The Old House and Other Tales
by Feodor
Sologub
TRANSLATION FROM THE RUSSIAN BY JOHN
COURNOS
SECOND IMPRESSION, LONDON, MARTIN SECKER, NUMBER FIVE JOHN STREET, ADELPHI 1916
Contents:
1.Introduction 2.The Old House 3.The Uniter of Souls 4.The Invoker of the Beast 5.The White Dog 6.Light and Shadows 7.The Glimmer of Hunger 8.Hide and Seek 9.The Smile
10.The Hoop 11.The Search 12.The White Mother
1.INTRODUCTION
“Sologub” is a pseudonym—the
author’s real name is Feodor Kuzmich Teternikov. He was born in 1863. He
completed a scholastic course at Petrograd. His first published story appeared
in the periodical “Severny Viestnik” in 1894, but it was not until about a
dozen years later that he came into his fame, which he has since then further
enhanced.
This is all the biographical
knowledge we have of a living novelist whose place in Russian literature is
secure beyond all question; the scantiness of our knowledge is all the more
amazing when we consider that the author is over fifty, and that his complete
works are in their twentieth volume.
These include almost every
possible form of literary expression—the fairy tale, the poem, the play, the
essay, the novel, and the short story. Sologub’s place as a poet is hardly less
assured than his place as a novelist.
How little importance
Sologub attaches to personal réclame may be gathered from his answer to repeated
requests for a nutshell “autobiography” a type of document in vogue in Russia;
Maxim Gorky’s impressive model, I believe, is quite familiar to English readers.
“I cannot give you my
autobiography,” Sologub wrote to the editor of a literary almanac, “as I do not
think that my personality can be of sufficient interest to any one. And I
haven’t the time to waste on such unnecessary business as an autobiography.”
At the beginning of his
Complete Works, however, there is a poem in prose, a kind of spiritual autobiography
in which he insists that all life is a miracle, and that his own surely is
also. “I simply and calmly reveal my soul ... in the hope that the intimate
part of me shall become the universal.” After such an avowal the reader will
know where to look for the author’s personality.
In studying his work, one
finds that he has both realism and fantasy. But while he is sometimes wholly
realistic, he is seldom wholly fantastic. His fantasy has always its
foundations in reality. His realism is as grey as that of Chekhov, whose
logical successor he has been acclaimed by Russian criticism. But it is his
prodigious fantasy that makes the point of his departure from the Chekhovian
formula. When he combines the two qualities, the strange reconciliation thus
effected produces a result as original as it is rich in “the meaning of life.”
Sologub himself says somewhere:
“I take a piece of life,
coarse and poor, and make of it a delightful legend.”
This sentence establishes
the distinction between the two writers. Life for Chekhov may contain its
delightful characters, life itself is seldom a delightful legend.
Actually, Sologub sees life
more greyly than Chekhov; perhaps it is this sense of grief “too great to be
borne” that compels him to grope for an outlet, for some kind of relief.
Already in his earliest novel one of the characters gives utterance to the
significant words:
“Once you prove that life
has no meaning, life becomes impossible.”
This relief is to be found
within oneself in the “inner life”; that is in the imagination, “imagination
the great consoler” as Renan has said. Imagination is everything; it is,
indeed, the invoker of all beauty; and admiration of beauty is the one escape
out of life. The author, “with whatever words he can find, speaks of one thing.
Patiently calls towards the one thing....” Writing of the sadness of life, he
envelops this sadness in the beauty evoked by his imagination as in a flame,
and withers it up. One finds him rejoicing that there is a life other than
“this ordinary, coarse, tedious, sunlight life,” that there is a life that is
“nocturnal, prodigious, resembling a fairy tale.”
It may sound like a
startling antinomy to say that at his happiest Sologub is a compound of Chekhov
and Poe. It could be put in another way: if Poe were a Russian, he might have
written as Sologub writes. This is to say that the mystery with which Sologub
endows his tales is never there for its own sake, but as a most intense symbol
of reality.
Consider a story like “The
Invoker of the Beast.” As a story of reincarnation it is a masterpiece of
mystery. The reader, anxious for a good tale merely, may let the matter rest
there. But can he? Can he listen to Gurov, who, while living through, in his
delirium, his previous existence, is so insistent about the “invincibility of
his walls”—and yet remain unmoved to the deep meaning of Gurov’s cry? Are not
the seemingly imperishable walls, within which Gurov thought himself secure
from the Beast, a symbol of our own subtle insecurity? Is not our own Beast—be
it some unexpected latent circumstance, or some unlooked-for yet inevitable
consequence of a past action, on the part of our ancestors or of
ourselves—ready to pounce upon us and ravage our hearts, after a long and
relentless pursuit, from which in the end there is no escape?
Again, to one who has read
most of Sologub’s productions, the story of the Beast is interesting, because
it contains, as it were, a synthesis of the author’s tendencies. Its separate
motifs are repeated in variation in many of his other stories. There is the boy
Timarides, whom the author loves. Why?
Because Timarides is a
child, because he is beautiful, trustful, and ready to do daring deeds.
Timarides perhaps stands for the young generation reproaching the old for its
neglect, its forgetfulness of its promises, its settling in a groove, its
stripping itself of its happiest illusions.
And throughout his work,
Sologub reiterates his affection for children and the childlike. When he loves
or pities an older person, he endows him with childlike attributes. He does
this in the little story, “The Hoop.” Does the old man seem absurd to us? If
so, it is to be inferred that the fault is with ourselves. We have grown too
sophisticated.
Here, again, Chekhov and
Sologub meet. Chekhov loves the unpractical people, because they are usually
more lovable personalities than the successful, practical ones; Sologub loves
the absurd, the childlike, the quixotic, for the same reason.
Rather than have them grow
up and therefore become unlovable, Sologub makes some of his children die
young. There is, for example, in one of his stories, sweet Rayechka, who died
in a fall, and upon whom the boy, Mitya, recalling her, muses in this fashion:
“Had Rayechka lived to grow up, she might have become a housemaid like Darya,
pomaded her hair, and squinted her cunning eyes.”
In “The Old House” it is the
children once more who are the revolutionaries—trustful, adorable, and daring.
In “The White Mother” the bachelor, Saksaoolov, is redeemed through the boy,
Lesha, who resembles his dead sweetheart.
Schoolmasters and
schoolchildren are among the characters who frequent the pages of Sologub’s
books. Sologub, it should be remembered, began life as a schoolmaster. The
story “Light and Shadows” is, perhaps, a reflection upon our educational system
which crams the young mind with a multitude of useless facts and starves the
imagination; we see the reaction of the system on the delicate organism of a
sensitive and imaginative child.
Mothers share the author’s
affection for their children; but, like schoolmasters, mothers, unfortunately,
are of two kinds. The world has its “black mammas” as well as its “white
mammas.”
There are few writers who
are so subtle, so insinuating, and so seductive, in their power to make the
reader think; few writers who give so great a stimulus to the imagination.
With Chekhov, Russian
fiction turns definitely to town life for its material; nevertheless, the
changes which the modern industrial system has brought about have in no wise
weakened the mystic force of Russian literature. Sologub is a mystic, a mystic
of Russian tradition; and Sologub is a product of Petrograd.
JOHN
COURNOS
2.THE OLD HOUSE[1]
I
It was an old, large, one-storied
house, with a mezzanine. It stood in a village, eleven versts from a railway
station, and about fifty versts from the district town. The garden which
surrounded the house seemed lost in drowsiness, while beyond it stretched
vistas and vistas of inexpressibly dull, infinitely depressing fields.
Once this house had been
painted lavender, but now it was faded. Its roof, once red, had turned dark
brown. But the pillars of the terrace were still quite strong, the little
arbours in the garden were intact, and there was an Aphrodite in the shrubbery.
It seemed as if the old
house were full of memories. It stood, as it were, dreaming, recalling, lapsing
finally into a mood of sorrow at the overwhelming flood of doleful memories.
Everything in this house was
as before, as in those days when the whole family lived there together in the
summer, when Borya was yet alive.
Now, in the old manor, lived
only women: Borya’s grandmother, Elena Kirillovna Vodolenskaya; Borya’s mother,
Sofia Alexandrovna Ozoreva; and Borya’s sister, Natalya Vasilyevna. The old
grandmother, and the mother, and the young girl appeared tranquil, and at times
even cheerful. It was the second year of their awaiting in the old house the
youngest of the family, Boris. Boris who was no longer among the living.
They hardly spoke of him to
one another; yet their thoughts, their memories, and their musings of him
filled their days. At times dark threads of grief stole in among the even woof
of these thoughts and reveries; and tears fell bitterly and ceaselessly.
When the midday sun rested
overhead, when the sad moon beckoned, when the rosy dawn blew its cool breezes,
when the evening sun blazed its red laughter—these were the four points between
which their spirits fluctuated from evening joy to high midday sorrow. Swayed
involuntarily, all three of them felt the sympathy and antipathy of the hours,
each mood in turn.
The happiness of dawn, the
bright, midday sadness, the joy of dusk, the pale pining of night. The four
emotions lifted them infinitely higher than the rope upon which Borya had
swung, upon which Borya had died.
[1] In
collaboration with Anastasya Chebotarevskaya.
II
At pale-rose dawn, when the
merrily green, harmoniously white birches bend their wet branches before the
windows, just beyond the little patch of sand by the round flower-bed; at
pale-rose dawn—when a fresh breeze comes blowing from the bathing pond—then
wakes Natasha, the first of the three.
What a joy it is to wake at
dawn! To throw aside the cool cover of muslin, to rest upon the elbow, upon
one’s side, and to look out of the window with large, dark, sad eyes.
Out of the window the sky is
visible, seeming quite low over the white distant birches. A pale vermilion
sunrise brightly suffuses its soft fire through the thin mist which stretches
over the earth. There is in its quiet, gently joyous flame a great tension of
young fears and of half-conscious desires; what tension, what happiness, and
what sadness! It smiles through the dew of sweet morning tears, over white
lilies-of-the-valley, over the blue violets of the broad fields.
Wherefore tears! To what end
the grief of night!
There, close to the window,
hangs a sprig of sweet-flag, banishing all evil. It was put there by the
grandmother, and the old nurse insists on its staying there. It trembles in the
air, the sprig of sweet-flag, and smiles its dry green smile.
Natasha’s face lapses into a
quiet, rosy serenity.
The earth awakes in its fresh
morning vigour. The voices of newly-roused life reach Natasha. Here the
restless twitter of birds comes from among the swaying damp branches. There in
the distance can be heard the prolonged trill of a horn. Elsewhere, quite near,
on the path by the window, there are sounds of something walking with a heavy,
stamping tread. The cheerful neighing of a foal is heard, and from another
quarter the protracted lowing of sullen cows.
III
Natasha rises, smiles at
something, and goes quickly to the window. Her window looks down upon the earth
from a height. It is in three sections, in the mezzanine. Natasha does not draw
the curtains across it at night, so as not to hide from her drowsing eyes the
comforting glimmer of the stars and the witching face of the moon.
What happiness it is to open
the window, to fling it wide open with a vigorous thrust of the hand! From the
direction of the river the gentlest of morning breezes comes blowing into
Natasha’s face, still somewhat rapt in sleep. Beyond the garden and the hedges
she can see the broad fields beloved from childhood. Spread over them are
sloping hillocks, rows of ploughed soil, green groves, and clusters of
shrubbery.
The river winds its way
among the green, full of capricious turnings. White tufts of mist, dispersing
gradually, hang over it like fragments of a torn veil. The stream, visible in
places, is more often hidden by some projection of its low bank, but in the far
distance its path is marked by dense masses of willow-herb, which stand out
dark green against the bright grass.
Natasha
washed herself quickly; it was pleasant to feel the cold water upon her
shoulders and upon her neck. Then, childlike, she prayed diligently before the
ikon in the dark corner, her knees not upon the rug but upon the bare floor, in
the hope that it might please God.
She repeated her daily
prayer:
“Perform a miracle, O Lord!”
And she bent her face to the
floor.
She rose. Then quickly she
put on her gay, light dress with broad shoulder-straps, cut square on the
breast, and a leather belt, drawn in at the back with a large buckle. Quickly
she plaited her dark braids, and deftly wound them round her head. With a
flourish she stuck into them horn combs and hairpins, the first that came to
her hand. She threw over her shoulders a grey, knitted kerchief, pleasantly
soft in texture, and made haste to go out onto the terrace of the old house.
The narrow inner staircase
creaked gently under Natasha’s light step. It was pleasant to feel the contact
of the cold hard floor of planks under her warm feet.
When Natasha descended and
passed down the corridor and through the dining-room, she walked on tip-toe so
as to awaken neither her mother nor her grandmother. Upon her face was a sweet
expression of cheerful preoccupation, and between her brows a slight
contraction. This contraction had remained as it was formed in those other
days.
The curtains in the
dining-room were still drawn. The room seemed dark and oppressive. She wanted
to run through quickly, past the large drawn-out table. She had no wish to stop
at the sideboard to snatch something to eat.
Quicker, quicker! Toward
freedom, toward the open, toward the smiles of the careless dawn which does not
think of wearisome yesterdays.
IV
It was bright and refreshing
on the terrace. Natasha’s light-coloured dress suddenly kindled with the
pale-rose smiles of the early sun. A soft breeze blew from the garden. It
caressed and kissed Natasha’s feet.
Natasha seated herself in a
wicker chair, and leant her slender rosy elbows upon the broad parapet of the
terrace. She directed her gaze toward the gate between the hedges beyond which
the grey silent road was visible, gently serene in the pale rose light.
Natasha looked long,
intently, with a steady pensive gaze in her dark eyes. A small vein quivered at
the left corner of her mouth. The left brow trembled almost imperceptibly. The
vertical contraction between her eyes defined itself rather sharply. Equal to
the fixity of the tremulous, ruby-like flame of the rising sun, was the fixed
vision of her very intent, motionless eyes.
If an observer were to give
a long and searching look at Natasha as she sat there in the sunrise, it would
seem to him that she was not observing what was before her, but that her intent
gaze was fixed on something very far away, at something that was not in sight.
It was as though she wished
to see some one who was not there, some one she was waiting for, some one who
will come—who will come to-day. Only let the miracle happen. Yes, the miracle!
V
Natasha’s grey daily routine
was before her. It was always the same, always in the same place. And as
yesterday, as to-morrow, as always, the same people. Eternal unchanging people.
A muzhik walked
along with a monotonous swing, the iron heels of his boots striking the hard
clay of the road with a resounding clang. A peasant woman walked unsteadily by,
softly rustling her way through the dewy grass, showing her sunburnt legs.
Regarding the old house with a kind of awe, a number of sweet, sunburnt, dirty,
white-haired urchins ran by.
Past the house, always past
it. No one thought of stopping at the gate. And no one saw the young girl
behind that pillar of the terrace.
Sweet-briar bloomed near the
gate. It let fall its first pale-rose petals on the yellow sandy path, petals
of heavenly innocence even in their actual fall. The roses in the garden
exhaled their sweet, passionate perfume. At the terrace itself, reflecting the
light of the sky, they flaunted their bright rosy smiles, their aromatic
shameless dreams and desires, innocent as all was innocent in the primordial
paradise, innocent as only the perfumes of roses are innocent upon this earth.
White tobacco plants and red poppies bloomed in one part of the garden. And
just beyond a marble Aphrodite gleamed white, like some eternal emblem of beauty,
in the green, refreshing, aromatic, joyous life of this passing day.
Natasha said quietly to
herself: “He must have changed a great deal. Perhaps I shan’t know him when he
comes.”
And quietly she answered
herself: “But I would know him at once by his voice and his eyes.”
And listening intently she
seemed to hear his deep, sonorous voice. Then she seemed to see his dark eyes,
and their flaming, dauntless, youthfully-bold glance. And again she listened
intently and gave a searching look into the great distance. She bent down
lightly, and inclined her sensitive ear toward something while her glance,
pensive and motionless, seemed no less fixed. It was as though she had stopped
suddenly in an attitude, tense and not a little wild.
The rosy smile of the now
blazing sunrise timidly played on Natasha’s pale face.
VI
A voice in the distance gave
a cry, and there was an answering echo.
Natasha shivered. She
started, sighed, and then rose. Down the low, broad steps she descended into
the garden, and found herself on the sandy path. The fine grey sand grated
under her small and narrow feet, which left behind their delicate traces.
Natasha approached the white
marble statue.
For a long time she gazed
upon the tranquil beauty of the goddess’s face, so remote from her own tedious,
dried-up life, and then upon the ever-youthful form, nude and unashamed,
radiating freedom. Roses bloomed at the foot of the plain pedestal. They added
the enchantment of their brief aromatic existence to the enchantment of eternal
beauty.
Very quietly Natasha
addressed the Aphrodite.
“If he should come to-day, I
will put into the buttonhole of his jacket the most scarlet, the most lovely of
these roses. He is swarthy, and his eyes are dark—yes, I shall take the most
scarlet of your roses!”
The goddess smiled.
Gathering up with her beautiful hands the serene draperies which fell about her
knees, silently but unmistakably she answered, “Yes.”
And Natasha said again: “I
will plait a wreath of scarlet roses, and I will let down my hair, my long, dark
hair; and I will put on the wreath, and I will dance and laugh and sing, to
comfort him, to make him joyous.”
And again the goddess said
to her, “Yes.”
Natasha spoke again: “You
will remember him. You will recognize him. You gods remember everything. Only
we people forget. In order to destroy and to create—ourselves and you.”
And in the silence of the
white marble was clear the eternal “Yes,” the comforting answer, “Yes.”
Natasha sighed and took her
eyes from the statue. The sunrise blazed into a flame; the joyous garden smiled
with the radiations of dawn’s ever-youthful, triumphant laughter.
VII
Then Natasha went quietly
toward the gate. There again she looked a long time down the road. She had her
hand on the gate in an attitude of expectation, ready, as it were, to swing it
wide open before him who was coming, before him whom she awaited.
Stirring the grey dust of
the road the refreshing early wind blew softly into Natasha’s face, and
whispered in her ears persistent, evil and ominous things, as though it envied
her expectation, her tense calm.
O wind, you who blow
everywhere, you know all, you come and you go at will, and you pursue your way
into the endless beyond.
O wind, you who blow
everywhere, perchance you have flown into the regions where he is? Perchance
you have brought tidings of him?
If you would but bring
hither a single sigh from him, or bear one hence to him; if but the light, pale
shadow of a word.
When the early wind blows a
flush comes to Natasha’s face, and a flame to her eyes; her red lips quiver, a
few tears appear, her slender form sways slightly—all this when the wind blows,
the cool, the desolate, the unmindful, the infinitely wise wind. It blows, and
in its blowing there is the sense of fleeting, irrevocable time.
It blows, and it stings, and
it brings sadness, and pitilessly it goes on.
It goes on, and the frail
dust falls back in the road, grey-rose yet dim in the dawn. It has wiped out
all its traces, it has forgotten all who have walked upon it, and it lies
faintly rose in the dawn.
There is a gnawing at the
heart from the sweet sadness of expectation. Some one seems to stand near
Natasha, whispering in her ear: “He will come. He is on the way. Go and meet
him.”
VIII
Natasha opens the gate and
goes quickly down the road in the direction of the distant railway station.
Having walked as far as the hillock by the river, one and a half versts away,
Natasha pauses and looks into the distance.
A clear view of the road is
to be had from this hillock. Somewhere below, among the meadows, a curlew gives
a sharp cry. The pleasant smell of the damp grass fills the air.
The sun is rising. Suddenly
everything becomes white, bright, and clear. Joyousness fills the great open
expanse. On the top of the hillock the morning wind blows more strongly and
more sweetly. It seems to have forgotten its desolation and its grief.
The grass is quite wet with
dew. How gently it clings to her ankles. It is resplendent in its
multi-coloured, gem-like, tear-like glitter.
The red sun rises slowly but
triumphantly above the blue mist of the horizon. In its bright red flame there
is a hidden foreboding of quiet melancholy.
Natasha lowers her glance
upon the wet grass. Sweet little flowers! She recognizes the flower of
faithfulness, the blue periwinkle.
Here also, quite near,
reminiscent of death, is the black madwort. But what of that? Is it not
everywhere? Soothe us, soothe us, little blue flowers!
“I will not pluck a single
one of you; not one of you will I plait into my wreath.”
She stands, waiting,
watching.
Were he to show himself in
the road she would recognize him even in the distance. But no—there is no one.
The road is deserted, and the misty distances are dumb.
IX
Natasha remains standing a
little while, then turns back. Her feet sink in the wet grass. The tall stalks
half wind themselves round her ankles and rustle against the hem of her
light-coloured dress. Natasha’s graceful arms, half hidden by the grey knitted
kerchief, hang subdued at her sides. Her eyes have already lost their fixed
expression, and have begun to jump from object to object.
How often have they walked
this road, all together, her little sisters, and Borya! They were noisy with
merriment. What did they not talk about! Their quarrels! What proud songs they
sang! Now she was alone, and there was no sign of Borya.
Why were they waiting for
him? In what manner would he come? She did not know. Perhaps she would not
recognize him.
There awakens in Natasha’s
heart a presentiment of bitter thoughts. With a heavy rustle an evil serpent
begins to stir in the darkness of her wearied memory.
Slowly and sorrowfully
Natasha turns her steps homeward. Her eyes are drowsy and seem to look
aimlessly, with fallen and fatigued glances. The grass now seems disagreeably
damp, the wind malicious; her feet feel the wet, and the hem of her thin dress
has grown heavy with moisture. The new light of a new day, resplendent,
glimmering with the play of the laughing dew, resounding with the hum of birds
and the voices of human folk, becomes again for Natasha tiresomely blatant.
What does a new day matter?
Why invoke the unattainable?
The murmur of pitiless
memory, at first faint, grows more audible. The heavy burden of insurmountable
sorrow falls on the heart like an aspen-grey weight. The heart feels proudly
the pressure of the inexpressibly painful foreboding of tears.
As she nears the house
Natasha increases her pace. Faster and yet faster, in response to the growing
beat of her sorrowful heart, she is running over the dry clay of the road, over
the wet grass of the bypath, trodden by pedestrians, over the moist, crunching,
sandy footpaths of the garden, which still treasure the gentle traces left by
her at dawn. Natasha runs across the warm planks, as yet unswept of dust and
litter. And she no longer tries to step lightly and inaudibly. She stumbles
across the astonished, open-mouthed Glasha. She runs impetuously and noisily up
the stairway to her room, and throws herself on the bed. She pulls the coverlet
over her head, and falls asleep.
X
Borya’s grandmother, Elena
Kirillovna, sleeps below. She is old, and she cannot sleep in the morning; but
never in all her life has she risen early; so even now she is awake only a
little later than Natasha. Elena Kirillovna, straight, thin, motionless, the
back of her head resting on the pillow, lies for a long time waiting for the
maid to bring her a cup of coffee—she has long ago accustomed herself to have
her coffee in bed.
Elena Kirillovna has a dry,
yellow face, marked with many wrinkles; but her eyes are still sparkling, and
her hair is black, especially by day, when she uses a cosmetic.
The maid Glasha is
habitually late. She sleeps well in the morning, for in the evening she loves
to stroll over to the bridge in the village. The harmonica makes merry there,
and on holidays all sorts of jolly folk and maidens dance and sing.
Elena Kirillovna rings a
number of times. In the end the unanswering stillness behind the door begins to
irritate her. Sadly she turns on her side, grumbling. She stretches her dry,
yellow hand forward and with a kind of concentrated intentness presses her
bent, bony finger a long time on the white bell-button lying on the little
round table at her head.
At last Glasha hears the
prolonged, jarring ring above her head. She jumps quickly from her bed, and
anxiously gropes about for something or other in her narrow quarters under the
stairway of the mezzanine; then she throws a skirt over her head, and hurries
to her old mistress. While running she arranges somehow her heavy, tangled
braids.
Glasha’s face is angry and
sleepy. She reels in her drowsiness. On the way to her mistress’s bedroom the
morning air refreshes her a little. She faces her mistress looking more or less
normal.
Glasha has on a pink skirt
and a white blouse. In the semi-darkness of the curtained windows her sunburnt
arms and strong legs seem almost white. Young, strong, rustic and impetuous,
she suddenly appears before her old mistress’s bed, her vigorous tread causing
the heavy metal bed with its nickelled posts and surmounting knobs to rattle slightly,
and the tumbler on the small round table to tinkle against the flagon.
XI
Elena Kirillovna greets
Glasha with her customary observation:
“Glasha, when am I to have
my coffee? I ring and ring, and no one comes. You, girl, seem to sleep like the
dead.”
Glasha’s face assumes a look
of astonishment and fear. Restraining a yawn, she bends down to put a
disarranged rug in order, and puts a pair of soft, worn slippers closer to the
bed. Then assuming an excessively tender, deferential tone which old gentlewomen
like in their servants, she remarks:
“Forgive me, barinya,[2] it shan’t take a minute. But
how early you are awake to-day, barinya! Did you have a bad night?”
Elena Kirillovna replies:
“What sort of sleep can one
except at my age! Get me my coffee a little more quickly, and I will try to get
up.”
She now speaks more calmly,
despite the capricious note in her voice.
Glasha replies heartily:
“This very minute, barinya.
You shall have it at once.”
And she turns about to go
out.
Elena Kirillovna stops her
with an angry exclamation:
“Glasha, where are you
going? You seem to forget, no matter how often I tell you! Draw the curtains
aside.”
Glasha, with some agility,
thrusts back the curtains of the two windows and flies out of the room. She is
rather low of stature and slender, and one can tell from her face that she is
intelligent, but the sound of her rapid footsteps is measured and heavy, giving
the impression that the runner is large, powerful, heavy, and capable of doing
everything but what requires lightness. The mistress grumbles, looking after
her:
“Lord, how she stamps with
her feet! She spares neither the floor nor her own heels!”
[2] Means
“gentlewoman,” and is a common form of salutation from servant to mistress.
XII
At last the sound of
Glasha’s feet dies away in the echoing silence of the long corridor. The old
lady lies, waiting, thinking. She is once more straight and motionless under
her bed-cover, and very yellow and very still. Her whole life seems to be
concentrated in the living sparkle of her keen eyes.
The sun, still low, throws a
subdued rosy light on the wall facing her. The bedroom is lit-up and quiet.
Swift atoms of dust are dancing about in the air. There is a glitter on the
glass of the photographic portraits which hang on the wall, as well as on the
narrow gilt rims of their black frames.
Elena Kirillovna looks at
the portraits. Her keen, youthfully sparkling eyes carefully scrutinize the
beloved faces. Many of these are no longer upon the earth.
Borya’s portrait is a large
one, in a broad dark frame. It is a young face, the face of a
seventeen-year-old lad, quite smooth and with dark eyes. The upper lip shows a
small but vigorous growth of hair. The lips are tightly compressed and the
entire face gives the impression of an indomitable will.
Elena Kirillovna looks long
at the portrait, and recalls Borya. Of all her grandsons she loved him best.
And now she is recalling him. She sees him as he had once looked. Where is he
now? Before long Borya will return. She will be overjoyed, her eyes will have
their fill of him. But how soon?
It comforts the old woman to
think, “It can’t be very long.”
Some one has just run past
her window, giving a shrill cry.
Elena Kirillovna, turning in
her bed, looks out of the window.
The white acacia trees
before the window, gaily rustling their leaves, smile innocently, naïvely and
cheerily. Behind them, looming densely, are the tops of the birches and of the
limes. Some of the branches lean toward the window. Their harsh rustle evokes a
memory in Elena Kirillovna.
If Borya were but to cry out
like that! He had loved this garden. He had loved the white bloom of the acacia
trees, and he had loved to gather the little field flowers. He used to bring
her some. He liked cornflowers specially.
XIII
At last Glasha has come with
the coffee. She has placed a silver tray on the little round table near the
bed. Above the broad blue-and-gold porcelain cup rises a thin bluish cloud of
steam.
Elena Kirillovna draws her
scant body higher upon the pillows, and sits upright in her bed; she seems
straight, dry, and thin in her white night-jacket. With trembling hands she
very fastidiously rearranges the ribbons of her white ruffled nightcap.
Glasha, with great
solicitude and skill, has placed a number of pillows at her back, and these
piled up high make a soft wall of comfort.
The little silver spoon held
by the old dry fingers rings with fragile laughter as it stirs the sugar in the
cup. Afterwards out of a small milk-jug comes a generous helping of boiled
milk. And Glasha, having shifted somewhat to the side in order to catch a
stealthy look of herself in the mirror, goes out.
Elena Kirillovna sips her
coffee slowly. She breaks a sugared biscuit, throws half of it in the cup, and
leaves it there for a time. Then, when it is completely softened, she carefully
takes it out with the little spoon.
Elena Kirillovna’s teeth are
still quite strong. She is very proud of this; nevertheless she has preferred
of late to eat softer things. She munches away at the wet biscuit. Her face
expresses gratification. Her small, keen eyes sparkle merrily.
When the coffee is finished
Elena Kirillovna lies down again. She dozes for half an hour on her back, under
the bed-cover. Then she rings again and waits.
XIV
Glasha comes in. She has had
time to comb her hair and to put on a pink blouse, and this makes her seem even
thinner. As she is in no haste her footfalls sound even heavier than before.
Glasha approaches her
mistress’s bed and silently throws the bed-cover aside. She helps Elena
Kirillovna to sit on the bed, holding her up under the arm. Then, getting down
on her knees, she helps her mistress to put on her long black stockings and her
soft grey slippers.
Elena Kirillovna holds on to
Glasha’s shoulder with her trembling, nervous hands. She envies Glasha’s youth,
strength, and naïve simplicity. Grumbling under her breath at her unfortunate
lot, Elena Kirillovna imagines in her dejection that she would be willing to
sacrifice all her comfort to become like Glasha, a common servant-maid with
coarse hands and feet red from rough usage and the wet—if she could but possess
the youth, the cheerfulness, the sang-froid, and the happiness attainable upon
this earth only by the stupid.
The old woman grumbles often
at her fate, but is quite unwilling to give up a single one of her
gentlewoman’s habits.
Glasha says, “All
ready, barinya.”
“Now my capote, Glasha,”
Elena Kirillovna says as she gets up.
But Glasha herself knows
what is wanted. She deftly puts on Elena Kirillovna’s shoulders a white flannel
robe.
“Now you may go, Glashenka.
I will ring if I want you again.”
XV
Glasha goes. She hurries to
the veranda staircase.
Here she washes herself a
second time in a clay turn-over basin, which is attached by a rope to one of
the posts of the veranda; she quickly plunges her face and hands in the water
that had been left there overnight. She splashes the water a long way off on
the green grass, on the lilac-grey planks of the staircase and on her feet,
which are red from the early morning freshness and from the tender contact with
the dewy grass in the vegetable garden. She laughs happily at herself—because
she is a young, healthy girl, because the early morning freshness caresses the
length of her strong, swift body with brisk cool strokes; and finally, because
not far away, in the village, there is a lively and handsome young fellow, not unlike
herself, who pays attention to her and whom she is rather fond of. It is true
that her mother scolds her on his account, because the young man is poor. But
what’s that to Glasha? Not for nothing is there an adage:
“Without bread ’tis very
sad,
Still sadder ’tis without a lad.”
Glasha laughs loudly and
merrily.
Stepanida cries at her from
the kitchen window: “Glash, Glash, why do you neigh like a horse?”
Glasha laughs, makes no
reply, and goes off.
Stepanida puts her simple,
red face out of the window and asks: “I wonder what’s the matter with her.”
She receives no answer, for
there is no one to reply. Out of doors all is deserted. Only somewhere from
behind the barn the languid voices of working-men can be heard.
XVI
In the meantime Elena
Kirillovna kneels down with a sigh before the ikon in her bedroom. She prays a
long time. Conscientiously she repeats all the prayers she knows. Her dry,
raspberry-coloured lips stir slightly. Her face has a severe, concentrated
expression. All her wrinkles seem also austere, weary, callous.
There are many words in her
prayers—holy, lofty, touching words. But because of their frequent repetition
their meaning has become, as it were, hardened, stereotyped and ordinary; the
tears which appear in her eyes are habitual tears wrung out by her antique
emotion, and have no relation to the secret trepidation of impossible hopes
which have stolen into the old woman’s heart of late.
Diligently her lips murmur
prayers each day for the forgiveness of sins, voluntary and involuntary, committed
in deed, in word, or in thought; prayers for the purification of our souls of
all defilement; and again words concerning our impieties, our evil actions, our
disregard of commandments, our general unworthiness, our worldly frailty, and
the temptations of Satan; and again concerning the accursed soul and the
accursed body and the sensual life; and her words embrace only universal evil
and all-pervading depravity. Surely these prayers were composed for Titans,
created to reconstruct the universe, but who, out of shamefaced indolence, are
attending to this business with their arms hanging at their sides.
And not a word does she
utter of her own, her personal affliction, of what is in her soul.
The old, dried-up lips
mumble of mercy, of generosity, of brotherly love, of the holy life—of all
those lofty regions pouring out their bounty upon all creation. And not a word
of the miracle, awaited eagerly and with trepidation.
But here are words for those
who are in prison and in exile; it is a prayer for their liberation, for their
redemption.
Here is something at last
about Borya.
Freedom and redemption....
But the prayer runs on and
on, and it is again for strangers, for distant people, for the universal; only
for an instant, and then lightly, does she pause to put in something for
herself, for her desire, for what is in her heart.
Then for the dead—for those
others, the long since departed, the almost forgotten, the resurrected only in
word in the hour of these strangers, prayed for in this easy, gliding way all
the world over where piety reigns.
The prayers are ended. Elena
Kirillovna lingers for a moment. She has an air of having forgotten to say
something indispensable.
What else? Or has she said
all?
“All”—some one seems to say
simply, softly and inexorably.
Elena Kirillovna rises from
her knees. She goes to the window. Her soul is calm and self-contained. The
prayer has not left her in a mood of piety, but has relieved her weary soul for
a brief time of its material, matter-of-fact existence.
XVII
Elena Kirillovna looks out
of the window. She is returning, as it were, once more from some dark, abstract
world to the bright, profusely-coloured, resonant impressions of a rough,
cheery, not altogether disagreeable life.
Small white clouds tinged
with red float slowly in the heights and merge imperceptibly in the vivid blue.
Ablaze like a piece of coal at red heat their soul seems to fuse with their
cold white bodies, to consume them as well as itself with fire, and to sink
exhausted in the cold blue heights. The sun, as yet invisible behind the left
wing of the house, has already begun to pour upon the garden its warm and
glowing waves of laughter, joy and light, animating the flowers and birds.
“Well, it’s time to dress,”
Elena Kirillovna says to herself.
She rings.
Soon Glasha appears and
helps Elena Kirillovna to dress.
At last she is ready. She
casts a final look in the mirror to see that everything is in order.
Elena Kirillovna’s hair is
very neatly combed, and lightly brushed down with a cosmetic. This makes it
shine and appear as though it were glued together. At her every movement in the
light there is visible, from right to left, a slender silver thread, due to the
reflection of light at the parting of the smoothed coiffure. Her face shows
slight traces of powder.
Elena Kirillovna’s dress is
always of a light colour, when not actually white, and of the simplest cut. The
small soft ruffle of the broad collar hides her neck and chin. She has already
substituted for her dressing slippers a pair of light summer shoes.
XVIII
Elena Kirillovna enters the
dining-room. She looks on as the table is being laid for breakfast. She always
notes the slightest disorder. She grumbles quietly as she picks up something
from one place on the table and puts it in another.
Then she goes into the
large, unused front room, with its closed door on to the staircase of the front
façade. She walks along the corridor to the vestibule and to the back
staircase. She stops on the high landing, wrinkles up her face from the sun,
and looks down to see what is going on in the yard. Small, quite erect, like a
young school-girl with a yellow, wrinkled face which expresses at the moment a
severe domestic concern, she stands, looks on, and is silent; she is, it seems,
unnecessary here. No one pays her the slightest attention.
“Good morning, Stepanida,”
she calls out. Stepanida, a buxom, red-cheeked maid in a bright red dress,
under which is visible a strip of her white chemise and her stout sunburnt
legs, is attending to the samovar at the bottom of the stairs, and is
vigorously blowing to set the fire going. Upon her head is a neatly-arranged
green kerchief, which hides her folded braids of hair like a head-dress.
The bulging sides of the
samovar glow radiantly in the sun. Its bent chimney sends out a curl of blue
smoke, which smells sharply, pungently, and not altogether disagreeably, of
juniper and tar.
In answer to the old
mistress’s greeting Stepanida raises her broad, cheerfully-preoccupied face,
with its small, dark brown eyes, and says in prolonged caressing tones,
sing-song fashion:
“Good morning to you, matushka
barinya.[3] It’s a fine morning, to be
sure. How warm it is, by the grace of God! And you’re up early, matushka
barinya!”
Her words are indeed
honeyed, and above in the sweet air an early, shaggy bee hovers, with a thick
buzzing, tremulously golden in the clear, fluid haze of the early, gentle sun.
Silent again, Stepanida is once more busy with the samovar; the disenchanted
bee flies away, its buzzing growing less and less audible behind the fence.
The pungent smell of tar
causes Elena Kirillovna to frown. She says:
“What makes the thing smell
so strongly? You had better leave it for a while, or you will get giddy.”
Stepanida, without moving,
answers languidly and indifferently:
“It’s nothing, barinya.
We are used to it. It’s but a slight smell, and it is the juniper.”
Through the blue, curling
smoke of juniper her sweet voice seems dull and bitter. There is a tickling at
Elena Kirillovna’s throat. There is a slight giddiness in her head. Elena
Kirillovna makes haste to go. She descends the staircase, and proceeds upon her
customary morning stroll.
[3] Literally:
“Little mother—gentlewoman.”
XIX
Glasha soon overtakes her.
With an exaggerated loudness she runs stamping down the stairs, showing a
wing-like glimmer of her strong legs from under the pink skirt, set a-flutter
by her vigorous movement. She calls out in a clear, solicitously joyous voice:
“Barinya, you have
come out! The sun will scorch you. I’ve fetched your hat.”
The yellow straw hat, with
its lavender ribbon, glimmers in Glasha’s hands like some strange,
low-fluttering bird.
Elena Kirillovna, as she
puts the hat on, says: “Why do you run about in such disorder! You ought to
tidy yourself—you know whom we are expecting.”
Glasha is silent, and her
face assumes a compassionate expression. For a long time she looks after her
strolling mistress, then she smiles and walks back.
Stepanida asks her in a loud
whisper: “Well, is she still expecting her grandson?”
“Rather!” Glasha replies
compassionately. “And it’s simply pitiful to look at them. They never stop
thinking about him.”
In the meanwhile Elena
Kirillovna makes her way across the vegetable garden, past the labourers and
the servants in the stockyard, and then across the field. Near the garden fence
she enters the road.
There, not far from the
garden, in the shade of an old, spreading lime, stands a bench—a board upon two
supports, which still shows traces of having been once painted green. From this
place a view is to be had of the road, of the garden, and of the house.
Elena Kirillovna seats
herself upon the bench. She looks out on the road. She sits quietly, seeming so
small, so slender, and so erect. She waits a long time. She falls into a doze.
Through the thin haze of
slumber she can see a beloved, smooth face smiling, and she can hear a quiet, dear
voice calling:
“Grandma!”
She gives a start and opens
her eyes. There is no one there. But she waits. She believes and waits.
XX
There is a lightness in the
air. The road is radiant and tranquil. A gentle, refreshing breeze softly
passes and repasses her. The sun is warming her old bones, it is caressing her
lean back through her dress. Everything round her rejoices in the green, the
golden, and the blue. The foliage of the birches, of the willows, and of the
limes in full bloom is rustling quietly. From the fields comes the honeyed
smell of clover.
Oh, how light and lovely the
air is upon the earth!
How beautiful thou art, my
earth, my golden, my emerald, my sapphire earth! Who, born to thy heritage
would care to die, would care to close his eyes upon thy serene beauties and
upon thy magnificent spaces? Who, resting in thee, damp Mother Earth, would not
wish to rise, would not wish to return to thy enchantments and to thy delights?
And what stern fate shall drive one who is aflame with life-thirst to seek the
shelter of death?
Upon the road where once he
walked he shall walk again. Upon the earth, which still preserves his
footprints, he shall walk again. Borya, the grandmother’s beloved Borya, shall
return.
A golden bee flies by. It
seems to say, the golden bee, that Borya will return to the quiet of the old
house and will taste the fragrant honey—the sweet gift of the wise bees,
buzzing under the sun upon the beloved earth. The old grandmother, in her joy,
will place before the ikon of the Virgin a candle of the purest bees’-wax—a
gift of the wise bees, buzzing away among the gold of the sun’s rays—a gift to
man and a gift to God.
Women and girls of the
village pass by with their sunburnt, wind-swept faces. They greet the barinya and
look at her with compassion. Elena Kirillovna smiles at them, and addresses
them in her usual gentle manner:
“Good morning, my dears!”
They pass by. Their loud
voices die away in the distance, and Elena Kirillovna soon forgets them. They
will pass by once more that day, when the time comes. They will pass by. They
will return. Upon the road, where their dusty footprints remain, they will pass
by once more.
XXI
Elena Kirillovna suddenly
awoke from her drowse and looked at the things before her with a perplexed
gaze. Everything seemed to be clear, bright, free from care—and relentless.
Inevitably the triumphant
sun rose higher in the heavens’ dome. Grown powerful, wise and resplendent, it
seemed indifferent now to oppressive earthly melancholy and to sweet earthly
delights. And its laughter was high, joyless, and sorrowless.
Everything as before was
green, blue and gold, many-toned and vividly tinted; truly all the objects of
nature showed the real colour of their souls in honour of this feast of light.
But the fine dust upon the silent road had already lost its rose tinge, and
stirred before the wind like a grey, depressing veil. And when the wind calmed
down, the dust slowly fell back upon the road, like a grey, blind serpent
which, trailing its fat, fantastic belly, falls back exhausted, gasping its
last breath.
All monotony had become
wearisome. This inevitable recurrence of lucid moments began to torment Elena
Kirillovna with the grey foreboding of sadness, of bitter tears, of unanswered
prayers, and of a profound hopelessness.
XXII
Glasha appeared at the
garden gate. She glanced cheerfully along both sides of the road. Walking more
slowly she approached Elena Kirillovna deferentially.
Glasha looked quite ordinary
now, stiff-mannered and stupid. There was nothing to envy in her. Her dress too
was quite common-place. Her braids were arranged upon her head quite like a
young lady’s, and held fast by three combs of transparent bone. Her blouse was
light-coloured—pink stripes and lavender flowers on a ground of white—its short
sleeves reached the elbows. She wore a neat blue skirt and a white apron.
Elena Kirillovna asked:
“Well, what is it,
Glashenka? Is Sonyushka up yet?”
Glasha replied in a
respectful voice:
“Sofia Alexandrovna is
getting up. She wants me to ask you if we shall lay the table on the terrace?”
“Yes, yes, let it be on the
terrace. And how is Natashenka?” asked Elena Kirillovna, looking anxiously at
Glasha.
“The young lady is asleep,”
answered Glasha. “To-day again, quite early, she went out for a walk straight
from bed, without so much as a bite of something. Her skirt’s wet with dew. She
might have caught a cold. And now she sleeps. If you’d but talk to her.”
Elena Kirillovna said
irresolutely:
“Very well. I had better be
going. All right, Glasha.”
Glasha goes. Elena Kirillovna
rises slowly from the bench, as though she regretted moving from the spot where
she saw Borya in a half-dream. Slowly she walks toward the house.
Having reached the gate she
pauses, and again looks for some moments down the road, in the direction of the
station.
A cart rumbles by noisily
over the travelled road. The muzhik barely holds the reins and
rocks from side to side sleepily. The harnessed horse swings its tail and its
head. A white-haired urchin, in broad blue breeches, lets his brown feet hang
over the edge of the cart and stares with his bright hazel eyes at a gaunt,
evil-looking dog which runs after, barking hoarsely.
Elena Kirillovna gives a
sigh—there is as yet no Borya—and enters the garden.
Glasha’s light-coloured
blouse glimmers on the terrace. There is a rattle of dishes. The grumbling
chatter of Borya’s old nurse is also audible.
XXIII
The last to awake, with the
sun quite high and scorching, is Borya’s mother, Sofia Alexandrovna. Through
the thin bright curtains, drawn for the night across the windows, the light
fills her bedroom.
Sofia Alexandrovna awakes
with a start, as though some one had touched her suddenly or had called to her.
With her right hand she impetuously throws aside her light white bed-cover.
Quickly she sits up in bed, holding her hands over her bent knees. For a moment
she looks before her at a bare place in the simple pattern of the bright green
hangings.
Sofia Alexandrovna’s eyes
are dark, wide open, with black, fiery pupils which seem lost in the abysmal,
depths of their own sorrowful gaze. Her face is long, its skin smooth and
colourless, though quite fresh and almost free of wrinkles. The lips are a
vivid red.
Sofia Alexandrovna’s
expression is like that of one faced suddenly with a tragic apparition. She
rocks herself back and forward.
Then, abruptly, she jumps
out of bed with a single spring. She runs to the washing-basin of marble
mounted on a red stand. She washes herself quickly, as though in haste to go
somewhere. Now she is at the window. The curtains are flung violently aside.
She peers anxiously to see what the outlook is—whether there are any clouds in
the sky that might bring rain and make the road muddy, the road upon which
Borya would return home.
The heavens are tremulously
joyous. The birches are rustling quietly. The sparrows are twittering.
Everything is green, bright, quivering; everything palpitates under the tension
of hopes and anticipations. Voices are audible; cries of good cheer and sounds
of laughter. One of the laughers runs by, as though making haste to live.
A torrent of tears floods
Sofia Alexandrovna’s eyes. Her breast heaves visibly under the white linen
chemise.
XXIV
Sofia Alexandrovna goes to
the image. She thrusts aside with her foot the small velvet rug which Glasha
had purposely laid there the day before. She throws herself down on her knees
before the image. You hear her knees strike the floor softly. Sofia
Alexandrovna quietly crosses herself, bends her face to the floor, and mutters
passionately:
“O Lord, Thou knowest, Thou
knowest all, Thou canst do all. Do this, O Lord, return him to us, to his
mother, return him to-day.”
Her prayer is warm and
passionate, quite unlike a prayer. Its words are disconnected, and they fall
confusedly, like small, broken tears. Her naked feet come in contact with the
cold, painted floor. And the entire, warm, prostrate body of the weeping woman
is throbbing and trembling on the boards. Her head repeatedly strikes the
boards, loosening her dark braids of hair.
She does not pray long. The
torrents of tears have cleansed her soul, as it were; and she becomes at once
cheerful and tranquil.
She rises quite, as
suddenly, and rings. She seats herself on the edge of the bed, and dries her
tears with a soft handkerchief. Then she laughs silently. She swings one of her
feet impatiently, striking the rug in front of the bed with the toes. Her eyes
wander about the room, but seem to observe nothing.
Glasha had only just begun
to dress, and she had only tied the strings of her apron round her slender
waist. The sharp impatient ring causes her to start. She runs to the barinya,
seizing quickly at the same time a pair of blackened boots and some clothes
from the laundry.
Sofia Alexandrovna cries in
an urgent voice:
“Now be quick, Glasha. Help
me on with my things.”
She looks on impatiently as
Glasha puts down her burden.
The daily ceremony is gone
through quickly. Sofia Alexandrovna dresses herself. Glasha only draws on her
boots, and hooks up her dress behind.
Soon Sofia Alexandrovna is
quite ready. She gives a brief, vacant look in the mirror.
Her pale face still seems to
be young and handsome. She is slender, like her mother, and small in stature.
She has on a closely fitting white dress with short, wide sleeves. Her coiffure
is arranged in a Greek knot, held fast with a red ribbon. Her slender, shapely
feet are clad in coloured silk stockings and white shoes with silver buckles.
XXV
Sofia Alexandrovna goes
quickly into the dining-room. She pours herself a glass of fresh milk out of a
jug on the table. She drinks it standing, and munches a piece of black bread
with it.
She orders the things for
dinner at the same time. She chooses dishes loved by Borya. She stops to
recollect whether Borya likes this, or does not like that.
Stepanida listens to her
sadly, and replies in a tearful voice:
“Yes, I know! Why shouldn’t
I know? It’s not the first time.”
Glasha asks something. The
old, tottering nurse rattles on rather volubly. Sofia Alexandrovna answers them
mechanically and rapidly. She seems all the while to be listening intently,
either for the sound of a distant little bell, or for the rumble of wheels on
the road. She makes her way out in haste. And she no longer listens to what is
being said to her. She goes out.
She enters Borya’s study.
Everything there is as in the old days, and in order. When Borya comes back he
will find everything in its place.
Sofia Alexandrovna, with
great concern, takes a rapid look round the room. She wishes to see whether
everything is in its place, whether the dust has been swept, whether the rug
has been laid before the bed, and whether the inkstand has been filled with
ink. She herself changes the water in the vase which holds the cornflowers. If
anything is out of place she gives way to tears, then rings for Glasha, and
heaps reproaches upon her.
Glasha’s face assumes a
frightened, compassionate look. In a most humble manner she begs forgiveness.
Sofia Alexandrovna
remonstrates with her:
“How can you be so careless,
Glasha? You know that we are expecting him every minute. Suppose he should suddenly
come in and find this disorder.”
Glasha replies humbly:
“Forgive me, barinya.
Don’t think any more about it. I’ll quickly put everything to rights.”
As she goes out she wipes
away two or three tears with her white apron.
XXVI
With the same undue haste
Sofia Alexandrovna goes into the garden. She sees nothing, neither the white
Aphrodite nor her roses, on her way to the little arbour from which,
overlooking a corner of the garden, the road is visible. Vividly green in the
sun, a four-sloped roof covers the arbour, while hangings of coarse cloth, with
a red border, serve as a protection against inquisitive eyes.
Sofia Alexandrovna looks
down the road with dark, hungry eyes. She waits impatiently, listening to the
rapid, uneven beat of her heart; she waits: Borya will surely come in sight.
The wind blows into her
face, and partly conceals it with the hangings; her face is pale, and her eyes
are dry. The sun warmly kisses her slender arms, which lie motionless on the
broad, lavender-grey parapet of the arbour. Everything is bright, green and gay
in the fields, but her eyes are fixed on the grey serpent of dust trailing
among the freedom of the fields.
If they await him like this
surely Borya will come.
But there is no sign of him.
In vain her hungry glances penetrate the open waste. There is no Borya. More
fixed and piercing grows her glance of infinite longing upon the road—but there
is no Borya.
Everything is as before, as
yesterday, as always. Tranquil, serene and pitiless.
XXVII
The hour of the early luncheon
came. All three sat at the table on the terrace. There was a fourth place laid,
and a fourth chair, for who could tell whether Borya might not arrive at
luncheon time!
The sun was already high.
The day was turning sultry. The fragrance of the red roses at the foot of the
goddess’s pedestal became ever more passionate. And the smile of the
marble-white Aphrodite was even more clear and serene, as she let fall her
draperies with a marvellous grace born of eternal movement. In the bright
sunshine the sand on the footpaths seemed yellow-white. The trees cast austere
dark shadows. They seemed to exhale an odour of the soil, of sap, and of
warmth.
The women sat so that each
one of them, looking beyond the drawn hangings of the terrace and over the
bushes, could see the short narrow path ending at the garden gate, where a part
of the road was also visible; they could not fail to observe every passer-by
and every vehicle.
But during this hour of the
day hardly anyone ever walked or drove by the old house.
Glasha waited on them. She
had on a newly-laundered cap with starched ribbons and plaited frills fitting
tightly over her hair. The snow-white cap shone pleasantly above Glasha’s
fresh, sunburnt face.
In the garden, on a form
just under the terrace, sat Borya’s old nurse, dressed in a dark lavender
blouse, black skirt, with a dark blue kerchief over her head. She was warming
her old bones in the sun, and listening to the conversation on the terrace; now
she grumbled, now she dozed.
Broad-boned and stout, she had
a round, amiable face, and even through the compact network of wrinkles there
were palpable suggestions of former beauty. Her eyes were clear. The grey hair
was flatly combed down. Her figure and her face wore a settled expression of
languid good nature.
XXVIII
As always, they eat and
drink, and they keep up a cheerful and friendly chatter. Sometimes two of them
speak together. A stranger in the garden might conclude that a large company is
gathered on the terrace.
Frequently Borya’s name is
mentioned.
“To be sure, Borya
likes....”
“Perhaps Borya will
bring....”
“It is strange Borya is not
yet here....”
“Perhaps Borya will come in
the evening....”
“We must ask Borya whether
he has read....”
“It is possible this is not
new to Borya....”
While below, under the
terrace, the old nurse, each time she hears Borya’s name, crosses herself and
mumbles:
“O Lord, rest the soul of
thy servant, Boris.”
At first her voice is low,
but it gradually grows louder and louder. Finally the three women at the table
can hear her words. They tremble slightly and exchange anxious glances, into
which steals an expression of perplexed fear. So they begin to speak even
louder, and to laugh even more merrily. They permit no intervals of silence,
and the hum of their talk and laughter prevents for the time their hearing the
nurse’s mumbling in the garden.
But their voices inevitably
fall after a mention of the beloved name, and now again they hear the tranquil,
terrible words:
“O Lord, rest the soul....”
They sit at luncheon long,
but they talk more industriously than they eat. They glance nervously toward
the gate. It seems a terrible thing to have to leave the table and to go
somewhere while Borya is not yet with them.
XXIX
Toward the end of luncheon
the post arrives. Grisha, a fourteen-year-old youngster, goes for it daily to
the station on horseback. Raising clouds of dust he jumps off briskly at the
gate. Leaving his horse he enters the garden carrying a black leather bag, and
smiles broadly at something or other. Ascending the long steps of the terrace
he announces loudly and joyously:
“I’ve fetched the post!”
He is cheery, sunburnt,
perspiring. He smells of the sun, of the soil, of dust and tar. His hands and
feet are as large as a man’s. His lips are soft and pouting, like those of a
sweet-tempered foal. At the opening of his shirt, cut on the slant, buttons are
missing, exposing a strip of his sunburnt chest and a piece of grey string.
Sofia Alexandrovna rises
abruptly from her place. She takes the bag from Grisha, and throws it quickly
on the table. A pile of stamped wrappers comes pouring upon the white cloth.
The three women bend over the table and rummage for letters. But letters come
only rarely.
Knitting her brows Natasha
looks at the smiling youngster and asks:
“No letters, Grisha?”
Grisha, shuffling his feet,
brick-red from the sun, smiles and answers, as always, in the same words:
“The letters are being
written, barishnya.”
Sofia Alexandrovna says
impatiently:
“You may go, Grisha.”
Grisha goes. The women open
their newspapers.
Sofia Alexandrovna takes up
the Rech and scans it rapidly, occasionally mentioning
something that has attracted her notice.
Natasha is looking
over Slovo. She reads silently, slowly, and attentively.
Elena Kirillovna has
the Russkiya Vedomosti. She tears the wrapper open slowly and
spreads the entire sheet on the table. She reads on, quickly running her eyes
over the lines.
XXX
Groaning, the old nurse
slowly ascends the steps. Sofia Alexandrovna pauses from her reading a moment
and looks with fear at the old woman. Natasha gives a nervous start and turns
away. Elena Kirillovna reads on calmly, without looking at the nurse.
The nurse sighs, sits down
on the bench at the entrance, and asks in a monotone the one and the same
question that she asks each day:
“And how many folk are there
in this morning’s paper that’s been ordered to die? And how many are there
that’s been hanged?”
Sofia Alexandrovna drops the
paper, and suddenly rising, very pale, looks upon the old woman. She is
quivering from head to foot. Elena Kirillovna, folding the paper, pushes it
aside and looks straight before her with arrested eyes. Natasha rises; she
turns her face, which has suddenly grown pale, toward the old woman, and utters
in a kind of wooden voice that does not seem like her own:
“In Ekaterinoslav—seven; in
Moscow—one.”
Or other towns, and other
figures—such as fresh newspaper lists bring each day.
The nurse rises and crosses
herself piously. She mutters:
“O Lord, rest the souls of
Thy servants! And give them eternal life!”
Then Sofia Alexandrovna
cries out in despair:
“Oh Borya, Borya, my Borya!”
Her face is as pale as
though there were not a single drop of blood left under her dull, elastic skin.
Wringing her hands with a
convulsive movement, she looks with terror at Elena Kirillovna and at her
daughter. Elena Kirillovna turns aside, and, looking at the old nurse, shakes
her head reproachfully, while in her eyes, like drops of early evening dew,
appear a few scant tears.
Natasha, looking
determinedly at her mother, says with pale, quivering lips:
“Mamma, calm yourself.”
Suddenly her voice becomes
cold and wooden again as though some evil stranger compelled her each day to
utter her words slowly and deliberately.
“You yourself know, mamma,
that Borya was hanged a full year ago!”
She looks at her mother with
the motionless, pathetic gaze of her very dark eyes, and repeats:
“You yourself know this,
mamma!”
Sofia Alexandrovna’s eyes
are widely dilated; dull, there is terror in them, and the deep pupils burn
with an impercipient lustre in their dark depths. She repeats almost
soundlessly, looking straight into Natasha’s eyes:
“Hanged!”
She resumes her place, looks
out of her sad eyes at the white Aphrodite and the red roses at the goddess’s
feet, and is silent. Her face is white and rigid, her lips are red and tightly
set; there is a suggestion of latent madness in the still lustre of her eyes.
Before the image of eternal
beauty, before the fragrance of the short-lived, exultant roses, she is
hardening as it were into an image of the eternal grief of a disconsolate
mother.
XXXI
Elena Kirillovna quietly
descends the narrow side staircase into the garden. She sits down on a bench
somewhat away from the house, looks upon the green bedecked pond and weeps.
Natasha goes into her room
in the mezzanine. She opens a book and tries to read. But she finds it
impossible. She puts the book aside and looks out of the window, and her eyes
are dimmed.
Higher and higher above the
old house rises the pitiless, bright Dragon. His joyous laughter rings in the
merry heights, encloses, as in a flaming circle, the depressing silence of the
house. The well-directed rays shoot out like sharp-plumed arrows, and the air
is tremulous with eternal, inexhaustible anger. No one is being awaited. No one
will come. Borya has died. The relentless wheel of time knows no turning back.
So the day is
passing—clearly and brightly. The dazzling white light says there is nothing to
hope for.
XXXII
Natasha sits in her room
before an open window. A book is lying on the window-sill. She has no desire to
read.
Every line in the book
reminds her of him, of unfinished conversations, of heated discussions, of what
had been, of what is no more.
The memories become brighter
and brighter, and reach at last a clearness and fullness of vision,
overwhelming her soul.
The fiery Dragon, obscured
by a leaden grey cloud, becomes a little dim. Dimness also creeps into the
memory of him. It seems as though the heavens are being traversed by the cold,
clear, tranquil moon. Her face is pale, but not from sadness. Her rays have
cast a spell upon the sleeping earth and upon the unattainably high heavens.
The moon has bewitched the
fields and also the valleys, which are full of mist. There is a dull glimmer in
the drops of cool, tranquil dew upon the slumbering grass.
There is in this fantastic
glimmer the resurrection of that which has died—of that past tenderness and
love which inspired deeds requiring superhuman strength. There come again to
the lips proud, long-unsung hymns, and vows of action and loyalty.
And what of that evil,
vigilant, and instigating eye; and what of the traitor whose words mingled with
the passionate words of the young people! Not even the waters of all the cold
oceans can quench the fire of daring love, and all the cunning poisons of the
earth cannot poison it.
Bewitched with the lunar
mystery, the wood stands expectant, nebulous, silent. Incomprehensible and
inaccessible to men is its slow, sure experience, and the secret of its forged
desires.
Into its lunar silence men
have brought the revolt, the speech and laughter of youth; but, overcome by the
lunar mystery, they are suddenly grown silent and meditative.
The open glade in the woods,
enchanted by the green, cold light of the moon, seems very white. Along the
edge of the glade lie the shadows of the trees; they seem unreal and nebulous
and mysteriously still.
The moon, very slowly,
almost stealthily, is rising higher in the pale blue dome. Round, cold, half
lost in the milk-white mist as behind a thin veil, she disperses by her dispassionate
gaze the nebulous, silent tops of the slumbering trees, and looks down upon the
glade with the motionless, inquisitive glance of her white eyes.
The thin particles of dew
scattered over the cold grasses vanish—the white nocturnal haze drinks them
greedily. The air is oppressively sweet. On the edge of the glade a number of
slender, erect, white-limbed birches emerge out of the mist; they are still
asleep, and as innocent as their girl companions who rest beneath them in their
green-white dresses.
XXXIII
Reposing under the slender
birches in the glade is a party of girls, young men and grown-up people. One
sits on the stump of a felled tree, another on the trunk of an old birch struck
down in a storm, a third lies upon an overcoat spread on the grass, a fourth
rests his back against a young birch. There is a single, slight glow of a
cigarette, but this, too, goes out.
In the luminous, haunting
mist everything seems white, translucent, fabulously impressive. And it seems
as though the birches in the glade and the moon in the sky are waiting for
something.
Here is Natasha. Here is
also Natasha’s friend, a college girl from Moscow, white-skinned,
sharp-featured, looking like a healthy little wild beast. Then there are Borya
and his friend, both in linen jackets, both lean, with pale faces and dark,
flaming eyes.
And there is yet another—a
tall, stout figure in a dark blouse. He has an air of self-confidence and seems
to be the most knowing, the most experienced, the most able of those present.
He is surrounded by the
grown-up people and the girls, and he is being questioned. Cheery,
good-natured, impatient voices appeal to him.
“Do sing for us the International.”
Borya, a lad with pale,
frowning forehead, and blue-black circles under his eyes, looks into the
other’s face and implores more heartily than the rest.
The tall, broad-chested
Mikhail Lvovich looks askance and stubbornly refuses to sing.
“I can’t,” he says gruffly.
“My throat is not in condition.”
Borya and Natasha insist.
Mikhail Lvovich then makes a
gesture with his hand and accedes not less gruffly.
“Very well, I’ll sing.”
Every one is overjoyed.
Mikhail Lvovich poses
himself on his knees. Above the mist-white glade, above the white-faced lads,
above the white mist itself, there rises toward the witching moon, floating
tranquilly in the skies, the words of that proud, passionate hymn:
“Arise, ye branded with a
curse!”
Mikhail Lvovich sings. His
eyes are fixed on the ground, upon the cold grass, white in the glamorous light
of the full, clear moon. It is hard to tell whether he does not wish to or
cannot look straight into the eyes of these girls and boys—into these trusting,
clean eyes.
And they have gathered round
him, how closely they have nestled round him, these pure-spirited young girls;
and the young lads, their knees in the grass, follow every movement of his
lips, and join in quietly. The bold melody grows, gains in volume. Like an
exultant prophecy ring the eloquent words:
In the International
As brothers all men shall meet.
XXXIV
Mikhail has finished the
song. For a time no one speaks. Then the agitated voices all ring out together,
stirring the heavy silence of the woods.
Clear, girlish eyes are
looking earnestly upon Mikhail Lvovich’s morose set face. A clear, girlish
voice implores insistently and gently:
“Sing again, please. Be a
dear. Sing it once more. I will make a note of the words. I want to know them
by heart.”
Natasha approaches nearer
and says quietly:
“We will all of us learn the
words and sing them each day, like a prayer. We shall do it with a full heart.”
Mikhail Lvovich at last
lifts his eyes. They are small, sparkling, shrewd. This time they have fixed
themselves severely and inquisitively on Natasha’s face, which suddenly has
become confused at this snake-like glance.
Mikhail Lvovich addresses
her gruffly.
“It doesn’t require much
bravery to sing on the quiet, in the woods. Any one can do that.”
Natasha’s face becomes pale.
Dark flames of unchildish determination kindle in her eyes. Excitedly she
cries:
“We will learn the words,
and we will sing them where they are wanted. My God, are we to depend upon
words, and upon words alone? We are ready for deeds.”
Borya repeats after her: “We
are ready. We shall do all that is necessary. Yes, even die if need be.”
Mikhail Lvovich says with a
calm assurance:
“Yes, I know.”
In his eyes, fixed intently
upon the ground, a dim, small flame is visible.
XXXV
There is a short silence.
Then a thin voice is heard. It is the girl, slender as a young birch, with the
sharp, cheerful little face, who is speaking.
“My God! What strength! What
eloquence!”
Mikhail Lvovich slowly turns
his face toward her. He smiles severely and says nothing.
The girl has her hands
clasped across her knees. It is an extremely pretty pose. Her face has suddenly
assumed a very grave air, breathing passionate entreaty and fiery
determination. She exclaims fervently:
“Let’s all sing the chorus!
Mikhail Lvovich will teach us. You will teach us, Mikhail Lvovich, won’t you?”
“Very well,” Mikhail Lvovich
replies with his usual severe dignity.
He casts his dull, heavy
gaze round the crowded circle of delighted young faces. He alone sits with his
back to the open glade and to the witching moon. His face, now in the shade,
has become even more significant. And his whole bearing is one of imposing
solemnity.
The faces of the younger
people are white in the moonlight. Their garments are luminously bright. Their
voices are brilliantly clear. In their simple trust there is the sense of an
avowal.
“Well, let us begin!”
exclaims the slender girl, somewhat agitated.
Mikhail Lvovich raises his
hand with a solemn gesture and begins:
“Arise, ye branded with a
curse!”
The children sing with a
will, mingling their high, clear voices with Mikhail Lvovich’s deep, low voice.
Their young voices are blazing with the passionate flame of freedom and revolt.
Higher and still higher, above the white mists, above the black forest, toward
the silver clouds and the quiet glimmering stars, toward the aspectful moon,
rise the sounds of the invocation.
And the white-trunked
birches, the milk-white moon, motionless in the sky, the white, silvery grass,
pressed down by children’s knees—all is still, all is silent, all is harkening
with a sensitive ear. Everything around listens with poignant and solemn
intentness to the song of these luminous children who, bathed in the
translucent silver of the cool, lunar glimmer, their knees on the grass, their
eyes burning in their uplifted faces, are repeating faithfully the words sung
by the tall, self-contained young man whose dark face with fixed glance gazes
morosely on the ground. They repeat after him:
In the International
As brothers all men shall meet.
The strange foreign word,
un-Russian in its ring, suggests to them the lofty, holy designation of a
promised land, a new land under new skies, a land in which they have faith.
After the hymn there is
silence, a holy silence, solemn and palpable, reaching from the earth to the
heavens. They might have been in the temple of a new, as yet unknown religion,
in a mystic moment of sacrificial rites.
XXXVI
Mikhail Lvovich is the first
to break the silence. He speaks slowly, looking at no one and directing his
heavy gaze above the children’s pale faces, beyond the flaming ring of their
glances:
“My friends, you know the
sort of time this is. Each one of us can be of use. If any one of us is sent I
hope that none will tremble for his precious life, and that none will be
deterred by the thought of a mother’s sorrow.”
The children exclaim:
“None! None! If they would
but send us!”
“What is the sorrow of a
single mother compared to the suffering of an entire nation!” thinks Natasha
proudly.
There rises up for an
instant a mental image of the ashen-pale face of her mother, her intensely
dark, eloquent eyes. A sharp pain, lasting a moment, pierces her heart. What of
that? It is, after all, but a single instant of weakness. A proud will shall
conquer this slight suffering of a single relative by conferring great love
upon the many, the strangers, the grievous sufferers.
What is the woe of one
mother! Let Niobe weep eternally for her children, killed by the burning,
poisoned arrows of the high Dragon; let Rachel remain unconsoled for ever—what
is the woe of a poor mother? Serene is Apollo’s face, radiant is Apollo’s
dream.
Yet how painful, how painful!
A dimness comes over the transcendent idea, as though the dark countenance of
the ominous figure who sang the proud hymn has dimmed the moon and has cast an
austere shadow upon the heart itself.
And now there is no moon,
and no night, and no white glade in the mist in the forest. The bright day
stares again at Natasha, she is at the window, the book lies before her, the
old house is depressingly silent. The cloud has disappeared, the heavens are
clear again, the evil Dragon is once more aiming his flaming arrows, he
reiterates his conquest anew.
This cruel melancholy must
be faced. Sting, accursed Dragon, burn, torment. Rejoice, conqueror! But even
he must soon go to his setting, and, dying, pour out his blood upon half the
heavens.
XXXVII
Natasha, a yellow straw hat
upon her head, is now walking in the field. The ground is hot, the sky is blue,
the air is sultry and the wind asleep; the corn is yellow, the grass is green.
Bathed again in the bright heat, Natasha prods her sweetly fatiguing memories,
which cast into oblivion this dismal day.
She goes on—and there
stretches before her, even as on a day long ago, the hot golden field, with its
tall stalks inclining their heads in the heat. It is the revival of a former
stifling, sultry midday.
That was in the days when
Natasha still loved the good, human sun, the source of life and joy, the
eternal, the untiring herald of labours and deeds, of deeds beyond the powers
of man.
Oh, the treacherous speech
of the Serpent Tempter! He turns our heads and he entices, and he makes our
poor earth seem like some fabulous kingdom.
Again there is a slight
wavering stir in the sea of the heat-exhausted ears of rye, studded over with
little blue flowers which lower timidly their sweetly-dazed heads from
sultriness.
Natasha and her brother
Boris are walking together, on an inviting narrow path among the golden waves
of rye.
How high the rye is! One can
barely see the green roof of the old house on the right for the tall stalks,
and the semi-circular window in the mezzanine: and on the left the little grey,
rough huts of the village.
Natasha and Boris follow one
another. All around them the dry ears of rye waver and rustle, and among them
are the blue-eyed little cornflowers. The two fragilely slender human
silhouettes answered to the same wavering motion.
Natasha goes ahead. She
turns to see why Boris has lagged behind. The boy, brown and slender, with
large burning eyes, attired in his linen jacket, is gathering the little blue
flowers. He has already gathered almost as many as his hands can hold.
XXXVIII
Natasha, laughing, says to
her brother: “Enough, my dear, enough. I shan’t be able to carry them all.”
“You’ll do it easily enough,
never fear!” Boris answers cheerfully.
Natasha stretches out her
sunburnt hand to take the flowers. The sheaf of blue cornflowers, spreading
across her breast, almost hides her, she is so slender.
Again Boris addresses her
cheerfully: “Well, is it heavy?”
Natasha laughs. Her face
lights up with the joy of gratitude, and with a cheerful, childlike
determination. “I will carry these, but no more!” she says.
“I want to gather as many as
possible for you.” Boris’s voice is serious; “because you know we may not see
each other for some time.” There is a quaver in his voice as he says this.
“Perhaps, never,” Natasha,
growing pensive, replies.
Both faces become sad and
careworn.
Boris, frowning, glances
sideways, and asks: “Natasha, are you going with him?”
Natasha knows that Boris is
inquiring about Mikhail Lvovich, who is now sending her on a dangerous
business, and who has also promised to send Boris on some foolhardy errand. The
brave are so often foolhardy.
“No, I am going alone,”
Natasha replies, “he will only lead me later to the spot.”
Boris looks at Natasha with
gloomy, envious eyes, and asks rather cautiously: “Are you frightened,
Natasha?”
Natasha smiles. And what
pride there is in her smile! She speaks, and her voice is tranquil: “No, Boris,
I feel happy.”
Boris observes that her face
is really happy, and that her dark, flaming eyes are cheerful enough. Looking
at her thus, her tranquillity communicates itself to him, and inspires him with
a calm confidence in himself and in the business in hand.
The children go farther.
Boris again gathers the cornflowers. Natasha is musing about something. She has
broken off an ear of rye, and is absently nibbling at the grain.
XXXIX
It is a long, hot, sultry
day. The inexorable Dragon looks down indifferently upon the children.
Unwearying, he aims his bright, vivid shafts at the sunburnt, fiery-eyed lad
and at the slender, erect, black-eyed girl. His blazing shafts are evil, and
they are well aimed; and his strong clear light is pitiless—but she walks on,
and in her eyes there is hope, and in her eyes there is resolution, and in her
dark eyes there is a flame which sets the soul afire to achieve deeds beyond
the powers of man.
Natasha suddenly pauses at
the end of the path by the dusty road. Her eyes look at Boris full of tender
admiration. It is evident that she desires to stamp upon her memory all the
beloved features of the familiar tanned face—the curve of the dense brows, the
rigid set of the red lips, the firm outlines of the chin, the stern profile.
Natasha sighs lightly and
addresses Boris gently and cheerfully:
“Enough, dearest. They may
not let me into the train with a heap like this. They will say: ‘This should be
put in the luggage van.’”
Both laugh carelessly. And
still Boris is loath to leave the cornflowers. He says:
“Only a few more. I want you
to have a gigantic bouquet.”
“You would have everything
gigantic!” Natasha returns good-humouredly.
But her face is serious. She
knows how deep this quality is in him, and how significant. Boris looks at her,
and in answer repeats his favourite, his most intimate thought:
“Yes, it is true. I love all
bigness, all immoderation. In everything! In everything! If we only acted like
this always! And gave ourselves wholly to a thing! Oh, how different life would
be!”
Natasha, lost in thought,
repeats: “Yes, big things, things beyond the powers of man. To make life lavish.
Only no stinginess, no trembling for one’s skin. Far better to die—to gather
all life into one little knot, and to throw it away!”
“Yes, yes,” says Boris, and
his eyes, dark as night, glow with the fury of a yet distant storm. “We must
have no care for lives, but be lavish with them, lavish to the end—only then
may we reach our goal!”
They cross the road and
again walk calmly along a narrow path. Her dress is white among the golden
waves. Natasha stretches out her slender hand, the ears of rye rustle dryly and
solid seeds of ripe rye fall into it. They are struck from above by the vivid
shafts of the pitiless Dragon.
The children are walking on,
conscious of their vow. They go trustingly, and they do not know that he who
sends them is a traitor, and that their sacrifice is vain.
XL
What is this dry rustling
all around? It is the rye. But where are the little cornflowers, where is
Boris? The little blue-eyed flowers are in the rye, and Boris has been hanged.
“And I?” Natasha asks
herself in a strange, oppressive perplexity. She looks round her like one just
awakened.
“Why am I here?”
She answers herself: “I
escaped. A lucky chance saved me.”
Natasha is oppressed by the
thought. How had she survived it? “Far better if I had perished!”
It all happened very simply.
Natasha, being Number Three, was placed at the railway station itself, her duty
being contingent on the failure of Number One and Number Two. But the first was
successful, though he himself perished in the explosion.
The second, upon hearing the
explosion not far away, lost his presence of mind. He ran to save himself. He
caught a cab, and got off near the river. Here he hired a row-boat. When near
the middle of the river, he threw the bomb into the water. The man who rowed
had guessed that something was wrong. Besides, he had been seen from the
Government steamer and from the banks. Number Two was taken, tried and hanged.
Natasha did not betray
herself in any way. She walked calmly, without haste, bearing her dangerous
burden, observed by no one. She mixed freely with the passing crowd. She
delivered the bomb at the appointed place.
A few days later she left
for home. She had not been followed. Natasha was awaiting a second commission,
and quite suddenly she abandoned the business, because her trust in it had
died.
It happened even before
Borya was hanged. But her decision came finally in those nightmare days when,
quickly and unexpectedly, his life came to an end.
Those were terrible days.
But, no, it is better not to
think of them, it is better not to remember them. To remember them is to
suffer. Far better to remember other things, things cloudless and long past.
XLI
Oh magic mirror of memory,
so much is reflected in thee! Beloved images pass by with a kind of glimmer.
There were the flowers,
which they themselves looked after. There was one flower-bed which they cared
for with especial tenderness. There was the fresh, intoxicating evening aroma
of gilliflower. There was the cluster of jasmine, dewy at dawn, so sweetly and
so gently fragrant, that one wished to weep in its presence, as the grass weeps
its tears of dew at golden dawn.
Then there was the open
space in the garden, and the giant-stride in the centre. What gigantic steps
they took! How fast and how high she flew round with Boris!
How glorious were the
feast-days to the childish hearts. There was Christmas Eve, with its tree, and
candles upon the green branches, with all the many-coloured glitter of golden
nuts, red, green and blue trimmings, snow-white foils of cotton-wool, offerings
which gladdened with their unexpectedness. Then in the daytime there is real
snow, glittering like salt, and crunching under one’s feet; the frost pinches
the cheeks, the sun is shining, their mittens are of the softest down, their
hats are white and soft, the sleds are flying down hillocks—oh, what joy!
And now Easter is here. What
a solemn night! Then the joyous chanting of matins. The candle flames are
everywhere, there seems to be no end to them. There is a smell of Easter cakes.
There are Easter eggs painted in all colours. Every one is kissing each other.
Every one is happy.
“Christoss Voskress!”
“Voistinu Voskress!”
But the dear dead do not
stir.
No. The beloved memories do
not break the continuity of the circle, the resurrection of the others—the
fearsome, tragic memories. Inevitably the vision leads on to the last terrible
moments.
XLII
They lived in the capital
that winter. Boris was studying his final term in the gymnasia. For
Christmas he went to another city: to relatives, he said.
Natasha was suspicious. But
he did not tell her the truth.
“Really, nothing,” he
answered to all her questions. “No one is sending me. I am going of my own
accord. To see Aunt Liuba.”
And Natasha did not insist.
For several days she did not
get any letters from him. But she did not worry. Boris disliked writing
letters. They thought he was enjoying himself.
It was an evening in early
January. Her mother and grandmother had gone out visiting. Natasha, pleading a
headache, remained at home.
“I’ll lie down on the sofa.
It will pass away.”
The truth was she thought
the home of her affected, worldly relatives a dull place, and she had no desire
to go there.
The maid had leave to go
out. Natasha remained in the house alone. She lay down in her room on the sofa
with an interesting new book.
After the cheer and ease of
the holidays, Natasha felt in good spirits. She was comfortable, tranquil and
cheerful. The hangings on the windows were impenetrably opaque. The lamp,
burning brightly and evenly, concealed its garish white blaze from her eyes
under its trimmed, beaded shade. The whole small room was lost in a luminous
twilight.
At last, however, page after
page of running lines of print tired Natasha. She dropped into a doze, and was
shortly sound asleep. The open book fell softly on the rug.
XLIII
Suddenly a bell rings.
Natasha gives a start.
Ours? No. The bell rang so
timidly, so hesitatingly. It was as though she heard it ring in a dream, and
not in reality; again, it might have been the ring of some mischievous urchin.
Perhaps she had only
imagined it. It is so comfortable to doze. She feels too lazy to get up. Let
them ring.
But here is a second ring,
more insistent and louder.
Natasha jumps up and runs
into the vestibule, rearranging her hair on the way. Remembering that she is
alone in the house she does not open the door, but asks: “Who’s there?”
From behind the door she can
hear the low, somewhat hoarse voice of the telegraph boy: “A telegram.”
Her heart begins to beat
with fright. It is always terrible to receive telegrams. For only good news
travels slowly. Bad news makes haste.
Natasha puts one end of the
door-chain to a little hook in the door. Then she opens the door partly and
looks out. There stands the messenger in his uniform, with a metal plate in his
cap. He hands her the telegram.
“Sign here, miss.”
The grey-white, dry paper
trembles in Natasha’s hands. Natasha feels a sudden tug at her heart. She
speaks incoherently:
“What is it? Oh my God!
Sign, did you say?”
She runs to the table. Her
hands tremble. She has managed somehow to scrawl her family name “Ozoreva,” the
pen hesitating and scratching upon the grey paper.
“Here is the signature.”
Across the little door-chain
she thrusts the signed paper and a tip into the hand of the messenger. Then she
bangs the door to after him. Now she is in front of the lamp. What can it be?
Tearing the seal open she
reads. Terrible words. Such simple, yet such incomprehensible words. Because
they are about Boris.
“Boris has shot ——.
Arrested with comrades. Military trial to-morrow. Death sentence threatened.”
XLIV
Natasha re-reads the
telegram. A sudden terror, strangely akin to shame, for a moment strikes at her
heart. She can hear the heavy beat of blood in her temples. She is, as it were,
being strangled from all sides; she can hardly breathe; the walls seem to have
come together, oppressing her on all sides; and the rapid, pale, pencilled
strokes seem also to have run together into one jumble on the grey paper.
Certain thoughts, one after
the other, slowly make way into Natasha’s dimmed consciousness—oppressive,
evil, pitiless thoughts.
Stupefied, she wonders how
she shall tell her mother. She observes that her hands tremble. She recalls the
telephone number of the Lareyevs, where her mother undoubtedly is.
Then terror seizes her anew;
she shivers violently from head to foot as with ague. Her mind is a whirl of
confusion.
“No, it is a mistake! It
cannot be. It is a cruel, senseless mistake! It is some one’s stupid, cruel
joke.”
Boris, our beloved boy, with
his fine honest eyes—think of him hanging! There will be a rattle in his
throat, as strangling, he will swing in the noose. With sharp, clutching pain,
the gentle, childish neck will tighten; the sunburnt face will grow purple; the
swollen tongue will creep out all in froth, and the widely dilated eyes will
reflect the terror of cruel death.
No, no, it cannot be! It is
a mistake! But who can be malicious enough to make such a mistake?
And then where is Boris?
Her cold reasoning says that
it is so, that no mistake has been made. The words are clear, the address is
correct—yes, yes! It was really to be expected. Here it is, this lavishness of
life which he dreamt of, which they both dreamt of. “I love all immoderation.
To be lavish—only then we may reach our goal!”
Her legs tremble. She feels
herself terribly weak. She sits down on the sofa.
Oh God, what’s to be done?
How is she to tell her mother this terrible thing?
Or should she conceal it?
And do everything that could be done by herself? But no, she could do
ridiculously little herself!
It is necessary to tell. It
must be done quickly. She must not lose an instant. Perhaps it is still
possible to save Boris, by going, by petitioning.
Why is she sitting still
then? It is necessary to act at once.
Natasha seizes the
telephone. What a long time the operator takes to answer.
At last she is connected.
She can hear sounds of music and the hum of voices.
A cheerful, familiar voice
asks:
“Who’s there?”
“It is Natasha Ozoreva.”
“Good evening, Natasha,”
says Marusya Lareyeva loudly. “What a pity you did not come. We are having a
fine time.”
“Good evening, dear Marusya.
Is mamma with you?”
“Yes, she is here. Shall I
call her?”
“No, no, for God’s sake. Let
some one break it to her....”
“Has anything happened?”
“Marusya, a terrible
misfortune. Our Boris has been arrested.”
“My God! For what?”
“I don’t know. He’ll have a
military trial. I feel desperate. It’s so terrible. For God’s sake, don’t
frighten mother too much. Tell her to come home at once, please.”
“Oh, my God, how awful!”
“Oh, Marusya, dearest, for
God’s sake, be quick.”
“I’ll tell my mother at
once. Wait at the telephone, Natasha.”
Natasha holds the receiver
to her ear and waits. She hears the noise of footsteps. Some one has begun to
sing.
Then again the same voice,
extremely agitated:
“Natasha, do you hear? Your
mother wants to speak to you herself.”
Natasha trembles with
fright. Good God, what shall she tell her mother! She inquires:
“What? Is she coming herself
to the telephone?” she asks.
“Yes, yes. Your mother is
here now.”
XLV
The voice of Sofia
Alexandrovna, terribly agitated, is heard:
“Natasha, is that you? For
God’s sake, what has happened?”
Natasha replies:
“Yes, mamma, it is I. A
telegram has come. Mamma, don’t be frightened, it must be a mistake.”
This time the voice is more
controlled.
“Read me the telegram at
once.”
“Just a moment. I’ll get
it,” says Natasha.
The telegram is read.
“What, a military trial?”
“Yes, military.”
“To-morrow?”
“Yes, yes, to-morrow.”
“Death sentence threatened?”
“Mamma, please be yourself,
for God’s sake. Perhaps something can be done.”
“We must go there. Get the
things ready, Natasha. Mother and I are returning at once, and we will take the
first train out.”
The conversation is at an
end.
Natasha is alone. She runs
about the deserted house, letting things fall in the poignant silence. She is
busy with travelling bags and with pillows.
She stops to look at the
time-table. There is a train at half-past twelve. Yes, there is still time to
catch it.
Then the bell rings,
frightening her even more than the earlier ring. The mother and the grandmother
have arrived, pale and distraught.
XLVI
A sleepless, wearisome
journey in the train. The wheels roll on with a measured, jarring sound. Stops
are made. How slow it all is! How agonizing! If only it would be quicker, quicker!
Or were it better to wish
that time should be arrested? That its huge, shaggy wings outspread and
flapping above the world should suddenly become motionless? That its owlish
glance should be stilled for ever in the instant just before the terrible word
is said?
They reach their destination
in the morning. At the station, a dirty, dejected place, they are met by a
cousin of Natasha’s, an attorney by profession. From his pale, worried face,
they guess that everything is over.
He talks quickly and incoherently.
He comforts them with hopes in which he himself does not believe. The trial had
been held early that morning. Boris and both his comrades—all of the same green
youth—had been sentenced to die by hanging. The court would entertain no
appeal. The only hope lay in the district general. He was really not a bad man
at heart. Perhaps, by imploring, he might be induced to lighten the sentence to
that of hard labour for an indefinite period.
Poor mothers! What is it
they implore?
XLVII
Sofia Alexandrovna and
Natasha arrived at the general’s. They waited long in the quiet, cold-looking
reception-room; the glossy parquet floor shone, portraits in heavy gilt frames
hung on the walls, and the careful steps of uniformed officials, coming through
a large white door, resounded from time to time.
At last they were received.
The general listened most amiably, but declined emphatically to do anything. He
rose, clinked his spurs, and stretched himself to his full height; He stood
there tall, erect, his breast decorated with orders, his head grey, his face
ruddy, with black eyebrows and broad nose.
In vain the humiliating
entreaties.
Pale, the proud mother knelt
before the general and, weeping bitterly, she kissed his hands and at last
threw herself at his feet—all in vain. She received the cold answer:
“I am sorry, madam, it is
impossible. I understand your affliction, I sympathize fully; with your sorrow,
but what can I do? Whose fault is it? Upon me lies a great responsibility
toward my Emperor and my country. I have my duty—I can’t help you. It is
against yourself that you ought to bring your reproaches—you’ve brought him
up.”
Of what avail the tears of a
poor mother? Strike thy head upon the parquet floor, bend thy face to the black
glitter of his boots; or else depart, proud and silent. It is all the same, he
can do nothing. Thy tears and thy entreaties do not touch him, thy curses do
not offend him. He is a kind man, he is the loving father of a family, but his
upright martial soul does not tremble before the word death. More than once he
had risked his life boldly in battle—what is the life of a conspirator to him?
“But he is a mere boy!”
“No, madam, this is not a
childish prank. I am sorry.”
He walks away. She hears the
measured clinking of his spurs. The parquet floor reflects dimly his tall,
erect figure.
“General, have pity!”
The cold, white door has
swung to after him. She hears the quiet, pleasant voice of a young official. He
raises her from the floor and helps her to find her way out.
XLVIII
They granted a last meeting.
A few minutes passed in questions, answers, embraces, and tears.
Boris said very little.
“Don’t cry, mamma. I am not
afraid. There is nothing else they can do. They don’t feed you at all badly
here. Remember me to all. And you, Natasha, take care of mother. One sacrifice
is enough from our family. Well, good-bye.”
He seemed somehow callous
and distant. He seemed to be thinking of something else, of something he could
tell no one. And his words had an external ring, as though merely to make
conversation.
That night, before daybreak,
Boris was hanged. The scaffold was set up in the gaol courtyard. The spot where
he was buried was kept secret.
The mother implored the next
day: “Show me his grave at least!”
What was there to show! He
was laid in a coffin, he was put into a hole in the earth and the soil that
covered him was smoothed down to its original level—we all know how such
culprits are buried.
“Tell me at least how he
died.”
“Well, he was a brave one.
He was calm, a bit serious. And he refused a priest, and would not kiss the
cross.”
They returned home. A fog of
melancholy hung over them, and within them there lit up a spark of mad hope—no,
Borya is not dead, Borya will return.
XLIX
The thought that Boris had
been hanged could not enter into their habitual, everyday thoughts. Only in the
hour when the sun was at its zenith, and in the hour of the midnight moon, it
would penetrate their awakened consciousness like a sharp poniard. Again it
would pierce the soul with a sharp, tormenting pain, and again it would vanish
in the dim mist of dawn with a kind of dull agony. And again, the same
unreasonable conviction would awake in their hearts.
No, Borya will return. The
bell will suddenly ring, and the door will be opened to him.
“Oh, Borya! Where have you
been wandering?”
How we shall kiss him! And
how much there will be to tell!
“What does it matter where
you have been wandering. You have been wandering, and, you have been found,
like the prodigal son.”
How happy all will be!
The old nurse will not be
consoled. She wails:
“Boryushka, Boryushka, my
incomparable one! I say to him: ‘Boryushka, I’m going to the poor-house!’ And
he says to me: ‘No,’ says he, ‘nyanechka,[4] I’ll not let you go to the
poor-house. I,’ he says, ‘will let you stop with me, nyanechka;
only wait till I grow up,’ says he, ‘and you can live with me.’ Oh, Boryushka,
what’s this you’ve done!”
In the morning the old nurse
enters the vestibule. Whose grey overcoat is it that she sees hanging on the
rack? It is Borya’s, his gymnasia uniform. Has he then not
gone to the gymnasia to-day?
She wanders into the
dining-room, making a muffled noise with her soft slippers.
“Natashenka, is Boryushka
home to-day? His overcoat’s there on the rack. Or is he sick?”
“Nyanechka!” exclaims
Natasha.
And, frightened, she looks
at her mother.
The old nurse has suddenly
remembered. She is crying. The grey head shivers in its black wrap. The old
woman wails:
“I go there and I look,
what’s that I see? Borya’s overcoat. I say to myself, Borya’s gone to the gymnasia,
why’s his overcoat here? It’s no holiday. Oh, my Boryushka is gone!”
She wails louder and louder.
Then the old woman falls to the floor and begins to beat the boards with her
head.
“Borechka, my own Borechka!
If the Lord had only taken me, an old woman, instead of him. What’s the use of
life to me? I drag along, of no cheer to myself or to any one else.”
Natasha, helpless, tries to
quiet her.
“Nyanechka, dearest,
rest a little.”
“May Thou rest me, O Lord!
My heart told me something was wrong. I’ve been dreaming all sorts of bad
dreams. These black dreams have come true! Oh, Borechka, my own!”
The old woman continues to
beat her head and to wail. Natasha implores her mother:
“For God’s sake, mamma, have
Borya’s overcoat taken from the rack.”
Sofia Alexandrovna looks at
her with her dark, smouldering eyes and says morosely:
“Why? It had better hang
there. He might suddenly need it.”
Oh, hateful memories! As
long as the evil Dragon reigns in the heavens it is impossible to escape them.
Natasha roams restlessly,
she can find no place for herself. She is off to the woods; she recalls Boris
there, and that he has been hanged. She is off to the river; she recalls Boris
there, and that he is no more. She is back at home, and the walls of the old
house recall Boris to her, and that he will not return.
Like a pale shadow the
mother wanders along the walks of the garden, choosing to pause there where the
shade is densest. The old grandmother sits upon a bench and finishes the
reading of the newspapers. It is the same every day.
[4] Little
nurse.
L
And now the evening is
approaching. The sun is low and red. It looks straight into people’s eyes as
though, while expiring, it were begging for mercy. A breeze blows from the
river, and it brings the laughter of white water nymphs.
A number of noisy urchins
are running in the road; their shirt-tails flap merrily in the wind, while
their sleeves are filled with wind like balloons. The sound of a harmonica
comes from the distance, and its song runs on very merrily. The corncrake
screeches in the field, and its call resembles a general’s loud snore.
The old house once more
casts and arranges its long dark shadows disturbed by the intrusive day. Its
windows blaze forth with the red fire of the evening sun.
The gilliflower exhales its
seductive aroma in some of the distant paths. The roses seem even redder in the
sunset, and more sweet. The eternal Aphrodite—the naked marble of her proud
body taking on a rose tint—smiles again, and lets fall her draperies as
fascinatingly as ever.
And everything is directed
as before toward cherished, unreasonable hopes. Enfeebled by the day’s heat,
and by the sadness of the bright day, the harassed soul has exhausted its
measure of suffering, and it falls from the iron embrace of sorrow to the
beloved dark earth of the past, once more besprinkled with dreamily refreshing
dew.
And again, as at dawn, the
three women in the old house await Boris, or a short time happy in their
madness.
They await him, and they
chat of him, until, from behind the trees of the dark wood, the cold moon shows
her ever sad face. The dead moon is under a white shroud of mist.
Then again they remember
that Borya has been hanged, and they meet at the green-covered pond to weep for
him.
LI
Natasha is the first to
leave the house. She has on a white dress and a black cloak. Her black hair is
covered with a thin black kerchief. Her very deep dark eyes shine with
flame-like brightness. She stands, her pale face uplifted toward the moon. She
awaits the other two.
Elena Kirillovna and Sofia
Alexandrovna arrive together.
Elena Kirillovna leaves the
house slightly earlier, but Sofia Alexandrovna runs after her and overtakes her
almost at the pond. They wear black cloaks, black kerchiefs on their heads, and
black shoes.
Natasha begins:
“On the night before the
execution he did not sleep. The moon, just as clear as to-night’s, looked into
the narrow window of his cell. On the floor the moon sadly outlined a green
rhomb, intersected lengthwise and crosswise by narrow dark strokes. Boris
walked up and down his cell, and looked now at the moon, now at the green
rhomb, and thought—I wish I knew his thoughts that night.”
Her remark has a quite
tranquil sound. It might have been about a stranger.
Sofia Alexandrovna now and
again wrings her hands, and as she begins to speak her voice is agitated and
heavy with grief:
“What can one think at such
moments! The moon, long dead, looks in. There are five steps from the door to
the window, four steps across. The mind springs feverishly from object to
object. That the execution is to take place on the morrow is the one thing you
try not to think of. Stubbornly you repel the thought. But it remains, it
refuses to depart, it throttles the soul with an oppressive, horrible
nightmare. The anguish is intense and enfeebling. But I do not wish my gaolers
and all these officials who are come to me to see my anguish. I will be calm.
And yet what anguish—if only, lifting up my pale face, I could cry aloud to the
pale moon!”
Elena Kirillovna whispers
faintly:
“Terrible, Sonyushka.”
There are tears in her
voice—simple, old-womanish, grandmotherly tears.
LII
Sofia Alexandrovna, ignoring
the interruption, continues:
“Why should I really go to
my death boldly and resolutely? Is it not all the same? I shall die in the
courtyard, in the dark of night. Whether I die boldly, or weep like a coward,
or beg for mercy, or resist the executioner—is it not all the same? No one will
know how I died. I shall face death alone. Why should I really suffer this wild
anguish? I will raise up my voice to wail and to weep, and I will shake the
whole gaol with my despairing cries, and I will awake the town, the so-called
free town, which is only a larger gaol—so that I shall not suffer alone, but
that others shall share in my last agony, in my last dread. But no, I won’t do
that. It is my fate to die alone.”
Natasha rises, trembles,
presses her mother’s cold hand in hers, and says:
“Mamma, mamma, it is
terrible, if alone. No, don’t say that he felt alone. We shall be with him.”
Elena Kirillovna whispers:
“Yes, Sonyushka, it would be
terrible alone. In such moments!”
“We are with him,” insists
Natasha vehemently. “We are with him now.”
A smile is on Sofia
Alexandrovna’s lips, a smile such as a dying person smiles to greet his last
consolation. Sofia Alexandrovna speaks:
“My last consolation is the
thought that I am not alone. He is with me. These walls are unrealities, this
gaol built by men is a lie. What is real and true is my suffering and I am one
with them in my grief. A poor consolation! And yet I, just think, this
extraordinary I, Boris, I am dying.”
“I am dying,” repeats
Natasha.
Her voice is clouded, and it
is fraught with despair. And all three remain silent for a brief while,
overcome by the spell of these tragic words.
LIII
Sofia Alexandrovna speaks
again. Her voice sounds tranquil, deliberate, measured:
“There is no consolation for
the dying. His grief is boundless. The cold moon continues to torment him. A
moan struggles to break from his throat, a moan like the wild baying of a caged
beast.”
Natasha speaks sadly:
“But he is not alone, not
alone. We are with him in his grief.”
Her eyes, darker than a dark
night, look up toward the lifeless moon, and the green enchantress, reflected
in them, torments her with a dull pain.
Sofia Alexandrovna
smiles—and her smile is dead—and with the voice of inconsolable sorrow she speaks
again slowly and calmly:
“We are with him only in his
despair, in his pitiful inconsolability, in his dark solitude. But he was
alone, alone, when he was strangled by the hand of a hired hangman; strangled
in that dark enclosure which it is not for us to demolish. And the dead moon
tormented him, as it torments us. She tempted him with the mad desire to moan
wildly, like a wild beast before dying. And now we, in this hour, under this
moon—are we not also tormented by the same mad desire to run, to run far from
people, and to moan and to wail, and to flee from a grief too great to be
borne!”
She rises abruptly and walks
away, wringing her beautiful white hands. She walks fast, almost runs, driven
as it were by some strange, furious will not her own. Natasha follows her with
the measured yet rapid, deliberate, mechanical gait of an automaton. And behind
them trips along Elena Kirillovna, who lets fall a few scant tears on her black
cloak.
The moon follows them
callously in their hurried journey across the garden, across the field, into
that wood, into that still glade, where once the children sang their proud
hymn, and where they let their mad desires be known to one who was to betray
them for a price—young blood for gold.
The grass in the fields is
wet with dew. The river is white with mist. The high moon is clear and cold.
Everywhere it is quiet, as though all the earthly rustlings and noises had lost
themselves in the moon’s dead light.
LIV
And here is the glade.
“Natasha, do you remember? How warmly they all sang Arise, ye branded
with a curse! Natasha, will you sing it again? Do. Is it a torture?”
“I’ll sing,” replies Natasha
quietly.
She sings in a low voice,
almost to herself. The mother listens, and the grandmother listens—but what
have the birches and the grass and the clear moon to do with human songs!
In the International
As brothers all men shall meet!
Her song is at an end. The
wood is silent. The moon waits. The mist is pensive. The birches seem to
listen. The sky is clear.
Ah, for whom is all this
life? Who calls? Who responds? Or is it all the play of the dead?
Loudly wailing, the mother
calls: “Borya, Borya!”
Overflowing with tears Elena
Kirillovna replies: “Borya won’t come. There is no Borya.”
Natasha stretches out her
arms toward the lifeless moon, and cries out: “Borya has been hanged!”
All three now stand side by
side, looking at the moon, and weeping. Louder grows their sobbing, fiercer the
note of despair. Their moans merge finally into a prolonged, wild wailing,
which can be heard for some distance.
The dog at the forester’s
hut is restless. Trembling with all his lean body, his short hair bristling, he
has pricked up his ears. Rising, he stretches his slender limbs. His sharp
muzzle, showing its teeth, is uplifted to the tormenting moon. His eyes burn
with a yearning flame. The dog bays in answer to the distant wail of the women
in the wood.
People are asleep.
3.THE UNITER OF SOULS
Garmonov was extremely
young, and had not yet learnt to time his visits; he usually came at the wrong
hour and did not know when to leave. He realized at last that he was boring
Sonpolyev almost to madness. It dawned upon him that he was taking Sonpolyev
from his work. He recalled that Sonpolyev had borne himself with a constrained
politeness toward him, and that at times a caustic phrase escaped his lips.
Garmonov grew painfully red,
a sudden flame spread itself under the smooth skin of his drawn cheeks. He rose
irresolutely. Then he sat down again, for he saw that Sonpolyev was about to
say something. Sonpolyev took up the thread of the conversation in a depressed
voice:
“So you’ve put a mask on!
What do you want me to understand by that?”
Garmonov muttered in a
confused way:
“It’s necessary to dissemble
sometimes.”
Sonpolyev would not listen
further, but gave way to his irritation:
“What do you understand
about it? What do you know of masks? There is no mask without a responding
soul. It is impossible to put on a mask without harmonizing your soul with its
soul. Otherwise the mask is uncovered.”
Sonpolyev grew silent, and
looked miserably before him. He did not look at Garmonov. He felt again a
strange, instinctive hate for him, such as he felt at their first meeting. He
had always tried to hide this hate under a mask of great heartiness; he had
urged Garmonov most earnestly to visit him, and praised Garmonov’s verses to
every one. But from time to time he spoke coarse, malicious words to the timid
young man, who then flushed violently and shrank back within himself. Sonpolyev
was quick to pity him, but soon again he detested his cautious, sluggish ways;
he thought him secretive and cunning.
Garmonov rose, said
good-bye, and went out. Sonpolyev was left alone. He felt miserable because his
work had been interrupted. He no longer felt in the same working mood. A secret
malice tormented him. Why should this seemingly insignificant youth, Garmonov,
evoke such bitterness in him? He had a large mouth, a long, very smooth face;
his movements were slow, his voice had a drawl; there was something ambiguous
about him, and enigmatical.
Sonpolyev began sadly to
pace the room. He stopped before the wall, and began to speak. There are many
people nowadays who have long conversations with the wall—the wall, indeed,
makes an interested interlocutor, and a faithful one.
“It is possible,” he said,
“to hate so strongly and so poignantly only that which is near to one. But in
what does this devilish nearness consist? By what impure magic has some demon
bound our souls together? Souls so unlike one another! Mine, that of a man of
action with a bent for repose; and his, the soul of a large-mouthed fledgling,
who is as cunning as a conspirator, and as cautious as a coward. And what is
there in his character that conflicts so strangely with his appearance? Who has
stolen the best and most needful part from this moly-coddle’s soul?”
He spoke quietly, almost in
a murmur. Then he exclaimed as though in a rage:
“Who has done this? Man, or
the enemy of man?”
And he heard the strange
answer:
“I!”
Some one spoke this word in
a clear, shrill voice. It was like the sharp yet subdued ring of rusty steel.
Sonpolyev trembled nervously. He looked round him. There was no one in the
room.
He sat down in the arm-chair
and looked, scowling, on the table, buried under books and papers; and he
waited. He awaited something. The waiting grew painful. He said loudly:
“Well, why do you hide?
You’ve begun to speak, you might as well appear. What do you wish to say? What
is it?”
He began to listen intently.
His nerves were strained. It seemed as though the slightest noise would have
sounded like an archangel’s trumpet.
Then there was sudden
laughter. It was sharp, and it was like the sound of rusty metal. The spring of
some elaborate toy seemed to unwind itself, and trembled and tinkled in the
subdued quiet of the evening. Sonpolyev put the palms of his hands over his
temples, and rested upon his elbows. He listened intently. The laugh died away
with mechanical evenness. It was evident that it came from somewhere quite
near, perhaps from the table itself.
Sonpolyev waited. He gazed
with intent eyes at the bronze inkstand. He asked derisively: “Ink sprite, was
it not you that laughed?”
The sharp voice, quite
unlike the muffled voice of phantoms, answered with the same derision: “No, you
are mistaken; and you are not very brilliant. I am not an ink sprite. Don’t you
know the rustling voices of ink sprites? You are a poor observer.”
And again there was
laughter, again the rusty spring tinkled as it unwound itself.
Sonpolyev said: “I don’t
know who you are—and how should I know! I cannot see you. Only I think that you
are like the rest of your fraternity: you are always near us, you poke your
noses into everything, and you bring sadness and evil spells upon us; yet you
dare not show yourselves before our eyes.”
The metallic voice replied:
“The fact is, I came to have a talk with you. I love to talk with such as
yourself—with half-folk.”
The voice grew silent, and
Sonpolyev waited for it to laugh. He thought: “He must punctuate his every
phrase with that hideous laughter.”
Indeed, he was not mistaken.
The strange visitor really talked in this way: first he would speak a few
words, then he would burst out into his sharp, rusty laughter. It seemed as
though he used his words to wind up the spring, and that later the spring
relaxed itself with his laughter.
And while his laughter was
still dying away with mechanical evenness the guest showed himself from behind
the inkstand.
He was small, and was no
taller from head to foot than the fourth finger. He was grey-steel in colour.
Owing to his small stature and to his rapid movements it was hard to tell
whether the dim glow came from the body, or from a garment that stretched
lightly over it. In any case it was something smooth, something expressly
simple. The body seemed like a slender keg, broader at the belt, narrower at
the shoulders and below. The arms and legs were of equal length and thickness,
and of like nimbleness and flexibility; it seemed as though the arms were very
long and thick, and the legs disproportionately short and thin. The neck was
short. The face was hardy. The legs were widely astride. At the end of the back
something was visible in the nature of a tail or a thick cone; like growths
were upon the sides, under the elbows. The strange figure moved quickly,
nimbly, and surely.
The monster sat down on the
bronze ridge of the inkstand, pushing aside the wooden pen-holder with his foot
in order to be more comfortable. He grew quiet.
Sonpolyev examined his face.
It was lean, grey, and smooth. His eyes were small and glowed brightly. His
mouth was large. His ears stuck out and were pointed at the top.
He sat there, grasping the
ridge with his hands, like a monkey. Sonpolyev asked: “Gracious guest, what do
you want to say to me?”
And in answer a slight
voice—mechanically even, unpleasantly sharp and rather rusty in tone—made
itself heard: “Man with a single head and a single soul, recall your past, your
primitive experience of those ancient days when you and he lived in the same
body.”
And again there was
laughter, shrill and sharp, piercing the ear.
While he was still laughing,
the guest, with mechanical agility, turned a somersault; he stood on his hands,
and Sonpolyev saw for the first time what he had taken for a tail was really a
second head. This head did not differ in any way, as far as he could see, from
the other head. Whether the heads were too small for him to observe, or whether
the heads did not actually differ, it was quite certain that Sonpolyev did not
see the slightest distinction between them. The arms reversed themselves as on
hinges, and became quite like the legs; the first head, then losing its colour,
hid itself between these arm-legs; while the former legs reversed themselves
mechanically and became the arms.
Sonpolyev looked at his
strange guest with astonishment. The guest made wry faces and danced. And when
at last he grew still and his laughter gradually died away, the second head
began to speak: “How many souls have you, and how many consciousnesses? Can you
tell me that? You pride yourself on the amazing differentiation of your organs,
you have an idea that each member of your body fulfils its own well-defined
functions. But tell me, stupid man, have you anything whereby to preserve the
memory of your previous existences? The other head contains the rest of you,
your early memories and your earlier experience. You argue subtly and craftily
across the threshold of your pitiful consciousness, but your misfortune is that
you have only one head.”
The guest burst out again
into rusty, metallic laughter, and he laughed this time rather long. He laughed
and he danced at the same time. He turned somersaults, or he rested upon one
arm and upon one leg, thereby causing one of his sides to turn upward—until it
was impossible to distinguish any of his four extremities. Afterwards his limbs
again turned mechanically, and it became obvious that the growths on his sides
were also heads. Each head spoke and laughed in its turn. Each head grimaced,
mocked at him.
Sonpolyev exclaimed in great
fury: “Be silent!”
The guest danced, shouted,
and laughed.
Sonpolyev thought: “I must
catch him and crush him. Or I must smash the monster with a blow of the heavy
press.”
But the guest continued to
laugh and to make wry faces.
“I dare not take him with my
hands,” thought Sonpolyev. “He might burn or scorch me. A knife would be
better.”
He opened his penknife. Then
he quickly directed its sharp point toward the middle of his guest’s body. The
four-headed monster gathered himself into a ball, flapped his four paws, and
burst into piercing laughter. Sonpolyev threw his knife on the table, and
exclaimed: “Hateful monster! What do you want of me?”
The guest jumped upon the
sharply pointed lid of the inkstand, perched himself upon one foot, stretched
his arms upward, and exclaimed in an ugly, shrill voice: “Man with one head,
recall your remote past when you and he were in the same body. The time you
shared together in a dangerous adventure. Recall the dance of that terrible
hour.”
Suddenly it grew dark. The
laughter resounded, hoarse and hideous. The head was going round....
Light columns moved forward
out of the darkness. The ceiling was low. The torches glowed dimly. The red
tongues of flame wavered in the scented air. The flute poured out its notes.
Handsome young limbs moved in measure to its music.
And it seemed to Sonpolyev
that he was young and powerful, and that he was dancing round a banqueting
table. A shrivelled, insolent, drunken face was looking at him; the banqueter
was laughing uproariously, he was happy, and the dance of the half-naked youths
pleased him. Sonpolyev felt that a furious rage was strangling him, and was
hindering him from carrying out his project. He danced past the carousing man
and his hands trembled. A reddish mist of hate dimmed his sight.
His second soul wakened at the
same time; it was the cunning, the sidling, the feline soul. This time the
youth smiled at the happy man; he floated gracefully past him, a sweet, gentle
boy. The banqueter laughed loudly. The youth’s naked limbs and bared torso
cheered the lord of the feast.
And again there was hate,
which dimmed his eyes with a red haze, and caused his hands to tremble with
fury.
Some one whispered angrily:
“Are we going to twirl so long fruitlessly? It is time. It is time. Put an end
to it!”
The friendly spirits prevailed.
The two souls flowed together. Hate and cunning became one. There was a light,
floating movement, then a powerful stroke; nimble feet swept the youth into the
swift, beautiful dance. There was a hoarse outcry. Then an uproar. Everything
became confused....
And again there was
darkness.
Sonpolyev awoke: the same
small monster was dancing on the table, grimacing and laughing uproariously.
Sonpolyev asked: “What’s the
meaning of this?”
His guest replied: “Two
souls once dwelt in this youth, and one of them is now yours; it is a soul of
exultant emotions and of passionate desires, it is an ever insatiable,
trembling soul.”
Then there was laughter,
jarring on the ear. The monster danced on.
Sonpolyev shouted: “Stop,
you dance devil! It seems to me you wish to say that the second soul of this
primitive youth lives in the feeble body of this despicable, smooth-faced
youngster?”
The guest stopped laughing
and exclaimed:
“Man, you have at last
understood what I wished to tell you. Now perhaps you will guess who I am, and
why I have come.”
Sonpolyev waited until the
trembling, shrill laughter ceased, and he answered his guest:
“You are the uniter of
souls. But why did you not join us at our birth?”
The monster hissed, curled
up, then stopped and threw upward one of his side heads and exclaimed:
“We can repair this if you
like. Do you wish it?”
“I wish it,” Sonpolyev
replied quickly.
“Call him to you on New
Year’s Eve, and call me. This hair will enable you to summon me.”
The monster ran quickly to
the lamp, and placing upon its stand a short, thin black hair continued
speaking: “When you light it I’ll come. But you ought to know that neither you
nor he will preserve afterward a separate existence. And the man who will
depart from here shall contain both souls, but it will be neither you nor he.”
Then he disappeared. His
shrill, rusty laughter still resounded and tormented the ear, but Sonpolyev no
longer saw any one before him. Only a black hair on the flat stand of the lamp
reminded him of his guest.
Sonpolyev took the hair and
put it into his purse.
The
last day of the year was approaching midnight.
Garmonov was sitting once
more at Sonpolyev’s. They spoke quietly, in subdued voices. It was painful.
Sonpolyev asked: “You do not regret coming to my lonely party?”
The smooth-faced young man
smiled, and this made his teeth seem very white. He drawled out his words very
slowly, and what he said was so tedious and so empty that Sonpolyev had no
desire to listen to him. Sonpolyev, without continuing the conversation, asked
quite bluntly: “You remember your earlier existence?”
“Not very well,” answered
Garmonov.
It was clear that he did not
understand the question, and that he thought Sonpolyev had asked him about his
childhood.
Sonpolyev frowned in his
vexation. He began to explain what he wished to say. He felt that his speech
was involved and long. And this vexed him still more.
But Garmonov had understood.
He grew cheerful. He flushed slightly. His words had a more animated sound than
usual: “Yes, yes, I sometimes feel that I have lived before. It is such a
strange feeling. It’s as though that life was fuller, bolder and freer; and
that I dared to do things that I dare not do now.
“And isn’t it true,” asked
Sonpolyev in some agitation, “that you feel as though you had lost something,
as though you now lack the most significant part of your being?”
“Yes,” answered Garmonov
with emphasis. “That’s precisely my feeling.”
“Would you like to restore
this missing part?” Sonpolyev continued to question. “To be once more as
before, whole and bold; to contain in one body—which shall feel itself light
and young and free—the fullness of life and the union of the antagonistic
identities of our human breed. To be, indeed, more than whole; to feel as it
were, in one’s breast, the beating of a doubled heart; to be this and that; to
join two clashing souls within oneself, and to wrest the necessary manhood and
hardihood for great deeds from the fiery struggle of intense contradictions.”
“Yes, yes,” said Garmonov,
“I, too, sometimes dream about this.”
Sonpolyev was afraid to look
at the irresolute, confused, smooth face of his young visitor. He vaguely
feared that Garmonov’s face would disconcert him. He made haste.
Besides, midnight was
approaching. Sonpolyev said quietly: “I have the means in my hands to realize
this dream. Do you wish to have it realized?”
“I should like to,” said
Garmonov irresolutely.
Sonpolyev raised his eyes.
He looked at Garmonov with firmness and decision, as though he demanded
something urgent and indispensable from him. He looked with a fixed intentness
into the dark youthful eyes, which should have flamed fire, but instead they
were the cold, crafty eyes of a little man with half a soul.
But it seemed to Sonpolyev
that under his fixed fiery gaze Garmonov’s eyes were becoming inflamed with
enthusiasm and burning wrath. The young man’s smooth face had suddenly become
significant and stern.
“Do you wish it?” Sonpolyev
asked him once more.
Garmonov replied quickly,
with decision:
“I wish it.”
And then a strange, sharp,
shrill voice pronounced: “Oh, small and cunning man; you who once during your
ancient existence did a deed of great hardihood—that was when you joined your
crafty soul to the flaming soul of an indignant man—tell us in this great, rare
hour, have you firmly decided to merge your soul with the other, the different
soul?”
And Garmonov answered even
more quickly and more decisively: “I wish to!”
Sonpolyev listened to the
shrill voice of the questioner. He recognized him. He was not mistaken: the “I
wish to!” of Garmonov had already lost itself in the rusty, metallic laughter
of that extraordinary visitor.
Sonpolyev waited until the
laughter ceased; then he said: “But you should know that you will have to
reject all dissembling. And all the joys of separate existence. Once I achieve
my magic we shall both perish, and we shall set free our souls, or rather we
shall fuse them together, and there shall be neither I nor you—there will be
one in our place, and he shall be fiery in his conception, and cold in his
execution. Both of us will have to go, in order to give a place to him, in whom
both of us will be united. My friend, have you resolved upon this terrible
thing? It is a great and terrible thing.”
Garmonov smiled a strange,
faltering smile. But the fiery glance of Sonpolyev extinguished the smile; and
the young man, as if submitting to some inevitable and fated command,
pronounced in a dim, lifeless voice: “I have decided. I wish it. I am not
afraid.”
Sonpolyev took the hair out
of his wallet with trembling fingers. He lit a candle. Behind it hid the
four-headed visitor. His grey body seemed to quake; and it vacillated in the
wavering flame that fondled in its flickering embraces the white body of the
submissive candle.
Garmonov opened his eyes
wide, and they steadfastly followed Sonpolyev’s movements. Sonpolyev put one
end of the hair to the flame. The hair curled slightly, grew red, gave a flare.
It burned very slowly, with a quiet rhythmic crackle, which resembled the laugh
of the nocturnal guest.
The words of the strange
guest were simple but terrible. At first Sonpolyev was barely conscious of
them; he was so agitated and so absorbed by the burning of the magic hair that
he could see no connexion with the simple, familiar words of the monster.
Suddenly terror came upon him. He had understood. There was derision in those
simple, terribly simple words.
“Little soul, failing little
soul, timid little soul.”
Sonpolyev, frightened,
looked at Garmonov. The smooth-faced young man sat there strangely shrunken.
His face was pale. Beads of perspiration showed on his forehead. A pitiful,
forced smile twisted his lips. When he saw that Sonpolyev was looking at him he
shrank even more, and whispered in a broken, hollow voice, as though against
his will: “It is terrible. It is painful. It is unnecessary.”
Suddenly he hunched like a
cat—a cunning, timid, evil cat—and sprang forward; thus deformed, he pushed out
his over-red lips and blew upon the almost consumed hair. The flame flickered
upward, trembled and died. A tiny cloud of blue smoke spread itself in the
still air. The shrill laughter of the nocturnal guest pierced the ears.
The hideous words resounded:
“Miscarried! Miscarried!”
Garmonov sat down. He smiled
guiltily and cunningly. Sonpolyev looked at him with unseeing eyes.
The clock began to strike in
the next room. And to each stroke the uniter of souls responded with the hoarse
outcry: “Miscarried!”
And he laughed again his
metallic laughter like a wound-up spring. He whirled round and grimaced; he
seemed to lose himself in the lifeless yellow electric light.
At the twelfth stroke, the
last voice of the passing year, the hideous voice grew silent.
“Miscarried!”
And the horrible laughter of
the vanishing monster died away. Garmonov, truly rejoicing over his deliverance
from an unhappy fate, rose, and said: “A happy New Year!”
4.INVOKER OF THE BEAST
I
It was quiet and tranquil,
and neither joyous nor sad. There was an electric light in the room. The walls
seemed impregnable. The window was overhung by heavy, dark-green draperies,
even denser in tone than the green of the wall-paper. Both doors—the large one
at the side, and the small one in the depth of the alcove that faced the
window—were securely bolted. And there, behind them, reigned darkness and
desolation in the broad corridor as well as in the spacious and cold
reception-room, where melancholy plants yearned for their native soil.
Gurov was lying on the
divan. A book was in his hands. He often paused in his reading. He meditated
and mused during these pauses, and it was always about the same thing. Always
about them.
They hovered near him. This
he had noticed long ago. They were hiding. Their manner; was importunate. They
rustled very quietly. For a long time they remained invisible to the eye. But
one day, when Gurov awoke rather tired; sad and pale, and languidly turned on
the electric light to dissipate the greyish gloom of an early winter morning—he
espied one of them suddenly.
Small, grey, shifty and
nimble, he flashed by, and in the twinkling of an eye
disappeared.
And thereafter, in the
morning, or in the evening, Gurov grew used to seeing these small, shifty,
house sprites run past him. This time he did not doubt that they would appear.
To begin with he felt a
slight headache, afterwards a sudden flash of heat, then of cold. Then, out of
the corner, there emerged the long, slender Fever with her ugly, yellow face
and her bony dry hands; she lay down at his side, and embraced him, and fell to
kissing him and to laughing. And these rapid kisses of the affectionate and cunning
Fever, and these slow approaches of the slight headache were agreeable.
Feebleness spread itself
over, the whole body, and lassitude also. This too was agreeable. It made him
feel as though all the turmoil of life had receded into the distance. And people
also became far away, unimportant, even unnecessary. He preferred to be with
these quiet ones, these house sprites.
Gurov had not been out for
some days. He had locked himself in at home. He did not permit any one to come
to him. He was alone. He thought about them. He awaited them.
II
This tedious waiting was cut
short in a strange and unexpected manner. He heard the slamming of a distant
door, and presently he became aware of the sound of unhurried footfalls which
came from the direction of the reception-room, just behind the door of his
room. Some one was approaching with a sure and nimble step.
Gurov turned his head toward
the door. A gust of cold entered the room. Before him stood a boy, most strange
and wild in aspect. He was dressed in linen draperies, half-nude, barefoot,
smooth-skinned, sun-tanned, with black tangled hair and dark, burning eyes. An
amazingly perfect, handsome face; handsome to a degree which made it terrible
to gaze upon its beauty. And it portrayed neither good nor evil.
Gurov was not astonished. A
masterful mood took hold of him. He could hear the house sprites scampering
away to conceal themselves.
The boy began to speak.
“Aristomarchon! Perhaps you
have forgotten your promise? Is this the way of valiant men? You left me when I
was in mortal danger, you had made me a promise, which it is evident you did
not intend to keep. I have sought for you such a long time! And here I have
found you, living at your ease, and in luxury.”
Gurov fixed a perplexed gaze
upon the half-nude, handsome lad; and turgid memories awoke in his soul.
Something long since submerged arose in dim outlines and tormented his memory,
which struggled to find a solution to the strange apparition; a solution,
moreover, which seemed so near and so intimate.
And what of the
invincibility of his walls? Something had happened round him, some mysterious
transformation had taken place. But Gurov, engulfed in his vain exertions to
recall something very near to him and yet slipping away in the tenacious
embrace of ancient memory, had not yet succeeded in grasping the nature of the
change that he felt had taken place. He turned to the wonderful boy.
“Tell me, gracious boy,
simply and clearly, without unnecessary reproaches, what had I promised you,
and when had I left you in a time of mortal danger? I swear to you, by all the
holies, that my conscience could never have permitted me such a mean action as
you reproach me with.”
The boy shook his head. In a
sonorous voice, suggestive of the melodious outpouring of a stringed instrument,
he said: “Aristomarchon, you always have been a man skilful with words, and not
less skilful in matters requiring daring and prudence. If I have said that you
left me in a moment of mortal danger I did not intend it as a reproach, and I
do not understand why you speak of your conscience. Our projected affair was
difficult and dangerous, but who can hear us now; before whom, with your
craftily arranged words and your dissembling ignorance of what happened this
morning at sunrise, can you deny that you had given me a promise?”
The electric light grew dim.
The ceiling seemed to darken and to recede into height. There was a smell of
grass; its forgotten name, once, long ago, suggested something gentle and
joyous. A breeze blew. Gurov raised himself, and asked: “What sort of an affair
had we two contrived? Gracious boy, I deny nothing. Only I don’t know what you
are speaking of. I don’t remember.”
Gurov felt as though the boy
were looking at him, yet not directly. He felt also vaguely conscious of another
presence no less unfamiliar and alien than that of this curious stranger, and
it seemed to him that the unfamiliar form of this other presence coincided with
his own form. An ancient soul, as it were, had taken possession of Gurov and
enveloped him in the long-lost freshness of its vernal attributes.
It was growing darker, and
there was increasing purity and coolness in the air. There rose up in his soul
the joy and ease of pristine existence. The stars glowed brilliantly in the
dark sky. The boy spoke.
“We had undertaken to kill
the Beast. I tell you this under the multitudinous gaze of the all-seeing sky.
Perhaps you were frightened. That’s quite likely too! We had planned a great,
terrible affair, that our names might be honoured by future generations.”
Soft, tranquil, and
monotonous was the sound of a stream which purled its way in the nocturnal
silence. The stream was invisible, but its nearness was soothing and
refreshing. They stood under the broad shelter of a tree and continued the
conversation begun at some other time.
Gurov asked: “Why do you say
that I had left you in a moment of mortal danger? Who am I that I should be
frightened and run away?”
The boy burst into a laugh.
His mirth had the sound of music, and as it passed into speech his voice still
quavered with sweet, melodious laughter.
“Aristomarchon, how cleverly
you feign to have forgotten all! I don’t understand what makes you do this, and
with such a mastery that you bring reproaches against yourself which I have not
even dreamt of. You had left me in a moment of mortal danger because it had to
be, and you could not have helped me otherwise than by forsaking me at the
moment. You will surely not remain stubborn in your denial when I remind you of
the words of the Oracle?”
Gurov suddenly remembered. A
brilliant light, as it were, unexpectedly illumined the dark domain of things
forgotten. And in wild ecstasy, in a loud and joyous voice, he exclaimed: “One shall
kill the Beast!”
The boy laughed. And
Aristomarchon asked: “Did you kill the Beast, Timarides?”
“With what?” exclaimed
Timarides. “However strong my hands are, I was not one who could kill the Beast
with a blow of the fist. We, Aristomarchon, had not been prudent and we were
unarmed. We were playing in the sand by the stream. The Beast came upon us
suddenly and he laid his paw upon me. It was for me to offer up my life as a
sweet sacrifice to glory and to a noble cause; it was for you to execute our
plan. And while he was tormenting my defenceless and unresisting body, you,
fleet-footed Aristomarchon, could have run for your lance, and killed the now
blood-intoxicated Beast. But the Beast did not accept my sacrifice. I lay under
him, quiescent and still, gazing into his bloodshot eyes. He held his heavy paw
on my shoulder, his breath came in hot, uneven gasps, and he sent out low
snarls. Afterwards, he put out his huge, hot tongue and licked my face; then he
left me.”
“Where is he now?” asked
Aristomarchon.
In a voice strangely
tranquil and strangely sonorous in the quiet arrested stillness of the humid
air, Timarides replied: “He followed me. I do not know how long I have been
wandering until I found you. He followed me. I led him on by the smell of my
blood. I do not know why he has not touched me until now. But here I have
enticed him to you. You had better get the weapon which you had hidden so
carefully and kill the Beast, while I in my turn will leave you in the moment
of mortal danger, eye to eye with the enraged creature. Here’s luck to you,
Aristomarchon!”
As soon as he uttered these
words Timarides, started, to run. For a short time his cloak was visible in the
darkness, a glimmering patch of white. And then he disappeared. In the same
instant the air resounded with the savage bellowing of the Beast, and his
ponderous tread became audible. Pushing aside the growth of shrubs there
emerged from the darkness the huge, monstrous head of the Beast, flashing a
livid fire out of its two enormous, flaming eyes. And in the dark silence of
nocturnal trees the towering ferocious shape of the Beast loomed ominously as
it approached Aristomarchon.
Terror filled
Aristomarchon’s heart.
“Where is the lance?” was
the thought that quickly flashed across his brain.
And in that instant, feeling
the fresh night breeze on his face, Aristomarchon realized that he was running
from the Beast. His ponderous springs and his spasmodic roars resounded closer
and closer behind him. And as the Beast came up with him a loud cry rent the
silence of the night. The cry came from Aristomarchon, who, recalling then some
ancient and terrible words, pronounced loudly the incantation of the walls.
And thus enchanted the walls
erected themselves around him....
III
Enchanted, the walls stood
firm and were lit up. A dreary light was cast upon them by the dismal electric
lamp. Gurov was in his usual surroundings.
Again came the nimble Fever
and kissed him with her yellow, dry lips, and caressed him with her dry, bony
hands, which exhaled heat and cold. The same thin volume, with its white pages,
lay on the little table beside the divan where, as before, Gurov rested in the
caressing embrace of the affectionate Fever, who showered upon him her rapid
kisses. And again there stood beside him, laughing and rustling, the tiny house
sprites.
Gurov said loudly and
indifferently: “The incantation of the walls!”
Then he paused. But in what
consisted this incantation? He had forgotten the words. Or had they never
existed at all?
The little, shifty, grey
demons danced round the slender volume with its ghostly white pages, and kept
on repeating with their rustling voices: “Our walls are strong. We are in the
walls. We have nothing to fear from the outside.”
In their midst stood one of
them, a tiny object like themselves, yet different from the rest. He was all
black. His mantle fell from his shoulders in folds of smoke and flame. His eyes
flashed like lightning. Terror and joy alternated quickly.
Gurov spoke: “Who are you?”
The black demon answered: “I
am the Invoker of the Beast. In one of your long-past existences you left the
lacerated body of Timarides on the banks of a forest stream. The Beast had
satiated himself on the beautiful body of your friend; he had gorged himself on
the flesh that might have partaken of the fullness of earthly happiness; a
creature of superhuman perfection had perished in order to gratify for a moment
the appetite of the ravenous and ever insatiable Beast. And the blood, the
wonderful blood, the sacred wine of happiness and joy, the wine of superhuman
bliss—what had been the fate of this wonderful blood? Alas! The thirsty,
ceaselessly thirsty Beast drank of it to gratify his momentary desire, and is
thirsty anew. You had left the body of Timarides, mutilated by the Beast, on
the banks of the forest stream; you forgot the promise you had given your
valorous friend, and even the words of the ancient Oracle had not banished fear
from your heart. And do you think that you are safe, that the Beast will not
find you?”
There was austerity in the
sound of his voice. While he was speaking the house sprites gradually ceased their
dance; the little, grey house sprites stopped to listen to the Invoker of the
Beast.
Gurov then said in reply: “I
am not worried about the Beast! I have pronounced eternal enchantment upon my
walls and the Beast shall never penetrate hither, into my enclosure.”
The little grey ones were
overjoyed, their voices tinkled with merriment and laughter; having gathered
round, hand in hand, in a circle, they were on the point of bursting forth once
more into dance, when the voice of the Invoker of the Beast rang out again,
sharp and austere.
“But I am here. I am here
because I have found you. I am here because the incantation of the walls is
dead. I am here because Timarides is waiting and importuning me. Do you hear
the gentle laugh of the brave, trusting lad? Do you hear the terrible bellowing
of the Beast?”
From behind the wall,
approaching nearer, could be heard the fearsome bellowing of the Beast.
“The Beast is bellowing
behind the wall, the invincible wall!” exclaimed Gurov in terror. “My walls are
enchanted for ever, and impregnable against foes.”
Then spoke the black demon,
and there was an imperious ring in his voice: “I tell you, man, the incantation
of the walls is dead. And if you think you can save yourself by pronouncing the
incantation of the walls, why then don’t you utter the words?”
A cold shiver passed down
Gurov’s spine. The incantation! He had forgotten the words of the ancient
spell. And what mattered it? Was not the ancient incantation dead—dead?
Everything about him
confirmed with irrefutable evidence the death of the ancient incantation of the
walls—because the walls, and the light and the shade which fell upon them,
seemed dead and wavering. The Invoker of the Beast spoke terrible words. And
Gurov’s mind was now in a whirl, now in pain, and the affectionate Fever did
not cease to torment him with her passionate kisses. Terrible words resounded,
almost deadening his senses—while the Invoker of the Beast grew larger and
larger, and hot fumes breathed from him, and grim terror. His eyes ejected
fire, and when at last he grew so tall as to screen off the electric light, his
black cloak suddenly fell from his shoulders. And Gurov recognized him—it was
the boy Timarides.
“Will you kill the Beast?”
asked Timarides in a sonorous voice. “I have enticed him, I have led him to
you, I have destroyed the incantation of the walls. The cowardly gift of
inimical gods, the incantation of the walls, had turned into naught my
sacrifice, and had saved you from your action. But the ancient incantation of
the walls is dead—be quick, then, to take hold of your sword and kill the
Beast. I have been a boy—I have become the Invoker of the Beast. He had drunk
of my blood, and now he thirsts anew; he had partaken also of my flesh, and he
is hungry again, the insatiable, pitiless Beast. I have called him to you, and
you, in fulfilment of your promise, may kill the Beast. Or die yourself.”
He vanished. A terrible
bellowing shook the walls. A gust of icy moisture blew across to Gurov.
The wall facing the spot
where Gurov lay opened, and the huge, ferocious and monstrous Beast entered.
Bellowing savagely, he approached Gurov and laid his ponderous paw upon his
breast. Straight into his heart plunged the pitiless claws. A terrible pain
shot through his whole body. Shifting his blood-red eyes the Beast inclined his
head toward Gurov and, crumbling the bones of his victim with his teeth, began
to devour his yet-palpitating heart.
5.THE WHITE DOG
Everything grew irksome for
Alexandra Ivanovna in the workshop of this out-of-the-way town—the patterns,
the clatter of machines, the complaints of the customers; it was the shop in
which she had served as apprentice and now for several years as cutter.
Everything irritated Alexandra Ivanovna; she quarrelled with every one and
abused the innocent apprentice. Among others to suffer from her outbursts of
temper was Tanechka, the youngest of the seamstresses, who only lately had been
an apprentice. In the beginning Tanechka submitted to her abuse in silence. In
the end she revolted, and, addressing herself to her assailant, said, quite
calmly and affably, so that every one laughed:
“Alexandra Ivanovna, you are
a downright dog!”
Alexandra Ivanovna felt
humiliated.
“You are a dog yourself!”
she exclaimed.
Tanechka sat there sewing.
She paused now and then from her work and said in a calm, deliberate manner:
“You always whine....
Certainly, you are a dog.... You have a dog’s snout.... And a dog’s ears....
And a wagging tail.... The mistress will soon drive you out of doors, because
you are the most detestable of dogs, a poodle.”
Tanechka was a young, plump,
rosy-cheeked girl with an innocent, good-natured face, which revealed, however,
a trace of cunning. She sat there so demure, barefooted, still dressed in her
apprentice clothes; her eyes were clear, and her brows were highly arched on
her fine curved white forehead, framed by straight, dark chestnut hair, which
in the distance looked black. Tanechka’s voice was clear, even, sweet,
insinuating, and if one could have heard its sound only, and not given heed to
the words, it would have given the impression that she was paying Alexandra
Ivanovna compliments.
The other seamstresses
laughed, the apprentices chuckled, they covered their faces with their black
aprons and cast side glances at Alexandra Ivanovna. As for Alexandra Ivanovna,
she was livid with rage.
“Wretch!” she exclaimed. “I
will pull your ears for you! I won’t leave a hair on your head.”
Tanechka replied in a gentle
voice:
“The paws are a trifle
short.... The poodle bites as well as barks.... It may be necessary to buy a
muzzle.”
Alexandra Ivanovna made a
movement toward Tanechka. But before Tanechka had time to lay aside her work
and get up, the mistress of the establishment, a large, serious-looking woman,
entered, rustling her dress.
She said sternly: “Alexandra
Ivanovna, what do you mean by making such a fuss?”
Alexandra Ivanovna, much
agitated, replied: “Irina Petrovna, I wish you would forbid her to call me a
dog!”
Tanechka in her turn
complained: “She is always snarling at something or other. Always quibbling at
the smallest trifles.”
But the mistress looked at
her sternly and said: “Tanechka, I can see through you. Are you sure you didn’t
begin? You needn’t think that because you are a seamstress now you are an
important person. If it weren’t for your mother’s sake——”
Tanechka grew red, but
preserved her innocent and affable manner. She addressed her mistress in a
subdued voice: “Forgive me, Irina Petrovna, I will not do it again. But it
wasn’t altogether my fault....”
Alexandra
Ivanovna returned home almost ill with rage. Tanechka had guessed her weakness.
“A dog! Well, then I am a
dog,” thought Alexandra Ivanovna, “but it is none of her affair! Have I looked
to see whether she is a serpent or a fox? It is easy to find one out, but why
make a fuss about it? Is a dog worse than any other animal?”
The clear summer night
languished and sighed, a soft breeze from the adjacent fields occasionally blew
down the peaceful streets. The moon rose clear and full, that very same moon
which rose long ago at another place, over the broad desolate steppe, the home
of the wild, of those who ran free, and whined in their ancient earthly
travail. The very same, as then and in that region.
And now, as then, glowed
eyes sick with longing; and her heart, still wild, not forgetting in town the
great spaciousness of the steppe felt oppressed; her throat was troubled with a
tormenting desire to howl like a wild thing.
She was about to undress,
but what was the use? She could not sleep, anyway.
She went into the passage.
The warm planks of the floor bent and creaked under her, and small shavings and
sand which covered them tickled her feet not unpleasantly.
She went out on the
doorstep. There sat the babushka Stepanida, a black figure in
her black shawl, gaunt and shrivelled. She sat with her head bent, and it
seemed as though she were warming herself in the rays of the cold moon.
Alexandra Ivanovna sat down
beside her. She kept looking at the old woman sideways. The large curved nose
of her companion seemed to her like the beak of an old bird.
“A crow?” Alexandra Ivanovna
asked herself.
She smiled, forgetting for
the moment her longing and her fears. Shrewd as the eyes of a dog her own
lighted up with the joy of her discovery. In the pale green light of the moon
the wrinkles of her faded face became altogether invisible, and she seemed once
more young and merry and light-hearted, just as she was ten years ago, when the
moon had not yet called upon her to bark and bay of nights before the windows
of the dark bathhouse.
She moved closer to the old
woman, and said affably: “Babushka Stepanida, there is something I
have been wanting to ask you.”
The old woman turned to her,
her dark face furrowed with wrinkles, and asked in a sharp, oldish voice that
sounded like a caw:
“Well, my dear? Go ahead and
ask.”
Alexandra Ivanovna gave a
repressed laugh; her thin shoulders suddenly trembled from a chill that ran
down her spine.
She spoke very quietly: “Babushka Stepanida,
it seems to me—tell me is it true?—I don’t know exactly how to put it—but
you, babushka, please don’t take offence—it is not from malice that
I——”
“Go on, my dear, never fear,
say it,” said the old woman.
She looked at Alexandra
Ivanovna with glowing, penetrating eyes.
“It seems to me, babushka—please,
now, don’t take offence—as though you, babushka were a crow.”
The old woman turned away.
She was silent and merely nodded her head. She had the appearance of one who
had recalled something. Her head, with its sharply outlined nose, bowed and
nodded, and at last it seemed to Alexandra Ivanovna that the old woman was
dozing. Dozing, and mumbling something under her nose. Nodding her head and
mumbling some old forgotten words—old magic words.
An intense quiet reigned out
of doors. It was neither light nor dark, and everything seemed bewitched with
the inarticulate mumbling of old forgotten words. Everything languished and
seemed lost in apathy. Again a longing oppressed her heart. And it was neither
a dream nor an illusion. A thousand perfumes, imperceptible by day, became subtly
distinguishable, and they recalled something ancient and primitive, something
forgotten in the long ages.
In a barely audible voice
the old woman mumbled: “Yes, I am a crow. Only I have no wings. But there are
times when I caw, and I caw, and tell of woe. And I am given to forebodings, my
dear; each time I have one I simply must caw. People are not particularly
anxious to hear me. And when I see a doomed person I have such a strong desire
to caw.”
The old woman suddenly made
a sweeping movement with her arms, and in a shrill voice cried out twice:
“Kar-r, Kar-r!”
Alexandra Ivanovna
shuddered, and asked: “Babushka, at whom are you cawing?”
The old woman answered: “At
you, my dear—at you.”
It had become too painful to
sit with the old woman any longer. Alexandra Ivanovna went to her own room. She
sat down before the open window and listened to two voices at the gate.
“It simply won’t stop
whining!” said a low and harsh voice.
“And uncle, did you see——?”
asked an agreeable young tenor.
Alexandra Ivanovna recognized
in this last the voice of the curly-headed, somewhat red, freckled-faced lad
who lived in the same court.
A brief and depressing
silence followed. Then she heard a hoarse and harsh voice say suddenly: “Yes, I
saw. It’s very large—and white. Lies near the bathhouse, and bays at the moon.”
The voice gave her an image
of the man, of his shovel-shaped beard, his low, furrowed forehead, his small,
piggish eyes, and his spread-out fat legs.
“And why does it bay,
uncle?” asked the agreeable voice.
And again the hoarse voice
did not reply at once.
“Certainly to no good
purpose—and where it came from is more than I can say.”
“Do you think, uncle, it may
be a were-wolf?” asked the agreeable voice.
“I should not advise you to
investigate,” replied the hoarse voice.
She could not quite
understand what these words implied, nor did she wish to think of them. She did
not feel inclined to listen further. What was the sound and significance of
human words to her?
The moon looked straight
into her face, and persistently called her and tormented her. Her heart was
restless with a dark longing, and she could not sit still.
Alexandra Ivanovna quickly
undressed herself. Naked, all white, she silently stole through the passage;
she then opened the outer door—there was no one on the step or outside—and ran
quickly across the court and the vegetable garden, and reached the bathhouse.
The sharp contact of her body with the cold air and her feet with the cold
ground gave her pleasure. But soon her body was warm.
She lay down in the grass,
on her stomach. Then, raising herself on her elbows, she lifted her face toward
the pale, brooding moon, and gave a long-drawn-out whine.
“Listen, uncle, it is
whining,” said the curly-haired lad at the gate.
The agreeable tenor voice
trembled perceptibly.
“Whining again, the accursed
one,” said the hoarse, harsh voice slowly.
They rose from the bench.
The gate latch clicked.
They went silently across
the courtyard and the vegetable garden, the two of them. The older man,
black-bearded and powerful, walked in front, a gun in his hand. The
curly-headed lad followed tremblingly, and looked constantly behind.
Near the bathhouse, in the
grass, lay a huge white dog, whining piteously. Its head, black on the crown,
was raised to the moon, which pursued its way in the cold sky; its hind legs
were strangely thrown backward, while the front ones, firm and straight,
pressed hard against the ground.
In the pale green and unreal
light of the moon it seemed enormous, so huge a dog was surely never seen on
earth. It was thick and fat. The black spot, which began at the head and
stretched in uneven strands down the entire spine, seemed like a woman’s
loosened hair. No tail was visible, presumably it was turned under. The fur on
the body was so short that in the distance the dog seemed wholly naked, and its
hide shone dimly in the moonlight, so that altogether it resembled the body of
a nude woman, who lay in the grass and bayed at the moon.
The man with the black beard
took aim. The curly-haired lad crossed himself and mumbled something.
The discharge of a rifle
sounded in the night air. The dog gave a groan, jumped up on its hind legs,
became a naked woman, who, her body covered with blood, started to run, all the
while groaning, weeping and raising cries of distress.
The black-bearded one and
the curly-haired one threw themselves in the grass, and began to moan in wild
terror.
6.LIGHT AND SHADOWS
I
Volodya Lovlev, a pale
meagre lad of twelve, had returned home from school and was waiting for his
dinner. He was standing in the drawing-room at the piano, and was turning over
the pages of the latest number of the Niva which had come only
that morning.
A leaflet of thin grey paper
fell out; it was an announcement issued by an illustrated journal. It
enumerated the future contributors—the list contained about fifty well-known
literary names; it praised at some length the journal as a whole and in detail
its many-sidedness, and it presented several specimen illustrations.
Volodya began to turn the
pages of the leaflet in an absent way and to look at the miniature pictures.
His large eyes, looked wearily out of his pale face.
One page suddenly caught his
attention, and his wide eyes opened slightly wider. Running from top to bottom
were six drawings of hands throwing shadows in dark silhouette upon a white
wall—the shadows representing the head of a girl with an amusing three-cornered
hat, the head of a donkey, of a bull, the sitting figure of a squirrel, and
other similar things.
Volodya smiled and looked
very intently at them. He was quite familiar with this amusement. He could hold
the fingers of one hand so as to cast a silhouette of a hare’s head on the
wall. But this was quite another matter, something that Volodya had not seen
before; its interest for him was that here were quite complex figures cast by
using both hands.
Volodya suddenly wished to
reproduce these shadows. Of course there was no use trying now, in the
uncertain light of a late autumn afternoon.
He had better try it later
in his own room. In any case, it was of no use to any one.
Just then he heard the
approaching footsteps and voice of his mother. He flushed for some reason or
other and quickly put the leaflet into his pocket, and left the piano to meet
her. She looked at him with a caressing smile as she came toward him; her pale,
handsome face greatly resembled his, and she had the same large eyes.
She asked him, as she always
did: “Well, what’s the news to-day?”
“There’s nothing new,” said
Volodya dejectedly.
But it occurred to him at
once that he was being ungracious, and he felt ashamed. He smiled genially and
began to recall what had happened at school; but this only made him feel
sadder.
“Pruzhinin has again
distinguished himself,” and he began to tell about the teacher who was disliked
by his pupils for his rudeness. “Lentyev was reciting his lesson and made a
mess of it, and so Pruzhinin said to him: ‘Well, that’s enough; sit down,
blockhead!’”
“Nothing escapes you,” said
his mother, smiling.
“He’s always rude.”
After a brief silence
Volodya sighed, then complained: “They are always in a hurry.”
“Who?” asked his mother.
“I mean the masters. Every
one is anxious to finish his course quickly and to make a good show at the
examination. And if you ask a question you are immediately suspected of trying
to take up the time until the bell rings, and to avoid having questions put to
you.”
“Do you talk much after the
lessons?”
“Well, yes—but there’s the
same hurry after the lessons to get home, or to study the lessons in the girls’
class-rooms. And everything is done in a hurry—you are no sooner done with the
geometry than you must study your Greek.”
“That’s to keep you from
yawning.”
“Yawning! I’m more like a
squirrel going round on its cage-wheel. It’s exasperating.”
His mother smiled lightly.
II
After dinner Volodya went to
his room to prepare his lessons. His mother saw that the room was comfortable,
that nothing was lacking in it. No one ever disturbed Volodya here; even his
mother refrained from coming in at this time. She would come in later, to help
Volodya if he needed help.
Volodya was an industrious
and even a clever pupil. But he found it difficult to-day to apply himself. No
matter what lesson he tried he could not help remembering something unpleasant;
he would recall the teacher of each particular subject, his sarcastic or rude
remark, which propped in passings had entered in the impressionable boy’s mind.
Several of his recent
lessons happened to turn out poorly; the teachers appeared dissatisfied, and
they grumbled incessantly. Their mood communicated itself to Volodya, and his
books and copy-books inspired him at this moment with a deep confusion and
unrest.
He passed hastily from the
first lesson to the second and to the third; this bother with trifles for the
sake of not appearing “a blockhead” the next day seemed to him both silly and
unnecessary. The thought perturbed him. He began to yawn from tedium and from
sadness, and to dangle his feet impatiently; he simply could not sit still.
But he knew too well that
the lessons must be learnt, that this was very important, that his future
depended upon it; and so he went on conscientiously with the tedious business.
Volodya made a blot on the
copy-book, and he put his pen aside. He looked at the blot, and decided that it
could be erased with a penknife. He was glad of the distraction.
Not finding the penknife on
the table he put his hand into his pocket and rummaged there. Among all such
rubbish as is to be found in a boy’s pocket he felt his penknife and pulled it
out, together with some sort of leaflet.
He did not see at first what
the paper was he held in his hands, but on looking at it he suddenly remembered
that this was the little book with the shadows, and quite as suddenly he grew
cheerful and animated.
And there it was—that same
little leaflet which he had forgotten when he began his lessons.
He jumped briskly off his
chair, moved the lamp nearer the wall, looked cautiously at the closed door—as
though afraid of some one entering—and, turning the leaflet to the familiar
page, began to study the first drawing with great intentness, and to arrange
his fingers according to directions. The first shadow came out as a confused
shape, not at all what it should have been. Volodya moved the lamp, now here,
now there; he bent and he stretched his fingers; and he was at last rewarded by
seeing a woman’s head with a three-cornered hat.
Volodya grew cheerful. He
inclined his hand somewhat and moved his fingers very slightly—the head bowed,
smiled, and grimaced amusingly.
Volodya proceeded with the
second figure, then with the others. All were hard at the beginning, but he
managed them somehow in the end.
He spent a half-hour in this
occupation, and forgot all about his lessons, the school, and the whole world.
Suddenly he heard familiar
footsteps behind the door. Volodya flushed; he stuffed the leaflet into his
pocket and quickly moved the lamp to its place, almost overturning it; then he
sat down and bent over his copy-book. His mother entered.
“Let’s go and have tea,
Volodenka,” she said to him.
Volodya pretended that he
was looking at the blot and that he was about to open his penknife. His mother
gently put her hands on his head. Volodya threw the knife aside and pressed his
flushing face against his mother. Evidently she noticed nothing, and this made
Volodya glad. Still, he felt ashamed, as though he had actually been caught at
some stupid prank.
III
The samovar stood upon the
round table in the dining-room and quietly hummed its garrulous song. The
hanging-lamp diffused its light upon the white tablecloth and upon the dark
walls, filling the room with dream and mystery.
Volodya’s mother seemed
wistful as she leant her handsome, pale face forward over the table. Volodya
was leaning on his arm, and was stirring the small spoon in his glass. It was
good to watch the tea’s sweet eddies and to see the little bubbles rise to the
surface. The little silver spoon quietly tinkled.
The boiling water,
sputtering, ran from the tap into his mother’s cup.
A light shadow was cast by
the little spoon upon the saucer and the tablecloth, and it lost itself in the
glass of tea. Volodya watched it intently: the shadows thrown by the tiny
little eddies and bubbles recalled something to him—precisely what, Volodya
could not say. He held up and he turned the little spoon, and he ran his
fingers over it—but nothing came of it.
“All the same,” he
stubbornly insisted to himself, “it’s not with fingers alone that shadows can
be made. They are possible with anything. But the thing is to adjust oneself to
one’s material.”
And Volodya began to examine
the shadows of the samovar, of the chairs, of his mother’s head, as well as the
shadows cast on the table by the dishes; and he tried to catch a resemblance in
all these shadows to something. His mother was speaking—Volodya was not
listening properly.
“How is Lesha Sitnikov
getting on at school?” asked his mother.
Volodya was studying then
the shadow of the milk-jug. He gave a start, and answered hastily: “It’s a
tom-cat.”
“Volodya, you must be
asleep,” said his astonished mother. “What tom-cat?”
Volodya grew red.
“I don’t know what’s got
into my head,” he said. “I’m sorry, mother, I wasn’t listening.”
IV
The next evening, before
tea, Volodya again thought of his shadows, and gave himself up to them. One
shadow insisted on turning out badly, no matter how hard he stretched and bent
his fingers.
Volodya was so absorbed in
this that he did not hear his mother coming. At the creaking of the door he
quickly put the leaflet into his pocket and turned away, confused, from the
wall. But his mother was already looking at his hands, and a tremor of fear lit
up her eyes.
“What are you doing,
Volodya? What have you hidden?”
“Nothing, really,” muttered
Volodya, flushing and changing colour rapidly.
It flashed upon her that
Volodya wished to smoke, and that he had hidden a cigarette.
“Volodya, show me at once
what you are hiding,” she said in a frightened voice.
“Really, mamma....”
She caught Volodya by the
elbow.
“Must I feel in your pocket
myself?”
Volodya grew even redder,
and pulled the little book out of his pocket.
“Here it is,” he said,
giving it to his mother.
“Well, what is it?”
“Well, here,” he explained,
“on this side are the drawings, and here, as you see, are the shadows. I was
trying to throw them on the wall, and I haven’t succeeded very well.”
“What is there to hide
here!” said his mother, becoming more tranquil. “Now show me what they look
like.”
Volodya, taken aback, began
obediently to show his mother the shadows.
“Now this is the profile of
a bald-headed man. And this is the head of a hare.”
“And so this is how you are
studying your lessons!”
“Only for a little, mother.”
“For a little! Why are you
blushing then, my dear? Well, I shan’t say anything more. I think I can depend
on you to do what is right.”
His mother moved her hand
over his short, bristling hair, whereupon Volodya laughed and hid his flushing
face under his mother’s elbow.
Then his mother left him,
and for a long time Volodya felt awkward and ashamed. His mother had caught him
doing something that he himself would have ridiculed had he caught any of his
companions doing it.
Volodya knew that he was a
clever lad, and he deemed himself serious; and this was, after all, a game fit
only for little girls when they got together.
He pushed the little book
with the shadows deeper into the table-drawer, and did not take it out again
for more than a week; indeed, he thought little about the shadows that week.
Only in the evening sometimes, in changing from one lesson to another, he would
smile at the recollection of the girl in the hat—there were, indeed, moments
when he put his hand in the drawer to get the little book, but he always
quickly remembered the shame he experienced when his mother first found him
out, and this made him resume his work at once.
V
Volodya and his mother lived
in their own house on the outskirts of the district town. Eugenia Stepanovna
had been a widow for nine years. She was now thirty-five years old; she seemed
young and handsome, and Volodya loved her tenderly. She lived entirely for her
son, studied ancient languages for his sake, and shared all his school cares. A
quiet and gentle woman, she looked somewhat apprehensively upon the world out
of her large, benign eyes.
They had one domestic.
Praskovya was a widow; she was gruff, sturdy, and strong; she was forty-five
years old, but in her stern taciturnity she was more like a woman a hundred
years old.
Whenever Volodya looked at
her morose, stony face he wondered what she was thinking of in her kitchen
during the long winter evenings, as the cold knitting-needles, clinking,
shifted in her bony fingers with a regular movement, and her dry lips stirred
yet uttered no sound. Was she recalling her drunken husband, or her children
who had died earlier? or was she musing upon her lonely and homeless old age?
Her stony face seemed
hopelessly gloomy and austere.
VI
It was a long autumn
evening. On the other side of the wall were the wind and the rain.
How wearily, how
indifferently the lamp flared! Volodya, propping himself up on his elbow, leant
his whole body over to the left and looked at the white wall and at the white
window-blinds.
The pale flowers were almost
invisible on the wall-paper ... the wall was a melancholy white....
The shaded lamp subdued the
bright glare of light. The entire upper portion of the room was twilit.
Volodya lifted his right
arm. A long, faintly outlined, confused shadow crept across the shaded wall.
It was the shadow of an
angel, flying heaven-ward from a depraved and afflicted world; it was a
translucent shadow, spreading its broad wings and reposing its bowed head sadly
upon its breast.
Would not the angel, with
his gentle hands, carry away with him something significant yet despised of
this world?
Volodya sighed. He let his
arm fall languidly. He let his depressed eyes rest on his books.
It was a long autumn
evening.... The wall was a melancholy white.... On the other side of the wall
something wept and rustled.
VII
Volodya’s mother found him a
second time with the shadows.
This time the bull’s head
was a success, and he was delighted. He made the bull stretch out his neck, and
the bull lowed.
His mother was less pleased.
“So this is how you are
taking up your time,” she said reproachfully.
“For a little, mamma,”
whispered Volodya, embarrassed.
“You might at least save
this for a more suitable time,” his mother went on. “And you are no longer a
little boy. Aren’t you ashamed to waste your time on such nonsense!”
“Mamma, dear, I shan’t do it
again.”
But Volodya found it
difficult to keep his promise. He enjoyed making shadows, and the desire to
make them came to him often, especially during an uninteresting lesson.
This amusement occupied much
of his time on some evenings and interfered with his lessons. He had to make up
for it afterwards and to lose some sleep. How could he give up his amusement?
Volodya succeeded in
evolving several new figures, and not by means of the fingers alone. These
figures lived on the wall, and it even seemed to Volodya at times that they
talked to him and entertained him.
But Volodya was a dreamer
even before then.
VIII
It was night. Volodya’s room
was dark. He had gone to bed but he could not sleep. He was lying on his back
and was looking at the ceiling.
Some one was walking in the
street with a lantern. His shadow traversed the ceiling, among the red spots of
light thrown by the lantern. It was evident that the lantern swung in the hands
of the passer-by—the shadow wavered and seemed agitated.
Volodya felt a sadness and a
fear. He quickly pulled the bed-cover over his head, and, trembling in his
haste, he turned on his right side and began to encourage himself.
He then felt soothed and
warm. His mind began to weave sweet, naïve fancies, the fancies which visited
him usually before sleep.
Often when he went to bed he
felt suddenly afraid; he felt as though he were becoming smaller and weaker. He
would then hide among the pillows, and gradually became soothed and loving, and
wished his mother were there that he might put his arms round her neck and kiss
her.
IX
The grey twilight was
growing denser. The shadows merged. Volodya felt depressed. But here was the
lamp. The light poured itself on the green tablecloth, the vague, beloved
shadows appeared on the wall.
Volodya suddenly felt glad
and animated, and made haste to get the little grey book. The bull began to low
... the young lady to laugh uproariously.... What evil, round eyes the
bald-headed gentleman was making!
Then he tried his own. It
was the steppe. Here was a wayfarer with his knapsack. Volodya seemed to hear
the endless, monotonous song of the road....
Volodya felt both joy and
sadness.
X
“Volodya, it’s the third
time I’ve seen you with the little book. Do you spend whole evenings admiring
your fingers?”
Volodya stood uneasily at
the table, like a truant caught, and he turned the pages of the leaflet with
hot fingers.
“Give it to me,” said his
mother.
Volodya, confused, put out
his hand with the leaflet. His mother took it, said nothing, and went out;
while Volodya sat down over his copy-books.
He felt ashamed that, by his
stubbornness, he had offended his mother, and he felt vexed that she had taken
the booklet from him; he was even more vexed at himself for letting the matter
go so far. He felt his awkward position, and his vexation with his mother
troubled him: he had scruples in being angry with her, yet he couldn’t help it.
And because he had scruples he felt even more angry.
“Well, let her take it,” he
said to himself at last, “I can get along without it.”
And, in truth, Volodya had
the figures in his memory, and used the little book merely for verification.
XI
In the meantime his mother
opened the little book with the shadows—and became lost in thought.
“I wonder what’s fascinating
about them?” she mused. “It is strange that such a good, clever boy should
suddenly, become wrapped up in such nonsense! No, that means it’s not mere
nonsense. What, then, is it?” she pursued her questioning of herself.
A strange fear took
possession of her; she felt malignant toward these black pictures, yet quailed
before them.
She rose and lighted a
candle. She approached the wall, the little grey book still in her hand, and
paused in her wavering agitation.
“Yes, it is important to get
to the bottom of this,” she resolved, and began to reproduce the shadows from
the first to the last.
She persisted most patiently
with her hands and her fingers, until she succeeded in reproducing the figure
she desired. A confused, apprehensive feelings stirred within her. She tried to
conquer it. But her fear fascinated her as it grew stronger. Her hands
trembled, while her thought, cowed by life’s twilight, ran on to meet the
approaching sorrows.
She suddenly heard her son’s
footsteps. She trembled, hid the little book, and blew out the candle.
Volodya entered and stopped
in the doorway, confused by the stern look of his mother as she stood by the
wall in a strange, uneasy attitude.
“What do you want?” asked
his mother in a harsh, uneven voice.
A vague conjecture ran
across Volodya’s mind, but he quickly repelled it and began to talk to his
mother.
XII
Then Volodya left her.
She paced up and down the
room a number of times. She noticed that her shadow followed her on the floor,
and, strange to say, it was the first time in her life that her own shadow had
made her uneasy. The thought that there was a shadow assailed her mind
unceasingly—and Eugenia Stepanovna, for some reason, was afraid of this
thought, and even tried not to look at her shadow.
But the shadow crept after
her and taunted her. Eugenia Stepanovna tried to think of something else—but in
vain.
She suddenly paused, pale
and agitated.
“Well, it’s a shadow, a
shadow!” she exclaimed aloud, stamping her foot with a strange irritation,
“what of it?”
Then all at once she
reflected that it was stupid to make a fuss and to stamp her feet, and she
became quiet.
She approached the mirror.
Her face was paler than usual, and her lips quivered with a kind of strange
hate.
“It’s nerves,” she thought;
“I must take myself in hand.”
XIII
Twilight was falling.
Volodya grew pensive.
“Let’s go for a stroll,
Volodya,” said his mother.
But in the street there were
also shadows everywhere, mysterious, elusive evening shadows; and they
whispered in Volodya’s ear something that was familiar and infinitely sad.
In the clouded sky two or
three stars looked out, and they seemed equally distant and equally strange to
Volodya and to the shadows that surrounded him.
“Mamma,” he said, oblivious
of the fact that he had interrupted her as she was telling him something, “what
a pity that it is impossible to reach those stars.”
His mother looked up at the
sky and answered: “I don’t see that it’s necessary. Our place is on earth. It
is better for us here. It’s quite another thing there.”
“How faintly they glimmer!
They ought to be glad of it.”
“Why?”
“If they shone more strongly
they would cast shadows.”
“Oh, Volodya, why do you
think only of shadows?”
“I didn’t mean to, mamma,”
said Volodya in a penitent voice.
XIV
Volodya worked harder than
ever at his lessons; he was afraid to hurt his mother by being lazy. But he
employed all his invention in grouping the objects on his table in a way that
would produce new and ever more fantastic shadows. He put this here and that
there—anything that came to his hands—and he rejoiced when outlines appeared on
the white wall that his mind could grasp. There was an intimacy between him and
these shadowy outlines, and they were very dear to him. They were not dumb,
they spoke to him, and Volodya understood their inarticulate speech.
He understood why the
dejected wayfarer murmured as he wandered upon the long road, the autumn
wetness under his feet, a stick in his trembling hand, a knapsack on his bowed
back.
He understood why the
snow-covered forest, its boughs crackling with frost, complained, as it stood
sadly dreaming in the winter stillness; and he understood why the lonely crow
cawed on the old oak, and why the bustling squirrel looked sadly out of its
tree-hollow.
He understood why the
decrepit and homeless old beggar-women sobbed in the dismal autumn wind, as
they shivered in their rags in the crowded graveyard, among the crumbling
crosses and the hopelessly black tombs.
There was self-forgetfulness
in this, and also tormenting woe!
XV
Volodya’s mother observed
that he continued to play.
She said to him after
dinner: “At least, you might get interested in something else.”
“In what?”
“You might read.”
“No sooner do I begin to
read than I want to cast shadows.”
“If you’d only try something
else—say soap-bubbles.”
Volodya smiled sadly.
“No sooner do the bubbles
fly up than the shadows follow them on the wall.”
“Volodya, unless you take
care your nerves will be shattered. Already you have grown thinner because of
this.”
“Mamma, you exaggerate.”
“No, Volodya.... Don’t I
know that you’ve begun to sleep badly and to talk nonsense in your sleep. Now,
just think, suppose you die!”
“What are you saying!”
“God forbid, but if you go
mad, or die, I shall suffer horribly.”
Volodya laughed and threw
himself on his mother’s neck.
“Mamma dear, I shan’t die. I
won’t do it again.”
She saw that he was crying
now.
“That will do,” she said.
“God is merciful. Now you see how nervous you are. You’re laughing and crying
at the same time.”
XVI
Volodya’s mother began to
look at him with careful and anxious eyes. Every trifle now agitated her.
She noticed that Volodya’s
head was somewhat asymmetrical: his one ear was higher than the other, his chin
slightly turned to one side. She looked in the mirror, and further remarked
that Volodya had inherited this too from her.
“It may be,” she thought,
“one of the characteristics of unfortunate heredity—degeneration; in which case
where is the root of the evil? Is it my fault or his father’s?”
Eugenia Stepanovna recalled
her dead husband. He was a most kind-hearted and most lovable man, somewhat
weak-willed, with rash impulses. He was by nature a zealot and a mystic, and he
dreamt of a social Utopia, and went among the people. He had been rather given
to tippling the last years of his life.
He died young; he was but
thirty-five years old.
Volodya’s mother even took
her boy to the doctor and described his symptoms. The doctor, a cheerful young
man, listened to her, then laughed and gave counsel concerning diet and way of
life, throwing in a few witty remarks; he wrote out a prescription in a happy,
off-hand way, and he added playfully, with a slap on Volodya’s shoulder: “But
the very best medicine would be—a birch.”
Volodya’s mother felt the
affront deeply, but she followed all the rest of the instructions faithfully.
XVII
Volodya was sitting in his
class. He felt depressed. He listened inattentively.
He raised his eyes. A shadow
was moving along the ceiling near the front wall. Volodya observed that it came
in through the first window. To begin with it fell from the window toward the
centre of the class-room, but later it started forward rather quickly away from
Volodya—evidently some one was walking in the street, just by the window. While
this shadow was still moving another shadow came through the second window,
falling, as did the first one, toward the back wall, but later it began to turn
quickly toward the front wall. The same thing happened at the third and the
fourth windows; the shadows fell in the class-room on the ceiling, and in the
degree that the passer-by moved forward they retreated backward.
“This,” thought Volodya, “is
not at all the same as in an open place, where the shadow follows the man; when
the man goes forward, the shadow glides behind, and other shadows again meet
him in the front.”
Volodya turned his eyes on
the gaunt figure of the tutor. His callous, yellow face annoyed Volodya. He
looked for his shadow and found it on the wall, just behind the tutor’s chair.
The monstrous shape bent over and rocked from side to side, but it had neither
a yellow face nor a malignant smile, and Volodya looked at it with joy. His
thoughts scampered off somewhere far away, and he heard not a single thing of
what was being said.
“Lovlev!” His tutor called
his name.
Volodya rose, as was the
custom, and stood looking stupidly at the tutor. He had such an absent look
that his companions tittered, while the tutor’s face assumed a critical
expression.
Volodya heard the tutor
attack him with sarcasm and abuse. He trembled from shame and from weakness.
The tutor announced that he would give Volodya “one” for his ignorance and his
inattention, and he asked him to sit down.
Volodya smiled in a dull
way, and tried to think what had happened to him.
XVIII
The “one” was the first in
Volodya’s life! It made him feel rather strange.
“Lovlev!” his comrades
taunted him, laughing and nudging him, “you caught it that time!
Congratulations!”
Volodya felt awkward. He did
not yet know how to behave in these circumstances.
“What if I have,” he
answered peevishly, “what business is it of yours?”
“Lovlev!” the lazy Snegirev
shouted, “our regiment has been reinforced!”
His first “one”! And he had
yet to tell his mother.
He felt ashamed and
humiliated. He felt as though he bore in the knapsack on his back a strangely
heavy and awkward burden—the “one” stuck clumsily in his consciousness and
seemed to fit in with nothing else in his mind.
“One”!
He could not get used to the
thought about the “one,” and yet could not think of anything else. When the
policeman, who stood near the school, looked at him with his habitual severity
Volodya could not help thinking: “What if you knew that I’ve received ‘one’!”
It was all so awkward and so
unusual. Volodya did not know how to hold his head and where to put his hands;
there was uneasiness in his whole bearing.
Besides, he had to assume a
care-free look before his comrades and to talk of something else!
His comrades! Volodya was
convinced that they were all very glad because of his “one.”
XIX
Volodya’s mother looked at
the “one” and turned her uncomprehending eyes on her son. Then again she
glanced at the report and exclaimed quietly:
“Volodya!”
Volodya stood before her,
and he felt intensely small. He looked at the folds of his mother’s dress and
at his mother’s pale hands; his trembling eyelids were conscious of her
frightened glances fixed upon them.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“Don’t you worry, mamma,”
burst out Volodya suddenly; “after all, it’s my first!”
“Your first!”
“It may happen to any one.
And really it was all an accident.”
“Oh, Volodya, Volodya!”
Volodya began to cry and to
rub his tears, child-like, over his face with the palm of his hand.
“Mamma darling, don’t be
angry,” he whispered.
“That’s what comes of your
shadows,” said his mother.
Volodya felt the tears in
her voice. His heart was touched. He glanced at his mother. She was crying. He
turned quickly toward her.
“Mamma, mamma,” he kept on
repeating, while kissing her hands, “I’ll drop the shadows, really I will.”
XX
Volodya made a strong effort
of the will and refrained from the shadows, despite strong temptation. He tried
to make amends for his neglected lessons.
But the shadows beckoned to
him persistently. In vain he ceased to invite them with his fingers, in vain he
ceased to arrange objects that would cast a new shadow on the wall; the shadows
themselves surrounded him—they were unavoidable, importunate shadows.
Objects themselves no longer
interested Volodya, he almost ceased to see them; all his attention was centred
on their shadows.
When he was walking home and
the sun happened to peep through the autumn clouds, as through smoky vestments,
he was overjoyed because there was everywhere an awakening of the shadows.
The shadows from the
lamplight hovered near him in the evening at home.
The shadows were everywhere.
There were the sharp shadows from the flames, there were the fainter shadows
from diffused daylight. All of them crowded toward Volodya, recrossed each
other, and enveloped him in an unbreakable network.
Some of the shadows were
incomprehensible, mysterious; others reminded him of something, suggested
something. But there were also the beloved, the intimate, the familiar shadows;
these Volodya himself, however casually, sought out and caught everywhere from
among the confused wavering of the others, the more remote shadows. But they
were sad, these beloved, familiar shadows.
Whenever Volodya found
himself seeking these shadows his conscience tormented him, and he went to his
mother to make a clean breast of it.
Once it happened that
Volodya could not conquer his temptation. He stood up close to the wall and
made a shadow of the bull. His mother found him.
“Again!” she exclaimed
angrily. “I really shall have to ask the director to put you into the small
room.”
Volodya flushed violently
and answered morosely: “There is a wall there also. The walls are everywhere.”
“Volodya,” exclaimed his
mother sorrowfully, “what are you saying!”
But Volodya already repented
of his rudeness, and he was crying.
“Mamma, I don’t know myself
what’s happening to me!”
XXI
Volodya’s mother had not yet
conquered her superstitious dread of shadows. She began very often to think
that she, like Volodya, was losing herself in the contemplation of shadows.
Then she tried to comfort herself.
“What stupid thoughts!” she
said. “Thank God, all will pass happily; he will be like this a little while,
then he will stop.”
But her heart trembled with
a secret fear, and her thought, frightened of life persistently ran to meet
approaching sorrows.
She began in the melancholy
moments of waking to examine her soul, and all her life would pass before her;
she saw its emptiness, its futility, and its aimlessness. It seemed but a
senseless glimmer of shadows, which merged in the denser twilight.
“Why have I lived?” she
asked herself. “Was it for my son? But why? That he too shall become a prey to
shadows, a maniac with a narrow horizon, chained to his illusions, to restless
appearances upon a lifeless wall? And he too will enter upon life, and he will
make of life a chain of impressions, phantasmic and futile, like a dream.”
She sat down in the armchair
by the window, and she thought and thought. Her thoughts were bitter,
oppressive. She began, in her despair, to wring her beautiful white hands.
Then her thoughts wandered.
She looked at her outstretched hands, and began to imagine what sort of shapes
they would cast on the wall in their present attitude. She suddenly paused and
jumped up from her chair in fright.
“My God!” she exclaimed.
“This is madness.”
XXII
She watched Volodya at
dinner.
“How pale and thin he has
grown,” she said to herself, “since the unfortunate little book fell into his
hands. He’s changed entirely—in character and in everything else. It is said
that character changes before death. What if he dies? But no, no. God forbid!”
The spoon trembled in her
hand. She looked up at the ikon with timid eyes.
“Volodya, why don’t you
finish your soup?” she asked, looking frightened.
“I don’t feel like it, mamma.”
“Volodya, darling, do as I
tell you; it is bad for you not to eat your soup.”
Volodya gave a tired smile
and slowly finished his soup. His mother had filled his plate fuller than
usual. He leant back in his chair and was on the point of saying that the soup
was not good. But his mother’s worried look restrained him, and he merely
smiled weakly.
“And now I’ve had enough,”
he said.
“Oh no, Volodya, I have all
your favourite dishes to-day.”
Volodya sighed sadly. He
knew that when his mother spoke of his favourite dishes it meant that she would
coax him to eat. He guessed that even after tea his mother would prevail upon
him, as she did the day before, to eat meat.
XXIII
In the evening Volodya’s
mother said to him: “Volodya dear, you’ll waste your time again; perhaps you’d
better keep the door open!”
Volodya began his lessons.
But he felt vexed because the door had been left open at his back, and because
his mother went past it now and then.
“I cannot go on like this,”
he shouted, moving his chair noisily. “I cannot do anything when the door is
wide open.”
“Volodya, is there any need
to shout so?” his mother reproached him softly.
Volodya already felt
repentant, and he began to cry.
“Don’t you see, Volodenka,
that I’m worried about you, and that I want to save you from your thoughts.”
“Mamma, sit here with me,”
said Volodya.
His mother took a book and
sat down at Volodya’s table. For a few minutes Volodya worked calmly. But
gradually the presence of his mother began to annoy him.
“I’m being watched just like
a sick man,” he thought spitefully.
His thoughts were constantly
interrupted, and he was biting his lips. His mother remarked this at last, and
she left the room.
But Volodya felt no relief.
He was tormented with regret at showing his impatience. He tried to go on with
his work but he could not. Then he went to his mother.
“Mamma, why did you leave
me?” he asked timidly.
XXIV
It was the eve of a holiday.
The little image-lamps burned before the ikons.
It was late and it was
quiet. Volodya’s mother was not asleep. In the mysterious dark of her bedroom
she fell on her knees, she prayed and she wept, sobbing out now and then like a
child.
Her braids of hair trailed
upon her white dress; her shoulders trembled. She raised her hands to her
breast in a praying posture, and she looked with tearful eyes at the ikon. The
image-lamp moved almost imperceptibly on its chains with her passionate
breathing. The shadows rocked, they crowded in the corners, they stirred behind
the reliquary, and they murmured mysteriously. There was a hopeless yearning in
their murmurings and an incomprehensible sadness in their wavering movements.
At last she rose, looking
pale, with strange, widely dilated eyes, and she reeled slightly on her
benumbed legs.
She went quietly to Volodya.
The shadows surrounded her, they rustled softly behind her back, they crept at
her feet, and some of them, as fine as the threads of a spider’s web, fell upon
her shoulders and, looking into her large eyes, murmured incomprehensibly.
She approached her son’s bed
cautiously. His face was pale in the light of the image-lamp. Strange, sharp
shadows lay upon him. His breathing was inaudible; he slept so tranquilly that
his mother was frightened.
She stood there in the midst
of the vague shadows, and she felt upon her the breath of vague fears.
XXV
The high vaults of the
church were dark and mysterious. The evening chants rose toward these vaults
and resounded there with an exultant sadness. The dark images, lit up by the
yellow flickers of wax candles, looked stern and mysterious. The warm breathing
of the wax and of the incense filled the air with lofty sorrow.
Eugenia Stepanovna placed a
candle before the ikon of the Mother of God. Then she knelt down. But her
prayer was distraught.
She looked at her candle.
Its flame wavered. The shadows from the candles fell on Eugenia Stepanovna’s
black dress and on the floor, and rocked unsteadily. The shadows hovered on the
walls of the church and lost themselves in the heights between the dark vaults,
where the exultant, sad songs resounded.
XXVI
It was another night.
Volodya awoke suddenly. The
darkness enveloped him, and it stirred without sound. He freed his hands, then
raised them, and followed their movements with his eyes. He did not see his
hands in the darkness, but he imagined that he saw them wanly stirring before
him. They were dark and mysterious, and they held in them the affliction and
the murmur of lonely yearning.
His mother also did not
sleep; her grief tormented her. She lit a candle and went quietly toward her son’s
room to see how he slept. She opened the door noiselessly and looked timidly at
Volodya’s bed.
A streak of yellow light
trembled on the wall and intersected Volodya’s red bed-cover. The lad stretched
his arms toward the light and, with a beating heart, followed the shadows. He
did not even ask himself where the light came from. He was wholly obsessed by
the shadows. His eyes were fixed on the wall, and there was a gleam of madness
in them.
The streak of light
broadened, the shadows moved in a startled way; they were morose and
hunch-backed, like homeless, roaming women who were hurrying to reach somewhere
with old burdens that dragged them down.
Volodya’s mother, trembling
with fright, approached the bed and quietly aroused her son.
“Volodya!”
Volodya came to himself. For
some seconds he glanced at his mother with large eyes, then he shivered from
head to foot and, springing out of bed, fell at his mother’s feet, embraced her
knees, and wept.
“What dreams you do dream,
Volodya!” exclaimed his mother sorrowfully.
XXVII
“Volodya,” said his mother
to him at breakfast, “you must stop it, darling; you will become a wreck if you
spend your nights also with the shadows.”
The pale lad lowered his
head in dejection. His lips quivered nervously.
“I’ll tell you what we’ll
do,” continued his mother. “Perhaps we had better play a little while together
with the shadows each evening, and then we will study your lessons. What do you
say?”
Volodya grew somewhat
animated.
“Mamma, you’re a darling!”
he said shyly.
XXVIII
In the street Volodya felt
drowsy and timid. The fog was spreading; it was cold and dismal. The outlines
of the houses looked strange in the mist. The morose, human silhouettes moved
through the filmy atmosphere like ominous, unkindly shadows. Everything seemed
so intensely unreal. The cab-horse, which stood drowsily at the
street-crossing, appeared like a huge fabulous beast.
The policeman gave Volodya a
hostile look. The crow on the low roof foreboded sorrow in Volodya’s ear. But
sorrow was already in his heart; it made him sad to note how everything was
hostile to him.
A small dog with an
unhealthy coat barked at him from behind a gate and Volodya felt a strange
depression. And the urchins of the street seemed ready to laugh at him and to
humiliate him.
In the past he would have
settled scores with them as they deserved, but now fear lived in his breast; it
robbed his arms of their strength and caused them to hang by his sides.
When Volodya returned home
Praskovya opened the door to him, and she looked at him with moroseness and
hostility. Volodya felt uneasy. He quickly went into the house, and refrained
from looking at Praskovya’s depressing face again.
XXIX
His mother was sitting
alone. It was twilight, and she felt sad.
A light suddenly glimmered
somewhere.
Volodya ran in, animated,
cheerful, and with large, somewhat wild eyes.
“Mamma, the lamp has been
lit; let’s play a little.”
She smiled and followed
Volodya.
“Mamma, I’ve thought of a
new figure,” said Volodya excitedly, as he placed the lamp in the desired
position. “Look.... Do you see? This is the steppe, covered with snow, and the
snow falls—a regular storm.”
Volodya raised his hands and
arranged them.
“Now look, here is an old
man, a wayfarer. He is up to his knees in snow. It is difficult to walk. He is
alone. It is an open field. The village is far away. He is tired, he is cold;
it is terrible. He is all bent—he’s such an old man.”
Volodya’s mother helped him
with his fingers.
“Oh!” exclaimed Volodya in
great joy. “The wind is tearing his cap off, it is blowing his hair loose, it
has thrown him in the snow. The drifts are getting higher. Mamma, mamma, do you
hear?”
“It’s a blinding storm.”
“And he?”
“The old man?”
“Do you hear, he is
moaning?”
“Help!”
Both of them, pale, were
looking at the wall. Volodya’s hands shook, the old man fell.
His mother was the first to
arouse herself.
“And now it’s time to work,”
she said.
XXX
It was morning. Volodya’s
mother was alone. Rapt in her confused, dismal thoughts, she was walking from
one room to another. Her shadow outlined itself vaguely on the white door in
the light of the mist-dimmed sun. She stopped at the door and lifted her arm
with a large, curious movement. The shadow on the door wavered and began to
murmur something familiar and sad. A strange feeling of comfort came over
Eugenia Stepanovna as she stood, a wild smile on her face, before the door and
moved both her hands, watching the trembling shadows.
Then she heard Praskovya
coming, and she realized that she was doing an absurd thing. Once more she felt
afraid and sad.
“We ought to make a change,”
she thought, “and go elsewhere, somewhere farther away, to a new atmosphere. We
must run away from here, simply run away!”
And suddenly she remembered
Volodya’s words: “There is a wall there also. The walls are everywhere.”
“There is nowhere to run!”
In her despair she wrung her
pale, beautiful hands.
XXXI
It was evening.
A lighted lamp stood on the
floor in Volodya’s room. Just behind it, near the wall, sat Volodya and his
mother. They were looking at the wall and were making strange movements with
their hands.
Shadows stirred and trembled
upon the wall.
Volodya and his mother
understood them. Both were smiling sadly and were saying weird and impossible
things to each other. Their faces were peaceful and their eyes looked clear;
their joyousness was hopelessly sorrowful and their sorrow was wildly joyous.
In their eyes was a glimmer
of madness, blessed madness.
The night was descending
upon them.
THE GLIMMER OF HUNGER
Sergei Matveyevich Moshkin
had dined very well that day—that is comparatively well—when you stop to
consider that he was only a village schoolmaster who had lost his place, and
had been knocking about already a year or so on strange stairways, in search of
work. Nevertheless, the glimmer of hunger persisted in his dark, sad eyes, and
it gave his lean, smooth face a kind of unlooked-for significance.
Moshkin spent his last
three-rouble note on this dinner, and now a few coppers jingled in his pocket,
while his purse contained a smooth fifteen-copeck piece. He banqueted out of
sheer joy. He knew quite well that it was stupid to rejoice prematurely and
without sufficient cause. But he had been seeking work so long, and had been
having such a time of it, that even the shadow of a hope gave him joy.
Moshkin had put an
advertisement in the Novo Vremya. He announced himself a pedagogue
who had command of the pen; he based his claim on the fact that he corresponded
for a provincial newspaper. This, indeed, was why he had lost his place; it was
discovered that he had written articles reflecting unfavourably on the
authorities; the chief official of the district called the attention of the
inspector of public schools to this, and the inspector, of course, would not
brook such doings by any of his staff.
“We don’t want that kind,”
the inspector said to him in a personal interview.
Moshkin asked: “What kind do
you want?”
The inspector, without
replying to this irrelevant question, remarked dryly: “Good-bye. I hope to meet
you in the next world.”
Moshkin stated further in
his advertisement that he wished to be a secretary, a permanent collaborator on
a newspaper, a private tutor; also that he was willing to accompany his
employer to the Caucasus or the Crimea, and to make himself useful in the
house, etc. He gave an assurance of his reasonableness, and that he had no
objections to travelling.
He waited. One postcard
came. It inspired him with hope; he hardly knew why.
It came in the morning while
Moshkin was drinking his tea. The landlady brought it in herself. There was a
glitter in her dark, snake-like eyes as she remarked tauntingly:
“Here’s some correspondence
for Mr. Sergei Matveyevich Moshkin.”
And while he was reading she
smoothed her black hair down her triangular yellow forehead, and hissed:
“What’s the good of getting letters? Much better if you paid for your board and
lodging. A letter won’t feed your hunger; you ought to go among people, look
for a job and not expect things to come to you.”
He read:
“Be so good as to come in
for a talk, between 6 and 7 in the evening,
at Row 6, House 78, Apartment 57.”
There was no signature.
Moshkin glanced angrily at
his landlady. She was broad and erect, and as she stood there at the door quite
calm, with lowered arms, she was like a doll; she seemed deliberately malicious,
and she looked at him with her motionless, anger-provoking eyes.
Moshkin exclaimed: “Basta!”
He hit the table with his
fist. Then he rose, and paced up and down the room. He kept on repeating:
“Basta!”
The landlady asked quietly
and spitefully: “Are you going to pay or not, you Kazan and Astrakhan
correspondent, you impudent face?”
Moshkin stopped in front of
her, put out his empty palm, and said: “That’s all I have.”
He said nothing about his
last three-rouble note. The landlady hissed: “I’m not hard on you, but I need
money. Wood’s seven roubles a load now, how am I to pay it? You can’t live on
nothing. Can’t you find some one to look after you? You’re a young man of
ability, and you have quite a charming appearance. You can always get hold of
some goose or other. But how am I to pay? Whichever way you turn you’ve got to
put down money.”
Moshkin replied: “Don’t
worry, Praskovya Petrovna, I am getting a job to-night, and I’ll pay what I owe
you.”
He began to pace the room
again, making a flapping noise with his slippers.
The landlady paused at the
door, and kept on with her grumbling. When she went at last, she cried out:
“Another in my place would have shown you the door long ago.”
For some time after she had
left there still remained in his memory her strange, erect figure, with relaxed
arms; her broad, yellow forehead, shaped like a triangle under her
smoothly-oiled hair; her worn yellow dress, cut away like a narrow triangle,
and her red, sniffling nose shaped like a small triangle. Three triangles in all.
All day long Moshkin was
hungry, cheerful, and indignant. He walked aimlessly in the streets. He looked
at the girls, and they all seemed to him to be lovable, happy, and
accessible—to the rich. He stopped before the shop windows, where expensive
goods were displayed. The glimmer of hunger in his eyes grew keener and keener.
He bought a newspaper. He
read as he sat on a form in the square, where the children laughed and ran,
where the nurses tried to look fashionable, where there was a smell of dust and
of consumptive trees—and where the smells of the street and of the garden
mingled unpleasantly, reminding him of the smell of gutta-percha. Moshkin was
very much struck by an account in the newspaper of a hungry fanatic who had
slashed a picture by a celebrated artist in the museum.
“Now that’s something I can
understand!”
Moshkin walked briskly along
the path. He repeated: “Now that’s something I can understand!”
And afterwards, as he walked
in the streets and looked at the huge and stately houses, at the exposed wealth
of the shops, at the elegant dress of the people of fashion, at the swiftly
moving carriages, at all these beauties and comforts of life, accessible to all
who have money, and inaccessible to him—as he looked and observed and envied,
he felt more and more keenly the mood of destructive rage.
“Now that’s something I can
understand!”
He walked up to a stout and
pompous house-porter, and shouted: “Now that’s something I can understand!”
The porter looked at him
with silent scorn. Moshkin laughed joyously, and said: “Clever chaps those
anarchists!”
“Be off with you!” exclaimed
the porter angrily. “And see that you don’t over-eat yourself.”
Moshkin was about to leave
him but stopped short in fright. There was a policeman quite near, and his
white gloves stood out with startling sharpness. Moshkin thought in his
sadness:
“A bomb might come in handy
here.”
The porter spat angrily
after him, and turned away.
Moshkin walked on. At six
o’clock he entered a restaurant of the middle rank. He chose a table by the
window. He had some vodka, and followed it with anchovies. He ordered a
seventy-five copeck dinner. He had a bottle of chablis on ice; after dinner a
liqueur. He got slightly intoxicated. His head went round at the sound of
music. He did not take his change. He left, reeling slightly, accompanied
respectfully by a porter, into whose hand he stuck a twenty-copeck piece.
He looked at his nickelled
watch. It was just past seven. It was time to go. He had to make haste. They
might hire another. He strode impetuously toward his destination.
He was hindered by: dug up
pavements; superannuated, eternally somnolent cabbies, at street crossings;
passers-by, especially muzhiks and women; those who came
toward him, without stepping aside at all, or who stepped aside more often to
the left than to the right—while those whom he had to overtake joggled along
indifferently on the narrow way, and it was hard to tell at once on which side
to pass them; beggars—these clung to him; and the mechanical process of walking
itself.
How difficult to conquer
space and time when one is in a hurry! Truly the earth drew him to itself and
he purchased every step with violence and exhaustion. He felt pains in his
legs. This increased his spite, and intensified the glimmer of hunger in his
eyes.
Moshkin thought:
“I’d like to chuck it all to
the devil! To all the devils!”
At last he got there.
Here was the Row, and here
was House No. 78. It was a four-storey house, in a state of neglect; the two
approaches had a gloomy look, the gates in the middle stood wide agape. He
looked at the plates at the approaches; the first numbers were here, and there
was no No. 57. No one was in sight. There was a white button at the gates; and
on the brass plate, below, buried under dirt, was the word “porter.”
He pressed the button and
entered the gate to look for the directory of the tenants. Before he had got
that far he was met by the porter, a man of insinuating appearance, with a
black beard.
“Where is apartment No. 57?”
Moshkin asked the question
in a careless manner, borrowed from the district official who had caused him to
lose his place. He also knew from experience that one must address porters just
like this, and not like that. Wandering in strange gates and on strange
staircases gives one a certain polish.
The porter asked somewhat
suspiciously: “Who do you want?”
Moshkin drawled out his
words with artless carelessness: “I don’t exactly know. I’ve come in answer to
an announcement. I’ve received a letter, but the name is not signed. Only the
address is given. Who lives at No. 57?”
“Madame Engelhardova,” said
the porter.
“Engelhardt?” asked Moshkin.
The porter repeated:
“Engelhardova.”
Moshkin smiled. “And what’s
her Russian name?”
“Elena Petrovna,” the porter
answered.
“Is she a bad-tempered hag?”
asked Moshkin for some reason or other.
“No-o, she’s a young lady.
Quite stylish. Turn to the right of the gate.”
“Only the first numbers are
given there,” said Moshkin.
The porter said: “No, you’ll
also find 57 there. At the very bottom.”
Moshkin asked: “What does
she do? Does she run a business of some sort? A school? Or a journal?”
No. Madame Engelhardova had
neither a school, nor a journal.
“She lives on her capital,”
explained the porter.
Madame Engelhardova’s maid,
who looked like a village girl, led him into the drawing-room, to the right of
the dark ante-room, and asked him to wait.
He waited. It was tedious
and annoying. He began to examine the contents of the elaborately furnished
room. There were arm-chairs, tables, stools, folding screens, fire-screens,
book-shelves, and small columns upon which rested busts, lamps, and artistic
gew-gaws; there were mirrors, lithographs, and clocks on the walls; while the
windows were decorated with hangings and flowers. All these made the room
crowded, oppressive and dark. Moshkin paced through this depression over the
rugs. He looked at the pictures and the statues with hate.
“I’d like to chuck all this
to the devil! To all the devils!”
But when the mistress of the
house walked in suddenly he lowered his eyes, and hid his glimmer of hunger.
She was young, pink, and
tall and quite good-looking. She walked quickly and with decision, like the
mistress of a village house, and swung, not altogether gracefully, her strong,
handsome white arms bared from above the elbows.
She came to him and held out
her hand, a little high—to be pressed, or to be kissed, as he chose. He kissed
it. There was spite in his kiss. He did it with a quick, resounding smack, and
one of his teeth scratched her skin slightly, so that she winced. But she said
nothing. She walked toward the divan, got behind the table and sat down. She
showed him an armchair.
When he had seated himself,
she asked him: “Was that your announcement in yesterday’s paper?”
He said: “Mine.”
He reconsidered, and said
more politely: “Yes, mine.”
He felt vexed, and he
thought to himself: “I’d like to send her to the devil!”
She went on talking. She
asked him what he could do, where he had studied, where he had worked. She
approached the subject very cautiously, as though afraid to say too much before
the proper time.
He gathered that she wished
to publish a journal—she had not yet decided what sort. Some sort. A small one.
She was negotiating for the purchase of a property. Of the nature of the
journal she said nothing.
She needed some one for the
office. As he had said in his announcement that he was a pedagogue she thought
that he had taught in one of the higher schools.
In any case, she wanted some
one to keep the books in the office, to receive subscriptions, to carry on the
editorial and the office correspondence, to receive money by post, to put the
journals in wrappers, to send them to the post, to read proofs, and something
else ... and still something else....
The young woman spoke for
half an hour. She recounted the various duties in an unintelligent way.
“You need several people for
all these tasks,” said Moshkin sharply.
The young woman grew red
with vexation. She made a wry face as she remarked eagerly: “The journal will
be a small one, of a special nature. If I hired several people for such a small
undertaking they would have nothing to do.”
He smiled, and observed:
“Well, anyhow there’ll be no chance for boredom. How many hours a day will you
want me to work?”
“Well, let us say from nine
in the morning until seven in the evening. Sometimes, when the work is in a
hurry you might remain a little longer, or you might come in on a holiday—I
believe you are free?”
“How much do you think of
paying?”
“Would eighteen roubles a
month be enough for you?”
He reflected a while, then
he laughed.
“Too little.”
“I can’t afford more than
twenty-two.”
“Very well.”
He rose suddenly in his
rage, thrust his hand into his pocket, drew out the latchkey to his house, and
said quietly but resolutely: “Hands up!”
“Oh!” exclaimed the young
woman, and she quickly raised her arms.
She was sitting on the
divan. She was pale and trembling.
They formed a contrast—she
large and strong; and he small and meagre.
The sleeves of her dress
fell to her shoulders, and the two bare white arms, stretching upward, seemed
like the plump legs of a woman acrobat practising at home. She was evidently
strong enough to hold up her arms for a long time. But her frightened face
betrayed the deep terror of her ordeal.
Moshkin, enjoying her
plight, uttered slowly and sternly: “Move, if you dare! Or give a single
whisper!”
He approached a picture.
“How much does this cost?”
“Two hundred and twenty,
without the frame,” said the young woman in a trembling voice.
He searched in his pocket
and found a penknife. He cut the picture from top to bottom, and from right to
left.
“Oh!” the young woman cried
out.
He approached a small marble
head.
“What does this cost?”
“Three hundred.”
He used his latchkey, and
struck off the ear and the nose, and he mutilated the cheeks. The young woman
sighed quietly; and it was pleasant to hear her quiet sighing.
He cut up a few more
pictures, and the armchair coverings, and broke a few of the gew-gaws.
He then approached the young
woman, and exclaimed: “Get under the divan!”
She obeyed.
“Lie there quietly, until
some one comes. Or else I’ll throw a bomb.”
He left. He met no one,
either in the ante-room, or on the stairs.
The same house-porter stood
at the gates. Moshkin went up to him and said: “What a strange young lady you
have in your house.”
“Why?”
“She doesn’t know how to
behave. She loves a brawl. You had better go to her.”
“No use my going as long as
I’m not called.”
“Just as you please.”
He left. The glimmer of
hunger grew fainter in his eyes.
Moshkin continued to walk
the streets. His mind realized in a slow, dull way the drawing-room scene, the
mutilated pictures, and the young woman under the divan.
The dull waters of the canal
lured him. The receding light of the setting sun made their surface beautiful
and sad, like the music of a mad composer. How rough the stone slabs were on
the canal’s banks, and how dusty the stones of the pavements, and what stupid
and dirty children ran to meet him! Everything seemed shut against him and
everything seemed hostile to him.
The green, golden waters of the
canal lured him, and the glimmer of hunger in his eyes went out for ever.
What a noise the swift
splash of water made, as, ring after ring, the dead black rings spread out and
out, and cut the green golden waters of the canal.
7.HIDE AND SEEK
I
Everything in Lelechka’s
nursery was bright, pretty, and cheerful. Lelechka’s sweet voice charmed her
mother. Lelechka was a delightful child. There was no other such child, there
never had been, and there never would be. Lelechka’s mother, Serafima
Alexandrovna, was sure of that. Lelechka’s eyes were dark and large, her cheeks
were rosy, her lips were made for kisses and for laughter. But it was not these
charms in Lelechka that gave her mother the keenest joy. Lelechka was her
mother’s only child. That was why every movement of Lelechka’s bewitched her
mother. It was great bliss to hold Lelechka on her knees and to fondle her; to
feel the little girl in her arms—a thing as lively and as bright as a little
bird.
To tell the truth, Serafima
Alexandrovna felt happy only in the nursery. She felt cold with her husband.
Perhaps it was because he
himself loved the cold—he loved to drink cold water, and to breathe cold air.
He was always fresh and cool, with a frigid smile, and wherever he passed cold
currents seemed to move in the air.
The Nesletyevs, Sergei
Modestovich and Serafima Alexandrovna, had married without love or calculation,
because it was the accepted thing. He was a young man of thirty-five, she a
young woman of twenty-five; both were of the same circle and well brought up;
he was expected to take a wife, and the time had come for her to take a
husband.
It even seemed to Serafima
Alexandrovna that she was in love with her future husband, and this made her
happy. He looked handsome and well-bred; his intelligent grey eyes always
preserved a dignified expression; and he fulfilled his obligations of a fiancé
with irreproachable gentleness.
The bride was also
good-looking; she was a tall, dark-eyed, dark-haired girl, somewhat timid but
very tactful. He was not after her dowry, though it pleased him to know that
she had something. He had connexions, and his wife came of good, influential
people. This might, at the proper opportunity, prove useful. Always
irreproachable and tactful, Nesletyev got on in his position not so fast that
any one should envy him, nor yet so slow that he should envy any one
else—everything came in the proper measure and at the proper time.
After their marriage there
was nothing in the manner of Sergei Modestovich to suggest anything wrong to his
wife. Later, however, when his wife was about to have a child, Sergei
Modestovich established connexions elsewhere of a light and temporary nature.
Serafima Alexandrovna found this out, and, to her own astonishment, was not
particularly hurt; she awaited her infant with a restless anticipation that
swallowed every other feeling.
A little girl was born;
Serafima Alexandrovna gave herself up to her. At the beginning she used to tell
her husband, with rapture, of all the joyous details of Lelechka’s existence.
But she soon found that he listened to her without the slightest interest, and
only from the habit of politeness. Serafima Alexandrovna drifted farther and
farther away from him. She loved her little girl with the ungratified passion
that other women, deceived in their husbands, show their chance young lovers.
“Mamochka, let’s
play priatki,” (hide and seek), cried Lelechka, pronouncing
the r like the l, so that the word sounded
“pliatki.”
This charming inability to
speak always made Serafima Alexandrovna smile with tender rapture. Lelechka
then ran away, stamping with her plump little legs over the carpets, and hid
herself behind the curtains near her bed.
“Tiu-tiu, mamochka!”
she cried out in her sweet, laughing voice, as she looked out with a single roguish
eye.
“Where is my baby girl?” the
mother asked, as she looked for Lelechka and made believe that she did not see
her.
And Lelechka poured out her
rippling laughter in her hiding place. Then she came out a little farther, and
her mother, as though she had only just caught sight of her, seized her by her
little shoulders and exclaimed joyously: “Here she is, my Lelechka!”
Lelechka laughed long and
merrily, her head close to her mother’s knees, and all of her cuddled up
between her mother’s white hands. Her mother’s eyes glowed with passionate
emotion.
“Now, mamochka,
you hide,” said Lelechka, as she ceased laughing.
Her mother went to hide.
Lelechka turned away as though not to see, but watched her mamochka stealthily
all the time. Mamma hid behind the cupboard, and exclaimed: “Tiu-tiu,
baby girl!”
Lelechka ran round the room
and looked into all the corners, making believe, as her mother had done before,
that she was seeking—though she really knew all the time where her mamochka was
standing.
“Where’s my mamochka?”
asked Lelechka. “She’s not here, and she’s not here,” she kept on repeating, as
she ran from corner to corner.
Her mother stood, with
suppressed breathing, her head pressed against the wall, her hair somewhat
disarranged. A smile of absolute bliss played on her red lips.
The nurse, Fedosya, a
good-natured and fine-looking, if somewhat stupid woman, smiled as she looked
at her mistress with her characteristic expression, which seemed to say that it
was not for her to object to gentlewomen’s caprices. She thought to herself:
“The mother is like a little child herself—look how excited she is.”
Lelechka was getting nearer
her mother’s corner. Her mother was growing more absorbed every moment by her
interest in the game; her heart beat with short quick strokes, and she pressed
even closer to the wall, disarranging her hair still more. Lelechka suddenly
glanced toward her mother’s corner and screamed with joy.
“I’ve found ’oo,” she cried
out loudly and joyously, mispronouncing her words in a way that again made her
mother happy.
She pulled her mother by her
hands to the middle of the room, they were merry and they laughed; and Lelechka
again hid her head against her mother’s knees, and went on lisping and lisping,
without end, her sweet little words, so fascinating yet so awkward.
Sergei Modestovich was
coming at this moment toward the nursery. Through the half-closed doors he
heard the laughter, the joyous outcries, the sound of romping. He entered the
nursery, smiling his genial cold smile; he was irreproachably dressed, and he
looked fresh and erect, and he spread round him an atmosphere of cleanliness,
freshness and coldness. He entered in the midst of the lively game, and he
confused them all by his radiant coldness. Even Fedosya felt abashed, now for her
mistress, now for herself. Serafima Alexandrovna at once became calm and
apparently cold—and this mood communicated itself to the little girl, who
ceased to laugh, but looked instead, silently and intently, at her father.
Sergei Modestovich gave a
swift glance round the room. He liked coming here, where everything was
beautifully arranged; this was done by Serafima Alexandrovna, who wished to
surround her little girl, from her very infancy, only with the loveliest
things. Serafima Alexandrovna dressed herself tastefully; this, too, she did
for Lelechka, with the same end in view. One thing Sergei Modestovich had not
become reconciled to, and this was his wife’s almost continuous presence in the
nursery.
“It’s just as I thought....
I knew that I’d find you here,” he said with a derisive and condescending
smile.
They left the nursery
together. As he followed his wife through the door Sergei Modestovich said
rather indifferently, in an incidental way, laying no stress on his words:
“Don’t you think that it would be well for the little girl if she were
sometimes without your company? Merely, you see, that the child should feel its
own individuality,” he explained in answer to Serafima Alexandrovna’s puzzled
glance.
“She’s still so little,”
said Serafima Alexandrovna.
“In any case, this is but my
humble opinion. I don’t insist. It’s your kingdom there.”
“I’ll think it over,” his
wife answered, smiling, as he did, coldly but genially.
Then they began to talk of
something else.
II
Nurse Fedosya, sitting in
the kitchen that evening, was telling the silent housemaid Darya and the
talkative old cook Agathya about the young lady of the house, and how the child
loved to play priatki with her mother—“She hides her little
face, and cries ‘tiu-tiu’!”
“And the barinya[1] herself is like a little one,”
added Fedosya, smiling.
Agathya listened and shook
her head ominously; while her face became grave and reproachful.
“That the barinya does
it, well, that’s one thing; but that the young lady does it, that’s bad.”
“Why?” asked Fedosya with
curiosity.
This expression of curiosity
gave her face the look of a wooden, roughly-painted doll.
“Yes, that’s bad,” repeated
Agathya with conviction. “Terribly bad!”
“Well?” said Fedosya, the
ludicrous expression of curiosity on her face becoming more emphatic.
“She’ll hide, and hide, and
hide away,” said Agathya, in a mysterious whisper, as she looked cautiously
toward the door.
“What are you saying?” exclaimed
Fedosya, frightened.
“It’s the truth I’m saying,
remember my words,” Agathya went on with the same assurance and secrecy. “It’s
the surest sign.”
The old woman had invented
this sign, quite suddenly, herself; and she was evidently very proud of it.
[1] Gentlewoman.
III
Lelechka was asleep, and
Serafima Alexandrovna was sitting in her own room, thinking with joy and
tenderness of Lelechka. Lelechka was in her thoughts, first a sweet, tiny girl,
then a sweet, big girl, then again a delightful little girl; and so until the
end she remained mamma’s little Lelechka.
Serafima Alexandrovna did
not even notice that Fedosya came up to her and paused before her. Fedosya had
a worried, frightened look.
“Barinya, barinya”
she said quietly, in a trembling voice.
Serafima Alexandrovna gave a
start. Fedosya’s face made her anxious.
“What is it, Fedosya?” she
asked with great concern. “Is there anything wrong with Lelechka?”
“No, barinya,”
said Fedosya, as she gesticulated with her hands to reassure her mistress and
to make her sit down. “Lelechka is asleep, may God be with her! Only I’d like
to say something—you see—Lelechka is always hiding herself—that’s not good.”
Fedosya looked at her
mistress with fixed eyes, which had grown round from fright.
“Why not good?” asked
Serafima Alexandrovna, with vexation, succumbing involuntarily to vague fears.
“I can’t tell you how bad it
is,” said Fedosya, and her face expressed the most decided confidence.
“Please speak in a sensible
way,” observed Serafima Alexandrovna dryly. “I understand nothing of what you
are saying.”
“You see, barinya,
it’s a kind of omen,” explained Fedosya abruptly, in a shamefaced way.
“Nonsense!” said Serafima
Alexandrovna.
She did not wish to hear any
further as to the sort of omen it was, and what it foreboded. But, somehow, a
sense of fear and of sadness crept into her mood, and it was humiliating to
feel that an absurd tale should disturb her beloved fancies, and should agitate
her so deeply.
“Of course I know that
gentlefolk don’t believe in omens, but it’s a bad omen, barinya,”
Fedosya went on in a doleful voice, “the young lady will hide, and hide....”
Suddenly she burst into
tears, sobbing out loudly: “She’ll hide, and hide, and hide away, angelic
little soul, in a damp grave,” she continued, as she wiped her tears with her
apron and blew her nose.
“Who told you all this?”
asked Serafima Alexandrovna in an austere low voice.
“Agathya says so, barinya”
answered Fedosya; “it’s she that knows.”
“Knows!” exclaimed Serafima
Alexandrovna in irritation, as though she wished to protect herself somehow
from this sudden anxiety. “What nonsense! Please don’t come to me with any such
notions in the future. Now you may go.”
Fedosya, dejected, her
feelings hurt, left her mistress.
“What nonsense! As though
Lelechka could die!” thought Serafima Alexandrovna to herself, trying to
conquer the feeling of coldness and fear which took possession of her at the
thought of the possible death of Lelechka. Serafima Alexandrovna, upon
reflection, attributed these women’s beliefs in omens to ignorance. She saw
clearly that there could be no possible connexion between a child’s quite
ordinary diversion and the continuation of the child’s life. She made a special
effort that evening to occupy her mind with other matters, but her thoughts
returned involuntarily to the fact that Lelechka loved to hide herself.
When Lelechka, was still
quite small, and had learned to distinguish between her mother and her nurse,
she sometimes, sitting in her nurse’s arms, made a sudden roguish grimace, and
hid her laughing face in the nurse’s shoulder. Then she would look out with a
sly glance.
Of late, in those rare
moments of the barinya’s absence from the nursery, Fedosya had
again taught Lelechka to hide; and when Lelechka’s mother, on coming in, saw
how lovely the child looked when she was hiding, she herself began to play hide
and seek with her tiny daughter.
IV
The next day Serafima
Alexandrovna, absorbed in her joyous cares for Lelechka, had forgotten
Fedosya’s words of the day before.
But when she returned to the
nursery, after having ordered the dinner, and she heard Lelechka suddenly cry “Tiu-tiu!”
from under the table, a feeling of fear suddenly took hold of her. Though she
reproached herself at once for this unfounded, superstitious dread,
nevertheless she could not enter wholeheartedly into the spirit of Lelechka’s
favourite game, and she tried to divert Lelechka’s attention to something else.
Lelechka was a lovely and
obedient child. She eagerly complied with her mother’s new wishes. But as she
had got into the habit of hiding from her mother in some corner, and of crying
out “Tiu-tiu!” so even that day she returned more than once to the game.
Serafima Alexandrovna tried
desperately to amuse Lelechka. This was not so easy because restless,
threatening thoughts obtruded themselves constantly.
“Why does Lelechka keep on
recalling the tiu-tiu? Why does she not get tired of the same
thing—of eternally closing her eyes, and of hiding her face? Perhaps,” thought
Serafima Alexandrovna, “she is not as strongly drawn to the world as other
children, who are attracted by many things. If this is so, is it not a sign of
organic weakness? Is it not a germ of the unconscious non-desire to live?”
Serafima Alexandrovna was
tormented by presentiments. She felt ashamed of herself for ceasing to play
hide and seek with Lelechka before Fedosya. But this game had become agonizing
to her, all the more agonizing because she had a real desire to play it, and
because something drew her very strongly to hide herself from Lelechka and to
seek out the hiding child. Serafima Alexandrovna herself began the game once or
twice, though she played it with a heavy heart. She suffered as though
committing an evil deed with full consciousness.
It was a sad day for
Serafima Alexandrovna.
V
Lelechka was about to fall
asleep. No sooner had she climbed into her little bed, protected by a network
on all sides, than her eyes began to close from fatigue. Her mother covered her
with a blue blanket. Lelechka drew her sweet little hands from under the
blanket and stretched them out to embrace her mother. Her mother bent down.
Lelechka, with a tender expression on her sleepy face, kissed her mother and let
her head fall on the pillow. As her hands hid themselves under the blanket
Lelechka whispered: “The hands tiu-tiu!”
The mother’s heart seemed to
stop—Lelechka lay there so small, so frail, so quiet. Lelechka smiled gently,
closed her eyes and said quietly: “The eyes tiu-tiu!”
Then even more quietly:
“Lelechka tiu-tiu!”
With these words she fell
asleep, her face pressing the pillow. She seemed so small and so frail under
the blanket that covered her. Her mother looked at her with sad eyes.
Serafima Alexandrovna
remained standing over Lelechka’s bed a long while, and she kept looking at
Lelechka with tenderness and fear.
“I’m a mother: is it
possible that I shouldn’t be able to protect her?” she thought, as she imagined
the various ills that might befall Lelechka.
She prayed long that night,
but the prayer did not relieve her sadness.
VI
Several days passed.
Lelechka caught cold. The fever came upon her at night. When Serafima
Alexandrovna, awakened by Fedosya, came to Lelechka and saw her looking so hot,
so restless, and so tormented, she instantly recalled the evil omen, and a
hopeless despair took possession of her from the first moments.
A doctor was called, and
everything was done that is usual on such occasions—but the inevitable
happened. Serafima Alexandrovna tried to console herself with the hope that
Lelechka would get well, and would again laugh and play—yet this seemed to her
an unthinkable happiness! And Lelechka grew feebler from hour to hour.
All simulated tranquillity,
so as not to frighten Serafima Alexandrovna, but their masked faces only made
her sad.
Nothing made her so unhappy
as the reiterations of Fedosya, uttered between sobs: “She hid herself and hid
herself, our Lelechka!”
But the thoughts of Serafima
Alexandrovna were confused, and she could not quite grasp what was happening.
Fever was consuming
Lelechka, and there were times when she lost consciousness and spoke in
delirium. But when she returned to herself she bore her pain and her fatigue
with gentle good nature; she smiled feebly at her mamochka, so that
her mamochka should not see how much she suffered. Three days
passed, torturing like a nightmare. Lelechka grew quite feeble She did not know
that she was dying.
She glanced at her mother
with her dimmed eyes, and lisped in a scarcely audible, hoarse voice: “Tiu-tiu,
mamochka! Make tiu-tiu, mamochka!”
Serafima Alexandrovna hid
her face behind the curtains near Lelechka’s bed. How tragic!
“Mamochka!” called
Lelechka in an almost inaudible voice.
Lelechka’s mother bent over
her, and Lelechka, her vision grown still more dim, saw her mother’s pale,
despairing face for the last time.
“A white mamochka!”
whispered Lelechka. Mamochka’s white face became blurred, and
everything grew dark before Lelechka. She caught the edge of the bed-cover feebly
with her hands and whispered: “Tiu-tiu!”
Something rattled in her
throat; Lelechka opened and again closed her rapidly paling lips, and died.
Serafima Alexandrovna was in
dumb despair as she left Lelechka, and went out of the room. She met her husband.
“Lelechka is dead,” she said
in a quiet, dull voice.
Sergei Modestovich looked
anxiously at her pale face. He was struck by the strange stupor in her formerly
animated handsome features.
VII
Lelechka was dressed, placed
in a little coffin, and carried into the parlour. Serafima Alexandrovna was
standing by the coffin and looking dully at her dead child. Sergei Modestovich
went to his wife and, consoling her with cold, empty words, tried to draw her
away from the coffin. Serafima Alexandrovna smiled.
“Go away,” she said quietly.
“Lelechka is playing. She’ll be up in a minute.”
“Sima, my dear, don’t
agitate yourself,” said Sergei Modestovich in a whisper. “You must resign
yourself to your fate.”
“She’ll be up in a minute,”
persisted Serafima Alexandrovna, her eyes fixed on the dead little girl.
Sergei Modestovich looked
round him cautiously: he was afraid of the unseemly and of the ridiculous.
“Sima, don’t agitate
yourself,” he repeated. “This would be a miracle, and miracles do not happen in
the nineteenth century.”
No sooner had he said these
words than Sergei Modestovich felt their irrelevance to what had happened. He
was confused and annoyed.
He took his wife by the arm,
and cautiously led her away from the coffin. She did not oppose him.
Her face seemed tranquil and
her eyes were dry. She went into the nursery and began to walk round the room,
looking into those places where Lelechka used to hide herself. She walked all
about the room, and bent now and then to look under the table or under the bed,
and kept on repeating cheerfully: “Where is my little one? Where is my
Lelechka?”
After she had walked round
the room once she began to make her quest anew. Fedosya, motionless, with
dejected face, sat in a corner, and looked frightened at her mistress; then she
suddenly burst out sobbing, and she wailed loudly:
“She hid herself, and hid
herself, our Lelechka, our angelic little soul!”
Serafima Alexandrovna
trembled, paused, cast a perplexed look at Fedosya, began to weep, and left the
nursery quietly.
VIII
Sergei Modestovich hurried
the funeral. He saw that Serafima Alexandrovna was terribly shocked by her
sudden misfortune, and as he feared for her reason he thought she would more
readily be diverted and consoled when Lelechka was buried.
Next morning Serafima Alexandrovna
dressed with particular care—for Lelechka. When she entered the parlour there
were several people between her and Lelechka. The priest and deacon paced up
and down the room; clouds of blue smoke drifted in the air, and there was a
smell of incense. There was an oppressive feeling of heaviness in Serafima
Alexandrovna’s head as she approached Lelechka. Lelechka lay there still and
pale, and smiled pathetically. Serafima Alexandrovna laid her cheek upon the
edge of Lelechka’s coffin, and whispered: “Tiu-tiu, little one!”
The little one did not
reply. Then there was some kind of stir and confusion around Serafima
Alexandrovna; strange, unnecessary faces bent over her, some one held her—and
Lelechka was carried away somewhere.
Serafima Alexandrovna stood
up erect, sighed in a lost way, smiled, and called loudly: “Lelechka!”
Lelechka was being carried
out. The mother threw herself after the coffin with despairing sobs, but she
was held back. She sprang behind the door, through which Lelechka had passed,
sat down there on the floor, and as she looked through the crevice, she cried
out: “Lelechka, tiu-tiu!”
Then she put her head out
from behind the door, and began to laugh.
Lelechka was quickly carried
away from her mother, and those who carried her seemed to run rather than to
walk.
8.THE SMILE
I
Some fifteen boys and girls
and several young men and women had gathered in the garden belonging to the
Semiboyarinov cottage to celebrate the birthday of one of the sons of the
house, Lesha by name, a student of the second class. Lesha’s birthday was made
indeed an occasion for bringing eligible young men to the house for his grown
sisters’ sake.
All were merry and
smiling—the older members of the party as well as the young boys and girls, who
ran up and down the yellow sand of the well-kept footpaths; a pale,
unimpressive boy, who was sitting alone on a bench under a lilac bush and
looking silently at the other boys, was also smiling. His loneliness, his
silence, and his well-worn though clean clothes, all pointed to his poverty and
to his embarrassment in the company of these lively, well-dressed children. His
face was timid and thin, his chest sunken, and his lean hands lay so meekly
that it aroused one’s pity to look at him. Still, he smiled; but even his smile
seemed pitiful; it was as though it depressed him to watch the games and the
happiness of other children, or as though he were afraid to annoy others by his
sad looks and his poor dress.
He was called Grisha
Igumnov. His father had died not long ago; Grisha’s mother occasionally sent
her son to her rich relatives with whom he always felt depressed and uneasy.
“Why do you sit alone? Get
up and run about!” said the blue-eyed Lydochka Semiboyarinov as she passed him.
Grisha did not dare to
disobey; his heart beat violently, his face became covered with small beads of
perspiration. He approached the happy, red-cheeked boys timidly. They looked at
him unfriendlily as at a stranger, and Grisha himself felt at once that he was
not like them: he could not speak so boldly and so loudly; and he had neither
such yellow boots, nor such a round little cap with a woolly red visor turned
jauntily upwards as the boy nearest to him had.
The boys continued to talk
among themselves as though there were no Grisha. Grisha stood near them in an
uneasy pose; his thin shoulders stooped somewhat, his slender fingers held fast
to his narrow girdle, and he smiled timidly. He did not know what to do, and in
his confusion did not hear what the lively boys were saying. They finished their
conversation and scattered suddenly. Grisha, his timid, guilty smile still on
his face, walked back uneasily on the sandy path and sat down once more on the
bench. He was ashamed because he had walked up to the boys, yet had not spoken
to any one, and because nothing had come of it. As he sat down he looked
timidly round him—no one paid him the slightest attention, and no one laughed
at him. Grisha grew calm.
Just then two little girls,
their arms round each other, passed him. Under their fixed stare Grisha shrank,
grew red, and smiled guiltily.
When the little girls had
passed by the youngest of them, with fair hair, asked loudly: “Who’s this ugly
duckling?”
The elder girl, who was
red-cheeked and black-browed, laughed and answered: “I don’t know. We had better
ask Lydochka. It’s most likely a poor relation.”
“What an absurd boy,” said
the little blonde. “He spreads his ears out, and sits there and smiles.”
They disappeared behind the
bushes at the turn of the path, and Grisha no longer heard their voices. He
felt hurt, and when he thought that he might have to sit there a long time,
until his mother should come for him, he was sick at heart.
A big-eyed, slender student
with a stubborn crest of hair sticking up from his high forehead noticed that
Grisha was sitting alone there like an orphan, and he wished to be kind to him,
and to make him feel more at his ease; so he sat down near him.
“What’s your name?” he
asked.
Grisha told him quietly.
“And my name is Mitya,” said
the student. “Are you here alone, or with any one?”
“With mother,” whispered
Grisha.
“Why do you sit here all by
yourself?” asked Mitya.
Grisha stirred nervously,
and did not know what to say.
“Why don’t you play?”
“I don’t want to.”
Mitya did not hear him so he
asked: “What did you say?”
“I don’t feel like it,” said
Grisha somewhat more loudly.
The student, astonished,
continued: “Why don’t you feel like it?”
Grisha again did not know
what to say; he smiled in a lost way. Mitya was looking at him attentively.
Glances of strangers always embarrassed Grisha; it was as though he feared that
they might find something absurd in his appearance.
Mitya was silent for a
while, as he thought of something else that he might ask.
“What do you collect?” he
asked. “You’ve got a collection of something, haven’t you? We all collect:
I—stamps, Katya Pokrivalova—shells, Lesha—butterflies. What do you collect?”
“Nothing,” said Grisha,
flushing.
“Well, well,” said Mitya
with artless astonishment. “So you collect nothing! That’s very curious.”
Grisha felt ashamed that he
was not collecting anything, and that he had disclosed the fact.
“I, too, must collect
something!” he thought to himself, but he could not decide to say this aloud.
Mitya sat a little longer,
then left him. Grisha felt a relief. But a new ordeal was in store for him.
The nurse engaged by the
Semiboyarinovs for their youngest son was strolling along the garden paths with
the one-year-old child in her arms. She wished to rest, and chose the same
bench upon which Grisha was sitting. He again felt uneasy. He looked straight
before him, and could not even decide to move away from the nurse to the other
end of the bench.
The infant’s attention soon
became drawn to Grisha’s protruding ears, and he leant forward towards one of
them. The nurse, a robust, red-cheeked woman, concluded that Grisha would not
mind. She brought her charge nearer to Grisha, and the pink infant caught
Grisha’s ear with his fat little hand. Grisha was paralysed with confusion, but
could not decide to protest. The child, laughing loudly and merrily, now let go
Grisha’s ear, now caught hold of it again. The red-cheeked nurse, who enjoyed
the game not less than the infant, kept on repeating: “Let’s go for him! Let’s
give it to him!”
One of the boys saw the
scene, and told the other boys that little Georgik was obstreperous with the
quiet boy who was sitting so long on the bench. The children gathered round
Georgik and Grisha, and laughed noisily. Grisha tried to show that he didn’t
mind, that he felt no pain, and that he also enjoyed the fun. But it grew
harder and harder for him to smile, and he had a very strong desire to cry. He
knew that he ought not to cry, that it was a disgrace, and he restrained
himself with an effort.
Happily he was soon
delivered. The blue-eyed Lydochka, upon hearing the children’s boisterous
laughter, went to see what had happened. She reproached the nurse: “Aren’t you
ashamed to go on like this?”
She herself had difficulty
to keep from laughing at Grisha’s pitiful, confused face. But she restrained
herself, and upheld her dignity as a grown young woman before the nurse and the
children.
The nurse rose and said,
laughing: “Georginka did it quite gently. The boy himself didn’t say that it
hurt him.”
“You mustn’t do such
things,” said Lydochka sternly.
Georgik, unhappy because
they had taken him away from Grisha, raised a cry. Lydochka took him in her
arms and carried him away to quiet him. The nurse followed her. But the boys
and the girls remained. They thronged round Grisha and eyed him
unceremoniously.
“Perhaps he’s got stuck-on
ears,” suggested one of the boys, “that’s why he doesn’t feel any pain.”
“I rather think you like to
be held by your ears,” said another.
“Tell us,” said the little
girl with the large blue eyes, “which ear does your mother catch hold of most?”
“His ears have been
stretched out to order in a workshop,” cried a merry youngster, and laughed
loudly at his own joke.
“No,” another corrected him,
“he was born like that. When he was very small he was led not by his hand but
by his ear.”
Grisha looked at his
tormentors like a small beast at bay, with a fixed smile on his face, when,
suddenly, wholly unexpectedly to the cheerful company, he burst into tears.
Many small drops fell on his jacket. The children grew quiet at once. They
became uneasy. They exchanged embarrassed glances, and looked silently at
Grisha as he wiped the tears from his face with his thin hands; he appeared to
be ashamed of his tears.
“Why should he be offended?”
said the beautiful, flaxen-haired Katya angrily. “Who’s done him any harm? The
ugly duckling!”
“He’s not an ugly duckling.
You’re an ugly duckling yourself,” intervened Mitya.
“I can’t stand rude people,”
said Katya, growing red with vexation.
A little, brown-faced girl
in a red dress looked long at Grisha, and knitted her brows as in reflection.
Then she scanned the other children with her perplexed eyes, and asked quietly:
“Why then did he smile?”
II
It was not often that
Grisha’s wardrobe received important additions. His mother could not afford it;
hence, every item gave Grisha great joy. The autumn cold came, and Grisha’s
mother bought an overcoat, a hat and mittens. The mittens pleased Grisha more
than anything else.
On the holiday, after Mass,
he put on his new things and went out to play. He loved to walk about in the
streets, and he used to go out alone; his mother had no time to go out with
him. She looked proudly out of the window as Grisha walked gravely by. She
recalled at that moment her well-to-do relatives who had promised her so much,
and had done so little, and she thought: “Well, I’ve managed it without them,
thank God!”
It was a cold, clear day;
the sun did not shine with its full brightness; the waters of the canals in the
city were covered with their first thin ice. Grisha walked the streets,
rejoicing in this brisk cold, in his new clothes, and with his naïve fancies;
he always loved to dream when he was alone, and he dreamt always of great
deeds, of fame, of a bright, happy life in a rich house, indeed of everything
that was unlike the sad reality.
As Grisha stood on the bank
of the canal and looked through the iron railings at the thin ice that floated
on the surface, he was approached by a street urchin in threadbare attire, and
with hands red from the cold. He entered into conversation with Grisha. Grisha
was not afraid of him, and even pitied him because of his benumbed hands. His
new acquaintance informed him that he was called Mishka, but that his family
name was Babushkin, because he and his mother lived with his babushka.[1]
“But then what is your
mother’s family name?”
“My mother’s name?” repeated
Mishka, smiling. “She’s called Matushkin, because my babushka is
no babushka to her, but is her matushka.”[2]
“That’s strange,” said
Grisha with astonishment. “My mother and I have one family name; we are called
the Igumnovs.”
“That’s because,” explained
Mishka with animation, “your grandfather was an igumen.”[3]
“No,” said Grisha, “my
grandfather was a colonel.”
“All the same it’s likely
that his father, or some one else was an igumen, and so you have
all become the Igumnovs.”
Grisha did not know who his
great-grandfather was, so he said nothing, Mishka kept on eyeing his mittens.
“You have handsome mittens,”
he said.
“New ones,” Grisha
explained, with a joyous smile. “It’s the first time I’ve put them on; d’you
see, here is a little string drawn through!”
“Well, you’re a lucky one!
And are they quite warm?”
“Rather!”
“I have also mittens at
home, but I haven’t put them on because I don’t like them. They are yellow, and
I don’t like yellow ones. Let me put yours on, and I’ll run along and show them
to my babushka, and ask her to get me a pair like them.”
Mishka looked at Grisha
pleadingly, and his eyes sparkled enviously.
“You won’t keep me waiting
long?” asked Grisha.
“No, I live quite near here,
just round the corner. Don’t be afraid! Upon my word, in a minute!”
Grisha trustfully took off
his mittens and gave them to Mishka.
“I’ll be back in a minute,
wait here, don’t go away,” exclaimed Mishka, as he ran off with Grisha’s
mittens. He disappeared round the corner, and Grisha was left waiting. He did
not imagine that Mishka would fool him; he thought that he would simply run
home, show his mittens, and return with them. He stood there long and waited,
and Mishka did not even dream of returning.
The short autumn day was
already darkening; Grisha’s mother, restless because of her boy’s long absence,
went out to look for him. Grisha at last understood that Mishka would not
return. The poor boy turned sadly toward home and he met his mother.
“Grisha, what have you done
with yourself” she asked, angry and glad at finding her son.
Grisha did not reply. He
seemed embarrassed as he rubbed his hands, red with cold. His mother then
noticed that he did not wear his mittens.
“Where are your mittens?”
she asked angrily, as she searched his overcoat pockets.
Grisha smiled and said: “I
lent them to a boy for a short time, and he didn’t bring them back.”
[1] Grandmother.
[2] Mother.
[3] An abbot.
III
Years passed after years.
The bold and pushing children who once had gathered on Lesha Semiboyarinov’s
birthday became bold and pushing men and women, and the urchin who had fooled
Grisha, it goes without saying, found his way in life—while Grisha, of course,
became a failure. As in his childhood, he went on dreaming, and in his dreams
he conquered his kingdom; but in real life he could not protect himself from
any enterprising person who pushed him unceremoniously out of his way. His
relations with women were equally unsuccessful, and his faint-hearted
attentions were not once rewarded by a responsive feeling. He had no friends.
His mother alone loved him.
Igumnov rejoiced when he
found a position at a small salary, because his mother could live calmly now
without worrying about a crust of bread. But his happiness was of short
duration; soon his mother died. Grisha fell into depression, lost his spirits.
Life seemed to him to be aimless. Apathy took hold of him; he had no interest
in his work. He lost his place, and was soon in great need.
Igumnov finally pawned his
last possession, his mother’s ring; as he walked out of the place he smiled—and
his smile kept him from bursting into tears of self-pity.
He had to see various people
and to ask them for work. But Igumnov was not good at this. He was backward and
quiet, and he experienced a helpless confusion that prevented him from
persisting in his dealings with men. While yet on the stairway of a man’s house
a fear would seize him, his heart would beat painfully, his legs would grow
heavy, and his hand would stretch toward the bell irresolutely.
During one of his most
depressing and hungry days Igumnov sat in the sumptuous private office of
Aleksei Stepanovich Semiboyarinov, the father of the same Lesha whose birthday
party remained memorable to him. Igumnov had already sent a letter to Aleksei
Stepanovich: after all it was much easier to ask on paper than by word of
mouth. And now he came for his answer.
From the restless,
solicitous manner of Semiboyarinov, a small, dry, old man, with closely-cut,
silver-grey hair, he guessed that he would have a refusal. This made him feel
wretched, but he could not help smiling an artless pleasant smile, as though he
wished to show that it did not matter in the least, that he really did not
count on anything. The smile evidently irritated Semiboyarinov.
“I’ve got your letter, my
dear fellow,” said he at last in his dry, deliberate voice. “But there’s
nothing that I can see just now.”
“Nothing?” mumbled Igumnov,
growing red.
“Absolutely nothing, my dear
fellow. Every place is taken. And I don’t see anything in prospect for the near
future. Perhaps something might be done for you at New Year.”
“I’ll be glad of a chance
even then,” said Igumnov, smiling in such a way as to suggest that a mere eight
months was of no account to him.
“Yes, I’ll be very glad to
do something then. If it depended upon me you’d get your place to-day. I’d like
very much to be of use to you, my good man.”
“Thank you,” said Igumnov.
“But tell me,” asked
Semiboyarinov sympathetically, “why did you leave your old place?”
“They found no use for me,”
answered Igumnov, confused.
“No use for you? Well, I
hope we’ll find some use for you. Let me have your address, my good fellow.”
Semiboyarinov began to
rummage on his table for a piece of paper. Igumnov just then caught sight of
his own letter under a marble paper-weight.
“My address is in the
letter,” he said.
“So it is!” said his host
briskly. “I’ll make a note of it.”
“I have the habit,” observed
Igumnov, rising from his place, “always to write my address at the beginning of
a letter.”
“A European habit,”
commended his host.
Igumnov took his leave and
went out smiling, proud of his European habits, which, however, did not prevent
him from feeling hungry. He was almost glad that the unpleasant conversation
was at an end. He recalled all the polite words, and especially those that
contained the promise; foolish hopes awakened in him. But a few minutes later,
as he was walking in the street, he realized that the promise would come to
nothing. Besides, it was made for the future, and he had need of food now, and
he must go to his lodgings with a heavy heart—what would his landlady say? What
could he say to her?
Igumnov began to walk more
slowly, then he turned in the opposite direction. Lost in gloom, he walked on,
pale and hungry, through the noisy streets of the capital, past busy satiated
people. His smile vanished. The look of dark despair gave a certain
significance to his usually little expressive features.
He was now close to the
Niva. The huge dome of the Isakiyevski Cathedral glowed golden in the wide
expanse of blue sky. The large open squares and streets were enveloped in the
gentle, scarcely perceptible, dust-like haze of the rays of the setting sun.
The din of carriages was softened in these magnificent open spaces. Everything
seemed strange and hostile to the hungry, helpless man. The beautiful,
rich-coloured fruits behind the shop windows could not have been more
inaccessible if they were under the watch of a strong guard.
Children were playing
merrily in the green square. Igumnov looked at them and smiled. Unpleasant
memories of his own childhood tormented him with an intense pity for himself.
He reflected that it was only left to him to die. The thought frightened him.
And again he reflected: “Why shouldn’t I die? Wasn’t there a time when I did
not exist? I shall have rest, eternal oblivion.”
Fragments of wise strange
thoughts came to him and soothed him.
Igumnov was now on the
embankment. He leant against the granite parapet and watched the restless waters
of the river. A single move, he thought, and everything would be ended. But it
was terrible to think of drowning, of struggling with one’s mouth full of
water, of being strangled by these heavy, cold sweeps of water, of battling
helplessly, and of at last sinking from sheer exhaustion to the bottom, there
to be carried by the undercurrents, and at last to be cast out, a shapeless
corpse, upon some coast of the sea.
Igumnov shivered and moved
away from the river. He suddenly espied not far away his former colleague
Kurkov. Smartly dressed, cheerful and self-satisfied, Kurkov was walking slowly
and swinging a thin cane with a fancy handle.
“Ah, Grigory Petrovich!” he
exclaimed, as though he were glad of the meeting. “Are you strolling, or are
you on business?”
“Yes, I’m strolling, that is
on business,” said Igumnov.
“I think we are going the
same way?”
They walked on together.
Kurkov’s cheerful chatter only intensified Igumnov’s mood. Moving his shoulders
nervously he addressed Kurkov with sudden resolution: “Nikolai Sergeyevich, do
you happen to have a rouble on you?”
“A rouble?” said Kurkov in
astonishment. “Why do you want it?”
Igumnov flushed, and began
to explain in stammers. “You see, I ... just one rouble is lacking.... I have
to get something ... something, you see....”
He breathed heavily in his
agitation. He grew silent, and smiled a pitiful, fixed smile.
“That means I shan’t get it
back,” thought Kurkov.
And now he spoke no longer
in the same careless tone as before.
“I’d like to, but I haven’t
any spare cash, not a copeck. I had to borrow some yesterday myself.”
“Well, if you haven’t it,
you can’t help it,” mumbled Igumnov, and continued to smile. “I’ll simply have
to get along without it.”
His smile irritated Kurkov,
perhaps because it was such a pitiful, helpless affair.
“Why does he smile?” thought
Kurkov in vexation. “Doesn’t he believe me? Well, I don’t care if he doesn’t—I
don’t own the Government exchequer.”
“Why don’t you come in
sometimes and see us?” he asked Igumnov in a careless, dry manner, as he looked
elsewhere.
“I am always meaning to. Of
course I’ll come in,” answered Igumnov in a trembling voice. “What about
to-day?”
There rose before him a
picture of the cosy dining-room of the Kurkovs, the hospitable hostess, the
samovar on the table and the various tasty tit-bits.
“To-day?” asked Kurkov in
the same careless, dry voice. “No, we shan’t be home to-day. But do step in
some day before long. Well, I must turn up this lane. Good-bye!”
And he made haste to cross
the wooden walk of the embankment. Igumnov looked after him, and smiled. Slow,
incoherent thoughts crept through his brain.
As Kurkov disappeared up the
lane Igumnov again approached the granite parapet, and, trembling in cold
terror, began slowly and awkwardly to climb over it.
There was no one near.
9.THE HOOP
I
A woman was taking her
morning stroll in a lonely suburban street; a boy of four was with her. She was
young and smart and she was smiling brightly; she was casting affectionate
glances at her son, whose red cheeks beamed with happiness. The boy was bowling
a hoop; a large, new, bright yellow hoop. He ran after his hoop awkwardly,
laughed uproariously with joy, thrust forward his plump little legs, bare at
the knee, and flourished his stick. He needn’t have raised his stick so high
above his head—but what of that?
What happiness! He had never
had a hoop before; how briskly it made him run!
And nothing of this had
existed for him before; everything was new to him—the streets in early morning,
the merry sun, and the distant din of the city. Everything was new to the
boy—and joyous and pure.
II
A shabbily dressed old man,
with coarse hands stood at the street crossing. He pressed close to the wall to
let the woman and the boy pass. The old man looked at the boy with dull eyes
and smiled stupidly. Confused, sluggish thoughts struggled within his almost
bald head.
“A little gentleman!” said
he to himself. “Quite a small fellow. And simply bursting with joy. Just look
at him cutting his paces!”
He could not quite
understand it. Somehow it seemed strange to him.
Here was a child—a thing to
be pulled about by the hair! Play is mischief. Children, as every one knows,
are mischief-makers.
And there was the mother—she
uttered no reproach, she made no fuss, she did not scold. She was smart and
bright. It was quite easy to see that they were used to warmth and comfort.
On the other hand, when he,
the old man, was a boy he lived a dog’s life! There was nothing particularly
rosy in his life even now; though, to be sure, he was no longer thrashed and he
had plenty to eat. He recalled his younger days—their hunger, their cold, their
drubbings. He had never had fun with a hoop, or other playthings of well-to-do
folks. Thus passed all his life—in poverty, in care, in misery. And he could
recall nothing—not a single joy.
He smiled with his toothless
mouth at the boy, and he envied him. He reflected:
“What a silly sport!”
But envy tormented him.
He went to work—to the
factory where he had worked from childhood, where he had grown old. And all day
he thought of the boy.
It was a fixed, deep-rooted
thought. He simply could not get the boy out of his mind. He saw him running,
laughing, stamping his feet, bowling the hoop. What plump little legs he had,
bared at the knee!...
All day long, amid the din
of the factory wheels, the boy with the hoop appeared to him. And at night he
saw the boy in a dream.
III
Next morning his reveries
again pursued the old man.
The machines were
clattering, the labour was monotonous, automatic. The hands were busy at their
accustomed tasks; the toothless mouth was smiling at a diverting fancy. The air
was thick with dust, and under the high ceiling strap after strap, with hissing
sound, glided quickly from wheel to wheel, endless in number. The far corners
were invisible for the dense escaping vapours. Men emerged here and there like
phantoms, and the human voice was not heard for the incessant din of the
machines.
The old man’s fancy was at
work—he had become a little boy for the moment, his mother was a gentlewoman,
and he had his hoop and his little stick; he was playing, driving the hoop with
the little stick. He wore a white costume, his little legs were plump, bare at
the knee....
The days passed; the work
went on, the fancy persisted.
IV
The old man was returning
from work one evening when he saw the hoop of an old barrel lying in the
street. It was a rough, dirty object. The old man trembled with happiness, and
tears appeared in his dull eyes. A sudden, almost irresistible desire took
possession of him.
He glanced cautiously around
him; then he bent down, picked up the hoop with trembling hands, and smiling
shamefacedly, carried it home with him.
No one noticed him, no one
questioned him. Whose concern was it? A ragged old man was carrying an old,
battered, useless hoop—who cared?
He carried it stealthily,
afraid of ridicule. Why he picked it up and why he carried it, he himself could
not tell. Still, it was like the boy’s hoop, and this was enough. There was no
harm in it lying about.
He could look at it; he
could touch it. It would stimulate his reveries; the whistle and turmoil of the
factory would grow fainter, the escaping vapours less dense....
For several days the hoop
lay under the bed in the old man’s poor, cramped quarters. Sometimes he would
take it from its place and look at it; the dirty, grey hoop soothed the old
man, and the sight of it quickened his persistent thoughts about the happy
little boy.
V
It was a clear, warm
morning, and the birds were chirping away in the consumptive urban trees
somewhat more cheerfully than usual. The old man rose early, took his hoop, and
walked a little distance out of town.
He coughed as he made his
way among the old trees and the thorny bushes in the woods. The trees, covered
with their dry, blackish, bursting bark, seemed to him incomprehensibly and
sternly silent. The odours were strange, the insects astonishing, the ferns of
gigantic growth. There was neither dust nor din here, and the gentle, exquisite
morning mist lay behind the trees. The old feet glided over the dry leaves and stumbled
across the old gnarled roots.
The old man broke off a dry
limb and hung his hoop upon it.
He came upon an opening,
full of daylight and of calm. The dewdrops, countless and opalescent, gleamed
upon the green blades of newly mown grass.
Suddenly the old man let the
hoop slide off the stick. He struck with the stick, and sent the hoop rolling
across the green lawn. The old man laughed, brightened at once, and pursued the
hoop like that little boy. He kicked up his feet and drove the hoop with his stick,
which he flourished high over his head, just as that little boy did.
It seemed to him that he was
small, beloved, and happy. It seemed to him that he was being looked after by
his mother, who was following close behind and smiling. Like a child on his first
outing, he felt refreshed on the bright grass, and on the still mosses.
His goat-like, dust-grey
beard, that harmonized with his sallow face, trembled, while his cough mingled
with his laughter, and raucous sounds came from his toothless mouth.
VI
And the old man grew to love
his morning hour in the woods with the hoop.
He sometimes thought he
might be discovered, and ridiculed—and this aroused him to a keen sense of
shame. This shame resembled fear; he would grow numb, and his knees would give
way under him. He would look round him with fright and timidity.
But no—there was no one to
be seen, or to be heard....
And having diverted himself
to his heart’s content he would return to the city, smiling gently and
joyously.
VII
No one had ever found him
out. And nothing unusual ever happened. The old man played peacefully for
several days, and one very dewy morning he caught cold. He went to bed, and
soon died. Dying in the factory hospital, among strangers, indifferent people,
he smiled serenely.
His memories soothed him.
He, too, had been a child; he, too, had laughed and scampered across the green
grass, among the dark trees—his beloved mother had followed him with her eyes.
10.THE SEARCH
I
The pleasant in life has a
way of mixing with the unpleasant. It is pleasant to be a student of the first
class, for it gives one a certain standing in the world. But even the life of a
student of the first class is not free from unpleasantness.
The first thing of which
Shura was conscious when he awoke one morning was that something was tearing on
his person. He felt uncomfortable. As he turned on his side he was even more
clearly aware of the damage that his shirt had suffered. There was a large gap
under the armpits, and presently he realized that it extended down to the very
bottom.
Shura was sad. He remembered
having told his mother only the day before about the condition of his shirt.
“Wear it another day,
Shurochka,” she answered him.
Shura frowned and said
rather sadly: “Mother, it won’t stand another day’s wear. To-morrow I shall be
a ragamuffin.”
Without looking up from her
work she grumbled.
“Let me have some peace. I
have already promised you a change to-morrow evening. If you’d only be less
mischievous your clothes would last longer. You’d wear out iron.”
Shura, who was a quiet lad,
growled back in reply:
“One simply couldn’t be less
mischievous than I. Only sometimes you can’t help it, and then in a reasonable
sort of way.”
His request went unheeded.
And here was the consequence. His shirt was torn to its very hem. It was now
good for nothing, all for want of a little foresight.
He jumped out of bed, and
ran semi-nude into the next-room, where his mother was making ready to go out
to bring back some paying homework. The thought of going to school in
discomfort and of waiting till evening vexed him.
“What did I tell you?” he
exclaimed. “You wouldn’t give me a shirt when I asked you yesterday. Now look
what’s happened!”
Deeply annoyed, she looked
at Shura and complained.
“Aren’t you ashamed to run
about like that? I fear I’ll never drum any sense into you. You always come
bothering me when I’m in a hurry.”
Still, it was quite evident
that it would not do to let the lad go in tatters. She found a brand new shirt
and gave it to Shura somewhat reluctantly, as she had intended giving him one
of the old ones, which were not due to arrive from the laundry until the
evening.
Shura was overjoyed. The new
linen gave him a pleasant sensation, its harsh cold surface tickled the skin
most pleasantly. He laughed, and he pranced about the room as he dressed; and
his mother was not there to scold him.
II
The school, as always,
seemed such a strange place. It was both gay and depressing, and hummed with a
kind of unnatural industry. It was gay in the intervals between the lessons,
and extremely tedious during the lessons.
The subjects of study were
most singular and useless. They concerned: folk, who had died long ago and did
no good while they lived, and whom, for some unknown reason, it was necessary
to recall after all these centuries, although some of the personages had never
even existed; verbs, which were conjugated with something; nouns, which were
declined for some purpose or other, though no use could be found for them in
living speech; figures, which call for proofs of something which need not be
proven at all; and much else, equally inconsequential and absurd. And there was
nothing in all this that one could not do without; there was no correlation of
facts, there was no straightforward answer to the eternal question: Why and Wherefore?
III
That morning early, in the
assembly room, Mitya Krinin asked Shura: “Well, have you brought it?”
Shura recalled that he had
promised to bring Krinin a book of popular songs. He replied: “Just a moment.
I’ve left it in my overcoat.”
He ran into the
dressing-room. The bells suddenly rang out in all parts of the building,
calling the students to prayer, without which the lessons could hardly be
expected to begin.
Shura made haste. He put his
hand in the overcoat pocket, found nothing; then, on discovering that it was
some one else’s overcoat, he exclaimed in vexation:
“There now, that’s something
new—my hand in another boy’s overcoat!”
And he began to search in
his own.
There was an outburst of
derisive laughter. He looked around, startled, to find there the mischievous
Dutikov, who called out in his unpleasant voice: “So, my boy, you’re going
through other people’s pockets!”
Shura growled back angrily:
“It’s not your affair. Anyway, I’m not going through yours.”
He found his book and ran
back to the assembly room, where the students were already ranging themselves
for the service, forming into long rows, according to height. The smaller
students stood in front, near to the ikons, the taller behind; and in each row,
in gradation, the lads on the right were taller than those on the left. The
school faculty considered it necessary for them to pray in rows, and according
to height; otherwise the prayer might come to nothing. Apart from them, there
was a group of boys more proficient in chanting, and the leader of these, at
the beginning of each chant, changed his voice several times—this was called
“setting the tone.” The singing was loud, rapid, expressionless; they might
have all been beating drums. The head student was reading in the prayer book
the prayers which it was customary to read and not to sing—and his reading was
just as loud, just as expressionless. In a word, it was the same as ever.
But after prayers something
happened.
IV
Student Epiphanov, of the
second class, brought with him to school that morning a pearl-handled penknife
and a silver rouble, and now these were nowhere to be found. He raised a cry
and went to complain.
An investigation was
started.
Dutikov reported that he had
seen Shura Dolinin going through the pockets of some one’s overcoat. Shura was
called into the cabinet of the director.
Sergey Ivanovich, the
director, fixed his suspicious eyes on the lad. The old tutor, who saw an
excellent chance of catching a thief, and incidentally of balancing accounts
somewhat for tricks that had been played upon him by the mischievous lads,
experienced malicious pleasure and pounced upon the confused, flushing lad with
questions.
“Why were you in the
dressing-room during prayer?”
“Before prayer, Sergey
Ivanovich,” whimpered Shura in a voice squeaky from fright.
“Very well, before prayer,”
said the director with irony in his voice. “What I want to know is why were you
there?”
Shura explained.
The director continued:
“Very well, after a book. But why in some one else’s pocket?”
“It was a mistake,” said
Shura, distressed.
“A nice mistake,” remarked
the director dryly. “Now confess, haven’t you taken by mistake a penknife and a
rouble. By mistake, mind you? Look through your pockets, my lad.”
Shura began to cry, and said
through his tears: “I haven’t stolen anything.”
The director smiled. It was
pleasant to provoke tears. Such beautiful and such large childish tears
trickled down the pink cheeks in three separate streams: two streams of tears
came from one eye, and only one from the other.
“If you haven’t stolen
anything why do you cry?” said the director in a bantering tone. “I don’t even
say that you have stolen. I assume that you merely made a mistake: caught hold
of something that came into your hand, and then forgot all about it. Suppose
you look through your pockets.”
Shura quickly drew from his
pockets all the absurd trifles usually found on boys, and then turned both his
pockets inside out.
“Nothing,” he said sadly.
The director gave him a
searching look.
“You are sure it hasn’t
dropped down in your clothes somewhere—the knife might have slipped into your
boots, eh?”
He rang. The watchman came.
Shura was crying. And
everything round him seemed to float in a rose mist, in the incomprehensible
mental void of his degradation. They turned Shura about, felt him all over,
searched him. Little by little they undressed him. First they took off his
boots and shook them out; they did the same with his stockings. His belt,
blouse and breeches followed. Everything was shaken out and searched.
And through all this torment
of shame, through all this indignity of a degrading and needless ceremony there
penetrated one resplendent ray of joy; the torn shirt was at home, and the new,
clean one rustled in the coarse hands of the zealous pedagogue.
Shura stood in his shirt,
crying. Behind the door he could hear tumultuous voices and cries of joy.
The door burst open, and a
little, red-cheeked, smiling chap entered hurriedly. And through his shame,
through his tears, and through his joy about the new shirt, Shura heard a
confused and panting voice say:
“It’s been found, Sergey
Ivanovich. On Epiphanov himself. There was a hole in his pocket—the penknife
and rouble slipped down into his boot.”
Then, suddenly, they became
gentle with Shura. They stroked his head, comforted him, and helped him to
dress.
V
Now he cried, now he
laughed. At home he again cried and laughed. He complained:
“I was entirely undressed.
It would have been nice, wouldn’t it, if I had been wearing that torn shirt!”
Later—yes, what happened
later? His mother would go to the director. She wished to make a scene.
Afterwards she would lodge a complaint against him. But she recalled, in the
street, that her boy was a non-paying student. There was no scene. Besides, the
director received her pleasantly. He was so apologetic.
The impression of his
degradation remained with the boy. All its incidents had impressed themselves
upon him: he had been suspected of theft, and searched, and he had stood,
almost naked, undergoing the scrutiny of an officious person. Shameful? Let us,
by all means, console ourselves that it is an experience useful to life.
Weeping, the mother said:
“Who knows—perhaps when you grow up, something of the sort will really happen.
We’ve heard of such things in our time.”
11.THE WHITE MOTHER
I
Easter was near. Esper
Constantinovich Saksaoolov was in a painful and undecided state of mind. It
seemed to have begun when he was asked at the Gorodischevs: “Where are you
greeting the holiday?”
Saksaoolov, for some reason,
did not reply at once. The housewife, who was stout, short-sighted and fussy,
went on: “Come to us.”
Saksaoolov felt vexed—most
likely at the young girl, who at the words of her mother gave him a quick
glance, then averted it, and continued her conversation with a professor’s
young assistant.
Mothers of grown daughters
saw a possible husband in Saksaoolov, which annoyed him. He considered himself
an old bachelor at thirty-seven.
He answered sharply: “Thank
you. But I always pass that night at home.”
The girl glanced at him with
a smile and asked: “With whom?”
“Alone,” answered Saksaoolov
with a shade of astonishment in his voice.
“You’re a misanthrope,” said
Madame Gorodischeva, with a sour smile.
Saksaoolov valued his
freedom. It seemed strange to him, whenever he thought of it, that he had been
so near marriage once. He had lived long in his small but tastefully furnished
apartment, had got used to his man attendant, the elderly and steady Fedota,
and to Fedota’s not less reliable spouse, who cooked his dinner; and he
persuaded himself that he ought to remain single out of memory to his first
love. In truth, his heart was growing cold from indifference born of a lonely,
incomplete life.
He had his own fortune, his
father and mother had died long ago, and he had no near relatives. He lived methodically
and quietly; had something to do with a government department; was intimately
acquainted with contemporary literature and art; and was something of an
epicurean—but life itself seemed to him to be empty and aimless. Were it not
that one pure, radiant fancy visited him at times he would have become entirely
cold, like many others.
II
His first and only love,
which ended before it had time to blossom, wrapt him closely in sad and sweet
reveries, usually in the evenings. Five years earlier he had met a young girl
who left an indelible impression upon him. She was pale, gentle, slender, with
blue eyes, and fair wavy hair. She almost seemed to him not to belong to this
earth, but was like a creature of air and mist, blown for a brief moment by
fate into the city turmoil. Her movements were slow; her gentle, clear voice
was soft, like the murmur of a brook purling over stones.
Saksaoolov, whether by
chance or not, saw her always in a white dress. The impression of white had
become inseparable from his thought of her. Her very name, Tamar, suggested to
him something as white as the snow on the mountain tops.
He began to visit her at the
house of her parents. More than once he had resolved to say to her those words
which bind human fates together. But she never let him go on; she would always
grow frightened and shy, and she would rise and leave him. What frightened her?
Saksaoolov read signs of virgin love in her face; her eyes grew brighter when
he entered, and a light flush suffused her cheeks.
But one never-to-be-forgotten
day she listened to him. It was in the early spring. The ice on the river was
gone, and the trees were covered with a soft green veil. Tamar and Saksaoolov
were sitting before the window in the city house, and looking out on the Niva.
He spoke, scarcely knowing what he said, but his words were both gentle and
terrible to her. She grew pale, smiled vaguely, and rose. Her slender hand
trembled on the carved top of the chair.
“To-morrow,” Tamar said
quietly, and went out.
Saksaoolov gazed with
intense feeling toward the door behind which Tamar had disappeared. His head
was in a whirl. His eye fell upon a sprig of white lilac; he picked it up
almost absently, and left without bidding his hosts good-bye.
He could not sleep that
night. He stood at the window and looked out into the far-stretching streets,
at first dark, then lighter at dawn; he smiled and pressed the sprig of lilac
between his fingers. When it grew light he noticed that the floor of the room
was strewn with white petals of lilac. This seemed both curious and of happy
omen to Saksaoolov. He felt the cool of the breeze on his heated face. He took
a bath and he felt refreshed. Then he went to Tamar.
They told him that she was
ill, that she had caught a cold somewhere. And Saksaoolov never saw her again;
she died within two weeks. He did not go to her funeral. Her death left him
quite calm, and he no longer knew whether he had loved her or whether it was a
short, passing fascination.
He mused about her sometimes
in the evening; but he gradually learned to forget her; and Saksaoolov had no
portrait of her. But after a few years—more precisely, only a year ago—in the
spring, upon seeing a sprig of lilac sadly out of place among rich eatables in
a restaurant window, he remembered Tamar. And from that time on he loved to
think of Tamar again during the evenings.
Sometimes, as he fell into a
light sleep, he dreamt that Tamar came to him, sat opposite him, and looked at
him with unaverted, fond eyes; and that she had something to tell him. And it
was painful to feel Tamar’s expectant glance upon him, and not know what she
wanted of him.
Now, leaving the
Gorodischevs, he thought timidly: “She will come to give me the kiss of
Easter.”
A feeling of fear and
loneliness took hold of him with such intensity that the idea came to him:
“Perhaps it would be well to marry so as not to be alone on holy, mysterious
nights.”
He thought of Valeria
Mikhailovna, the Gorodischev girl. She was by no means a beauty, but she was
always dressed becomingly to set off her looks. She apparently liked him, and
was not likely to reject him if he asked her.
The throng and din in the
street distracted him and his usual somewhat ironic mood swayed his thoughts of
the Gorodischev girl. Could he prove false to Tamar’s memory for any one else?
Everything in the world seemed so paltry to him that he wished no one but Tamar
to give him the kiss of Easter.
“But,” thought he, “she will
again look at me with expectancy. White, gentle Tamar, what does she want? Will
her gentle lips kiss me?”
III
Saksaoolov thought sadly of
Tamar as he wandered in the streets, and looking into the faces of the
passers-by he thought many of the older people unpleasantly coarse. He recalled
that there was no one with whom he would exchange the kiss of Easter with real
desire and joy. There would be many coarse lips and prickly beards, smelling of
wine, to kiss the first day.
It was much pleasanter to
kiss the children. Children’s faces grew lovely in Saksaoolov’s eyes.
He walked a long time, and
when he was tired he entered a church enclosure just off the noisy street. A
pale lad sat on a form and looked up frightened at Saksaoolov; then he once
more began to gaze absently before him. His blue eyes were gentle and sad, like
Tamar’s. He was so small that his feet projected from the seat.
Saksaoolov, who sat near
him, began to eye him, half with pity, half with curiosity. There was something
in this youngster that stirred his memory with joy, and at the same time
excited him. In appearance he was a most ordinary urchin; he had on ragged
clothes, a white fur cap on his bright hair, and a pair of dirty boots, worse
for wear.
He sat long on the form,
then he rose suddenly and gave a cry. He ran out of the gate into the street,
then stopped, turned quickly in another direction, and again stopped. It was
clear that he did not know which way to turn. He began to weep quietly, making
no ado, and large tears ran down his cheeks. A crowd gathered. A policeman
came. They began to ask him where he lived.
“At the Gliukhov house,” he
lisped in a childlike but indistinct tone.
“In what street,” the
policeman asked.
The boy did not know, and
only kept on repeating: “At the Gliukhov house.”
The young and good-natured
policeman thought awhile, and decided that there was no such house near.
“With whom do you live?”
asked a gruff workman. “With your father?”
“I have no father,” answered
the boy, as he scanned the faces round him with his tearful eyes.
“So you’ve got no father,
that’s how it is,” said the workman gravely, and shook his head. “Then where’s
your mother?”
“I have a mother,” the boy
replied.
“What’s her name?”
“Mamma,” said the boy; then,
upon reflection, he added, “black mamma.”
Some one laughed in the
crowd.
“Black? I wonder whether
that’s the name of the family?” suggested the gruff workman.
“First it was a white mamma,
and now it’s a black mamma,” said the boy.
“There’s no making head or
tail of this,” decided the policeman. “I’ll take him to the station. They’ll
telephone about it.”
He went to the gate and
rang. But the house-porter had already seen the policeman and, besom in hand,
he was coming to the gate. The policeman ordered him to take the boy to the
station. But the boy suddenly bethought himself, and cried out: “Never mind,
let me go, I’ll find the way myself.”
Perhaps he was frightened of
the house-porter’s besom, or perhaps he had really recalled something; at any
rate he ran off so hard that Saksaoolov almost lost sight of him. But soon the
boy walked more quietly. He turned street corners and ran from one side to the
other searching for, but not finding, his home. Saksaoolov followed him in
silence. He was not an adept at talking to children.
At last the boy grew tired.
He stopped before a lamp-post and leant against it. Tears gleamed in his eyes.
“My dear boy,” said
Saksaoolov, “haven’t you found it yet?”
The lad looked at him with
his sad, soft eyes, and Saksaoolov suddenly understood what had impelled him to
follow the boy with such resolution. There was something in the face and glance
of the little wanderer that gave him an unusual likeness to Tamar.
“My dear boy, what’s your
name?” asked Saksaoolov in a tender and agitated voice.
“Lesha,” said the boy.
“Tell me, dear Lesha, do you
live with your mother?”
“Yes, with mamma. Only now
it’s a black mamma—and before it was a white mamma.”
Saksaoolov thought that by
black mamma he meant a nun.
“How did you get lost?” he
asked.
“I walked with mamma, and we
walked and walked. She told me to sit down and wait, and then she went away.
And I got frightened.”
“Who is your mother?”
“My mamma? She’s so black
and so angry.”
“What does she do?”
The boy thought awhile.
“She drinks coffee,” he
said.
“What else does she do?”
“She quarrels with the
lodgers,” answered Lesha after a pause.
“And where is your white
mamma?”
“She was carried away. She
was put into a coffin and carried away. And papa was carried away.”
The boy pointed into the
distance somewhere and burst into tears.
“What’s to be done with
him?” thought Saksaoolov.
Then suddenly the boy began
to run again. After he had turned a few corners he went more quietly.
Saksaoolov overtook him a second time. The lad’s face expressed a strange
mixture of joy and fear.
“Here’s the Gliukhov house,”
he said to Saksaoolov, as he pointed to a huge, five-storeyed monstrosity.
At this moment there
appeared at the gates of the Gliukhov house a black-haired, black-eyed woman in
a black dress, a black kerchief with white dots on her head. The boy shrank
back in fear.
“Mamma,” he whispered.
His stepmother looked at him
with astonishment.
“How did you get here, you
young whelp!” she shrieked out. “I told you to sit on the bench, didn’t I?”
She seemed to be on the
point of whipping him when she noticed that some sort of gentleman, serious and
dignified in appearance, was watching them, and she spoke more softly.
“Can’t I leave you for a
half-hour anywhere without you taking to your heels? I’ve walked my feet off
looking for you, you young whelp!”
She caught the child’s very
small hand in her own huge one and dragged him within the gate. Saksaoolov made
a note of the house number and the name of the street, and went home.
IV
Saksaoolov liked to listen
to the opinions of Fedota. When he returned home he told him about the boy
Lesha.
“She did it on purpose,”
decided Fedota. “Just think what a witch she is to take the boy such a way from
home!”
“Why should she?” Saksaoolov
asked.
“It’s simple enough. What
can you expect of a stupid woman! She thought the boy would get lost somewhere,
and some one would pick him up. After all, she’s a stepmother. What’s a
homeless child to her?”
Saksaoolov was incredulous.
He observed: “But the police would have found her out.”
“Of course they would; but
you can’t tell, she may have meant to leave town; then find her if you can.”
Saksaoolov smiled.
“Really,” he thought, “my
Fedota should be a district attorney.”
He fell into a doze that
evening as he sat reading before a lamp. Tamar appeared to him—the gentle,
white Tamar—and sat down beside him. Her face was strangely like Lesha’s face.
She looked steadily and persistently, and awaited something. It tormented
Saksaoolov to see her bright, pleading eyes, and not to know what she wanted.
He rose quickly and went to the armchair where he thought he saw Tamar sitting.
He stopped before her and asked loudly and with emotion:
“What do you wish? Tell me.”
But she was no longer there.
“It was only a dream,”
thought Saksaoolov sadly.
V
The next day, as he was
leaving the academy exhibition, Saksaoolov met the Gorodischevs. He told the
girl about Lesha.
“Poor boy,” said Valeria
Mikhailovna quietly. “His stepmother is trying to get rid of him.”
“That’s yet to be proved,”
said Saksaoolov.
He felt annoyed that every
one, including Fedota and Valeria, should look so tragically upon a simple
incident.
“That’s quite evident,” said
Valeria Mikhailovna warmly. “There’s no father, and only a stepmother to whom
he is simply a burden. No good will come of it—the boy will have a sad end.”
“You take too gloomy a view
of the matter,” observed Saksaoolov, with a smile.
“You ought to take him to
yourself,” Valeria Mikhailovna advised him.
“I?” asked Saksaoolov with
astonishment.
“You are living alone,”
Valeria Mikhailovna persisted. “You have no one. Here’s a chance for you to do
a good deed at Eastertime! At least, you’ll have some one with whom to exchange
the kiss of Easter.”
“I beg you to tell me,
Valeria Mikhailovna, what am I to do with a child?”
“You might engage a
governess. Fate itself is sending the boy to you.”
Saksaoolov looked with
amazement and involuntary tenderness at the girl’s flushed, animated face.
When Tamar again appeared to
him that evening he seemed already to know her wish. It was as though, in the
silence of the room, he heard her tranquilly spoken words: “Do as she advised
you.”
Saksaoolov rose joyously and
rubbed his drowsy eyes with his hand. He saw a sprig of white lilac on the
table, and was astonished. How did it come there? Did Tamar leave it there as a
sign of her wish?
And he suddenly thought that
if he married the Gorodischeva girl and took Lesha into his house he would be
carrying out the will of Tamar. He breathed in the lilac’s aroma happily. He
suddenly remembered that he himself had bought the sprig of lilac that same
day.
Then he argued with himself:
“It really doesn’t matter that I had bought it myself; its real significance is
that I had an impulse to buy it; and that later I forgot that I had bought it.”
VI
Next morning he went to
fetch Lesha. The boy met him at the gate and showed him where he lived. Lesha’s
black mamma was drinking coffee, and was quarrelling with her red-nosed lodger.
Saksaoolov learnt something about Lesha from her.
The lad lost his mother when
he was three. His father married this black woman, and himself died within a
year. The black woman, Irina Ivanovna, had her own son, now a year old. She was
about to marry again. The wedding would take place in a few days and after the
ceremony she would go with her husband to the provinces. Lesha was a stranger
to her and she would rather do without him.
“Give him to me,” suggested
Saksaoolov.
“With great pleasure,” said
Irina Ivanovna with unconcealed and malignant joy.
She added after a short
silence: “Only you will pay for his clothes.”
And so Lesha was presently
installed at Saksaoolov’s. The Gorodischeva girl helped in the finding of a
governess and in other details of Lesha’s comfort. This required her to visit
Saksaoolov’s apartments. She assumed a different appearance in Saksaoolov’s
eyes as she busied herself in these various cares. It was as though the door to
her soul opened itself to him. Her eyes had become beaming and gentle, and she
was permeated with almost the same tranquillity that breathed from Tamar.
VII
Lesha’s stories about the
white mamma won over Fedota and his wife. As they put him to bed on Easter eve,
they hung a white candied egg above his head.
“It’s from the white mamma,”
said Christina, “only you darling mustn’t touch it; at least not until the
resurrection, when you’ll hear the bell ring.”
Lesha lay down obediently.
He looked long at the egg of joy and at last fell asleep.
Saksaoolov was sitting alone
in another room. Just before midnight an unconquerable drowsiness again closed
his eyes, and he was glad that he would soon see Tamar.
At last she came, all in
white, joyous, bringing with her glad tidings from afar. She smiled gently,
then bent over him, and—unspeakable happiness!—Saksaoolov’s lips felt a tender
contact.
A sweet voice said softly: “Christoss
Voskress!” (Christ has risen).
Saksaoolov, without opening
his eyes stretched out his arms and embraced a slender, gentle body. It was
Lesha who climbed on his knees and gave him the kiss of Easter.
The church bell had awakened
the boy. He seized the white egg and ran to Saksaoolov.
Saksaoolov opened his eyes.
Lesha laughed as he showed him the egg.
“White mamma has sent it,”
he lisped, “and I’ll give it to you, and you can give it to Aunt Valeria.”
“Very well, my dear boy,
I’ll do as you say,” said Saksaoolov.
He put Lesha to bed, then
went to Valeria Mikhailovna with Lesha’s white egg, a gift from the white
mamma, but which really seemed to him at that moment to be a gift from Tamar
herself.
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