Monday Miss Stokes
turned up as usual, striding beside her team. Her “whoa!” was resonant and challenging,
she looked up at the truck as her steeds came to a standstill. Joe had turned
aside, and had his face averted from her. She glanced him over—save for his
slender succulent tenderness she would have despised him. She sized him up in a
steady look. Then she turned to Albert, who was looking down at her and smiling
in his mischievous turn. She knew his aspects by now. She looked straight back
at him, though her eyes were hot. He saluted her.
“Beautiful morning, Miss
Stokes.”
“Very!” she replied.
“Handsome is as handsome
looks,” said Albert.
Which produced no
response.
“Now, Joe, come on
here,” said the corporal. “Don’t keep the ladies waiting—it’s the sign of a
weak heart.”
Joe turned, and the work
began. Nothing more was said for the time being. As the week went on all
parties became more comfortable. Joe remained silent, averted, neutral, a
little on his dignity. Miss Stokes was off-hand and masterful. Albert was full
of mischief.
The great theme was a
circus, which was coming to the market town on the following Saturday.
“You’ll go to the
circus, Miss Stokes?” said Albert.
“I may go. Are you
going?”
“Certainly. Give us the
pleasure of escorting you.”
“No, thanks.”
“That’s what I call a
flat refusal—what, Joe? You don’t mean that you have no liking for our company,
Miss Stokes?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said
Miss Stokes. “How many are there of you?”
“Only me and Joe.”
“Oh, is that all?” she
said, satirically.
Albert was a little
nonplussed.
“Isn’t that enough for
you?” he asked.
“Too many by half,”
blurted out Joe, jeeringly, in a sudden fit of uncouth rudeness that made both
the others stare.
“Oh, I’ll stand out of
the way, boy, if that’s it,” said Albert to Joe. Then he turned mischievously
to Miss Stokes. “He wants to know what M. stands for,” he said, confidentially.
“Monkeys,” she replied,
turning to her horses.
“What’s M.S.?” said
Albert.
“Monkey-nuts,” she
retorted, leading off her team.
Albert looked after her
a little discomfited. Joe had flushed dark, and cursed Albert in his heart.
On the Saturday
afternoon the two soldiers took the train into town. They would have to walk
home. They had tea at six o’clock, and lounged about till half past seven. The
circus was in a meadow near the river—a great red-and-white striped tent.
Caravans stood at the side. A great crowd of people was gathered round the
ticket-caravan.
Inside the tent the
lamps were lighted, shining on a ring of faces, a great circular bank of faces
round the green grassy centre. Along with some comrades, the two soldiers
packed themselves on a thin plank seat, rather high. They were delighted with
the flaring lights, the wild effect. But the circus performance did not affect
them deeply. They admired the lady in black velvet with rose-purple legs who
leapt so neatly on to the galloping horse; they watched the feats of strength
and laughed at the clown. But they felt a little patronizing, they missed the
sensational drama of the cinema.
Half-way through the
performance Joe was electrified to see the face of Miss Stokes not very far
from him. There she was, in her khaki and her felt hat, as usual; he pretended
not to see her. She was laughing at the clown; she also pretended not to see
him. It was a blow to him, and it made him angry. He would not even mention it
to Albert. Least said, soonest mended. He liked to believe she had not seen
him. But he knew, fatally, that she had.
When they came out it
was nearly eleven o’clock; a lovely night, with a moon and tall, dark, noble
trees: a magnificent May night. Joe and Albert laughed and chaffed with the
boys. Joe looked round frequently to see if he were safe from Miss Stokes. It
seemed so.
But there were six miles
to walk home. At last the two soldiers set off, swinging their canes. The road
was white between tall hedges, other stragglers were passing out of the town
towards the villages; the air was full of pleased excitement.
They were drawing near
to the village when they saw a dark figure ahead. Joe’s heart sank with pure
fear. It was a figure wheeling a bicycle; a land girl; Miss Stokes. Albert was
ready with his nonsense. Miss Stokes had a puncture.
“Let me wheel the
rattler,” said Albert.
“Thank you,” said Miss
Stokes. “You are kind.”
“Oh, I’d be kinder than
that, if you’d show me how,” said Albert.
“Are you sure?” said
Miss Stokes.
“Doubt my words?” said
Albert. “That’s cruel of you, Miss Stokes.”
Miss Stokes walked
between them, close to Joe.
“Have you been to the
circus?” she asked him.
“Yes,” he replied,
mildly.
“Have you been?”
Albert asked her.
“Yes. I didn’t see you,”
she replied.
“What!—you say so!
Didn’t see us! Didn’t think us worth looking at,” began Albert. “Aren’t I as
handsome as the clown, now? And you didn’t as much as glance in our direction?
I call it a downright oversight.”
“I never saw you,”
reiterated Miss Stokes. “I didn’t know you saw me.”
“That makes it worse,”
said Albert.
The road passed through
a belt of dark pine-wood. The village, and the branch road, was very near. Miss
Stokes put out her fingers and felt for Joe’s hand as it swung at his side. To
say he was staggered is to put it mildly. Yet he allowed her softly to clasp
his fingers for a few moments. But he was a mortified youth.
At the cross-road they
stopped—Miss Stokes should turn off. She had another mile to go.
“You’ll let us see you
home,” said Albert.
“Do me a kindness,” she
said. “Put my bike in your shed, and take it to Baker’s on Monday, will you?”
“I’ll sit up all night
and mend it for you, if you like.”
“No thanks. And Joe and
I’ll walk on.”
“Oh—ho! Oh—ho!” sang
Albert. “Joe! Joe! What do you say to that, now, boy? Aren’t you in luck’s way.
And I get the bloomin’ old bike for my pal. Consider it again, Miss Stokes.”
Joe turned aside his
face, and did not speak.
“Oh, well! I wheel the
grid, do I? I leave you, boy—”
“I’m not keen on going
any further,” barked out Joe, in an uncouth voice. “She hain’t my choice.”
The girl stood silent,
and watched the two men.
“There now!” said
Albert. “Think o’ that! If it was me now—” But he was
uncomfortable. “Well, Miss Stokes, have me,” he added.
Miss Stokes stood quite
still, neither moved nor spoke. And so the three remained for some time at the
lane end. At last Joe began kicking the ground—then he suddenly lifted his
face. At that moment Miss Stokes was at his side. She put her arm delicately
round his waist.
“Seems I’m the one
extra, don’t you think?” Albert inquired of the high bland moon.
Joe had dropped his head
and did not answer. Miss Stokes stood with her arm lightly round his waist.
Albert bowed, saluted, and bade good-night. He walked away, leaving the two standing.
Miss Stokes put a light
pressure on Joe’s waist, and drew him down the road. They walked in silence.
The night was full of scent—wild cherry, the first bluebells. Still they walked
in silence. A nightingale was singing. They approached nearer and nearer, till
they stood close by his dark bush. The powerful notes sounded from the cover,
almost like flashes of light—then the interval of silence—then the moaning
notes, almost like a dog faintly howling, followed by the long, rich trill, and
flashing notes. Then a short silence again.
Miss Stokes turned at
last to Joe. She looked up at him, and in the moonlight he saw her faintly
smiling. He felt maddened, but helpless. Her arm was round his waist, she drew
him closely to her with a soft pressure that made all his bones rotten.
Meanwhile Albert was
waiting at home. He put on his overcoat, for the fire was out, and he had had
malarial fever. He looked fitfully at the Daily Mirror and
the Daily Sketch, but he saw nothing. It seemed a long time. He
began to yawn widely, even to nod. At last Joe came in.
Albert looked at him
keenly. The young man’s brow was black, his face sullen.
“All right, boy?” asked
Albert.
Joe merely grunted for a
reply. There was nothing more to be got out of him. So they went to bed.
Next day Joe was silent,
sullen. Albert could make nothing of him. He proposed a walk after tea.
“I’m going somewhere,”
said Joe.
“Where—Monkey-nuts?”
asked the corporal. But Joe’s brow only became darker.
So the days went by.
Almost every evening Joe went off alone, returning late. He was sullen,
taciturn and had a hang-dog look, a curious way of dropping his head and
looking dangerously from under his brows. And he and Albert did not get on so
well any more with one another. For all his fun and nonsense, Albert was really
irritable, soon made angry. And Joe’s stand-offish sulkiness and complete lack
of confidence riled him, got on his nerves. His fun and nonsense took a biting,
sarcastic turn, at which Joe’s eyes glittered occasionally, though the young man
turned unheeding aside. Then again Joe would be full of odd, whimsical fun,
outshining Albert himself.
Miss Stokes still came
to the station with the wain: Monkey-nuts, Albert called her, though not to her
face. For she was very clear and good-looking, almost she seemed to gleam. And
Albert was a tiny bit afraid of her. She very rarely addressed Joe whilst the
hay-loading was going on, and that young man always turned his back to her. He
seemed thinner, and his limber figure looked more slouching. But still it had
the tender, attractive appearance, especially from behind. His tanned face, a
little thinned and darkened, took a handsome, slightly sinister look.
“Come on, Joe!” the
corporal urged sharply one day. “What’re you doing, boy? Looking for beetles on
the bank?”
Joe turned round
swiftly, almost menacing, to work.
“He’s a different fellow
these days, Miss Stokes,” said Albert to the young woman. “What’s got him? Is
it Monkey-nuts that don’t suit him, do you think?”
“Choked with chaff, more
like,” she retorted. “It’s as bad as feeding a threshing machine, to have to
listen to some folks.”
“As bad as what?” said
Albert. “You don’t mean me, do you, Miss Stokes?”
“No,” she cried. “I
don’t mean you.”
Joe’s face became dark
red during these sallies, but he said nothing. He would eye the young woman
curiously, as she swung so easily at the work, and he had some of the look of a
dog which is going to bite.
Albert, with his nerves
on edge, began to find the strain rather severe. The next Saturday evening,
when Joe came in more black-browed than ever, he watched him, determined to
have it out with him.
When the boy went
upstairs to bed, the corporal followed him. He closed the door behind him
carefully, sat on the bed and watched the younger man undressing. And for once
he spoke in a natural voice, neither chaffing nor commanding.
“What’s gone wrong,
boy?”
Joe stopped a moment as
if he had been shot. Then he went on unwinding his puttees, and did not answer
or look up.
“You can hear, can’t
you?” said Albert, nettled.
“Yes, I can hear,” said
Joe, stooping over his puttees till his face was purple.
“Then why don’t you
answer?”
Joe sat up. He gave a
long, sideways look at the corporal. Then he lifted his eyes and stared at a
crack in the ceiling.
The corporal watched these
movements shrewdly.
“And then what?”
he asked, ironically.
Again Joe turned and
stared him in the face. The corporal smiled very slightly, but kindly.
“There’ll be murder done
one of these days,” said Joe, in a quiet, unimpassioned voice.
“So long as it’s by
daylight—” replied Albert. Then he went over, sat down by Joe, put his hand on
his shoulder affectionately, and continued, “What is it, boy? What’s gone
wrong? You can trust me, can’t you?”
Joe turned and looked
curiously at the face so near to his.
“It’s nothing, that’s
all,” he said laconically.
Albert frowned.
“Then who’s going to be
murdered?—and who’s going to do the murdering?—me or you—which is it, boy?” He
smiled gently at the stupid youth, looking straight at him all the while, into
his eyes. Gradually the stupid, hunted, glowering look died out of Joe’s eyes.
He turned his head aside, gently, as one rousing from a spell.
“I don’t want her,” he
said, with fierce resentment.
“Then you needn’t have
her,” said Albert. “What do you go for, boy?”
But it wasn’t as simple
as all that. Joe made no remark.
“She’s a smart-looking
girl. What’s wrong with her, my boy? I should have thought you were a lucky
chap, myself.”
“I don’t want ’er,” Joe
barked, with ferocity and resentment.
“Then tell her so and have
done,” said Albert. He waited awhile. There was no response. “Why don’t you?”
he added.
“Because I don’t,”
confessed Joe, sulkily.
Albert pondered—rubbed
his head.
“You’re too
soft-hearted, that’s where it is, boy. You want your mettle dipping in cold water,
to temper it. You’re too soft-hearted—”
He laid his arm
affectionately across the shoulders of the younger man. Joe seemed to yield a
little towards him.
“When are you going to
see her again?” Albert asked. For a long time there was no answer.
“When is it, boy?”
persisted the softened voice of the corporal.
“Tomorrow,” confessed
Joe.
“Then let me go,” said
Albert. “Let me go, will you?”
The morrow was Sunday, a
sunny day, but a cold evening. The sky was grey, the new foliage very green,
but the air was chill and depressing. Albert walked briskly down the white road
towards Beeley. He crossed a larch plantation, and followed a narrow by-road,
where blue speedwell flowers fell from the banks into the dust. He walked
swinging his cane, with mixed sensations. Then having gone a certain length, he
turned and began to walk in the opposite direction.
So he saw a young woman
approaching him. She was wearing a wide hat of grey straw, and a loose,
swinging dress of nigger-grey velvet. She walked with slow inevitability.
Albert faltered a little as he approached her. Then he saluted her, and his
roguish, slightly withered skin flushed. She was staring straight into his
face.
He fell in by her side,
saying impudently:
“Not so nice for a walk
as it was, is it?”
She only stared at him.
He looked back at her.
“You’ve seen me before,
you know,” he said, grinning slightly. “Perhaps you never noticed me. Oh, I’m
quite nice looking, in a quiet way, you know. What—?”
But Miss Stokes did not
speak: she only stared with large, icy blue eyes at him. He became
self-conscious, lifted up his chin, walked with his nose in the air, and
whistled at random. So they went down the quiet, deserted grey lane. He was
whistling the air: “I’m Gilbert, the filbert, the colonel of the nuts.”
At last she found her
voice:
“Where’s Joe?”
“He thought you’d like a
change: they say variety’s the salt of life—that’s why I’m mostly in pickle.”
“Where is he?”
“Am I my brother’s
keeper? He’s gone his own ways.”
“Where?”
“Nay, how am I to know?
Not so far but he’ll be back for supper.”
She stopped in the
middle of the lane. He stopped facing her.
“Where’s Joe?” she
asked.
He struck a careless
attitude, looked down the road this way and that, lifted his eyebrows, pushed
his khaki cap on one side, and answered:
“He is not conducting
the service tonight: he asked me if I’d officiate.”
“Why hasn’t he come?”
“Didn’t want to, I
expect. I wanted to.”
She stared him up and
down, and he felt uncomfortable in his spine, but maintained his air of
nonchalance. Then she turned slowly on her heel, and started to walk back. The
corporal went at her side.
“You’re not going back,
are you?” he pleaded. “Why, me and you, we should get on like a house on fire.”
She took no heed, but
walked on. He went uncomfortably at her side, making his funny remarks from
time to time. But she was as if stone deaf. He glanced at her, and to his
dismay saw the tears running down her cheeks. He stopped suddenly, and pushed
back his cap.
“I say, you know—” he
began.
But she was walking on
like an automaton, and he had to hurry after her.
She never spoke to him.
At the gate of her farm she walked straight in, as if he were not there. He
watched her disappear. Then he turned on his heel, cursing silently, puzzled,
lifting off his cap to scratch his head.
That night, when they
were in bed, he remarked: “Say, Joe, boy; strikes me you’re well-off without
Monkey-nuts. Gord love us, beans ain’t in it.”
So they slept in amity.
But they waited with some anxiety for the morrow.
It was a cold morning, a
grey sky shifting in a cold wind, and threatening rain. They watched the wagon
come up the road and through the yard gates. Miss Stokes was with her team as
usual; her “Whoa!” rang out like a war-whoop.
She faced up at the
truck where the two men stood.
“Joe!” she called, to
the averted figure which stood up in the wind.
“What?” he turned
unwillingly.
She made a queer
movement, lifting her head slightly in a sipping, half-inviting,
half-commanding gesture. And Joe was crouching already to jump off the truck to
obey her, when Albert put his hand on his shoulder.
“Half a minute, boy!
Where are you off? Work’s work, and nuts is nuts. You stop here.”
Joe slowly straightened
himself.
“Joe!” came the woman’s
clear call from below.
Again Joe looked at her.
But Albert’s hand was on his shoulder, detaining him. He stood half averted,
with his tail between his legs.
“Take your hand off him,
you!” said Miss Stokes.
“Yes, Major,” retorted
Albert satirically.
She stood and watched.
“Joe!” Her voice rang
for the third time.
Joe turned and looked at
her, and a slow, jeering smile gathered on his face.
“Monkey-nuts!” he
replied, in a tone mocking her call.
She turned white—dead
white. The men thought she would fall. Albert began yelling to the porters up
the line to come and help with the load. He could yell like any
non-commissioned officer upon occasion.
Some way or other the
wagon was unloaded, the girl was gone. Joe and his corporal looked at one
another and smiled slowly. But they had a weight on their minds, they were
afraid.
They were reassured,
however, when they found that Miss Stokes came no more with the hay. As far as
they were concerned, she had vanished into oblivion. And Joe felt more relieved
even than he had felt when he heard the firing cease, after the news had come
that the armistice was signed.
There was thin, crisp snow on the ground, the
sky was blue, the wind very cold, the air clear. Farmers were just turning out
the cows for an hour or so in the midday, and the smell of cow-sheds was
unendurable as I entered Tible. I noticed the ash-twigs up in the sky were pale
and luminous, passing into the blue. And then I saw the peacocks. There they
were in the road before me, three of them, and tailless, brown, speckled birds,
with dark-blue necks and ragged crests. They stepped archly over the filigree
snow, and their bodies moved with slow motion, like small, light, flat-bottomed
boats. I admired them, they were curious. Then a gust of wind caught them,
heeled them over as if they were three frail boats opening their feathers like
ragged sails. They hopped and skipped with discomfort, to get out of the
draught of the wind. And then, in the lee of the walls, they resumed their
arch, wintry motion, light and unballasted now their tails were gone, indifferent.
They were indifferent to my presence. I might have touched them. They turned
off to the shelter of an open shed.
As I passed the end of
the upper house, I saw a young woman just coming out of the back door. I had
spoken to her in the summer. She recognised me at once, and waved to me. She
was carrying a pail, wearing a white apron that was longer than her
preposterously short skirt, and she had on the cotton bonnet. I took off my hat
to her and was going on. But she put down her pail and darted with a swift,
furtive movement after me.
“Do you mind waiting a
minute?” she said. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
She gave me a slight,
odd smile, and ran back. Her face was long and sallow and her nose rather red.
But her gloomy black eyes softened caressively to me for a moment, with that
momentary humility which makes a man lord of the earth.
I stood in the road,
looking at the fluffy, dark-red young cattle that mooed and seemed to bark at
me. They seemed happy, frisky cattle, a little impudent, and either determined to
go back into the warm shed, or determined not to go back, I could not decide
which.
Presently the woman came
forward again, her head rather ducked. But she looked up at me and smiled, with
that odd, immediate intimacy, something witch-like and impossible.
“Sorry to keep you
waiting,” she said. “Shall we stand in this cart-shed—it will be more out of
the wind.”
So we stood among the
shafts of the open cart-shed that faced the road. Then she looked down at the
ground, a little sideways, and I noticed a small black frown on her brows. She
seemed to brood for a moment. Then she looked straight into my eyes, so that I
blinked and wanted to turn my face aside. She was searching me for something
and her look was too near. The frown was still on her keen, sallow brow.
“Can you speak French?”
she asked me abruptly.
“More or less,” I
replied.
“I was supposed to learn
it at school,” she said. “But I don’t know a word.” She ducked her head and
laughed, with a slightly ugly grimace and a rolling of her black eyes.
“No good keeping your
mind full of scraps,” I answered.
But she had turned aside
her sallow, long face, and did not hear what I said. Suddenly again she looked
at me. She was searching. And at the same time she smiled at me, and her eyes
looked softly, darkly, with infinite trustful humility into mine. I was being
cajoled.
“Would you mind reading
a letter for me, in French,” she said, her face immediately black and
bitter-looking. She glanced at me, frowning.
“Not at all,” I said.
“It’s a letter to my
husband,” she said, still scrutinizing.
I looked at her, and
didn’t quite realise. She looked too far into me, my wits were gone. She
glanced round. Then she looked at me shrewdly. She drew a letter from her
pocket, and handed it to me. It was addressed from France to Lance-Corporal
Goyte, at Tible. I took out the letter and began to read it, as mere words. “Mon
cher Alfred”—it might have been a bit of a torn newspaper. So I followed
the script: the trite phrases of a letter from a French-speaking girl to an
English soldier. “I think of you always, always. Do you think sometimes of me?”
And then I vaguely realised that I was reading a man’s private correspondence.
And yet, how could one consider these trivial, facile French phrases private!
Nothing more trite and vulgar in the world, than such a love-letter—no
newspaper more obvious.
Therefore I read with a
callous heart the effusions of the Belgian damsel. But then I gathered my
attention. For the letter went on, “Notre cher petit bébé—our dear
little baby was born a week ago. Almost I died, knowing you were far away, and
perhaps forgetting the fruit of our perfect love. But the child comforted me.
He has the smiling eyes and virile air of his English father. I pray to the
Mother of Jesus to send me the dear father of my child, that I may see him with
my child in his arms, and that we may be united in holy family love. Ah, my
Alfred, can I tell you how I miss you, how I weep for you. My thoughts are with
you always, I think of nothing but you, I live for nothing but you and our dear
baby. If you do not come back to me soon, I shall die, and our child will die.
But no, you cannot come back to me. But I can come to you, come to England with
our child. If you do not wish to present me to your good mother and father, you
can meet me in some town, some city, for I shall be so frightened to be alone
in England with my child, and no one to take care of us. Yet I must come to
you, I must bring my child, my little Alfred to his father, the big, beautiful
Alfred that I love so much. Oh, write and tell me where I shall come. I have
some money, I am not a penniless creature. I have money for myself and my dear
baby—”
I read to the end. It
was signed: “Your very happy and still more unhappy Élise.” I suppose I must
have been smiling.
“I can see it makes you
laugh,” said Mrs. Goyte, sardonically. I looked up at her.
“It’s a love-letter, I
know that,” she said. “There’s too many ‘Alfreds’ in it.”
“One too many,” I said.
“Oh, yes—And what does
she say—Eliza? We know her name’s Eliza, that’s another thing.” She grimaced a
little, looking up at me with a mocking laugh.
“Where did you get this
letter?” I said.
“Postman gave it me last
week.”
“And is your husband at
home?”
“I expect him home
tonight. He’s been wounded, you know, and we’ve been applying for him home. He
was home about six weeks ago—he’s been in Scotland since then. Oh, he was
wounded in the leg. Yes, he’s all right, a great strapping fellow. But he’s
lame, he limps a bit. He expects he’ll get his discharge—but I don’t think he will.
We married? We’ve been married six years—and he joined up the first day of the
war. Oh, he thought he’d like the life. He’d been through the South African
War. No, he was sick of it, fed up. I’m living with his father and mother—I’ve
no home of my own now. My people had a big farm—over a thousand acres—in
Oxfordshire. Not like here—no. Oh, they’re very good to me, his father and
mother. Oh, yes, they couldn’t be better. They think more of me than of their
own daughters. But it’s not like being in a place of your own, is it? You
can’t really do as you like. No, there’s only me and his
father and mother at home. Before the war? Oh, he was anything. He’s had a good
education—but he liked the farming better. Then he was a chauffeur. That’s how
he knew French. He was driving a gentleman in France for a long time—”
At this point the
peacocks came round the corner on a puff of wind.
“Hello, Joey!” she
called, and one of the birds came forward, on delicate legs. Its grey speckled
back was very elegant, it rolled its full, dark-blue neck as it moved to her.
She crouched down. “Joey, dear,” she said, in an odd, saturnine caressive
voice, “you’re bound to find me, aren’t you?” She put her face forward, and the
bird rolled his neck, almost touching her face with his beak, as if kissing
her.
“He loves you,” I said.
She twisted her face up
at me with a laugh.
“Yes,” she said, “he
loves me, Joey does,”—then, to the bird—“and I love Joey, don’t I. I do love
Joey.” And she smoothed his feathers for a moment. Then she rose, saying: “He’s
an affectionate bird.”
I smiled at the roll of
her “bir-rrd’.
“Oh, yes, he is,” she
protested. “He came with me from my home seven years ago. Those others are his
descendants—but they’re not like Joey—are they, dee-urr?” Her voice rose
at the end with a witch-like cry.
Then she forgot the
birds in the cart-shed and turned to business again.
“Won’t you read that
letter?” she said. “Read it, so that I know what it says.”
“It’s rather behind his
back,” I said.
“Oh, never mind him,”
she cried. “He’s been behind my back long enough—all these four years. If he
never did no worse things behind my back than I do behind his, he wouldn’t have
cause to grumble. You read me what it says.”
Now I felt a distinct
reluctance to do as she bid, and yet I began—“My dear Alfred.”
“I guessed that much,”
she said. “Eliza’s dear Alfred.” She laughed. “How do you say it in
French? Eliza?”
I told her, and she
repeated the name with great contempt—Élise.
“Go on,” she said.
“You’re not reading.”
So I began—“I have been
thinking of you sometimes—have you been thinking of me?”—
“Of several others as
well, beside her, I’ll wager,” said Mrs. Goyte.
“Probably not,” said I,
and continued. “A dear little baby was born here a week ago. Ah, can I tell you
my feelings when I take my darling little brother into my arms—”
“I’ll bet it’s his,”
cried Mrs. Goyte.
“No,” I said. “It’s her
mother’s.”
“Don’t you believe it,”
she cried. “It’s a blind. You mark, it’s her own right enough—and his.”
“No,” I said, “it’s her
mother’s.” “He has sweet smiling eyes, but not like your beautiful English
eyes—”
She suddenly struck her
hand on her skirt with a wild motion, and bent down, doubled with laughter.
Then she rose and covered her face with her hand.
“I’m forced to laugh at
the beautiful English eyes,” she said.
“Aren’t his eyes
beautiful?” I asked.
“Oh, yes—very! Go
on!—Joey, dear, dee-urr, Joey!”—this to the peacock.
—“Er—We miss you very
much. We all miss you. We wish you were here to see the darling baby. Ah,
Alfred, how happy we were when you stayed with us. We all loved you so much. My
mother will call the baby Alfred so that we shall never forget you—”
“Of course it’s his
right enough,” cried Mrs. Goyte.
“No,” I said. “It’s the
mother’s.” Er—“My mother is very well. My father came home yesterday—on leave.
He is delighted with his son, my little brother, and wishes to have him named
after you, because you were so good to us all in that terrible time, which I
shall never forget. I must weep now when I think of it. Well, you are far away
in England, and perhaps I shall never see you again. How did you find your dear
mother and father? I am so happy that your wound is better, and that you can
nearly walk—”
“How did he find his
dear wife!” cried Mrs. Goyte. “He never told her he had one. Think
of taking the poor girl in like that!”
“We are so pleased when
you write to us. Yet now you are in England you will forget the family you
served so well—”
“A bit too
well—eh, Joey!” cried the wife.
“If it had not been for
you we should not be alive now, to grieve and to rejoice in this life, that is
so hard for us. But we have recovered some of our losses, and no longer feel
the burden of poverty. The little Alfred is a great comfort to me. I hold him
to my breast and think of the big, good Alfred, and I weep to think that those
times of suffering were perhaps the times of a great happiness that is gone for
ever.”
“Oh, but isn’t it a
shame, to take a poor girl in like that!” cried Mrs. Goyte. “Never to let on
that he was married, and raise her hopes—I call it beastly, I do.”
“You don’t know,” I
said. “You know how anxious women are to fall in love, wife or no wife. How
could he help it, if she was determined to fall in love with him?”
“He could have helped it
if he’d wanted.”
“Well,” I said, “we
aren’t all heroes.”
“Oh, but that’s
different! The big, good Alfred!—did ever you hear such tommy-rot in your life!
Go on—what does she say at the end?”
“Er—We shall be pleased
to hear of your life in England. We all send many kind regards to your good
parents. I wish you all happiness for your future days. Your very affectionate
and ever-grateful Élise.”
There was silence for a
moment, during which Mrs. Goyte remained with her head dropped, sinister and
abstracted. Suddenly she lifted her face, and her eyes flashed.
“Oh, but I call it
beastly, I call it mean, to take a girl in like that.”
“Nay,” I said. “Probably
he hasn’t taken her in at all. Do you think those French girls are such poor
innocent things? I guess she’s a great deal more downy than he.”
“Oh, he’s one of the biggest
fools that ever walked,” she cried.
“There you are!” said I.
“But it’s his child
right enough,” she said.
“I don’t think so,” said
I.
“I’m sure of it.”
“Oh, well,” I said, “if
you prefer to think that way.”
“What other reason has
she for writing like that—”
I went out into the road
and looked at the cattle.
“Who is this driving the
cows?” I said. She too came out.
“It’s the boy from the
next farm,” she said.
“Oh, well,” said I,
“those Belgian girls! You never know where their letters will end. And, after
all, it’s his affair—you needn’t bother.”
“Oh—!” she cried, with
rough scorn—“it’s not me that bothers. But it’s the nasty
meanness of it—me writing him such loving letters”—she put her hand before her
face and laughed malevolently—“and sending him parcels all the time. You bet he
fed that gurrl on my parcels—I know he did. It’s just like him. I’ll bet they
laughed together over my letters. I bet anything they did—”
“Nay,” said I. “He’d
burn your letters for fear they’d give him away.”
There was a black look
on her yellow face. Suddenly a voice was heard calling. She poked her head out
of the shed, and answered coolly:
“All right!” Then
turning to me: “That’s his mother looking after me.”
She laughed into my
face, witch-like, and we turned down the road.
When I awoke, the
morning after this episode, I found the house darkened with deep, soft snow,
which had blown against the large west windows, covering them with a screen. I
went outside, and saw the valley all white and ghastly below me, the trees beneath
black and thin looking like wire, the rock-faces dark between the glistening
shroud, and the sky above sombre, heavy, yellowish-dark, much too heavy for
this world below of hollow bluey whiteness figured with black. I felt I was in
a valley of the dead. And I sensed I was a prisoner, for the snow was
everywhere deep, and drifted in places. So all the morning I remained indoors,
looking up the drive at the shrubs so heavily plumed with snow, at the
gateposts raised high with a foot or more of extra whiteness. Or I looked down
into the white-and-black valley that was utterly motionless and beyond life, a
hollow sarcophagus.
Nothing stirred the
whole day—no plume fell off the shrubs, the valley was as abstracted as a grove
of death. I looked over at the tiny, half-buried farms away on the bare uplands
beyond the valley hollow, and I thought of Tible in the snow, of the black
witch-like little Mrs. Goyte. And the snow seemed to lay me bare to influences
I wanted to escape.
In the faint glow of the
half-clear light that came about four o’clock in the afternoon, I was roused to
see a motion in the snow away below, near where the thorn-trees stood very
black and dwarfed, like a little savage group, in the dismal white. I watched
closely. Yes, there was a flapping and a struggle—a big bird, it must be,
labouring in the snow. I wondered. Our biggest birds, in the valley, were the
large hawks that often hung flickering opposite my windows, level with me, but
high above some prey on the steep valleyside. This was much too big for a
hawk—too big for any known bird. I searched in my mind for the largest English
wild birds, geese, buzzards.
Still it laboured and
strove, then was still, a dark spot, then struggled again. I went out of the
house and down the steep slope, at risk of breaking my leg between the rocks. I
knew the ground so well—and yet I got well shaken before I drew near the
thorn-trees.
Yes, it was a bird. It
was Joey. It was the grey-brown peacock with a blue neck. He was snow-wet and
spent.
“Joey—Joey, de-urr!” I
said, staggering unevenly towards him. He looked so pathetic, rowing and
struggling in the snow, too spent to rise, his blue neck stretching out and
lying sometimes on the snow, his eye closing and opening quickly, his crest all
battered.
“Joey dee-uur! Dee-urr!”
I said caressingly to him. And at last he lay still, blinking, in the surged
and furrowed snow, whilst I came near and touched him, stroked him, gathered
him under my arm. He stretched his long, wetted neck away from me as I held
him, none the less he was quiet in my arm, too tired, perhaps, to struggle.
Still he held his poor, crested head away from me, and seemed sometimes to
droop, to wilt, as if he might suddenly die.
He was not so heavy as I
expected, yet it was a struggle to get up to the house with him again. We set
him down, not too near the fire, and gently wiped him with cloths. He
submitted, only now and then stretched his soft neck away from us, avoiding us
helplessly. Then we set warm food by him. I put it to his
beak, tried to make him eat. But he ignored it. He seemed to be ignorant of
what we were doing, recoiled inside himself inexplicably. So we put him in a
basket with cloths, and left him crouching oblivious. His food we put near him.
The blinds were drawn, the house was warm, it was night. Sometimes he stirred,
but mostly he huddled still, leaning his queer crested head on one side. He
touched no food, and took no heed of sounds or movements. We talked of brandy
or stimulants. But I realised we had best leave him alone.
In the night, however,
we heard him thumping about. I got up anxiously with a candle. He had eaten
some food, and scattered more, making a mess. And he was perched on the back of
a heavy arm-chair. So I concluded he was recovered, or recovering.
The next day was clear,
and the snow had frozen, so I decided to carry him back to Tible. He consented,
after various flappings, to sit in a big fish-bag with his battered head
peeping out with wild uneasiness. And so I set off with him, slithering down
into the valley, making good progress down in the pale shadow beside the
rushing waters, then climbing painfully up the arrested white valleyside,
plumed with clusters of young pine trees, into the paler white radiance of the
snowy, upper regions, where the wind cut fine. Joey seemed to watch all the
time with wide anxious, unseeing eye, brilliant and inscrutable. As I drew near
to Tible township he stirred violently in the bag, though I do not know if he
had recognised the place. Then, as I came to the sheds, he looked sharply from
side to side, and stretched his neck out long. I was a little afraid of him. He
gave a loud, vehement yell, opening his sinister beak, and I stood still,
looking at him as he struggled in the bag, shaken myself by his struggles, yet
not thinking to release him.
Mrs. Goyte came darting
past the end of the house, her head sticking forward in sharp scrutiny. She saw
me, and came forward.
“Have you got Joey?” she
cried sharply, as if I were a thief.
I opened the bag, and he
flopped out, flapping as if he hated the touch of the snow now. She gathered
him up, and put her lips to his beak. She was flushed and handsome, her eyes
bright, her hair slack, thick, but more witch-like than ever. She did not
speak.
She had been followed by
a grey-haired woman with a round, rather sallow face and a slightly hostile
bearing.
“Did you bring him with
you, then?” she asked sharply. I answered that I had rescued him the previous
evening.
From the background
slowly approached a slender man with a grey moustache and large patches on his
trousers.
“You’ve got ’im back
’gain, ah see,” he said to his daughter-in-law. His wife explained how I had
found Joey.
“Ah,” went on the grey
man. “It wor our Alfred scared him off, back your life. He must’a flyed ower
t’valley. Tha ma’ thank thy stars as ’e wor fun, Maggie. ’E’d a bin froze. They
a bit nesh, you know,” he concluded to me.
“They are,” I answered.
“This isn’t their country.”
“No, it isna,” replied
Mr. Goyte. He spoke very slowly and deliberately, quietly, as if the soft pedal
were always down in his voice. He looked at his daughter-in-law as she
crouched, flushed and dark, before the peacock, which would lay its long blue
neck for a moment along her lap. In spite of his grey moustache and thin grey
hair, the elderly man had a face young and almost delicate, like a young man’s.
His blue eyes twinkled with some inscrutable source of pleasure, his skin was
fine and tender, his nose delicately arched. His grey hair being slightly
ruffled, he had a debonair look, as of a youth who is in love.
“We mun tell ’im it’s
come,” he said slowly, and turning he called: “Alfred—Alfred! Wheer’s ter
gotten to?”
Then he turned again to
the group.
“Get up then, Maggie,
lass, get up wi’ thee. Tha ma’es too much o’ th’ bod.”
A young man approached,
wearing rough khaki and kneebreeches. He was Danish looking, broad at the
loins.
“I’s come back then,”
said the father to the son; “leastwise, he’s bin browt back, flyed ower the
Griff Low.”
The son looked at me. He
had a devil-may-care bearing, his cap on one side, his hands stuck in the front
pockets of his breeches. But he said nothing.
“Shall you come in a
minute, Master,” said the elderly woman, to me.
“Ay, come in an’ ha’e a
cup o’ tea or summat. You’ll do wi’ summat, carrin’ that bod. Come on, Maggie
wench, let’s go in.”
So we went indoors, into
the rather stuffy, overcrowded living-room, that was too cosy, and too warm.
The son followed last, standing in the doorway. The father talked to me.
Maggie put out the
tea-cups. The mother went into the dairy again.
“Tha’lt rouse thysen up
a bit again, now, Maggie,” the father-in-law said—and then to me: “’ers not bin
very bright sin’ Alfred came whoam, an’ the bod flyed awee. ’E come whoam a
Wednesday night, Alfred did. But ay, you knowed, didna yer. Ay, ’e comed ’a
Wednesday—an’ I reckon there wor a bit of a to-do between ’em, worn’t there,
Maggie?”
He twinkled maliciously
to his daughter-in-law, who was flushed, brilliant and handsome.
“Oh, be quiet, father.
You’re wound up, by the sound of you,” she said to him, as if crossly. But she
could never be cross with him.
“’Ers got ’er colour
back this mornin’,” continued the father-in-law slowly. “It’s bin heavy weather
wi’ ’er this last two days. Ay—’er’s bin northeast sin ’er seed you a
Wednesday.”
“Father, do stop
talking. You’d wear the leg off an iron pot. I can’t think where you’ve found
your tongue, all of a sudden,” said Maggie, with caressive sharpness.
“Ah’ve found it wheer I
lost it. Aren’t goin’ ter come in an’ sit thee down, Alfred?”
But Alfred turned and
disappeared.
“’E’s got th’ monkey on
’is back ower this letter job,” said the father secretly to me. “Mother, ’er
knows nowt about it. Lot o’ tom-foolery, isn’t it? Ay! What’s good o’ makkin’ a
peck o’ trouble over what’s far enough off, an’ ned niver come no nigher.
No—not a smite o’ use. That’s what I tell ’er. ’Er should ta’e no notice on’t.
Ty, what can y’ expect.”
The mother came in
again, and the talk became general. Maggie flashed her eyes at me from time to
time, complacent and satisfied, moving among the men. I paid her little
compliments, which she did not seem to hear. She attended to me with a kind of
sinister, witch-like graciousness, her dark head ducked between her shoulders,
at once humble and powerful. She was happy as a child attending to her
father-in-law and to me. But there was something ominous between her eyebrows,
as if a dark moth were settled there—and something ominous in her bent, hulking
bearing.
She sat on a low stool
by the fire, near her father-in-law. Her head was dropped, she seemed in a
state of abstraction. From time to time she would suddenly recover, and look up
at us, laughing and chatting. Then she would forget again. Yet in her hulked
black forgetting she seemed very near to us.
The door having been
opened, the peacock came slowly in, prancing calmly. He went near to her and
crouched down, coiling his blue neck. She glanced at him, but almost as if she
did not observe him. The bird sat silent, seeming to sleep, and the woman also
sat hulked and silent, seemingly oblivious. Then once more there was a heavy
step, and Alfred entered. He looked at his wife, and he looked at the peacock
crouching by her. He stood large in the doorway, his hands stuck in front of
him, in his breeches pockets. Nobody spoke. He turned on his heel and went out
again.
I rose also to go.
Maggie started as if coming to herself.
“Must you go?” she
asked, rising and coming near to me, standing in front of me, twisting her head
sideways and looking up at me. “Can’t you stop a bit longer? We can all be cosy
today, there’s nothing to do outdoors.” And she laughed, showing her teeth
oddly. She had a long chin.
I said I must go. The
peacock uncoiled and coiled again his long blue neck, as he lay on the hearth.
Maggie still stood close in front of me, so that I was acutely aware of my
waistcoat buttons.
“Oh, well,” she said,
“you’ll come again, won’t you? Do come again.”
I promised.
“Come to tea one
day—yes, do!”
I promised—one day.
The moment I went out of
her presence I ceased utterly to exist for her—as utterly as I ceased to exist
for Joey. With her curious abstractedness she forgot me again immediately. I
knew it as I left her. Yet she seemed almost in physical contact with me while
I was with her.
The sky was all pallid
again, yellowish. When I went out there was no sun; the snow was blue and cold.
I hurried away down the hill, musing on Maggie. The road made a loop down the
sharp face of the slope. As I went crunching over the laborious snow I became
aware of a figure striding down the steep scarp to intercept me. It was a man
with his hands in front of him, half stuck in his breeches pockets, and his
shoulders square—a real farmer of the hills; Alfred, of course. He waited for
me by the stone fence.
“Excuse me,” he said as
I came up.
I came to a halt in
front of him and looked into his sullen blue eyes. He had a certain odd
haughtiness on his brows. But his blue eyes stared insolently at me.
“Do you know anything
about a letter—in French—that my wife opened—a letter of mine—?”
“Yes,” said I. “She
asked me to read it to her.”
He looked square at me.
He did not know exactly how to feel.
“What was there in it?”
he asked.
“Why?” I said. “Don’t
you know?”
“She makes out she’s
burnt it,” he said.
“Without showing it
you?” I asked.
He nodded slightly. He
seemed to be meditating as to what line of action he should take. He wanted to
know the contents of the letter: he must know: and therefore he must ask me,
for evidently his wife had taunted him. At the same time, no doubt, he would
like to wreak untold vengeance on my unfortunate person. So he eyed me, and I
eyed him, and neither of us spoke. He did not want to repeat his request to me.
And yet I only looked at him, and considered.
Suddenly he threw back
his head and glanced down the valley. Then he changed his position—he was a
horse-soldier. Then he looked at me confidentially.
“She burnt the blasted
thing before I saw it,” he said.
“Well,” I answered
slowly, “she doesn’t know herself what was in it.”
He continued to watch me
narrowly. I grinned to myself.
“I didn’t like to read
her out what there was in it,” I continued.
He suddenly flushed so
that the veins in his neck stood out, and he stirred again uncomfortably.
“The Belgian girl said
her baby had been born a week ago, and that they were going to call it Alfred,”
I told him.
He met my eyes. I was
grinning. He began to grin, too.
“Good luck to her,” he
said.
“Best of luck,” said I.
“And what did you
tell her?” he asked.
“That the baby belonged
to the old mother—that it was brother to your girl, who was writing to you as a
friend of the family.”
He stood smiling, with
the long, subtle malice of a farmer.
“And did she take it
in?” he asked.
“As much as she took
anything else.”
He stood grinning
fixedly. Then he broke into a short laugh.
“Good for her”
he exclaimed cryptically.
And then he laughed
aloud once more, evidently feeling he had won a big move in his contest with
his wife.
“What about the other
woman?” I asked.
“Who?”
“Élise.”
“Oh”—he shifted
uneasily—“she was all right—”
“You’ll be getting back
to her,” I said.
He looked at me. Then he
made a grimace with his mouth.
“Not me,” he said. “Back
your life it’s a plant.”
“You don’t think
the cher petit bébé is a little Alfred?”
“It might be,” he said.
“Only might?”
“Yes—an’ there’s lots of
mites in a pound of cheese.” He laughed boisterously but uneasily.
“What did she say,
exactly?” he asked.
I began to repeat, as
well as I could, the phrases of the letter:
“Mon cher Alfred—
Figure-toi comme je suis desolée—”
He listened with some
confusion. When I had finished all I could remember, he said:
“They know how to pitch
you out a letter, those Belgian lasses.”
“Practice,” said I.
“They get plenty,” he
said.
There was a pause.
“Oh, well,” he said.
“I’ve never got that letter, anyhow.”
The wind blew fine and
keen, in the sunshine, across the snow. I blew my nose and prepared to depart.
“And she doesn’t
know anything?” he continued, jerking his head up the hill in the direction of
Tible.
“She knows nothing but
what I’ve said—that is, if she really burnt the letter.”
“I believe she burnt
it,” he said, “for spite. She’s a little devil, she is. But I shall have it out
with her.” His jaw was stubborn and sullen. Then suddenly he turned to me with
a new note.
“Why?” he said. “Why
didn’t you wring that b—— peacock’s neck—that b—— Joey?”
“Why?” I said. “What
for?”
“I hate the brute,” he
said. “I had a shot at him—”
I laughed. He stood and
mused.
“Poor little Élise,” he
murmured.
“Was she small—petite?”
I asked. He jerked up his head.
“No,” he said. “Rather
tall.”
“Taller than your wife,
I suppose.”
Again he looked into my
eyes. And then once more he went into a loud burst of laughter that made the
still, snow-deserted valley clap again.
“God, it’s a knockout!”
he said, thoroughly amused. Then he stood at ease, one foot out, his hands in
his breeches pockets, in front of him, his head thrown back, a handsome figure
of a man.
“But I’ll do that
blasted Joey in—” he mused.
I ran down the hill,
shouting with laughter.
The Pottery House was a square, ugly, brick
house girt in by the wall that enclosed the whole grounds of the pottery
itself. To be sure, a privet hedge partly masked the house and its ground from
the pottery-yard and works: but only partly. Through the hedge could be seen
the desolate yard, and the many-windowed, factory-like pottery, over the hedge
could be seen the chimneys and the outhouses. But inside the hedge, a pleasant
garden and lawn sloped down to a willow pool, which had once supplied the
works.
The Pottery itself was
now closed, the great doors of the yard permanently shut. No more the great
crates with yellow straw showing through, stood in stacks by the packing shed.
No more the drays drawn by great horses rolled down the hill with a high load.
No more the pottery-lasses in their clay-coloured overalls, their faces and
hair splashed with grey fine mud, shrieked and larked with the men. All that
was over.
“We like it much
better—oh, much better—quieter,” said Matilda Rockley.
“Oh, yes,” assented
Emmie Rockley, her sister.
“I’m sure you do,”
agreed the visitor.
But whether the two
Rockley girls really liked it better, or whether they only imagined they did,
is a question. Certainly their lives were much more grey and dreary now that
the grey clay had ceased to spatter its mud and silt its dust over the
premises. They did not quite realise how they missed the shrieking, shouting
lasses, whom they had known all their lives and disliked so much.
Matilda and Emmie were
already old maids. In a thorough industrial district, it is not easy for the
girls who have expectations above the common to find husbands. The ugly
industrial town was full of men, young men who were ready to marry. But they
were all colliers or pottery-hands, mere workmen. The Rockley girls would have
about ten thousand pounds each when their father died: ten thousand pounds’
worth of profitable house-property. It was not to be sneezed at: they felt so
themselves, and refrained from sneezing away such a fortune on any mere member
of the proletariat. Consequently, bank-clerks or nonconformist clergymen or
even school-teachers having failed to come forward, Matilda had begun to give
up all idea of ever leaving the Pottery House.
Matilda was a tall,
thin, graceful fair girl, with a rather large nose. She was the Mary to Emmie’s
Martha: that is, Matilda loved painting and music, and read a good many novels,
whilst Emmie looked after the house-keeping. Emmie was shorter, plumper than
her sister, and she had no accomplishments. She looked up to Matilda, whose
mind was naturally refined and sensible.
In their quiet,
melancholy way, the two girls were happy. Their mother was dead. Their father
was ill also. He was an intelligent man who had had some education, but
preferred to remain as if he were one with the rest of the working people. He
had a passion for music and played the violin pretty well. But now he was
getting old, he was very ill, dying of a kidney disease. He had been rather a
heavy whisky-drinker.
This quiet household,
with one servant-maid, lived on year after year in the Pottery House. Friends
came in, the girls went out, the father drank himself more and more ill.
Outside in the street there was a continual racket of the colliers and their
dogs and children. But inside the pottery wall was a deserted quiet.
In all this ointment
there was one little fly. Ted Rockley, the father of the girls, had had four
daughters, and no son. As his girls grew, he felt angry at finding himself
always in a house-hold of women. He went off to London and adopted a boy out of
a Charity Institution. Emmie was fourteen years old, and Matilda sixteen, when
their father arrived home with his prodigy, the boy of six, Hadrian.
Hadrian was just an
ordinary boy from a Charity Home, with ordinary brownish hair and ordinary
bluish eyes and of ordinary rather cockney speech. The Rockley girls—there were
three at home at the time of his arrival—had resented his being sprung on them.
He, with his watchful, charity-institution instinct, knew this at once. Though
he was only six years old, Hadrian had a subtle, jeering look on his face when
he regarded the three young women. They insisted he should address them as
Cousin: Cousin Flora, Cousin Matilda, Cousin Emmie. He complied, but there
seemed a mockery in his tone.
The girls, however, were
kind-hearted by nature. Flora married and left home. Hadrian did very much as
he pleased with Matilda and Emmie, though they had certain strictnesses. He
grew up in the Pottery House and about the Pottery premises, went to an
elementary school, and was invariably called Hadrian Rockley. He regarded
Cousin Matilda and Cousin Emmie with a certain laconic indifference, was quiet
and reticent in his ways. The girls called him sly, but that was unjust. He was
merely cautious, and without frankness. His Uncle, Ted Rockley, understood him
tacitly, their natures were somewhat akin. Hadrian and the elderly man had a
real but unemotional regard for one another.
When he was thirteen
years old the boy was sent to a High School in the County town. He did not like
it. His Cousin Matilda had longed to make a little gentleman of him, but he
refused to be made. He would give a little contemptuous curve to his lip, and
take on a shy, charity-boy grin, when refinement was thrust upon him. He played
truant from the High School, sold his books, his cap with its badge, even his
very scarf and pocket-handkerchief, to his school-fellows, and went raking off
heaven knows where with the money. So he spent two very unsatisfactory years.
When he was fifteen he
announced that he wanted to leave England and go to the Colonies. He had kept
touch with the Home. The Rockleys knew that, when Hadrian made a declaration,
in his quiet, half-jeering manner, it was worse than useless to oppose him. So
at last the boy departed, going to Canada under the protection of the Institution
to which he had belonged. He said good-bye to the Rockleys without a word of
thanks, and parted, it seemed, without a pang. Matilda and Emmie wept often to
think of how he left them: even on their father’s face a queer look came. But
Hadrian wrote fairly regularly from Canada. He had entered some electricity
works near Montreal, and was doing well.
At last, however, the
war came. In his turn, Hadrian joined up and came to Europe. The Rockleys saw
nothing of him. They lived on, just the same, in the Pottery House. Ted Rockley
was dying of a sort of dropsy, and in his heart he wanted to see the boy. When
the armistice was signed, Hadrian had a long leave, and wrote that he was
coming home to the Pottery House.
The girls were terribly
fluttered. To tell the truth, they were a little afraid of Hadrian. Matilda,
tall and thin, was frail in her health, both girls were worn with nursing their
father. To have Hadrian, a young man of twenty-one, in the house with them,
after he had left them so coldly five years before, was a trying circumstance.
They were in a flutter.
Emmie persuaded her father to have his bed made finally in the morning-room
downstairs, whilst his room upstairs was prepared for Hadrian. This was done,
and preparations were going on for the arrival, when, at ten o’clock in the
morning the young man suddenly turned up, quite unexpectedly. Cousin Emmie,
with her hair bobbed up in absurd little bobs round her forehead, was busily
polishing the stair-rods, while Cousin Matilda was in the kitchen washing the
drawing-room ornaments in a lather, her sleeves rolled back on her thin arms,
and her head tied up oddly and coquettishly in a duster.
Cousin Matilda blushed
deep with mortification when the self-possessed young man walked in with his
kit-bag, and put his cap on the sewing machine. He was little and
self-confident, with a curious neatness about him that still suggested the
Charity Institution. His face was brown, he had a small moustache, he was
vigorous enough in his smallness.
“Well, is it
Hadrian!” exclaimed Cousin Matilda, wringing the lather off her hand. “We
didn’t expect you till tomorrow.”
“I got off Monday
night,” said Hadrian, glancing round the room.
“Fancy!” said Cousin
Matilda. Then, having dried her hands, she went forward, held out her hand, and
said:
“How are you?”
“Quite well, thank you,”
said Hadrian.
“You’re quite a man,”
said Cousin Matilda.
Hadrian glanced at her.
She did not look her best: so thin, so large-nosed, with that pink-and-white
checked duster tied round her head. She felt her disadvantage. But she had had
a good deal of suffering and sorrow, she did not mind any more.
The servant entered—one
that did not know Hadrian.
“Come and see my
father,” said Cousin Matilda.
In the hall they roused
Cousin Emmie like a partridge from cover. She was on the stairs pushing the
bright stair-rods into place. Instinctively her hand went to the little knobs,
her front hair bobbed on her forehead.
“Why!” she exclaimed,
crossly. “What have you come today for?”
“I got off a day
earlier,” said Hadrian, and his man’s voice so deep and unexpected was like a
blow to Cousin Emmie.
“Well, you’ve caught us
in the midst of it,” she said, with resentment. Then all three went into the
middle room.
Mr. Rockley was
dressed—that is, he had on his trousers and socks—but he was resting on the
bed, propped up just under the window, from whence he could see his beloved and
resplendent garden, where tulips and apple-trees were ablaze. He did not look
as ill as he was, for the water puffed him up, and his face kept its colour.
His stomach was much swollen. He glanced round swiftly, turning his eyes
without turning his head. He was the wreck of a handsome, well-built man.
Seeing Hadrian, a queer,
unwilling smile went over his face. The young man greeted him sheepishly.
“You wouldn’t make a
life-guardsman,” he said. “Do you want something to eat?”
Hadrian looked round—as
if for the meal.
“I don’t mind,” he said.
“What shall you have—egg
and bacon?” asked Emmie shortly.
“Yes, I don’t mind,”
said Hadrian.
The sisters went down to
the kitchen, and sent the servant to finish the stairs.
“Isn’t he altered?”
said Matilda, sotto voce.
“Isn’t he!” said Cousin
Emmie. “What a little man!”
They both made a
grimace, and laughed nervously.
“Get the frying-pan,”
said Emmie to Matilda.
“But he’s as cocky as
ever,” said Matilda, narrowing her eyes and shaking her head knowingly, as she
handed the frying-pan.
“Mannie!” said Emmie
sarcastically. Hadrian’s new-fledged, cock-sure manliness evidently found no
favour in her eyes.
“Oh, he’s not bad,” said
Matilda. “You don’t want to be prejudiced against him.”
I’m not prejudiced
against him, I think he’s all right for looks,” said Emmie, “but there’s too
much of the little mannie about him.”
“Fancy catching us like
this,” said Matilda.
“They’ve no thought for
anything,” said Emmie with contempt. “You go up and get dressed, our Matilda. I
don’t care about him. I can see to things, and you can talk to him. I shan’t.”
“He’ll talk to my
father,” said Matilda, meaningful.
“Sly—!” exclaimed
Emmie, with a grimace.
The sisters believed
that Hadrian had come hoping to get something out of their father—hoping for a
legacy. And they were not at all sure he would not get it.
Matilda went upstairs to
change. She had thought it all out how she would receive Hadrian, and impress
him. And he had caught her with her head tied up in a duster, and her thin arms
in a basin of lather. But she did not care. She now dressed herself most
scrupulously, carefully folded her long, beautiful, blonde hair, touched her
pallor with a little rouge, and put her long string of exquisite crystal beads
over her soft green dress. Now she looked elegant, like a heroine in a magazine
illustration, and almost as unreal.
She found Hadrian and
her father talking away. The young man was short of speech as a rule, but he
could find his tongue with his “uncle”. They were both sipping a glass of
brandy, and smoking, and chatting like a pair of old cronies. Hadrian was
telling about Canada. He was going back there when his leave was up.
“You wouldn’t like to
stop in England, then?” said Mr. Rockley.
“No, I wouldn’t stop in
England,” said Hadrian.
“How’s that? There’s
plenty of electricians here,” said Mr. Rockley.
“Yes. But there’s too
much difference between the men and the employers over here—too much of that
for me,” said Hadrian.
The sick man looked at
him narrowly, with oddly smiling eyes.
“That’s it, is it?” he
replied.
Matilda heard and
understood. “So that’s your big idea, is it, my little man,” she said to
herself. She had always said of Hadrian that he had no proper respect for
anybody or anything, that he was sly and common. She went down to
the kitchen for a sotto voce confab with Emmie.
“He thinks a rare lot of
himself!” she whispered.
“He’s somebody, he is!”
said Emmie with contempt.
“He thinks there’s too
much difference between masters and men, over here,” said Matilda.
“Is it any different in
Canada?” asked Emmie.
“Oh, yes—democratic,”
replied Matilda, “He thinks they’re all on a level over there.”
“Ay, well he’s over here
now,” said Emmie dryly, “so he can keep his place.”
As they talked they saw
the young man sauntering down the garden, looking casually at the flowers. He
had his hands in his pockets, and his soldier’s cap neatly on his head. He
looked quite at his ease, as if in possession. The two women, fluttered,
watched him through the window.
“We know what he’s come
for,” said Emmie, churlishly. Matilda looked a long time at the neat khaki
figure. It had something of the charity-boy about it still; but now it was a
man’s figure, laconic, charged with plebeian energy. She thought of the
derisive passion in his voice as he had declaimed against the propertied
classes, to her father.
“You don’t know, Emmie.
Perhaps he’s not come for that,” she rebuked her sister. They were both thinking
of the money.
They were still watching
the young soldier. He stood away at the bottom of the garden, with his back to
them, his hands in his pockets, looking into the water of the willow pond.
Matilda’s dark-blue eyes had a strange, full look in them, the lids, with the
faint blue veins showing, dropped rather low. She carried her head light and
high, but she had a look of pain. The young man at the bottom of the garden
turned and looked up the path. Perhaps he saw them through the window. Matilda
moved into shadow.
That afternoon their
father seemed weak and ill. He was easily exhausted. The doctor came, and told
Matilda that the sick man might die suddenly at any moment—but then he might
not. They must be prepared.
So the day passed, and
the next. Hadrian made himself at home. He went about in the morning in his
brownish jersey and his khaki trousers, collarless, his bare neck showing. He
explored the pottery premises, as if he had some secret purpose in so doing, he
talked with Mr. Rockley, when the sick man had strength. The two girls were
always angry when the two men sat talking together like cronies. Yet it was
chiefly a kind of politics they talked.
On the second day after
Hadrian’s arrival, Matilda sat with her father in the evening. She was drawing
a picture which she wanted to copy. It was very still, Hadrian was gone out
somewhere, no one knew where, and Emmie was busy. Mr. Rockley reclined on his
bed, looking out in silence over his evening-sunny garden.
“If anything happens to
me, Matilda,” he said, “you won’t sell this house—you’ll stop here—”
Matilda’s eyes took
their slightly haggard look as she stared at her father.
“Well, we couldn’t do
anything else,” she said.
“You don’t know what you
might do,” he said. “Everything is left to you and Emmie, equally. You’do as
you like with it—only don’t sell this house, don’t part with it.”
“No,” she said.
“And give Hadrian my
watch and chain, and a hundred pounds out of what’s in the bank—and help him if
he ever wants helping. I haven’t put his name in the will.”
“Your watch and chain,
and a hundred pounds—yes. But you’ll be here when he goes back to Canada,
father.”
“You never know what’ll
happen,” said her father.
Matilda sat and watched
him, with her full, haggard eyes, for a long time, as if tranced. She saw that
he knew he must go soon—she saw like a clairvoyant.
Later on she told Emmie
what her father had said about the watch and chain and the money.
“What right has he”—he—meaning
Hadrian—“to my father’s watch and chain—what has it to do with him? Let him
have the money, and get off,” said Emmie. She loved her father.
That night Matilda sat
late in her room. Her heart was anxious and breaking, her mind seemed
entranced. She was too much entranced even to weep, and all the time she
thought of her father, only her father. At last she felt she must go to him.
It was near midnight.
She went along the passage and to his room. There was a faint light from the
moon outside. She listened at his door. Then she softly opened and entered. The
room was faintly dark. She heard a movement on the bed.
“Are you asleep?” she
said softly, advancing to the side of the bed.
“Are you asleep?” she
repeated gently, as she stood at the side of the bed. And she reached her hand
in the darkness to touch his forehead. Delicately, her fingers met the nose and
the eyebrows, she laid her fine, delicate hand on his brow. It seemed fresh and
smooth—very fresh and smooth. A sort of surprise stirred her, in her entranced
state. But it could not waken her. Gently, she leaned over the bed and stirred
her fingers over the low-growing hair on his brow.
“Can’t you sleep
tonight?” she said.
There was a quick
stirring in the bed. “Yes, I can,” a voice answered. It was Hadrian’s voice.
She started away. Instantly, she was wakened from her late-at-night trance. She
remembered that her father was downstairs, that Hadrian had his room. She stood
in the darkness as if stung.
“It is you, Hadrian?”
she said. “I thought it was my father.” She was so startled, so shocked, that
she could not move. The young man gave an uncomfortable laugh, and turned in
his bed.
At last she got out of
the room. When she was back in her own room, in the light, and her door was
closed, she stood holding up her hand that had touched him, as if it were hurt.
She was almost too shocked, she could not endure.
“Well,” said her calm
and weary mind, “it was only a mistake, why take any notice of it.”
But she could not reason
her feelings so easily. She suffered, feeling herself in a false position. Her
right hand, which she had laid so gently on his face, on his fresh skin, ached
now, as if it were really injured. She could not forgive Hadrian for the
mistake: it made her dislike him deeply.
Hadrian too slept badly.
He had been awakened by the opening of the door, and had not realised what the
question meant. But the soft, straying tenderness of her hand on his face
startled something out of his soul. He was a charity boy, aloof and more or
less at bay. The fragile exquisiteness of her caress startled him most,
revealed unknown things to him.
In the morning she could
feel the consciousness in his eyes, when she came downstairs. She tried to bear
herself as if nothing at all had happened, and she succeeded. She had the calm
self-control, self-indifference, of one who has suffered and borne her
suffering. She looked at him from her darkish, almost drugged blue eyes, she
met the spark of consciousness in his eyes, and quenched it. And with her long,
fine hand she put the sugar in his coffee.
But she could not
control him as she thought she could. He had a keen memory stinging his mind, a
new set of sensations working in his consciousness. Something new was alert in
him. At the back of his reticent, guarded mind he kept his secret alive and
vivid. She was at his mercy, for he was unscrupulous, his standard was not her
standard.
He looked at her
curiously. She was not beautiful, her nose was too large, her chin was too
small, her neck was too thin. But her skin was clear and fine, she had a
high-bred sensitiveness. This queer, brave, high-bred quality she shared with
her father. The charity boy could see it in her tapering fingers, which were
white and ringed. The same glamour that he knew in the elderly man he now saw
in the woman. And he wanted to possess himself of it, he wanted to make himself
master of it. As he went about through the old pottery-yard, his secretive mind
schemed and worked. To be master of that strange soft delicacy such as he had
felt in her hand upon his face,—this was what he set himself towards. He was
secretly plotting.
He watched Matilda as
she went about, and she became aware of his attention, as of some shadow
following her. But her pride made her ignore it. When he sauntered near her,
his hands in his pockets, she received him with that same commonplace
kindliness which mastered him more than any contempt. Her superior breeding
seemed to control him. She made herself feel towards him exactly as she had
always felt: he was a young boy who lived in the house with them, but was a
stranger. Only, she dared not remember his face under her hand. When she
remembered that, she was bewildered. Her hand had offended her, she wanted to
cut it off. And she wanted, fiercely, to cut off the memory in him. She assumed
she had done so.
One day, when he sat
talking with his “uncle”, he looked straight into the eyes of the sick man, and
said:
“But I shouldn’t like to
live and die here in Rawsley.”
“No—well—you needn’t,”
said the sick man.
“Do you think Cousin
Matilda likes it?”
“I should think so.”
“I don’t call it much of
a life,” said the youth. “How much older is she than me, Uncle?”
The sick man looked at
the young soldier.
“A good bit,” he said.
“Over thirty?” said
Hadrian.
“Well, not so much.
She’s thirty-two.”
Hadrian considered a
while.
“She doesn’t look it,”
he said.
Again the sick father
looked at him.
“Do you think she’d like
to leave here?” said Hadrian.
“Nay, I don’t know,”
replied the father, restive.
Hadrian sat still,
having his own thoughts. Then in a small, quiet voice, as if he were speaking
from inside himself, he said:
“I’d marry her if you
wanted me to.”
The sick man raised his
eyes suddenly, and stared. He stared for a long time. The youth looked
inscrutably out of the window.
“You!” said the
sick man, mocking, with some contempt. Hadrian turned and met his eyes. The two
men had an inexplicable understanding.
“If you wasn’t against
it,” said Hadrian.
“Nay,” said the father,
turning aside, “I don’t think I’m against it. I’ve never thought of it. But—But
Emmie’s the youngest.”
He had flushed, and
looked suddenly more alive. Secretly he loved the boy.
“You might ask her,”
said Hadrian.
The elder man
considered.
“Hadn’t you better ask
her yourself?” he said.
“She’d take more notice
of you,” said Hadrian.
They were both silent.
Then Emmie came in.
For two days Mr. Rockley
was excited and thoughtful. Hadrian went about quietly, secretly,
unquestioning. At last the father and daughter were alone together. It was very
early morning, the father had been in much pain. As the pain abated, he lay
still, thinking.
“Matilda!” he said
suddenly, looking at his daughter.
“Yes, I’m here,” she
said.
“Ay! I want you to do
something—”
She rose in
anticipation.
“Nay, sit still. I want
you to marry Hadrian—”
She thought he was
raving. She rose, bewildered and frightened.
“Nay, sit you still, sit
you still. You hear what I tell you.”
“But you don’t know what
you’re saying, father.”
“Ay, I know well enough.
I want you to marry Hadrian, I tell you.”
She was dumbfounded. He
was a man of few words.
“You’ll do what I tell
you,” he said.
She looked at him
slowly.
“What put such an idea
in your mind?” she said proudly.
“He did.”
Matilda almost looked
her father down, her pride was so offended.
“Why, it’s disgraceful,”
she said.
“Why?”
She watched him slowly.
“What do you ask me
for?” she said. “It’s disgusting.”
“The lad’s sound
enough,” he replied, testily.
“You’d better tell him
to clear out,” she said, coldly.
He turned and looked out
of the window. She sat flushed and erect for a long time. At length her father
turned to her, looking really malevolent.
“If you won’t,” he said,
“you’re a fool, and I’ll make you pay for your foolishness, do you see?”
Suddenly a cold fear
gripped her. She could not believe her senses. She was terrified and
bewildered. She stared at her father, believing him to be delirious, or mad, or
drunk. What could she do?
“I tell you,” he said.
“I’ll send for Whittle tomorrow if you don’t. You shall neither of you have
anything of mine.”
Whittle was the
solicitor. She understood her father well enough: he would send for his
solicitor, and make a will leaving all his property to Hadrian: neither she nor
Emmie should have anything. It was too much. She rose and went out of the room,
up to her own room, where she locked herself in.
She did not come out for
some hours. At last, late at night, she confided in Emmie.
“The sliving demon, he
wants the money,” said Emmie. “My father’s out of his mind.”
The thought that Hadrian
merely wanted the money was another blow to Matilda. She did not love the
impossible youth—but she had not yet learned to think of him as a thing of
evil. He now became hideous to her mind.
Emmie had a little scene
with her father next day.
“You don’t mean what you
said to our Matilda yesterday, do you, father?” she asked aggressively.
“Yes,” he replied.
“What, that you’ll alter
your will?”
“Yes.”
“You won’t,” said his
angry daughter.
But he looked at her
with a malevolent little smile.
“Annie!” he shouted.
“Annie!”
He had still power to
make his voice carry. The servant maid came in from the kitchen.
“Put your things on, and
go down to Whittle’s office, and say I want to see Mr. Whittle as soon as he
can, and will he bring a will-form.”
The sick man lay back a
little—he could not lie down. His daughter sat as if she had been struck. Then
she left the room.
Hadrian was pottering
about in the garden. She went straight down to him.
“Here,” she said. “You’d
better get off. You’d better take your things and go from here, quick.”
Hadrian looked slowly at
the infuriated girl.
“Who says so?” he asked.
“We say
so—get off, you’ve done enough mischief and damage.”
“Does Uncle say so?”
“Yes, he does.”
“I’ll go and ask him.”
But like a fury Emmie
barred his way.
“No, you needn’t. You
needn’t ask him nothing at all. We don’t want you, so you can go.”
“Uncle’s boss here.”
“A man that’s dying, and
you crawling round and working on him for his money!—you’re not fit to live.”
“Oh!” he said. “Who says
I’m working for his money?”
“I say. But my father
told our Matilda, and she knows what you are. She knows
what you’re after. So you might as well clear out, for all you’ll
get—guttersnipe!”
He turned his back on
her, to think. It had not occurred to him that they would think he was after
the money. He did want the money—badly. He badly wanted to be
an employer himself, not one of the employed. But he knew, in his subtle,
calculating way, that it was not for money he wanted Matilda. He wanted both
the money and Matilda. But he told himself the two desires were separate, not
one. He could not do with Matilda, without the money. But he
did not want her for the money.
When he got this clear
in his mind, he sought for an opportunity to tell it her, lurking and watching.
But she avoided him. In the evening the lawyer came. Mr. Rockley seemed to have
a new access of strength—a will was drawn up, making the previous arrangements
wholly conditional. The old will held good, if Matilda would consent to marry
Hadrian. If she refused then at the end of six months the whole property passed
to Hadrian.
Mr. Rockley told this to
the young man, with malevolent satisfaction. He seemed to have a strange
desire, quite unreasonable, for revenge upon the women who had surrounded him
for so long, and served him so carefully.
“Tell her in front of
me,” said Hadrian.
So Mr. Rockley sent for
his daughters.
At last they came, pale,
mute, stubborn. Matilda seemed to have retired far off, Emmie seemed like a
fighter ready to fight to the death. The sick man reclined on the bed, his eyes
bright, his puffed hand trembling. But his face had again some of its old,
bright handsomeness. Hadrian sat quiet, a little aside: the indomitable,
dangerous charity boy.
“There’s the will,” said
their father, pointing them to the paper.
The two women sat mute
and immovable, they took no notice.
“Either you marry
Hadrian, or he has everything,” said the father with satisfaction.
“Then let him have
everything,” said Matilda boldly.
“He’s not! He’s not!”
cried Emmie fiercely. “He’s not going to have it. The guttersnipe!”
An amused look came on
her father’s face.
“You hear that,
Hadrian,” he said.
“I didn’t offer to marry
Cousin Matilda for the money,” said Hadrian, flushing and moving on his seat.
Matilda looked at him
slowly, with her dark-blue, drugged eyes. He seemed a strange little monster to
her.
“Why, you liar, you know
you did,” cried Emmie.
The sick man laughed.
Matilda continued to gaze strangely at the young man.
“She knows I didn’t,”
said Hadrian.
He too had his courage,
as a rat has indomitable courage in the end. Hadrian had some of the neatness,
the reserve, the underground quality of the rat. But he had perhaps the
ultimate courage, the most unquenchable courage of all.
Emmie looked at her
sister.
“Oh, well,” she said.
“Matilda—don’t bother. Let him have everything, we can look after ourselves.”
“I know he’ll take
everything,” said Matilda, abstractedly.
Hadrian did not answer.
He knew in fact that if Matilda refused him he would take everything, and go
off with it.
“A clever little
mannie—!” said Emmie, with a jeering grimace.
The father laughed
noiselessly to himself. But he was tired....
“Go on, then,” he said.
“Go on, let me be quiet.”
Emmie turned and looked
at him.
“You deserve what you’ve
got,” she said to her father bluntly.
“Go on,” he answered
mildly. “Go on.”
Another night passed—a
night nurse sat up with Mr. Rockley. Another day came. Hadrian was there as
ever, in his woollen jersey and coarse khaki trousers and bare neck. Matilda
went about, frail and distant, Emmie black-browed in spite of her blondness.
They were all quiet, for they did not intend the mystified servant to learn anything.
Mr. Rockley had very bad
attacks of pain, he could not breathe. The end seemed near. They all went about
quiet and stoical, all unyielding. Hadrian pondered within himself. If he did
not marry Matilda he would go to Canada with twenty thousand pounds. This was
itself a very satisfactory prospect. If Matilda consented he would have
nothing—she would have her own money.
Emmie was the one to
act. She went off in search of the solicitor and brought him with her. There
was an interview, and Whittle tried to frighten the youth into withdrawal—but
without avail. The clergyman and relatives were summoned—but Hadrian stared at
them and took no notice. It made him angry, however.
He wanted to catch
Matilda alone. Many days went by, and he was not successful: she avoided him.
At last, lurking, he surprised her one day as she came to pick gooseberries,
and he cut off her retreat. He came to the point at once.
“You don’t want me,
then?” he said, in his subtle, insinuating voice.
“I don’t want to speak
to you,” she said, averting her face.
“You put your hand on
me, though,” he said. “You shouldn’t have done that, and then I should never
have thought of it. You shouldn’t have touched me.”
“If you were anything
decent, you’d know that was a mistake, and forget it,” she said.
“I know it was a
mistake—but I shan’t forget it. If you wake a man up, he can’t go to sleep
again because he’s told to.”
“If you had any decent
feeling in you, you’d have gone away,” she replied.
“I didn’t want to,” he
replied.
She looked away into the
distance. At last she asked:
“What do you persecute
me for, if it isn’t for the money. I’m old enough to be your mother. In a way
I’ve been your mother.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he
said. “You’ve been no mother to me. Let us marry and go out to Canada—you might
as well—you’ve touched me.”
She was white and
trembling. Suddenly she flushed with anger.
“It’s so indecent,”
she said.
“How?” he retorted. “You
touched me.”
But she walked away from
him. She felt as if he had trapped her. He was angry and depressed, he felt
again despised.
That same evening she
went into her father’s room.
“Yes,” she said
suddenly. “I’ll marry him.”
Her father looked up at
her. He was in pain, and very ill.
“You like him now, do
you?” he said, with a faint smile.
She looked down into his
face, and saw death not far off. She turned and went coldly out of the room.
The solicitor was sent
for, preparations were hastily made. In all the interval Matilda did not speak
to Hadrian, never answered him if he addressed her. He approached her in the
morning.
“You’ve come round to
it, then?” he said, giving her a pleasant look from his twinkling, almost
kindly eyes. She looked down at him and turned aside. She looked down on him
both literally and figuratively. Still he persisted, and triumphed.
Emmie raved and wept,
the secret flew abroad. But Matilda was silent and unmoved, Hadrian was quiet
and satisfied, and nipped with fear also. But he held out against his fear. Mr.
Rockley was very ill, but unchanged.
On the third day the
marriage took place. Matilda and Hadrian drove straight home from the
registrar, and went straight into the room of the dying man. His face lit up
with a clear twinkling smile.
“Hadrian—you’ve got
her?” he said, a little hoarsely.
“Yes,” said Hadrian, who
was pale round the gills.
“Ay, my lad, I’m glad
you’re mine,” replied the dying man. Then he turned his eyes closely on
Matilda.
“Let’s look at you,
Matilda,” he said. Then his voice went strange and unrecognisable. “Kiss me,”
he said.
She stooped and kissed
him. She had never kissed him before, not since she was a tiny child. But she
was quiet, very still.
“Kiss him,” the dying
man said.
Obediently, Matilda put
forward her mouth and kissed the young husband.
“That’s right! That’s
right!” murmured the dying man.
A man got down from the motor-omnibus that runs
from Penzance to St Just-in-Penwith, and turned northwards, uphill towards the
Polestar. It was only half past six, but already the stars were out, a cold
little wind was blowing from the sea, and the crystalline, three-pulse flash of
the lighthouse below the cliffs beat rhythmically in the first darkness.
The man was alone. He
went his way unhesitating, but looked from side to side with cautious
curiosity. Tall, ruined power-houses of tin-mines loomed in the darkness from
time to time, like remnants of some by-gone civilization. The lights of many
miners’ cottages scattered on the hilly darkness twinkled desolate in their
disorder, yet twinkled with the lonely homeliness of the Celtic night.
He tramped steadily on,
always watchful with curiosity. He was a tall, well-built man, apparently in
the prime of life. His shoulders were square and rather stiff, he leaned
forwards a little as he went, from the hips, like a man who must stoop to lower
his height. But he did not stoop his shoulders: he bent his straight back from
the hips.
Now and again short,
stump, thick-legged figures of Cornish miners passed him, and he invariably
gave them goodnight, as if to insist that he was on his own ground. He spoke
with the west-Cornish intonation. And as he went along the dreary road, looking
now at the lights of the dwellings on land, now at the lights away to sea,
vessels veering round in sight of the Longships Lighthouse, the whole of the
Atlantic Ocean in darkness and space between him and America, he seemed a
little excited and pleased with himself, watchful, thrilled, veering along in a
sense of mastery and of power in conflict.
The houses began to
close on the road, he was entering the straggling, formless, desolate mining
village, that he knew of old. On the left was a little space set back from the
road, and cosy lights of an inn. There it was. He peered up at the sign: “The
Tinners’ Rest”. But he could not make out the name of the proprietor. He
listened. There was excited talking and laughing, a woman’s voice laughing
shrilly among the men’s.
Stooping a little, he
entered the warmly-lit bar. The lamp was burning, a buxom woman rose from the
white-scrubbed deal table where the black and white and red cards were scattered,
and several men, miners, lifted their faces from the game.
The stranger went to the
counter, averting his face. His cap was pulled down over his brow.
“Good-evening!” said the
landlady, in her rather ingratiating voice.
“Good-evening. A glass
of ale.”
“A glass of ale,”
repeated the landlady suavely. “Cold night—but bright.”
“Yes,” the man assented,
laconically. Then he added, when nobody expected him to say any more:
“Seasonable weather.”
“Quite seasonable,
quite,” said the landlady. “Thank you.”
The man lifted his glass
straight to his lips, and emptied it. He put it down again on the zinc counter
with a click.
“Let’s have another,” he
said.
The woman drew the beer,
and the man went away with his glass to the second table, near the fire. The
woman, after a moment’s hesitation, took her seat again at the table with the
card-players. She had noticed the man: a big fine fellow, well dressed, a
stranger.
But he spoke with that
Cornish-Yankee accent she accepted as the natural twang among the miners.
The stranger put his
foot on the fender and looked into the fire. He was handsome, well coloured,
with well-drawn Cornish eyebrows, and the usual dark, bright, mindless Cornish
eyes. He seemed abstracted in thought. Then he watched the card-party.
The woman was buxom and
healthy, with dark hair and small, quick brown eyes. She was bursting with life
and vigour, the energy she threw into the game of cards excited all the men,
they shouted, and laughed, and the woman held her breast, shrieking with
laughter.
“Oh, my, it’ll be the
death o’ me,” she panted. “Now, come on, Mr. Trevorrow, play fair. Play fair, I
say, or I s’ll put the cards down.”
“Play fair! Why who’s
played unfair?” ejaculated Mr. Trevorrow. “Do you mean t’accuse me, as I
haven’t played fair, Mrs. Nankervis?”
“I do. I say it, and I
mean it. Haven’t you got the queen of spades? Now, come on, no dodging round
me. I know you’ve got that queen, as well as I know my name’s
Alice.”
“Well—if your name’s
Alice, you’ll have to have it—”
“Ay, now—what did I say?
Did you ever see such a man? My word, but your missus must be easy took in, by
the looks of things.”
And off she went into
peals of laughter. She was interrupted by the entrance of four men in khaki, a
short, stumpy sergeant of middle age, a young corporal, and two young privates.
The woman leaned back in her chair.
“Oh, my!” she cried. “If
there isn’t the boys back: looking perished, I believe—”
“Perished, Ma!”
exclaimed the sergeant. “Not yet.”
“Near enough,” said a
young private, uncouthly.
The woman got up.
“I’m sure you are, my
dears. You’ll be wanting your suppers, I’ll be bound.”
“We could do with ’em.”
“Let’s have a wet
first,” said the sergeant.
The woman bustled about
getting the drinks. The soldiers moved to the fire, spreading out their hands.
“Have your suppers in
here, will you?” she said. “Or in the kitchen?”
“Let’s have it here,”
said the sergeant. “More cosier—if you don’t mind.”
“You shall have it where
you like, boys, where you like.”
She disappeared. In a
minute a girl of about sixteen came in. She was tall and fresh, with dark,
young, expressionless eyes, and well-drawn brows, and the immature softness and
mindlessness of the sensuous Celtic type.
“Ho, Maryann! Evenin’,
Maryann! How’s Maryann, now?” came the multiple greeting.
She replied to everybody
in a soft voice, a strange, soft aplomb that was very
attractive. And she moved round with rather mechanical, attractive movements,
as if her thoughts were elsewhere. But she had always this dim far-awayness in
her bearing: a sort of modesty. The strange man by the fire watched her
curiously. There was an alert, inquisitive, mindless curiosity on his
well-coloured face.
“I’ll have a bit of
supper with you, if I might,” he said.
She looked at him, with
her clear, unreasoning eyes, just like the eyes of some non-human creature.
“I’ll ask mother,” she
said. Her voice was soft-breathing, gently singsong.
When she came in again:
“Yes,” she said, almost
whispering. “What will you have?”
“What have you got?” he
said, looking up into her face.
“There’s cold meat—”
“That’s for me, then.”
The stranger sat at the
end of the table and ate with the tired, quiet soldiers. Now, the landlady was
interested in him. Her brow was knit rather tense, there was a look of panic in
her large, healthy face, but her small brown eyes were fixed most dangerously.
She was a big woman, but her eyes were small and tense. She drew near the
stranger. She wore a rather loud-patterned flannelette blouse, and a dark
skirt.
“What will you have to
drink with your supper?” she asked, and there was a new, dangerous note in her
voice.
He moved uneasily.
“Oh, I’ll go on with
ale.”
She drew him another
glass. Then she sat down on the bench at the table with him and the soldiers,
and fixed him with her attention.
“You’ve come from St
Just, have you?” she said.
He looked at her with
those clear, dark, inscrutable Cornish eyes, and answered at length:
“No, from Penzance.”
“Penzance!—but you’re
not thinking of going back there tonight?”
“No—no.”
He still looked at her
with those wide, clear eyes that seemed like very bright agate. Her anger began
to rise. It was seen on her brow. Yet her voice was still suave and
deprecating.
“I thought not—but
you’re not living in these parts, are you?”
“No—no, I’m not living
here.” He was always slow in answering, as if something intervened between him
and any outside question.
“Oh, I see,” she said.
“You’ve got relations down here.”
Again he looked straight
into her eyes, as if looking her into silence.
“Yes,” he said.
He did not say any more.
She rose with a flounce. The anger was tight on her brow. There was no more
laughing and card-playing that evening, though she kept up her motherly, suave,
good-humoured way with the men. But they knew her, they were all afraid of her.
The supper was finished,
the table cleared, the stranger did not go. Two of the young soldiers went off
to bed, with their cheery:
“Good-night, Ma.
Good-night, Maryann.”
The stranger talked a
little to the sergeant about the war, which was in its first year, about the
new army, a fragment of which was quartered in this district, about America.
The landlady darted
looks at him from her small eyes, minute by minute the electric storm welled in
her bosom, as still he did not go. She was quivering with suppressed, violent
passion, something frightening and abnormal. She could not sit still for a
moment. Her heavy form seemed to flash with sudden, involuntary movements as
the minutes passed by, and still he sat there, and the tension on her heart
grew unbearable. She watched the hands of the dock move on. Three of the
soldiers had gone to bed, only the crop-headed, terrier-like old sergeant
remained.
The landlady sat behind
the bar fidgeting spasmodically with the newspaper. She looked again at the
clock. At last it was five minutes to ten.
“Gentlemen—the enemy!”
she said, in her diminished, furious voice. “Time, please. Time, my dears. And
good-night all!”
The men began to drop
out, with a brief good-night. It was a minute to ten. The landlady rose.
“Come,” she said. “I’m
shutting the door.”
The last of the miners
passed out. She stood, stout and menacing, holding the door. Still the stranger
sat on by the fire, his black overcoat opened, smoking.
“We’re closed now, sir,”
came the perilous, narrowed voice of the landlady.
The little, dog-like,
hard-headed sergeant touched the arm of the stranger.
“Closing time,” he said.
The stranger turned
round in his seat, and his quick-moving, dark, jewel-like eyes went from the
sergeant to the landlady.
“I’m stopping here
tonight,” he said, in his laconic Cornish-Yankee accent.
The landlady seemed to
tower. Her eyes lifted strangely, frightening.
“Oh! indeed!” she
cried.” Oh, indeed! And whose orders are those, may I ask?”
He looked at her again.
“My orders,” he said.
Involuntarily she shut
the door, and advanced like a great, dangerous bird. Her voice rose, there was
a touch of hoarseness in it.
“And what might your orders
be, if you please?” she cried. “Who might you be, to give
orders, in the house?”
He sat still, watching
her.
“You know who I am,” he
said. “At least, I know who you are.”
“Oh, you do? Oh, do you?
And who am I then, if you’ll be so good as to tell me?”
He stared at her with
his bright, dark eyes.
“You’re my Missis, you
are,” he said. “And you know it, as well as I do.”
She started as if
something had exploded in her.
Her eyes lifted and
flared madly.
“Do I know
it, indeed!” she cried. “I know no such thing! I know no such thing! Do you
think a man’s going to walk into this bar, and tell me off-hand I’m his Missis,
and I’m going to believe him?—I say to you, whoever you may be, you’re
mistaken. I know myself for no Missis of yours, and I’ll thank you to go out of
this house, this minute, before I get those that will put you out.”
The man rose to his
feet, stretching his head towards her a little. He was a handsomely built
Cornishman in the prime of life.
“What you say, eh? You
don’t know me?” he said, in his singsong voice, emotionless, but rather
smothered and pressing: it reminded one of the girl’s. “I should know you
anywhere, you see. I should! I shouldn’t have to look twice to know you, you
see. You see, now, don’t you?”
The woman was baffled.
“So you may say,” she
replied, staccato. “So you may say. That’s easy enough. My name’s known, and
respected, by most people for ten miles round. But I don’t know you.”
Her voice ran to
sarcasm. “I can’t say I know you. You’re a perfect stranger
to me, and I don’t believe I’ve ever set eyes on you before tonight.”
Her voice was very
flexible and sarcastic.
“Yes, you have,” replied
the man, in his reasonable way.” Yes, you have. Your name’s my name, and that
girl Maryann is my girl; she’s my daughter. You’re my Missis right enough. As
sure as I’m Willie Nankervis.”
He spoke as if it were
an accepted fact. His face was handsome, with a strange, watchful alertness and
a fundamental fixity of intention that maddened her.
“You villain!” she
cried. “You villain, to come to this house and dare to speak to me. You
villain, you down-right rascal!”
He looked at her.
“Ay,” he said, unmoved.
“All that.” He was uneasy before her. Only he was not afraid of her. There was
something impenetrable about him, like his eyes, which were as bright as agate.
She towered, and drew
near to him menacingly.
“You’re going out of
this house, aren’t you?”—She stamped her foot in sudden madness. “This
minute!”
He watched her. He knew
she wanted to strike him.
“No,” he said, with
suppressed emphasis. “I’ve told you, I’m stopping here.”
He was afraid of her
personality, but it did not alter him. She wavered. Her small, tawny-brown eyes
concentrated in a point of vivid, sightless fury, like a tiger’s. The man was
wincing, but he stood his ground. Then she bethought herself. She would gather
her forces.
“We’ll see whether
you’re stopping here,” she said. And she turned, with a curious, frightening lifting
of her eyes, and surged out of the room. The man, listening, heard her go
upstairs, heard her tapping at a bedroom door, heard her saying: “Do you mind
coming down a minute, boys? I want you. I’m in trouble.”
The man in the bar took
off his cap and his black overcoat, and threw them on the seat behind him. His
black hair was short and touched with grey at the temples. He wore a well-cut,
well-fitting suit of dark grey, American in style, and a turn-down collar. He
looked well-to-do, a fine, solid figure of a man. The rather rigid look of the
shoulders came from his having had his collar-bone twice broken in the mines.
The little terrier of a
sergeant, in dirty khaki, looked at him furtively.
“She’s your Missis?” he
asked, jerking his head in the direction of the departed woman.
“Yes, she is,” barked
the man. “She’s that, sure enough.”
“Not seen her for a long
time, haven’t ye?”
“Sixteen years come
March month.”
“Hm!”
And the sergeant
laconically resumed his smoking.
The landlady was coming
back, followed by the three young soldiers, who entered rather sheepishly, in
trousers and shirt and stocking-feet. The woman stood histrionically at the end
of the bar, and exclaimed:
“That man refuses to
leave the house, claims he’s stopping the night here. You know very well I have
no bed, don’t you? And this house doesn’t accommodate travellers. Yet he’s
going to stop in spite of all! But not while I’ve a drop of blood in my body,
that I declare with my dying breath. And not if you men are worth the name of
men, and will help a woman as has no one to help her.”
Her eyes sparkled, her
face was flushed pink. She was drawn up like an Amazon.
The young soldiers did
not quite know what to do. They looked at the man, they looked at the sergeant,
one of them looked down and fastened his braces on the second button.
“What say, sergeant?”
asked one whose face twinkled for a little devilment.
“Man says he’s husband
to Mrs. Nankervis,” said the sergeant.
“He’s no husband of
mine. I declare I never set eyes on him before this night. It’s a dirty trick,
nothing else, it’s a dirty trick.”
“Why, you’re a liar,
saying you never set eyes on me before,” barked the man near the hearth.
“You’re married to me, and that girl Maryann you had by me—well enough you know
it.”
The young soldiers
looked on in delight, the sergeant smoked imperturbed.
“Yes,” sang the
landlady, slowly shaking her head in supreme sarcasm, “it sounds very pretty,
doesn’t it? But you see we don’t believe a word of it, and how are
you going to prove it?” She smiled nastily.
The man watched in
silence for a moment, then he said:
“It wants no proof.”
“Oh, yes, but it does!
Oh, yes, but it does, sir, it wants a lot of proving!” sang the lady’s sarcasm.
“We’re not such gulls as all that, to swallow your words whole.”
But he stood unmoved
near the fire. She stood with one hand resting on the zinc-covered bar, the
sergeant sat with legs crossed, smoking, on the seat halfway between them, the
three young soldiers in their shirts and braces stood wavering in the gloom
behind the bar. There was silence.
“Do you know anything of
the whereabouts of your husband, Mrs. Nankervis? Is he still living?” asked the
sergeant, in his judicious fashion.
Suddenly the landlady
began to cry, great scalding tears, that left the young men aghast.
“I know nothing of him,”
she sobbed, feeling for her pocket handkerchief. “He left me when Maryann was a
baby, went mining to America, and after about six months never wrote a line nor
sent me a penny bit. I can’t say whether he’s alive or dead, the villain. All
I’ve heard of him’s to the bad—and I’ve heard nothing for years an’ all, now.”
She sobbed violently.
The golden-skinned,
handsome man near the fire watched her as she wept. He was frightened, he was
troubled, he was bewildered, but none of his emotions altered him underneath.
There was no sound in
the room but the violent sobbing of the landlady. The men, one and all, were
overcome.
“Don’t you think as
you’d better go, for tonight?” said the sergeant to the man, with sweet
reasonableness. “You’d better leave it a bit, and arrange something between
you. You can’t have much claim on a woman, I should imagine, if it’s how she
says. And you’ve come down on her a bit too sudden-like.”
The landlady sobbed
heart-brokenly. The man watched her large breasts shaken. They seemed to cast a
spell over his mind.
“How I’ve treated her,
that’s no matter,” he replied. “I’ve come back, and I’m going to stop in my own
home—for a bit, anyhow. There you’ve got it.”
“A dirty action,” said
the sergeant, his face flushing dark. “A dirty action, to come, after deserting
a woman for that number of years, and want to force yourself on her! A dirty
action—as isn’t allowed by the law.”
The landlady wiped her
eyes.
“Never you mind about
law nor nothing,” cried the man, in a strange, strong voice. “I’m not moving
out of this public tonight.”
The woman turned to the
soldiers behind her, and said in a wheedling, sarcastic tone:
“Are we going to stand
it, boys?—Are we going to be done like this, Sergeant Thomas, by a scoundrel
and a bully as has led a life beyond mention, in those American
mining-camps, and then wants to come back and make havoc of a poor woman’s life
and savings, after having left her with a baby in arms to struggle as best she
might? It’s a crying shame if nobody will stand up for me—a crying shame—!”
The soldiers and the
little sergeant were bristling. The woman stooped and rummaged under the
counter for a minute. Then, unseen to the man away near the fire, she threw out
a plaited grass rope, such as is used for binding bales, and left it lying near
the feet of the young soldiers, in the gloom at the back of the bar.
Then she rose and
fronted the situation.
“Come now,” she said to
the man, in a reasonable, coldly-coaxing tone, “put your coat on and leave us
alone. Be a man, and not worse than a brute of a German. You can get a bed easy
enough in St Just, and if you’ve nothing to pay for it sergeant would lend you
a couple of shillings, I’m sure he would.”
All eyes were fixed on
the man. He was looking down at the woman like a creature spell-bound or
possessed by some devil’s own intention.
“I’ve got money of my
own,” he said. “Don’t you be frightened for your money, I’ve plenty of that,
for the time.”
“Well, then,” she
coaxed, in a cold, almost sneering propitiation, “put your coat on and go where
you’re wanted—be a man, not a brute of a German.”
She had drawn quite near
to him, in her challenging coaxing intentness. He looked down at her with his
bewitched face.
“No, I shan’t,” he said.
“I shan’t do no such thing. You’ll put me up for tonight.”
“Shall I!” she cried.
And suddenly she flung her arms round him, hung on to him with all her powerful
weight, calling to the soldiers: “Get the rope, boys, and fasten him up.
Alfred—John, quick now—”
The man reared, looked
round with maddened eyes, and heaved his powerful body. But the woman was
powerful also, and very heavy, and was clenched with the determination of
death. Her face, with its exulting, horribly vindictive look, was turned up to
him from his own breast; he reached back his head frantically, to get away from
it. Meanwhile the young soldiers, after having watched this frightful Laocoon
swaying for a moment, stirred, and the malicious one darted swiftly with the
rope. It was tangled a little.
“Give me the end here,”
cried the sergeant.
Meanwhile the big man
heaved and struggled, swung the woman round against the seat and the table, in
his convulsive effort to get free. But she pinned down his arms like a
cuttlefish wreathed heavily upon him. And he heaved and swayed, and they
crashed about the room, the soldiers hopping, the furniture bumping.
The young soldier had
got the rope once round, the brisk sergeant helping him. The woman sank heavily
lower, they got the rope round several times. In the struggle the victim fell
over against the table. The ropes tightened till they cut his arms. The woman
clung to his knees. Another soldier ran in a flash of genius, and fastened the
strange man’s feet with the pair of braces. Seats had crashed over, the table
was thrown against the wall, but the man was bound, his arms pinned against his
sides, his feet tied. He lay half fallen, sunk against the table, still for a
moment.
The woman rose, and
sank, faint, on to the seat against the wall. Her breast heaved, she could not
speak, she thought she was going to die. The bound man lay against the
overturned table, his coat all twisted and pulled up beneath the ropes, leaving
the loins exposed. The soldiers stood around, a little dazed, but excited with
the row.
The man began to
struggle again, heaving instinctively against the ropes, taking great, deep
breaths. His face, with its golden skin, flushed dark and surcharged, he heaved
again. The great veins in his neck stood out. But it was no good, he went
relaxed. Then again, suddenly, he jerked his feet.
“Another pair of braces,
William,” cried the excited soldier. He threw himself on the legs of the bound
man, and managed to fasten the knees. Then again there was stillness. They
could hear the clock tick.
The woman looked at the
prostrate figure, the strong, straight limbs, the strong back bound in
subjection, the wide-eyed face that reminded her of a calf tied in a sack in a
cart, only its head stretched dumbly backwards. And she triumphed.
The bound-up body began
to struggle again. She watched fascinated the muscles working, the shoulders,
the hips, the large, clean thighs. Even now he might break the ropes. She was
afraid. But the lively young soldier sat on the shoulders of the bound man, and
after a few perilous moments, there was stillness again.
“Now,” said the
judicious sergeant to the bound man, “if we untie you, will you promise to go
off and make no more trouble.”
“You’ll not untie him in
here,” cried the woman. “I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could blow him.”
There was silence.
“We might carry him
outside, and undo him there,” said the soldier. “Then we could get the
policeman, if he made any bother.”
“Yes,” said the
sergeant. “We could do that.” Then again, in an altered, almost severe tone, to
the prisoner. “If we undo you outside, will you take your coat and go without
creating any more disturbance?”
But the prisoner would
not answer, he only lay with wide, dark, bright, eyes, like a bound animal.
There was a space of perplexed silence.
“Well, then, do as you
say,” said the woman irritably. “Carry him out amongst you, and let us shut up
the house.”
They did so. Picking up
the bound man, the four soldiers staggered clumsily into the silent square in
front of the inn, the woman following with the cap and the overcoat. The young
soldiers quickly unfastened the braces from the prisoner’s legs, and they
hopped indoors. They were in their stocking-feet, and outside the stars flashed
cold. They stood in the doorway watching. The man lay quite still on the cold
ground.
“Now,” said the sergeant,
in a subdued voice, “I’ll loosen the knot, and he can work himself free, if you
go in, Missis.”
She gave a last look at
the dishevelled, bound man, as he sat on the ground. Then she went indoors,
followed quickly by the sergeant. Then they were heard locking and barring the
door.
The man seated on the
ground outside worked and strained at the rope. But it was not so easy to undo
himself even now. So, with hands bound, making an effort, he got on his feet,
and went and worked the cord against the rough edge of an old wall. The rope,
being of a kind of plaited grass, soon frayed and broke, and he freed himself.
He had various contusions. His arms were hurt and bruised from the bonds. He
rubbed them slowly. Then he pulled his clothes straight, stooped, put on his
cap, struggled into his overcoat, and walked away.
The stars were very
brilliant. Clear as crystal, the beam from the lighthouse under the cliffs
struck rhythmically on the night. Dazed, the man walked along the road past the
churchyard. Then he stood leaning up against a wall, for a long time.
He was roused because
his feet were so cold. So he pulled himself together, and turned again in the
silent night, back towards the inn.
The bar was in darkness.
But there was a light in the kitchen. He hesitated. Then very quietly he tried
the door.
He was surprised to find
it open. He entered, and quietly closed it behind him. Then he went down the
step past the bar-counter, and through to the lighted doorway of the kitchen.
There sat his wife, planted in front of the range, where a furze fire was
burning. She sat in a chair full in front of the range, her knees wide apart on
the fender. She looked over her shoulder at him as he entered, but she did not
speak. Then she stared in the fire again.
It was a small, narrow
kitchen. He dropped his cap on the table that was covered with yellowish
American cloth, and took a seat with his back to the wall, near the oven. His
wife still sat with her knees apart, her feet on the steel fender and stared
into the fire, motionless. Her skin was smooth and rosy in the firelight.
Everything in the house was very clean and bright. The man sat silent, too, his
head dropped. And thus they remained.
It was a question who
would speak first. The woman leaned forward and poked the ends of the sticks in
between the bars of the range. He lifted his head and looked at her.
“Others gone to bed,
have they?” he asked.
But she remained closed
in silence.
“’S a cold night, out,”
he said, as if to himself.
And he laid his large,
yet well-shapen workman’s hand on the top of the stove, that was polished black
and smooth as velvet. She would not look at him, yet she glanced out of the
corners of her eyes.
His eyes were fixed
brightly on her, the pupils large and electric like those of a cat.
“I should have picked
you out among thousands,” he said. “Though you’re bigger than I’d have
believed. Fine flesh you’ve made.”
She was silent for some
time. Then she turned in her chair upon him.
“What do you think of
yourself,” she said, “coming back on me like this after over fifteen years? You
don’t think I’ve not heard of you, neither, in Butte City and elsewhere?”
He was watching her with
his clear, translucent, unchallenged eyes.
“Yes,” he said. “Chaps
comes an’ goes—I’ve heard tell of you from time to time.”
She drew herself up.
“And what lies have you
heard about me?” she demanded superbly.
“I dunno as I’ve heard
any lies at all—’cept as you was getting on very well, like.”
His voice ran warily and
detached. Her anger stirred again in her violently. But she subdued it, because
of the danger there was in him, and more, perhaps, because of the beauty of his
head and his level drawn brows, which she could not bear to forfeit.
“That’s more than I can
say of you,” she said. “I’ve heard more harm than good about you.”
“Ay, I dessay,” he said,
looking in the fire. It was a long time since he had seen the furze burning, he
said to himself. There was a silence, during which she watched his face.
“Do you call yourself
a man?” she said, more in contemptuous reproach than in anger.
“Leave a woman as you’ve left me, you don’t care to what!—and then to turn up
in this fashion, without a word to say for yourself.”
He stirred in his chair,
planted his feet apart, and resting his arms on his knees, looked steadily into
the fire, without answering. So near to her was his head, and the close black
hair, she could scarcely refrain from starting away, as if it would bite her.
“Do you call that the
action of a man?” she repeated.
“No,” he said, reaching
and poking the bits of wood into the fire with his fingers. “I didn’t call it
anything, as I know of. It’s no good calling things by any names whatsoever, as
I know of.”
She watched him in his
actions. There was a longer and longer pause between each speech, though
neither knew it.
“I wonder what
you think of yourself!” she exclaimed, with vexed emphasis. “I wonder what
sort of a fellow you take yourself to be!” She was really perplexed as well as
angry.
“Well,” he said, lifting
his head to look at her, “I guess I’ll answer for my own faults, if everybody
else’ll answer for theirs.”
Her heart beat fiery hot
as he lifted his face to her. She breathed heavily, averting her face, almost
losing her self-control.
“And what do you
take me to be?” she cried, in real helplessness.
His face was lifted
watching her, watching her soft, averted face, and the softly heaving mass of
her breasts.
“I take you,” he said,
with that laconic truthfulness which exercised such power over her, “to be the
deuce of a fine woman—darn me if you’re not as fine a built woman as I’ve seen,
handsome with it as well. I shouldn’t have expected you to put on such handsome
flesh: ’struth I shouldn’t.”
Her heart beat fiery
hot, as he watched her with those bright agate eyes, fixedly.
“Been very handsome
to you, for fifteen years, my sakes!” she replied.
He made no answer to
this, but sat with his bright, quick eyes upon her.
Then he rose. She
started involuntarily. But he only said, in his laconic, measured way:
“It’s warm in here now.”
And he pulled off his
overcoat, throwing it on the table. She sat as if slightly cowed, whilst he did
so.
“Them ropes has given my
arms something, by Ga-ard,” he drawled, feeling his arms with his hands.
Still she sat in her
chair before him, slightly cowed.
“You was sharp, wasn’t
you, to catch me like that, eh?” he smiled slowly. “By Ga-ard, you had me fixed
proper, proper you had. Darn me, you fixed me up proper—proper, you did.”
He leaned forwards in
his chair towards her.
“I don’t think no worse
of you for it, no, darned if I do. Fine pluck in a woman’s what I admire. That
I do, indeed.”
She only gazed into the
fire.
“We fet from the start,
we did. And, my word, you begin again quick the minute you see me, you did.
Darn me, you was too sharp for me. A darn fine woman, puts up a darn good fight.
Darn me if I could find a woman in all the darn States as could get me down
like that. Wonderful fine woman you be, truth to say, at this minute.”
She only sat glowering
into the fire.
“As grand a pluck as a
man could wish to find in a woman, true as I’m here,” he said, reaching forward
his hand and tentatively touching her between her full, warm breasts, quietly.
She started, and seemed
to shudder. But his hand insinuated itself between her breasts, as she
continued to gaze in the fire.
“And don’t you think
I’ve come back here a-begging,” he said. “I’ve more than one thousand
pounds to my name, I have. And a bit of a fight for a how-de-do pleases me,
that it do. But that doesn’t mean as you’re going to deny as you’re my
Missis....”
A young man came out of the Victoria station,
looking undecidedly at the taxi-cabs, dark-red and black, pressing against the
kerb under the glass-roof. Several men in greatcoats and brass buttons jerked
themselves erect to catch his attention, at the same time keeping an eye on the
other people as they filtered through the open doorways of the station. Berry,
however, was occupied by one of the men, a big, burly fellow whose blue eyes
glared back and whose red-brown moustache bristled in defiance.
“Do you want a
cab, sir?” the man asked, in a half-mocking, challenging voice.
Berry hesitated still.
“Are you Daniel Sutton?”
he asked.
“Yes,” replied the other
defiantly, with uneasy conscience.
“Then you are my uncle,”
said Berry.
They were alike in
colouring, and somewhat in features, but the taxi driver was a powerful,
well-fleshed man who glared at the world aggressively, being really on the
defensive against his own heart. His nephew, of the same height, was thin,
well-dressed, quiet and indifferent in his manner. And yet they were obviously
kin.
“And who the devil are
you?” asked the taxi driver.
“I’m Daniel Berry,”
replied the nephew.
“Well, I’m damned—never
saw you since you were a kid.”
Rather awkwardly at this
late hour the two shook hands.
“How are you, lad?”
“All right. I thought
you were in Australia.”
“Been back three
months—bought a couple of these damned things,”—he kicked the tyre of his
taxi-cab in affectionate disgust. There was a moment’s silence.
“Oh, but I’m going back
out there. I can’t stand this cankering, rotten-hearted hell of a country any
more; you want to come out to Sydney with me, lad. That’s the place for
you—beautiful place, oh, you could wish for nothing better. And money in it,
too.—How’s your mother?”
“She died at Christmas,”
said the young man.
“Dead! What!—our Anna!”
The big man’s eyes stared, and he recoiled in fear. “God, lad,” he said,
“that’s three of ’em gone!”
The two men looked away
at the people passing along the pale grey pavements, under the wall of Trinity
Church.
“Well, strike me lucky!”
said the taxi driver at last, out of breath. “She wor th’ best o’ th’ bunch of
’em. I see nowt nor hear nowt from any of ’em—they’re not worth it, I’ll be
damned if they are—our sermon-lapping Adela and Maud,” he looked scornfully at
his nephew. “But she was the best of ’em, our Anna was, that’s a fact.”
He was talking because
he was afraid.
“An’ after a hard life
like she’d had. How old was she, lad?”
“Fifty-five.”
“Fifty-five....” He
hesitated. Then, in a rather hushed voice, he asked the question that
frightened him:
“And what was it, then?”
“Cancer.”
“Cancer again, like
Julia! I never knew there was cancer in our family. Oh, my good God, our poor
Anna, after the life she’d had!—What, lad, do you see any God at the back of
that?—I’m damned if I do.”
He was glaring, very
blue-eyed and fierce, at his nephew. Berry lifted his shoulders slightly.
“God?” went on the taxi
driver, in a curious intense tone, “You’ve only to look at the folk in the
street to know there’s nothing keeps it going but gravitation. Look at ’em.
Look at him!”—A mongrel-looking man was nosing past. “Wouldn’t he murder
you for your watch-chain, but that he’s afraid of society. He’s got it in him....
Look at ’em.”
Berry watched the
towns-people go by, and, sensitively feeling his uncle’s antipathy, it seemed
he was watching a sort of danse macabre of ugly criminals.
“Did you ever see such a
God-forsaken crew creeping about! It gives you the very horrors to look at ’em.
I sit in this damned car and watch ’em till, I can tell you, I feel like
running the cab amuck among ’em, and running myself to kingdom come—”
Berry wondered at this
outburst. He knew his uncle was the black-sheep, the youngest, the darling of
his mother’s family. He knew him to be at outs with respectability, mixing with
the looser, sporting type, all betting and drinking and showing dogs and birds,
and racing. As a critic of life, however, he did not know him. But the young
man felt curiously understanding. “He uses words like I do, he talks nearly as
I talk, except that I shouldn’t say those things. But I might feel like that,
in myself, if I went a certain road.”
“I’ve got to go to
Watmore,” he said. “Can you take me?”
“When d’you want to go?”
asked the uncle fiercely.
“Now.”
“Come on, then. What
d’yer stand gassin’ on th’ causeway for?”
The nephew took his seat
beside the driver. The cab began to quiver, then it started forward with a
whirr. The uncle, his hands and feet acting mechanically, kept his blue eyes
fixed on the highroad into whose traffic the car was insinuating its way. Berry
felt curiously as if he were sitting beside an older development of himself.
His mind went back to his mother. She had been twenty years older than this
brother of hers whom she had loved so dearly. “He was one of the most affectionate
little lads, and such a curly head! I could never have believed he would grow
into the great, coarse bully he is—for he’s nothing else. My father made a god
of him—well, it’s a good thing his father is dead. He got in with that sporting
gang, that’s what did it. Things were made too easy for him, and so he thought
of no one but himself, and this is the result.”
Not that “Joky” Sutton
was so very black a sheep. He had lived idly till he was eighteen, then had
suddenly married a young, beautiful girl with clear brows and dark grey eyes, a
factory girl. Having taken her to live with his parents he, lover of dogs and
pigeons, went on to the staff of a sporting paper. But his wife was without
uplift or warmth. Though they made money enough, their house was dark and cold
and uninviting. He had two or three dogs, and the whole attic was turned into a
great pigeon-house. He and his wife lived together roughly, with no warmth, no
refinement, no touch of beauty anywhere, except that she was beautiful. He was a
blustering, impetuous man, she was rather cold in her soul, did not care about
anything very much, was rather capable and close with money. And she had a
common accent in her speech. He outdid her a thousand times in coarse language,
and yet that cold twang in her voice tortured him with shame that he stamped
down in bullying and in becoming more violent in his own speech.
Only his dogs adored
him, and to them, and to his pigeons, he talked with rough, yet curiously
tender caresses while they leaped and fluttered for joy.
After he and his wife
had been married for seven years a little girl was born to them, then later,
another. But the husband and wife drew no nearer together. She had an affection
for her children almost like a cool governess. He had an emotional man’s fear
of sentiment, which helped to nip his wife from putting out any shoots. He
treated his children roughly, and pretended to think it a good job when one was
adopted by a well-to-do maternal aunt. But in his soul he hated his wife that
she could give away one of his children. For after her cool fashion, she loved
him. With a chaos of a man such as he, she had no chance of being anything but
cold and hard, poor thing. For she did love him.
In the end he fell
absurdly and violently in love with a rather sentimental young woman who read
Browning. He made his wife an allowance and established a new ménage with the
young lady, shortly after emigrating with her to Australia. Meanwhile his wife
had gone to live with a publican, a widower, with whom she had had one of those
curious, tacit understandings of which quiet women are capable, something like
an arrangement for provision in the future.
This was as much as the
nephew knew. He sat beside his uncle, wondering how things stood at the
present. They raced lightly out past the cemetery and along the boulevard, then
turned into the rather grimy country. The mud flew out on either side, there
was a fine mist of rain which blew in their faces. Berry covered himself up.
In the lanes the high
hedges shone black with rain. The silvery grey sky, faintly dappled, spread
wide over the low, green land. The elder man glanced fiercely up the road, then
turned his red face to his nephew.
“And how’re you going
on, lad?” he said loudly. Berry noticed that his uncle was slightly uneasy of
him. It made him also uncomfortable. The elder man had evidently something
pressing on his soul.
“Who are you living with
in town?” asked the nephew. “Have you gone back to Aunt Maud?”
“No,” barked the uncle.
“She wouldn’t have me. I offered to—I want to—but she wouldn’t.”
“You’re alone, then?”
“No, I’m not alone.”
He turned and glared
with his fierce blue eyes at his nephew, but said no more for some time. The
car ran on through the mud, under the wet wall of the park.
“That other devil tried
to poison me,” suddenly shouted the elder man. “The one I went to Australia
with.” At which, in spite of himself, the younger smiled in secret.
“How was that?” he
asked.
“Wanted to get rid of
me. She got in with another fellow on the ship.... By Jove, I was bad.”
“Where?—on the ship?”
“No,” bellowed the
other. “No. That was in Wellington, New Zealand. I was bad, and got lower an’
lower—couldn’t think what was up. I could hardly crawl about. As certain as I’m
here, she was poisoning me, to get to th’ other chap—I’m certain of it.”
“And what did you do?”
“I cleared out—went to
Sydney—”
“And left her?”
“Yes, I thought begod,
I’d better clear out if I wanted to live.”
“And you were all right
in Sydney?”
“Better in no
time—I know she was putting poison in my coffee.”
“Hm!”
There was a glum
silence. The driver stared at the road ahead, fixedly, managing the car as if
it were a live thing. The nephew felt that his uncle was afraid, quite
stupefied with fear, fear of life, of death, of himself.
“You’re in rooms, then?”
asked the nephew.
“No, I’m in a house of
my own,” said the uncle defiantly, “wi’ th’ best little woman in th’ Midlands.
She’s a marvel.—Why don’t you come an’ see us?”
“I will. Who is she?”
“Oh, she’s a good girl—a
beautiful little thing. I was clean gone on her first time I saw her. An’ she
was on me. Her mother lives with us—respectable girl, none o’ your....”
“And how old is she?”
“—how old is she?—she’s
twenty-one.”
“Poor thing.”
“She’s right
enough.”
“You’d marry her—getting
a divorce—?”
“I shall marry her.”
There was a little
antagonism between the two men.
“Where’s Aunt Maud?”
asked the younger.
“She’s at the Railway
Arms—we passed it, just against Rollin’s Mill Crossing.... They sent me a note
this morning to go an’ see her when I can spare time. She’s got consumption.”
“Good Lord! Are you
going?”
“Yes—”
But again Berry felt
that his uncle was afraid.
The young man got
through his commission in the village, had a drink with his uncle at the inn,
and the two were returning home. The elder man’s subject of conversation was
Australia. As they drew near the town they grew silent, thinking both of the
public-house. At last they saw the gates of the railway crossing were closed
before them.
“Shan’t you call?” asked
Berry, jerking his head in the direction of the inn, which stood at the corner
between two roads, its sign hanging under a bare horse-chestnut tree in front.
“I might as well. Come
in an’ have a drink,” said the uncle.
It had been raining all
the morning, so shallow pools of water lay about. A brewer’s wagon, with wet
barrels and warm-smelling horses, stood near the door of the inn. Everywhere
seemed silent, but for the rattle of trains at the crossing. The two men went
uneasily up the steps and into the bar. The place was paddled with wet feet,
empty. As the bar-man was heard approaching, the uncle asked, his usual bluster
slightly hushed by fear:
“What yer goin’ ta have,
lad? Same as last time?”
A man entered, evidently
the proprietor. He was good-looking, with a long, heavy face and quick, dark
eyes. His glance at Sutton was swift, a start, a recognition, and a withdrawal,
into heavy neutrality.
“How are yer, Dan?” he
said, scarcely troubling to speak.
“Are yer, George?”
replied Sutton, hanging back. “My nephew, Dan Berry.—Give us Red Seal, George.”
The publican nodded to
the younger man, and set the glasses on the bar. He pushed forward the two
glasses, then leaned back in the dark corner behind the door, his arms folded,
evidently preferring to get back from the watchful eyes of the nephew.
“—’s luck,” said Sutton.
The publican nodded in
acknowledgement. Sutton and his nephew drank.
“Why the hell don’t you
get that road mended in Cinder Hill—,” said Sutton fiercely, pushing back his
driver’s cap and showing his short-cut, bristling hair.
“They can’t find it in
their hearts to pull it up,” replied the publican, laconically.
“Find in their hearts!
They want settin’ in barrows an’ runnin’ up an’ down it till they cried for
mercy.”
Sutton put down his
glass. The publican renewed it with a sure hand, at ease in whatsoever he did.
Then he leaned back against the bar. He wore no coat. He stood with arms
folded, his chin on his chest, his long moustache hanging. His back was round
and slack, so that the lower part of his abdomen stuck forward, though he was
not stout. His cheek was healthy, brown-red, and he was muscular. Yet there was
about him this physical slackness, a reluctance in his slow, sure movements.
His eyes were keen under his dark brows, but reluctant also, as if he were
gloomily apathetic.
There was a halt. The
publican evidently would say nothing. Berry looked at the mahogany bar-counter,
slopped with beer, at the whisky-bottles on the shelves. Sutton, his cap pushed
back, showing a white brow above a weather-reddened face, rubbed his cropped
hair uneasily.
The publican glanced
round suddenly. It seemed that only his dark eyes moved.
“Going up?” he asked.
And something, perhaps
his eyes, indicated the unseen bed-chamber.
“Ay—that’s what I came
for,” replied Sutton, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. “She’s
been asking for me?”
“This morning,” replied
the publican, neutral.
Then he put up a flap of
the bar, and turned away through the dark doorway behind. Sutton, pulling off
his cap, showing a round, short-cropped head which now was ducked forward,
followed after him, the buttons holding the strap of his great-coat behind
glittering for a moment.
They climbed the dark
stairs, the husband placing his feet carefully, because of his big boots. Then
he followed down the passage, trying vaguely to keep a grip on his bowels,
which seemed to be melting away, and definitely wishing for a neat brandy. The
publican opened a door. Sutton, big and burly in his great-coat, went past him.
The bedroom seemed light
and warm after the passage. There was a red eider-down on the bed. Then, making
an effort, Sutton turned his eyes to see the sick woman. He met her eyes
direct, dark, dilated. It was such a shock he almost started away. For a second
he remained in torture, as if some invisible flame were playing on him to
reduce his bones and fuse him down. Then he saw the sharp white edge of her
jaw, and the black hair beside the hollow cheek. With a start he went towards
the bed.
“Hello, Maud!” he said.
“Why, what ye been doin’?”
The publican stood at
the window with his back to the bed. The husband, like one condemned but on the
point of starting away, stood by the bedside staring in horror at his wife,
whose dilated grey eyes, nearly all black now, watched him wearily, as if she
were looking at something a long way off.
Going exceedingly pale,
he jerked up his head and stared at the wall over the pillows. There was a
little coloured picture of a bird perched on a bell, and a nest among ivy
leaves beneath. It appealed to him, made him wonder, roused a feeling of
childish magic in him. They were wonderfully fresh, green ivy leaves, and
nobody had seen the nest among them save him.
Then suddenly he looked
down again at the face on the bed, to try and recognise it. He knew the white
brow and the beautiful clear eyebrows. That was his wife, with whom he had
passed his youth, flesh of his flesh, his, himself. Then those tired eyes,
which met his again from a long way off, disturbed him until he did not know
where he was. Only the sunken cheeks, and the mouth that seemed to protrude now
were foreign to him, and filled him with horror. It seemed he lost his
identity. He was the young husband of the woman with the clear brows; he was
the married man fighting with her whose eyes watched him, a little indifferently,
from a long way off; and he was a child in horror of that protruding mouth.
There came a crackling
sound of her voice. He knew she had consumption of the throat, and braced
himself hard to bear the noise.
“What was it, Maud?” he
asked in panic.
Then the broken,
crackling voice came again. He was too terrified of the sound of it to hear
what was said. There was a pause.
“You’ll take Winnie?”
the publican’s voice interpreted from the window.
“Don’t you bother, Maud,
I’ll take her,” he said, stupefying his mind so as not to understand.
He looked curiously
round the room. It was not a bad bedroom, light and warm. There were many
medicine bottles aggregated in a corner of the washstand—and a bottle of Three
Star brandy, half full. And there were also photographs of strange people on
the chest of drawers. It was not a bad room.
Again he started as if
he were shot. She was speaking. He bent down, but did not look at her.
“Be good to her,” she
whispered.
When he realised her
meaning, that he should be good to their child when the mother was gone, a
blade went through his flesh.
“I’ll be good to her,
Maud, don’t you bother,” he said, beginning to feel shaky.
He looked again at the
picture of the bird. It perched cheerfully under a blue sky, with robust, jolly
ivy leaves near. He was gathering his courage to depart. He looked down, but
struggled hard not to take in the sight of his wife’s face.
“I s’ll come again,
Maud,” he said. “I hope you’ll go on all right. Is there anything as you want?”
There was an almost imperceptible
shake of the head from the sick woman, making his heart melt swiftly again.
Then, dragging his limbs, he got out of the room and down the stairs.
The landlord came after
him.
“I’ll let you know if
anything happens,” the publican said, still laconic, but with his eyes dark and
swift.
“Ay, a’ right,” said
Sutton blindly. He looked round for his cap, which he had all the time in his
hand. Then he got out of doors.
In a moment the uncle
and nephew were in the car jolting on the level crossing. The elder man seemed
as if something tight in his brain made him open his eyes wide, and stare. He
held the steering wheel firmly. He knew he could steer accurately, to a hair’s
breadth. Glaring fixedly ahead, he let the car go, till it bounded over the
uneven road. There were three coal-carts in a string. In an instant the car
grazed past them, almost biting the kerb on the other side. Sutton aimed his
car like a projectile, staring ahead. He did not want to know, to think, to
realise, he wanted to be only the driver of that quick taxi.
The town drew near,
suddenly. There were allotment-gardens with dark-purple twiggy fruit-trees and
wet alleys between the hedges. Then suddenly the streets of dwelling-houses
whirled close, and the car was climbing the hill, with an angry
whirr,—up—up—till they rode out on to the crest and could see the tram-cars,
dark-red and yellow, threading their way round the corner below, and all the
traffic roaring between the shops.
“Got anywhere to go?”
asked Sutton of his nephew.
“I was going to see one
or two people.”
“Come an’ have a bit o’
dinner with us,” said the other.
Berry knew that his
uncle wanted to be distracted, so that he should not think nor realise. The big
man was running hard away from the horror of realisation.
“All right,” Berry
agreed.
The car went quickly
through the town. It ran up a long street nearly into the country again. Then
it pulled up at a house that stood alone, below the road.
“I s’ll be back in ten
minutes,” said the uncle.
The car went on to the
garage. Berry stood curiously at the top of the stone stairs that led from the
highroad down to the level of the house, an old stone place. The garden was
dilapidated. Broken fruit-trees leaned at a sharp angle down the steep bank.
Right across the dim grey atmosphere, in a kind of valley on the edge of the
town, new suburb-patches showed pinkish on the dark earth. It was a kind of
unresolved borderland.
Berry went down the
steps. Through the broken black fence of the orchard, long grass showed yellow.
The place seemed deserted. He knocked, then knocked again. An elderly woman
appeared. She looked like a housekeeper. At first she said suspiciously that
Mr. Sutton was not in.
“My uncle just put me
down. He’ll be in in ten minutes,” replied the visitor.
“Oh, are you the Mr.
Berry who is related to him?” exclaimed the elderly woman. “Come in—come in.”
She was at once kindly
and a little bit servile. The young man entered. It was an old house, rather
dark, and sparsely furnished. The elderly woman sat nervously on the edge of
one of the chairs in a drawing-room that looked as if it were furnished from
dismal relics of dismal homes, and there was a little straggling attempt at
conversation. Mrs. Greenwell was evidently a working class woman unused to
service or to any formality.
Presently she gathered
up courage to invite her visitor into the dining-room. There from the table
under the window rose a tall, slim girl with a cat in her arms. She was
evidently a little more lady-like than was habitual to her, but she had a gentle,
delicate, small nature. Her brown hair almost covered her ears, her dark lashes
came down in shy awkwardness over her beautiful blue eyes. She shook hands in a
frank way, yet she was shrinking. Evidently she was not sure how her position
would affect her visitor. And yet she was assured in herself, shrinking and
timid as she was.
“She must be a good deal
in love with him,” thought Berry.
Both women glanced
shamefacedly at the roughly laid table. Evidently they ate in a rather rough
and ready fashion.
Elaine—she had this
poetic name—fingered her cat timidly, not knowing what to say or to do, unable
even to ask her visitor to sit down. He noticed how her skirt hung almost flat
on her hips. She was young, scarce developed, a long, slender thing. Her colouring
was warm and exquisite.
The elder woman bustled
out to the kitchen. Berry fondled the terrier dogs that had come curiously to
his heels, and glanced out of the window at the wet, deserted orchard.
This room, too, was not
well furnished, and rather dark. But there was a big red fire.
“He always has fox
terriers,” he said.
“Yes,” she answered,
showing her teeth in a smile.
“Do you like them, too?”
“Yes”—she glanced down
at the dogs. “I like Tam better than Sally—”
Her speech always tailed
off into an awkward silence.
“We’ve been to see Aunt
Maud,” said the nephew.
Her eyes, blue and
scared and shrinking, met his.
“Dan had a letter,” he
explained. “She’s very bad.”
“Isn’t it horrible!” she
exclaimed, her face crumbling up with fear.
The old woman, evidently
a hard-used, rather down-trodden workman’s wife, came in with two soup-plates.
She glanced anxiously to see how her daughter was progressing with the visitor.
“Mother, Dan’s been to
see Maud,” said Elaine, in a quiet voice full of fear and trouble.
The old woman looked up
anxiously, in question.
“I think she wanted him
to take the child. She’s very bad, I believe,” explained Berry.
“Oh, we should take
Winnie!” cried Elaine. But both women seemed uncertain, wavering in their
position. Already Berry could see that his uncle had bullied them, as he
bullied everybody. But they were used to unpleasant men, and seemed to keep at
a distance.
“Will you have some
soup?” asked the mother, humbly.
She evidently did the
work. The daughter was to be a lady, more or less, always dressed and nice for
when Sutton came in.
They heard him heavily
running down the steps outside. The dogs got up. Elaine seemed to forget the
visitor. It was as if she came into life. Yet she was nervous and afraid. The
mother stood as if ready to exculpate herself.
Sutton burst open the
door. Big, blustering, wet in his immense grey coat, he came into the
dining-room.
“Hello!” he said to his
nephew, “making yourself at home?”
“Oh, yes,” replied
Berry.
“Hello, Jack,” he said
to the girl. “Got owt to grizzle about?”
“What for?” she asked,
in a clear, half-challenging voice, that had that peculiar twang, almost
petulant, so female and so attractive. Yet she was defiant like a boy.
“It’s a wonder if you
haven’t,” growled Sutton. And, with a really intimate movement, he stooped down
and fondled his dogs, though paying no attention to them. Then he stood up, and
remained with feet apart on the hearthrug, his head ducked forward, watching
the girl. He seemed abstracted, as if he could only watch her. His great-coat
hung open, so that she could see his figure, simple and human in the great husk
of cloth. She stood nervously with her hands behind her, glancing at him,
unable to see anything else. And he was scarcely conscious but of her. His eyes
were still strained and staring, and as they followed the girl, when,
long-limbed and languid, she moved away, it was as if he saw in her something
impersonal, the female, not the woman.
“Had your dinner?” he
asked.
“We were just going to
have it,” she replied, with the same curious little vibration in her voice,
like the twang of a string.
The mother entered,
bringing a saucepan from which she ladled soup into three plates.
“Sit down, lad,” said
Sutton. “You sit down, Jack, an’ give me mine here.”
“Oh, aren’t you coming
to table?” she complained.
“No, I tell you,” he
snarled, almost pretending to be disagreeable. But she was slightly afraid even
of the pretence, which pleased and relieved him. He stood on the hearthrug
eating his soup noisily.
“Aren’t you going to
take your coat off?” she said. “It’s filling the place full of steam.”
He did not answer, but,
with his head bent forward over the plate, he ate his soup hastily, to get it
done with. When he put down his empty plate, she rose and went to him.
“Do take your coat off,
Dan,” she said, and she took hold of the breast of his coat, trying to push it
back over his shoulder. But she could not. Only the stare in his eyes changed
to a glare as her hand moved over his shoulder. He looked down into her eyes.
She became pale, rather frightened-looking, and she turned her face away, and
it was drawn slightly with love and fear and misery. She tried again to put off
his coat, her thin wrists pulling at it. He stood solidly planted, and did not
look at her, but stared straight in front. She was playing with passion, afraid
of it, and really wretched because it left her, the person, out of count. Yet
she continued. And there came into his bearing, into his eyes, the curious
smile of passion, pushing away even the death-horror. It was life stronger than
death in him. She stood close to his breast. Their eyes met, and she was
carried away.
“Take your coat off,
Dan,” she said coaxingly, in a low tone meant for no one but him. And she slid
her hands on his shoulder, and he yielded, so that the coat was pushed back.
She had flushed, and her eyes had grown very bright. She got hold of the cuff
of his coat. Gently, he eased himself, so that she drew it off. Then he stood
in a thin suit, which revealed his vigorous, almost mature form.
“What a weight!” she
exclaimed, in a peculiar penetrating voice, as she went out hugging the
overcoat. In a moment she came back.
He stood still in the
same position, a frown over his fiercely staring eyes. The pain, the fear, the
horror in his breast were all burning away in the new, fiercest flame of
passion.
“Get your dinner,” he
said roughly to her.
“I’ve had all I want,”
she said. “You come an’ have yours.”
He looked at the table
as if he found it difficult to see things.
“I want no more,” he
said.
She stood close to his
chest. She wanted to touch him and to comfort him. There was something about
him now that fascinated her. Berry felt slightly ashamed that she seemed to
ignore the presence of others in the room.
The mother came in. She
glanced at Sutton, standing planted on the hearthrug, his head ducked, the
heavy frown hiding his eyes. There was a peculiar braced intensity about him
that made the elder woman afraid. Suddenly he jerked his head round to his
nephew.
“Get on wi’ your dinner,
lad,” he said, and he went to the door. The dogs, which had continually lain
down and got up again, uneasy, now rose and watched. The girl went after him,
saying, clearly:
“What did you want,
Dan?”
Her slim, quick figure
was gone, the door was closed behind her.
There was silence. The
mother, still more slave-like in her movement, sat down in a low chair. Berry
drank some beer.
“That girl will leave
him,” he said to himself. “She’ll hate him like poison. And serve him right.
Then she’ll go off with somebody else.”
And she did.
“Well, Mabel, and what are you going to do with
yourself?” asked Joe, with foolish flippancy. He felt quite safe himself.
Without listening for an answer, he turned aside, worked a grain of tobacco to
the tip of his tongue, and spat it out. He did not care about anything, since
he felt safe himself.
The three brothers and
the sister sat round the desolate breakfast table, attempting some sort of
desultory consultation. The morning’s post had given the final tap to the family
fortunes, and all was over. The dreary dining-room itself, with its heavy
mahogany furniture, looked as if it were waiting to be done away with.
But the consultation
amounted to nothing. There was a strange air of ineffectuality about the three
men, as they sprawled at table, smoking and reflecting vaguely on their own
condition. The girl was alone, a rather short, sullen-looking young woman of
twenty-seven. She did not share the same life as her brothers. She would have
been good-looking, save for the impassive fixity of her face, “bull-dog”, as
her brothers called it.
There was a confused
tramping of horses’ feet outside. The three men all sprawled round in their
chairs to watch. Beyond the dark holly-bushes that separated the strip of lawn
from the highroad, they could see a cavalcade of shire horses swinging out of
their own yard, being taken for exercise. This was the last time. These were
the last horses that would go through their hands. The young men watched with
critical, callous look. They were all frightened at the collapse of their
lives, and the sense of disaster in which they were involved left them no inner
freedom.
Yet they were three
fine, well-set fellows enough. Joe, the eldest, was a man of thirty-three,
broad and handsome in a hot, flushed way. His face was red, he twisted his
black moustache over a thick finger, his eyes were shallow and restless. He had
a sensual way of uncovering his teeth when he laughed, and his bearing was
stupid. Now he watched the horses with a glazed look of helplessness in his
eyes, a certain stupor of downfall.
The great draught-horses
swung past. They were tied head to tail, four of them, and they heaved along to
where a lane branched off from the highroad, planting their great hoofs
floutingly in the fine black mud, swinging their great rounded haunches
sumptuously, and trotting a few sudden steps as they were led into the lane,
round the corner. Every movement showed a massive, slumbrous strength, and a
stupidity which held them in subjection. The groom at the head looked back,
jerking the leading rope. And the calvalcade moved out of sight up the lane,
the tail of the last horse, bobbed up tight and stiff, held out taut from the
swinging great haunches as they rocked behind the hedges in a motionlike sleep.
Joe watched with glazed
hopeless eyes. The horses were almost like his own body to him. He felt he was
done for now. Luckily he was engaged to a woman as old as himself, and
therefore her father, who was steward of a neighbouring estate, would provide
him with a job. He would marry and go into harness. His life was over, he would
be a subject animal now.
He turned uneasily
aside, the retreating steps of the horses echoing in his ears. Then, with
foolish restlessness, he reached for the scraps of bacon-rind from the plates,
and making a faint whistling sound, flung them to the terrier that lay against
the fender. He watched the dog swallow them, and waited till the creature
looked into his eyes. Then a faint grin came on his face, and in a high,
foolish voice he said:
“You won’t get much more
bacon, shall you, you little b——?”
The dog faintly and
dismally wagged its tail, then lowered his haunches, circled round, and lay
down again.
There was another
helpless silence at the table. Joe sprawled uneasily in his seat, not willing
to go till the family conclave was dissolved. Fred Henry, the second brother,
was erect, clean-limbed, alert. He had watched the passing of the horses with
more sang-froid. If he was an animal, like Joe, he was an animal
which controls, not one which is controlled. He was master of any horse, and he
carried himself with a well-tempered air of mastery. But he was not master of
the situations of life. He pushed his coarse brown moustache upwards, off his
lip, and glanced irritably at his sister, who sat impassive and inscrutable.
“You’ll go and stop with
Lucy for a bit, shan’t you?” he asked. The girl did not answer.
“I don’t see what else
you can do,” persisted Fred Henry.
“Go as a skivvy,” Joe
interpolated laconically.
The girl did not move a
muscle.
“If I was her, I should
go in for training for a nurse,” said Malcolm, the youngest of them all. He was
the baby of the family, a young man of twenty-two, with a fresh, jaunty museau.
But Mabel did not take
any notice of him. They had talked at her and round her for so many years, that
she hardly heard them at all.
The marble clock on the
mantel-piece softly chimed the half-hour, the dog rose uneasily from the
hearthrug and looked at the party at the breakfast table. But still they sat on
in ineffectual conclave.
“Oh, all right,” said
Joe suddenly, à propos of nothing. “I’ll get a move on.”
He pushed back his
chair, straddled his knees with a downward jerk, to get them free, in horsy
fashion, and went to the fire. Still he did not go out of the room; he was
curious to know what the others would do or say. He began to charge his pipe,
looking down at the dog and saying, in a high, affected voice:
“Going wi’ me? Going wi’
me are ter? Tha’rt goin’ further than tha counts on just now, dost hear?”
The dog faintly wagged
its tail, the man stuck out his jaw and covered his pipe with his hands, and
puffed intently, losing himself in the tobacco, looking down all the while at
the dog with an absent brown eye. The dog looked up at him in mournful
distrust. Joe stood with his knees stuck out, in real horsy fashion.
“Have you had a letter
from Lucy?” Fred Henry asked of his sister.
“Last week,” came the
neutral reply.
“And what does she say?”
There was no answer.
“Does she ask you
to go and stop there?” persisted Fred Henry.
“She says I can if I
like.”
“Well, then, you’d
better. Tell her you’ll come on Monday.”
This was received in
silence.
“That’s what you’ll do
then, is it?” said Fred Henry, in some exasperation.
But she made no answer.
There was a silence of futility and irritation in the room. Malcolm grinned
fatuously.
“You’ll have to make up
your mind between now and next Wednesday,” said Joe loudly, “or else find
yourself lodgings on the kerbstone.”
The face of the young
woman darkened, but she sat on immutable.
“Here’s Jack Fergusson!”
exclaimed Malcolm, who was looking aimlessly out of the window.
“Where?” exclaimed Joe,
loudly.
“Just gone past.”
“Coming in?”
Malcolm craned his neck
to see the gate.
“Yes,” he said.
There was a silence.
Mabel sat on like one condemned, at the head of the table. Then a whistle was
heard from the kitchen. The dog got up and barked sharply. Joe opened the door
and shouted:
“Come on.”
After a moment a young
man entered. He was muffled up in overcoat and a purple woollen scarf, and his
tweed cap, which he did not remove, was pulled down on his head. He was of
medium height, his face was rather long and pale, his eyes looked tired.
“Hello, Jack! Well,
Jack!” exclaimed Malcolm and Joe. Fred Henry merely said, “Jack.”
“What’s doing?” asked
the newcomer, evidently addressing Fred Henry.
“Same. We’ve got to be
out by Wednesday.—Got a cold?”
“I have—got it bad,
too.”
“Why don’t you stop in?”
“Me stop in?
When I can’t stand on my legs, perhaps I shall have a chance.” The young man
spoke huskily. He had a slight Scotch accent.
“It’s a knock-out, isn’t
it,” said Joe, boisterously, “if a doctor goes round croaking with a cold.
Looks bad for the patients, doesn’t it?”
The young doctor looked
at him slowly.
“Anything the matter
with you, then?” he asked sarcastically.
“Not as I know of. Damn
your eyes, I hope not. Why?”
“I thought you were very
concerned about the patients, wondered if you might be one yourself.”
“Damn it, no, I’ve never
been patient to no flaming doctor, and hope I never shall be,” returned Joe.
At this point Mabel rose
from the table, and they all seemed to become aware of her existence. She began
putting the dishes together. The young doctor looked at her, but did not
address her. He had not greeted her. She went out of the room with the tray,
her face impassive and unchanged.
“When are you off then,
all of you?” asked the doctor.
“I’m catching the
eleven-forty,” replied Malcolm. “Are you goin’ down wi’ th’ trap, Joe?”
“Yes, I’ve told you I’m
going down wi’ th’ trap, haven’t I?”
“We’d better be getting
her in then.—So long, Jack, if I don’t see you before I go,” said Malcolm,
shaking hands.
He went out, followed by
Joe, who seemed to have his tail between his legs.
“Well, this is the
devil’s own,” exclaimed the doctor, when he was left alone with Fred Henry.
“Going before Wednesday, are you?”
“That’s the orders,”
replied the other.
“Where, to Northampton?”
“That’s it.”
“The devil!” exclaimed
Fergusson, with quiet chagrin.
And there was silence
between the two.
“All settled up, are
you?” asked Fergusson.
“About.”
There was another pause.
“Well, I shall miss yer,
Freddy, boy,” said the young doctor.
“And I shall miss thee,
Jack,” returned the other.
“Miss you like hell,”
mused the doctor.
Fred Henry turned aside.
There was nothing to say. Mabel came in again, to finish clearing the table.
“What are you going
to do, then, Miss Pervin?” asked Fergusson. “Going to your sister’s, are you?”
Mabel looked at him with
her steady, dangerous eyes, that always made him uncomfortable, unsettling his
superficial ease.
“No,” she said.
“Well, what in the name
of fortune are you going to do? Say what you mean to do,”
cried Fred Henry, with futile intensity.
But she only averted her
head, and continued her work. She folded the white table-cloth, and put on the
chenille cloth.
“The sulkiest bitch that
ever trod!” muttered her brother.
But she finished her
task with perfectly impassive face, the young doctor watching her interestedly
all the while. Then she went out.
Fred Henry stared after
her, clenching his lips, his blue eyes fixing in sharp antagonism, as he made a
grimace of sour exasperation.
“You could bray her into
bits, and that’s all you’d get out of her,” he said, in a small, narrowed tone.
The doctor smiled
faintly.
“What’s she going to
do, then?” he asked.
“Strike me if I know!”
returned the other.
There was a pause. Then
the doctor stirred.
“I’ll be seeing you
tonight, shall I?” he said to his friend.
“Ay—where’s it to be?
Are we going over to Jessdale?”
“I don’t know. I’ve got
such a cold on me. I’ll come round to the Moon and Stars, anyway.”
“Let Lizzie and May miss
their night for once, eh?”
“That’s it—if I feel as
I do now.”
“All’s one—”
The two young men went
through the passage and down to the back door together. The house was large,
but it was servantless now, and desolate. At the back was a small bricked
house-yard, and beyond that a big square, gravelled fine and red, and having
stables on two sides. Sloping, dank, winter-dark fields stretched away on the
open sides.
But the stables were
empty. Joseph Pervin, the father of the family, had been a man of no education,
who had become a fairly large horse dealer. The stables had been full of
horses, there was a great turmoil and come-and-go of horses and of dealers and
grooms. Then the kitchen was full of servants. But of late things had declined.
The old man had married a second time, to retrieve his fortunes. Now he was
dead and everything was gone to the dogs, there was nothing but debt and
threatening.
For months, Mabel had
been servantless in the big house, keeping the home together in penury for her
ineffectual brothers. She had kept house for ten years. But previously, it was
with unstinted means. Then, however brutal and coarse everything was, the sense
of money had kept her proud, confident. The men might be foul-mouthed, the
women in the kitchen might have bad reputations, her brothers might have
illegitimate children. But so long as there was money, the girl felt herself
established, and brutally proud, reserved.
No company came to the
house, save dealers and coarse men. Mabel had no associates of her own sex,
after her sister went away. But she did not mind. She went regularly to church,
she attended to her father. And she lived in the memory of her mother, who had
died when she was fourteen, and whom she had loved. She had loved her father,
too, in a different way, depending upon him, and feeling secure in him, until
at the age of fifty-four he married again. And then she had set hard against
him. Now he had died and left them all hopelessly in debt.
She had suffered badly
during the period of poverty. Nothing, however, could shake the curious sullen,
animal pride that dominated each member of the family. Now, for Mabel, the end
had come. Still she would not cast about her. She would follow her own way just
the same. She would always hold the keys of her own situation. Mindless and
persistent, she endured from day to day. Why should she think? Why should she
answer anybody? It was enough that this was the end, and there was no way out.
She need not pass any more darkly along the main street of the small town,
avoiding every eye. She need not demean herself any more, going into the shops
and buying the cheapest food. This was at an end. She thought of nobody, not
even of herself. Mindless and persistent, she seemed in a sort of ecstasy to be
coming nearer to her fulfilment, her own glorification, approaching her dead
mother, who was glorified.
In the afternoon she
took a little bag, with shears and sponge and a small scrubbing brush, and went
out. It was a grey, wintry day, with saddened, dark-green fields and an
atmosphere blackened by the smoke of foundries not far off. She went quickly,
darkly along the causeway, heeding nobody, through the town to the churchyard.
There she always felt secure,
as if no one could see her, although as a matter of fact she was exposed to the
stare of everyone who passed along under the churchyard wall. Nevertheless,
once under the shadow of the great looming church, among the graves, she felt
immune from the world, reserved within the thick churchyard wall as in another
country.
Carefully she clipped
the grass from the grave, and arranged the pinky-white, small chrysanthemums in
the tin cross. When this was done, she took an empty jar from a neighbouring
grave, brought water, and carefully, most scrupulously sponged the marble
headstone and the coping-stone.
It gave her sincere
satisfaction to do this. She felt in immediate contact with the world of her
mother. She took minute pains, went through the park in a state bordering on
pure happiness, as if in performing this task she came into a subtle, intimate
connexion with her mother. For the life she followed here in the world was far
less real than the world of death she inherited from her mother.
The doctor’s house was
just by the church. Fergusson, being a mere hired assistant, was slave to the
countryside. As he hurried now to attend to the outpatients in the surgery,
glancing across the graveyard with his quick eye, he saw the girl at her task
at the grave. She seemed so intent and remote, it was like looking into another
world. Some mystical element was touched in him. He slowed down as he walked,
watching her as if spell-bound.
She lifted her eyes,
feeling him looking. Their eyes met. And each looked again at once, each
feeling, in some way, found out by the other. He lifted his cap and passed on
down the road. There remained distinct in his consciousness, like a vision, the
memory of her face, lifted from the tombstone in the churchyard, and looking at
him with slow, large, portentous eyes. It was portentous, her
face. It seemed to mesmerise him. There was a heavy power in her eyes which
laid hold of his whole being, as if he had drunk some powerful drug. He had
been feeling weak and done before. Now the life came back into him, he felt
delivered from his own fretted, daily self.
He finished his duties
at the surgery as quickly as might be, hastily filling up the bottles of the
waiting people with cheap drugs. Then, in perpetual haste, he set off again to
visit several cases in another part of his round, before teatime. At all times
he preferred to walk, if he could, but particularly when he was not well. He
fancied the motion restored him.
The afternoon was
falling. It was grey, deadened, and wintry, with a slow, moist, heavy coldness
sinking in and deadening all the faculties. But why should he think or notice?
He hastily climbed the hill and turned across the dark-green fields, following
the black cinder-track. In the distance, across a shallow dip in the country,
the small town was clustered like smouldering ash, a tower, a spire, a heap of
low, raw, extinct houses. And on the nearest fringe of the town, sloping into
the dip, was Oldmeadow, the Pervins’ house. He could see the stables and the
outbuildings distinctly, as they lay towards him on the slope. Well, he would
not go there many more times! Another resource would be lost to him, another
place gone: the only company he cared for in the alien, ugly little town he was
losing. Nothing but work, drudgery, constant hastening from dwelling to
dwelling among the colliers and the iron-workers. It wore him out, but at the
same time he had a craving for it. It was a stimulant to him to be in the homes
of the working people, moving as it were through the innermost body of their
life. His nerves were excited and gratified. He could come so near, into the
very lives of the rough, inarticulate, powerfully emotional men and women. He
grumbled, he said he hated the hellish hole. But as a matter of fact it excited
him, the contact with the rough, strongly-feeling people was a stimulant
applied direct to his nerves.
Below Oldmeadow, in the
green, shallow, soddened hollow of fields, lay a square, deep pond. Roving
across the landscape, the doctor’s quick eye detected a figure in black passing
through the gate of the field, down towards the pond. He looked again. It would
be Mabel Pervin. His mind suddenly became alive and attentive.
Why was she going down
there? He pulled up on the path on the slope above, and stood staring. He could
just make sure of the small black figure moving in the hollow of the failing
day. He seemed to see her in the midst of such obscurity, that he was like a
clairvoyant, seeing rather with the mind’s eye than with ordinary sight. Yet he
could see her positively enough, whilst he kept his eye attentive. He felt, if
he looked away from her, in the thick, ugly falling dusk, he would lose her
altogether.
He followed her minutely
as she moved, direct and intent, like something transmitted rather than stirring
in voluntary activity, straight down the field towards the pond. There she
stood on the bank for a moment. She never raised her head. Then she waded
slowly into the water.
He stood motionless as
the small black figure walked slowly and deliberately towards the centre of the
pond, very slowly, gradually moving deeper into the motionless water, and still
moving forward as the water got up to her breast. Then he could see her no more
in the dusk of the dead afternoon.
“There!” he exclaimed.
“Would you believe it?”
And he hastened straight
down, running over the wet, soddened fields, pushing through the hedges, down
into the depression of callous wintry obscurity. It took him several minutes to
come to the pond. He stood on the bank, breathing heavily. He could see
nothing. His eyes seemed to penetrate the dead water. Yes, perhaps that was the
dark shadow of her black clothing beneath the surface of the water.
He slowly ventured into
the pond. The bottom was deep, soft clay, he sank in, and the water clasped
dead cold round his legs. As he stirred he could smell the cold, rotten clay
that fouled up into the water. It was objectionable in his lungs. Still,
repelled and yet not heeding, he moved deeper into the pond. The cold water
rose over his thighs, over his loins, upon his abdomen. The lower part of his
body was all sunk in the hideous cold element. And the bottom was so deeply
soft and uncertain, he was afraid of pitching with his mouth underneath. He
could not swim, and was afraid.
He crouched a little, spreading
his hands under the water and moving them round, trying to feel for her. The
dead cold pond swayed upon his chest. He moved again, a little deeper, and
again, with his hands underneath, he felt all around under the water. And he
touched her clothing. But it evaded his fingers. He made a desperate effort to
grasp it.
And so doing he lost his
balance and went under, horribly, suffocating in the foul earthy water,
struggling madly for a few moments. At last, after what seemed an eternity, he
got his footing, rose again into the air and looked around. He gasped, and knew
he was in the world. Then he looked at the water. She had risen near him. He
grasped her clothing, and drawing her nearer, turned to take his way to land
again.
He went very slowly, carefully,
absorbed in the slow progress. He rose higher, climbing out of the pond. The
water was now only about his legs; he was thankful, full of relief to be out of
the clutches of the pond. He lifted her and staggered on to the bank, out of
the horror of wet, grey clay.
He laid her down on the
bank. She was quite unconscious and running with water. He made the water come
from her mouth, he worked to restore her. He did not have to work very long
before he could feel the breathing begin again in her; she was breathing
naturally. He worked a little longer. He could feel her live beneath his hands;
she was coming back. He wiped her face, wrapped her in his overcoat, looked
round into the dim, dark-grey world, then lifted her and staggered down the
bank and across the fields.
It seemed an unthinkably
long way, and his burden so heavy he felt he would never get to the house. But
at last he was in the stable-yard, and then in the house-yard. He opened the
door and went into the house. In the kitchen he laid her down on the hearthrug,
and called. The house was empty. But the fire was burning in the grate.
Then again he kneeled to
attend to her. She was breathing regularly, her eyes were wide open and as if
conscious, but there seemed something missing in her look. She was conscious in
herself, but unconscious of her surroundings.
He ran upstairs, took
blankets from a bed, and put them before the fire to warm. Then he removed her
saturated, earthy-smelling clothing, rubbed her dry with a towel, and wrapped
her naked in the blankets. Then he went into the dining-room, to look for
spirits. There was a little whisky. He drank a gulp himself, and put some into
her mouth.
The effect was
instantaneous. She looked full into his face, as if she had been seeing him for
some time, and yet had only just become conscious of him.
“Dr. Fergusson?” she
said.
“What?” he answered.
He was divesting himself
of his coat, intending to find some dry clothing upstairs. He could not bear
the smell of the dead, clayey water, and he was mortally afraid for his own
health.
“What did I do?” she
asked.
“Walked into the pond,”
he replied. He had begun to shudder like one sick, and could hardly attend to
her. Her eyes remained full on him, he seemed to be going dark in his mind,
looking back at her helplessly. The shuddering became quieter in him, his life
came back in him, dark and unknowing, but strong again.
“Was I out of my mind?”
she asked, while her eyes were fixed on him all the time.
“Maybe, for the moment,”
he replied. He felt quiet, because his strength had come back. The strange
fretful strain had left him.
“Am I out of my mind
now?” she asked.
“Are you?” he reflected
a moment. “No,” he answered truthfully, “I don’t see that you are.” He turned
his face aside. He was afraid now, because he felt dazed, and felt dimly that
her power was stronger than his, in this issue. And she continued to look at
him fixedly all the time. “Can you tell me where I shall find some dry things
to put on?” he asked.
“Did you dive into the
pond for me?” she asked.
“No,” he answered. “I
walked in. But I went in overhead as well.”
There was silence for a
moment. He hesitated. He very much wanted to go upstairs to get into dry
clothing. But there was another desire in him. And she seemed to hold him. His
will seemed to have gone to sleep, and left him, standing there slack before
her. But he felt warm inside himself. He did not shudder at all, though his
clothes were sodden on him.
“Why did you?” she
asked.
“Because I didn’t want
you to do such a foolish thing,” he said.
“It wasn’t foolish,” she
said, still gazing at him as she lay on the floor, with a sofa cushion under
her head. “It was the right thing to do. I knew best, then.”
“I’ll go and shift these
wet things,” he said. But still he had not the power to move out of her
presence, until she sent him. It was as if she had the life of his body in her
hands, and he could not extricate himself. Or perhaps he did not want to.
Suddenly she sat up.
Then she became aware of her own immediate condition. She felt the blankets about
her, she knew her own limbs. For a moment it seemed as if her reason were
going. She looked round, with wild eye, as if seeking something. He stood still
with fear. She saw her clothing lying scattered.
“Who undressed me?” she
asked, her eyes resting full and inevitable on his face.
“I did,” he replied, “to
bring you round.”
For some moments she sat
and gazed at him awfully, her lips parted.
“Do you love me then?”
she asked.
He only stood and stared
at her, fascinated. His soul seemed to melt.
She shuffled forward on
her knees, and put her arms round him, round his legs, as he stood there,
pressing her breasts against his knees and thighs, clutching him with strange,
convulsive certainty, pressing his thighs against her, drawing him to her face,
her throat, as she looked up at him with flaring, humble eyes, of
transfiguration, triumphant in first possession.
“You love me,” she
murmured, in strange transport, yearning and triumphant and confident. “You
love me. I know you love me, I know.”
And she was passionately
kissing his knees, through the wet clothing, passionately and indiscriminately
kissing his knees, his legs, as if unaware of everything.
He looked down at the
tangled wet hair, the wild, bare, animal shoulders. He was amazed, bewildered,
and afraid. He had never thought of loving her. He had never wanted to love
her. When he rescued her and restored her, he was a doctor, and she was a
patient. He had had no single personal thought of her. Nay, this introduction
of the personal element was very distasteful to him, a violation of his
professional honour. It was horrible to have her there embracing his knees. It
was horrible. He revolted from it, violently. And yet—and yet—he had not the
power to break away.
She looked at him again,
with the same supplication of powerful love, and that same transcendent,
frightening light of triumph. In view of the delicate flame which seemed to
come from her face like a light, he was powerless. And yet he had never
intended to love her. He had never intended. And something stubborn in him
could not give way.
“You love me,” she
repeated, in a murmur of deep, rhapsodic assurance. “You love me.”
Her hands were drawing
him, drawing him down to her. He was afraid, even a little horrified. For he
had, really, no intention of loving her. Yet her hands were drawing him towards
her. He put out his hand quickly to steady himself, and grasped her bare
shoulder. A flame seemed to burn the hand that grasped her soft shoulder. He
had no intention of loving her: his whole will was against his yielding. It was
horrible. And yet wonderful was the touch of her shoulders, beautiful the
shining of her face. Was she perhaps mad? He had a horror of yielding to her.
Yet something in him ached also.
He had been staring away
at the door, away from her. But his hand remained on her shoulder. She had gone
suddenly very still. He looked down at her. Her eyes were now wide with fear,
with doubt, the light was dying from her face, a shadow of terrible greyness
was returning. He could not bear the touch of her eyes’ question upon him, and
the look of death behind the question.
With an inward groan he
gave way, and let his heart yield towards her. A sudden gentle smile came on
his face. And her eyes, which never left his face, slowly, slowly filled with
tears. He watched the strange water rise in her eyes, like some slow fountain
coming up. And his heart seemed to burn and melt away in his breast.
He could not bear to
look at her any more. He dropped on his knees and caught her head with his arms
and pressed her face against his throat. She was very still. His heart, which
seemed to have broken, was burning with a kind of agony in his breast. And he
felt her slow, hot tears wetting his throat. But he could not move.
He felt the hot tears
wet his neck and the hollows of his neck, and he remained motionless, suspended
through one of man’s eternities. Only now it had become indispensable to him to
have her face pressed close to him; he could never let her go again. He could
never let her head go away from the close clutch of his arm. He wanted to
remain like that for ever, with his heart hurting him in a pain that was also
life to him. Without knowing, he was looking down on her damp, soft brown hair.
Then, as it were
suddenly, he smelt the horrid stagnant smell of that water. And at the same
moment she drew away from him and looked at him. Her eyes were wistful and
unfathomable. He was afraid of them, and he fell to kissing her, not knowing
what he was doing. He wanted her eyes not to have that terrible, wistful,
unfathomable look.
When she turned her face
to him again, a faint delicate flush was glowing, and there was again dawning
that terrible shining of joy in her eyes, which really terrified him, and yet
which he now wanted to see, because he feared the look of doubt still more.
“You love me?” she said,
rather faltering.
“Yes.” The word cost him
a painful effort. Not because it wasn’t true. But because it was too newly
true, the saying seemed to tear open again his newly-torn
heart. And he hardly wanted it to be true, even now.
She lifted her face to
him, and he bent forward and kissed her on the mouth, gently, with the one kiss
that is an eternal pledge. And as he kissed her his heart strained again in his
breast. He never intended to love her. But now it was over. He had crossed over
the gulf to her, and all that he had left behind had shrivelled and become
void.
After the kiss, her eyes
again slowly filled with tears. She sat still, away from him, with her face
drooped aside, and her hands folded in her lap. The tears fell very slowly.
There was complete silence. He too sat there motionless and silent on the
hearthrug. The strange pain of his heart that was broken seemed to consume him.
That he should love her? That this was love! That he should be ripped open in
this way!—Him, a doctor!—How they would all jeer if they knew!—It was agony to
him to think they might know.
In the curious naked
pain of the thought he looked again to her. She was sitting there drooped into
a muse. He saw a tear fall, and his heart flared hot. He saw for the first time
that one of her shoulders was quite uncovered, one arm bare, he could see one
of her small breasts; dimly, because it had become almost dark in the room.
“Why are you crying?” he
asked, in an altered voice.
She looked up at him,
and behind her tears the consciousness of her situation for the first time
brought a dark look of shame to her eyes.
“I’m not crying,
really,” she said, watching him half frightened.
He reached his hand, and
softly closed it on her bare arm.
“I love you! I love
you!” he said in a soft, low vibrating voice, unlike himself.
She shrank, and dropped
her head. The soft, penetrating grip of his hand on her arm distressed her. She
looked up at him.
“I want to go,” she
said. “I want to go and get you some dry things.”
“Why?” he said. “I’m all
right.”
“But I want to go,” she
said. “And I want you to change your things.”
He released her arm, and
she wrapped herself in the blanket, looking at him rather frightened. And still
she did not rise.
“Kiss me,” she said
wistfully.
He kissed her, but
briefly, half in anger.
Then, after a second,
she rose nervously, all mixed up in the blanket. He watched her in her
confusion, as she tried to extricate herself and wrap herself up so that she
could walk. He watched her relentlessly, as she knew. And as she went, the
blanket trailing, and as he saw a glimpse of her feet and her white leg, he
tried to remember her as she was when he had wrapped her in the blanket. But
then he didn’t want to remember, because she had been nothing to him then, and
his nature revolted from remembering her as she was when she was nothing to
him.
A tumbling, muffled
noise from within the dark house startled him. Then he heard her voice:—“There
are clothes.” He rose and went to the foot of the stairs, and gathered up the
garments she had thrown down. Then he came back to the fire, to rub himself
down and dress. He grinned at his own appearance when he had finished.
The fire was sinking, so
he put on coal. The house was now quite dark, save for the light of a
street-lamp that shone in faintly from beyond the holly trees. He lit the gas
with matches he found on the mantel-piece. Then he emptied the pockets of his
own clothes, and threw all his wet things in a heap into the scullery. After
which he gathered up her sodden clothes, gently, and put them in a separate
heap on the copper-top in the scullery.
It was six o’clock on
the clock. His own watch had stopped. He ought to go back to the surgery. He
waited, and still she did not come down. So he went to the foot of the stairs
and called:
“I shall have to go.”
Almost immediately he
heard her coming down. She had on her best dress of black voile, and her hair
was tidy, but still damp. She looked at him—and in spite of herself, smiled.
“I don’t like you in
those clothes,” she said.
“Do I look a sight?” he
answered.
They were shy of one
another.
“I’ll make you some
tea,” she said.
“No, I must go.”
“Must you?” And she
looked at him again with the wide, strained, doubtful eyes. And again, from the
pain of his breast, he knew how he loved her. He went and bent to kiss her,
gently, passionately, with his heart’s painful kiss.
“And my hair smells so
horrible,” she murmured in distraction. “And I’m so awful, I’m so awful! Oh,
no, I’m too awful.” And she broke into bitter, heart-broken sobbing. “You can’t
want to love me, I’m horrible.”
“Don’t be silly, don’t
be silly,” he said, trying to comfort her, kissing her, holding her in his
arms. “I want you, I want to marry you, we’re going to be married, quickly,
quickly—tomorrow if I can.”
But she only sobbed
terribly, and cried:
“I feel awful. I feel
awful. I feel I’m horrible to you.”
“No, I want you, I want
you,” was all he answered, blindly, with that terrible intonation which
frightened her almost more than her horror lest he should not want
her.
Flame-lurid his face as he turned among the
throng of flame-lit and dark faces upon the platform. In the light of the
furnace she caught sight of his drifting countenance, like a piece of floating
fire. And the nostalgia, the doom of homecoming went through her veins like a
drug. His eternal face, flame-lit now! The pulse and darkness of red fire from
the furnace towers in the sky, lighting the desultory, industrial crowd on the
wayside station, lit him and went out.
Of course he did not see
her. Flame-lit and unseeing! Always the same, with his meeting eyebrows, his
common cap, and his red-and-black scarf knotted round his throat. Not even a
collar to meet her! The flames had sunk, there was shadow.
She opened the door of
her grimy, branch-line carriage, and began to get down her bags. The porter was
nowhere, of course, but there was Harry, obscure, on the outer edge of the
little crowd, missing her, of course.
“Here! Harry!” she
called, waving her umbrella in the twilight. He hurried forward.
“Tha’s come, has ter?”
he said, in a sort of cheerful welcome. She got down, rather flustered, and
gave him a peck of a kiss.
“Two suit-cases!” she
said.
Her soul groaned within
her, as he clambered into the carriage after her bags. Up shot the fire in the
twilight sky, from the great furnace behind the station. She felt the red flame
go across her face. She had come back, she had come back for good. And her
spirit groaned dismally. She doubted if she could bear it.
There, on the sordid
little station under the furnaces, she stood, tall and distinguished, in her
well-made coat and skirt and her broad grey velour hat. She held her umbrella,
her bead chatelaine, and a little leather case in her grey-gloved hands, while
Harry staggered out of the ugly little train with her bags.
“There’s a trunk at the
back,” she said in her bright voice. But she was not feeling bright. The twin
black cones of the iron foundry blasted their sky-high fires into the night.
The whole scene was lurid. The train waited cheerfully. It would wait another
ten minutes. She knew it. It was all so deadly familiar.
Let us confess it at
once. She was a lady’s maid, thirty years old, come back to marry her
first-love, a foundry worker: after having kept him dangling, off and on, for a
dozen years. Why had she come back? Did she love him? No. She didn’t pretend
to. She had loved her brilliant and ambitious cousin, who had jilted her, and
who had died. She had had other affairs which had come to nothing. So here she
was, come back suddenly to marry her first-love, who had waited—or remained
single—all these years.
“Won’t a porter carry
those?” she said, as Harry strode with his workman’s stride down the platform
towards the guard’s van.
“I can manage,” he said.
And with her umbrella,
her chatelaine, and her little leather case, she followed him.
The trunk was there.
“We’ll get Heather’s
greengrocer’s cart to fetch it up,” he said.
“Isn’t there a cab?”
said Fanny, knowing dismally enough that there wasn’t.
“I’ll just put it aside
o’ the penny-in-the-slot, and Heather’s greengrocers’ll fetch it about half
past eight,” he said.
He seized the box by its
two handles and staggered with it across the level-crossing, bumping his legs
against it as he waddled. Then he dropped it by the red sweet-meats machine.
“Will it be safe there?”
she said.
“Ay—safe as houses,” he
answered. He returned for the two bags. Thus laden, they started to plod up the
hill, under the great long black building of the foundry. She walked beside him—workman
of workmen he was, trudging with that luggage. The red lights flared over the
deepening darkness. From the foundry came the horrible, slow clang, clang,
clang of iron, a great noise, with an interval just long enough to make it
unendurable.
Compare this with the
arrival at Gloucester: the carriage for her mistress, the dog-cart for herself
with the luggage; the drive out past the river, the pleasant trees of the
carriage-approach; and herself sitting beside Arthur, everybody so polite to
her.
She had come home—for
good! Her heart nearly stopped beating as she trudged up that hideous and
interminable hill, beside the laden figure. What a come-down! What a come-down!
She could not take it with her usual bright cheerfulness. She knew it all too
well. It is easy to bear up against the unusual, but the deadly familiarity of
an old stale past!
He dumped the bags down
under a lamp-post, for a rest. There they stood, the two of them, in the
lamplight. Passers-by stared at her, and gave good-night to Harry. Her they
hardly knew, she had become a stranger.
“They’re too heavy for
you, let me carry one,” she said.
“They begin to weigh a
bit by the time you’ve gone a mile,” he answered.
“Let me carry the little
one,” she insisted.
“Tha can ha’e it for a
minute, if ter’s a mind,” he said, handing over the valise.
And thus they arrived in
the streets of shops of the little ugly town on top of the hill. How everybody
stared at her; my word, how they stared! And the cinema was just going in, and
the queues were tailing down the road to the corner. And everybody took full
stock of her. “Night, Harry!” shouted the fellows, in an interested voice.
However, they arrived at
her aunt’s—a little sweet-shop in a side street. They “pinged” the door-bell,
and her aunt came running forward out of the kitchen.
“There you are, child!
Dying for a cup of tea, I’m sure. How are you?”
Fanny’s aunt kissed her,
and it was all Fanny could do to refrain from bursting into tears, she felt so
low. Perhaps it was her tea she wanted.
“You’ve had a drag with
that luggage,” said Fanny’s aunt to Harry.
“Ay—I’m not sorry to put
it down,” he said, looking at his hand which was crushed and cramped by the bag
handle.
Then he departed to see
about Heather’s greengrocery cart.
When Fanny sat at tea,
her aunt, a grey-haired, fair-faced little woman, looked at her with an
admiring heart, feeling bitterly sore for her. For Fanny was beautiful: tall,
erect, finely coloured, with her delicately arched nose, her rich brown hair,
her large lustrous grey eyes. A passionate woman—a woman to be afraid of. So
proud, so inwardly violent! She came of a violent race.
It needed a woman to
sympathise with her. Men had not the courage. Poor Fanny! She was such a lady,
and so straight and magnificent. And yet everything seemed to do her down.
Every time she seemed to be doomed to humiliation and disappointment, this
handsome, brilliantly sensitive woman, with her nervous, overwrought laugh.
“So you’ve really come
back, child?” said her aunt.
“I really have, Aunt,”
said Fanny.
“Poor Harry! I’m not
sure, you know, Fanny, that you’re not taking a bit of an advantage of him.”
“Oh, Aunt, he’s waited
so long, he may as well have what he’s waited for.” Fanny laughed grimly.
“Yes, child, he’s waited
so long, that I’m not sure it isn’t a bit hard on him. You know, I like him,
Fanny—though as you know quite well, I don’t think he’s good enough for you.
And I think he thinks so himself, poor fellow.”
“Don’t you be so sure of
that, Aunt. Harry is common, but he’s not humble. He wouldn’t think the Queen
was any too good for him, if he’d a mind to her.”
“Well—It’s as well if he
has a proper opinion of himself.”
“It depends what you
call proper,” said Fanny. “But he’s got his good points—”
“Oh, he’s a nice fellow,
and I like him, I do like him. Only, as I tell you, he’s not good enough for
you.”
“I’ve made up my mind,
Aunt,” said Fanny, grimly.
“Yes,” mused the aunt.
“They say all things come to him who waits—”
“More than he’s
bargained for, eh, Aunt?” laughed Fanny rather bitterly.
The poor aunt, this
bitterness grieved her for her niece.
They were interrupted by
the ping of the shop-bell, and Harry’s call of “Right!” But as he did not come
in at once, Fanny, feeling solicitous for him presumably at the moment, rose
and went into the shop. She saw a cart outside, and went to the door.
And the moment she stood
in the doorway, she heard a woman’s common vituperative voice crying from the
darkness of the opposite side of the road:
“Tha’rt theer, ar ter?
I’ll shame thee, Mester. I’ll shame thee, see if I dunna.”
Startled, Fanny stared
across the darkness, and saw a woman in a black bonnet go under one of the
lamps up the side street.
Harry and Bill Heather
had dragged the trunk off the little dray, and she retreated before them as
they came up the shop step with it.
“Wheer shalt ha’e it?”
asked Harry.
“Best take it upstairs,”
said Fanny.
She went up first to
light the gas.
When Heather had gone,
and Harry was sitting down having tea and pork pie, Fanny asked:
“Who was that woman
shouting?”
“Nay, I canna tell thee.
To somebody, I’s’d think,” replied Harry. Fanny looked at him, but asked no
more.
He was a fair-haired
fellow of thirty-two, with a fair moustache. He was broad in his speech, and
looked like a foundry-hand, which he was. But women always liked him. There was
something of a mother’s lad about him—something warm and playful and really
sensitive.
He had his attractions
even for Fanny. What she rebelled against so bitterly was that he had no sort
of ambition. He was a moulder, but of very commonplace skill. He was thirty-two
years old, and hadn’t saved twenty pounds. She would have to provide the money
for the home. He didn’t care. He just didn’t care. He had no initiative at all.
He had no vices—no obvious ones. But he was just indifferent, spending as he
went, and not caring. Yet he did not look happy. She remembered his face in the
fire-glow: something haunted, abstracted about it. As he sat there eating his
pork pie, bulging his cheek out, she felt he was like a doom to her. And she
raged against the doom of him. It wasn’t that he was gross. His way was common,
almost on purpose. But he himself wasn’t really common. For instance, his food
was not particularly important to him, he was not greedy. He had a charm, too,
particularly for women, with his blondness and his sensitiveness and his way of
making a woman feel that she was a higher being. But Fanny knew him, knew the
peculiar obstinate limitedness of him, that would nearly send her mad.
He stayed till about
half past nine. She went to the door with him.
“When are you coming
up?” he said, jerking his head in the direction, presumably, of his own home.
“I’ll come tomorrow
afternoon,” she said brightly. Between Fanny and Mrs. Goodall, his mother,
there was naturally no love lost.
Again she gave him an
awkward little kiss, and said good-night.
“You can’t wonder, you
know, child, if he doesn’t seem so very keen,” said her aunt. “It’s your own
fault.”
“Oh, Aunt, I couldn’t
stand him when he was keen. I can do with him a lot better as he is.”
The two women sat and
talked far into the night. They understood each other. The aunt, too, had
married as Fanny was marrying: a man who was no companion to her, a violent
man, brother of Fanny’s father. He was dead, Fanny’s father was dead.
Poor Aunt Lizzie, she cried
woefully over her bright niece, when she had gone to bed.
Fanny paid the promised
visit to his people the next afternoon. Mrs. Goodall was a large woman with
smooth-parted hair, a common, obstinate woman, who had spoiled her four lads
and her one vixen of a married daughter. She was one of those old-fashioned
powerful natures that couldn’t do with looks or education or any form of
showing off. She fairly hated the sound of correct English. She thee’d and tha’d her
prospective daughter-in-law, and said:
“I’m none as ormin’ as I
look, seest ta.”
Fanny did not think her
prospective mother-in-law looked at all orming, so the speech was unnecessary.
“I towd him mysen,” said
Mrs. Goodall, “’Er’s held back all this long, let ’er stop as ’er is. ’E’d none
ha’ had thee for my tellin’—tha hears. No, ’e’s a fool, an’ I
know it. I says to him, ‘Tha looks a man, doesn’t ter, at thy age, goin’ an’
openin’ to her when ter hears her scrat’ at th’ gate, after she’s done
gallivantin’ round wherever she’d a mind. That looks rare an’ soft.’ But it’s
no use o’ any talking: he answered that letter o’ thine and made his own bad
bargain.”
But in spite of the old
woman’s anger, she was also flattered at Fanny’s coming back to Harry. For Mrs.
Goodall was impressed by Fanny—a woman of her own match. And more than this,
everybody knew that Fanny’s Aunt Kate had left her two hundred pounds: this
apart from the girl’s savings.
So there was high tea in
Princes Street when Harry came home black from work, and a rather acrid odour
of cordiality, the vixen Jinny darting in to say vulgar things. Of course Jinny
lived in a house whose garden end joined the paternal garden. They were a clan
who stuck together, these Goodalls.
It was arranged that
Fanny should come to tea again on the Sunday, and the wedding was discussed. It
should take place in a fortnight’s time at Morley Chapel. Morley was a hamlet
on the edge of the real country, and in its little Congregational Chapel Fanny
and Harry had first met.
What a creature of habit
he was! He was still in the choir of Morley Chapel—not very regular. He
belonged just because he had a tenor voice, and enjoyed singing. Indeed his
solos were only spoilt to local fame because when he sang he handled his
aitches so hopelessly.
“And I saw ’eaven hopened
And be’old, a wite ’orse——”
This was one of Harry’s
classics, only surpassed by the fine outburst of his heaving:
“Hangels—hever bright an’ fair——”
It was a pity, but it
was inalterable. He had a good voice, and he sang with a certain lacerating
fire, but his pronunciation made it all funny. And nothing could alter him.
So he was never heard
save at cheap concerts and in the little, poorer chapels. The others scoffed.
Now the month was
September, and Sunday was Harvest Festival at Morley Chapel, and Harry was
singing solos. So that Fanny was to go to afternoon service, and come home to a
grand spread of Sunday tea with him. Poor Fanny! One of the most wonderful
afternoons had been a Sunday afternoon service, with her cousin Luther at her
side, Harvest Festival in Morley Chapel. Harry had sung solos then—ten years
ago. She remembered his pale blue tie, and the purple asters and the great
vegetable marrows in which he was framed, and her cousin Luther at her side,
young, clever, come down from London, where he was getting on well, learning
his Latin and his French and German so brilliantly.
However, once again it
was Harvest Festival at Morley Chapel, and once again, as ten years before, a
soft, exquisite September day, with the last roses pink in the cottage gardens,
the last dahlias crimson, the last sunflowers yellow. And again the little old
chapel was a bower, with its famous sheaves of corn and corn-plaited pillars,
its great bunches of grapes, dangling like tassels from the pulpit corners, its
marrows and potatoes and pears and apples and damsons, its purple asters and
yellow Japanese sunflowers. Just as before, the red dahlias round the pillars
were dropping, weak-headed among the oats. The place was crowded and hot, the
plates of tomatoes seemed balanced perilously on the gallery front, the Rev.
Enderby was weirder than ever to look at, so long and emaciated and hairless.
The Rev. Enderby,
probably forewarned, came and shook hands with her and welcomed her, in his
broad northern, melancholy singsong before he mounted the pulpit. Fanny was
handsome in a gauzy dress and a beautiful lace hat. Being a little late, she
sat in a chair in the side-aisle wedged in, right in front of the chapel. Harry
was in the gallery above, and she could only see him from the eyes upwards. She
noticed again how his eyebrows met, blond and not very marked, over his nose.
He was attractive too: physically lovable, very. If only—if only her pride had
not suffered! She felt he dragged her down.
“Come, ye thankful people come,
Raise the song of harvest-home.
All is safely gathered in
Ere the winter storms begin——”
Even the hymn was a
falsehood, as the season had been wet, and half the crops were still out, and
in a poor way.
Poor Fanny! She sang
little, and looked beautiful through that inappropriate hymn. Above her stood
Harry—mercifully in a dark suit and dark tie, looking almost handsome. And his
lacerating, pure tenor sounded well, when the words were drowned in the general
commotion. Brilliant she looked, and brilliant she felt, for she was hot and
angrily miserable and inflamed with a sort of fatal despair. Because there was
about him a physical attraction which she really hated, but which she could not
escape from. He was the first man who had ever kissed her. And his kisses, even
while she rebelled from them, had lived in her blood and sent roots down into
her soul. After all this time she had come back to them. And her soul groaned,
for she felt dragged down, dragged down to earth, as a bird which some dog has
got down in the dust. She knew her life would be unhappy. She knew that what
she was doing was fatal. Yet it was her doom. She had to come back to him.
He had to sing two solos
this afternoon: one before the “address” from the pulpit and one after. Fanny
looked at him, and wondered he was not too shy to stand up there in front of
all the people. But no, he was not shy. He had even a kind of assurance on his
face as he looked down from the choir gallery at her: the assurance of a common
man deliberately entrenched in his commonness. Oh, such a rage went through her
veins as she saw the air of triumph, laconic, indifferent triumph which sat so
obstinately and recklessly on his eyelids as he looked down at her. Ah, she
despised him! But there he stood up in that choir gallery like Balaam’s ass in
front of her, and she could not get beyond him. A certain winsomeness also
about him. A certain physical winsomeness, and as if his flesh were new and
lovely to touch. The thorn of desire rankled bitterly in her heart.
He, it goes without saying,
sang like a canary this particular afternoon, with a certain defiant passion
which pleasantly crisped the blood of the congregation. Fanny felt the crisp
flames go through her veins as she listened. Even the curious loud-mouthed
vernacular had a certain fascination. But, oh, also, it was so repugnant. He
would triumph over her, obstinately he would drag her right back into the
common people: a doom, a vulgar doom.
The second performance
was an anthem, in which Harry sang the solo parts. It was clumsy, but
beautiful, with lovely words.
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy,
He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him—”
“Shall doubtless come,
Shall doubtless come—” softly intoned the altos—“Bringing his she-e-eaves with
him,” the trebles flourished brightly, and then again began the half-wistful
solo:
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy—”
Yes, it was effective
and moving.
But at the moment when
Harry’s voice sank carelessly down to his close, and the choir, standing behind
him, were opening their mouths for the final triumphant outburst, a shouting
female voice rose up from the body of the congregation. The organ gave one
startled trump, and went silent; the choir stood transfixed.
“You look well standing
there, singing in God’s holy house,” came the loud, angry female shout.
Everybody turned electrified. A stoutish, red-faced woman in a black bonnet was
standing up denouncing the soloist. Almost fainting with shock, the
congregation realised it. “You look well, don’t you, standing there singing
solos in God’s holy house, you, Goodall. But I said I’d shame you. You look
well, bringing your young woman here with you, don’t you? I’ll let her know who
she’s dealing with. A scamp as won’t take the consequences of what he’s done.”
The hard-faced, frenzied woman turned in the direction of Fanny. “That’s what
Harry Goodall is, if you want to know.”
And she sat down again
in her seat. Fanny, startled like all the rest, had turned to look. She had
gone white, and then a burning red, under the attack. She knew the woman: a
Mrs. Nixon, a devil of a woman, who beat her pathetic, drunken, red-nosed
second husband, Bob, and her two lanky daughters, grown-up as they were. A
notorious character. Fanny turned round again, and sat motionless as eternity
in her seat.
There was a minute of
perfect silence and suspense. The audience was open-mouthed and dumb; the choir
stood like Lot’s wife; and Harry, with his music-sheet, stood there uplifted,
looking down with a dumb sort of indifference on Mrs. Nixon, his face naïve and
faintly mocking. Mrs. Nixon sat defiant in her seat, braving them all.
Then a rustle, like a
wood when the wind suddenly catches the leaves. And then the tall, weird minister
got to his feet, and in his strong, bell-like, beautiful voice—the only
beautiful thing about him—he said with infinite mournful pathos:
“Let us unite in singing
the last hymn on the hymn-sheet; the last hymn on the hymn-sheet, number
eleven.
‘Fair waved the golden corn,
In Canaan’s pleasant land.’”
The organ tuned up
promptly. During the hymn the offertory was taken. And after the hymn, the
prayer.
Mr. Enderby came from
Northumberland. Like Harry, he had never been able to conquer his accent, which
was very broad. He was a little simple, one of God’s fools, perhaps, an odd
bachelor soul, emotional, ugly, but very gentle.
“And if, O our dear
Lord, beloved Jesus, there should fall a shadow of sin upon our harvest, we
leave it to Thee to judge, for Thou art judge. We lift our spirits and our
sorrow, Jesus, to Thee, and our mouths are dumb. O, Lord, keep us from forward
speech, restrain us from foolish words and thoughts, we pray Thee, Lord Jesus,
who knowest all and judgest all.”
Thus the minister said in
his sad, resonant voice, washed his hands before the Lord. Fanny bent forward
open-eyed during the prayer. She could see the roundish head of Harry, also
bent forward. His face was inscrutable and expressionless. The shock left her
bewildered. Anger perhaps was her dominating emotion.
The audience began to
rustle to its feet, to ooze slowly and excitedly out of the chapel, looking
with wildly-interested eyes at Fanny, at Mrs. Nixon, and at Harry. Mrs. Nixon,
shortish, stood defiant in her pew, facing the aisle, as if announcing that,
without rolling her sleeves up, she was ready for anybody. Fanny sat quite
still. Luckily the people did not have to pass her. And Harry, with red ears,
was making his way sheepishly out of the gallery. The loud noise of the organ
covered all the downstairs commotion of exit.
The minister sat silent
and inscrutable in his pulpit, rather like a death’s-head, while the
congregation filed out. When the last lingerers had unwillingly departed,
craning their necks to stare at the still seated Fanny, he rose, stalked in his
hooked fashion down the little country chapel and fastened the door. Then he
returned and sat down by the silent young woman.
“This is most
unfortunate, most unfortunate!” he moaned. “I am so sorry, I am so sorry, indeed,
indeed, ah, indeed!” he sighed himself to a close.
“It’s a sudden surprise,
that’s one thing,” said Fanny brightly.
“Yes—yes—indeed. Yes, a
surprise, yes. I don’t know the woman, I don’t know her.”
“I know her,” said
Fanny. “She’s a bad one.”
“Well! Well!” said the
minister. “I don’t know her. I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all. But
it is to be regretted, it is very much to be regretted. I am very sorry.”
Fanny was watching the
vestry door. The gallery stairs communicated with the vestry, not with the body
of the chapel. She knew the choir members had been peeping for information.
At last Harry
came—rather sheepishly—with his hat in his hand.
“Well!” said Fanny,
rising to her feet.
“We’ve had a bit of an
extra,” said Harry.
“I should think so,”
said Fanny.
“A most unfortunate
circumstance—a most unfortunate circumstance. Do you
understand it, Harry? I don’t understand it at all.”
“Ah, I understand it.
The daughter’s goin’ to have a childt, an’ ’er lays it on to me.”
“And has she no occasion
to?” asked Fanny, rather censorious.
“It’s no more mine than
it is some other chap’s,” said Harry, looking aside.
There was a moment of
pause.
“Which girl is it?”
asked Fanny.
“Annie—the young one—”
There followed another
silence.
“I don’t think I know them,
do I?” asked the minister.
“I shouldn’t think so.
Their name’s Nixon—mother married old Bob for her second husband. She’s a
tanger—’s driven the gel to what she is. They live in Manners Road.”
“Why, what’s amiss with
the girl?” asked Fanny sharply. “She was all right when I knew her.”
“Ay—she’s all right. But
she’s always in an’ out o’ th’ pubs, wi’ th’ fellows,” said Harry.
“A nice thing!” said
Fanny.
Harry glanced towards
the door. He wanted to get out.
“Most distressing,
indeed!” The minister slowly shook his head.
“What about tonight, Mr.
Enderby?” asked Harry, in rather a small voice. “Shall you want me?”
Mr. Enderby looked up
painedly, and put his hand to his brow. He studied Harry for some time,
vacantly. There was the faintest sort of a resemblance between the two men.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, I
think. I think we must take no notice, and cause as little remark as possible.”
Fanny hesitated. Then
she said to Harry.
“But will you
come?”
He looked at her.
“Ay, I s’ll come,” he
said.
Then he turned to Mr.
Enderby.
“Well, good-afternoon,
Mr. Enderby,” he said.
“Good-afternoon, Harry,
good-afternoon,” replied the mournful minister. Fanny followed Harry to the
door, and for some time they walked in silence through the late afternoon.
“And it’s yours as much as
anybody else’s?” she said.
“Ay,” he answered
shortly.
And they went without
another word, for the long mile or so, till they came to the corner of the
street where Harry lived. Fanny hesitated. Should she go on to her aunt’s?
Should she? It would mean leaving all this, for ever. Harry stood silent.
Some obstinacy made her
turn with him along the road to his own home. When they entered the
house-place, the whole family was there, mother and father and Jinny, with
Jinny’s husband and children and Harry’s two brothers.
“You’ve been having
yours ears warmed, they tell me,” said Mrs. Goodall grimly.
“Who telled thee?” asked
Harry shortly.
“Maggie and Luke’s both
been in.”
“You look well, don’t
you!” said interfering Jinny.
Harry went and hung his
hat up, without replying.
“Come upstairs and take
your hat off,” said Mrs. Goodall to Fanny, almost kindly. It would have annoyed
her very much if Fanny had dropped her son at this moment.
“What’s ’er say, then?”
asked the father secretly of Harry, jerking his head in the direction of the
stairs whence Fanny had disappeared.
“Nowt yet,” said Harry.
“Serve you right if she
chucks you now,” said Jinny. “I’ll bet it’s right about Annie Nixon an’ you.”
“Tha bets so much,” said
Harry.
“Yi—but you can’t deny
it,” said Jinny.
“I can if I’ve a mind.”
His father looked at him
inquiringly.
“It’s no more mine than
it is Bill Bower’s, or Ted Slaney’s, or six or seven on ’em,” said Harry to his
father.
And the father nodded
silently.
“That’ll not get you out
of it, in court,” said Jinny.
Upstairs Fanny evaded
all the thrusts made by his mother, and did not declare her hand. She tidied
her hair, washed her hands, and put the tiniest bit of powder on her face, for
coolness, there in front of Mrs. Goodall’s indignant gaze. It was like a declaration
of independence. But the old woman said nothing.
They came down to Sunday
tea, with sardines and tinned salmon and tinned peaches, besides tarts and
cakes. The chatter was general. It concerned the Nixon family and the scandal.
“Oh, she’s a foul-mouthed
woman,” said Jinny of Mrs. Nixon. “She may well talk about God’s holy
house, she had. It’s first time she’s set foot in it, ever
since she dropped off from being converted. She’s a devil and she always was
one. Can’t you remember how she treated Bob’s children, mother, when we lived
down in the Buildings? I can remember when I was a little girl she used to
bathe them in the yard, in the cold, so that they shouldn’t splash the house.
She’d half kill them if they made a mark on the floor, and the language she’d
use! And one Saturday I can remember Garry, that was Bob’s own girl, she ran
off when her stepmother was going to bathe her—ran off without a rag of clothes
on—can you remember, mother? And she hid in Smedley’s closes—it was the time of
mowing-grass—and nobody could find her. She hid out there all night, didn’t
she, mother? Nobody could find her. My word, there was a talk. They found her
on Sunday morning—”
“Fred Coutts threatened
to break every bone in the woman’s body, if she touched the children again,”
put in the father.
“Anyhow, they frightened
her,” said Jinny. “But she was nearly as bad with her own two. And anybody can
see that she’s driven old Bob till he’s gone soft.”
“Ah, soft as mush,” said
Jack Goodall. “’E’d never addle a week’s wage, nor yet a day’s if th’ chaps
didn’t make it up to him.”
“My word, if he didn’t
bring her a week’s wage, she’d pull his head off,” said Jinny.
“But a clean woman, and
respectable, except for her foul mouth,” said Mrs. Goodall. “Keeps to herself
like a bull-dog. Never lets anybody come near the house, and neighbours with
nobody.”
“Wanted it thrashed out
of her,” said Mr. Goodall, a silent, evasive sort of man.
“Where Bob gets the
money for his drink from is a mystery,” said Jinny.
“Chaps treats him,” said
Harry.
“Well, he’s got the pair
of frightenedest rabbit-eyes you’d wish to see,” said Jinny.
“Ay, with a drunken
man’s murder in them, I think,” said Mrs. Goodall.
So the talk went on
after tea, till it was practically time to start off to chapel again.
“You’ll have to be
getting ready, Fanny,” said Mrs. Goodall.
“I’m not going tonight,”
said Fanny abruptly. And there was a sudden halt in the family. “I’ll stop
with you tonight, Mother,” she added.
“Best you had, my gel,”
said Mrs. Goodall, flattered and assured.
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