COLLECTED SHORT STORIES
BY D H LAWRENCE
Project Gutenberg Australia
Contents
A Modern Lover 1933
Her Turn 1913
Love Among the Haystacks
1930
Mother and Daughter 1929
New Eve and Old Eve 1934
Rawdon’s Roof 1928
Strike-Pay 1913
The Blue Moccasins 1928
The Mortal Coil 1917
The Old Adam 1934
The Overtone 1933
The Princess 1925
The Witch A La Mode 1934
Things 1928
THE MODERN LOVER
I
The road was heavy with
mud. It was labour to move along it. The old, wide way, forsaken and grown over
with grass, used not to be so bad. The farm traffic from Coney Grey must have
cut it up. The young man crossed carefully again to the strip of grass on the
other side.
It was a dreary,
out-of-doors track, saved only by low fragments of fence and occasional bushes
from the desolation of the large spaces of arable and of grassland on either
side, where only the unopposed wind and the great clouds mattered, where even
the little grasses bent to one another indifferent of any traveller. The
abandoned road used to seem clean and firm. Cyril Mersham stopped to look round
and to bring back old winters to the scene, over the ribbed red land and the
purple wood. The surface of the field seemed suddenly to lift and break.
Something had startled the peewits, and the fallow flickered over with pink
gleams of birds white-breasting the sunset. Then the plovers turned, and were
gone in the dusk behind.
Darkness was issuing out
of the earth, and clinging to the trunks of the elms which rose like weird
statues, lessening down the wayside. Mersham laboured forwards, the earth
sucking and smacking at his feet. In front the Coney Grey farm was piled in
shadow on the road. He came near to it, and saw the turnips heaped in a
fabulous heap up the side of the barn, a buttress that rose almost to the eaves,
and stretched out towards the cart-ruts in the road. Also, the pale breasts of
the turnips got the sunset, and they were innumerable orange glimmers piled in
the dusk. The two labourers who were pulping at the foot of the mound stood
shadow-like to watch as he passed, breathing the sharp scent of turnips.
It was all very
wonderful and glamorous here, in the old places that had seemed so ordinary.
Three-quarters of the scarlet sun was settling among the branches of the elm in
front, right ahead where he would come soon. But when he arrived at the brow
where the hill swooped downwards, where the broad road ended suddenly, the sun
had vanished from the space before him, and the evening star was white where
the night urged up against the retreating, rose-coloured billow of day. Mersham
passed through the stile and sat upon the remnant of the thorn tree on the
brink of the valley. All the wide space before him was full of a mist of rose,
nearly to his feet. The large ponds were hidden, the farms, the fields, the
far-off coal-mine, under the rosy outpouring of twilight. Between him and the
spaces of Leicestershire and the hills of Derbyshire, between him and all the
South Country which he had fled, was the splendid rose-red strand of sunset,
and the white star keeping guard.
Here, on the lee-shore
of day, was the only purple showing of the woods and the great hedge below him;
and the roof of the farm below him, with a film of smoke rising up. Unreal,
like a dream which wastes a sleep with unrest, was the South and its hurrying
to and fro. Here, on the farther shore of the sunset, with the flushed tide at
his feet, and the large star flashing with strange laughter, did he himself
naked walk with lifted arms into the quiet flood of life.
What was it he wanted, sought
in the slowly-lapsing tide of days? Two years he had been in the large city in
the south. There always his soul had moved among the faces that swayed on the
thousand currents in that node of tides, hovering and wheeling and flying low
over the faces of the multitude like a sea-gull over the waters, stopping now
and again, and taking a fragment of life--a look, a contour, a movement--to
feed upon. Of many people, his friends, he had asked that they would kindle
again the smouldering embers of their experience; he had blown the low fires
gently with his breath, and had leaned his face towards their glow, and had
breathed in the words that rose like fumes from the revived embers, till he was
sick with the strong drug of sufferings and ecstasies and sensations, and the
dreams that ensued. But most folk had choked out the fires of their fiercer
experience with rubble of sentimentality and stupid fear, and rarely could he
feel the hot destruction of Life fighting out its way.
Surely, surely somebody
could give him enough of the philtre of life to stop the craving which tortured
him hither and thither, enough to satisfy for a while, to intoxicate him till
he could laugh the crystalline laughter of the star, and bathe in the
retreating flood of twilight like a naked boy in the surf, clasping the waves
and beating them and answering their wild clawings with laughter sometimes, and
sometimes gasps of pain.
He rose and stretched
himself. The mist was lying in the valley like a flock of folded sheep; Orion
had strode into the sky, and the Twins were playing towards the West. He
shivered, stumbled down the path, and crossed the orchard, passing among the
dark trees as if among people he knew.
II
He came into the yard. It was exceedingly,
painfully muddy. He felt a disgust of his own feet, which were cold, and
numbed, and heavy.
The window of the house was uncurtained, and
shone like a yellow moon, with only a large leaf or two of ivy, and a cord of
honeysuckle hanging across it. There seemed a throng of figures moving about
the fire. Another light gleamed mysteriously among the out-buildings. He heard
a voice in the cow-shed, and the impatient movement of a cow, and the rhythm of
milk in the bucket.
He hesitated in the darkness of the porch; then
he entered without knocking. A girl was opposite him, coming out of the dairy
doorway with a loaf of bread. She started, and they stood a moment looking at
each other across the room. They advanced to each other; he took her hand,
plunged overhead, as it were, for a moment in her great brown eyes. Then he let
her go, and looked aside, saying some words of greeting. He had not kissed her;
he realised that when he heard her voice:
"When did you come?"
She was bent over the table, cutting
bread-and-butter. What was it in her bowed, submissive pose, in the dark, small
head with its black hair twining and hiding her face, that made him wince and
shrink and close over his soul that had been open like a foolhardy flower to
the night? Perhaps it was her very submission, which trammelled him, throwing
the responsibility of her wholly on him, making him shrink from the burden of
her.
Her brothers were home from the pit. They were
two well-built lads of twenty and twenty-one. The coal-dust over their faces
was like a mask, making them inscrutable, hiding any glow of greeting, making
them strangers. He could only see their eyes wake with a sudden smile, which
sank almost immediately, and they turned aside. The mother was kneeling at a
big brown stew-jar in front of the open oven. She did not rise, but gave him
her hand, saying: "Cyril! How are you?" Her large dark eyes wavered
and left him. She continued with the spoon in the jar.
His disappointment rose as water suddenly heaves
up the side of a ship. A sense of dreariness revived, a feeling, too, of the
cold wet mud that he had struggled through.
These were the people who, a few months before,
would look up in one fine broad glow of welcome whenever he entered the door,
even if he came daily. Three years before, their lives would draw together into
one flame, and whole evenings long would flare with magnificent mirth, and with
play. They had known each other's lightest and deepest feelings. Now, when he
came back to them after a long absence, they withdrew, turned aside. He sat
down on the sofa under the window, deeply chagrined. His heart closed tight
like a fir-cone, which had been open and full of naked seeds when he came to
them.
They asked him questions of the South. They were
starved for news, they said, in that God-forsaken hole.
"It is such a treat to hear a bit of news
from outside," said the mother.
News! He smiled, and talked, plucking for them
the leaves from off his tree: leaves of easy speech. He smiled, rather
bitterly, as he slowly reeled off his news, almost mechanically. Yet he
knew--and that was the irony of it--that they did not want his
"records"; they wanted the timorous buds of his hopes, and the
unknown fruits of his experience, full of the taste of tears and what sunshine
of gladness had gone to their ripening. But they asked for his
"news", and, because of some subtle perversity, he gave them what
they begged, not what they wanted, not what he desired most sincerely to give
them.
Gradually he exhausted his store of talk, that
he had thought was limitless. Muriel moved about all the time, laying the table
and listening, only looking now and again across the barren garden of his talk
into his windows. But he hardened his heart and turned his head from her. The
boys had stripped to their waists, and had knelt on the hearth-rug and washed
themselves in a large tin bowl, the mother sponging and drying their backs. Now
they stood wiping themselves, the firelight bright and rosy on their fine
torsos, their heavy arms swelling and sinking with life. They seemed to cherish
the firelight on their bodies. Benjamin, the younger, leaned his breast to the
warmth, and threw back his head, showing his teeth in a voluptuous little
smile. Mersham watched them, as he had watched the peewits and the sunset.
Then they sat down to their dinners, and the
room was dim with the steam of food. Presently the father and the eldest
brother were in from the cow-sheds, and all assembled at table. The
conversation went haltingly; a little badinage on Mersham's part, a few
questions on politics from the father. Then there grew an acute, fine feeling
of discord. Mersham, particularly sensitive, reacted. He became extremely
attentive to the others at table, and to his own manner of eating. He used
English that was exquisitely accurate, pronounced with the Southern accent,
very different from the heavily-sounded speech of the home folk. His nicety
contrasted the more with their rough, country habit. They became shy and
awkward, fumbling for something to say. The boys ate their dinners hastily,
shovelling up the mass as a man shovels gravel. The eldest son clambered
roughly with a great hand at the plate of bread-and-butter. Mersham tried to
shut his eyes. He kept up all the time a brilliant tea-talk that they failed to
appreciate in that atmosphere. It was evident to him; without forming the idea,
he felt how irrevocably he was removing them from him, though he had loved
them. The irony of the situation appealed to him, and added brightness and
subtlety to his wit. Muriel, who had studied him so thoroughly, confusedly
understood. She hung her head over her plate, and ate little. Now and again she
would look up at him, toying all the time with her knife--though it was a
family for ugly hands--and would address him some barren question. He always
answered the question, but he invariably disregarded her look of earnestness,
lapped in his unbreakable armour of light irony. He acknowledged, however, her
power in the flicker of irritation that accompanied his reply. She quickly hid
her face again.
They did not linger at tea, as in the old days.
The men rose, with an "Ah well!" and went about their farm-work. One
of the lads lay sprawling for sleep on the sofa; the other lighted a cigarette
and sat with his arms on his knees, blinking into the fire. Neither of them
ever wore a coat in the house, and their shirt-sleeves and their thick bare
necks irritated the stranger still further by accentuating his strangeness. The
men came tramping in and out to the boiler. The kitchen was full of bustle, of
the carrying of steaming water, and of draughts. It seemed like a place out of
doors. Mersham shrank up in his corner, and pretended to read the Daily
News. He was ignored, like an owl sitting in the stalls of cattle.
"Go in the parlour, Cyril. Why don't you?
It's comfortable there."
Muriel turned to him with this reproach, this
remonstrance, almost chiding him. She was keenly aware of his discomfort, and
of his painful discord with his surroundings. He rose without a word and obeyed
her.
III
The parlour was a long, low room with red
colourings. A bunch of mistletoe hung from the beam, and thickly-berried holly
was over the pictures--over the little gilt-blazed water-colours that he hated
so much because he had done them in his 'teens, and nothing is so hateful as
the self one has left. He dropped in the tapestried chair called the Countess,
and thought of the changes which this room had seen in him. There, by that
hearth, they had threshed the harvest of their youth's experience, gradually
burning the chaff of sentimentality and false romance that covered the real
grain of life. How infinitely far away, now, seemed Jane Eyre and
George Eliot. These had marked the beginning. He smiled as he traced the graph
onwards, plotting the points with Carlyle and Ruskin, Schopenhauer and Darwin and
Huxley, Omar Khayyam, the Russians, Ibsen and Balzac; then Guy de Maupassant
and Madame Bovary. They had parted in the midst of Madame
Bovary. Since then had come only Nietzsche and William James. They had
not done so badly, he thought, during those years which now he was apt to
despise a little, because of their dreadful strenuousness, and because of their
later deadly, unrelieved seriousness. He wanted her to come in and talk about
the old times. He crossed to the other side of the fire and lay in the big
horse-hair chair, which pricked the back of his head. He looked about, and
stuffed behind him the limp green cushions that were always sweating down.
It was a week after Christmas. He guessed they
had kept up the holly and mistletoe for him. The two photographs of himself
still occupied the post of honour on the mantelpiece; but between them was a
stranger. He wondered who the fellow could be; good-looking he seemed to be;
but a bit of a clown beside the radiant, subtle photos of himself. He smiled broadly
at his own arrogance. Then he remembered that Muriel and her people were
leaving the farm come Lady-day. Immediately, in valediction, he began to call
up the old days, when they had romped and played so boisterously, dances, and
wild charades, and all mad games. He was just telling himself that those were
the days, the days of unconscious, ecstatic fun, and he was smiling at himself
over his information, when she entered.
She came in, hesitating. Seeing him sprawling in
his old abandonment, she closed the door softly. For a moment or two she sat,
her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands, sucking her little finger, and
withdrawing it from her lips with a little pop, looking all the while in the
fire. She was waiting for him, knowing all the time he would not begin. She was
trying to feel him, as it were. She wanted to assure herself of him after so
many months. She dared not look at him directly. Like all brooding,
constitutionally earnest souls, she gave herself away unwisely, and was
defenceless when she found herself pushed back, rejected so often with
contempt.
"Why didn't you tell me you were
coming?" she asked at last.
"I wanted to have exactly one of the old
tea-times, and evenings."
"Ay!" she answered with hopeless
bitterness. She was a dreadful pessimist. People had handled her so brutally,
and had cheaply thrown away her most sacred intimacies.
He laughed, and looked at her kindly.
"Ah, well, if I'd thought about it I should
have known this was what to expect. It's my own fault."
"Nay," she answered, still bitterly;
"it's not your fault. It's ours. You bring us to a certain point, and when
you go away, we lose it all again, and receive you like creatures who have
never known you."
"Never mind," he said easily. "If
it is so, it is! How are you?"
She turned and looked full at him. She was very
handsome; heavily moulded, coloured richly. He looked back smiling into her
big, brown, serious eyes.
"Oh, I'm very well," she answered,
with puzzled irony. "How are you?"
"Me? You tell me. What do you think of
me?"
"What do I think?" She laughed a
little nervous laugh and shook her head. "I don't know. Why--you look
well--and very much of a gentleman."
"Ah--and you are sorry?"
"No--No, I am not! No! Only you're
different, you see."
"Ah, the pity! I shall never be as nice as
I was at twenty-one, shall I?" He glanced at his photo on the mantelpiece,
and smiled, gently chaffing her.
"Well--you're different--it isn't that
you're not so nice, but different. I always think you're like that,
really."
She too glanced at the photo, which had been
called the portrait of an intellectual prig, but which was really that of a
sensitive, alert, exquisite boy. The subject of the portrait lay smiling at
her. Then it turned voluptuously, like a cat spread out in the chair.
"And this is the last of it all--!"
She looked up at him, startled and pitiful.
"Of this phase, I mean," he continued,
indicating with his eyes the room, the surroundings. "Of Crossleigh Bank,
I mean, and this part of our lives."
"Ay!" she said, bowing her head, and
putting into the exclamation all her depth of sadness and regret. He laughed.
"Aren't you glad?" he asked.
She looked up, startled, a little shocked.
"Good-bye's a fine word," he
explained. "It means you're going to have a change, and a change is what
you, of all people, want."
Her expression altered as she listened.
"It's true," she said. "I
do."
"So you ought to say to yourself, 'What a
treat! I'm going to say good-bye directly to the most painful phase of my
life.' You make up your mind it shall be the most painful, by refusing to be
hurt so much in the future. There you are! 'Men at most times are masters of
their fates,' etcetera."
She pondered his method of reasoning, and turned
to him with a little laughter that was full of pleading and yearning.
"Well," he said, lying, amiably
smiling, "isn't that so?--and aren't you glad?"
"Yes!" she nodded. "I am--very
glad."
He twinkled playfully at her, and asked, in a
soft voice:
"Then what do you want?"
"Yes," she replied, a little
breathlessly. "What do I?" She looked at him with a rash challenge
that pricked him.
"Nay," he said, evading her, "do
you even ask me that?"
She veiled her eyes, and said, meekly in excuse:
"It's a long time since I asked you
anything, isn't it?"
"Ay! I never thought of it. Whom have you
asked in the interim?"
"Whom have I asked?"--she arched her
brows and laughed a monosyllable of scorn.
"No one, of course!" he said, smiling.
"The world asks questions of you, you ask questions of me, and I go to
some oracle in the dark, don't I?"
She laughed with him.
"No!" he said, suddenly serious.
"Supposing you must answer me a big question--something I can never find
out by myself?"
He lay out indolently in the chair and began
smiling again. She turned to look with intensity at him, her hair's fine
foliage all loose round her face, her dark eyes haunted with doubt, her finger
at her lips. A slight perplexity flickered over his eyes.
"At any rate," he said, "you have
something to give me."
She continued to look at him with dark,
absorbing eyes. He probed her with his regard. Then he seemed to withdraw, and
his pupils dilated with thought.
"You see," he said, "life's no
good but to live--and you can't live your life by yourself. You must have a
flint and a steel, both, to make the spark fly. Supposing you be my flint, my
white flint, to spurt out red fire for me?"
"But how do you mean?" she asked
breathlessly.
"You see," he continued, thinking
aloud as usual: "thought--that's not life. It's like washing and combing
and carding and weaving the fleece that the year of life has produced. Now I
think--we've carded and woven to the end of our bundle--nearly. We've got to
begin again--you and me--living together, see? Not speculating and poetising
together--see?"
She did not cease to gaze absorbedly at him.
"Yes?" she whispered, urging him on.
"You see--I'll come back to you--to
you--" He waited for her.
"But," she said huskily, "I don't
understand."
He looked at her with aggressive frankness,
putting aside all her confusions.
"Fibber!" he said gently.
"But--" she turned in her chair from
him--"but not clearly."
He frowned slightly:
"Nay, you should be able by now to use the
algebra of speech. Must I count up on your fingers for you what I mean, unit by
unit, in bald arithmetic?"
"No--no!" she cried, justifying
herself; "but how can I understand--the change in you? You used to
say--you couldn't.--Quite opposite."
He lifted his head as if taking in her meaning.
"Ah, yes, I have changed. I forget. I
suppose I must have changed in myself. I'm older--I'm twenty-six. I used to
shrink from the thought of having to kiss you, didn't I?" He smiled very
brightly, and added, in a soft voice: "Well--I don't, now."
She flushed darkly and hid her face from him.
"Not," he continued, with slow, brutal
candour--"not that I know any more than I did then--what love is--as you
know it--but--I think you're beautiful--and we know each other so well--as we
know nobody else, don't we? And so we . . ."
His voice died away, and they sat in a tense
silence, listening to the noise outside, for the dog was barking loudly. They
heard a voice speaking and quieting him. Cyril Mersham listened. He heard the
clatter of the barn door latch, and a slurring ring of a bicycle-bell brushing
the wall.
"Who is it?" he asked, unsuspecting.
She looked at him, and confessed with her eyes,
guiltily, beseeching. He understood immediately.
"Good Lord!--Him?" He looked at the
photo on the mantelpiece. She nodded with her usual despair, her finger between
her lips again. Mersham took some moments to adjust himself to the new
situation.
"Well!--so he's in my
place! Why didn't you tell me?"
"How could I?--he's not. Besides--you never
would have a place." She hid her face.
"No," he drawled, thinking deeply.
"I wouldn't. It's my fault altogether." Then he smiled, and said
whimsically: "But I thought you kept an old pair of my gloves in the chair
beside you."
"So I did, so I did!" she justified
herself again with extreme bitterness, "till you asked me for them. You
told me to--to take another man--and I did as you told me--as usual."
"Did I tell you?--did I tell you? I suppose
I must. I suppose I am a fool. And do you like him?"
She laughed aloud, with scorn and bitterness.
"He's very good--and he's very fond of
me."
"Naturally!" said Mersham, smiling and
becoming ironical. "And how firmly is he fixed?"
IV
She was mortified, and would not answer him. The
question for him now was how much did this intruder count. He looked, and saw
she wore no ring--but perhaps she had taken it off for his coming. He began
diligently to calculate what attitude he might take. He had looked for many
women to wake his love, but he had been always disappointed. So he had kept
himself virtuous, and waited. Now he would wait no longer. No woman and he
could ever understand each other so well as he and Muriel whom he had fiercely
educated into womanhood along with his own struggling towards a manhood of
independent outlook. They had breathed the same air of thought, they had been
beaten with the same storms of doubt and disillusionment, they had expanded
together in days of pure poetry. They had grown so; spiritually, or rather
psychically, as he preferred to say, they were married; and now he found
himself thinking of the way she moved about the house.
The outer door had opened and a man had entered
the kitchen, greeting the family cordially, and without any formality. He had
the throaty, penetrating voice of a tenor singer, and it came distinctly over
the vibrating rumble of the men's talking. He spoke good, easy English. The
boys asked him about the "iron-men" and the electric haulage, and he
answered them with rough technicalities, so Mersham concluded he was a working
electrician in the mine. They continued to talk casually for some time, though
there was a false note of secondary interest in it all. Then Benjamin came
forward and broke the check, saying, with a dash of braggart taunting:
"Muriel's in th' parlour, Tom, if you want
her."
"Oh, is she? I saw a light in; I thought
she might be." He affected indifference, as if he were kept thus at every
visit. Then he added, with a touch of impatience, and of the proprietor's
interest: "What is she doing?"
"She's talking. Cyril Mersham's come from
London."
"What!--is he here?"
Mersham sat listening, smiling. Muriel saw his
eyelids lift. She had run up her flag of challenge taut, but continually she
slackened towards him with tenderness. Now her flag flew out bravely. She rose,
and went to the door.
"Hello!" she said, greeting the
stranger with a little song of welcome in one word, such as girls use when they
become aware of the presence of their sweetheart.
"You've got a visitor, I hear," he
answered.
"Yes. Come along, come in!"
She spoke softly, with much gentle caressing.
He was a handsome man, well set-up, rather
shorter than Mersham. The latter rose indolently, and held out his hand,
smiling curiously into the beautiful, generous blue eyes of the other.
"Cyril--Mr. Vickers."
Tom Vickers crushed Mersham's hand, and answered
his steady, smiling regard with a warm expansion of feeling, then bent his
head, slightly confused.
"Sit here, will you?" said Mersham,
languidly indicating the armchair.
"No, no, thanks, I won't. I shall do here,
thanks." Tom Vickers took a chair and placed it in front of the fire. He
was confusedly charmed with Mersham's natural frankness and courtesy.
"If I'm not intruding," he added, as
he sat down.
"No, of course not!" said Muriel, in
her wonderfully soft, fond tones--the indulgent tone of a woman who will
sacrifice anything to love.
"Couldn't!" added Mersham lazily.
"We're always a public meeting, Muriel and I. Aren't we, Miel? We're
discussing affinities, that ancient topic. You'll do for an audience. We agree
so beastly well, we two. We always did. It's her fault. Does she treat you so
badly?"
The other was rather bewildered. Out of it all
he dimly gathered that he was suggested as the present lover of Muriel, while
Mersham referred to himself as the one discarded. So he smiled, reassured.
"How--badly?" he asked.
"Agreeing with you on every point?"
"No, I can't say she does that," said
Vickers, smiling, and looking with little warm glances at her.
"Why, we never disagree, you know!"
she remonstrated, in the same deep indulgent tone.
"I see," Mersham said languidly, and
yet keeping his wits keenly to the point. "You agree with
everything she says. Lord, how interesting!"
Muriel arched her eyelids with a fine flare of
intelligence across at him, and laughed.
"Something like that," answered the
other man, also indulgently, as became a healthy male towards one who lay
limply in a chair and said clever nothings in a lazy drawl. Mersham noted the
fine limbs, the solid, large thighs, and the thick wrists. He was classifying
his rival among the men of handsome, healthy animalism, and good intelligence,
who are children in simplicity, who can add two and two, but never xy and yx.
His contours, his movements, his repose were, strictly, lovable.
"But," said Mersham to himself, "if I were blind, or sorrowful,
or very tired, I should not want him. He is one of the men, as George Moore says,
whom his wife would hate after a few years for the very way he walked across
the floor. I can imagine him with a family of children, a fine father. But
unless he had a domestic wife--"
Muriel had begun to make talk to him.
"Did you cycle?" she asked, in that
irritating private tone so common to lovers, a tone that makes a third person
an impertinence.
"Yes--I was rather late," he replied,
in the same caressing manner. The sense did not matter, the caress was
everything.
"Didn't you find it very muddy?"
"Well, I did--but not any worse than
yesterday."
Mersham sprawled his length in the chair, his
eyelids almost shut, his fine white hands hanging over the arms of the chair
like dead-white stoats from a bough. He was wondering how long Muriel would
endure to indulge her sweetheart thus. Soon she began to talk second-hand to
Mersham. They were speaking of Tom's landlady.
"You don't care for her, do you?" she
asked, laughing insinuatingly, since the shadow of his dislike for other women
heightened the radiance of his affection for her.
"Well, I can't say that I love her."
"How is it you always fall out with your
landladies after six months? You must be a wretch to live with."
"Nay, I don't know that I am. But they're
all alike; they're jam and cakes at first, but after a bit they're dry
bread."
He spoke with solemnity, as if he uttered a
universal truth. Mersham's eyelids flickered now and again. Muriel turned to
him:
"Mr. Vickers doesn't like lodgings,"
she said.
Mersham understood that Vickers therefore wanted
to marry her; he also understood that as the pretendant tired of his
landladies, so his wife and he would probably weary one another. He looked this
intelligence at Muriel, and drawled:
"Doesn't he? Lodgings are ideal. A good
lodger can always boss the show, and have his own way. It's the time of his
life."
"I don't think!" laughed Vickers.
"It's true," drawled Mersham torpidly,
giving his words the effect of droll irony. "You're evidently not a good
lodger. You only need to sympathise with a landlady--against her husband
generally--and she'll move heaven and earth for you."
"Ah!" laughed Muriel, glancing at
Mersham. "Tom doesn't believe in sympathising with women--especially
married women."
"I don't!" said Tom emphatically,
"--it's dangerous."
"You leave it to the husband," said
Mersham.
"I do that! I don't want 'em coming to me
with their troubles. I should never know the end."
"Wise of you. Poor woman! So you'll broach
your barrel of sympathy for your wife, eh, and for nobody else?"
"That's it. Isn't that right?"
"Oh, quite. Your wife will be a privileged
person. Sort of homebrewed beer to drink ad infinitum? Quite
all right, that!"
"There's nothing better," said Tom,
laughing.
"Except a change," said Mersham.
"Now, I'm like a cup of tea to a woman."
Muriel laughed aloud at this preposterous
cynicism, and knitted her brows to bid him cease playing ball with bombs.
"A fresh cup each time. Women never weary
of tea. Muriel, I can see you having a rich time. Sort of long after-supper
drowse with a good husband."
"Very delightful!" said Muriel
sarcastically.
"If she's got a good husband, what more can
she want?" asked Tom, keeping the tone of banter, but really serious and
somewhat resentful.
"A lodger--to make things
interesting."
"Why," said Muriel, intervening,
"do women like you so?"
Mersham looked up at her, quietly, smiling into
her eyes. She was really perplexed. She wanted to know what he put in the pan
to make the balance go down so heavily on his side. He had, as usual, to answer
her seriously and truthfully, so he said: "Because I can make them believe
that black is green or purple--which it is, in reality." Then, smiling
broadly as she wakened again with admiration for him, he added: "But
you're trying to make me conceited, Miel--to stain my virgin modesty."
Muriel glanced up at him with softness and
understanding, and laughed low. Tom gave a guffaw at the notion of Mersham's
virgin modesty. Muriel's brow wrinkled with irritation, and she turned from her
sweetheart to look in the fire.
V
Mersham, all unconsciously, had now developed
the situation to the climax he desired. He was sure that Vickers would not
count seriously in Muriel's movement towards himself. So he turned away,
uninterested.
The talk drifted for some time, after which he
suddenly bethought himself:
"I say, Mr. Vickers, will you sing for us?
You do sing, don't you?"
"Well--nothing to speak of," replied
the other modestly, wondering at Mersham's sudden change of interest. He looked
at Muriel.
"Very well," she answered him,
indulging him now like a child. "But--" she turned to
Mersham--"but do you, really?"
"Yes, of course. Play some of the old
songs. Do you play any better?"
She began "Honour and Arms".
"No, not that!" cried Mersham.
"Something quiet--'Sois triste et sois belle'." He smiled
gently at her, suggestively. "Try 'Du bist wie eine Blume'
or 'Pur dicesti'."
Vickers sang well, though without much
imagination. But the songs they sang were the old songs that Mersham had taught
Muriel years before, and she played with one of his memories in her heart. At
the end of the first song, she turned and found him looking at her, and they
met again in the poetry of the past.
"Daffodils," he said softly, his eyes
full of memories.
She dilated, quivered with emotion, in response.
They had sat on the rim of the hill, where the wild daffodils stood up to the
sky, and there he had taught her, singing line by line: "Du bist wie
eine Blume." He had no voice, but a very accurate ear.
The evening wore on to ten o'clock. The lads
came through the room on their way to bed. The house was asleep save the
father, who sat alone in the kitchen, reading The Octopus. They
went in to supper.
Mersham had roused himself and was talking well.
Muriel stimulated him, always, and turned him to talk of art and philosophy--abstract
things that she loved, of which only he had ever spoken to her, of which only
he could speak, she believed, with such beauty. He used quaint turns of speech,
contradicted himself waywardly, then said something sad and whimsical, all in a
wistful, irresponsible manner so that even the men leaned indulgent and
deferential to him.
"Life," he said, and he was always
urging this on Muriel in one form or another, "life is beautiful, so long
as it is consuming you. When it is rushing through you, destroying you, life is
glorious. It is best to roar away, like a fire with a great draught, white-hot
to the last bit. It's when you burn a slow fire and save fuel that life's not
worth having."
"You believe in a short life and a
merry," said the father.
"Needn't be either short or merry. Grief is
part of the fire of life--and suffering--they're the root of the flame of joy,
as they say. No! With life, we're like the man who was so anxious to provide
for his old age that he died at thirty from inanition."
"That's what we're not likely to do,"
laughed Tom.
"Oh, I don't know. You live most intensely
in human contact--and that's what we shrink from, poor timid creatures, from
giving our souls to somebody to touch; for they, bungling fools, will generally
paw it with dirty hands."
Muriel looked at him with dark eyes of grateful
understanding. She herself had been much pawed, brutally, by her brothers. But,
then, she had been foolish in offering herself.
"And," concluded Mersham, "you
are washed with the whitest fire of life--when you take a woman you love--and
understand."
Perhaps Mersham did not know what he was doing.
Yet his whole talk lifted Muriel as in a net, like a sea-maiden out of the
waters, and placed her in his arms, to breathe his thin, rare atmosphere. She
looked at him, and was certain of his pure earnestness, and believed implicitly
he could not do wrong.
Vickers believed otherwise. He would have
expressed his opinion, whatever it might be, in an: "Oh, ay, he's got
plenty to say, and he'll keep on saying it--but, hang it all . . .!"
For Vickers was an old-fashioned, inarticulate
lover; such as has been found the brief joy and the unending disappointment of
a woman's life. At last he found he must go, as Mersham would not precede him.
Muriel did not kiss him good-bye, nor did she offer to go out with him to his
bicycle. He was angry at this, but more angry with the girl than with the man.
He felt that she was fooling about, "showing off" before the
stranger. Mersham was a stranger to him, and so, in his idea, to Muriel. Both
young men went out of the house together, and down the rough brick track to the
barn. Mersham made whimsical little jokes: "I wish my feet weren't so
fastidious. They dither when they go in a soft spot like a girl who's touched a
toad. Hark at that poor old wretch--she sounds as if she'd got
whooping-cough."
"A cow is not coughing when she makes that
row," said Vickers.
"Pretending, is she?--to get some
Owbridge's? Don't blame her. I guess she's got chilblains, at any rate. Do cows
have chilblains, poor devils?"
Vickers laughed and felt he must take this man
into his protection. "Mind," he said, as they entered the barn, which
was very dark. "Mind your forehead against this beam." He put one
hand on the beam, and stretched out the other to feel for Mersham.
"Thanks," said the latter gratefully. He knew the position of the
beam to an inch, however dark the barn, but he allowed Vickers to guide him
past it. He rather enjoyed being taken into Tom's protection.
Vickers carefully struck a match, bowing over
the ruddy core of light and illuminating himself like some beautiful lantern in
the midst of the high darkness of the barn. For some moments he bent over his
bicycle-lamp, trimming and adjusting the wick, and his face, gathering all the light
on its ruddy beauty, seemed luminous and wonderful. Mersham could see the down
on his cheeks above the razor-line, and the full lips in shadow beneath the
moustache, and the brush of the eyebrows between the light.
"After all," said Mersham, "he's
very beautiful; she's a fool to give him up."
Tom shut the lamp with a snap, and carefully
crushed the match under his foot. Then he took the pump from the bicycle, and
crouched on his heels in the dimness, inflating the tyre. The swift, unerring,
untiring stroke of the pump, the light balance and the fine elastic adjustment
of the man's body to his movements pleased Mersham.
"She could have," he was saying to
himself, "some glorious hours with this man--yet she'd rather have me,
because I can make her sad and set her wondering."
But to the man he was saying:
"You know, love isn't the twin-soul
business. With you, for instance, women are like apples on a tree. You can have
one that you can reach. Those that look best are overhead, but it's no good
bothering with them. So you stretch up, perhaps you pull down a bough and just
get your fingers round a good one. Then it swings back and you feel wild and
you say your heart's broken. But there are plenty of apples as good for you no
higher than your chest."
Vickers smiled, and thought there was something
in it--generally; but for himself, it was nothing.
They went out of the barn to the yard gate. He
watched the young man swing over his saddle and vanish, calling
"Good-night."
"Sic transit," he
murmured--meaning Tom Vickers, and beautiful lustihood that is unconscious like
a blossom.
Mersham went slowly in the house. Muriel was
clearing away the supper things, and laying the table again for the men's
breakfasts. But she was waiting for him as clearly as if she had stood watching
in the doorway. She looked up at him, and instinctively he lifted his face
towards her as if to kiss her. They smiled, and she went on with her work.
The father rose, stretching his burly form, and
yawning. Mersham put on his overcoat.
"You will come a little way with me?"
he said. She answered him with her eyes. The father stood, large and silent, on
the hearth-rug. His sleepy, mazed disapproval had no more effect than a little
breeze which might blow against them. She smiled brightly at her lover, like a
child, as she pinned on her hat.
It was very dark outside in the starlight. He
groaned heavily, and swore with extravagance as he went ankle-deep in mud.
"See, you should follow me. Come
here," she commanded, delighted to have him in charge.
"Give me your hand," he said, and they
went hand-in-hand over the rough places. The fields were open, and the night
went up to the magnificent stars. The wood was very dark, and wet; they leaned
forward and stepped stealthily, and gripped each other's hands fast with a
delightful sense of adventure. When they stood and looked up a moment, they did
not know how the stars were scattered among the tree-tops till he found the
three jewels of Orion right in front.
There was a strangeness everywhere, as if all things
had ventured out alive to play in the night, as they do in fairy-tales; the
trees, the many stars, the dark spaces, and the mysterious waters below uniting
in some magnificent game.
They emerged from the wood on to the bare
hillside. She came down from the wood-fence into his arms, and he kissed her,
and they laughed low together. Then they went on across the wild meadows where
there was no path.
"Why don't you like him?" he asked
playfully.
"Need you ask?" she said simply.
"Yes. Because he's heaps nicer than I
am."
She laughed a full laugh of amusement.
"He is! Look! He's like summer, brown and
full of warmth. Think how splendid and fierce he'd be--"
"Why do you talk about him?" she said.
"Because I want you to know what you're
losing--and you won't till you see him in my terms. He is very desirable--I
should choose him in preference to me--for myself."
"Should you?" she laughed.
"But," she added with soft certainty, "you don't
understand."
"No--I don't. I suppose it's love; your
sort, which is beyond me. I shall never be blindly in love, shall I?"
"I begin to think you never will," she
answered, not very sadly. "You won't be blindly anything."
"The voice of love!" he laughed; and
then: "No, if you pull your flowers to pieces, and find how they pollinate,
and where are the ovaries, you don't go in blind ecstasies over to them. But
they mean more to you; they are intimate, like friends of your heart, not like
wonderful, dazing fairies."
"Ay!" she assented, musing over it
with the gladness of understanding him. "And then?"
Softly, almost without words, she urged him to
the point.
"Well," he said, "you think I'm a
wonderful, magical person, don't you?--and I'm not--I'm not as good, in the
long run, as your Tom, who thinks you are a wonderful, magical person."
She laughed and clung to him as they walked. He
continued, very carefully and gently: "Now, I don't imagine for a moment
that you are princessy or angelic or wonderful. You often make me thundering
mad because you're an ass . . ."
She laughed low with shame and humiliation.
"Nevertheless--I come from the south to
you--because--well, with you I can be just as I feel, conceited or idiotic,
without being afraid to be myself . . ." He broke off suddenly. "I
don't think I've tried to make myself out to you--any bigger or better than I
am?" he asked her wistfully.
"No," she answered, in beautiful, deep
assurance. "No! That's where it is. You have always been so honest. You
are more honest than anybody ever--" She did not finish, being deeply
moved. He was silent for some time, then he continued, as if he must see the
question to the end with her:
"But, you know--I do like you not to wear
corsets. I like to see you move inside your dress."
She laughed, half shame, half pleasure.
"I wondered if you'd notice," she said.
"I did--directly." There was a space
of silence, after which he resumed: "You see--we would marry tomorrow--but
I can't keep myself. I am in debt--"
She came close to him, and took his arm.
"--And what's the good of letting the years
go, and the beauty of one's youth--?"
"No," she admitted, very slowly and
softly, shaking her head.
"So--well!--you understand, don't you? And
if you're willing--you'll come to me, won't you?--just naturally, as you used
to come and go to church with me?--and it won't be--it won't be me coaxing
you--reluctant? Will it?"
They had halted in front of a stile which they
would have to climb. She turned to him in silence, and put up her face to him.
He took her in his arms, and kissed her, and felt the night mist with which his
moustache was drenched, and he bent his head and rubbed his face on her
shoulder, and then pressed his lips on her neck. For a while they stood in
silence, clasped together. Then he heard her voice, muffled in his shoulder,
saying:
"But--but, you know--it's much harder for
the woman--it means something so different for a woman."
"One can be wise," he answered, slowly
and gently. "One need not blunder into calamities."
She was silent for a time. Then she spoke again.
"Yes, but--if it should be--you see--I couldn't
bear it."
He let her go, and they drew apart, and the
embrace no longer choked them from speaking. He recognised the woman defensive,
playing the coward against her own inclinations, and even against her
knowledge.
"If--if!" he exclaimed sharply, so
that she shrank with a little fear. "There need be no ifs--need
there?"
"I don't know," she replied,
reproachfully, very quietly.
"If I say so--" he said, angry with
her mistrust. Then he climbed the stile, and she followed.
"But you do know," he
exclaimed. "I have given you books--"
"Yes, but--"
"But what?" He was getting really
angry.
"It's so different for a woman--you don't
know."
He did not answer this. They stumbled together
over the mole-hills, under the oak trees.
"And look--how we should have to be--creeping
together in the dark--"
This stung him; at once, it was as if the
glamour went out of life. It was as if she had tipped over the fine vessel that
held the wine of his desire, and had emptied him of all his vitality. He had
played a difficult, deeply-moving part all night, and now the lights suddenly
switched out, and there was left only weariness. He was silent, tired, very
tired, bodily and spiritually. They walked across the wide, dark meadow with
sunken heads. Suddenly she caught his arm.
"Don't be cold with me!" she cried.
He bent and kissed in acknowledgment the lips
she offered him for love.
"No," he said drearily; "no, it
is not coldness--only--I have lost hold--for to-night." He spoke with
difficulty. It was hard to find a word to say. They stood together, apart,
under the old thorn tree for some minutes, neither speaking. Then he climbed
the fence, and stood on the highway above the meadow.
At parting also he had not kissed her. He stood
a moment and looked at her. The water in a little brook under the hedge was
running, chuckling with extraordinary loudness: away on Nethermere they heard
the sad, haunting cry of the wild-fowl from the North. The stars still twinkled
intensely. He was too spent to think of anything to say; she was too overcome
with grief and fear and a little resentment. He looked down at the pale blotch
of her face upturned from the low meadow beyond the fence. The thorn boughs
tangled above her, drooping behind her like the roof of a hut. Beyond was the
great width of the darkness. He felt unable to gather his energy to say
anything vital.
"Good-bye," he said. "I'm going
back--on Saturday. But--you'll write to me. Good-bye."
He turned to go. He saw her white uplifted face
vanish, and her dark form bend under the boughs of the tree, and go out into
the great darkness. She did not say good-bye.
HER TURN
She was his second wife, and so there was
between them that truce which is never held between a man and his first woman.
He was one for the women, and as such, an
exception among the colliers. In spite of their prudery, the neighbour women
liked him; he was big, naïve, and very courteous with them; he was so, even to
his second wife.
Being a large man of considerable strength and
perfect health, he earned good money in the pit. His natural courtesy saved him
from enemies, while his fresh interest in life made his presence always
agreeable. So he went his own way, had always plenty of friends, always a good
job down pit.
He gave his wife thirty-five shillings a week.
He had two grown-up sons at home, and they paid twelve shillings each. There
was only one child by the second marriage, so Radford considered his wife did
well.
Eighteen months ago, Bryan and Wentworth's men
were out on strike for eleven weeks. During that time, Mrs. Radford could
neither cajole nor entreat nor nag the ten shillings strike-pay from her
husband. So that when the second strike came on, she was prepared for action.
Radford was going, quite inconspicuously, to the
publican's wife at the "Golden Horn". She is a large, easy-going lady
of forty, and her husband is sixty-three, moreover crippled with rheumatism.
She sits in the little bar-parlour of the wayside public-house, knitting for
dear life, and sipping a very moderate glass of Scotch. When a decent man
arrives at the three-foot width of bar, she rises, serves him, surveys him
over, and, if she likes his looks, says:
"Won't you step inside, sir?"
If he steps inside, he will find not more than
one or two men present. The room is warm, quite small. The landlady knits. She
gives a few polite words to the stranger, then resumes her conversation with
the man who interests her most. She is straight, highly-coloured, with
indifferent brown eyes.
"What was that you asked me, Mr.
Radford?"
"What is the difference between a donkey's
tail and a rainbow?" asked Radford, who had a consuming passion for
conundrums.
"All the difference in the world,"
replied the landlady.
"Yes, but what special difference?"
"I s'll have to give it up again. You'll
think me a donkey's head, I'm afraid."
"Not likely. But just you consider now,
wheer . . ."
The conundrum was still under weigh, when a girl
entered. She was swarthy, a fine animal. After she had gone out:
"Do you know who that is?" asked the
landlady.
"I can't say as I do," replied
Radford.
"She's Frederick Pinnock's daughter, from
Stony Ford. She's courting our Willy."
"And a fine lass, too."
"Yes, fine enough, as far as that goes.
What sort of a wife'll she make him, think you?"
"You just let me consider a bit," said
the man. He took out a pocket-book and a pencil. The landlady continued to talk
to the other guests.
Radford was a big fellow, black-haired, with a
brown moustache, and darkish blue eyes. His voice, naturally deep, was pitched
in his throat, and had a peculiar, tenor quality, rather husky, and disturbing.
He modulated it a good deal as he spoke, as men do who talk much with women.
Always, there was a certain indolence in his carriage.
"Our mester's lazy," his wife said.
"There's many a bit of a jab wants doin', but get him to do it if you
can."
But she knew he was merely indifferent to the
little jobs, and not lazy.
He sat writing for about ten minutes, at the end
of which time, he read:
"I see a fine girl full of life.
I see her just ready for wedlock,
But there's jealousy between her eyebrows
And jealousy on her mouth.
I see trouble ahead.
Willy is delicate.
She would do him no good.
She would never see when he wasn't well,
She would only see what she wanted--"
So, in phrases, he got down his thoughts. He had
to fumble for expression, and therefore anything serious he wanted to say he
wrote in "poetry", as he called it.
Presently, the landlady rose, saying:
"Well, I s'll have to be looking after our
mester. I s'll be in again before we close."
Radford sat quite comfortably on. In a while, he
too bade the company good-night.
When he got home, at a quarter-past eleven, his
sons were in bed, and his wife sat awaiting him. She was a woman of medium
height, fat and sleek, a dumpling. Her black hair was parted smooth, her
narrow-opened eyes were sly and satirical, she had a peculiar twang in her
rather sleering voice.
"Our missis is a puss-puss," he said
easily, of her. Her extraordinarily smooth, sleek face was remarkable. She was
very healthy.
He never came in drunk. Having taken off his
coat and his cap, he sat down to supper in his shirt-sleeves. Do as he might,
she was fascinated by him. He had a strong neck, with the crisp hair growing
low. Let her be angry as she would yet she had a passion for that neck of his, particularly
when she saw the great vein rib under the skin.
"I think, missis," he said, "I'd
rather ha'e a smite o' cheese than this meat."
"Well, can't you get it yourself?"
"Yi, surely I can," he said, and went
out to the pantry.
"I think, if yer comin' in at this time of
night, you can wait on yourself," she justified herself.
She moved uneasily in her chair. There were
several jam-tarts alongside the cheese on the dish he brought.
"Yi, Missis, them tan-tafflins'll go down
very nicely," he said.
"Oh, will they! Then you'd better help to
pay for them," she said, amiably, but determined.
"Now what art after?"
"What am I after? Why, can't you
think?" she said sarcastically.
"I'm not for thinkin', missis."
"No, I know you're not. But wheer's my
money? You've been paid the Union to-day. Wheer do I come in?"
"Tha's got money, an' tha mun use it."
"Thank yer. An' 'aven't you none, as
well?"
"I hadna, not till we was paid, not a
ha'p'ny."
"Then you ought to be ashamed of yourself
to say so."
"'Appen so."
"We'll go shares wi' th' Union money,"
she said. "That's nothing but what's right."
"We shonna. Tha's got plenty o' money as
tha can use."
"Oh, all right," she said. "I
will do."
She went to bed. It made her feel sharp that she
could not get at him.
The next day, she was just as usual. But at
eleven o'clock she took her purse and went up town. Trade was very slack. Men
stood about in gangs, men were playing marbles everywhere in the streets. It
was a sunny morning. Mrs. Radford went into the furnisher-and-upholsterer's
shop.
"There's a few things," she said to
Mr. Allcock, "as I'm wantin' for the house, and I might as well get them
now, while the men's at home, and can shift me the furniture."
She put her fat purse on to the counter with a
click. The man should know she was not wanting "strap". She bought
linoleum for the kitchen, a new wringer, a breakfast-service, a spring
mattress, and various other things, keeping a mere thirty shillings, which she
tied in a corner of her handkerchief. In her purse was some loose silver.
Her husband was gardening in a desultory fashion
when she got back home. The daffodils were out. The colts in the field at the
end of the garden were tossing their velvety brown necks.
"Sithee here, missis," called Radford,
from the shed which stood halfway down the path. Two doves in a cage were
cooing.
"What have you got?" asked the woman,
as she approached. He held out to her in his big, earthy hand a tortoise. The
reptile was very, very slowly issuing its head again to the warmth.
"He's wakkened up betimes," said
Radford.
"He's like th' men, wakened up for a
holiday," said the wife. Radford scratched the little beast's scaly head.
"We pleased to see him out," he said.
They had just finished dinner, when a man
knocked at the door.
"From Allcock's!" he said.
The plump woman took up the clothes-basket
containing the crockery she had bought.
"Whativer hast got theer?" asked her
husband.
"We've been wantin' some breakfast-cups for
ages, so I went up town an' got 'em this mornin'," she replied.
He watched her taking out the crockery.
"Hm!" he said. "Tha's been on th'
spend, seemly."
Again there was a thud at the door. The man had
put down a roll of linoleum. Mr. Radford went to look at it.
"They come rolling in!" he exclaimed.
"Who's grumbled more than you about the
raggy oilcloth of this kitchen?" said the insidious, cat-like voice of the
wife.
"It's all right, it's all right," said
Radford.
The carter came up the entry with another roll,
which he deposited with a grunt at the door.
"An' how much do you reckon this lot
is?" he asked.
"Oh, they're all paid for, don't
worry," replied the wife.
"Shall yer gi'e me a hand, mester?"
asked the carter.
Radford followed him down the entry, in his
easy, slouching way. His wife went after. His waistcoat was hanging loose over
his shirt. She watched his easy movement of well-being as she followed him, and
she laughed to herself.
The carter took hold of one end of the wire
mattress, dragged it forth.
"Well, this is a corker!" said
Radford, as he received the burden.
"Now the mangle!" said the carter.
"What dost reckon tha's been up to,
missis?" asked the husband.
"I said to myself last wash-day, if I had
to turn that mangle again, tha'd ha'e ter wash the clothes thyself."
Radford followed the carter down the entry again.
In the street, women were standing watching, and dozens of men were lounging
round the cart. One officiously helped with the wringer.
"Gi'e him thrippence," said Mrs.
Radford.
"Gi'e him thysen," replied her
husband.
"I've no change under half a crown."
Radford tipped the carter, and returned indoors.
He surveyed the array of crockery, linoleum, mattress, mangle, and other goods
crowding the house and the yard.
"Well, this is a winder!" he repeated.
"We stood in need of 'em enough," she
replied.
"I hope tha's got plenty more from wheer
they came from," he replied dangerously.
"That's just what I haven't." She
opened her purse. "Two half-crowns, that's every copper I've got i' th'
world."
He stood very still as he looked.
"It's right," she said.
There was a certain smug sense of satisfaction
about her. A wave of anger came over him, blinding him. But he waited and
waited. Suddenly his arm leapt up, the fist clenched, and his eyes blazed at
her. She shrank away, pale and frightened. But he dropped his fist to his side,
turned, and went out, muttering. He went down to the shed that stood in the
middle of the garden. There he picked up the tortoise, and stood with bent
head, rubbing its horny head.
She stood hesitating, watching him. Her heart
was heavy, and yet there was a curious, cat-like look of satisfaction round her
eyes. Then she went indoors and gazed at her new cups, admiringly.
The next week he handed her his half-sovereign
without a word.
"You'll want some for yourself," she
said, and she gave him a shilling. He accepted it.
LOVE AMONG THE HAYSTACKS
I
The two large fields lay on a hillside facing
south. Being newly cleared of hay, they were golden green, and they shone
almost blindingly in the sunlight. Across the hill, half-way up, ran a high
hedge, that flung its black shadow finely across the molten glow of the sward.
The stack was being built just above the hedge. It was of great size, massive,
but so silvery and delicately bright in tone that it seemed not to have weight.
It rose dishevelled and radiant among the steady, golden-green glare of the
field. A little farther back was another, finished stack.
The empty wagon was just passing through the gap
in the hedge. From the far-off corner of the bottom field, where the sward was
still striped grey with winrows, the loaded wagon launched forward, to climb
the hill to the stack. The white dots of the hay-makers showed distinctly among
the hay.
The two brothers were having a moment's rest,
waiting for the load to come up. They stood wiping their brows with their arms,
sighing from the heat and the labour of placing the last load. The stack they
rode was high, lifting them up above the hedge-tops, and very broad, a great
slightly-hollowed vessel into which the sunlight poured, in which the hot,
sweet scent of hay was suffocating. Small and inefficacious the brothers
looked, half-submerged in the loose, great trough, lifted high up as if on an
altar reared to the sun.
Maurice, the younger brother, was a handsome
young fellow of twenty-one, careless and debonair, and full of vigour. His grey
eyes, as he taunted his brother, were bright and baffled with a strong emotion.
His swarthy face had the same peculiar smile, expectant and glad and nervous,
of a young man roused for the first time in passion.
"Tha sees," he said, as he leaned on
the pommel of his fork, "tha thowt as tha'd done me one, didna ter?"
He smiled as he spoke, then fell again into his pleasant torment of musing.
"I thought nowt--tha knows so much,"
retorted Geoffrey, with the touch of a sneer. His brother had the better of
him. Geoffrey was a very heavy, hulking fellow, a year older than Maurice. His
blue eyes were unsteady, they glanced away quickly; his mouth was morbidly
sensitive. One felt him wince away, through the whole of his great body. His
inflamed self-consciousness was a disease in him.
"Ah but though, I know tha did,"
mocked Maurice. "Tha went slinkin' off"--Geoffrey winced
convulsively--"thinking as that wor the last night as any of us'ud ha'e
ter stop here, an' so tha'd leave me to sleep out, though it wor thy
turn--"
He smiled to himself, thinking of the result of
Geoffrey's ruse.
"I didna go slinkin' off neither,"
retorted Geoffrey, in his heavy, clumsy manner, wincing at the phrase.
"Didna my feyther send me to fetch some coal--"
"Oh yes, oh yes--we know all about it. But
tha sees what tha missed, my lad."
Maurice, chuckling, threw himself on his back in
the bed of hay. There was absolutely nothing in his world, then, except the
shallow ramparts of the stack, and the blazing sky. He clenched his fists
tight, threw his arms across his face, and braced his muscles again. He was
evidently very much moved, so acutely that it was hardly pleasant, though he
still smiled. Geoffrey, standing behind him, could just see his red mouth, with
the young moustache like black fur, curling back and showing the teeth in a
smile. The elder brother leaned his chin on the pommel of his fork, looking out
across the country.
Far away was the faint blue heap of Nottingham.
Between, the country lay under a haze of heat, with here and there a flag of
colliery smoke waving. But near at hand, at the foot of the hill, across the
deep-hedged high road, was only the silence of the old church and the castle
farm, among their trees. The large view only made Geoffrey more sick. He looked
away, to the wagons crossing the field below him, the empty cart like a big
insect moving down hill, the load coming up, rocking like a ship, the brown
head of the horse ducking, the brown knees lifted and planted strenuously.
Geoffrey wished it would be quick.
"Tha didna think--"
Geoffrey started, coiled within himself, and
looked down at the handsome lips moving in speech below the brown arms of his
brother.
"Tha didna think 'er'd be thur wi' me--or
tha wouldna ha' left me to it," Maurice said, ending with a little laugh
of excited memory. Geoffrey flushed with hate, and had an impulse to set his
foot on that moving, taunting mouth, which was there below him. There was
silence for a time, then, in a peculiar tone of delight, Maurice's voice came
again, spelling out the words, as it were:
"Ich bin klein, mein Herz ist rein,
Ist niemand d'rin als Christ allein."
Maurice chuckled, then, convulsed at a twinge of
recollection, keen as pain, he twisted over, pressed himself into the hay.
"Can thee say thy prayers in German?"
came his muffled voice.
"I non want," growled Geoffrey.
Maurice chuckled. His face was quite hidden, and
in the dark he was going over again his last night's experiences.
"What about kissing 'er under th' ear,
Sonny," he said, in a curious, uneasy tone. He writhed, still startled and
inflamed by his first contact with love.
Geoffrey's heart swelled within him, and things
went dark. He could not see the landscape.
"An' there's just a nice two-handful of her
bosom," came the low, provocative tones of Maurice, who seemed to be
talking to himself.
The two brothers were both fiercely shy of
women, and until this hay harvest, the whole feminine sex had been represented
by their mother and in presence of any other women they were dumb louts.
Moreover, brought up by a proud mother, a stranger in the country, they held
the common girls as beneath them, because beneath their mother, who spoke pure
English, and was very quiet. Loud-mouthed and broad-tongued the common girls
were. So these two young men had grown up virgin but tormented.
Now again Maurice had the start of Geoffrey, and
the elder brother was deeply mortified. There was a danger of his sinking into
a morbid state, from sheer lack of living, lack of interest. The foreign governess
at the Vicarage, whose garden lay beside the top field, had talked to the lads
through the hedge, and had fascinated them. There was a great elder bush, with
its broad creamy flowers crumbling on to the garden path, and into the field.
Geoffrey never smelled elder-flower without starting and wincing, thinking of
the strange foreign voice that had so startled him as he mowed out with the
scythe in the hedge bottom. A baby had run through the gap, and the Fräulein,
calling in German, had come brushing down the flowers in pursuit. She had
started so on seeing a man standing there in the shade, that for a moment she
could not move: and then she had blundered into the rake which was lying by his
side. Geoffrey, forgetting she was a woman when he saw her pitch forward, had
picked her up carefully, asking: "Have you hurt you?"
Then she had broken into a laugh, and answered
in German, showing him her arms, and knitting her brows. She was nettled rather
badly.
"You want a dock leaf," he said. She
frowned in a puzzled fashion.
"A dock leaf?" she repeated. He had
rubbed her arms with the green leaf.
And now, she had taken to Maurice. She had
seemed to prefer himself at first. Now she had sat with Maurice in the
moonlight, and had let him kiss her. Geoffrey sullenly suffered, making no
fight.
Unconsciously, he was looking at the Vicarage
garden. There she was, in a golden-brown dress. He took off his hat, and held
up his right hand in greeting to her. She, a small, golden figure, waved her
hand negligently from among the potato rows. He remained, arrested, in the same
posture, his hat in his left hand, his right arm upraised, thinking. He could
tell by the negligence of her greeting that she was waiting for Maurice. What
did she think of himself? Why wouldn't she have him?
Hearing the voice of the wagoner leading the
load, Maurice rose. Geoffrey still stood in the same way, but his face was
sullen, and his upraised hand was slack with brooding. Maurice faced up-hill.
His eyes lit up and he laughed. Geoffrey dropped his own arm, watching.
"Lad!" chuckled Maurice. "I non
knowed 'er wor there." He waved his hand clumsily. In these matters
Geoffrey did better. The elder brother watched the girl. She ran to the end of
the path, behind the bushes, so that she was screened from the house. Then she
waved her handkerchief wildly. Maurice did not notice the manoeuvre. There was
the cry of a child. The girl's figure vanished, reappeared holding up a white
childish bundle, and came down the path. There she put down her charge, sped
up-hill to a great ash-tree, climbed quickly to a large horizontal bar that
formed the fence there, and, standing poised, blew kisses with both her hands,
in a foreign fashion that excited the brothers. Maurice laughed aloud, as he
waved his red handkerchief.
"Well, what's the danger?" shouted a
mocking voice from below. Maurice collapsed, blushing furiously.
"Nowt!" he called.
There was a hearty laugh from below.
The load rode up, sheered with a hiss against
the stack, then sank back again upon the scotches. The brothers ploughed across
the mass of hay, taking the forks. Presently a big, burly man, red and
glistening, climbed to the top of the load. Then he turned round, scrutinized
the hillside from under his shaggy brows. He caught sight of the girl under the
ash-tree.
"Oh, that's who it is," he laughed.
"I thought it was some such bird, but I couldn't see her."
The father laughed in a hearty, chaffing way,
then began to teem the load. Geoffrey, on the stack above, received his great
forkfuls, and swung them over to Maurice, who took them, placed them, building
the stack. In the intense sunlight, the three worked in silence, knit together
in a brief passion of work. The father stirred slowly for a moment, getting the
hay from under his feet. Geoffrey waited, the blue tines of his fork glittering
in expectation: the mass rose, his fork swung beneath it, there was a light
clash of blades, then the hay was swept on to the stack, caught by Maurice, who
placed it judiciously. One after another, the shoulders of the three men bowed
and braced themselves. All wore light blue, bleached shirts, that stuck close
to their backs. The father moved mechanically, his thick, rounded shoulders
bending and lifting dully: he worked monotonously. Geoffrey flung away his strength.
His massive shoulders swept and flung the hay extravagantly.
"Dost want to knock me ower?" asked
Maurice angrily. He had to brace himself against the impact. The three men
worked intensely, as if some will urged them. Maurice was light and swift at
the work, but he had to use his judgement. Also, when he had to place the hay
along the far ends, he had some distance to carry it. So he was too slow for
Geoffrey. Ordinarily, the elder would have placed the hay as far as possible
where his brother wanted it. Now, however, he pitched his forkfuls into the
middle of the stack. Maurice strode swiftly and handsomely across the bed, but
the work was too much for him. The other two men, clenched in their receive and
deliver, kept up a high pitch of labour. Geoffrey still flung the hay at
random. Maurice was perspiring heavily with heat and exertion, and was getting
worried. Now and again, Geoffrey wiped his arm across his brow, mechanically,
like an animal. Then he glanced with satisfaction at Maurice's moiled
condition, and caught the next forkful.
"Wheer dost think thou'rt hollin' it,
fool!" panted Maurice, as his brother flung a forkful out of reach.
"Wheer I've a mind," answered
Geoffrey.
Maurice toiled on, now very angry. He felt the
sweat trickling down his body: drops fell into his long black lashes, blinding
him, so that he had to stop and angrily dash his eyes clear. The veins stood
out in his swarthy neck. He felt he would burst, or drop, if the work did not
soon slacken off. He heard his father's fork dully scrape the cart bottom.
"There, the last," the father panted.
Geoffrey tossed the last light lot at random, took off his hat, and, steaming
in the sunshine as he wiped himself, stood complacently watching Maurice
struggle with clearing the bed.
"Don't you think you've got your bottom
corner a bit far out?" came the father's voice from below. "You'd
better be drawing in now, hadn't you?"
"I thought you said next load,"
Maurice called, sulkily.
"Aye! All right. But isn't this bottom
corner--?"
Maurice, impatient, took no notice.
Geoffrey strode over the stack, and stuck his
fork in the offending corner. "What--here?" he bawled in his great
voice.
"Aye--isn't it a bit loose?" came the
irritating voice.
Geoffrey pushed his fork in the jutting corner,
and, leaning his weight on the handle, shoved. He thought it shook. He thrust
again with all his power. The mass swayed.
"What art up to, tha fool!" cried
Maurice, in a high voice.
"Mind who tha'rt callin' a fool," said
Geoffrey, and he prepared to push again. Maurice sprang across, and elbowed his
brother aside. On the yielding, swaying bed of hay, Geoffrey lost his foothold,
and fell grovelling. Maurice tried the corner.
"It's solid enough," he shouted
angrily.
"Aye--all right," came the
conciliatory voice of the father; "you do get a bit of rest now there's
such a long way to cart it," he added reflectively.
Geoffrey had got to his feet.
"Tha'll mind who tha'rt nudging, I can tell
thee," he threatened heavily; adding, as Maurice continued to work,
"an' tha non ca's him a fool again, dost hear?"
"Not till next time," sneered Maurice.
As he worked silently round the stack, he neared
where his brother stood like a sullen statue, leaning on his fork-handle,
looking out over the countryside. Maurice's heart quickened in its beat. He
worked forward, until a point of his fork caught in the leather of Geoffrey's
boot, and the metal rang sharply.
"Are ter going ta shift thysen?" asked
Maurice threateningly. There was no reply from the great block. Maurice lifted
his upper lip like a dog. Then he put out his elbow, and tried to push his
brother into the stack, clear of his way.
"Who are ter shovin'?" came the deep,
dangerous voice.
"Thaïgh," replied Maurice, with a
sneer, and straightway the two brothers set themselves against each other, like
opposing bulls, Maurice trying his hardest to shift Geoffrey from his footing,
Geoffrey leaning all his weight in resistance. Maurice, insecure in his
footing, staggered a little, and Geoffrey's weight followed him. He went
slithering over the edge of the stack.
Geoffrey turned white to the lips, and remained
standing, listening. He heard the fall. Then a flush of darkness came over him,
and he remained standing only because he was planted. He had not strength to
move. He could hear no sound from below, was only faintly aware of a sharp
shriek from a long way off. He listened again. Then he filled with sudden
panic.
"Feyther!" he roared, in his
tremendous voice: "Feyther! Feyther!"
The valley re-echoed with the sound. Small
cattle on the hill-side looked up. Men's figures came running from the bottom
field, and much nearer a woman's figure was racing across the upper field.
Geoffrey waited in terrible suspense.
"Ah-h!" he heard the strange, wild
voice of the girl cry out. "Ah-h!"--and then some foreign wailing
speech. Then: "Ah-h! Are you dea-ed!"
He stood sullenly erect on the stack, not daring
to go down, longing to hide in the hay, but too sullen to stoop out of sight.
He heard his eldest brother come up, panting:
"Whatever's amiss!" and then the
labourer, and then his father.
"Whatever have you been doing?" he
heard his father ask, while yet he had not come round the corner of the stack.
And then, in a low, bitter tone:
"Eh, he's done for! I'd no business to ha'
put it all on that stack."
There was a moment or two of silence, then the
voice of Henry, the eldest brother, said crisply:
"He's not dead--he's coming round."
Geoffrey heard, but was not glad. He had as lief
Maurice were dead. At least that would be final: better than meeting his
brother's charges, and of seeing his mother pass to the sick-room. If Maurice
was killed, he himself would not explain, no, not a word, and they could hang
him if they liked. If Maurice were only hurt, then everybody would know, and
Geoffrey could never lift his face again. What added torture, to pass along,
everybody knowing. He wanted something that he could stand back to, something
definite, if it were only the knowledge that he had killed his brother.
He must have something firm to back up to, or he would go mad.
He was so lonely, he who above all needed the support of sympathy.
"No, he's commin' to; I tell you he
is," said the labourer.
"He's not dea-ed, he's not dea-ed,"
came the passionate, strange sing-song of the foreign girl. "He's not
dead--no-o."
"He wants some brandy--look at the colour
of his lips," said the crisp, cold voice of Henry. "Can you fetch
some?"
"Wha-at? Fetch?" Fräulein did not
understand.
"Brandy," said Henry, very distinct.
"Brrandy!" she re-echoed.
"You go, Bill," groaned the father.
"Aye, I'll go," replied Bill, and he
ran across the field.
Maurice was not dead, nor going to die. This
Geoffrey now realized. He was glad after all that the extreme penalty was
revoked. But he hated to think of himself going on. He would always shrink now.
He had hoped and hoped for the time when he would be careless, bold as Maurice,
when he would not wince and shrink. Now he would always be the same, coiling up
in himself like a tortoise with no shell.
"Ah-h! He's getting better!" came the
wild voice of the Fräulein, and she began to cry, a strange sound, that
startled the men, made the animal bristle within them. Geoffrey shuddered as he
heard, between her sobbing, the impatient moaning of his brother as the breath
came back.
The labourer returned at a run, followed by the
Vicar. After the brandy, Maurice made more moaning, hiccuping noise. Geoffrey
listened in torture. He heard the Vicar asking for explanations. All the
united, anxious voices replied in brief phrases.
"It was that other," cried the
Fräulein. "He knocked him over--Ha!"
She was shrill and vindictive.
"I don't think so," said the father to
the Vicar, in a quite audible but private tone, speaking as if the Fräulein did
not understand his English.
The Vicar addressed his children's governess in
bad German. She replied in a torrent which he would not confess was too much
for him. Maurice was making little moaning, sighing noises.
"Where's your pain, boy, eh?" the
father asked, pathetically.
"Leave him alone a bit," came the cool
voice of Henry. "He's winded, if no more."
"You'd better see that no bones are
broken," said the anxious Vicar.
"It wor a blessing as he should a dropped
on that heap of hay just there," said the labourer. "If he'd happened
to ha' catched hisself on this nog o' wood 'e wouldna ha' stood much
chance."
Geoffrey wondered when he would have courage to
venture down. He had wild notions of pitching himself head foremost from the
stack: if he could only extinguish himself, he would be safe. Quite
frantically, he longed not to be. The idea of going through life thus coiled up
within himself in morbid self-consciousness, always lonely, surly, and a
misery, was enough to make him cry out. What would they all think when they
knew he had knocked Maurice off that high stack?
They were talking to Maurice down below. The lad
had recovered in great measure, and was able to answer faintly.
"Whatever was you doin'?" the father
asked gently. "Was you playing about with our Geoffrey?--Aye, and where is
he?"
Geoffrey's heart stood still.
"I dunno," said Henry, in a curious,
ironic tone.
"Go an' have a look," pleaded the
father, infinitely relieved over one son, anxious now concerning the other.
Geoffrey could not bear that his eldest brother should climb up and question
him in his high-pitched drawl of curiosity. The culprit doggedly set his feet
on the ladder. His nailed boots slipped a rung.
"Mind yourself," shouted the
overwrought father.
Geoffrey stood like a criminal at the foot of
the ladder, glancing furtively at the group. Maurice was lying, pale and
slightly convulsed, upon a heap of hay. The Fräulein was kneeling beside his
head. The Vicar had the lad's shirt full open down the breast, and was feeling
for broken ribs. The father kneeled on the other side, the labourer and Henry stood
aside.
"I can't find anything broken," said
the Vicar, and he sounded slightly disappointed.
"There's nowt broken to find,"
murmured Maurice, smiling.
The father started. "Eh?" he said.
"Eh?" and he bent over the invalid.
"I say it's not hurt me," repeated
Maurice.
"What were you doing?" asked the cold,
ironic voice of Henry. Geoffrey turned his head away: he had not yet raised his
face.
"Nowt as I know on," he muttered in a
surly tone.
"Why!" cried Fräulein in a reproachful
tone. "I see him--knock him over!" She made a fierce gesture with her
elbow. Henry curled his long moustache sardonically.
"Nay lass, niver," smiled the wan
Maurice. "He was fur enough away from me when I slipped."
"Oh, ah!" cried the Fräulein, not
understanding.
"Yi," smiled Maurice indulgently.
"I think you're mistaken," said the
father, rather pathetically, smiling at the girl as if she were
"wanting".
"Oh no," she cried. "I see him."
"Nay, lass," smiled Maurice quietly.
She was a Pole, named Paula Jablonowsky: young,
only twenty years old, swift and light as a wild cat, with a strange, wild-cat
way of grinning. Her hair was blonde and full of life, all crisped into many
tendrils with vitality, shaking round her face. Her fine blue eyes were
peculiarly lidded, and she seemed to look piercingly, then languorously, like a
wild cat. She had somewhat Slavonic cheekbones, and was very much freckled. It
was evident that the Vicar, a pale, rather cold man, hated her.
Maurice lay pale and smiling in her lap, whilst
she cleaved to him like a mate. One felt instinctively that they were mated.
She was ready at any minute to fight with ferocity in his defence, now he was
hurt. Her looks at Geoffrey were full of fierceness. She bowed over Maurice and
caressed him with her foreign-sounding English.
"You say what you lai-ike," she
laughed, giving him lordship over her.
"Hadn't you better be going and looking
what has become of Margery?" asked the Vicar in tones of reprimand.
"She is with her mother--I heared her. I
will go in a whai-ile," smiled the girl, coolly.
"Do you feel as if you could stand?"
asked the father, still anxiously.
"Aye, in a bit," smiled Maurice.
"You want to get up?" caressed the
girl, bowing over him, till her face was not far from his.
"I'm in no hurry," he replied, smiling
brilliantly.
This accident had given him quite a strange new
ease, an authority. He felt extraordinarily glad. New power had come to him all
at once.
"You in no hurry," she repeated,
gathering his meaning. She smiled tenderly: she was in his service.
"She leaves us in another month--Mrs Inwood
could stand no more of her," apologized the Vicar quietly to the father.
"Why, is she--?"
"Like a wild thing--disobedient, and
insolent."
"Ha!"
The father sounded abstract.
"No more foreign governesses for me."
Maurice stirred, and looked up at the girl.
"You stand up?" she asked brightly.
"You well?"
He laughed again, showing his teeth winsomely.
She lifted his head, sprung to her feet, her hands still holding his head, then
she took him under the armpits and had him on his feet before anyone could
help. He was much taller than she. He grasped her strong shoulders heavily,
leaned against her, and, feeling her round, firm breast doubled up against his
side, he smiled, catching his breath.
"You see I'm all right," he gasped.
"I was only winded."
"You all raïght?" she cried, in great
glee.
"Yes, I am."
He walked a few steps after a moment.
"There's nowt ails me, Father," he
laughed.
"Quite well, you?" she cried in a
pleading tone. He laughed outright, looked down at her, touching her cheek with
his fingers.
"That's it--if tha likes."
"If I lai-ike!" she repeated, radiant.
"She's going at the end of three
weeks," said the Vicar consolingly to the farmer.
II
While they were talking, they heard the far-off
hooting of a pit.
"There goes th' loose a'," said Henry,
coldly. "We're not going to get that corner up
to-day."
The father looked round anxiously.
"Now, Maurice, are you sure you're all
right?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm all right. Haven't I told
you?"
"Then you sit down there, and in a bit you
can be getting dinner out. Henry, you go on the stack. Wheer's Jim? Oh, he's
minding the hosses. Bill, and you, Geoffrey, you can pick while Jim
loads."
Maurice sat down under the wych elm to recover.
The Fräulein had fled back. He made up his mind to ask her to marry him. He had
got fifty pounds of his own, and his mother would help him. For a long time he
sat musing, thinking what he would do. Then, from the float he fetched a big
basket covered with a cloth, and spread the dinner. There was an immense rabbit
pie, a dish of cold potatoes, much bread, a great piece of cheese, and a solid
rice pudding.
These two fields were four miles from the home
farm. But they had been in the hands of the Wookeys for several generations,
therefore the father kept them on, and everyone looked forward to the hay
harvest at Greasley: it was a kind of picnic. They brought dinner and tea in
the milk-float, which the father drove over in the morning. The lads and the
labourers cycled. Off and on, the harvest lasted a fortnight. As the high road
from Alfreton to Nottingham ran at the foot of the fields, someone usually
slept in the hay under the shed to guard the tools. The sons took it in turns.
They did not care for it much, and were for that reason anxious to finish the
harvest on this day. But work went slack and disjointed after Maurice's
accident.
When the load was teemed, they gathered round
the white cloth, which was spread under a tree between the hedge and the stack,
and, sitting on the ground, ate their meal. Mrs Wookey sent always a clean
cloth, and knives and forks and plates for everybody. Mr Wookey was always
rather proud of this spread: everything was so proper.
"There now," he said, sitting down
jovially. "Doesn't this look nice now--eh?"
They all sat round the white spread, in the
shadow of the tree and the stack, and looked out up the fields as they ate.
From their shady coolness, the gold sward seemed liquid, molten with heat. The
horse with the empty wagon wandered a few yards, then stood feeding. Everything
was still as a trance. Now and again, the horse between the shafts of the load
that stood propped beside the stack, jingled his loose bit as he ate. The men
ate and drank in silence, the father reading the newspaper, Maurice leaning
back on a saddle, Henry reading the Nation, the others eating
busily.
Presently "Helloa! 'Er's 'ere again!"
exclaimed Bill. All looked up. Paula was coming across the field carrying a
plate.
"She's bringing something to tempt your
appetite, Maurice," said the eldest brother ironically. Maurice was midway
through a large wedge of rabbit pie, and some cold potatoes.
"Aye, bless me if she's not," laughed
the father. "Put that away, Maurice, it's a shame to disappoint her."
Maurice looked round very shamefaced, not knowing
what to do with his plate.
"Give it over here," said Bill.
"I'll polish him off."
"Bringing something for the invalid?"
laughed the father to the Fräulein. "He's looking up nicely."
"I bring him some chicken, him!" She
nodded her head at Maurice childishly. He flushed and smiled.
"Tha doesna mean ter bust 'im," said
Bill.
Everybody laughed aloud. The girl did not
understand, so she laughed also. Maurice ate his portion very sheepishly.
The father pitied his son's shyness.
"Come here and sit by me," he said.
"Eh, Fräulein! Is that what they call you?"
"I sit by you, Father," she said
innocently.
Henry threw his head back and laughed long and
noiselessly.
She settled near to the big, handsome man.
"My name," she said, "is Paula
Jablonowsky."
"Is what?" said the father, and the
other men went into roars of laughter.
"Tell me again," said the father.
"Your name--?"
"Paula."
"Paula? Oh--well, it's a rum sort of name,
eh? His name--" he nodded at his son.
"Maurice--I know." She pronounced it
sweetly, then laughed into the father's eyes. Maurice blushed to the roots of
his hair.
They questioned her concerning her history, and
made out that she came from Hanover, that her father was a shop-keeper, and
that she had run away from home because she did not like her father. She had
gone to Paris.
"Oh," said the father, now dubious.
"And what did you do there?"
"In school--in a young ladies'
school."
"Did you like it?"
"Oh no--no laïfe--no life!"
"What?"
"When we go out--two and two--all
together--no more. Ah, no life, no life."
"Well, that's a winder!" exclaimed the
father. "No life in Paris! And have you found much life in England?"
"No--ah no. I don't like it." She made
a grimace at the Vicarage.
"How long have you been in England?"
"Chreestmas--so."
"And what will you do?"
"I will go to London, or to Paris. Ah,
Paris!--Or get married!" She laughed into the father's eyes.
The father laughed heartily.
"Get married, eh? And who to?"
"I don't know. I am going away."
"The country's too quiet for you?"
asked the father.
"Too quiet--hm!" she nodded in assent.
"You wouldn't care for making butter and
cheese?"
"Making butter--hm!" She turned to him
with a glad, bright gesture. "I like it."
"Oh," laughed the father. "You
would, would you?"
She nodded vehemently, with glowing eyes.
"She'd like anything in the shape of a
change," said Henry judicially.
"I think she would," agreed the
father. It did not occur to them that she fully understood what they said. She
looked at them closely, then thought with bowed head.
"Hullo!" exclaimed Henry, the alert. A
tramp was slouching towards them through the gap. He was a very seedy, slinking
fellow, with a tang of horsey braggadocio about him. Small, thin, and ferrety,
with a week's red beard bristling on his pointed chin, he came slouching forward.
"Have yer got a bit of a job goin'?"
he asked.
"A bit of a job," repeated the father.
"Why, can't you see as we've a'most done?"
"Aye--but I noticed you was a hand short,
an' I thowt as 'appen you'd gie me half a day."
"What, are you any good in
a hay close?" asked Henry, with a sneer.
The man stood slouching against the haystack.
All the others were seated on the floor. He had an advantage.
"I could work aside any on yer," he
bragged.
"Tha looks it," laughed Bill.
"And what's your regular trade?" asked
the father.
"I'm a jockey by rights. But I did a bit o'
dirty work for a boss o' mine, an' I was landed. "E got the
benefit, I got kicked out. "E axed me--an'
then 'e looked as if 'e'd never seed me."
"Did he, though!" exclaimed the father
sympathetically.
"'E did that!" asserted the man.
"But we've got nothing for you," said
Henry coldly.
"What does the boss say?" asked the
man, impudent.
"No, we've no work you can do," said
the father. "You can have a bit o' something to eat, if you like."
"I should be glad of it," said the
man.
He was given the chunk of rabbit pie that
remained. This he ate greedily. There was something debased, parasitic, about
him, which disgusted Henry. The others regarded him as a curiosity.
"That was nice and tasty," said the
tramp, with gusto.
"Do you want a piece of bread 'n'
cheese?" asked the father.
"It'll help to fill up," was the
reply.
The man ate this more slowly. The company was
embarrassed by his presence, and could not talk. All the men lit their pipes,
the meal over.
"So you dunna want any help?" said the
tramp at last.
"No--we can manage what bit there is to
do."
"You don't happen to have a fill of bacca
to spare, do you?"
The father gave him a good pinch.
"You're all right here," he said,
looking round. They resented this familiarity. However, he filled his clay pipe
and smoked with the rest.
As they were sitting silent, another figure came
through the gap in the hedge, and noiselessly approached. It was a woman. She
was rather small and finely made. Her face was small, very ruddy, and comely,
save for the look of bitterness and aloofness that it wore. Her hair was drawn
tightly back under a sailor hat. She gave an impression of cleanness, of
precision and directness.
"Have you got some work?" she asked of
her man. She ignored the rest. He tucked his tail between his legs.
"No, they haven't got no work for me.
They've just gave me a draw of bacca."
He was a mean crawl of a man.
"An' am I goin' to wait for you out there
on the lane all day?"
"You needn't if you don't like. You could
go on."
"Well, are you coming?" she asked
contemptuously. He rose to his feet in a rickety fashion.
"You needn't be in such a mighty
hurry," he said. "If you'd wait a bit you might get summat."
She glanced for the first time over the men. She
was quite young, and would have been pretty, were she not so hard and
callous-looking.
"Have you had your dinner?" asked the
father.
She looked at him with a kind of anger, and
turned away. Her face was so childish in its contours, contrasting strangely
with her expression.
"Are you coming?" she said to the man.
"He's had his tuck-in. Have a bit, if you
want it," coaxed the father.
"What have you had?" she flashed to
the man.
"He's had all what was left o' th' rabbit
pie," said Geoffrey, in an indignant, mocking tone, "and a great hunk
o' bread an' cheese."
"Well, it was gave me," said the man.
The young woman looked at Geoffrey, and he at
her. There was a sort of kinship between them. Both were at odds with the
world. Geoffrey smiled satirically. She was too grave, too deeply incensed even
to smile.
"There's a cake here, though--you can have
a bit o' that," said Maurice blithely.
She eyed him with scorn.
Again she looked at Geoffrey. He seemed to
understand her. She turned, and in silence departed. The man remained
obstinately sucking at his pipe. Everybody looked at him with hostility.
"We'll be getting to work," said
Henry, rising, pulling off his coat. Paula got to her feet. She was a little
bit confused by the presence of the tramp.
"I go," she said, smiling brilliantly.
Maurice rose and followed her sheepishly.
"A good grind, eh?" said the tramp,
nodding after the Fräulein. The men only half-understood him, but they hated
him.
"Hadn't you better be getting off?"
said Henry.
The man rose obediently. He was all slouching,
parasitic insolence. Geoffrey loathed him, longed to exterminate him. He was
exactly the worst foe of the hyper-sensitive: insolence without sensibility,
preying on sensibility.
"Aren't you goin' to give me summat for
her? It's nowt she's had all day, to my knowin'. She'll 'appen eat it if I take
it 'er--though she gets more than I've any knowledge of"--this with a lewd
wink of jealous spite. "And then tries to keep a tight hand on me,"
he sneered, taking the bread and cheese, and stuffing it in his pocket.
III
Geoffrey worked sullenly all the afternoon, and
Maurice did the horse-raking. It was exceedingly hot. So the day wore on, the
atmosphere thickened, and the sunlight grew blurred. Geoffrey was picking with
Bill--helping to load the wagons from the winrows. He was sulky, though
extraordinarily relieved: Maurice would not tell. Since the quarrel neither
brother had spoken to the other. But their silence was entirely amicable,
almost affectionate. They had both been deeply moved, so much so that their
ordinary intercourse was interrupted: but underneath, each felt a strong regard
for the other. Maurice was peculiarly happy, his feeling of affection swimming
over everything. But Geoffrey was still sullenly hostile to the most part of
the world. He felt isolated. The free and easy intercommunication between the
other workers left him distinctly alone. And he was a man who could not bear to
stand alone, he was too much afraid of the vast confusion of life surrounding
him, in which he was helpless. Geoffrey mistrusted himself with everybody.
The work went on slowly. It was unbearably hot,
and everyone was disheartened.
"We s'll have getting-on-for another day of
it," said the father at tea-time, as they sat under the tree.
"Quite a day," said Henry.
"Somebody'll have to stop, then," said
Geoffrey. "It 'ud better be me."
"Nay, lad, I'll stop," said Maurice,
and he hid his head in confusion.
"Stop again to-night!" exclaimed the
father. "I'd rather you went home."
"Nay, I'm stoppin'," protested
Maurice.
"He wants to do his courting," Henry
enlightened them.
The father thought seriously about it.
"I don't know . . ." he mused, rather
perturbed.
But Maurice stayed. Towards eight o'clock, after
sundown, the men mounted their bicycles, the father put the horse in the float,
and all departed. Maurice stood in the gap of the hedge and watched them go,
the cart rolling and swinging downhill, over the grass stubble, the cyclists
dipping swiftly like shadows in front. All passed through the gate, there was a
quick clatter of hoofs on the roadway under the lime trees, and they were gone.
The young man was very much excited, almost afraid, at finding himself alone.
Darkness was rising from the valley. Already, up
the steep hill the cart-lamps crept indecisively, and the cottage windows were
lit. Everything looked strange to Maurice, as if he had not seen it before.
Down the hedge a large lime-tree teemed with scent that seemed almost like a
voice speaking. It startled him. He caught a breath of the over-sweet fragrance,
then stood still, listening expectantly.
Up hill, a horse whinneyed. It was the young
mare. The heavy horses went thundering across to the far hedge.
Maurice wondered what to do. He wandered round
the deserted stacks restlessly. Heat came in wafts, in thick strands. The
evening was a long time cooling. He thought he would go and wash himself. There
was a trough of pure water in the hedge bottom. It was filled by a tiny spring
that filtered over the brim of the trough down the lush hedge bottom of the lower
field. All round the trough, in the upper field, the land was marshy, and there
the meadow-sweet stood like clots of mist, very sickly-smelling in the
twilight. The night did not darken, for the moon was in the sky, so that as the
tawny colour drew off the heavens they remained pallid with a dimmed moon. The
purple bell-flowers in the hedge went black, the ragged robin turned its pink
to a faded white, the meadow-sweet gathered light as if it were phosphorescent,
and it made the air ache with scent.
Maurice kneeled on the slab of stone bathing his
hands and arms, then his face. The water was deliriously cool. He had still an
hour before Paula would come: she was not due till nine. So he decided to take
his bath at night instead of waiting till morning. Was he not sticky, and was
not Paula coming to talk to him? He was delighted the thought had occurred to
him. As he soused his head in the trough, he wondered what the little creatures
that lived in the velvety silt at the bottom would think of the taste of soap.
Laughing to himself, he squeezed his cloth into the water. He washed himself
from head to foot, standing in the fresh, forsaken corner of the field, where
no one could see him by daylight, so that now, in the veiled grey tinge of
moonlight, he was no more noticeable than the crowded flowers. The night had on
a new look: he never remembered to have seen the lustrous grey sheen of it
before, nor to have noticed how vital the lights looked, like live folk
inhabiting the silvery spaces. And the tall trees, wrapped obscurely in their
mantles, would not have surprised him had they begun to move in converse. As he
dried himself, he discovered little wanderings in the air, felt on his sides
soft touches and caresses that were peculiarly delicious: sometimes they
startled him, and he laughed as if he were not alone. The flowers, the
meadow-sweet particularly, haunted him. He reached to put his hand over their
fleeciness. They touched his thighs. Laughing, he gathered them and dusted
himself all over with their cream dust and fragrance. For a moment he hesitated
in wonder at himself: but the subtle glow in the hoary and black night
reassured him. Things never had looked so personal and full of beauty, he had
never known the wonder in himself before.
At nine o'clock he was waiting under the
elder-bush, in a state of high trepidation, but feeling that he was worthy,
having a sense of his own wonder. She was late. At a quarter-past nine she
came, flitting swiftly, in her own eager way.
"No, she would not go to
sleep," said Paula, with a world of wrath in her tone. He laughed
bashfully. They wandered out into the dim, hillside field.
"I have sat--in that bedroom--for an hour,
for hours," she cried indignantly. She took a deep breath: "Ah,
breathe!" she smiled.
She was very intense, and full of energy.
"I want"--she was clumsy with the
language--"I want--I should laike--to run--there!" She pointed across
the field.
"Let's run, then," he said, curiously.
"Yes!"
And in an instant she was gone. He raced after
her. For all he was so young and limber, he had difficulty in catching her. At
first he could scarcely see her, though he could hear the rustle of her dress.
She sped with astonishing fleetness. He overtook her, caught her by the arm,
and they stood panting, facing one another with laughter.
"I could win," she asserted blithely.
"Tha couldna," he replied, with a
peculiar, excited laugh. They walked on, rather breathless. In front of them
suddenly appeared the dark shapes of the three feeding horses.
"We ride a horse?" she said.
"What, bareback?" he asked.
"You say?" She did not understand.
"With no saddle?"
"No saddle--yes--no saddle."
"Coop, lass!" he said to the mare, and
in a minute he had her by the forelock, and was leading her down to the stacks,
where he put a halter on her. She was a big, strong mare. Maurice seated the
Fräulein, clambered himself in front of the girl, using the wheel of the wagon
as a mount, and together they trotted uphill, she holding lightly round his
waist. From the crest of the hill they looked round.
The sky was darkening with an awning of cloud.
On the left the hill rose black and wooded, made cosy by a few lights from
cottages along the highway. The hill spread to the right, and tufts of trees
shut round. But in front was a great vista of night, a sprinkle of cottage
candles, a twinkling cluster of lights, like an elfish fair in full swing, at
the colliery, an encampment of light at a village, a red flare on the sky far
off, above an iron-foundry, and in the farthest distance the dim breathing of
town lights. As they watched the night stretch far out, her arms tightened
round his waist, and he pressed his elbows to his side, pressing her arms
closer still. The horse moved restlessly. They clung to each other.
"Tha doesna want to go right away?" he
asked the girl behind him.
"I stay with you," she answered
softly, and he felt her crouching close against him. He laughed curiously. He
was afraid to kiss her, though he was urged to do so. They remained still, on
the restless horse, watching the small lights lead deep into the night, an
infinite distance.
"I don't want to go," he said, in a
tone half pleading.
She did not answer. The horse stirred
restlessly.
"Let him run," cried Paula,
"fast!"
She broke the spell, startled him into a little
fury. He kicked the mare, hit her, and away she plunged downhill. The girl
clung tightly to the young man. They were riding bareback down a rough, steep
hill. Maurice clung hard with hands and knees. Paula held him fast round the
waist, leaning her head on his shoulders, and thrilling with excitement.
"We shall be off, we shall be off," he
cried, laughing with excitement; but she only crouched behind and pressed tight
to him. The mare tore across the field. Maurice expected every moment to be
flung on to the grass. He gripped with all the strength of his knees. Paula
tucked herself behind him, and often wrenched him almost from his hold. Man and
girl were taut with effort.
At last the mare came to a standstill, blowing.
Paula slid off, and in an instant Maurice was beside her. They were both highly
excited. Before he knew what he was doing, he had her in his arms, fast, and
was kissing her, and laughing. They did not move for some time. Then, in
silence, they walked towards the stacks.
It had grown quite dark, the night was thick
with cloud. He walked with his arm round Paula's waist, she with her arm round
him. They were near the stacks when Maurice felt a spot of rain.
"It's going to rain," he said.
"Rain!" she echoed, as if it were
trivial.
"I s'll have to put the stack-cloth
on," he said gravely. She did not understand.
When they got to the stacks, he went round to
the shed, to return staggering in the darkness under the burden of the immense
and heavy cloth. It had not been used once during the hay harvest.
"What are you going to do?" asked
Paula, coming close to him in the darkness.
"Cover the top of the stack with it,"
he replied. "Put it over the stack, to keep the rain out."
"Ah!" she cried, "up there!"
He dropped his burden. "Yes," he answered.
Fumblingly he reared the long ladder up the side
of the stack. He could not see the top.
"I hope it's solid," he said, softly.
A few smart drops of rain sounded drumming on
the cloth. They seemed like another presence. It was very dark indeed between
the great buildings of hay. She looked up the black wall, and shrank to him.
"You carry it up there?" she asked.
"Yes," he answered.
"I help you?" she said.
And she did. They opened the cloth. He clambered
first up the steep ladder, bearing the upper part, she followed closely,
carrying her full share. They mounted the shaky ladder in silence, stealthily.
IV
As they climbed the stacks a light stopped at
the gate on the high road. It was Geoffrey, come to help his brother with the
cloth. Afraid of his own intrusion, he wheeled his bicycle silently towards the
shed. This was a corrugated iron erection, on the opposite side of the hedge
from the stacks. Geoffrey let his light go in front of him, but there was no
sign from the lovers. He thought he saw a shadow slinking away. The light of
the bicycle lamp sheered yellowly across the dark, catching a glint of
raindrops, a mist of darkness, shadow of leaves and strokes of long grass.
Geoffrey entered the shed--no one was there. He walked slowly and doggedly
round to the stacks. He had passed the wagon, when he heard something sheering
down upon him. Starting back under the wall of hay, he saw the long ladder
slither across the side of the stack, and fall with a bruising ring.
"What wor that?" he heard Maurice,
aloft, ask cautiously.
"Something fall," came the curious,
almost pleased voice of the Fräulein.
"It wor niver th' ladder," said
Maurice. He peered over the side of the stack. He lay down, looking.
"It is an' a'!" he exclaimed. "We
knocked it down with the cloth, dragging it over."
"We fast up here?" she exclaimed with
a thrill.
"We are that--without I shout and make 'em
hear at the Vicarage."
"Oh no," she said quickly.
"I don't want to," he replied, with a
short laugh. There came a swift clatter of raindrops on the cloth. Geoffrey
crouched under the wall of the other stack.
"Mind where you tread--here, let me
straighten this end," said Maurice, with a peculiar intimate tone--a
command and an embrace. "We s'll have to sit under it. At any rate, we
shan't get wet."
"Not get wet!" echoed the girl,
pleased, but agitated.
Geoffrey heard the slide and rustle of the cloth
over the top of the stack, heard Maurice telling her to "Mind!"
"Mind!" she repeated. "Mind! you
say 'Mind!'"
"Well, what if I do?" he laughed.
"I don't want you to fall over th' side, do I?" His tone was
masterful, but he was not quite sure of himself.
There was silence a moment or two.
"Maurice!" she said, plaintively.
"I'm here," he answered, tenderly, his
voice shaky with excitement that was near to distress. "There, I've done.
Now should we--we'll sit under this corner."
"Maurice!" she was rather pitiful.
"What? You'll be all right," he
remonstrated, tenderly indignant.
"I be all raïght," she repeated,
"I be all raïght, Maurice?"
"Tha knows tha will--I canna ca' thee Powla.
Should I ca' thee Minnie?"
It was the name of a dead sister.
"Minnie?" she exclaimed in surprise.
"Aye, should I?"
She answered in full-throated German. He laughed
shakily.
"Come on--come on under. But do yer wish
you was safe in th' Vicarage? Should I shout for somebody?" he asked.
"I don't wish, no!" She was vehement.
"Art sure?" he insisted, almost
indignantly.
"Sure--I quite sure." She laughed.
Geoffrey turned away at the last words. Then the
rain beat heavily. The lonely brother slouched miserably to the hut, where the
rain played a mad tattoo. He felt very miserable, and jealous of Maurice.
His bicycle lamp, downcast, shone a yellow light
on the stark floor of the shed or hut with one wall open. It lit up the trodden
earth, the shafts of tools lying piled under the beam, beside the dreary grey
metal of the building. He took off the lamp, shone it round the hut. There were
piles of harness, tools, a big sugar box, a deep bed of hay--then the beams
across the corrugated iron, all very dreary and stark. He shone the lamp into
the night: nothing but the furtive glitter of raindrops through the mist of
darkness, and black shapes hovering round.
Geoffrey blew out the light and flung himself on
to the hay. He would put the ladder up for them in a while, when they would be
wanting it. Meanwhile he sat and gloated over Maurice's felicity. He was
imaginative, and now he had something concrete to work upon. Nothing in the
whole of life stirred him so profoundly, and so utterly, as the thought of this
woman. For Paula was strange, foreign, different from the ordinary girls: the
rousing, feminine quality seemed in her concentrated, brighter, more
fascinating than in anyone he had known, so that he felt most like a moth near
a candle. He would have loved her wildly--but Maurice had got her. His thoughts
beat the same course, round and round. What was it like when you kissed her,
when she held you tight round the waist, how did she feel towards Maurice, did
she love to touch him, was he fine and attractive to her; what did she think of
himself--she merely disregarded him, as she would disregard a horse in a field;
why should she do so, why couldn't he make her regard himself, instead of
Maurice: he would never command a woman's regard like that, he always gave in
to her too soon; if only some woman would come and take him for what he was
worth, though he was such a stumbler and showed to such disadvantage, ah, what
a grand thing it would be; how he would kiss her. Then round he went again in
the same course, brooding almost like a madman. Meanwhile the rain drummed deep
on the shed, then grew lighter and softer. There came the drip, drip of the
drops falling outside.
Geoffrey's heart leaped up his chest, and he
clenched himself, as a black shape crept round the post of the shed and,
bowing, entered silently. The young man's heart beat so heavily in plunges, he
could not get his breath to speak. It was shock, rather than fear. The form
felt towards him. He sprang up, gripped it with his great hands, panting "Now,
then!"
There was no resistance, only a little whimper
of despair.
"Let me go," said a woman's voice.
"What are you after?" he asked, in
deep, gruff tones.
"I thought 'e was 'ere," she wept
despairingly, with little, stubborn sobs.
"An' you've found what you didn't expect,
have you?"
At the sound of his bullying she tried to get
away from him.
"Let me go," she said.
"Who did you expect to find here?" he
asked, but more his natural self.
"I expected my husband--him as you saw at
dinner. Let me go."
"Why, is it you?" exclaimed Geoffrey.
"Has he left you?"
"Let me go," said the woman sullenly,
trying to draw away. He realized that her sleeve was very wet, her arm slender
under his grasp. Suddenly he grew ashamed of himself: he had no doubt hurt her,
gripping her so hard. He relaxed, but did not let her go.
"An' are you searching round after that
snipe as was here at dinner?" he asked. She did not answer.
"Where did he leave you?"
"I left him--here. I've seen nothing of him
since."
"I s'd think it's good riddance," he
said. She did not answer. He gave a short laugh, saying:
"I should ha' thought you wouldn't ha'
wanted to clap eyes on him again."
"He's my husband--an' he's not goin' to run
off if I can stop him."
Geoffrey was silent, not knowing what to say.
"Have you got a jacket on?" he asked
at last.
"What do you think? You've got hold of
it."
"You're wet through, aren't you?"
"I shouldn't be dry, comin' through that
teemin' rain. But 'e's not here, so I'll go."
"I mean," he said humbly, "are
you wet through?"
She did not answer. He felt her shiver.
"Are you cold?" he asked, in surprise
and concern.
She did not answer. He did not know what to say.
"Stop a minute," he said, and he
fumbled in his pocket for his matches. He struck a light, holding it in the
hollow of his large, hard palm. He was a big man, and he looked anxious.
Shedding the light on her, he saw she was rather pale, and very weary looking.
Her old sailor hat was sodden and drooping with rain. She wore a fawn-coloured
jacket of smooth cloth. This jacket was black-wet where the rain had beaten,
her skirt hung sodden, and dripped on to her boots. The match went out.
"Why, you're wet through!" he said.
She did not answer.
"Shall you stop in here while it gives
over?" he asked. She did not answer.
"'Cause if you will, you'd better take your
things off, an' have th' rug. There's a horse-rug in the box."
He waited, but she would not answer. So he lit
his bicycle lamp, and rummaged in the box, pulling out a large brown blanket,
striped with scarlet and yellow. She stood stock still. He shone the light on
her. She was very pale, and trembling fitfully.
"Are you that cold?" he asked in
concern. "Take your jacket off, and your hat, and put this right over
you."
Mechanically, she undid the enormous
fawn-coloured buttons, and unpinned her hat. With her black hair drawn back
from her low, honest brow, she looked little more than a girl, like a girl
driven hard with womanhood by stress of life. She was small, and natty, with
neat little features. But she shivered convulsively.
"Is something a-matter with you?" he
asked.
"I've walked to Bulwell and back," she
quivered, "looking for him--an' I've not touched a thing since this
morning." She did not weep--she was too dreary-hardened to cry. He looked
at her in dismay, his mouth half open: "Gormin", as Maurice would
have said.
"'Aven't you had nothing to eat?" he
said.
Then he turned aside to the box. There, the
bread remaining was kept, and the great piece of cheese, and such things as
sugar and salt, with all table utensils: there was some butter.
She sat down drearily on the bed of hay. He cut
her a piece of bread and butter, and a piece of cheese. This she took, but ate
listlessly.
"I want a drink," she said.
"We 'aven't got no beer," he answered.
"My father doesn't have it."
"I want water," she said.
He took a can and plunged through the wet
darkness, under the great black hedge, down to the trough. As he came back he
saw her in the half-lit little cave sitting bunched together. The soaked grass
wet his feet--he thought of her. When he gave her a cup of water, her hand
touched his and he felt her fingers hot and glossy. She trembled so she spilled
the water.
"Do you feel badly?" he asked.
"I can't keep myself still--but it's only
with being tired and having nothing to eat."
He scratched his head contemplatively, waited
while she ate her piece of bread and butter. Then he offered her another piece.
"I don't want it just now," she said.
"You'll have to eat summat," he said.
"I couldn't eat any more just now."
He put the piece down undecidedly on the box.
Then there was another long pause. He stood up with bent head. The bicycle,
like a restful animal, glittered behind him, turning towards the wall. The
woman sat hunched on the hay, shivering.
"Can't you get warm?" he asked.
"I shall by an' by--don't you bother. I'm
taking your seat--are you stopping here all night?"
"Yes."
"I'll be goin' in a bit," she said.
"Nay, I non want you to go. I'm thinkin'
how you could get warm."
"Don't you bother about me," she
remonstrated, almost irritably.
"I just want to see as the stacks is all
right. You take your shoes an' stockin's an' all your wet things off: you can
easy wrap yourself all over in that rug, there's not so much of you."
"It's raining--I s'll be all right--I s'll
be going in a minute."
"I've got to see as the stacks is safe.
Take your wet things off."
"Are you coming back?" she asked.
"I mightn't, not till morning."
"Well, I s'll be gone in ten minutes, then.
I've no rights to be here, an' I s'll not let anybody be turned out for
me."
"You won't be turning me out."
"Whether or no, I shan't stop."
"Well, shall you if I come back?" he
asked. She did not answer.
He went. In a few moments, she blew the light
out. The rain was falling steadily, and the night was a black gulf. All was
intensely still. Geoffrey listened everywhere: no sound save the rain. He stood
between the stacks, but only heard the trickle of water, and the light swish of
rain. Everything was lost in blackness. He imagined death was like that, many
things dissolved in silence and darkness, blotted out, but existing. In the
dense blackness he felt himself almost extinguished. He was afraid he might not
find things the same. Almost frantically, he stumbled, feeling his way, till
his hand touched the wet metal. He had been looking for a gleam of light.
"Did you blow the lamp out?" he asked,
fearful lest the silence should answer him.
"Yes," she answered humbly. He was
glad to hear her voice. Groping into the pitch-dark shed, he knocked against
the box, part of whose cover served as table. There was a clatter and a fall.
"That's the lamp, an' the knife, an' the
cup," he said. He struck a match.
"Th' cup's not broke." He put it into
the box.
"But th' oil's spilled out o' th' lamp. It
always was a rotten old thing." He hastily blew out his match, which was
burning his fingers. Then he struck another light.
"You don't want a lamp, you know you don't,
and I s'll be going directly, so you come an' lie down an' get your night's
rest. I'm not taking any of your place."
He looked at her by the light of another match.
She was a queer little bundle, all brown, with gaudy border folding in and out,
and her little face peering at him. As the match went out she saw him beginning
to smile.
"I can sit right at this end," she
said. "You lie down."
He came and sat on the hay, at some distance
from her. After a spell of silence:
"Is he really your husband?" he asked.
"He is!" she answered grimly.
"Hm!" Then there was silence again.
After a while: "Are you warm now?"
"Why do you bother yourself?"
"I don't bother myself--do you follow him
because you like him?" He put it very timidly. He wanted to know.
"I don't--I wish he was dead," this
with bitter contempt. Then doggedly; "But he's my husband."
He gave a short laugh.
"By Gad!" he said.
Again, after a while: "Have you been
married long?"
"Four years."
"Four years--why, how old are you?"
"Twenty-three."
"Are you turned twenty-three?"
"Last May."
"Then you're four month older than
me." He mused over it. They were only two voices in the pitch-black night.
It was eerie silence again.
"And do you just tramp about?" he
asked.
"He reckons he's looking for a job. But he
doesn't like work in any shape or form. He was a stableman when I married him,
at Greenhalgh's, the horse-dealers, at Chesterfield, where I was housemaid. He
left that job when the baby was only two month, and I've been badgered about
from pillar to post ever sin'. They say a rolling stone gathers no moss . .
."
"An' where's the baby?"
"It died when it was ten month old."
Now the silence was clinched between them. It
was quite a long time before Geoffrey ventured to say sympathetically:
"You haven't much to look forward to."
"I've wished many a score time when I've
started shiverin' an' shakin' at nights, as I was taken bad for death. But
we're not that handy at dying."
He was silent. "But what ever shall you
do?" he faltered.
"I s'll find him, if I drop by th'
road."
"Why?" he asked, wondering, looking
her way, though he saw nothing but solid darkness.
"Because I shall. He's not going to have it
all his own road."
"But why don't you leave him?"
"Because he's not goin' to have it
all his own road."
She sounded very determined, even vindictive. He
sat in wonder, feeling uneasy, and vaguely miserable on her behalf. She sat
extraordinarily still. She seemed like a voice only, a presence.
"Are you warm now?" he asked, half
afraid.
"A bit warmer--but my feet!" She
sounded pitiful.
"Let me warm them with my hands," he
asked her. "I'm hot enough."
"No, thank you," she said, coldly.
Then, in the darkness, she felt she had wounded
him. He was writhing under her rebuff, for his offer had been pure kindness.
"They're 'appen dirty," she said, half
mocking.
"Well--mine is--an' I have a bath a'most
every day," he answered.
"I don't know when they'll get warm,"
she moaned to herself.
"Well, then, put them in my hands."
She heard him faintly rattling the match-box,
and then a phosphorescent glare began to fume in his direction. Presently he
was holding two smoking, blue-green blotches of light towards her feet. She was
afraid. But her feet ached so, and the impulse drove her on, so she placed her
soles lightly on the two blotches of smoke. His large hands clasped over her
instep, warm and hard.
"They're like ice!" he said, in deep
concern.
He warmed her feet as best he could, putting
them close against him. Now and again convulsive tremors ran over her. She felt
his warm breath on the balls of her toes, that were bunched up in his hands.
Leaning forward, she touched his hair delicately with her fingers. He thrilled.
She fell to gently stroking his hair, with timid, pleading finger-tips.
"Do they feel any better?" he asked,
in a low voice, suddenly lifting his face to her. This sent her hand sliding
softly over his face, and her finger-tips caught on his mouth. She drew quickly
away. He put his hand out to find hers, in his other palm holding both her
feet. His wandering hand met her face. He touched it curiously. It was wet. He
put his big fingers cautiously on her eyes, into two little pools of tears.
"What's a matter?" he asked, in a low,
choked voice.
She leaned down to him, and gripped him tightly
round the neck, pressing him to her bosom in a little frenzy of pain. Her
bitter disillusionment with life, her unalleviated shame and degradation during
the last four years, had driven her into loneliness, and hardened her till a
large part of her nature was caked and sterile. Now she softened again, and her
spring might be beautiful. She had been in a fair way to make an ugly old
woman.
She clasped the head of Geoffrey to her breast,
which heaved and fell, and heaved again. He was bewildered, full of wonder. He
allowed the woman to do as she would with him. Her tears fell on his hair, as
she wept noiselessly; and he breathed deep as she did. At last she let go her
clasp. He put his arms round her.
"Come and let me warm you," he said,
folding her up on his knee, and lapping her with his heavy arms against
himself. She was small and câline. He held her very warm and
close. Presently she stole her arms round him.
"You are big," she
whispered.
He gripped her hard, started, put his mouth down
wanderingly, seeking her out. His lips met her temple. She slowly, deliberately
turned her mouth to his, and with opened lips, met him in a kiss, his first
love kiss.
V
It was breaking cold dawn when Geoffrey woke.
The woman was still sleeping in his arms. Her face in sleep moved all his
tenderness: the tight shutting of her mouth, as if in resolution to bear what
was very hard to bear, contrasted so pitifully with the small mould of her
features. Geoffrey pressed her to his bosom: having her, he felt he could
bruise the lips of the scornful, and pass on erect, unabateable. With her to
complete him, to form the core of him, he was firm and whole. Needing her so
much, he loved her fervently.
Meanwhile the dawn came like death, one of those
slow, livid mornings that seem to come in a cold sweat. Slowly, and painfully,
the air began to whiten. Geoffrey saw it was not raining. As he was watching
the ghastly transformation outside, he felt aware of something. He glanced
down: she was open-eyed, watching him; she had golden-brown, calm eyes, that
immediately smiled into his. He also smiled, bowed softly down and kissed her.
They did not speak for some time. Then:
"What's thy name?" he asked curiously.
"Lydia," she said.
"Lydia!" he repeated, wonderingly. He
felt rather shy.
"Mine's Geoffrey Wookey," he said.
She merely smiled at him.
They were silent for a considerable time. By
morning light, things look small. The huge trees of the evening were dwindling
to hoary, small, uncertain things, trespassing in the sick pallor of the
atmosphere.
There was a dense mist, so that the light could
scarcely breathe. Everything seemed to quiver with cold and sickliness.
"Have you often slept out?" he asked
her.
"Not so very," she answered.
"You won't go after him?"
he asked.
"I s'll have to," she replied, but she
nestled in to Geoffrey. He felt a sudden panic.
"You musn't," he exclaimed, and she
saw he was afraid for himself. She let it be, was silent.
"We couldn't get married?" he asked,
thoughtfully.
"No."
He brooded deeply over this. At length:
"Would you go to Canada with me?"
"We'll see what you think in two months'
time," she replied quietly, without bitterness.
"I s'll think the same," he protested,
hurt.
She did not answer, only watched him steadily.
She was there for him to do as he liked with; but she would not injure his
fortunes; no, not to save his soul.
"Haven't you got no relations?" he
asked.
"A married sister at Crick."
"On a farm?"
"No--married a farm labourer--but she's
very comfortable. I'll go there, if you want me to, just till I can get another
place in service."
He considered this.
"Could you get on a farm?" he asked
wistfully.
"Greenhalgh's was a farm."
He saw the future brighten: she would be a help
to him. She agreed to go to her sister, and to get a place of service--until
Spring, he said, when they would sail for Canada. He waited for her assent.
"You will come with me, then?" he
asked.
"When the time comes," she said.
Her want of faith made him bow his head: she had
reason for it.
"Shall you walk to Crick, or go from
Langley Mill to Ambergate? But it's only ten mile to walk. So we can go
together up Hunt's Hill--you'd have to go past our lane-end, then I could easy
nip down an' fetch you some money," he said, humbly.
"I've got half a sovereign by me--it's more
than I s'll want."
"Let's see it," he said.
After a while, fumbling under the blanket, she
brought out the piece of money. He felt she was independent of him. Brooding
rather bitterly, he told himself she'd forsake him. His anger gave him courage
to ask:
"Shall you go in service in your maiden
name?"
"No."
He was bitterly wrathful with her--full of
resentment.
"I bet I s'll niver see you again," he
said, with a short, hard laugh. She put her arms round him, pressed him to her
bosom, while the tears rose to her eyes. He was reassured, but not satisfied.
"Shall you write to me to-night?"
"Yes, I will."
"And can I write to you--who shall I write
to?"
"Mrs Bredon."
"'Bredon'!" he repeated bitterly.
He was exceedingly uneasy.
The dawn had grown quite wan. He saw the hedges
drooping wet down the grey mist. Then he told her about Maurice.
"Oh, you shouldn't!" she
said. "You should ha' put the ladder up for them, you should."
"Well--I don't care."
"Go and do it now--and I'll go."
"No, don't you. Stop an' see our Maurice,
go on, stop an' see him--then I s'll be able to tell him."
She consented in silence. He had her promise she
would not go before he returned. She adjusted her dress, found her way to the
trough, where she performed her toilet.
Geoffrey wandered round to the upper field. The
stacks looked wet in the mist, the hedge was drenched. Mist rose like steam
from the grass, and the near hills were veiled almost to a shadow. In the
valley, some peaks of black poplar showed fairly definite, jutting up. He
shivered with chill.
There was no sound from the stacks, and he could
see nothing. After all, he wondered, were they up there. But he reared the
ladder to the place whence it had been swept, then went down the hedge to
gather dry sticks. He was breaking off thin dead twigs under a holly tree when
he heard, on the perfectly still air: "Well I'm dashed!"
He listened intently. Maurice was awake.
"Sithee here!" the lad's voice
exclaimed. Then, after a while, the foreign sound of the girl:
"What--oh, thair!"
"Aye, th' ladder's there, right
enough."
"You said it had fall down."
"Well, I heard it drop--an' I couldna feel
it nor see it."
"You said it had fall down--you lie, you
liar."
"Nay, as true as I'm here--"
"You tell me lies--make me stay here--you
tell me lies--" She was passionately indignant.
"As true as I'm standing here--" he
began.
"Lies!--lies!--lies!" she cried.
"I don't believe you, never. You mean, you mean,
mean, mean!"
"A' raïght, then!" he was now
incensed, in his turn.
"You are bad, mean, mean, mean."
"Are yer commin' down?" asked Maurice,
coldly.
"No--I will not come with you--mean, to
tell me lies."
"Are ter commin' down?"
"No, I don't want you."
"A' raïght, then!"
Geoffrey, peering through the holly tree, saw
Maurice negotiating the ladder. The top rung was below the brim of the stack,
and rested on the cloth, so it was dangerous to approach. The Fräulein watched
him from the end of the stack, where the cloth thrown back showed the light,
dry hay. He slipped slightly, she screamed. When he had got on to the ladder,
he pulled the cloth away, throwing it back, making it easy for her to descend.
"Now are ter comin'?" he asked.
"No!" she shook her head violently, in
a pet.
Geoffrey felt slightly contemptuous of her. But
Maurice waited.
"Are ter comin'?" he called again.
"No," she flashed, like a wild cat.
"All right, then I'm going."
He descended. At the bottom, he stood holding
the ladder.
"Come on, while I hold it steady," he
said.
There was no reply. For some minutes he stood
patiently with his foot on the bottom rung of the ladder. He was pale, rather
washed-out in his appearance, and he drew himself together with cold.
"Are ter commin', or aren't ter?" he
asked at length. Still there was no reply.
"Then stop up till tha'rt ready," he
muttered, and he went away. Round the other side of the stacks he met Geoffrey.
"What, are thaïgh here?" he exclaimed.
"Bin here a' naïght," replied
Geoffrey. "I come to help thee wi' th' cloth, but I found it on, an' th'
ladder down, so I thowt tha'd gone."
"Did ter put th' ladder up?"
"I did a bit sin."
Maurice brooded over this, Geoffrey struggled
with himself to get out his own news. At last he blurted:
"Tha knows that woman as wor here yis'day
dinner--'er come back, an' stopped i' th' shed a' night, out o' th' rain."
"Oh--ah!" said Maurice, his eye
kindling, and a smile crossing his pallor.
"An' I s'll gi'e her some breakfast."
"Oh--ah!" repeated Maurice.
"It's th' man as is good-for-nowt, not
her," protested Geoffrey. Maurice did not feel in a position to cast
stones.
"Tha pleases thysen," he said,
"what ter does." He was very quiet, unlike himself. He seemed
bothered and anxious, as Geoffrey had not seen him before.
"What's up wi' thee?" asked the elder
brother, who in his own heart was glad, and relieved.
"Nowt," was the reply.
They went together to the hut. The woman was
folding the blanket. She was fresh from washing, and looked very pretty. Her
hair, instead of being screwed tightly back, was coiled in a knot low down,
partly covering her ears. Before, she had deliberately made herself
plain-looking: now she was neat and pretty, with a sweet, womanly gravity.
"Hello. I didn't think to find you
here," said Maurice, very awkwardly, smiling. She watched him gravely
without reply. "But it was better in shelter than outside, last
night," he added.
"Yes," she replied.
"Shall you get a few more sticks?"
Geoffrey asked him. It was a new thing for Geoffrey to be leader. Maurice
obeyed. He wandered forth into the damp, raw morning. He did not go to the
stack, as he shrank from meeting Paula.
At the mouth of the hut, Geoffrey was making the
fire. The woman got out coffee from the box: Geoffrey set the tin to boil. They
were arranging breakfast when Paula appeared. She was hatless. Bits of hay
stuck in her hair, and she was white-faced--altogether, she did not show to
advantage.
"Ah--you!" she exclaimed, seeing
Geoffrey.
"Hello!" he answered. "You're out
early."
"Where's Maurice?"
"I dunno, he should be back directly."
Paula was silent.
"When have you come?" she asked.
"I come last night, but I could see nobody
about. I got up half an hour sin', an' put th' ladder up ready to take the
stack-cloth up."
Paula understood, and was silent. When Maurice
returned with the faggots, she was crouched warming her hands. She looked up at
him, but he kept his eyes averted from her. Geoffrey met the eyes of Lydia, and
smiled. Maurice put his hands to the fire.
"You cold?" asked Paula tenderly.
"A bit," he answered, quite friendly,
but reserved. And all the while the four sat round the fire, drinking their
smoked coffee, eating each a small piece of toasted bacon, Paula watched
eagerly for the eyes of Maurice, and he avoided her. He was gentle, but would
not give his eyes to her looks. And Geoffrey smiled constantly to Lydia, who
watched gravely.
The German girl succeeded in getting safely into
the Vicarage, her escapade unknown to anyone save the housemaid. Before a week
was out, she was openly engaged to Maurice, and when her month's notice
expired, she went to live at the farm.
Geoffrey and Lydia kept faith one with the
other.
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
Virginia Bodoin had a good job: she was head of
a department in a certain government office, held a responsible position, and
earned, to imitate Balzac and be precise about it, seven hundred and fifty
pounds a year. That is already something. Rachel Bodoin, her mother, had an
income of about six hundred a year, on which she had lived in the capitals of
Europe since the effacement of a never very important husband.
Now, after some years of virtual separation and
"freedom", mother and daughter once more thought of settling down.
They had become, in course of time, more like a married couple than mother and
daughter. They knew one another very well indeed, and each was a little
"nervous" of the other. They had lived together and parted several
times. Virginia was now thirty, and she didn't look like marrying. For four
years she had been as good as married to Henry Lubbock, a rather spoilt young
man who was musical. Then Henry let her down: for two reasons. He couldn't
stand her mother. Her mother couldn't stand him. And anybody whom Mrs Bodoin
could not stand she managed to sit on, disastrously. So Henry had writhed
horribly, feeling his mother-in-law sitting on him tight, and Virginia, after
all, in a helpless sort of family loyalty, sitting alongside her mother.
Virginia didn't really want to sit on Henry. But when her mother egged her on,
she couldn't help it. For ultimately, her mother had power over her; a
strange female power, nothing to do with parental authority.
Virginia had long thrown parental authority to the winds. But her mother had
another, much subtler form of domination, female and thrilling, so that when
Rachel said: Let's squash him! Virginia had to rush wickedly and gleefully to
the sport. And Henry knew quite well when he was being squashed. So that was
one of his reasons for going back on Vinny.--He called her Vinny, to the
superlative disgust of Mrs Bodoin, who always corrected him: My daughter Virginia--
The second reason was, again to be Balzacian,
that Virginia hadn't a sou of her own. Henry had a sorry two hundred and fifty.
Virginia, at the age of twenty-four, was already earning four hundred and
fifty. But she was earning them. Whereas Henry managed to earn about twelve
pounds per annum, by his precious music. He had realized that he would find it
hard to earn more. So that marrying, except with a wife who could keep him, was
rather out of the question. Vinny would inherit her mother's money. But then
Mrs Bodoin had the health and muscular equipment of the Sphinx. She would live
forever, seeking whom she might devour, and devouring him. Henry lived with
Vinny for two years, in the married sense of the words: and Vinny felt
they were married, minus a mere ceremony. But Vinny had her
mother always in the background; often as far back as Paris or Biarritz, but
still, within letter reach. And she never realized the funny little grin that
came on her own elvish face when her mother, even in a letter, spread her
skirts and calmly sat on Henry. She never realized that in spirit she promptly
and mischievously sat on him too: she could no more have helped it than the
tide can help turning to the moon. And she did not dream that he felt it, and
was utterly mortified in his masculine vanity. Women, very often, hypnotize one
another, and then, hypnotized, they proceed gently to wring the neck of the man
they think they are loving with all their hearts. Then they call it utter
perversity on his part, that he doesn't like having his neck wrung. They think
he is repudiating a heart-felt love. For they are hypnotized. Women hypnotize
one another, without knowing it.
In the end, Henry backed out. He saw himself
being simply reduced to nothingness by two women, an old witch with muscles
like the Sphinx, and a young, spell-bound witch, lavish, elvish and weak, who
utterly spoilt him but who ate his marrow.
Rachel would write from Paris: My dear Virginia,
as I had a windfall in the way of an investment, I am sharing it with you. You
will find enclosed my cheque for twenty pounds. No doubt you will be needing it
to buy Henry a suit of clothes, since the spring is apparently come, and the
sunlight may be tempted to show him up for what he is worth. I don't want my
daughter going around with what is presumably a street-corner musician, but
please pay the tailor's bill yourself, or you may have to do it over again
later.--Henry got a suit of clothes, but it was as good as a shirt of Nessus,
eating him away with subtle poison.
So he backed out. He didn't jump out, or bolt,
or carve his way out at the sword's point. He sort of faded out, distributing
his departure over a year or more. He was fond of Vinny, and he could hardly do
without her, and he was sorry for her. But at length he couldn't see her apart
from her mother. She was a young, weak, spendthrift witch, accomplice of her
tough-clawed witch of a mother.
Henry made other alliances, got a good hold on
elsewhere, and gradually extricated himself. He saved his life, but he had
lost, he felt, a good deal of his youth and marrow. He tended now to go fat, a
little puffy, somewhat insignificant. And he had been handsome and
striking-looking.
The two witches howled when he was lost to them.
Poor Virginia was really half crazy, she didn't know what to do with herself.
She had a violent recoil from her mother. Mrs Bodoin was filled with furious
contempt for her daughter: that she should let such a hooked fish slip out of
her hands! that she should allow such a person to turn her down!--"I don't
quite see my daughter seduced and thrown over by a sponging individual such as
Henry Lubbock," she wrote. "But if it has happened, I suppose it is
somebody's fault--"
There was a mutual recoil, which lasted nearly
five years. But the spell was not broken. Mrs Bodoin's mind never left her
daughter, and Virginia was ceaselessly aware of her mother, somewhere in the
universe. They wrote, and met at intervals, but they kept apart in recoil.
The spell, however, was between them, and
gradually it worked. They felt more friendly. Mrs Bodoin came to London. She
stayed in the same quiet hotel with her daughter: Virginia had had two rooms in
an hotel for the past three years. And, at last, they thought of taking an apartment
together.
Virginia was now over thirty. She was still thin
and odd and elvish, with a very slight and piquant cast in one of her brown
eyes, and she still had her odd, twisted smile, and her slow, rather deep-toned
voice, that caressed a man like the stroking of subtle finger-tips. Her hair
was still a natural tangle of curls, a bit dishevelled. She still dressed with
a natural elegance which tended to go wrong and a tiny bit sluttish. She still
might have a hole in her expensive and perfectly new stockings, and still she
might have to take off her shoes in the drawing-room, if she came to tea, and
sit there in her stockinged-feet. True, she had elegant feet: she was
altogether elegantly shaped. But it wasn't that. It was neither coquetry nor
vanity. It was simply that, after having gone to a good shoemaker and paid five
guineas for a pair of perfectly simple and natural shoes, made to her feet, the
said shoes would hurt her excruciatingly, when she had walked half a mile in
them, and she would simply have to take them off, even if she sat on the kerb
to do it. It was a fatality. There was a touch of the gamin in
her very feet, a certain sluttishness that wouldn't let them stay properly in
nice proper shoes. She practically always wore her mother's old shoes.--Of
course I go through life in mother's old shoes. If she died and left me without
a supply, I suppose I should have to go in a bathchair, she would say, with her
odd twisted little grin. She was so elegant, and yet a slut. It was her charm,
really.
Just the opposite of her mother. They could wear
each other's shoes and each other's clothes, which seemed remarkable, for Mrs
Bodoin seemed so much the bigger of the two. But Virginia's shoulders were
broad, if she was thin, she had a strong frame, even when she looked a frail
rag.
Mrs Bodoin was one of those women of sixty or
so, with a terrible inward energy and a violent sort of vitality. But she
managed to hide it. She sat with perfect repose, and folded hands. One thought:
What a calm woman! Just as one may look at the snowy summit of a quiescent
volcano, in the evening light, and think: What peace!
It was a strange muscular energy
which possessed Mrs Bodoin, as it possesses, curiously enough, many women over
fifty, and is usually distasteful in its manifestations. Perhaps it accounts
for the lassitude of the young.
But Mrs Bodoin recognized the bad taste in her
energetic coevals, so she cultivated repose. Her very way of pronouncing the
word, in two syllables: re-pose, making the second syllable run on into the
twilight, showed how much suppressed energy she had. Faced with the problem of
iron-grey hair and black eyebrows, she was too clever to try dyeing herself
back into youth. She studied her face, her whole figure, and decided that it
was positive. There was no denying it. There was no wispiness,
no hollowness, no limp frail blossom-on-a-bending-stalk about her. Her figure,
though not stout, was full, strong, and cambré. Her face had
an aristocratic arched nose, aristocratic, who-the-devil-are-you grey eyes, and
cheeks rather long but also rather full. Nothing appealing or youthfully
skittish here.
Like an independent woman, she used her wits,
and decided most emphatically not to be either youthful or skittish or
appealing. She would keep her dignity, for she was fond of it. She was
positive. She liked to be positive. She was used to her positivity. So she
would just be positive.
She turned to the positive period; to the
eighteenth century, to Voltaire, to Ninon de l'Enclos and the Pompadour, to
Madame la Duchesse and Monsieur le Marquis. She decided that she was not much
in the line of la Pompadour or la Duchesse, but almost exactly in the line of
Monsieur le Marquis. And she was right. With hair silvering to white, brushed
back clean from her positive brow and temples, cut short, but sticking out a
little behind, with her rather full, pink face and thin black eyebrows plucked
to two fine, superficial crescents, her arching nose and her rather full
insolent eyes she was perfectly eighteenth-century, the early half. That she
was Monsieur le Marquis rather than Madame la Marquise made her really modern.
Her appearance was perfect. She wore delicate
combinations of grey and pink, maybe with a darkening iron-grey touch, and her
jewels were of soft old coloured paste. Her bearing was a sort of alert repose,
very calm, but very assured. There was, to use a vulgarism, no getting past
her.
She had a couple of thousand pounds she could
lay hands on. Virginia, of course, was always in debt. But, after all, Virginia
was not to be sniffed at. She made seven hundred and fifty a year.
Virginia was oddly clever, and not clever. She
didn't really know anything, because anything and everything
was interesting to her for the moment, and she picked it up at once. She picked
up languages with extraordinary ease, she was fluent in a fortnight. This
helped her enormously with her job. She could prattle away with heads of
industry, let them come from where they liked. But she didn't know any
language, not even her own. She picked things up in her sleep, so to speak,
without knowing anything about them.
And this made her popular with men. With all her
curious facility, they didn't feel small in front of her, because she was like
an instrument. She had to be prompted. Some man had to set her in motion, and
then she worked, really cleverly. She could collect the most valuable
information. She was very useful. She worked with men, spent most of her time
with men, her friends were practically all men. She didn't feel easy with women.
Yet she had no lover, nobody seemed eager to
marry her, nobody seemed eager to come close to her at all. Mrs Bodoin said:
I'm afraid Virginia is a one-man woman. I am a one-man woman. So was my mother,
and so was my grandmother. Virginia's father was the only man in my life, the
only one. And I'm afraid Virginia is the same, tenacious. Unfortunately, the
man was what he was, and her life is just left there.
Henry had said, in the past, that Mrs Bodoin
wasn't a one-man woman, she was a no-man woman, and that if she could have had
her way, everything male would have been wiped off the face of the earth, and
only the female element left.
However, Mrs Bodoin thought that it was now time
to make a move. So she and Virginia took a quite handsome apartment in one of
the old Bloomsbury Squares, fitted it up and furnished it with extreme care,
and with some quite lovely things, got in a very good man, an Austrian, to
cook, and they set up married life together, mother and daughter.
At first it was rather thrilling. The two
reception-rooms, looking down on the dirty old trees of the square garden, were
of splendid proportions, and each with three great windows coming down low,
almost to the level of the knees. The chimney-piece was late
eighteenth-century. Mrs Bodoin furnished the rooms with a gentle suggestion of
Louis Seize merged with Empire, without keeping to any particular style. But
she had, saved from her own home, a really remarkable Aubusson carpet. It
looked almost new, as if it had been woven two years ago, and was startling,
yet somehow rather splendid, as it spread its rose-red borders and wonderful
florid array of silver-grey and gold-grey roses, lilies and gorgeous swans and
trumpeting volutes away over the floor. Very aesthetic people found it rather
loud, they preferred the worn, dim yellowish Aubusson in the big bedroom. But
Mrs Bodoin loved her drawing-room carpet. It was positive, but it was not
vulgar. It had a certain grand air in its floridity. She felt it gave her a
proper footing. And it behaved very well with her painted cabinets and
grey-and-gold brocade chairs and big Chinese vases, which she liked to fill
with big flowers: single Chinese peonies, big roses, great tulips, orange
lilies. The dim room of London, with all its atmospheric colour, would stand
the big, free, fisticuffing flowers.
Virginia, for the first time in her life, had
the pleasure of making a home. She was again entirely under her mother's spell,
and swept away, thrilled to her marrow. She had had no idea that her mother had
got such treasures as the carpets and painted cabinets and brocade chairs up
her sleeve: many of them the débris of the Fitzpatrick home in Ireland, Mrs
Bodoin being a Fitzpatrick. Almost like a child, like a bride, Virginia threw
herself into the business of fixing up the rooms. "Of course, Virginia, I
consider this is your apartment," said Mrs Bodoin.
"I am nothing but your dame de compagnie, and shall carry
out your wishes entirely, if you will only express them."
Of course Virginia expressed a few, but not
many. She introduced some wild pictures bought from impecunious artists whom
she patronized. Mrs Bodoin thought the pictures positive about the wrong
things, but as far as possible, she let them stay: looking on them as the
necessary element of modern ugliness. But by that element of modern ugliness,
wilfully so, it was easy to see the things that Virginia had introduced into
the apartment.
Perhaps nothing goes to the head like setting up
house. You can get drunk on it. You feel you are creating something. Nowadays
it is no longer the "home", the domestic nest. It is "my
rooms", or "my house", the great garment which reveals and
clothes "my personality". Mrs Bodoin, deliberately scheming for
Virginia, kept moderately cool over it, but even she was thrilled to the
marrow, and of an intensity and ferocity with the decorators and furnishers,
astonishing. But Virginia was just all the time tipsy with it, as if she had
touched some magic button on the grey wall of life, and with an Open Sesame!
her lovely and coloured rooms had begun to assemble out of fairyland. It was
far more vivid and wonderful to her than if she had inherited a duchy.
The mother and daughter, the mother in a sort of
faded russet crimson and the daughter in silver, began to entertain. They had,
of course, mostly men. It filled Mrs Bodoin with a sort of savage impatience to
entertain women. Besides, most of Virginia's acquaintances were men. So there
were dinners and well-arranged evenings.
It went well, but something was missing. Mrs
Bodoin wanted to be gracious, so she held herself rather back. She stayed a
little distant, was calm, reposed, eighteenth-century, and determined to be a
foil to the clever and slightly-elvish Virginia. It was a pose, and alas, it
stopped something. She was very nice with the men, no matter what her contempt
of them. But the men were uneasy with her: afraid.
What they all felt, all the men guests, was
that for them, nothing really happened. Everything that
happened was between mother and daughter. All the flow was between mother and
daughter. A subtle, hypnotic spell encompassed the two women, and try as they
might, the men were shut out. More than one young man, a little dazzled, began to
fall in love with Virginia. But it was impossible. Not only was he shut out, he
was, in some way, annihilated. The spontaneity was killed in his bosom. While
the two women sat, brilliant and rather wonderful, in magnetic connection at
opposite ends of the table, like two witches, a double Circe turning the men
not into swine--the men would have liked that well enough--but into lumps.
It was tragic. Because Mrs Bodoin wanted
Virginia to fall in love and marry. She really wanted it, and she attributed
Virginia's lack of forthcoming to the delinquent Henry. She never realized the
hypnotic spell, which of course encompassed her as well as Virginia, and made
men just an impossibility to both women, mother and daughter alike.
At this time, Mrs Bodoin hid her humour. She had
a really marvellous faculty of humorous imitation. She could imitate the Irish
servants from her old home, or the American women who called on her, or the
modern lady-like young men, the asphodels, as she called them: "Of course
you know the asphodel is a kind of onion! Oh yes, just an over-bred
onion": who wanted, with their murmuring voices and peeping under their
brows, to make her feel very small and very bourgeois. She could imitate them
all with a humour that was really touched with genius. But it was devastating.
It demolished the objects of her humour so absolutely, smashed them to bits
with a ruthless hammer, pounded them to nothing so terribly, that it frightened
people, particularly men. It frightened men off.
So she hid it. She hid it. But there it was, up
her sleeve, her merciless, hammer-like humour, which just smashed its object on
the head and left him brained. She tried to disown it. She tried to pretend,
even to Virginia, that she had the gift no more. But in vain; the hammer hidden
up her sleeve hovered over the head of every guest, and every guest felt his
scalp creep, and Virginia felt her inside creep with a little, mischievous,
slightly idiotic grin, as still another fool male was mystically knocked on the
head. It was a sort of uncanny sport.
No, the plan was not going to work: the plan of
having Virginia fall in love and marry. Of course the men were such
lumps, such oeufs farcies. There was one, at least, that Mrs
Bodoin had real hopes of. He was a healthy and normal and very good-looking boy
of good family, with no money, alas, but clerking to the House of Lords and
very hopeful, and not very clever, but simply in love with Virginia's
cleverness. He was just the one Mrs Bodoin would have married for herself.
True, he was only twenty-six, to Virginia's thirty-one. But he had rowed in the
Oxford eight, and adored horses, talked horses adorably, and was simply
infatuated by Virginia's cleverness. To him Virginia had the finest mind on
earth. She was as wonderful as Plato, but infinitely more attractive, because
she was a woman, and winsome with it. Imagine a winsome Plato with untidy curls
and the tiniest little brown-eyed squint and just a hint of woman's pathetic
need for a protector, and you may imagine Adrian's feeling for Virginia. He
adored her on his knees, but he felt he could protect her.
"Of course he's just a very nice boy!"
said Mrs Bodoin. "He's a boy, and that's all you can say. And he always
will be a boy. But that's the very nicest kind of man, the only kind you can
live with: the eternal boy. Virginia, aren't you attracted to him?"
"Yes, Mother! I think he's an awfully
nice boy, as you say," replied Virginia, in her rather slow,
musical, whimsical voice. But the mocking little curl in the intonation put the
lid on Adrian. Virginia was not marrying a nice boy! She could be
malicious too, against her mother's taste. And Mrs Bodoin let escape her a
faint gesture of impatience.
For she had been planning her own retreat,
planning to give Virginia the apartment outright, and half of her own income,
if she would marry Adrian. Yes, the mother was already scheming how best she
could live with dignity on three hundred a year, once Virginia was happily
married to that most attractive if slightly brainless boy.
A year later, when Virginia was thirty-two,
Adrian, who had married a wealthy American girl and been transferred to a job
in the legation at Washington in the meantime, faithfully came to see Virginia
as soon as he was in London, faithfully kneeled at her feet, faithfully thought
her the most wonderful spiritual being, and faithfully felt that she, Virginia,
could have done wonders with him, which wonders would now never be done, for he
had married in the meantime.
Virginia was looking haggard and worn. The
scheme of a ménage à deux with her mother had not succeeded.
And now, work was telling on the younger woman. It is true, she was amazingly
facile. But facility wouldn't get her all the way. She had to earn her money,
and earn it hard. She had to slog, and she had to concentrate. While she could
work by quick intuition and without much responsibility, work thrilled her. But
as soon as she had to get down to it, as they say, grip and slog and
concentrate, in a really responsible position, it wore her out terribly. She
had to do it all off her nerves. She hadn't the same sort of fighting power as
a man. Where a man can summon his old Adam in him to fight through his work, a
woman has to draw on her nerves, and on her nerves alone. For the old Eve in
her will have nothing to do with such work. So that mental responsibility,
mental concentration, mental slogging wear out a woman terribly, especially if
she is head of a department, and not working for somebody.
So poor Virginia was worn out. She was thin as a
rail. Her nerves were frayed to bits. And she could never forget her beastly
work. She would come home at teatime speechless and done for. Her mother,
tortured by the sight of her, longed to say: Has anything gone wrong, Virginia?
Have you had anything particularly trying at the office today?--But she learned
to hold her tongue, and say nothing. The question would be the last straw to
Virginia's poor overwrought nerves, and there would be a little scene which,
despite Mrs Bodoin's calm and forbearance, offended the elder woman to the
quick. She had learned, by bitter experience, to leave her child alone, as one
would leave a frail tube of vitriol alone. But of course, she could not keep
her mind off Virginia. That was impossible. And poor Virginia,
under the strain of work and the strain of her mother's awful ceaseless mind,
was at the very end of her strength and resources.
Mrs Bodoin had always disliked the fact of
Virginia's doing a job. But now she hated it. She hated the whole government
office with violent and virulent hate. Not only was it undignified for Virginia
to be tied up there, but it was turning her, Mrs Bodoin's daughter, into a
thin, nagging, fearsome old maid. Could anything be more utterly English and
humiliating to a well-born Irishwoman?
After a long day attending to the apartment,
skilfully darning one of the brocade chairs, polishing the Venetian mirrors to
her satisfaction, selecting flowers, doing certain shopping and housekeeping,
attending perfectly to everything, then receiving callers in the afternoon,
with never-ending energy, Mrs Bodoin would go up from the drawing-room after tea
and write a few letters, take her bath, dress with great care--she enjoyed
attending to her person--and come down to dinner as fresh as a daisy, but far
more energetic than that quiet flower. She was ready now for a full evening.
She was conscious, with gnawing anxiety, of
Virginia's presence in the house, but she did not see her daughter till dinner
was announced. Virginia slipped in, and away to her room unseen, never going
into the drawing-room to tea. If Mrs Bodoin heard her daughter's key in the latch,
she quickly retired into one of the rooms till Virginia was safely through. It
was too much for poor Virginia's nerves even to catch sight of anybody in the
house, when she came in from the office. Bad enough to hear the murmur of
visitors' voices behind the drawing-room door.
And Mrs Bodoin would wonder: How is she? How is
she to-night? I wonder what sort of a day she's had?--And this thought would
roam prowling through the house, to where Virginia was lying on her back in her
room. But the mother would have to consume her anxiety till dinner-time. And
then Virginia would appear, with black lines under her eyes, thin, tense, a
young woman out of an office, the stigma upon her: badly dressed, a little acid
in humour, with an impaired digestion, not interested in anything, blighted by
her work. And Mrs Bodoin, humiliated at the very sight of her, would control
herself perfectly, say nothing but the mere smooth nothings of casual speech,
and sit in perfect form presiding at a carefully-cooked dinner thought out
entirely to please Virginia. Then Virginia hardly noticed what she ate.
Mrs Bodoin was pining for an evening with life
in it. But Virginia would lie on the couch and put on the loudspeaker. Or she
would put a humorous record on the gramophone, and be amused, and hear it
again, and be amused, and hear it again, six times, and six times be amused by
a mildly funny record that Mrs Bodoin now knew off by heart. "Why,
Virginia, I could repeat that record over to you, if you wished it, without
your troubling to wind up that gramophone."--And Virginia, after a pause
in which she seemed not to have heard what her mother said, would reply,
"I'm sure you could, mother". And that simple speech would convey
such volumes of contempt for all that Rachel Bodoin was or ever could be or
ever had been, contempt for her energy, her vitality, her mind, her body, her
very existence, that the elder woman would curl. It seemed as if the ghost of
Robert Bodoin spoke out of the mouth of the daughter, in deadly venom.--Then
Virginia would put on the record for the seventh time.
During the second ghastly year, Mrs Bodoin
realized that the game was up. She was a beaten woman, a woman without object
or meaning any more. The hammer of her awful female humour, which had knocked
so many people on the head, all the people, in fact, that she had come into
contact with, had at last flown backwards and hit herself on the head. For her
daughter was her other self, her alter ego. The secret and the
meaning and the power of Mrs Bodoin's whole life lay in the hammer, that hammer
of her living humour which knocked everything on the head. That had been her
lust and her passion, knocking everybody and everything humorously on the head.
She had felt inspired in it: it was a sort of mission. And she had hoped to
hand on the hammer to Virginia, her clever, unsolid but still actual daughter,
Virginia. Virginia was the continuation of Rachel's own self. Virginia was
Rachel's alter ego, her other self.
But, alas, it was a half-truth. Virginia had had
a father. This fact, which had been utterly ignored by the mother, was
gradually brought home to her by the curious recoil of the hammer. Virginia was
her father's daughter. Could anything be more unseemly, horrid, more perverse
in the natural scheme of things? For Robert Bodoin had been fully and
deservedly knocked on the head by Rachel's hammer. Could anything, then, be
more disgusting than that he should resurrect again in the person of Mrs
Bodoin's own daughter, her own alter ego Virginia, and start
hitting back with a little spiteful hammer that was David's pebble against
Goliath's battle-axe!
But the little pebble was mortal. Mrs Bodoin
felt it sink into her brow, her temple, and she was finished. The hammer fell
nerveless from her hand.
The two women were now mostly alone. Virginia
was too tired to have company in the evening. So there was the gramophone or
loudspeaker, or else silence. Both women had come to loathe the apartment.
Virginia felt it was the last grand act of bullying on her mother's part, she felt
bullied by the assertive Aubusson carpet, by the beastly Venetian mirrors, by
the big overcultured flowers. She even felt bullied by the excellent food, and
longed again for a Soho restaurant and her two poky shabby rooms in the hotel.
She loathed the apartment: she loathed everything. But she had not the energy
to move. She had not the energy to do anything. She crawled to her work, and
for the rest, she lay flat, gone.
It was Virginia's worn-out inertia that really
finished Mrs Bodoin. That was the pebble that broke the bone of her temple:
"To have to attend my daughter's funeral, and accept the sympathy of all
her fellow-clerks in her office, no, that is a final humiliation which I must
spare myself. No! If Virginia must be a lady-clerk, she must be it henceforth
on her own responsibility. I will retire from her existence."
Mrs Bodoin had tried hard to persuade Virginia
to give up her work and come and live with her. She had offered her half her
income. In vain. Virginia stuck to her office.
Very well! So be it!--The apartment was a
fiasco, Mrs Bodoin was longing, longing to tear it to pieces again. One last
and final blow of the hammer!--"Virginia, don't you think we'd better get
rid of this apartment, and live around as we used to? Don't you think we'll do
that?"--"But all the money you've put into it? And the lease for ten
years!" cried Virginia, in a kind of inertia.--"Never mind! We had
the pleasure of making it. And we've had as much pleasure out of living in it
as we shall ever have. Now we'd better get rid of it--quickly--don't you
think?"
Mrs Bodoin's arms were twitching to snatch the
pictures off the walls, roll up the Aubusson carpet, take the china out of the
ivory-inlaid cabinet there and then, at that very moment.
"Let us wait till Sunday before we
decide," said Virginia.
"Till Sunday! Four days! As long as that?
Haven't we already decided in our own minds?" said Mrs Bodoin.
"We'll wait till Sunday, anyhow," said
Virginia.
The next evening, the Armenian came to dinner.
Virginia called him Arnold, with the French pronunciation, Arnault. Mrs Bodoin,
who barely tolerated him, and could never get his name, which seemed to have a
lot of bouyoums in it, called him either the Armenian, or the Rahat Lakoum,
after the name of the sweetmeat, or simply The Turkish Delight.
"Arnault is coming to dinner to-night,
Mother."
"Really! The Turkish Delight is coming here
to dinner? Shall I provide anything special?"--Her voice sounded as if she
would suggest snails in aspic.
"I don't think so."
Virginia had seen a good deal of the Armenian at
the office, when she had to negotiate with him on behalf of the Board of Trade.
He was a man of about sixty, a merchant, had been a millionaire, was ruined
during the war, but was now coming on again, and represented trade in Bulgaria.
He wanted to negotiate with the British Government, and the British Government
sensibly negotiated with him: at first through the medium of Virginia. Now
things were going satisfactorily between Monsieur Arnault, as Virginia called
him, and the Board of Trade, so that a sort of friendship had followed the
official relations.
The Turkish Delight was sixty, grey-haired and
fat. He had numerous grandchildren growing up in Bulgaria, but he was a
widower. He had a grey moustache cut like a brush, and glazed brown eyes over
which hung heavy lids with white lashes. His manner was humble, but in his
bearing there was a certain dogged conceit. One notices the combination
sometimes in Jews. He had been very wealthy and kow-towed to, he had been
ruined and humiliated, terribly humiliated, and now, doggedly, he was rising up
again, his sons backing him, away in Bulgaria. One felt he was not alone. He
had his sons, his family, his tribe behind him, away in the Near East.
He spoke bad English, but fairly fluent guttural
French. He did not speak much, but he sat. He sat, with his short, fat thighs,
as if for eternity, there. There was a strange potency in his
fat immobile sitting, as if his posterior were connected with the very centre
of the earth. And his brain, spinning away at the one point in question,
business, was very agile. Business absorbed him. But not in a nervous, personal
way. Somehow the family, the tribe was always felt behind him. It was business
for the family, the tribe.
With the English he was humble, for the English
like such aliens to be humble, and he had had a long schooling from the Turks.
And he was always an outsider. Nobody would ever take any notice of him in
society. He would just be an outsider, sitting.
"I hope, Virginia, you won't ask that
Turkish-carpet gentleman when we have other people. I can bear
it," said Mrs Bodoin. "Some people might mind."
"Isn't it hard when you can't choose your
own company in your own house!" mocked Virginia.
"No! I don't care. I can
meet anything; and I'm sure, in the way of selling Turkish carpets, your
acquaintance is very good. But I don't suppose you look on him as a personal
friend--?"
"I do. I like him quite a lot."
"Well--! as you will. But consider
your other friends."
Mrs Bodoin was really mortified this time. She
looked on the Armenian as one looks on the fat Levantine in a fez who tries to
sell one hideous tapestries at Port Said, or on the sea-front at Nice, as being
outside the class of human beings, and in the class of insects. That he had been
a millionaire, and might be a millionaire again, only added venom to her
feeling of disgust at being forced into contact with such scum. She could not
even squash him, or annihilate him. In scum, there is nothing to squash, for
scum is only the unpleasant residue of that which was never anything but
squashed.
However, she was not quite just. True, he was
fat, and he sat, with short thighs, like a toad, as if seated for a toad's
eternity. His colour was of a dirty sort of paste, his black eyes were glazed
under heavy lids. And he never spoke until spoken to, waiting in his toad's
silence, like a slave.
But his thick, fine white hair, which stood up
on his head like a soft brush, was curiously virile. And his curious small
hands, of the same soft dull paste, had a peculiar, fat, soft masculine
breeding of their own. And his dull brown eye could glint with the subtlety of
serpents, under the white brush of eyelash. He was tired, but he was not
defeated. He had fought, and won, and lost, and was fighting again, always at a
disadvantage. He belonged to a defeated race which accepts defeat, but which
gets its own back by cunning. He was the father of sons, the head of a family,
one of the heads of a defeated but indestructible tribe. He was not alone, and
so you could not lay your finger on him. His whole consciousness was
patriarchal and tribal. And somehow, he was humble, but he was indestructible.
At dinner he sat half-effaced, humble, yet with
the conceit of the humble. His manners were perfectly good, rather French.
Virginia chattered to him in French, and he replied with that peculiar
nonchalance of the boulevards, which was the only manner he could command when
speaking French. Mrs Bodoin understood, but she was what one would call a
heavy-footed linguist, so when she said anything, it was intensely in English.
And the Turkish Delight replied in his clumsy English, hastily. It was not his
fault that French was being spoken. It was Virginia's.
He was very humble, conciliatory, with Mrs
Bodoin. But he cast at her sometimes that rapid glint of a reptilian glance as
if to say: Yes! I see you! You are a handsome figure. As an objet de
vertu you are almost perfect.--Thus his connoisseur's,
antique-dealer's eye would appraise her. But then his thick white eyebrows would
seem to add: But what, under holy Heaven, are you as a woman? You are neither
wife nor mother nor mistress, you have no perfume of sex, you are more dreadful
than a Turkish soldier or an English official. No man on earth could embrace
you. You are a ghoul, you are a strange genie from the underworld!--And he
would secretly invoke the holy names, to shield him.
Yet he was in love with Virginia. He saw, first
and foremost, the child in her, as if she were a lost child in the gutter, a
waif with a faint, fascinating cast in her brown eyes, waiting till someone
would pick her up. A fatherless waif! And he was tribal father, father through
all the ages.
Then, on the other hand, he knew her peculiar
disinterested cleverness in affairs. That, too, fascinated him: that odd,
almost second-sight cleverness about business, and entirely impersonal,
entirely in the air. It seemed to him very strange. But it would be an immense
help to him in his schemes. He did not really understand the English. He was at
sea with them. But with her, he would have a clue to everything. For she was,
finally, quite a somebody among these English, these English officials.
He was about sixty. His family was established,
in the East, his grandsons were growing up. It was necessary for him to live in
London, for some years. This girl would be useful. She had no money, save what
she would inherit from her mother. But he would risk that: she would be an
investment in his business. And then the apartment. He liked the apartment
extremely. He recognized the cachet, and the lilies and swans
of the Aubusson carpet really did something to him. Virginia said to him:
Mother gave me the apartment.--So he looked on that as safe. And finally,
Virginia was almost a virgin, probably quite a virgin, and, as far as the
paternal oriental male like himself was concerned, entirely virgin. He had a
very small idea of the silly puppy-sexuality of the English, so different from
the prolonged male voluptuousness of his own pleasures. And last of all, he was
physically lonely, getting old, and tired.
Virginia of course did not know why she liked
being with Arnault. Her cleverness was amazingly stupid when it came to life,
to living. She said he was "quaint". She said his nonchalant French
of the boulevards was "amusing". She found his business cunning
"intriguing", and the glint in his dark glazed eyes, under the white,
thick lashes, "sheiky". She saw him quite often, had tea with him in
his hotel, and motored with him one day down to the sea.
When he took her hand in his own soft still
hands, there was something so caressing, so possessive in his touch, so strange
and positive in his leaning towards her, that though she trembled with fear,
she was helpless.--"But you are so thin, dear little thin thing, you need repose,
repose, for the blossom to open, poor little blossom, to become a little
fat!" he said in his French.
She quivered, and was helpless. It certainly was
quaint! He was so strange and positive, he seemed to have all the power. The
moment he realized that she would succumb into his power, he took full charge
of the situation, he lost all his hesitation and his humility. He did not want
just to make love to her: he wanted to marry her, for all his multifarious
reasons. And he must make himself master of her.
He put her hand to his lips, and seemed to draw
her life to his in kissing her thin hand. "The poor child is tired, she
needs repose, she needs to be caressed and cared for," he said in his
French. And he drew nearer to her.
She looked up in dread at his glinting, tired
dark eyes under the white lashes. But he used all his will, looking back at her
heavily and calculating that she must submit. And he brought his body quite
near to her, and put his hand softly on her face, and made her lay her face
against his breast, as he soothingly stroked her arm with his other hand,
"Dear little thing! dear little thing! Arnault loves her so dearly!
Arnault loves her! Perhaps she will marry her Arnault. Dear little girl,
Arnault will put flowers in her life, and make her life perfumed with sweetness
and content."
She leaned against his breast and let him caress
her. She gave a fleeting, half poignant, half vindictive thought to her mother.
Then she felt in the air the sense of destiny, destiny. Oh so nice, not to have
to struggle. To give way to destiny.
"Will she marry her old Arnault? Eh? Will
she marry him?" he asked in a soothing, caressing voice, at the same time
compulsive.
She lifted her head and looked at him: the thick
white brows, the glinting, tired dark eyes. How queer and comic! How comic to
be in his power! And he was looking a little baffled.
"Shall I?" she said, with her
mischievous twist of a grin.
"Mais oui!" he said, with all the sang
froid of his old eyes. "Mais oui! Je te contenterai, tu le verras."
"Tu me contenteras!" she said, with a
flickering smile of real amusement at his assurance. "Will you really
content me?"
"But surely! I assure it you. And you will
marry me?"
"You must tell mother," she said, and
hid wickedly against his waistcoat again, while the male pride triumphed in
him.
Mrs Bodoin had no idea that Virginia was
intimate with the Turkish Delight: she did not inquire into her daughter's
movements. During the famous dinner, she was calm and a little aloof, but
entirely self-possessed. When, after coffee, Virginia left her alone with the
Turkish Delight, she made no effort at conversation, only glanced at the rather
short, stout man in correct dinner-jacket, and thought how his sort of fatness
called for a fez and the full muslin breeches of a bazaar merchant in The
Thief of Baghdad.
"Do you really prefer to smoke a
hookah?" she asked him, with a slow drawl.
"What is a hookah, please?"
"One of those water-pipes. Don't you all
smoke them, in the East?"
He only looked mystified and humble, and silence
resumed. She little knew what was simmering inside his stillness.
"Madame," he said, "I want to ask
you something."
"You do? Then why not ask it?" came
her slightly melancholy drawl.
"Yes! It is this. I wish I may have the
honour to marry your daughter. She is willing."
There was a moment's blank pause. Then Mrs
Bodoin leaned towards him from her distance, with curious portentousness.
"What was that you said?" she asked.
"Repeat it!"
"I wish I may have the honour to marry your
daughter. She is willing to take me."
His dark, glazed eyes looked at her, then
glanced away again. Still leaning forward, she gazed fixedly on him, as if
spellbound, turned to stone. She was wearing pink topaz ornaments, but he
judged they were paste, moderately good.
"Did I hear you say she is willing to take
you?" came the slow, melancholy, remote voice.
"Madame, I think so," he said, with a
bow.
"I think we'll wait till she comes,"
she said, leaning back.
There was silence. She stared at the ceiling. He
looked closely round the room, at the furniture, at the china in the
ivory-inlaid cabinet.
"I can settle five thousand pounds on
Mademoiselle Virginia, Madame," came his voice. "Am I correct to
assume that she will bring this apartment and its appointments into the
marriage settlement?"
Absolute silence. He might as well have been on
the moon. But he was a good sitter. He just sat until Virginia came in.
Mrs Bodoin was still staring at the ceiling. The
iron had entered her soul finally and fully. Virginia glanced at her, but said:
"Have a whisky-and-soda, Arnault?"
He rose and came towards the decanters, and
stood beside her: a rather squat, stout man with white head, silent with
misgiving. There was the fizz of the syphon: then they came to their chairs.
"Arnault has spoken to you, Mother?"
said Virginia.
Mrs Bodoin sat up straight, and gazed at
Virginia with big, owlish eyes, haggard. Virginia was terrified, yet a little
thrilled. Her mother was beaten.
"Is it true, Virginia, that you are willing to
marry this--oriental gentleman?" asked Mrs Bodoin slowly.
"Yes, Mother, quite true," said
Virginia, in her teasing soft voice.
Mrs Bodoin looked owlish and dazed.
"May I be excused from having any part in
it, or from having anything to do with your future husband--I mean
having any business to transact with him?" she asked dazedly, in her slow,
distinct voice.
"Why, of course!" said Virginia,
frightened, smiling oddly.
There was a pause. Then Mrs Bodoin, feeling old
and haggard, pulled herself together again.
"Am I to understand that your future
husband would like to possess this apartment?" came her voice.
Virginia smiled quickly and crookedly. Arnault
just sat, planted on his posterior, and heard. She reposed on him.
"Well--perhaps!" said Virginia.
"Perhaps he would like to know that I possessed it." She looked at
him.
Arnault nodded gravely.
"And do you wish to
possess it?" came Mrs Bodoin's slow voice. "If it your intention
to inhabit it, with your husband?" She put
eternities into her long, stressed words.
"Yes, I think it is," said Virginia.
"You know you said the apartment was mine, Mother."
"Very well! It shall be so. I shall send my
lawyer to this--oriental gentleman, if you will leave written instructions on
my writing-table. May I ask when you think of getting--married?"
"When do you think, Arnault?" said
Virginia.
"Shall it be, in two weeks?" he said,
sitting erect, with his fists on his knees.
"In about a fortnight, Mother," said
Virginia.
"I have heard! In two weeks! Very well! In
two weeks everything shall be at your disposal. And now, please excuse
me." She rose, made a slight general bow, and moved calmly and dimly from
the room. It was killing her, that she could not shriek aloud and beat that
Levantine out of the house. But she couldn't. She had imposed the restraint on
herself.
Arnault stood and looked with glistening eyes
round the room. It would be his. When his sons came to England, here he would
receive them.
He looked at Virginia. She too was white and
haggard, now. And she hung away from him, as if in resentment. She resented the
defeat of her mother. She was still capable of dismissing him for ever, and
going back to her mother.
"Your mother is a wonderful lady," he
said, going to Virginia and taking her hand. "But she has no husband to
shelter her, she is unfortunate. I am sorry she will be alone. I should be
happy if she would like to stay here with us."
The sly old fox knew what he was about.
"I'm afraid there's no hope of that,"
said Virginia, with a return to her old irony.
She sat on the couch, and he caressed her softly
and paternally, and the very incongruity of it, there in her mother's
drawing-room, amused her. And because he saw that the things in the
drawing-room were handsome and valuable, and now they were his, his blood
flushed and he caressed the thin girl at his side with passion, because she
represented these valuable surroundings, and brought them to his possession.
And he said: "And with me you will be very comfortable, very content, oh,
I shall make you content, not like Madame your mother. And you will get fatter,
and bloom like the rose. I shall make you bloom like the rose. And shall we say
next week, hein? Shall it be next week, next Wednesday, that we marry?
Wednesday is a good day. Shall it be then?"
"Very well!" said Virginia, caressed
again into a luxurious sense of destiny, reposing on fate, having to make no
effort, no more effort, all her life.
Mrs Bodoin moved into an hotel next day, and
came into the apartment to pack up and extricate herself and her immediate
personal belongings only when Virginia was necessarily absent. She and her
daughter communicated by letter, as far as was necessary.
And in five days' time Mrs Bodoin was clear. All
business that could be settled was settled, all her trunks were removed. She
had five trunks, and that was all. Denuded and outcast, she would depart to
Paris, to live out the rest of her days.
The last day, she waited in the drawing-room
till Virginia should come home. She sat there in her hat and street things,
like a stranger.
"I just waited to say good-bye," she
said. "I leave in the morning for Paris. This is my address. I think
everything is settled; if not, let me know and I'll attend to it. Well,
good-bye!--and I hope you'll be very happy!"
She dragged out the last words sinisterly; which
restored Virginia, who was beginning to lose her head.
"Why, I think I may be," said
Virginia, with the twist of a smile.
"I shouldn't wonder," said Mrs Bodoin
pointedly and grimly. "I think the Armenian grandpapa knows very well what
he's about. You're just the harem type, after all." The words came slowly,
dropping, each with a plop! of deep contempt.
"I suppose I am! Rather fun!" said
Virginia. "But I wonder where I got it? Not from you, Mother--" she
drawled mischievously.
"I should say not."
"Perhaps daughters go by contraries, like
dreams," mused Virginia wickedly. "All the harem was left out of you,
so perhaps it all had to be put back into me."
Mrs Bodoin flashed a look at her.
"You have all my pity!"
she said.
"Thank you, dear. You have just a bit of
mine."
NEW EVE AND OLD ADAM
I
"After all," she said, with a little
laugh, "I can't see it was so wonderful of you to hurry home to me, if you
are so cross when you do come."
"You would rather I stayed away?" he
asked.
"I wouldn't mind."
"You would rather I had stayed a day or two
in Paris--or a night or two."
She burst into a jeering "pouf!" of
laughter.
"You!" she cried. "You and
Parisian Nights' Entertainment! What a fool you would look."
"Still," he said, "I could
try."
"You would!" she mocked.
"You would go dribbling up to a woman. 'Please take me--my wife is so
unkind to me!'"
He drank his tea in silence. They had been
married a year. They had married quickly, for love. And during the last three
months there had gone on almost continuously that battle between them which so
many married people fight, without knowing why. Now it had begun again. He felt
the physical sickness rising in him. Somewhere down in his belly the big,
feverish pulse began to beat, where was the inflamed place caused by the conflict
between them.
She was a beautiful woman of about thirty, fair,
luxuriant, with proud shoulders and a face borne up by a fierce, native
vitality. Her green eyes had a curiously puzzled contraction just now. She sat
leaning on the table against the tea-tray, absorbed. It was as if she battled
with herself in him. Her green dress reflected in the silver, against the red
of the firelight. Leaning abstractedly forward, she pulled some primroses from
the bowl, and threaded them at intervals in the plait which bound round her
head in the peasant fashion. So, with her little starred fillet of flowers,
there was something of the Gretchen about her. But her eyes retained the
curious half-smile.
Suddenly her face lowered gloomily. She sank her
beautiful arms, laying them on the table. Then she sat almost sullenly, as if
she would not give in. He was looking away out of the window. With a quick
movement she glanced down at her hands. She took off her wedding-ring, reached
to the bowl for a long flower-stalk, and shook the ring glittering round and
round upon it, regarding the spinning gold, and spinning it as if she would
spurn it. Yet there was something about her of a fretful, naughty child as she
did so.
The man sat by the fire, tired, but tense. His
body seemed so utterly still because of the tension in which it was held. His
limbs, thin and vigorous, lay braced like a listening thing, always vivid for
action, yet held perfectly still. His face was set and expressionless. The wife
was all the time, in spite of herself, conscious of him, as if the cheek that
was turned towards him had a sense which perceived him. They were both rendered
elemental, like impersonal forces, by the battle and the suffering.
She rose and went to the window. Their flat was
the fourth, the top storey of a large house. Above the high-ridged, handsome
red roof opposite was an assembly of telegraph wires, a square, squat
framework, towards which hosts of wires sped from four directions, arriving in
darkly-stretched lines out of the white sky. High up, at a great height, a
seagull sailed. There was a noise of traffic from the town beyond.
Then, from behind the ridge of the house-roof
opposite a man climbed up into the tower of wires, belted himself amid the
netted sky, and began to work, absorbedly. Another man, half-hidden by the
roof-ridge, stretched up to him with a wire. The man in the sky reached down to
receive it. The other, having delivered, sank out of sight. The solitary man
worked absorbedly. Then he seemed drawn away from his task. He looked round
almost furtively, from his lonely height, the space pressing on him. His eyes
met those of the beautiful woman who stood in her afternoon-gown, with flowers
in her hair, at the window.
"I like you," she said, in her normal
voice.
Her husband, in the room with her, looked round
slowly and asked:
"Whom do you like?"
Receiving no answer, he resumed his tense
stillness.
She remained watching at the window, above the
small, quiet street of large houses. The man, suspended there in the sky,
looked across at her and she at him. The city was far below. Her eyes and his
met across the lofty space. Then, crouching together again into his
forgetfulness, he hid himself in his work. He would not look again. Presently
he climbed down, and the tower of wires was empty against the sky.
The woman glanced at the little park at the end
of the clear, grey street. The diminished, dark-blue form of a soldier was seen
passing between the green stretches of grass, his spurs giving the faintest
glitter to his walk.
Then she turned hesitating from the window, as
if drawn by her husband. He was sitting still motionless, and detached from
her, hard; held absolutely away from her by his will. She wavered, then went
and crouched on the hearth-rug at his feet, laying her head on his knee.
"Don't be horrid with me!" she
pleaded, in a caressing, languid, impersonal voice. He shut his teeth hard, and
his lips parted slightly with pain.
"You know you love me," she continued,
in the same heavy, sing-song way. He breathed hard, but kept still.
"Don't you?" she said, slowly, and she
put her arms round his waist, under his coat, drawing him to her. It was as if
flames of fire were running under his skin.
"I have never denied it," he said
woodenly.
"Yes," she pleaded, in the same heavy,
toneless voice. "Yes. You are always trying to deny it." She was
rubbing her cheek against his knee, softly. Then she gave a little laugh, and
shook her head. "But it's no good." She looked up at him. There was a
curious light in his eyes, of subtle victory. "It's no good, my love, is
it?"
His heart ran hot. He knew it was no good trying
to deny he loved her. But he saw her eyes, and his will remained set and hard.
She looked away into the fire.
"You hate it that you have to love
me," she said, in a pensive voice through which the triumph flickered
faintly. "You hate it that you love me--and it is petty and mean of you.
You hate it that you had to hurry back to me from Paris."
Her voice had become again quite impersonal, as
if she were talking to herself.
"At any rate," he said, "it is
your triumph."
She gave a sudden, bitter-contemptuous laugh.
"Ha!" she said. "What is triumph
to me, you fool! You can have your triumph. I should be only too glad to give
it you."
"And I to take it."
"Then take it," she cried, in
hostility. "I offer it you often enough."
"But you never mean to part with it."
"It is a lie. It is you, you, who are too paltry
to take a woman. How often do I fling myself at you--"
"Then don't--don't."
"Ha!--and if I don't--I get nothing out of
you. Self! self! that is all you are."
His face remained set and expressionless. She
looked up at him. Suddenly she drew him to her again, and hid her face against
him.
"Don't kick me off, Pietro, when I come to
you," she pleaded.
"You don't come to
me," he answered stubbornly.
She lifted her head a few inches away from him
and seemed to listen, or to think.
"What do I do, then?" she asked, for
the first time quietly.
"You treat me as if I were a piece of cake,
for you to eat when you wanted."
She rose from him with a mocking cry of scorn,
that yet had something hollow in its sound.
"Treat you like a piece of cake, do
I!" she cried. "I, who have done all I have for you!"
There was a knock, and the maid entered with a
telegram. He tore it open.
"No answer," he said, and the maid
softly closed the door.
"I suppose it is for you," he said,
bitingly, rising and handing her the slip of paper. She read it, laughed, then
read it again, aloud:
"'Meet me Marble Arch
7.30--theatre--Richard." Who is Richard?" she asked, looking at her
husband rather interested. He shook his head.
"Nobody of mine," he said. "Who
is he?"
"I haven't the faintest notion," she
said, flippantly.
"But," and his eyes went bullying,
"you must know."
She suddenly became quiet, and jeering, took up
his challenge.
"Why must I know?" she asked.
"Because it isn't for me, therefore it must
be for you."
"And couldn't it be for anybody else?"
she sneered.
"'Moest, 14 Merrilies Street,'" he
read, decisively.
For a second she was puzzled into earnestness.
"Pah, you fool," she said, turning
aside. "Think of your own friends," and she flung the telegram away.
"It is not for me," he said, stiffly
and finally.
"Then it is for the man in the moon--I
should think his name is Moest," she added, with a pouf
of laughter against him.
"Do you mean to say you know nothing about
it?" he asked.
"Do you mean to say," she mocked,
mouthing the words, and sneering; "Yes, I do mean to say, poor little
man."
He suddenly went hard with disgust.
"Then I simply don't believe you," he
said coldly.
"Oh--don't you believe me!" she
jeered, mocking the touch of sententiousness in his voice. "What a
calamity. The poor man doesn't believe!"
"It couldn't possibly be any acquaintance
of mine," he said slowly.
"Then hold your tongue!" she cried
harshly. "I've heard enough of it."
He was silent, and soon she went out of the
room. In a few minutes he heard her in the drawing-room, improvising furiously.
It was a sound that maddened him: something yearning, yearning, striving, and
something perverse, that counteracted the yearning. Her music was always
working up towards a certain culmination, but never reaching it, falling away
in a jangle. How he hated it. He lit a cigarette, and went across to the
sideboard for a whisky and soda. Then she began to sing. She had a good voice,
but she could not keep time. As a rule it made his heart warm with tenderness
for her, hearing her ramble through the songs in her own fashion, making Brahms
sound so different by altering his time. But to-day he hated her for it. Why
the devil couldn't she submit to the natural laws of the stuff!
In about fifteen minutes she entered, laughing.
She laughed as she closed the door, and as she came to him where he sat.
"Oh," she said, "you silly thing,
you silly thing! Aren't you a stupid clown?"
She crouched between his knees and put her arms
round him. She was smiling into his face, her green eyes looking into his, were
bright and wide. But somewhere in them, as he looked back, was a little twist
that could not come loose to him, a little cast, that was like an aversion from
him, a strain of hate for him. The hot waves of blood flushed over his body, and
his heart seemed to dissolve under her caresses. But at last, after many
months, he knew her well enough. He knew that curious little strain in her
eyes, which was waiting for him to submit to her, and then would spurn him
again. He resisted her while ever it was there.
"Why don't you let yourself love me?"
she asked, pleading, but a touch of mockery in her voice. His jaw set hard.
"Is it because you are afraid?"
He heard the slight sneer.
"Of what?" he asked.
"Afraid to trust yourself?"
There was silence. It made him furious that she
could sit there caressing him and yet sneer at him.
"What have I done with
myself?" he asked.
"Carefully saved yourself from giving all
to me, for fear you might lose something."
"Why should I lose anything?" he
asked.
And they were both silent. She rose at last and
went away from him to get a cigarette. The silver box flashed red with
firelight in her hands. She struck a match, bungled, threw the stick aside, lit
another.
"What did you come running back for?"
she asked, insolently, talking with half-shut lips because of the cigarette.
"I told you I wanted peace. I've had none for a year. And for the last
three months you've done nothing but try to destroy me."
"You have not gone frail on it," he
answered sarcastically.
"Nevertheless," she said, "I am
ill inside me. I am sick of you--sick. You make an eternal demand, and you give
nothing back. You leave one empty." She puffed the cigarette in feminine
fashion, then suddenly she struck her forehead with a wild gesture. "I
have a ghastly, empty feeling in my head," she said. "I feel I
simply must have rest--I must."
The rage went through his veins like flame.
"From your labours?" he asked,
sarcastically, suppressing himself.
"From you--from you?" she
cried, thrusting forward her head at him. "You, who use a woman's soul up,
with your rotten life. I suppose it is partly your health, and you can't help
it," she added, more mildly. "But I simply can't stick it--I simply
can't, and that is all."
She shook her cigarette carelessly in the direction
of the fire. The ash fell on the beautiful Asiatic rug. She glanced at it, but
did not trouble. He sat, hard with rage.
"May I ask how I use you up, as you
say?" he asked.
She was silent a moment, trying to get her
feeling into words. Then she shook her hand at him passionately, and took the
cigarette from her mouth.
"By--by following me about--by not leaving
me alone. You give me no peace--I don't know what
you do, but it is something ghastly."
Again the hard stroke of rage went down his
mind.
"It is very vague," he said.
"I know," she cried. "I can't put
it into words--but there it is. You--you don't love. I pour myself out to you,
and then--there's nothing there--you simply aren't there."
He was silent for some time. His jaw set hard
with fury and hate.
"We have come to the
incomprehensible," he said. "And now, what about Richard?"
It had grown nearly dark in the room. She sat
silent for a moment. Then she took the cigarette from her mouth and looked at
it.
"I'm going to meet him," her voice,
mocking, answered out of the twilight.
His head went molten, and he could scarcely
breathe.
"Who is he?" he asked, though he did
not believe the affair to be anything at all, even if there were a Richard.
"I'll introduce him to you when I know him
a little better," she said. He waited.
"But who is he?"
"I tell you, I'll introduce him to you
later."
There was a pause.
"Shall I come with you?"
"It would be like you," she answered,
with a sneer.
The maid came in, softly, to draw the curtains
and turn on the light. The husband and wife sat silent.
"I suppose," he said, when the door
was closed again, "you are wanting a Richard for a rest?"
She took his sarcasm simply as a statement.
"I am," she said. "A simple, warm
man who would love me without all these reservation and difficulties. That is
just what I do want."
"Well, you have your own
independence," he said.
"Ha," she laughed. "You needn't
tell me that. It would take more than you to rob me of my independence."
"I meant your own income," he answered
quietly, while his heart was plunging with bitterness and rage.
"Well," she said, "I will go and
dress."
He remained without moving, in his chair. The
pain of this was almost too much. For some moments the great, inflamed pulse
struck through his body. It died gradually down, and he went dull. He had not
wanted to separate from her at this point of their union; they would probably,
if they parted in such a crisis, never come together again. But if she
insisted, well then, it would have to be. He would go away for a month. He
could easily make business in Italy. And when he came back, they could patch up
some sort of domestic arrangement, as most other folk had to do.
He felt full and heavy inside, and without the
energy for anything. The thought of having to pack and take a train to Milan
appalled him; it would mean such an effort of will. But it would have to be
done, and so he must do it. It was no use his waiting at home. He might stay in
town a night, at his brother-in-law's, and go away the next day. It were better
to give her a little time to come to herself. She was really impulsive. And he
did not really want to go away from her.
He was still sitting thinking, when she came
downstairs. She was in costume and furs and toque. There was a radiant,
half-wistful, half-perverse look about her. She was a beautiful woman, her
bright, fair face set among the black furs.
"Will you give me some money?" she
said. "There isn't any."
He took two sovereigns, which she put in her
little black purse. She would go without a word of reconciliation. It made his
heart set hard again.
"You would like me to go away for a
moment?" he said, calmly.
"Yes," she answered, stubbornly.
"All right, then, I will. I must stop in
town for to-morrow, but I will sleep at Edmund's."
"You could do that, couldn't you?" she
said, accepting his suggestion, a little bit hesitating.
"If you want me to."
"I'm so tired!" she
lamented.
But there was exasperation and hate in the last
word, too.
"Very well," he answered.
She finished buttoning her glove.
"You'll go, then?" she said suddenly,
brightly, turning to depart. "Good-bye."
He hated her for the flippant insult of her
leave-taking.
"I shall be at Edmund's to-morrow," he
said.
"You will write to me from Italy, won't
you?"
He would not answer the unnecessary question.
"Have you taken the dead primroses out of
your hair?" he asked.
"I haven't," she said.
And she unpinned her hat.
"Richard would think me
cracked," she said, picking out the crumpled, creamy fragments. She
strewed the withered flowers carelessly on the table, set her hat straight.
"Do you want me to
go?" he asked, again, rather yearning.
She knitted her brows. It irked her to resist
the appeal. Yet she had in her breast a hard, repellent feeling for him. She
had loved him, too. She had loved him dearly. And--he had not seemed to realise
her. So that now she did want to be free of him for a while.
Yet the love, the passion she had had for him clung about her. But she did
want, first and primarily, to be free of him again.
"Yes," she said, half pleading.
"Very well," he answered.
She came across to him, and put her arms round
his neck. Her hatpin caught his head, but he moved, and she did not notice.
"You don't mind very much, do you, my
love?" she said caressingly.
"I mind all the world, and all I am,"
he said.
She rose from him, fretted, miserable, and yet
determined.
"I must have some
rest," she repeated.
He knew that cry. She had had it, on occasions,
for two months now. He had cursed her, and refused either to go away or to let
her go. Now he knew it was no use.
"All right," he said. "Go and get
it from Richard."
"Yes." She hesitated.
"Good-bye," she called, and was gone.
He heard her cab whirr away. He had no idea
whither she was gone--but probably to Madge, her friend.
He went upstairs to pack. Their bedroom made him
suffer. She used to say, at first, that she would give up anything rather than
her sleeping with him. And still they were always together. A kind of blind
helplessness drove them to one another, even when, after he had taken her, they
only felt more apart than ever. It had seemed to her that he had been
mechanical and barren with her. She felt a horrible feeling of aversion from
him, inside her, even while physically she still desired him. His body had
always a kind of fascination for her. But had hers for him? He seemed, often,
just to have served her, or to have obeyed some impersonal instinct for which
she was the only outlet, in his loving her. So at last she rose against him, to
cast him off. He seemed to follow her so, to draw her life into his. It made
her feel she would go mad. For he seemed to do it just blindly, without having
any notion of her herself. It was as if she were sucked out of herself by some
non-human force. As for him, he seemed only like an instrument for his work,
his business, not like a person at all. Sometimes she thought he was a big
fountain-pen which was always sucking at her blood for ink.
He could not understand anything of this. He
loved her--he could not bear to be away from her. He tried to realise her and
to give her what she wanted. But he could not understand. He could not
understand her accusations against him. Physically, he knew, she loved him, or
had loved him, and was satisfied by him. He also knew that she would have loved
another man nearly as well. And for the rest, he was only himself. He could not
understand what she said about his using her and giving her nothing in return.
Perhaps he did not think of her, as a separate person from himself,
sufficiently. But then he did not see, he could not see that she had any real
personal life, separate from himself. He tried to think of her in every
possible way, and to give her what she wanted. But it was no good; she was
never at peace. And lately there had been growing a breach between them. They had
never come together without his realising it, afterwards. Now he must submit,
and go away.
And her quilted dressing-gown--it was a little
bit torn, like most of her things--and her pearl-backed mirror, with one of the
pieces of pearl missing--all her untidy, flimsy, lovable things hurt him as he
went about the bedroom, and made his heart go hard with hate, in the midst of
his love.
II
Instead of going to his brother-in-law's, he
went to an hotel for the night. It was not till he stood in the lift, with the
attendant at his side, that he began to realise that he was only a mile or so
away from his own home, and yet farther away than any miles could make him. It
was about nine o'clock. He hated his bedroom. It was comfortable, and not
ostentatious; its only fault was the neutrality necessary to an hotel
apartment. He looked round. There was one semi-erotic Florentine picture of a
lady with cat's eyes, over the bed. It was not bad. The only other ornament on
the walls was the notice of hours and prices of meals and rooms. The couch sat
correctly before the correct little table, on which the writing-sachet and
ink-stand stood mechanically. Down below, the quiet street was half
illuminated, the people passed sparsely, like stunted shadows. And of all times
of the night, it was a quarter-past nine. He thought he would go to bed. Then
he looked at the white-and-glazed doors which shut him off from the bath. He
would bath, to pass the time away. In the bath-closet everything was so
comfortable and white and warm--too warm; the level, unvarying heat of the
atmosphere, from which there was no escape anywhere, seemed so hideously
hotel-like; this central-heating forced a unity into the great building, making
it more than ever like an enormous box with incubating cells. He loathed it.
But at any rate the bath-closet was human, white and business-like and
luxurious.
He was trying, with the voluptuous warm water,
and the exciting thrill of the shower-bath, to bring back the life into his
dazed body. Since she had begun to hate him, he had gradually lost that
physical pride and pleasure in his own physique which the first months of
married life had given him. His body had gone meaningless to him again, almost
as if it were not there. It had wakened up, there had been the physical glow
and satisfaction about his movements of a creature which rejoices in itself; a
glow which comes on a man who loves and is loved passionately and successfully.
Now this was going again. All the life was accumulating in his mental
consciousness, and his body felt like a piece of waste. He was not aware of
this. It was instinct which made him want to bathe. But that, too, was a
failure. He went under the shower-spray with his mind occupied by business, or
some care of affairs, taking the tingling water almost without knowing it,
stepping out mechanically, as a man going through a barren routine. He was dry
again, and looking out of the window, without having experienced anything during
the last hour.
Then he remembered that she did not know his
address. He scribbled a note and rang to have it posted.
As soon as he had turned out the light, and
there was nothing left for his mental consciousness to flourish amongst, it
dropped, and it was dark inside him as without. It was his blood, and the
elemental male in it, that now rose from him; unknown instincts suffocated him,
and he could not bear it, that he was shut in this great, warm building. He
wanted to be outside, with space springing from him. But, again, the reasonable
being in him knew it was ridiculous, and he remained staring at the dark,
having the horrible sensation of a roof low down over him; whilst that dark,
unknown being, which lived below all his consciousness in the eternal gloom of
his blood, heaved and raged blindly against him.
It was not his thoughts that represented him.
They spun like straws or the iridescence of oil on a dark stream. He thought of
her, sketchily, spending an evening of light amusement with the symbolical
Richard. That did not mean much to him. He did not really speculate about
Richard. He had the dark, powerful sense of her, how she wanted to get away
from him and from the deep, underneath intimacy which had gradually come
between them, back to the easy, everyday life where one knows nothing of the
underneath, so that it takes its way apart from the consciousness. She did not
want to have the deeper part of herself in direct contact with or under the
influence of any other intrinsic being. She wanted, in the deepest sense, to be
free of him. She could not bear the close, basic intimacy into which she had
been drawn. She wanted her life for herself. It was true, her strongest desire
had been previously to know the contact through the whole of her being, down to
the very bottom. Now it troubled her. She wanted to disengage his roots. Above,
in the open, she would live. But she must live perfectly free of herself, and
not, at her source, be connected with anybody. She was using this symbolical
Richard as a spade to dig him away from her. And he felt like a thing whose
roots are all straining on their hold, and whose elemental life, that blind
source, surges backwards and forwards darkly, in a chaos, like something which
is threatened with spilling out of its own vessel.
This tremendous swaying of the most elemental
part of him continued through the hours, accomplishing his being, whilst
superficially he thought of the journey, of the Italian he would speak, how he
had left his coat in the train, and the rascally official interpreter had tried
to give him twenty lire for a sovereign--how the man in the hat-shop in the
Strand had given him the wrong change--of the new shape in hats, and the new
felt--and so on. Underneath it all, like the sea under a pleasure pier, his
elemental, physical soul was heaving in great waves through his blood and his
tissue, the sob, the silent lift, the slightly-washing fall away again. So his
blood, out of whose darkness everything rose, being moved to its depth by her
revulsion, heaved and swung towards its own rest, surging blindly to its own
re-settling.
Without knowing it, he suffered that night
almost more than he had ever suffered during his life. But it was all below his
consciousness. It was his life itself at storm, not his mind and his will
engaged at all.
In the morning he got up, thin and quiet,
without much movement anywhere, only with some of the clearing afterstorm. His
body felt like a clean, empty shell. His mind was limpidly clear. He went
through the business of the toilet with a certain accuracy, and at breakfast,
in the restaurant, there was about him that air of neutral correctness which
makes men seem so unreal.
At lunch, there was a telegram for him. It was
like her to telegraph.
"Come to tea, my dear love."
As he read it, there was a great heave of
resistance in him. But then he faltered. With his consciousness, he remembered
how impulsive and eager she was when she dashed off her telegram, and he
relaxed. It went without saying that he would go.
III
When he stood in the lift going up to his own
flat, he was almost blind with the hurt of it all. They had loved each other so
much in his first home. The parlour-maid opened to him, and he smiled at her
affectionately. In the golden-brown and cream-coloured hall--Paula would have
nothing heavy or sombre about her--a bush of rose-coloured azaleas shone, and a
little tub of lilies twinkled naïvely.
She did not come out to meet him.
"Tea is in the drawing-room," the maid
said, and he went in while she was hanging up his coat. It was a big room, with
a sense of space, and a spread of whity carpet almost the colour of unpolished
marble--and grey and pink border; of pink roses on big white cushions, pretty
Dresden china, and deep chintz-covered chairs and sofas which looked as if they
were used freely. It was a room where one could roll in soft, fresh-comfort, a
room which had not much breakable in it, and which seemed, in the dusky spring
evening, fuller of light than the streets outside.
Paula rose, looking queenly and rather radiant,
as she held out her hand. A young man whom Peter scarcely noticed rose on the
other side of the hearth.
"I expected you an hour ago," she
said, looking into her husband's eyes. But though she looked at him, she did
not see him. And he sank his head.
"This is another Moest," she said,
presenting the stranger. "He knows Richard, too."
The young man, a German of about thirty, with a
clean-shaven æsthetic face, long black hair brushed back a little wearily or
bewildered from his brow, and inclined to fall in an odd loose strand again, so
that he nervously put it back with his fine hand, looked at Moest and bowed. He
had a finely-cut face, but his dark-blue eyes were strained, as if he did not
quite know where he was. He sat down again, and his pleasant figure took a
self-conscious attitude, of a man whose business it was to say things that
should be listened to. He was not conceited or affected--naturally sensitive
and rather naïve; but he could only move in an atmosphere of literature and
literary ideas; yet he seemed to know there was something else, vaguely, and he
felt rather at a loss. He waited for the conversation to move his way, as,
inert, an insect waits for the sun to set it flying.
"Another Moest," Paula was pronouncing
emphatically. "Actually another Moest, of whom we have never heard, and
under the same roof with us."
The stranger laughed, his lips moving nervously
over his teeth.
"You are in this house?" Peter asked,
surprised.
The young man shifted in his chair, dropped his
head, looked up again.
"Yes," he said, meeting Moest's eyes
as if he were somewhat dazzled. "I am staying with the Lauriers, on the
second floor."
He spoke English slowly, with a quaint, musical
quality in his voice, and a certain rhythmic enunciation.
"I see; and the telegram was for you?"
said the host.
"Yes," replied the stranger, with a
nervous little laugh.
"My husband," broke in Paula,
evidently repeating to the German what she had said before, for Peter's benefit
this time, "was quite convinced I had an affaire"--she
pronounced it in the French fashion--"with this terrible Richard."
The German gave his little laugh, and moved,
painfully self-conscious, in his chair.
"Yes," he said, glancing at Moest.
"Did you spend a night of virtuous
indignation?" Paula laughed to her husband, "imagining my
perfidy?"
"I did not," said her husband.
"Were you at Madge's?"
"No," she said. Then, turning to her
guest: "Who is Richard, Mr. Moest?"
"Richard," began the German, word by
word, "is my cousin." He glanced quickly at Paula, to see if he were
understood. She rustled her skirts, and arranged herself comfortably, lying, or
almost squatting, on the sofa by the fire. "He lives in Hampstead."
"And what is he like?" she asked, with
eager interest.
The German gave his little laugh. Then he moved
his fingers across his brow, in his dazed fashion. Then he looked, with his
beautiful blue eyes, at his beautiful hostess.
"I--" He laughed again nervously.
"He is a man whose parts--are not very much--very well known to me. You
see," he broke forth, and it was evident he was now conversing to an
imaginary audience--"I cannot easily express myself in English. I--I never
have talked it. I shall speak, because I know nothing of modern England, a kind
of Renaissance English."
"How lovely!" cried Paula. "But
if you would rather, speak German. We shall understand sufficiently."
"I would rather hear some Renaissance
English," said Moest.
Paula was quite happy with the new stranger. She
listened to descriptions of Richard, shifting animatedly on her sofa. She wore
a new dress, of a rich red-tile colour, glossy and long and soft, and she had
threaded daisies, like buttons, in the braided plait of her hair. Her husband
hated her for these familiarities. But she was beautiful too, and warm-hearted.
Only, through all her warmth and kindliness, lay, he said, at the bottom, an
almost feline selfishness, a coldness.
She was playing to the stranger--nay, she was
not playing, she was really occupied by him. The young man was the favourite
disciple of the most famous present-day German poet and Meister. He
himself was occupied in translating Shakespeare. Having been always a poetic
disciple, he had never come into touch with life save through literature, and
for him, since he was a rather fine-hearted young man, with a human need to
live, this was a tragedy. Paula was not long in discovering what ailed him, and
she was eager to come to his rescue.
It pleased her, nevertheless, to have her
husband sitting by, watching her. She forgot to give tea to anyone. Moest and
the German both helped themselves, and the former attended also to his wife's
cup. He sat rather in the background, listening, and waiting. She had made a
fool of him with her talk to this stranger of "Richard"; lightly and
flippantly she had made a fool of him. He minded, but was used to it. Now she
had absorbed herself in this dazed, starved, literature-bewildered young
German, who was, moreover, really lovable, evidently a gentleman. And she was
seeing in him her mission--"just as", said Moest bitterly to himself,
"she saw her mission in me, a year ago. She is no woman. She's got a big
heart for everybody, but it must be like a common-room; she's got no private,
sacred heart, except perhaps for herself, where there's no room for a man in
it."
At length the stranger rose to go, promising to
come again.
"Isn't he adorable?" cried Paula, as
her husband returned to the drawing-room. "I think he is simply
adorable."
"Yes!" said Moest.
"He called this morning to ask about the
telegram. But, poor devil, isn't it a shame what they've done to him?"
"What who have done to him?" her
husband asked coldly, jealous.
"Those literary creatures. They take a
young fellow like that, and stick him up among the literary gods, like a
mantelpiece ornament, and there he has to sit, being a minor ornament, while
all his youth is gone. It is criminal."
"He should get off the mantelpiece,
then," said Moest.
But inside him his heart was black with rage
against her. What had she, after all, to do with this young man, when he
himself was being smashed up by her? He loathed her pity and her kindliness,
which was like a charitable institution. There was no core to the woman. She
was full of generosity and bigness and kindness, but there was no heart in her,
no security, no place for one single man. He began to understand now sirens and
sphinxes and the other Greek fabulous female things. They had not been created
by fancy, but out of bitter necessity of the man's human heart to express
itself.
"Ha!" she laughed, half contemptuous.
"Did you get off your miserable, starved isolation by
yourself?--you didn't. You had to be fetched down, and I had to do it."
"Out of your usual charity," he said.
"But you can sneer at another man's
difficulties," she said.
"Your name ought to be Panacea, not
Paula," he replied.
He felt furious and dead against her. He could
even look at her without the tenderness coming. And he was glad. He hated her.
She seemed unaware. Very well; let her be so.
"Oh, but he makes me so miserable, to see
him!" she cried. "Self-conscious, can't get into contact with
anybody, living a false literary life like a man who takes poetry as a
drug.--One ought to help him."
She was really earnest and distressed.
"Out of the frying-pan into the fire,"
he said.
"I'd rather be in the fire any day, than in
a frying-pan," she said, abstractedly, with a little shudder. She never
troubled to see the meaning of her husband's sarcasms.
They remained silent. The maid came in for the
tray, and to ask him if he would be in to dinner. He waited for his wife to
answer. She sat with her chin in her hands, brooding over the young German, and
did not hear. The rage flashed up in his heart. He would have liked to smash
her out of this false absorption.
"No," he said to the maid. "I
think not. Are you at home for dinner, Paula?"
"Yes," she said.
And he knew by her tone, easy and abstracted,
that she intended him to stay, too. But she did not trouble to say anything.
At last, after some time, she asked:
"What did you do?"
"Nothing--went to bed early," he
replied.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Yes, thank you."
And he recognised the ludicrous civilities of
married people, and he wanted to go. She was silent for a time. Then she asked,
and her voice had gone still and grave:
"Why don't you ask me what I did?"
"Because I don't care--you just went to
somebody's for dinner."
"Why don't you care what I do? Isn't it
your place to care?"
"About the things you do to spite
me?--no!"
"Ha!" she mocked. "I did nothing
to spite you. I was in deadly earnest."
"Even with your Richard?"
"Yes," she cried. "There might have
been a Richard. What did you care!"
"In that case you'd have been a liar and
worse, so why should I care about you then?"
"You don't care about
me," she said, sullenly.
"You say what you please," he
answered.
She was silent for some time.
"And did you do absolutely nothing last
night?" she asked.
"I had a bath and went to bed."
Then she pondered.
"No," she said, "you don't care
for me."
He did not trouble to answer. Softly, a little
china clock rang six.
"I shall go to Italy in the morning,"
he said.
"Yes."
"And," he said, slowly, forcing the
words out, "I shall stay at the Aquila Nera at Milan--you know my
address."
"Yes," she answered.
"I shall be away about a month. Meanwhile
you can rest."
"Yes," she said, in her throat, with a
little contempt of him and his stiffness. He, in spite of himself, was
breathing heavily. He knew that this parting was the real separation of their
souls, marked the point beyond which they could go no farther, but accepted the
marriage as a comparative failure. And he had built all his life on his
marriage. She accused him of not loving her. He gripped the arms of his chair.
Was there something in it? Did he only want the attributes which went along
with her, the peace of heart which a man has in living to one woman, even if
the love between them be not complete; the singleness and unity in his life
that made it easy; the fixed establishment of himself as a married man with a
home; the feeling that he belonged somewhere, that one woman existed--not was
paid but existed--really to take care of him; was it these things
he wanted, and not her? But he wanted her for these purposes--her, and nobody
else. But was that not enough for her? Perhaps he wronged her--it was possible.
What she said against him was in earnest. And what she said in earnest he had
to believe, in the long run, since it was the utterance of her being. He felt
miserable and tired.
When he looked at her, across the gathering
twilight of the room, she was staring into the fire and biting her finger-nail,
restlessly, restlessly, without knowing. And all his limbs went suddenly weak,
as he realised that she suffered too, that something was gnawing at her.
Something in the look of her, the crouching, dogged, wondering look made him
faint with tenderness for her.
"Don't bite your finger-nails," he
said quietly, and, obediently, she took her hand from her mouth. His heart was
beating quickly. He could feel the atmosphere of the room changing. It had
stood aloof, the room, like something placed round him, like a great box. Now
everything got softer, as if it partook of the atmosphere, of which he partook
himself, and they were all one.
His mind reverted to her accusations, and his
heart beat like a caged thing against what he could not understand. She said he
did not love her. But he knew that in his way, he did. In his way--but was his
way wrong? His way was himself, he thought, struggling. Was there something
wrong, something missing in his nature, that he could not love? He struggled,
as if he were in a mesh, and could not get out. He did not want to believe that
he was deficient in his nature. Wherein was he deficient? It was nothing
physical. She said he would not come out of himself, that he was no good to
her, because he could not get outside himself. What did she mean? Not outside
himself! It seemed like some acrobatic feat, some slippery, contortionist
trick. No, he could not understand. His heart flashed hot with resentment. She
did nothing but find fault with him. What did she care about him, really, when
she could taunt him with not being able to take a light woman when he was in
Paris? Though his heart, forced to do her justice, knew that for this she loved
him, really.
But it was too complicated and difficult, and
already, as they sat thinking, it had gone wrong between them and things felt
twisted, horribly twisted, so that he could not breathe. He must go. He could
dine at the hotel and go to the theatre.
"Well," he said casually, "I must
go. I think I shall go and see The 'Black Sheep'."
She did not answer. Then she turned and looked
at him with a queer, half-bewildered, half-perverse smile that seemed conscious
of pain. Her eyes, shining rather dilated and triumphant, and yet with
something heavily yearning behind them, looked at him. He could not understand,
and, between her appeal and her defiant triumph, he felt as if his chest was
crushed so that he could not breathe.
"My love," she said, in a little
singing, abstract fashion, her lips somehow sipping towards him, her eyes
shining dilated; and yet he felt as if he were not in it, himself.
His heart was a flame that prevented his
breathing. He gripped the chair like a man who is going to be put under
torture.
"What?" he said, staring back at her.
"Oh, my love!" she said softly, with a
little, intense laugh on her face, that made him pant. And she slipped from her
sofa and came across to him quickly, and put her hand hesitating on his hair.
The blood struck like flame across his consciousness, and the hurt was keen
like joy, like the releasing of something that hurts as the pressure is relaxed
and the movement comes, before the peace. Afraid, his fingers touched her hand,
and she sank swiftly between his knees, and put her face on his breast. He held
her head hard against his chest, and again and again the flame went down his
blood, as he felt her round, small, nut of a head between his hands pressing
into his chest where the hurt had been bruised in so deep. His wrists quivered
as he pressed her head to him, as he felt the deadness going out of him; the
real life released, flowing into his body again. How hard he had shut it off,
against her, when she hated him. He was breathing heavily with relief, blindly
pressing her head against him. He believed in her again.
She looked up, laughing, childish, inviting him
with her lips. He bent to kiss her, and as his eyes closed, he saw hers were
shut. The feeling of restoration was almost unbearable.
"Do you love me?" she whispered, in a
little ecstasy.
He did not answer, except with the quick tightening
of his arms, clutching her a little closer against him. And he loved the
silkiness of her hair, and its natural scent. And it hurt him that the daisies
she had threaded in should begin to wither. He resented their hurting her by
their dying.
He had not understood. But the trouble had gone
off. He was quiet, and he watched her from out of his sensitive stillness, a
little bit dimly, unable to recover. She was loving to him, protective, and
bright, laughing like a glad child too.
"We must tell Maud I shall be in to
dinner," he said.
That was like him--always aware of the practical
side of the case, and the appearances. She laughed a little bit ironically. Why
should she have to take her arm from round him, just to tell Maud he would be
in to dinner?
"I'll go," she said.
He drew the curtains and turned on the light in
the big lamp that stood in a corner. The room was dim, and palely warm. He
loved it dearly.
His wife, when she came back, as soon as she had
closed the door, lifted her arms to him in a little ecstasy, coming to him.
They clasped each other closer, body to body. And the intensity of his feeling
was so fierce, he felt himself going dim, fusing into something soft and
plastic between her hands. And this connection with her was bigger than life or
death. And at the bottom of his heart was a sob.
She was gay and winsome at the dinner. Like
lovers, they were just deliciously waiting for the night to come up. But there
remained in him always the slightly broken feeling which the night before had
left.
"And you won't go to Italy," she said,
as if it were an understood thing.
She gave him the best things to eat, and was
solicitous for his welfare--which was not usual with her. It gave him deep, shy
pleasure. He remembered a verse she was often quoting as one she loved. He did
not know it for himself:
"On my breasts I warm thy foot-soles;
Wine I pour, and dress thy meats;
Humbly, when my lord disposes,
Lie with him on perfumed sheets."
She said it to him sometimes, looking up at him
from the pillow. But it never seemed real to him. She might, in her sudden
passion, put his feet between her breasts. But he never felt like a lord, never
more pained and insignificant than at those times. As a little girl, she must
have subjected herself before her dolls. And he was something like her
lordliest plaything. He liked that too. If only . . .
Then, seeing some frightened little way of
looking at him which she had, the pure pain came back. He loved her, and it
would never be peace between them; she would never belong to him, as a wife.
She would take him and reject him, like a mistress. And perhaps for that reason
he would love her all the more; it might be so.
But then, he forgot. Whatever was or was not,
now she loved him. And whatever came after, this evening he was the lord. What
matter if he were deposed to-morrow, and she hated him!
Her eyes, wide and candid, were staring at him a
little bit wondering, a little bit forlorn. She knew he had not quite come
back. He held her close to him.
"My love," she murmured consolingly.
"My love."
And she put her fingers through his hair,
arranging it in little, loose curves, playing with it and forgetting everything
else. He loved that dearly, to feel the light lift and touch--touch of her
finger-tips making his hair, as she said, like an Apollo's. She lifted his face
to see how he looked, and, with a little laugh of love, kissed him. And he
loved to be made much of by her. But he had the dim, hurting sense that she
would not love him to-morrow, that it was only her great need to love that
exalted him to-night. He knew he was no king; he did not feel
a king, even when she was crowning and kissing him.
"Do you love me?" she asked, playfully
whispering.
He held her fast and kissed her, while the blood
hurt in his heart-chambers.
"You know," he answered, with a
struggle.
Later, when he lay holding her with a passion
intense like pain, the words blurted from him:
"Flesh of my flesh. Paula!--Will
you--?"
"Yes, my love," she answered
consolingly.
He bit his mouth with pain. For him it was
almost an agony of appeal.
"But, Paula--I mean it--flesh of my
flesh--a wife?"
She tightened her arms round him without
answering. And he knew, and she knew, that she put him off like that.
IV
Two months later, she was writing to him in
Italy: "Your idea of your woman is that she is an expansion, no, a rib of
yourself, without any existence of her own. That I am a being by myself is more
than you can grasp. I wish I could absolutely submerge myself in a
man--and so I do. I always loved you . . .
"You will say 'I was patient.' Do you call
that patient, hanging on for your needs, as you have done? The innermost life
you have always had of me, and you held yourself aloof because
you were afraid.
"The unpardonable thing was you told me you
loved me.--Your feelings have hated me these three months,
which did not prevent you from taking my love and every breath from
me.--Underneath you undermined me, in some subtle, corrupt way that I did not
see because I believed you, when you told me you loved me . . .
"The insult of the way you took me these
last three months I shall never forgive you. I honestly did give
myself, and always in vain and rebuffed. The strain of it all has driven me
quite mad.
"You say I am a tragédienne, but I don't do
any of your perverse undermining tricks. You are always luring one into the
open like a clever enemy, but you keep safely under cover all the time.
"This practically means, for me, that life
is over, my belief in life--I hope it will recover, but it never could do so
with you . . ."
To which he answered: "If I kept under
cover it is funny, for there isn't any cover now.--And you can hope, pretty
easily, for your own recovery apart from me. For my side, without you, I am
done . . . But you lie to yourself. You wouldn't love me,
and you won't be able to love anybody else--except yourself."
RAWDON’S ROOF
Rawdon was the sort of man who said, privately,
to his men friends, over a glass of wine after dinner: "No woman shall
sleep again under my roof!"
He said it with pride, rather vaunting, pursing
his lips. "Even my housekeeper goes home to sleep."
But the housekeeper was a gentle old thing of
about sixty, so it seemed a little fantastic. Moreover, the man had a wife, of
whom he was secretly rather proud, as a piece of fine property, and with whom
he kept up a very witty correspondence, epistolary, and whom he treated with
humorous gallantry when they occasionally met for half an hour. Also he had a
love affair going on. At least, if it wasn't a love affair, what was it?
However!
"No, I've come to the determination that no
woman shall ever sleep under my roof again--not even a female cat!"
One looked at the roof, and wondered what it had
done amiss. Besides, it wasn't his roof. He only rented the house. What does a
man mean, anyhow, when he says "my roof"? My roof!
The only roof I am conscious of having, myself, is the top of my head. However,
he hardly can have meant that no woman should sleep under the elegant dome of
his skull. Though there's no telling. You see the top of a sleek head through a
window, and you say: "By Jove, what a pretty girl's head!" And after
all, when the individual comes out, it's in trousers.
The point, however, is that Rawdon said so
emphatically--no, not emphatically, succinctly: "No woman shall ever again
sleep under my roof." It was a case of futurity. No doubt he had had his
ceilings whitewashed, and their memories put out. Or rather, repainted, for it
was a handsome wooden ceiling. Anyhow, if ceilings have eyes, as walls have
ears, then Rawdon had given his ceilings a new outlook, with a new coat of
paint, and all memory of any woman's having slept under them--for after all, in
decent circumstances we sleep under ceilings, not under roofs--was wiped out
for ever.
"And will you neither sleep under any
woman's roof?"
That pulled him up rather short. He was not
prepared to sauce his gander as he had sauced his goose. Even I could see the
thought flitting through his mind, that some of his pleasantest holidays
depended on the charm of his hostess. Even some of the nicest hotels were run
by women.
"Ah! Well! That's not quite the same thing,
you know. When one leaves one's own house one gives up the keys of
circumstance, so to speak. But, as far as possible, I make it a rule not to
sleep under a roof that is openly, and obviously, and obtrusively a woman's
roof!"
"Quite!" said I with a shudder.
"So do I!"
Now I understood his mysterious love affair less
than ever. He was never known to speak of this love affair: he did not even
write about it to his wife. The lady--for she was a lady--lived only five
minutes' walk from Rawdon. She had a husband, but he was in diplomatic service
or something like that, which kept him occupied in the sufficiently-far
distance. Yes, far enough. And, as a husband, he was a complete diplomat. A
balance of power. If he was entitled to occupy the wide field of the world,
she, the other and contrasting power, might concentrate and consolidate her
position at home.
She was a charming woman, too, and even a
beautiful woman. She had two charming children, long-legged, stalky,
clove-pink-half-opened sort of children. But really charming. And she was a
woman with a certain mystery. She never talked. She never said anything about
herself. Perhaps she suffered; perhaps she was frightfully happy, and made that her
cause for silence. Perhaps she was wise enough even to be beautifully silent
about her happiness. Certainly she never mentioned her sufferings, or even her
trials: and certainly she must have a fair handful of the latter, for Alec
Drummond sometimes fled home in the teeth of a gale of debts. He simply got
through his own money and through hers, and, third and fatal stride, through
other people's as well. Then something had to be done about it. And Janet, dear
soul, had to put her hat on and take journeys. But she never said anything of
it. At least, she did just hint that Alec didn't quite make
enough money to meet expenses. But after all, we don't go about with our eyes
shut, and Alec Drummond, whatever else he did, didn't hide his prowess under a
bushel.
Rawdon and he were quite friendly, but really!
None of them ever talked. Drummond didn't talk, he just went off and behaved in
his own way. And though Rawdon would chat away till the small hours, he never
"talked". Not to his nearest male friend did he ever mention Janet
save as a very pleasant woman and his neighbour: he admitted he adored her
children. They often came to see him.
And one felt about Rawdon, he was making a
mystery of something. And that was rather irritating. He went every day to see
Janet, and of course we saw him going: going or coming. How can one help but
see? But he always went in the morning, at about eleven, and did not stay for
lunch: or he went in the afternoon, and came home to dinner. Apparently he was
never there in the evening. Poor Janet, she lived like a widow.
Very well, if Rawdon wanted to make it so
blatantly obvious that it was only platonic, purely platonic, why wasn't he
natural? Why didn't he say simply: "I'm very fond of Janet Drummond, she
is my very dear friend?" Why did he sort of curl up at the very mention of
her name, and curdle into silence: or else say rather forcedly: "Yes, she
is a charming woman. I see a good deal of her, but chiefly for the children's
sake. I'm devoted to the children!" Then he would look at one in such a
curious way, as if he were hiding something. And after all, what was there to
hide? If he was the woman's friend, why not? It could be a charming friendship.
And if he were her lover, why, heaven bless me, he ought to have been proud of
it, and showed just a glint, just an honest man's glint.
But no, never a glint of pride or pleasure in
the relation either way. Instead of that, this rather theatrical reserve.
Janet, it is true, was just as reserved. If she could, she avoided mentioning
his name. Yet one knew, sure as houses, she felt something. One suspected her
of being more in love with Rawdon than ever she had been with Alec. And one
felt that there was a hush put upon it all. She had had a hush put upon her. By
whom? By both the men? Or by Rawdon only? Or by Drummond? Was it for her
husband's sake? Impossible! For her children's? But why! Her children were
devoted to Rawdon.
It had now become the custom for them to go to
him three times a week, for music. I don't mean he taught them the piano.
Rawdon was a very refined musical amateur. He had them sing, in their delicate
girlish voices, delicate little songs, and really he succeeded wonderfully with
them; he made them so true, which children rarely are, musically, and so pure and
effortless, like little flamelets of sound. It really was rather beautiful, and
sweet of him. And he taught them music, the delicacy of the feel of
it. They had a regular teacher for the practice.
Even the little girls, in their young little
ways, were in love with Rawdon! So if their mother were in love too, in her
ripened womanhood, why not?
Poor Janet! She was so still, and so elusive:
the hush upon her! She was rather like a half-opened rose that somebody had
tied a string round, so that it couldn't open any more. But why? Why? In her
there was a real touch of mystery. One could never ask her,
because one knew her heart was too keenly involved: or her pride.
Whereas there was, really, no mystery about
Rawdon, refined and handsome and subtle as he was. He had no
mystery: at least, to a man. What he wrapped himself up in was
a certain amount of mystification.
Who wouldn't be irritated to hear a fellow
saying, when for months and months he has been paying a daily visit to a lonely
and very attractive woman--nay, lately even a twice-daily visit, even if always
before sundown--to hear him say, pursing his lips after a sip of his own very
moderate port: "I've taken a vow that no woman shall sleep under my roof
again!"
I almost snapped out: "Oh, what the hell! And
what about your Janet?" But I remembered in time, it was not my affair,
and if he wanted to have his mystifications, let him have them.
If he meant he wouldn't have his wife sleep
under his roof again, that one could understand. They were really very witty
with one another, he and she, but fatally and damnably married.
Yet neither wanted a divorce. And neither put
the slightest claim to any control over the other's behaviour. He said:
"Women live on the moon, men on the earth." And she said: "I
don't mind in the least if he loves Janet Drummond, poor thing. It would be a
change for him, from loving himself. And a change for her, if somebody loved
her--"
Poor Janet! But he wouldn't have her sleep under
his roof, no, not for any money. And apparently he never slept under hers--if
she could be said to have one. So what the deuce?
Of course, if they were friends, just friends,
all right! But then in that case, why start talking about not having a woman
sleep under your roof? Pure mystification!
The cat never came out of the bag. But one
evening I distinctly heard it mewing inside its sack, and I even believe I saw
a claw through the canvas.
It was in November--everything much as
usual--myself pricking my ears to hear if the rain had stopped, and I could go
home, because I was just a little bored about "cornemuse" music. I
had been having dinner with Rawdon, and listening to him ever since on his
favourite topic: not, of course, women, and why they shouldn't sleep under his
roof, but fourteenth-century melody and windbag accompaniment.
It was not late--not yet ten o'clock--but I was
restless, and wanted to go home. There was no longer any sound of rain. And
Rawdon was perhaps going to make a pause in his monologue.
Suddenly there was a tap at the door, and Rawdon's
man, Hawken, edged in. Rawdon, who had been a major in some fantastic capacity
during the war, had brought Hawken back with him. This fresh-faced man of about
thirty-five appeared in the doorway with an intensely blank and bewildered look
on his face. He was really an extraordinarily good actor.
"A lady, sir!" he said, with a look of
utter blankness.
"A what?" snapped Rawdon.
"A lady!"--then with a most discreet
drop in his voice: "Mrs. Drummond, sir!" He looked modestly down at
his feet.
Rawdon went deathly white, and his lips
quivered.
"Mrs. Drummond! Where?"
Hawken lifted his eyes to his master in a
fleeting glance.
"I showed her into the dining-room, there
being no fire in the drawing-room."
Rawdon got to his feet and took two or three
agitated strides. He could not make up his mind. At last he said, his lips
working with agitation:
"Bring her in here."
Then he turned with a theatrical gesture to me.
"What this is all about, I don't know,"
he said.
"Let me clear out," said I, making for
the door.
He caught me by the arm.
"No, for God's sake! For God's sake, stop
and see me through!"
He gripped my arm till it really hurt, and his
eyes were quite wild. I did not know my Olympic Rawdon.
Hastily I backed away to the side of the
fire--we were in Rawdon's room, where the books and piano were--and Mrs.
Drummond appeared in the doorway. She was much paler than usual, being a rather
warm-coloured woman, and she glanced at me with big reproachful eyes, as much
as to say: You intruder! You interloper! For my part, I could do nothing but
stare. She wore a black wrap, which I knew quite well, over her black
dinner-dress.
"Rawdon!" she said, turning to him and
blotting out my existence from her consciousness. Hawken softly closed the
door, and I could feel him standing on the threshold outside,
listening keen as a hawk.
"Sit down, Janet," said Rawdon, with a
grimace of a sour smile, which he could not get rid of once he had started it,
so that his face looked very odd indeed, like a mask which he was unable either
to fit on or take off. He had several conflicting expressions all at once, and
they had all stuck.
She let her wrap slip back on her shoulders, and
knitted her white fingers against her skirt, pressing down her arms, and gazing
at him with a terrible gaze. I began to creep to the door.
Rawdon started after me.
"No, don't go! Don't go! I specially want
you not to go," he said in extreme agitation.
I looked at her. She was looking at him with a
heavy, sombre kind of stare. Me she absolutely ignored. Not for a second could
she forgive me for existing on the earth. I slunk back to my post behind the
leather armchair, as if hiding.
"Do sit down, Janet," he said to her
again. "And have a smoke. What will you drink?"
"Nothanks!" she said, as if it were
one word slurred out. "Nothanks."
And she proceeded again to fix him with that
heavy, portentous stare.
He offered her a cigarette, his hand trembling
as he held out the silver box.
"Nothanks!" she slurred out again, not
even looking at the box, but keeping him fixed with that dark and heavy stare.
He turned away, making a great delay lighting a
cigarette, with his back to her, to get out of the stream of that stare. He
carefully went for an ash-tray, and put it carefully within reach--all the time
trying not to be swept away on that stare. And she stood with her fingers
locked, her straight, plump, handsome arms pressed downwards against her skirt,
and she gazed at him.
He leaned his elbow on the mantelpiece
abstractedly for a moment--then he started suddenly, and rang the bell. She
turned her eyes from him for a moment, to watch his middle finger pressing the
bell-button. Then there was a tension of waiting, an interruption in the
previous tension. We waited. Nobody came. Rawdon rang again.
"That's very curious!" he murmured to
himself. Hawken was usually so prompt. Hawken, not being a woman, slept under
the roof, so there was no excuse for his not answering the bell. The tension in
the room had now changed quality, owing to this new suspense. Poor Janet's
sombre stare became gradually loosened, so to speak. Attention was divided.
Where was Hawken? Rawdon rang the bell a third time, a long peal. And now Janet
was no longer the centre of suspense. Where was Hawken? The question loomed
large over every other.
"I'll just look in the kitchen," said
I, making for the door.
"No, no. I'll go," said Rawdon.
But I was in the passage--and Rawdon was on my
heels. The kitchen was very tidy and cheerful, but empty; only a bottle of beer
and two glasses stood on the table. To Rawdon the kitchen was as strange a
world as to me--he never entered the servants' quarters. But to me it was
curious that the bottle of beer was empty, and both the glasses had been used.
I knew Rawdon wouldn't notice.
"That's very curious!" said Rawdon:
meaning the absence of his man.
At that moment we heard a step on the servants'
stairs, and Rawdon opened the door to reveal Hawken descending with an armful
of sheets and things.
"What are you doing?"
"Why!--" and a pause. "I was
airing the clean laundry, like--not to waste the fire last thing."
Hawken descended into the kitchen with a very
flushed face and very bright eyes and rather ruffled hair, and proceeded to
spread the linen on chairs before the fire.
"I hope I've not done wrong, sir," he
said in his most winning manner. "Was you ringing?"
"Three times! Leave that linen and bring a
bottle of the fizz."
"I'm sorry, sir. You can't hear the bell
from the front, sir."
It was perfectly true. The house was small, but
it had been built for a very nervous author, and the servants' quarters were
shut off, padded from the rest of the house.
Rawdon said no more about the sheets and things,
but he looked more peaked than ever.
We went back to the music-room. Janet had gone
to the hearth, and stood with her hand on the mantel. She looked round at us,
baffled.
"We're having a bottle of fizz," said
Rawdon. "Do let me take your wrap."
"And where was Hawken?" she asked
satirically.
"Oh, busy somewhere upstairs."
"He's a busy young man, that!" she
said sardonically. And she sat uncomfortably on the edge of the chair where I
had been sitting.
When Hawken came with the tray, she said:
"I'm not going to drink."
Rawdon appealed to me, so I took a glass. She
looked inquiringly at the flushed and bright-eyed Hawken, as if she understood
something.
The manservant left the room. We drank our wine,
and the awkwardness returned.
"Rawdon!" she said suddenly, as if she
were firing a revolver at him. "Alec came home to-night in a bigger mess
than ever, and wanted to make love to me to get it off his mind. I can't stand
it any more. I'm in love with you, and I simply can't stand Alec getting too
near to me. He's dangerous when he's crossed--and when he's worked up. So I
just came here. I didn't see what else I could do."
She left off as suddenly as a machine-gun leaves
off firing. We were just dazed.
"You are quite right," Rawdon began,
in a vague and neutral tone. . . .
"I am, am I not?" she said eagerly.
"I'll tell you what I'll do," he said.
"I'll go round to the hotel to-night, and you can stay here."
"Under the kindly protection of Hawken, you
mean!" she said, with quiet sarcasm.
"Why!--I could send Mrs. Betts, I
suppose," he said.
Mrs. Betts was his housekeeper.
"You couldn't stay and protect me
yourself?" she said quietly.
"I! I! Why, I've made a vow--haven't I,
Joe?"--he turned to me--"not to have any woman sleep under my roof
again."--He got the mixed sour smile on his face.
She looked up at the ceiling for a moment, then
lapsed into silence. Then she said:
"Sort of monastery, so to speak!"
And she rose and reached for her wrap, adding:
"I'd better go, then."
"Joe will see you home," he said.
She faced round on me.
"Do you mind not seeing me
home, Mr. Bradley?" she said, gazing at me.
"Not if you don't want me," said I.
"Hawken will drive you," said Rawdon.
"Oh, no, he won't!" she said.
"I'll walk. Good-night."
"I'll get my hat," stammered Rawdon,
in an agony. "Wait! Wait! The gate will be locked."
"It was open when I came," she said.
He rang for Hawken to unlock the iron doors at the
end of the short drive, whilst he himself huddled into a greatcoat and scarf,
fumbling for a flashlight.
"You won't go till I come back, will
you?" he pleaded to me. "I'd be awfully glad if you'd stay the night.
The sheets will be aired."
I had to promise--and he set off with an
umbrella, in the rain, at the same time asking Hawken to take a flashlight and
go in front. So that was how they went, in single file along the path over the
fields to Mrs. Drummond's house, Hawken in front, with flashlight and umbrella,
curving round to light up in front of Mrs. Drummond, who, with umbrella only,
walked isolated between two lights, Rawdon shining his flashlight on her from
the rear from under his umbrella. I turned indoors.
So that was over! At least, for the moment!
I thought I would go upstairs and see how damp
the bed in the guest-chamber was before I actually stayed the night with
Rawdon. He never had guests--preferred to go away himself.
The guest-chamber was a good room across a
passage and round a corner from Rawdon's room--its door just opposite the
padded service-door. This latter service-door stood open, and a light shone
through. I went into the spare bedroom, switching on the light.
To my surprise, the bed looked as if it had just
been left--the sheets tumbled, the pillows pressed. I put in my hands under the
bedclothes, and it was warm. Very curious!
As I stood looking round in mild wonder, I heard
a voice call softly: "Joe!"
"Yes!" said I instinctively, and,
though startled, strode at once out of the room and through the servants' door,
towards the voice. Light shone from the open doorway of one of the servants'
rooms.
There was a muffled little shriek, and I was
standing looking into what was probably Hawken's bedroom, and seeing a soft and
pretty white leg and a pretty feminine posterior very thinly dimmed in a rather
short night-dress, just in the act of climbing into a narrow little bed, and,
then arrested, the owner of the pretty posterior burying her face in the
bed-clothes, to be invisible, like the ostrich in the sand.
I discreetly withdrew, went downstairs and
poured myself a glass of wine. And very shortly Rawdon returned looking like
Hamlet in the last act.
He said nothing, neither did I. We sat and
merely smoked. Only as he was seeing me upstairs to bed, in the now immaculate
bedroom, he said pathetically:
"Why aren't women content to be what a man
wants them to be?"
"Why aren't they!" said I wearily.
"I thought I had made everything
clear," he said.
"You start at the wrong end," said I.
And as I said it, the picture came into my mind
of the pretty feminine butt-end in Hawken's bedroom. Yes, Hawken made better
starts, wherever he ended.
When he brought me my cup of tea in the morning,
he was very soft and cat-like. I asked him what sort of day it was, and he
asked me if I'd had a good night, and was I comfortable.
"Very comfortable!" said I. "But
I turned you out, I'm afraid."
"Me, sir?" He turned on me a face of
utter bewilderment.
But I looked him in the eye.
"Is your name Joe?" I asked him.
"You're right, sir."
"So is mine," said I. "However, I
didn't see her face, so it's all right. I suppose you were a
bit tight, in that little bed!"
"Well, sir!" and he flashed me a smile
of amazing impudence, and lowered his tone to utter confidence. "This is
the best bed in the house, this is." And he touched it softly.
"You've not tried them all, surely?"
A look of indignant horror on his face!
"No, sir, indeed I haven't."
That day, Rawdon left for London, on his way to
Tunis, and Hawken was to follow him. The roof of his house looked just the
same.
The Drummonds moved too--went away somewhere,
and left a lot of unsatisfied tradespeople behind.
STRIKE-PAY
Strike-money is paid in the Primitive Methodist
Chapel. The crier was round quite early on Wednesday morning to say that paying
would begin at ten o'clock.
The Primitive Methodist Chapel is a big barn of
a place, built, designed, and paid for by the colliers themselves. But it
threatened to fall down from its first form, so that a professional architect had
to be hired at last to pull the place together.
It stands in the Square. Forty years ago, when
Bryan and Wentworth opened their pits, they put up the "squares" of
miners' dwellings. They are two great quadrangles of houses, enclosing a barren
stretch of ground, littered with broken pots and rubbish, which forms a square,
a great, sloping, lumpy playground for the children, a drying-ground for many
women's washing.
Wednesday is still wash-day with some women. As
the men clustered round the Chapel, they heard the thud-thud-thud of many
pouches, women pounding away at the wash-tub with a wooden pestle. In the
Square the white clothes were waving in the wind from a maze of clothes-lines,
and here and there women were pegging out, calling to the miners, or to the
children who dodged under the flapping sheets.
Ben Townsend, the Union agent, has a bad way of
paying. He takes the men in order of his round, and calls them by name. A big,
oratorical man with a grey beard, he sat at the table in the Primitive school-room,
calling name after name. The room was crowded with colliers, and a great group
pushed up outside. There was much confusion. Ben dodged from the Scargill
Street list to the Queen Street. For this Queen Street men were not prepared.
They were not to the fore.
"Joseph Grooby--Joseph Grooby! Now, Joe,
where are you?"
"Hold on a bit, Sorry!" cried Joe from
outside. "I'm shovin' up."
There was a great noise from the men.
"I'm takin' Queen Street. All you Queen
Street men should be ready. Here you are, Joe," said the Union agent
loudly.
"Five children!" said Joe, counting
the money suspiciously.
"That's right, I think," came the
mouthing voice. "Fifteen shillings, is it not?"
"A bob a kid," said the collier.
"Thomas Sedgwick--How are you, Tom? Missis
better?"
"Ay, 'er's shapin' nicely. Tha'rt hard at
work to-day, Ben." This was sarcasm on the idleness of a man who had given
up the pit to become a Union agent.
"Yes. I rose at four to fetch the
money."
"Dunna hurt thysen," was the retort,
and the men laughed.
"No--John Merfin!"
But the colliers, tired with waiting, excited by
the strike spirit, began to rag. Merfin was young and dandiacal. He was
choir-master at the Wesleyan Chapel.
"Does your collar cut, John?" asked a
sarcastic voice out of the crowd.
"Hymn Number Nine.
'Diddle-diddle dumpling, my son John
Went to bed with his best suit on,'"
came the solemn announcement.
Mr. Merfin, his white cuffs down to his
knuckles, picked up his half-sovereign, and walked away loftily.
"Sam Coutts!" cried the paymaster.
"Now, lad, reckon it up," shouted the
voice of the crowd, delighted.
Mr. Coutts was a straight-backed ne'er-do-well.
He looked at his twelve shillings sheepishly.
"Another two-bob--he had twins a-Monday
night--get thy money, Sam, tha's earned it--tha's addled it, Sam; dunna go
be-out it. Let him ha' the two bob for 'is twins, mister," came the
clamour from the men around.
Sam Coutts stood grinning awkwardly.
"You should ha' given us notice, Sam,"
said the paymaster suavely. "We can make it all right for you next
week--"
"Nay, nay, nay," shouted a voice.
"Pay on delivery--the goods is there right enough."
"Get thy money, Sam, tha's addled it,"
became the universal cry, and the Union agent had to hand over another florin,
to prevent a disturbance. Sam Coutts grinned with satisfaction.
"Good shot, Sam," the men exclaimed.
"Ephraim Wharmby," shouted the
pay-man.
A lad came forward.
"Gi' him sixpence for what's on
t'road," said a sly voice.
"Nay, nay," replied Ben Townsend;
"pay on delivery."
There was a roar of laughter. The miners were in
high spirits.
In the town they stood about in gangs, talking
and laughing. Many sat on their heels in the market-place. In and out of the
public-houses they went, and on every bar the half-sovereigns clicked.
"Comin' ter Nottingham wi' us,
Ephraim?" said Sam Coutts to the slender, pale young fellow of about
twenty-two.
"I'm non walkin' that far of a gleamy day
like this."
"He has na got the strength," said
somebody, and a laugh went up.
"How's that?" asked another pertinent
voice.
"He's a married man, mind yer," said
Chris Smitheringale, "an' it ta'es a bit o' keepin' up."
The youth was teased in this manner for some
time.
"Come on ter Nottingham wi's; tha'll be
safe for a bit," said Coutts.
A gang set off, although it was only eleven
o'clock. It was a nine-mile walk. The road was crowded with colliers travelling
on foot to see the match between Notts and Aston Villa. In Ephraim's gang were
Sam Coutts, with his fine shoulders and his extra florin, Chris Smitheringale,
fat and smiling, and John Wharmby, a remarkable man, tall, erect as a soldier,
black-haired and proud; he could play any musical instrument, he declared.
"I can play owt from a comb up'ards. If
there's music to be got outer a thing, I back I'll get it. No matter what shape
or form of instrument you set before me, it doesn't signify if I nivir clapped
eyes on it before, I's warrant I'll have a tune out of it in five
minutes."
He beguiled the first two miles so. It was true,
he had caused a sensation by introducing the mandoline into the townlet,
filling the hearts of his fellow-colliers with pride as he sat on the platform
in evening dress, a fine soldierly man, bowing his black head, and scratching
the mewing mandoline with hands that had only to grasp the "instrument"
to crush it entirely.
Chris stood a can round at the "White
Bull" at Gilt Brook. John Wharmby took his turn at Kimberley top.
"We wunna drink again," they decided,
"till we're at Cinder Hill. We'll non stop i' Nuttall."
They swung along the high-road under the budding
trees. In Nuttall churchyard the crocuses blazed with yellow at the brim of the
balanced, black yews. White and purple crocuses dipt up over the graves, as if
the churchyard were bursting out in tiny tongues of flame.
"Sithee," said Ephraim, who was an
ostler down pit, "sithee, here comes the Colonel. Sithee at his 'osses how
they pick their toes up, the beauties!"
The Colonel drove past the men, who took no
notice of him.
"Hast heard, Sorry," said Sam,
"as they're com'n out i' Germany, by the thousand, an' begun
riotin'?"
"An' comin' out i' France simbitar,"
cried Chris.
The men all gave a chuckle.
"Sorry," shouted John Wharmby, much
elated, "we oughtna ter go back under a twenty per cent rise."
"We should get it," said Chris.
"An' easy! They can do nowt bi-out us, we'n
on'y ter stop out long enough."
"I'm willin'," said Sam, and there was
a laugh. The colliers looked at one another. A thrill went through them as if
an electric current passed.
"We'n on'y ter stick out, an' we s'll see
who's gaffer."
"Us!" cried Sam. "Why, what can
they do again' us, if we come out all over th' world?"
"Nowt!" said John Wharmby. "Th'
mesters is bobbin' about like corks on a cassivoy a'ready." There was a
large natural reservoir, like a lake, near Bestwood, and this supplied the
simile.
Again there passed through the men that wave of
elation, quickening their pulses. They chuckled in their throats. Beyond all
consciousness was this sense of battle and triumph in the hearts of the
working-men at this juncture.
It was suddenly suggested at Nuttall that they
should go over the fields to Bulwell, and into Nottingham that way. They went
single file across the fallow, past the wood, and over the railway, where now
no trains were running. Two fields away was a troop of pit ponies. Of all
colours, but chiefly of red or brown, they clustered thick in the field,
scarcely moving, and the two lines of trodden earth patches showed where fodder
was placed down the field.
"Theer's the pit 'osses," said Sam.
"Let's run 'em."
"It's like a circus turned out. See them
skewbawd 'uns--seven skewbawd," said Ephraim.
The ponies were inert, unused to freedom.
Occasionally one walked round. But there they stood, two thick lines of ruddy
brown and piebald and white, across the trampled field. It was a beautiful day,
mild, pale blue, a "growing day", as the men said, when there was the
silence of swelling sap everywhere.
"Let's ha'e a ride," said Ephraim.
The younger men went up to the horses.
"Come on--co-oop, Taffy--co-oop,
Ginger."
The horses tossed away. But having got over the
excitement of being above-ground, the animals were feeling dazed and rather
dreary. They missed the warmth and the life of the pit. They looked as if life
were a blank to them.
Ephraim and Sam caught a couple of steeds, on
whose backs they went careering round, driving the rest of the sluggish herd
from end to end of the field. The horses were good specimens, on the whole, and
in fine condition. But they were out of their element.
Performing too clever a feat, Ephraim went
rolling from his mount. He was soon up again, chasing his horse. Again he was
thrown. Then the men proceeded on their way.
They were drawing near to miserable Bulwell,
when Ephraim, remembering his turn was coming to stand drinks, felt in his
pocket for his beloved half-sovereign, his strike-pay. It was not there.
Through all his pockets he went, his heart sinking like lead.
"Sam," he said, "I believe I'n
lost that ha'ef a sovereign."
"Tha's got it somewheer about thee,"
said Chris.
They made him take off his coat and waistcoat.
Chris examined the coat, Sam the waistcoat, whilst Ephraim searched his
trousers.
"Well," said Chris, "I'n foraged
this coat, an' it's non theer."
"An' I'll back my life as th' on'y bit a
metal on this wa'scoat is the buttons," said Sam.
"An' it's non in my breeches," said
Ephraim. He took off his boots and his stockings. The half-sovereign was not
there. He had not another coin in his possession.
"Well," said Chris, "we mun go
back an' look for it."
Back they went, four serious-hearted colliers,
and searched the field, but in vain.
"Well," said Chris, "we s'll ha'e
ter share wi' thee, that's a'."
"I'm willin'," said John Wharmby.
"An' me," said Sam.
"Two bob each," said Chris.
Ephraim, who was in the depths of despair,
shamefully accepted their six shillings.
In Bulwell they called in a small public-house,
which had one long room with a brick floor, scrubbed benches and scrubbed
tables. The central space was open. The place was full of colliers, who were
drinking. There was a great deal of drinking during the strike, but not a vast
amount drunk. Two men were playing skittles, and the rest were betting. The
seconds sat on either side the skittle-board, holding caps of money, sixpences
and coppers, the wagers of the "backers".
Sam, Chris, and John Wharmby immediately put
money on the man who had their favour. In the end Sam declared himself willing
to play against the victor. He was the Bestwood champion. Chris and John
Wharmby backed him heavily, and even Ephraim the Unhappy ventured sixpence.
In the end, Sam had won half a crown, with which
he promptly stood drinks and bread and cheese for his comrades. At half-past
one they set off again.
It was a good match between Notts and Villa--no
goals at half-time, two-none for Notts at the finish. The colliers were hugely
delighted, especially as Flint, the forward for Notts, who was an Underwood man
well known to the four comrades, did some handsome work, putting the two goals
through.
Ephraim determined to go home as soon as the
match was over. He knew John Wharmby would be playing the piano at the
"Punch Bowl", and Sam, who had a good tenor voice, singing, while
Chris cut in with witticisms, until evening. So he bade them farewell, as he
must get home. They, finding him somewhat of a damper on their spirits, let him
go.
He was the sadder for having witnessed an
accident near the football-ground. A navvy, working at some drainage, carting
an iron tip-tub of mud and emptying it, had got with his horse on to the deep
deposit of ooze which was crusted over. The crust had broken, the man had gone
under the horse, and it was some time before the people had realised he had
vanished. When they found his feet sticking out, and hauled him forth, he was
dead, stifled dead in the mud. The horse was at length hauled out, after having
its neck nearly pulled from the socket.
Ephraim went home vaguely impressed with a sense
of death, and loss, and strife. Death was loss greater than his own, the strike
was a battle greater than that he would presently have to fight.
He arrived home at seven o'clock, just when it
had fallen dark. He lived in Queen Street with his young wife, to whom he had
been married two months, and with his mother-in-law, a widow of sixty-four.
Maud was the last child remaining unmarried, the last of eleven.
Ephraim went up the entry. The light was burning
in the kitchen. His mother-in-law was a big, erect woman, with wrinkled, loose
face, and cold blue eyes. His wife was also large, with very vigorous fair
hair, frizzy like unravelled rope. She had a quiet way of stepping, a certain
cat-like stealth, in spite of her large build. She was five months pregnant.
"Might we ask wheer you've been to?"
inquired Mrs. Marriott, very erect, very dangerous. She was only polite when
she was very angry.
"I' bin ter th' match."
"Oh, indeed!" said the mother-in-law.
"And why couldn't we be told as you thought of jaunting off?"
"I didna know mysen," he answered,
sticking to his broad Derbyshire.
"I suppose it popped into your mind, an' so
you darted off," said the mother-in-law dangerously.
"I didna. It wor Chris Smitheringale who
exed me."
"An' did you take much invitin'?"
"I didna want ter goo."
"But wasn't there enough man beside your
jacket to say no?"
He did not answer. Down at the bottom he hated
her. But he was, to use his own words, all messed up with having lost his
strike-pay and with knowing the man was dead. So he was more helpless before
his mother-in-law, whom he feared. His wife neither looked at him nor spoke,
but kept her head bowed. He knew she was with her mother.
"Our Maud's been waitin' for some money, to
get a few things," said the mother-in-law.
In silence, he put five-and-sixpence on the
table.
"Take that up, Maud," said the mother.
Maud did so.
"You'll want it for us board, shan't
you?" she asked, furtively, of her mother.
"Might I ask if there's nothing you want to
buy yourself, first?"
"No, there's nothink I want," answered
the daughter.
Mrs. Marriott took the silver and counted it.
"And do you," said the mother-in-law,
towering upon the shrinking son, but speaking slowly and statelily, "do
you think I'm going to keep you and your wife for five and sixpence a
week?"
"It's a' I've got," he answered
sulkily.
"You've had a good jaunt, my sirs, if it's
cost four and sixpence. You've started your game early, haven't you?"
He did not answer.
"It's a nice thing! Here's our Maud an' me
been sitting since eleven o'clock this morning! Dinner waiting and cleared
away, tea waiting and washed up; then in he comes crawling with five and
sixpence. Five and sixpence for a man an' wife's board for a week, if you
please!"
Still he did not say anything.
"You must think something of yourself,
Ephraim Wharmby!" said his mother-in-law. "You must think something
of yourself. You suppose, do you, I'm going to keep you an'
your wife, while you make a holiday, off on the nines to Nottingham, drink an'
women."
"I've neither had drink nor women, as you
know right well," he said.
"I'm glad we know summat about you. For
you're that close, anybody'd think we was foreigners to you. You're a pretty
little jockey, aren't you? Oh, it's a gala time for you, the strike is. That's
all men strike for, indeed. They enjoy themselves, they do that. Ripping and
racing and drinking, from morn till night, my sirs!"
"Is there on'y tea for me?" he asked,
in a temper.
"Hark at him! Hark-ye! Should I ask you
whose house you think you're in? Kindly order me about, do. Oh, it makes him
big, the strike does. See him land home after being out on the spree for hours,
and give his orders, my sirs! Oh, strike sets the men up, it does. Nothing have
they to do but guzzle and gallivant to Nottingham. Their wives'll keep them, oh
yes. So long as they get something to eat at home, what more do they want! What
more should they want, prithee? Nothing! Let the women and
children starve and scrape, but fill the man's belly, and let him have his
fling. My sirs, indeed, I think so! Let tradesmen go--what do they matter! Let
rent go. Let children get what they can catch. Only the man will see he's all
right. But not here, though!"
"Are you goin' ter gi'e me ony bloody
tea?"
His mother-in-law started up.
"If tha dares ter swear at me, I'll lay
thee flat."
"Are yer--goin' ter--gi'e me--any blasted,
rotten, còssed, blòody tèa?" he bawled, in a fury, accenting every other
word deliberately.
"Maud!" said the mother-in-law, cold
and stately, "If you gi'e him any tea after that, you're a trollops."
Whereupon she sailed out to her other daughters.
Maud quietly got the tea ready.
"Shall y'ave your dinner warmed up?"
she asked.
"Ay."
She attended to him. Not that she was really
meek. But--he was her man, not her mother's.
THE BLUE MOCCASINS
The fashion in women changes nowadays even
faster than women's fashions. At twenty, Lina M'Leod was almost painfully
modern. At sixty almost obsolete!
She started off in life to be really
independent. In that remote day, forty years ago, when a woman said she was
going to be independent, it meant she was having no nonsense with men. She was
kicking over the masculine traces, and living her own life, manless.
To-day, when a girl says she is going to be
independent, it means she is going to devote her attentions almost exclusively
to men; though not necessarily to "a man".
Miss M'Leod had an income from her mother.
Therefore, at the age of twenty, she turned her back on that image of tyranny,
her father, and went to Paris to study art. Art having been studied, she turned
her attention to the globe of earth. Being terribly independent, she soon made
Africa look small; she dallied energetically with vast hinterlands of China;
and she knew the Rocky Mountains and the deserts of Arizona as if she had been
married to them. All this, to escape mere man.
It was in New Mexico she purchased the blue
moccasins, blue bead moccasins, from an Indian who was her guide and her
subordinate. In her independence she made use of men, of course, but merely as
servants, subordinates.
When the war broke out she came home. She was
then forty-five, and already going grey. Her brother, two years older than
herself, but a bachelor, went off to the war; she stayed at home in the small
family mansion in the country, and did what she could. She was small and erect
and brief in her speech, her face was like pale ivory, her skin like a very
delicate parchment, and her eyes were very blue. There was no nonsense about
her, though she did paint pictures. She never even touched her delicately
parchment face with pigment. She was good enough as she was, honest-to-God, and
the country town had a tremendous respect for her.
In her various activities she came pretty often
into contact with Percy Barlow, the clerk at the bank, He was only twenty-two
when she first set eyes on him in 1914, and she immediately liked him. He was a
stranger in the town, his father being a poor country vicar in Yorkshire. But
he was of the confiding sort. He soon confided in Miss M'Leod, for whom he had
a towering respect, how he disliked his step-mother, how he feared his father,
was but as wax in the hands of that downright woman, and how, in consequence, he
was homeless. Wrath shone in his pleasant features, but somehow it was an
amusing wrath; at least to Miss M'Leod.
He was distinctly a good-looking boy, with stiff
dark hair and odd, twinkling grey eyes under thick dark brows, and a rather
full mouth and a queer, deep voice that had a caressing touch of hoarseness. It
was his voice that somehow got behind Miss M'Leod's reserve. Not that he had
the faintest intention of so doing. He looked up to her immensely: "She's
miles above me."
When she watched him playing tennis, letting
himself go a bit too much, hitting too hard, running too fast, being too nice
to his partner, her heart yearned over him. The orphan in him! Why should he go
and be shot? She kept him at home as long as possible, working with her at all
kinds of war-work. He was so absolutely willing to do everything she wanted:
devoted to her.
But at last the time came when he must go. He
was now twenty-four and she was forty-seven. He came to say good-bye, in his
awkward fashion. She suddenly turned away, leaned her forehead against the
wall, and burst into bitter tears. He was frightened out of his wits. Before he
knew what was happening he had his arm in front of his face and was sobbing
too.
She came to comfort him. "Don't cry, dear,
don't! It will all be all right,"
At last he wiped his face on his sleeve and
looked at her sheepishly. "It was you crying as did me in," he said.
Her blue eyes were brilliant with tears. She suddenly kissed him.
"You are such a dear!" she said
wistfully. Then she added, flushing suddenly vivid pink under her transparent
parchment skin: "It wouldn't be right for you to marry an old thing like
me, would it?"
He looked at her dumbfounded.
"No, I'm too old," she added hastily.
"Don't talk about old! You're not
old!" he said hotly.
"At least I'm too old for that,"
she said sadly.
"Not as far as I'm concerned," he
said. "You're younger than me, in most ways, I'm hanged if you're
not!"
"Are you hanged if I'm not?" she
teased wistfully.
"I am," he said. "And if I
thought you wanted me, I'd be jolly proud if you married me. I would, I assure
you."
"Would you?" she said, still teasing
him.
Nevertheless, the next time he was home on leave
she married him, very quietly, but very definitely. He was a young lieutenant.
They stayed in her family home, Twybit Hall, for the honeymoon. It was her
house now, her brother being dead. And they had a strangely happy month. She
had made a strange discovery: a man.
He went off to Gallipoli, and became a captain.
He came home in 1919, still green with malaria, but otherwise sound. She was in
her fiftieth year. And she was almost white-haired; long, thick, white hair,
done perfectly, and perfectly creamy, colourless face, with very blue eyes.
He had been true to her, not being very forward
with women. But he was a bit startled by her white hair. However, he shut his
eyes to it, and loved her. And she, though frightened and somewhat bewildered,
was happy. But she was bewildered. It always seemed awkward to her, that he
should come wandering into her room in his pyjamas when she was half dressed,
and brushing her hair. And he would sit there silent, watching her brush the
long swinging river of silver, of her white hair, the bare, ivory-white,
slender arm working with a strange mechanical motion, sharp and forcible,
brushing down the long silvery stream of hair. He would sit as if mesmerised,
just gazing. And she would at last glance round sharply, and he would rise,
saying some little casual thing to her and smiling to her oddly with his eyes.
Then he would go out, his thin cotton pyjamas hitching up over his hips, for he
was a rather big-built fellow. And she would feel dazed, as if she did not
quite know her own self any more. And the queer, ducking motion of his silently
going out of her door impressed her ominously, his curious cat head, his big
hips and limbs.
They were alone in the house, save for the
servants. He had no work. They lived modestly, for a good deal of her money had
been lost during the war. But she still painted pictures. Marriage had only
stimulated her to this. She painted canvases of flowers, beautiful flowers that
thrilled her soul. And he would sit, pipe in fist, silent, and watch her. He
had nothing to do. He just sat and watched her small, neat figure and her
concentrated movements as she painted. Then he knocked out his pipe and filled
it again.
She said that at last she was perfectly happy.
And he said that he was perfectly happy. They were always together. He hardly
went out, save riding in the lanes. And practically nobody came to the house.
But still, they were very silent with one
another. The old chatter had died out. And he did not read much. He just sat
still, and smoked, and was silent. It got on her nerves sometimes, and she
would think as she had thought in the past, that the highest bliss a human
being can experience is perhaps the bliss of being quite alone, quite, quite
alone.
His bank firm offered to make him manager of the
local branch, and, at her advice, he accepted. Now he went out of the house
every morning and came home every evening, which was much more agreeable. The
rector begged him to sing again in the church choir: and again she advised him
to accept. These were the old grooves in which his bachelor life had run. He
felt more like himself.
He was popular: a nice, harmless fellow,
everyone said of him. Some of the men secretly pitied him. They made rather
much of him, took him home to luncheon, and let him loose with their daughters.
He was popular among the daughters too: naturally, for if a girl expressed a
wish, he would instinctively say: "What! Would you like it? I'll get it
for you." And if he were not in a position to satisfy the desire, he would
say: "I only wish I could do it for you. I'd do it like a shot." All
of which he meant.
At the same time, though he got on so well with
the maidens of the town, there was no coming forward about him. He was, in some
way, not wakened up. Good-looking, and big, and serviceable, he was inwardly
remote, without self-confidence, almost without a self at all.
The rector's daughter took upon herself to wake
him up. She was exactly as old as he was, a smallish, rather sharp-faced young
woman who had lost her husband in the war, and it had been a grief to her. But
she took the stoic attitude of the young: You've got to live, so you may as
well do it! She was a kindly soul, in spite of her sharpness. And she had a
very perky little red-brown Pomeranian dog that she had bought in Florence in
the street, but which had turned out a handsome little fellow. Miss M'Leod
looked down a bit on Alice Howells and her pom, so Mrs. Howells felt no special
love for Miss M'Leod--"Mrs. Barlow, that is!" she would add sharply.
"For it's quite impossible to think of her as anything but Miss
M'Leod!"
Percy was really more at ease at the rectory,
where the pom yapped and Mrs. Howells changed her dress three or four times a
day, and looked it, than in the semi-cloisteral atmosphere of Twybit Hall,
where Miss M'Leod wore tweeds and a natural knitted jumper, her skirts rather
long, her hair done up pure silver, and painted her wonderful flower pictures
in the deepening silence of the daytime. At evening she would go up to change,
after he came home. And though it thrilled her to have a man coming into her room
as he dressed, snapping his collar-stud, to tell her something trivial as she
stood bare-armed in her silk slip, rapidly coiling up the rope of silver hair
behind her head, still, it worried her. When he was there, he couldn't keep
away from her. And he would watch her, watch her, watch her as if she was the
ultimate revelation. Sometimes it made her irritable. She was so absolutely
used to her own privacy. What was he looking at? She never watched him. Rather
she looked the other way. His watching tried her nerves. She was turned fifty.
And his great silent body loomed almost dreadful.
He was quite happy playing tennis or croquet
with Alice Howells and the rest. Alice was choir-mistress, a bossy little
person outwardly, inwardly rather forlorn and affectionate, and not very sure
that life hadn't let her down for good. She was now over thirty--and had no one
but the pom and her father and the parish--nothing in her really intimate life.
But she was very cheerful, busy, even gay, with her choir and school work, her
dancing, and flirting, and dressmaking.
She was intrigued by Percy Barlow.
"How can a man be so nice to everybody?"
she asked him, a little exasperated. "Well, why not?" he replied,
with the odd smile of his eyes. "It's not why he shouldn't, but how he
manages to do it! How can you have so much good-nature? I have to
be catty to some people, but you're nice to everybody."
"Oh, am I!" he said ominously.
He was like a man in a dream, or in a cloud. He
was quite a good bank-manager, in fact very intelligent. Even in appearance,
his great charm was his beautifully-shaped head. He had plenty of brains,
really. But in his will, in his body, he was asleep. And sometimes this
lethargy, or coma, made him look haggard. And sometimes it made his body seem inert
and despicable, meaningless.
Alice Howells longed to ask him about his wife.
"Do you love her? Can you really care for
her?" But she daren't. She daren't ask him one word about his wife.
Another thing she couldn't do, she couldn't persuade him to dance. Never, not
once. But in everything else he was pliable as wax.
Mrs. Barlow--Miss M'Leod--stayed out at Twybit
all the time. She did not even come in to church on Sunday. She had shaken off
church, among other things. And she watched Percy depart, and felt just a
little humiliated. He was going to sing in the choir! Yes, marriage was also a
humiliation to her. She had distinctly married beneath her.
The years had gone by: she was now fifty-seven,
Percy was thirty-four. He was still, in many ways, a boy. But in his curious
silence, he was ageless. She managed him with perfect ease. If she expressed a
wish, he acquiesced at once. So now it was agreed he should not come to her
room any more. And he never did. But sometimes she went to him in his room, and
was winsome in a pathetic, heart-breaking way.
She twisted him round her little finger, as the
saying goes. And yet secretly she was afraid of him. In the early years he had
displayed a clumsy but violent sort of passion, from which she had shrunk away.
She felt it had nothing to do with her. It was just his indiscriminating desire
for Woman, and for his own satisfaction. Whereas she was not just unidentified
Woman, to give him his general satisfaction. So she had recoiled, and withdrawn
herself. She had put him off. She had regained the absolute privacy of her
room.
He was perfectly sweet about it. Yet she was
uneasy with him now. She was afraid of him; or rather, not of him, but of a
mysterious something in him. She was not a bit afraid of him, oh
no! And when she went to him now, to be nice to him, in her pathetic
winsomeness of an unused woman of fifty-seven, she found him sweet-natured as
ever, but really indifferent. He saw her pathos and her winsomeness. In some
way, the mystery of her, her thick white hair, her vivid blue eyes, her
ladylike refinement still fascinated him. But his bodily desire for her had
gone, utterly gone. And secretly, she was rather glad. But as he looked at her,
looked at her, as he lay there so silent, she was afraid, as if some finger
were pointed at her. Yet she knew, the moment she spoke to him, he would twist
his eyes to that good-natured and "kindly" smile of his.
It was in the late, dark months of this year
that she missed the blue moccasins. She had hung them on a nail in his room.
Not that he ever wore them: they were too small. Nor did she: they were too
big. Moccasins are male footwear, among the Indians, not female. But they were
of a lovely turquoise-blue colour, made all of little turquoise beads, with
little forked flames of dead-white and dark-green. When, at the beginning of
their marriage, he had exclaimed over them, she had said: "Yes! Aren't
they a lovely colour! So blue!" And he had replied: "Not as blue as
your eyes, even then."
So, naturally, she had hung them up on the wall
in his room, and there they had stayed. Till, one November day, when there were
no flowers, and she was pining to paint a still-life with something blue in
it--oh, so blue, like delphiniums!--she had gone to his room for the moccasins.
And they were not there. And though she hunted, she could not find them. Nor
did the maids know anything of them.
So she asked him: "Percy, do you know where
those blue moccasins are, which hung in your room?" There was a moment's
dead silence. Then he looked at her with his good-naturedly twinkling eyes, and
said: "No, I know nothing of them." There was
another dead pause. She did not believe him. But being a perfect lady, she only
said, as she turned away: "Well then, how curious it is!" And there
was another dead pause. Out of which he asked her what she wanted them for, and
she told him. Whereon the matter lapsed.
It was November, and Percy was out in the
evening fairly often now. He was rehearsing for a "play" which was to
be given in the church schoolroom at Christmas. He had asked her about it.
"Do you think it's a bit infra dig., if I play one of the
characters?" She had looked at him mildly, disguising her real feeling.
"If you don't feel personally humiliated," she said,
"then there's nothing else to consider." And he had answered:
"Oh, it doesn't upset me at all." So she mildly
said: "Then do it, by all means." Adding at the back of her mind: If
it amuses you, child!--but she thought, a change had indeed come over the
world, when the master of Twybit Hall, or even, for that matter, the manager of
the dignified Stubb's Bank, should perform in public on a schoolroom stage in
amateur theatricals. And she kept calmly aloof, preferring not to know any
details. She had a world of her own.
When he had said to Alice Howells: "You
don't think other folk'll mind--clients of the bank and so forth--think it
beneath my dignity?" she had cried, looking up into his twinkling eyes:
"Oh, you don't have to keep your dignity on ice,
Percy--any more than I do mine."
The play was to be performed for the first time
on Christmas Eve: and after the play, there was the midnight service in church.
Percy therefore told his wife not to expect him home till the small hours, at
least. So he drove himself off in the car.
As night fell, and rain, Miss M'Leod felt a
little forlorn. She was left out of everything. Life was slipping past her. It
was Christmas Eve, and she was more alone than she had ever been. Percy only
seemed to intensify her aloneness, leaving her in this fashion.
She decided not to be left out. She would go to
the play too. It was past six o'clock, and she had worked herself into a highly
nervous state. Outside was darkness and rain: inside was silence, forlornness.
She went to the telephone and rang up the garage in Shrewbury. It was with
great difficulty she got them to promise to send a car for her: Mr. Slater
would have to fetch her himself in the two-seater runabout: everything else was
out.
She dressed nervously, in a dark-green dress
with a few modest jewels. Looking at herself in the mirror, she still thought
herself slim, young-looking and distinguished. She did not see how
old-fashioned she was, with her uncompromising erectness, her glistening knob
of silver hair sticking out behind, and her long dress.
It was a three-mile drive in the rain, to the
small country town. She sat next to old Slater, who was used to driving horses
and was nervous and clumsy with a car, without saying a word. He thankfully
deposited her at the gate of St. Barnabas' School.
It was almost half-past-seven. The schoolroom
was packed and buzzing with excitement. "I'm afraid we haven't a seat
left, Mrs. Barlow!" said Jackson, one of the church sidesmen, who was
standing guard in the school porch, where people were still fighting to get in.
He faced her in consternation. She faced him in consternation. "Well, I
shall have to stay somewhere, till Mr. Barlow can drive me home," she
said. "Couldn't you put me a chair somewhere?"
Worried and flustered, he went worrying and
flustering the other people in charge. The schoolroom was simply packed solid.
But Mr. Simmons, the leading grocer, gave up his chair in the front row to Mrs.
Barlow, whilst he sat in a chair right under the stage, where he couldn't see a
thing. But he could see Mrs. Barlow seated between his wife and daughter,
speaking a word or two to them occasionally, and that was enough.
The lights went down: The Shoes of
Shagput was about to begin. The amateur curtains were drawn back,
disclosing the little amateur stage with a white amateur back-cloth daubed to
represent a Moorish courtyard. In stalked Percy, dressed as a Moor, his face
darkened. He looked quite handsome, his pale grey eyes queer and startling in
his dark face. But he was afraid of the audience--he spoke away from them,
stalking around clumsily. After a certain amount of would-be funny dialogue, in
tripped the heroine, Alice Howells, of course. She was an Eastern houri, in
white gauze Turkish trousers, silver veil, and--the blue moccasins. The whole
stage was white, save for her blue moccasins, Percy's dark-green sash, and a
negro boy's red fez.
When Mrs. Barlow saw the blue moccasins, a
little bomb of rage exploded in her. This, of all places! The blue moccasins
that she had bought in the western deserts! The blue moccasins that were not so
blue as her own eyes! Her blue moccasins! On the feet of that
creature, Mrs. Howells.
Alice Howells was not afraid of the audience.
She looked full at them, lifting her silver veil. And of course she saw Mrs.
Barlow, sitting there like the Ancient of Days in judgment, in the front row.
And a bomb of rage exploded in her breast too.
In the play, Alice was the wife of the
grey-bearded old Caliph, but she captured the love of the young Ali, otherwise
Percy, and the whole business was the attempt of these two to evade Caliph and
negro-eunuchs and ancient crones, and get into each other's arms. The blue
shoes were very important: for while the sweet Lelia wore them, the gallant Ali
was to know there was danger. But when she took them off, he might approach
her.
It was all quite childish, and everybody loved
it, and Miss M'Leod might have been quite complacent about it all, had not
Alice Howells got her monkey up, so to speak. Alice with a lot of make-up,
looked boldly handsome. And suddenly bold she was, bold as the devil. All these
years the poor young widow had been "good", slaving in the parish,
and only even flirting just to cheer things up, never going very far and
knowing she could never get anything out of it, but determined never to mope.
Now the sight of Miss M'Leod sitting there so
erect, so coolly "higher plane", and calmly superior, suddenly let
loose a devil in Alice Howells. All her limbs went suave and molten, as her
young sex, long pent up, flooded even to her finger-tips. Her voice was strange,
even to herself, with its long, plaintive notes. She felt all her movements
soft and fluid, she felt herself like living liquid. And it was lovely.
Underneath it all was the sting of malice against Miss M'Leod, sitting there so
erect, with her great knob of white hair.
Alice's business, as the lovely Leila, was to be
seductive to the rather heavy Percy. And seductive she was. In two minutes, she
had him spellbound. He saw nothing of the audience. A faint, fascinated grin
came on to his face, as he acted up to the young woman in the Turkish trousers.
His rather full, hoarse voice changed and became clear, with a new, naked clang
in it. When the two sang together, in the simple banal duets of the play, it
was with a most fascinating intimacy. And when, at the end of Act One, the
lovely Leila kicked off the blue moccasins, saying: "Away, shoes of
bondage, shoes of sorrow!" and danced a little dance all alone, barefoot,
in her Turkish trousers, in front of her fascinated hero, his smile was so
spellbound that everybody else was spellbound too.
Miss M'Leod's indignation knew no bounds. When
the blue moccasins were kicked across the stage by the brazen Alice, with the
words: "Away, shoes of bondage, shoes of sorrow!" the elder woman
grew pink with fury, and it was all she could do not to rise and snatch the
moccasins from the stage, and bear them away. She sat in speechless indignation
during the brief curtain between Act One and Act Two. Her moccasins! Her blue
moccasins! Of the sacred blue colour, the turquoise of heaven.
But there they were, in Act Two, on the feet of
the bold Alice. It was becoming too much. And the love-scenes between Percy and
the young woman were becoming nakedly shameful. Alice grew worse and worse. She
was worked up now, caught in her own spell, and unconscious of everything save
of him, and the sting of that other woman, who presumed to own him. Own him?
Ha-ha! For he was fascinated. The queer smile on his face, the concentrated
gleam of his eyes, the queer way he leaned forward from his loins towards her,
the new, reckless, throaty twang in his voice--the audience had before their
eyes a man spellbound and lost in passion.
Miss M'Leod sat in shame and torment, as if her
chair was red-hot. She too was fast losing her normal consciousness, in the
spell of rage. She was outraged. The second Act was working up to its climax.
The climax came. The lovely Leila kicked off the blue shoes: "Away, shoes
of bondage, away!" and flew barefoot to the enraptured Ali, flinging
herself into his arms. And if ever a man was gone in sheer desire, it was
Percy, as he pressed the woman's lithe form against his body, and seemed
unconsciously to envelop her, unaware of everything else. While she, blissful
in his spell, but still aware of the audience and of the superior Miss M'Leod,
let herself be wrapped closer and closer.
Miss M'Leod rose to her feet and looked towards
the door. But the way out was packed, with people standing holding their breath
as the two on the stage remained wrapped in each other's arms, and the three
fiddles and the flute softly woke up. Miss M'Leod could not bear it. She was on
her feet, and beside herself. She could not get out. She could not sit down
again.
"Percy!" she said, in a low clear
voice. "Will you hand me my moccasins?"
He lifted his face like a man startled in a
dream, lifted his face from the shoulder of his Leila. His gold-grey eyes were
like softly-startled flames. He looked in sheer horrified wonder at the little
white-haired woman standing below.
"Eh?" he said, purely dazed
"Will you please hand me my
moccasins!"--and she pointed to where they lay on the stage.
Alice had stepped away from him, and was gazing
at the risen viper of the little elderly woman on the tip of the audience. Then
she watched him move across the stage, bending forward from the loins in his
queer mesmerised way, pick up the blue moccasins, and stoop down to hand them
over the edge of the stage to his wife, who reached up for them.
"Thank you!" said Miss M'Leod, seating
herself, with the blue moccasins in her lap.
Alice recovered her composure, gave a sign to
the little orchestra, and began to sing at once, strong and assured, to sing
her part in the duet that closed the Act. She knew she could command public
opinion in her favour.
He too recovered at once, the little smile came
back on his face, he calmly forgot his wife again as he sang his share in the
duet. It was finished. The curtains were pulled to. There was immense cheering.
The curtains opened, and Alice and Percy bowed to the audience, smiling both of
them their peculiar secret smile, while Miss M'Leod sat with the blue moccasins
in her lap.
The curtains were closed, it was the long
interval. After a few moments of hesitation, Mrs. Barlow rose with dignity,
gathered her wrap over her arm, and with the blue moccasins in her hand, moved
towards the door. Way was respectfully made for her.
"I should like to speak to Mr.
Barlow," she said to Jackson, who had anxiously ushered her in, and now
would anxiously usher her out.
"Yes, Mrs. Barlow."
He led her round to the smaller class-room at
the back, that acted as dressing-room. The amateur actors were drinking
lemonade, and chattering freely. Mrs. Howells came forward, and Jackson
whispered the news to her. She turned to Percy.
"Percy, Mrs. Barlow wants to speak to you.
Shall I come with you?"
"Speak to me? Aye, come on with me."
The two followed the anxious Jackson into the
other half-lighted class-room, where Mrs. Barlow stood in her wrap, holding the
moccasins. She was very pale, and she watched the two butter-muslin Turkish
figures enter, as if they could not possibly be real. She ignored Mrs. Howells
entirely.
"Percy," she said, "I want you to
drive me home."
"Drive you home!" he echoed.
"Yes, please!"
"Why--when?" he said, with vague
bluntness.
"Now--if you don't mind--"
"What--in this get-up?" He looked at
himself.
"I could wait while you changed."
There was a pause. He turned and looked at Alice
Howells, and Alice Howells looked at him. The two women saw each other out of
the corners of their eyes: but it was beneath notice. He turned to his wife,
his black face ludicrously blank, his eyebrows cocked.
"Well, you see," he said, "it's
rather awkward. I can hardly hold up the third Act while I've taken you home
and got back here again, can I?"
"So you intend to play in the third
Act?" she asked with cold ferocity.
"Why, I must, mustn't I?" he said
blankly.
"Do you wish to?" she
said, in all her intensity.
"I do, naturally. I want to finish the
thing up properly," he replied, in the utter innocence of his head; about
his heart he knew nothing.
She turned sharply away.
"Very well!" she said. And she called
to Jackson, who was standing dejectedly near the door: "Mr Jackson, will
you please find some car or conveyance to take me home?"
"Aye! I say, Mr. Jackson," called
Percy in his strong, democratic voice, going forward to the man. "Ask Tom
Lomas if he'll do me a good turn and get my car out of the rectory garage, to
drive Mrs. Barlow home. Aye, ask Tom Lomas! And if not him, ask Mr. Pilkington--Leonard.
The key's there. You don't mind, do you? I'm ever so much obliged--"
The three were left awkwardly alone again.
"I expect you've had enough with two
acts," said Percy soothingly to his wife. "These things aren't up to
your mark. I know it. They're only child's play. But, you see, they please the
people. We've got a packed house, haven't we?"
His wife had nothing to answer. He looked so
ludicrous, with his dark-brown face and butter-muslin bloomers. And his mind
was so ludicrously innocent. His body, however, was not so ridiculously
innocent as his mind, as she knew when he turned to the other woman.
"You and I, we're more on the nonsense
level, aren't we?" he said, with the new, throaty clang of naked intimacy
in his voice. His wife shivered.
"Absolutely on the nonsense level,"
said Alice, with easy assurance.
She looked into his eyes, then she looked at the
blue moccasins in the hand of the other woman. He gave a little start, as if
realising something for himself.
At that moment Tom Lomas looked in, saying
heartily: "Right you are, Percy! I'll have my car here in half a tick. I'm
more handy with it than yours."
"Thanks, old man! You're a Christian."
"Try to be--especially when you turn Turk!
Well--" He disappeared.
"I say, Lina," said Percy in his most
amiable democratic way, "would you mind leaving the moccasins for the next
act? We s'll be in a bit of a hole without them."
Miss M'Leod faced him and stared at him with the
full blast of her forget-me-not blue eyes, from her white face.
"Will you pardon me if I don't?" she
said.
"What!" he exclaimed. "Why? Why
not? It's nothing but play, to amuse the people. I can't see how it can hurt
the moccasins. I understand you don't quite like seeing me
make a fool of myself. But, anyhow, I'm a bit of a born fool. What?"--and
his blackened face laughed with a Turkish laugh. "Oh, yes, you have to
realise I rather enjoy playing the fool," he resumed. "And, after
all, it doesn't really hurt you, now does it? Shan't you leave us
those moccasins for the last act?"
She looked at him, then at the moccasins in her
hand. No, it was useless to yield to so ludicrous a person. The vulgarity of
his wheedling, the commonness of the whole performance! It was useless to yield
even the moccasins. It would be treachery to herself.
"I'm sorry," she said. "But I'd
so much rather they weren't used for this kind of thing. I never intended them
to be." She stood with her face averted from the ridiculous couple.
He changed as if she had slapped his face. He
sat down on top of the low pupils' desk and gazed with glazed interest round
the class-room. Alice sat beside him, in her white gauze and her bedizened
face. They were like two rebuked sparrows on one twig, he with his great, easy,
intimate limbs, she so light and alert. And as he sat he sank into an
unconscious physical sympathy with her. Miss M'Leod walked towards the door.
"You'll have to think of something as'll do
instead," he muttered to Alice in a low voice, meaning the blue moccasins.
And leaning down, he drew off one of the grey shoes she had on, caressing her
foot with the slip of his hand over its slim, bare shape. She hastily put the
bare foot behind her other, shod foot.
Tom Lomas poked in his head, his overcoat collar
turned up to his ears.
"Car's here," he said.
"Right-o! Tom! I'll chalk it up to thee,
lad!" said Percy with heavy breeziness. Then, making a great effort with
himself, he rose heavily and went across to the door, to his wife, saying to
her, in the same stiff voice of false heartiness:
"You'll be as right as rain with Tom. You
won't mind if I don't come out? No! I'd better not show myself to the audience.
Well--I'm glad you came, if only for a while. Good-bye then! I'll be home after
the service--but I shan't disturb you. Good-bye! Don't get wet now--" And
his voice, falsely cheerful, stiff with anger, ended in a clang of indignation.
Alice Howells sat on the infants' bench in
silence. She was ignored. And she was unhappy, uneasy, because of the scene.
Percy closed the door after his wife. Then he
turned with a looming slowness to Alice, and said in a hoarse whisper:
"Think o' that, now!"
She looked up at him anxiously. His face, in its
dark pigment, was transfigured with indignant anger. His yellow-grey eyes
blazed, and a great rush of anger seemed to be surging up volcanic in him. For
a second his eyes rested on her upturned, troubled, dark-blue eyes, then
glanced away, as if he didn't want to look at her in his anger. Even so, she
felt a touch of tenderness in his glance.
"And that's all she's ever cared about--her
own things and her own way," he said, in the same hoarse whisper, hoarse
with suddenly-released rage. Alice Howells hung her head in silence.
"Not another damned thing, but what's her
own, her own--and her own holy way--damned holy-holy-holy, all to
herself." His voice shook with hoarse, whispering rage, burst out at last.
Alice Howells looked up at him in distress.
"Oh, don't say it!" she said.
"I'm sure she's fond of you."
"Fond of me! Fond of me!"
he blazed, with a grin of transcendent irony. "It makes her sick to look
at me. I am a hairy brute, I own it. Why, she's never once touched me to be
fond of me--never once--though she pretends sometimes. But a man knows--"
and he made a grimace of contempt. "He knows when a woman's just stroking
him, good doggie!--and when she's really a bit woman-fond of him. That woman's
never been real fond of anybody or anything, all her life--she couldn't, for
all her show of kindness. She's limited to herself, that woman is; and I've
looked up to her as if she was God. More fool me! If God's not good-natured and
good-hearted, then what is He--?"
Alice sat with her head dropped, realising once
more that men aren't really fooled. She was upset, shaken by his rage, and
frightened, as if she too were guilty. He had sat down blankly beside her. She
glanced up at him.
"Never mind!" she said soothingly.
"You'll like her again to-morrow."
He looked down at her with a grin, a grey sort
of grin. "Are you going to stroke me 'good doggie!' as well?" he
said.
"Why?" she asked, blank.
But he did not answer. Then after a while he
resumed: "Wouldn't even leave the moccasins! And she's hung them up in my
room, left them there for years--any man'd consider they were his. And I did
want this show to-night to be a success! What are you going to do about
it?"
"I've sent over for a pair of pale-blue
satin bed-slippers of mine--they'll do just as well," she replied.
"Aye! For all that, it's done me in."
"You'll get over it."
"Happen so! She's curdled my inside, for
all that. I don't know how I'm going to be civil to her."
"Perhaps you'd better stay at the rectory
to-night," she said softly.
He looked into her eyes. And in that look, he
transferred his allegiance.
"You don't want to be drawn in,
do you?" he asked, with troubled tenderness.
But she only gazed with wide, darkened eyes into
his eyes, so she was like an open, dark doorway to him. His heart beat thick,
and the faint, breathless smile of passion came into his eyes again.
"You'll have to go on, Mrs. Howells. We
can't keep them waiting any longer."
It was Jim Stokes, who was directing the show.
They heard the clapping and stamping of the impatient audience.
"Goodness!" cried Alice Howells,
darting to the door.
THE MORTAL COIL
I
She stood motionless in the middle of the room,
something tense in her reckless bearing. Her gown of reddish stuff fell silkily
about her feet; she looked tall and splendid in the candlelight. Her dark-blond
hair was gathered loosely in a fold on top of her head, her young,
blossom-fresh face was lifted. From her throat to her feet she was clothed in
the elegantly-made dress of silky red stuff, the colour of red earth. She
looked complete and lovely, only love could make her such a strange, complete
blossom. Her cloak and hat were thrown across a table just in front of her.
Quite alone, abstracted, she stood there
arrested in a conflict of emotions. Her hand, down against her skirt, worked
irritably, the ball of the thumb rubbing, rubbing across the tips of the
fingers. There was a slight tension between her lifted brows.
About her the room glowed softly, reflecting the
candlelight from its whitewashed walls, and from the great, bowed, whitewashed
ceiling. It was a large attic, with two windows, and the ceiling curving down
on either side, so that both the far walls were low. Against one, on one side,
was a single bed, opened for the night, the white over-bolster piled back. Not
far from this was the iron stove. Near the window closest to the bed was a
table with writing materials, and a handsome cactus-plant with clear scarlet
blossoms threw its bizarre shadow on the wall. There was another table near the
second window, and opposite was the door on which hung a military cloak. Along
the far wall, were guns and fishing-tackle, and some clothes too, hung on
pegs--all men's clothes, all military. It was evidently the room of a man,
probably a young lieutenant.
The girl, in her pure red dress that fell about
her feet, so that she looked a woman, not a girl, at last broke from her
abstraction and went aimlessly to the writing-table. Her mouth was closed down
stubbornly, perhaps in anger, perhaps in pain. She picked up a large seal made
of agate, looked at the ingraven coat of arms, then stood rubbing her finger
across the cut-out stone, time after time. At last she put the seal down, and
looked at the other things--a beautiful old beer-mug used as a tobacco-jar, a
silver box like an urn, old and of exquisite shape, a bowl of sealing wax. She
fingered the pieces of wax. This, the dark-green, had sealed her last letter.
Ah, well! She carelessly turned over the blotting book, which again had his
arms stamped on the cover. Then she went away to the window. There, in the
window-recess, she stood and looked out. She opened the casement and took a
deep breath of the cold night air. Ah, it was good! Far below was the street, a
vague golden milky way beneath her, its tiny black figures moving and crossing
and re-crossing with marionette, insect-like intentness. A small horse-car
rumbled along the lines, so belittled, it was an absurdity. So much for the
world! . . . he did not come.
She looked overhead. The stars were white and
flashing, they looked nearer than the street, more kin to her, more real. She
stood pressing her breast on her arms, her face lifted to the stars, in the
long, anguished suspense of waiting. Noises came up small from the street, as
from some insect-world. But the great stars overhead struck white and
invincible, infallible. Her heart felt cold like the stars.
At last she started. There was a noisy knocking
at the door, and a female voice calling:
"Anybody there?"
"Come in," replied the girl.
She turned round, shrinking from this intrusion,
unable to bear it, after the flashing stars.
There entered a thin, handsome dark girl dressed
in an extravagantly-made gown of dark purple silk and dark blue velvet. She was
followed by a small swarthy, inconspicuous lieutenant in pale-blue uniform.
"Ah you! . . . alone?"
cried Teresa, the newcomer, advancing into the room. "Where's the Fritz,
then?"
The girl in red raised her shoulders in a shrug,
and turned her face aside, but did not speak.
"Not here! You don't know where he is? Ach,
the dummy, the lout!" Teresa swung round on her companion.
"Where is he?" she demanded.
He also lifted his shoulders in a shrug.
"He said he was coming in half an
hour," the young lieutenant replied.
"Ha!--half an hour! Looks like it! How long
is that ago--two hours?"
Again the young man only shrugged. He had
beautiful black eye-lashes, and steady eyes. He stood rather deprecatingly,
whilst his girl, golden like a young panther, hung over him.
"One knows where he is," said Teresa,
going and sitting on the opened bed. A dangerous contraction came between the
brows of Marta, the girl in red, at this act.
"Wine, Women and Cards!" said Teresa,
in her loud voice. "But they prefer the women on the cards.
'My love he has four Queenies,
Four Queenies has my lo-o-ove,'"
she sang. Then she broke off, and turned to
Podewils. "Was he winning when you left him, Karl?"
Again the young baron raised his shoulders.
"Tant pis que mal,' he replied,
cryptically.
"Ah, you!" cried Teresa,
"with your tant pis que mal! Are you tant pis
que mal?" She laughed her deep, strange laugh. "Well," she
added, "he'll be coming in with a fortune for you, Marta--"
There was a vague, unhappy silence.
"I know his fortunes," said Marta.
"Yes," said Teresa, in sudden sober
irony, "he's a horse-shoe round your neck, is that young jockey.--But what
are you going to do, Matzen dearest? You're not going to wait for him any
longer?--Don't dream of it! The idea, waiting for that young gentleman as if
you were married to him!--Put your hat on, dearest, and come along with us . .
. Where are we going, Karl, you pillar of salt?--Eh?--Geier's?--To Geier's,
Marta, my dear. Come, quick, up--you've been martyred enough, Marta, my
martyr--haw!--haw!!--put your hat on. Up--away!"
Teresa sprang up like an explosion, anxious to
be off.
"No, I'll wait for him," said Marta,
sullenly.
"Don't be such a fool!" cried Teresa,
in her deep voice. "Wait for him! I'd give him wait for
him. Catch this little bird waiting." She lifted her hand and blew a
little puff across the fingers. "Choo-fly!" she sang, as if a bird
had just flown.
The young lieutenant stood silent with smiling
dark eyes. Teresa was quick, and golden as a panther.
"No, but really, Marta, you're not going to
wait any more--really! It's stupid for you to play Gretchen--your eyes are much
too green. Put your hat on, there's a darling."
"No," said Marta, her flower-like face
strangely stubborn. "I'll wait for him. He'll have to come some
time."
There was a moment's uneasy pause.
"Well," said Teresa, holding her long
shoulders for her cloak, "so long as you don't wait as long as
Lenora-fuhr-ums-Morgenrot--! Adieu, my dear, God be with you."
The young lieutenant bowed a solicitous bow, and
the two went out, leaving the girl in red once more alone.
She went to the writing table, and on a sheet of
paper began writing her name in stiff Gothic characters, time after time:
Marta Hohenest
Marta Hohenest
Marta Hohenest.
The vague sounds from the street below
continued. The wind was cold. She rose and shut the window. Then she sat down
again.
At last the door opened, and a young officer
entered. He was buttoned up in a dark-blue great-coat, with large silver
buttons going down on either side of the breast. He entered quickly, glancing
over the room, at Marta, as she sat with her back to him. She was marking with
a pencil on paper. He closed the door. Then with fine beautiful movements he
divested himself of his coat and went to hang it up. How well Marta knew the
sound of his movements, the quick light step! But she continued mechanically
making crosses on the paper, her head bent forward between the candles, so that
her hair made fine threads and mist of light, very beautiful. He saw this, and
it touched him. But he could not afford to be touched any further.
"You have been waiting?" he said
formally. The insulting futile question! She made no sign, as if she had not
heard. He was absorbed in the tragedy of himself, and hardly heeded her.
He was a slim, good-looking youth, clear-cut and
delicate in mould. His features now were pale, there was something evasive in
his dilated, vibrating eyes. He was barely conscious of the girl, intoxicated
with his own desperation, that held him mindless and distant.
To her, the atmosphere of the room was almost
unbreathable, since he had come in. She felt terribly bound, walled up. She
rose with a sudden movement that tore his nerves. She looked to him tall and
bright and dangerous, as she faced round on him.
"Have you come back with a fortune?"
she cried, in mockery, her eyes full of dangerous light.
He was unfastening his belt, to change his
tunic. She watched him up and down, all the time. He could not answer, his lips
seemed dumb. Besides, silence was his strength.
"Have you come back with a fortune?"
she repeated, in her strong, clear voice of mockery.
"No," he said, suddenly turning.
"Let it please you that--that I've come back at all."
He spoke desperately, and tailed off into
silence. He was a man doomed. She looked at him: he was insignificant in his
doom. She turned in ridicule. And yet she was afraid; she loved him.
He had stood long enough exposed, in his
helplessness. With difficulty he took a few steps, went and sat down at the
writing-table. He looked to her like a dog with its tail between its legs.
He saw the paper, where her name was repeatedly
written. She must find great satisfaction in her own name, he thought vaguely.
Then he picked up the seal and kept twisting it round in his fingers, doing
some little trick. And continually the seal fell on to the table with a sudden
rattle that made Marta stiffen cruelly. He was quite oblivious of her.
She stood watching as he sat bent forward in his
stupefaction. The fine cloth of his uniform showed the moulding of his back.
And something tortured her as she saw him, till she could hardly bear it: the
desire of his finely-shaped body, the stupefaction and the abjectness of him
now, his immersion in the tragedy of himself, his being unaware of her. All her
will seemed to grip him, to bruise some manly nonchalance and attention out of
him.
"I suppose you're in a fury with me, for
being late?" he said, with impotent irony in his voice. Her fury over
trifles, when he was lost in calamity! How great was his real misery, how
trivial her small offendedness!
Something in his tone burned her, and made her
soul go cold.
"I'm not exactly pleased," she said
coldly, turning away to a window.
Still he sat bent over the table, twisting
something with his fingers. She glanced round on him. How nervy he was! He had
beautiful hands, and the big topaz signet-ring on his finger made yellow
lights. Ah, if only his hands were really dare-devil and reckless! They always
seemed so guilty, so cowardly.
"I'm done for now," he said suddenly,
as if to himself, tilting back his chair a little. In all his physical movement
he was so fine and poised, so sensitive! Oh, and it attracted her so much!
"Why?" she said, carelessly.
An anger burned in him. She was so flippant. If
he were going to be shot, she would not be moved more than about half a pound
of sweets.
"Why!" he repeated laconically.
"The same unimportant reason as ever."
"Debts?" she cried, in contempt.
"Exactly."
Her soul burned in anger.
"What have you done now?--lost more
money?"
"Three thousand marks."
She was silent in deep wrath.
"More fool you!" she said. Then, in
her anger, she was silent for some minutes. "And so you're done for, for
three thousand marks?" she exclaimed, jeering at him. "You go pretty
cheap."
"Three thousand--and the rest," he
said, keeping up a manly sang froid."
"And the rest!" she repeated in
contempt. "And for three thousand--and the rest, your life is over!"
"My career," he corrected her.
"Oh," she mocked, "only your
career! I thought it was a matter of life and death. Only your career? Oh, only
that!"
His eyes grew furious under her mockery.
"My career is my
life," he said.
"Oh, is it!--You're not a man then,
you are only a career?"
"I am a gentleman."
"Oh, are you! How amusing! How very
amusing, to be a gentleman, and not a man!--I suppose that's what it means, to
be a gentleman, to have no guts outside your career?"
"Outside my honour--none."
"And might I ask what is your
honour?" She spoke in extreme irony.
"Yes, you may ask," he replied coolly.
"But if you don't know without being told, I'm afraid I could never
explain it."
"Oh, you couldn't! No, I believe you--you
are incapable of explaining it, it wouldn't bear explaining." There was a
long, tense pause. "So you've made too many debts, and you're afraid
they'll kick you out of the army, therefore your honour is gone, is it?--And
what then--what after that?"
She spoke in extreme irony. He winced again at
her phrase "kick you out of the army". But he tilted his chair back
with assumed nonchalance.
"I've made too many debts, and I know they'll
kick me out of the army," he repeated, thrusting the thorn right home to
the quick. "After that--I can shoot myself. Or I might even be a waiter in
a restaurant--or possibly a clerk, with twenty-five shillings a week."
"Really!--All those alternatives!--Well,
why not, why not be a waiter in the Germania? It might be awfully jolly."
"Why not?" he repeated ironically.
"Because it wouldn't become me."
She looked at him, at his aristocratic fineness of
physique, his extreme physical sensitiveness. And all her German worship for
his old, proud family rose up in her. No, he could not be a waiter in the
Germania: she could not bear it. He was too refined and beautiful a thing.
"Ha!" she cried suddenly. "It
wouldn't come to that, either. If they kick you out of the army, you'll find
somebody to get round--you're like a cat, you'll land on your feet."
But this was just what he was not. He was not
like a cat. His self-mistrust was too deep. Ultimately he had no belief in
himself, as a separate isolated being. He knew he was sufficiently clever, an
aristocrat, good-looking, the sensitive superior of most men. The trouble was,
that apart from the social fabric he belonged to, he felt himself nothing, a
cipher. He bitterly envied the common working-men for a certain manly aplomb, a
grounded, almost stupid self-confidence he saw in them. Himself--he could lead
such men through the gates of hell--for what did he care about danger or hurt
to himself, whilst he was leading? But--cut him off from all this, and what was
he? A palpitating rag of meaningless human life.
But she, coming from the people, could not fully
understand. And it was best to leave her in the dark. The free indomitable
self-sufficient being which a man must be in his relation to a woman who loves
him--this he could pretend. But he knew he was not it. He knew that the world
of man from which he took his value was his mistress beyond any woman. He
wished, secretly, cravingly, almost cravenly, in his heart, it was not so. But
so it was.
Therefore, he heard her phrase "you're like
a cat," with some bitter envy.
"Whom shall I get round?--some woman, who
will marry me?" he said.
This was a way out. And it was almost the
inevitable thing, for him. But he felt it the last ruin of his manhood, even
he.
The speech hurt her mortally, worse than death.
She would rather he died, because then her own love would not turn to ash.
"Get married, then, if you want to,"
she said, in a small broken voice.
"Naturally," he said.
There was a long silence, a foretaste of barren
hopelessness.
"Why is it so terrible to you," she
asked at length, "to come out of the army and trust to your own resources?
Other men are strong enough."
"Other men are not me," he said.
Why would she torture him? She seemed to enjoy
torturing him. The thought of his expulsion from the army was an agony to him,
really worse than death. He saw himself in the despicable civilian clothes,
engaged in some menial occupation. And he could not bear it. It was too heavy a
cross.
Who was she to talk? She was herself, an
actress, daughter of a tradesman. He was himself. How should one of them speak
for the other? It was impossible. He loved her. He loved her far better than
men usually loved their mistresses. He really cared.--And he was strangely
proud of his love for her, as if it were a distinction to him . . . But there
was a limit to her understanding. There was a point beyond which she had
nothing to do with him, and she had better leave him alone. Here in this
crisis, which was his crisis, his downfall, she should not
presume to talk, because she did not understand.--But she loved to torture him,
that was the truth.
"Why should it hurt you to work?" she
reiterated.
He lifted his face, white and tortured, his grey
eyes flaring with fear and hate.
"Work!" he cried. "What do you
think I am worth?--Twenty-five shillings a week, if I am lucky."
His evident anguish penetrated her. She sat
dumbfounded, looking at him with wide eyes. He was white with misery and fear; his
hand, that lay loose on the table, was abandoned in nervous ignominy. Her mind
filled with wonder, and with deep, cold dread. Did he really care so much? But
did it really matter so much to him? When he said he was worth
twenty-five shillings a week, he was like a man whose soul is pierced. He sat
there, annihilated. She looked for him, and he was nothing then. She looked for
the man, the free being that loved her. And he was not, he was gone, this blank
figure remained. Something with a blanched face sat there in the chair, staring
at nothing.
His amazement deepened with intolerable dread.
It was as if the world had fallen away into chaos. Nothing remained. She seemed
to grasp the air for foothold.
He sat staring in front of him, a dull numbness
settled on his brain. He was watching the flame of the candle. And, in his
detachment, he realized the flame was a swiftly travelling flood, flowing
swiftly from the source of the wick through a white surge and on into the
darkness above. It was like a fountain suddenly foaming out, then running on
dark and smooth. Could one dam the flood? He took a piece of paper, and cut off
the flame for a second.
The girl in red started at the pulse of the
light. She seemed to come to, from some trance. She saw his face, clear now,
attentive, abstract, absolved. He was quite absolved from his temporal self.
"It isn't true," she said, "is
it? It's not so tragic, really?--It's only your pride is hurt, your silly
little pride?" She was rather pleading.
He looked at her with clear steady eyes.
"My pride!" he said. "And isn't
my pride me? What am I without my pride?"
"You are yourself," she
said. "If they take your uniform off you, and turn you naked into the
street, you are still yourself."
His eyes grew hot. Then he cried:
"What does it mean, myself! It
means I put on ready-made civilian clothes and do some dirty drudging
elsewhere: that is what myself amounts to."
She knitted her brows.
"But what you are to me--that
naked self which you are to me--that is something, isn't it?--everything,"
she said.
"What is it, if it means nothing?" he
said: "What is it, more than a pound of chocolate dragées?--It
stands for nothing--unless as you say, a petty clerkship, at twenty-five
shillings a week."
These were all wounds to her, very deep. She
looked in wonder for a few moments.
"And what does it stand for now?" she
said. "A magnificent second-lieutenant!"
He made a gesture of dismissal with his hand.
She looked at him from under lowered brows.
"And our love!" she said. "It
means nothing to you, nothing at all?"
"To me as a menial clerk, what does it
mean? What does love mean! Does it mean that a man shall be no more than a
dirty rag in the world?--What worth do you think I have in love, if in life I
am a wretched inky subordinate clerk?"
"What does it matter?"
"It matters everything."
There was silence for a time, then the anger
flashed up in her.
"It doesn't matter to you what I feel,
whether I care or not," she cried, her voice rising.
"They'll take his little uniform with buttons off him, and he'll have to
be a common little civilian, so all he can do is to shoot himself!--It doesn't
matter that I'm there--"
He sat stubborn and silent. He thought her
vulgar. And her raving did not alter the situation in the least.
"Don't you see what value you put on me,
you clever little man?" she cried in fury. "I've loved you, loved you
with all my soul, for two years--and you've lied, and said you loved me. And
now, what do I get? He'll shoot himself, because his tuppenny vanity is
wounded.--Ah, fool--!"
He lifted his head and looked at her. His face
was fixed and superior.
"All of which," he said, "leaves
the facts of the case quite untouched!"
She hated his cool little speeches.
"Then shoot yourself," she cried,
"and you'll be worth less than twenty-five shillings a
week!"
There was a fatal silence.
"Then there'll be no question
of worth," he said.
"Ha!" she ejaculated in scorn.
She had finished. She had no more to say. At
length, after they had both sat motionless and silent, separate, for some time,
she rose and went across to her hat and cloak. He shrank in apprehension. Now,
he could not bear her to go. He shrank as if he were being whipped. She put her
hat on, roughly, then swung her warm plaid cloak over her shoulders. Her hat
was of black glossy silk, with a sheeny heap of cocks-feathers, her plaid cloak
was dark green and blue, it swung open above her clear harsh-red dress. How
beautiful she was, like a fiery Madonna!
"Good-bye," she said, in her voice of
mockery. "I'm going now."
He sat motionless, as if loaded with fetters.
She hesitated, then moved towards the door.
Suddenly, with a spring like a cat, he was
confronting her, his back to the door. His eyes were full and dilated, like a
cat's, his face seemed to gleam at her. She quivered, as some subtle fluid ran
through her nerves.
"Let me go," she said dumbly.
"I've had enough." His eyes, with a wide, dark electric pupil, like a
cat's, only watched her objectively. And again a wave of female submissiveness
went over her.
"I want to go," she pleaded. "You
know it's no good.--You know this is no good."
She stood humbly before him. A flexible little
grin quivered round his mouth.
"You know you don't want me," she
persisted. "You know you don't really want me.--You only do this to show
your power over me--which is a mean trick."
But he did not answer, only his eyes narrowed in
a sensual, cruel smile. She shrank, afraid, and yet she was fascinated.
"You won't go yet," he said.
She tried in vain to rouse her real opposition.
"I shall call out," she threatened.
"I shall shame you before people."
His eyes narrowed again in the smile of
vindictive, mocking indifference.
"Call then," he said.
And at the sound of his still, cat-like voice,
an intoxication ran over her veins.
"I will," she said,
looking defiantly into his eyes. But the smile in the dark, full, dilated
pupils made her waver into submission again.
"Won't you let me go?" she pleaded
sullenly.
Now the smile went openly over his face.
"Take your hat off," he said.
And with quick, light fingers he reached up and
drew out the pins of her hat, unfastened the clasp of her cloak, and laid her
things aside.
She sat down in a chair. Then she rose again,
and went to the window. In the street below, the tiny figures were moving just
the same. She opened the window, and leaned out, and wept.
He looked round at her in irritation as she
stood in her long, clear-red dress in the window-recess, leaning out. She was
exasperating.
"You will be cold," he said.
She paid no heed. He guessed, by some tension in
her attitude, that she was crying. It irritated him exceedingly, like a
madness. After a few minutes of suspense, he went across to her, and took her
by the arm. His hand was subtle, soft in its touch, and yet rather cruel than
gentle.
"Come away," he said. "Don't stand
there in the air--come away."
He drew her slowly away to the bed, she sat
down, and he beside her.
"What are you crying for?" he said in
his strange, penetrating voice, that had a vibration of exultancy in it. But
her tears only ran faster.
He kissed her face, that was soft, and fresh,
and yet warm, wet with tears. He kissed her again, and again, in pleasure of
the soft, wet saltness of her. She turned aside and wiped her face with her
handkerchief, and blew her nose. He was disappointed--yet the way she blew her
nose pleased him.
Suddenly she slid away to the floor, and hid her
face in the side of the bed, weeping and crying loudly:
"You don't love me--Oh, you don't love
me--I thought you did, and you let me go on thinking it--but you don't, no, you
don't, and I can't bear it.--Oh, I can't bear it."
He sat and listened to the strange, animal sound
of her crying. His eyes flickered with exultancy, his body seemed full and
surcharged with power. But his brows were knitted in tension. He laid his hand
softly on her head, softly touched her face, which was buried against the bed.
She suddenly rubbed her face against the sheets,
and looked up once more.
"You've deceived me," she said, as she
sat beside him.
"Have I? Then I've deceived myself."
His body felt so charged with male vigour, he was almost laughing in his
strength.
"Yes," she said enigmatically,
fatally. She seemed absorbed in her thoughts. Then her face quivered again.
"And I loved you so much," she
faltered, the tears rising. There was a clangour of delight in his heart.
"I love you," he said
softly, softly touching her, softly kissing her, in a sort of subtle,
restrained ecstasy.
She shook her head stubbornly. She tried to draw
away. Then she did break away, and turned to look at him, in fear and doubt.
The little, fascinating, fiendish lights were hovering in his eyes like
laughter.
"Don't hurt me so much," she faltered,
in a last protest.
A faint smile came on his face. He took her face
between his hands and covered it with soft, blinding kisses, like a soft,
narcotic rain. He felt himself such an unbreakable fountain-head of powerful
blood. He was trembling finely in all his limbs, with mastery.
When she lifted her face and opened her eyes,
her face was wet, and her greenish-golden eyes were shining, it was like sudden
sunshine in wet foliage. She smiled at him like a child of knowledge, through
the tears, and softly, infinitely softly he dried her tears with his mouth and
his soft young moustache.
"You'd never shoot yourself, because you're
mine, aren't you!" she said, knowing the fine quivering of his body, in
mastery.
"Yes," he said.
"Quite mine?" she said, her voice
rising in ecstasy.
"Yes."
"Nobody else but mine--nothing at
all--?"
"Nothing at all," he re-echoed.
"But me?" came her last words of
ecstasy.
"Yes."
And she seemed to be released free into the
infinite of ecstasy.
II
They slept in fulfilment through the long night.
But then strange dreams began to fill them both, strange dreams that were
neither waking nor sleeping;--only, in curious weariness, through her dreams,
she heard at last a continual low rapping. She awoke with difficulty. The
rapping began again--she started violently. It was at the door--it would be the
orderly rapping for Friedeburg. Everything seemed wild and unearthly. She put
her hand on the shoulder of the sleeping man, and pulled him roughly, waited a
moment, then pushed him, almost violently, to awake him. He woke with a sense
of resentment at her violent handling. Then he heard the knocking of the
orderly. He gathered his senses.
"Yes, Heinrich!" he said.
Strange, the sound of a voice! It seemed a
far-off tearing sound. Then came the muffled voice of the servant.
"Half past four, Sir."
"Right!" said Friedeburg, and
automatically he got up and made a light. She was suddenly as wide awake as if
it were daylight. But it was a strange, false day, like a delirium. She saw him
put down the match, she saw him moving about, rapidly dressing. And the
movement in the room was a trouble to her. He himself was vague and unreal, a
thing seen but not comprehended. She watched all the acts of his toilet, saw
all the motions, but never saw him. There was only a disturbance about her,
which fretted her, she was not aware of any presence. Her mind, in its strange,
hectic clarity, wanted to consider things in absolute detachment. For instance,
she wanted to consider the cactus plant. It was a curious object with pure
scarlet blossoms. Now, how did these scarlet blossoms come to pass, upon that
earthly-looking unliving creature? Scarlet blossoms! How wonderful they were!
What were they, then, how could one lay hold on their being? Her mind turned to
him. Him, too, how could one lay hold on him, to have him? Where was he, what
was he? She seemed to grasp at the air.
He was dipping his face in the cold water--the
slight shock was good for him. He felt as if someone had stolen away his being
in the night, he was moving about a light, quick shell, with all his meaning
absent. His body was quick and active, but all his deep understanding, his soul
was gone. He tried to rub it back into his face. He was quite dim, as if his
spirit had left his body.
"Come and kiss me," sounded the voice
from the bed. He went over to her automatically. She put her arms around him
and looked into his face with her clear brilliant, grey-green eyes, as if she
too were looking for his soul.
"How are you?" came her meaningless
words.
"All right."
"Kiss me."
He bent down and kissed her.
And still her clear, rather frightening eyes
seemed to be searching for him inside himself. He was like a bird transfixed by
her pellucid, grey-green, wonderful eyes. She put her hands into his soft,
thick, fine hair, and gripped her hands full of his hair. He wondered with fear
at her sudden painful clutching.
"I shall be late," he said.
"Yes," she answered. And she let him
go.
As he fastened his tunic he glanced out of the
window. It was still night: a night that must have lasted since eternity. There
was a moon in the sky. In the streets below the yellow street-lamps burned
small at intervals. This was the night of eternity.
There came a knock at the door, and the
orderly's voice.
"Coffee, Sir."
"Leave it there."
They heard the faint jingle of the tray as it
was set down outside.
Friedeburg sat down to put on his boots. Then,
with a man's solid tread, he went and took in the tray. He felt properly heavy
and secure now in his accoutrement. But he was always aware of her two
wonderful, clear, unfolded eyes, looking on his heart, out of her uncanny
silence.
There was a strong smell of coffee in the room.
"Have some coffee?" His eyes could not
meet hers.
"No, thank you."
"Just a drop?"
"No, thank you."
Her voice sounded quite gay. She watched him
dipping his bread in the coffee and eating quickly, absently. He did not know
what he was doing, and yet the dipped bread and hot coffee gave him pleasure.
He gulped down the remainder of his drink, and rose to his feet.
"I must go," he said.
There was a curious, poignant smile in her eyes.
Her eyes drew him to her. How beautiful she was, and dazzling, and frightening,
with this look of brilliant tenderness seeming to glitter from her face. She
drew his head down to her bosom, and held it fast prisoner there, murmuring
with tender, triumphant delight: "Dear! Dear!"
At last she let him lift his head, and he looked
into her eyes, that seemed to concentrate in a dancing, golden point of vision
in which he felt himself perish.
"Dear!" she murmured. "You love
me, don't you?"
"Yes," he said mechanically.
The golden point of vision seemed to leap to him
from her eyes, demanding something. He sat slackly, as if spellbound. Her hand
pushed him a little.
"Mustn't you go?" she said.
He rose. She watched him fastening the belt
round his body, that seemed soft under the fine clothes. He pulled on his
great-coat, and put on his peaked cap. He was again a young officer.
But he had forgotten his watch. It lay on the
table near the bed. She watched him slinging it on his chain. He looked down at
her. How beautiful she was, with her luminous face and her fine, stray hair!
But he felt far away.
"Anything I can do for you?" he asked.
"No, thank you--I'll sleep," she
replied, smiling. And the strange golden spark danced on her eyes again, again
he felt as if his heart were gone, destroyed out of him. There was a fine
pathos too in her vivid, dangerous face.
He kissed her for the last time, saying:
"I'll blow the candles out, then?"
"Yes, my love--and I'll sleep."
"Yes--sleep as long as you like."
The golden spark of her eyes seemed to dance on
him like a destruction, she was beautiful, and pathetic. He touched her
tenderly with his finger-tips, then suddenly blew out the candles, and walked
across in the faint moonlight to the door.
He was gone. She heard his boots click on the
stone stairs--she heard the far below tread of his feet on the pavement. Then
he was gone. She lay quite still, in a swoon of deathly peace. She never wanted
to move any more. It was finished. She lay quite still, utterly, utterly abandoned.
But again she was disturbed. There was a little
tap at the door, then Teresa's voice saying, with a shuddering sound because of
the cold:
"Ugh!--I'm coming to you, Marta my dear. I
can't stand being left alone."
"I'll make a light," said Marta,
sitting up and reaching for the candle. "Lock the door, will you, Resie,
and then nobody can bother us."
She saw Teresa, loosely wrapped in her cloak,
two thick ropes of hair hanging untidily. Teresa looked voluptuously sleepy and
easy, like a cat running home to the warmth.
"Ugh!" she said, "it's
cold!"
And she ran to the stove. Marta heard the chink
of the little shovel, a stirring of coals, then a clink of the iron door. Then
Teresa came running to the bed, with a shuddering little run, she puffed out
the light and slid in beside her friend.
"So cold!" she said, with a delicious
shudder at the warmth. Marta made place for her, and they settled down.
"Aren't you glad you're not them?"
said Resie, with a little shudder at the thought. "Ugh!--poor
devils!"
"I am," said Marta.
"Ah, sleep--sleep, how lovely!" said
Teresa, with deep content. "Ah, it's so good!"
"Yes," said Marta.
"Good morning, good night, my dear,"
said Teresa, already sleepily.
"Good night," responded Marta.
Her mind flickered a little. Then she sank
unconsciously to sleep. The room was silent.
Outside, the setting moon made peaked shadows of
the high-roofed houses; from twin towers that stood like two dark, companion
giants in the sky, the hour trembled out over the sleeping town. But the
footsteps of hastening officers and cowering soldiers rang on the frozen
pavements. Then a lantern appeared in the distance, accompanied by the rattle
of a bullock wagon. By the light of the lantern on the wagon-pole could be seen
the delicately moving feet and the pale, swinging dewlaps of the oxen. They
drew slowly on, with a rattle of heavy wheels, the banded heads of the slow
beasts swung rhythmically.
Ah, this was life! How sweet, sweet each tiny
incident was! How sweet to Friedeburg, to give his orders ringingly on the
frosty air, to see his men like bears shambling and shuffling into their
places, with little dancing movements of uncouth playfulness and resentment,
because of the pure cold.
Sweet, sweet it was to be marching beside his
men, sweet to hear the great thresh-thresh of their heavy boots in the
unblemished silence, sweet to feel the immense mass of living bodies
co-ordinated into oneness near him, to catch the hot waft of their closeness,
their breathing. Friedeburg was like a man condemned to die, catching at every
impression as at an inestimable treasure.
Sweet it was to pass through the gates of the
town, the scanty, loose suburb, into the open darkness and space of the
country. This was almost best of all. It was like emerging in the open plains
of eternal freedom.
They saw a dark figure hobbling along under the
dark side of a shed. As they passed, through the open door of the shed, in the
golden light were seen the low rafters, the pale, silken sides of the cows,
evanescent. And a woman with a red kerchief bound round her head lifted her
face from the flank of the beast she was milking, to look at the soldiers
threshing like multitudes of heavy ghosts down the darkness. Some of the men
called to her, cheerfully, impudently. Ah, the miraculous beauty and sweetness
of the merest trifles like these!
They tramped on down a frozen, rutty road, under
lines of bare trees. Beautiful trees! Beautiful frozen ruts in the road! Ah,
even, in one of the ruts there was a silver of ice and of moon-glimpse. He
heard ice tinkle as a passing soldier purposely put his toe in it. What a sweet
noise!
But there was a vague uneasiness. He heard the
men arguing as to whether dawn were coming. There was the silver moon, still
riding on the high seas of the sky. A lovely thing she was, a jewel! But was
there any blemish of day? He shrank a little from the rawness of the day to
come. This night of morning was so rare and free.
Yes, he was sure. He saw a colourless paleness
on the horizon. The earth began to look hard, like a great, concrete shadow. He
shrank into himself. Glancing at the ranks of his men, he could see them like a
company of rhythmic ghosts. The pallor was actually reflected on their livid
faces. This was the coming day. It frightened him.
The dawn came. He saw the rosiness of it hang
trembling with light, above the east. Then a strange glamour of scarlet passed
over the land. At his feet, glints of ice flashed scarlet, even the hands of
the men were red as they swung, sinister, heavy, reddened.
The sun surged up, her rim appeared, swimming
with fire, hesitating, surging up. Suddenly there were shadows from trees and
ruts, and grass was hoar and ice was gold against the ebony shadow. The faces
of the men were alight, kindled with life. Ah, it was magical, it was all too
marvellous! If only it were always like this!
When they stopped at the inn for breakfast, at
nine o'clock, the smell of the inn went raw and ugly to his heart: beer and
yesterday's tobacco!
He went to the door to look at the men biting
huge bites from their hunks of grey bread, or cutting off pieces with their
clasp-knives. This made him still happy. Women were going to the fountain for
water, the soldiers were chaffing them coarsely. He liked all this.
But the magic was going, inevitably, the crystal
delight was thawing to desolation in his heart, his heart was cold, cold mud.
Ah, it was awful. His face contracted, he almost wept with cold, stark despair.
Still he had the work, the day's hard activity
with the men. Whilst this lasted, he could live. But when this was over, and he
had to face the horror of his own cold-thawing mud of despair: ah, it was not
to be thought of. Still, he was happy at work with the men: the wild desolate
place, the hard activity of mock warfare. Would to God it were real: war, with
the prize of death!
By afternoon the sky had gone one dead, livid
level of grey. It seemed low down, and oppressive. He was tired, the men were
tired, and this let the heavy cold soak in to them like despair. Life could not
keep it out.
And now, when his heart was so heavy it could
sink no more, he must glance at his own situation again. He must remember what
a fool he was, his new debts like half thawed mud in his heart. He knew, with
the cold misery of hopelessness, that he would be turned out of the army. What
then?--what then but death? After all, death was the solution for him. Let it
be so.
They marched on and on, stumbling with fatigue
under a great leaden sky, over a frozen dead country. The men were silent with
weariness, the heavy motion of their marching was like an oppression.
Friedeburg was tired too, and deadened, as his face was deadened by the cold
air. He did not think any more; the misery of his soul was like a frost inside
him.
He heard someone say it was going to snow. But
the words had no meaning for him. He marched as a clock ticks, with the same
monotony, everything numb and cold-soddened.
They were drawing near to the town. In the gloom
of the afternoon he felt it ahead, as unbearable oppression on him. Ah the
hideous suburb! What was his life, how did it come to pass that life was lived
in a formless, hideous grey structure of hell! What did it all mean? Pale,
sulphur-yellow lights spotted the livid air, and people, like soddened shadows,
passed in front of the shops that were lit up ghastly in the early twilight.
Out of the colourless space, crumbs of snow came and bounced animatedly off the
breast of his coat.
At length he turned away home, to his room, to
change and get warm and renewed, for he felt as cold-soddened as the grey,
cold, heavy bread which felt hostile in the mouths of the soldiers. His life
was to him like this dead, cold bread in his mouth.
As he neared his own house, the snow was
peppering thinly down. He became aware of some unusual stir about the
house-door. He looked--a strange, closed-in wagon, people, police. The sword of
Damocles that had hung over his heart, fell. O God, a new shame, some new
shame, some new torture! His body moved on. So it would move on through misery
upon misery, as is our fate. There was no emergence, only this progress through
misery unto misery, till the end. Strange, that human life was so tenacious!
Strange, that men had made of life a long, slow process of torture to the soul.
Strange, that it was no other than this! Strange, that but for man, this misery
would not exist. For it was not God's misery, but the misery of the world of
man.
He saw two officials push something white and
heavy into the cart, shut the doors behind with a bang, turn the silver handle,
and run round to the front of the wagon. It moved off. But still most of the
people lingered. Friedeburg drifted near in that inevitable motion which
carries us through all our shame and torture. He knew the people talked about
him. He went up the steps and into the square hall.
There stood a police-officer, with a note-book
in his hand, talking to Herr Kapell, the housemaster. As Friedeburg entered
through the swing door, the housemaster, whose brow was wrinkled in anxiety and
perturbation, made a gesture with his hand, as if to point out a criminal.
"Ah!--the Herr Baron von Friedeburg!"
he said, in self-exculpation.
The police officer turned, saluted politely, and
said, with the polite, intolerable suffisance of officialdom:
"Good evening! Trouble here!"
"Yes?" said Friedeburg.
He was so frightened, his sensitive constitution
was so lacerated, that something broke in him, he was a subservient, murmuring
ruin.
"Two young ladies found dead in your
room," said the police-official, making an official statement. But under
his cold impartiality of officialdom, what obscene unction! Ah, what obscene
exposures now!
"Dead!" ejaculated Friedeburg, with
the wide eyes of a child. He became quite child-like, the official had him
completely in his power. He could torture him as much as he liked.
"Yes." He referred to his note-book.
"Asphyxiated by fumes from the stove."
Friedeburg could only stand wide-eyed and
meaningless.
"Please--will you go upstairs?"
The police-official marshalled Friedburg in
front of himself. The youth slowly mounted the stairs, feeling as if transfixed
through the base of the spine, as if he would lose the use of his legs. The
official followed close on his heels.
They reached the bedroom. The policeman unlocked
the door. The housekeeper followed with a lamp. Then the official examination
began.
"A young lady slept here last night?"
"Yes."
"Name, please?"
"Marta Hohenest."
"H-o-h-e-n-e-s-t," spelled the
official. "--And address?"
Friedeburg continued to answer. This was the end
of him. The quick of him was pierced and killed. The living dead answered the
living dead in obscene antiphony. Question and answer continued, the note-book
worked as the hand of the old dead wrote in it the replies of the young who was
dead.
The room was unchanged from the night before.
There was her heap of clothing, the lustrous, pure-red dress lying soft where
she had carelessly dropped it. Even, on the edge of the chair-back, her crimson
silk garters hung looped.
But do not look, do not see. It is the business
of the dead to bury their dead. Let the young dead bury their own dead, as the
old dead have buried theirs. How can the dead remember, they being dead? Only
the living can remember, and are at peace with their living who have passed
away.
THE OLD ADAM
The maid who opened the door was just developing
into a handsome womanhood. Therefore she seemed to have the insolent pride of
one newly come to an inheritance. She would be a splendid woman to look at,
having just enough of Jewish blood to enrich her comeliness into beauty. At
nineteen her fine grey eyes looked challenge, and her warm complexion, her
black hair looped up slack, enforced the sensuous folding of her mouth.
She wore no cap nor apron, but a well-looking
sleeved overall such as even very ladies don.
The man she opened to was tall and thin, but
graceful in his energy. He wore white flannels, carried a tennis-racket. With a
light bow to the maid he stepped beside her on the threshold. He was one of
those who attract by their movement, whose movement is watched unconsciously,
as we watch the flight of a sea-bird waving its wing leisurely. Instead of
entering the house, the young man stood beside the maid-servant and looked back
into the blackish evening. When in repose, he had the diffident, ironic bearing
so remarkable in the educated youth of to-day, the very reverse of that
traditional aggressiveness of youth.
"It is going to thunder, Kate," he
said.
"Yes, I think it is," she replied, on
an even footing.
The young man stood a moment looking at the
trees across the road, and on the oppressive twilight.
"Look," he said, "there's not a
trace of colour in the atmosphere, though it's sunset; all a dark, lustrous
grey; and those oaks kindle green like a low fire--see!"
"Yes," said Kate, rather awkwardly.
"A troublesome sort of evening; must be,
because it's your last with us."
"Yes," said the girl, flushing and
hardening.
There was another pause; then:
"Sorry you're going?" he asked, with a
faint tang of irony.
"In some ways," she replied, rather
haughtily.
He laughed, as if he understood what was not
said, then, with an "Ah well!" he passed along the hall.
The maid stood for a few moments clenching her
young fists, clenching her very breast in revolt. Then she closed the door.
Edward Severn went into the dining-room. It was
eight o'clock, very dark for a June evening; on the dusk-blue walls only the
gilt frames of the pictures glinted pale. The clock occupied the room with its
delicate ticking.
The door opened into a tiny conservatory that
was lined with a grapevine. Severn could hear, from the garden beyond, the high
prattling of a child. He went to the glass door.
Running down the grass by the flower-border was
a little girl of three, dressed in white. She was very bonny, very quick and
intent in her movements; she reminded him of a fieldmouse which plays alone in
the corn, for sheer joy. Severn lounged in the doorway, watching her. Suddenly
she perceived him. She started, flashed into greeting, gave a little gay jump,
and stood quite still again, as if pleading.
"Mr. Severn," she cried, in
wonderfully coaxing tones: "Come and see this."
"What?" he asked.
"Com' and see it," she pleaded.
He laughed, knowing she only wanted to coax him
into the garden; and he went.
"Look," she said, spreading out her
plump little arm.
"What?" he asked.
The baby was not going to admit that she had
tricked him thither for her amusement.
"All gone up to buds," she said,
pointing to the closed marigolds. Then "See!" she shrieked, flinging
herself at his legs, grasping the flannel of his trousers, and tugging at him
wildly. She was a wild little Mænad. She flew shrieking like a revelling bird
down the garden, glancing back to see if he were coming. He had not the heart
to desist, but went swiftly after her. In the obscure garden, the two white
figures darted through the flowering plants, the baby, with her full silk
skirts, scudding like a ruffled bird, the man, lithe and fleet, snatching her
up and smothering his face in hers. And all the time her piercing voice
reechoed from his low calls of warning and of triumph as he hunted her. Often
she was really frightened of him; then she clung fast round his neck, and he
laughed and mocked her in a low, stirring voice, whilst she protested.
The garden was large for a London suburb. It was
shut in by a high dark embankment, that rose above a row of black poplar trees.
And over the spires of the trees, high up, slid by the golden-lighted trains,
with the soft movement of caterpillars and a hoarse, subtle noise.
Mrs. Thomas stood in the dark doorway watching
the night, the trains, the flash and run of the two white figures.
"And now we must go in," she heard
Severn say.
"No," cried the baby, wild and defiant
as a bacchanal. She clung to him like a wild-cat.
"Yes," he said. "Where's your
mother?"
"Give me a swing," demanded the child.
He caught her up. She strangled him hard with
her young arms.
"I said, where's your mother?" he
persisted, half smothered.
"She's op'tairs," shouted the child.
"Give me a swing."
"I don't think she is," said Severn.
"She is. Give me a swing, a swi-i-ing!"
He bent forward, so that she hung from his neck
like a great pendant. Then he swung her, laughing low to himself while she
shrieked with fear. As she slipped he caught her to his breast.
"Mary!" called Mrs. Thomas, in that
low, songful tone of a woman when her heart is roused and happy.
"Mary!" she called, long and sweet.
"Oh, no!" cried the child quickly.
But Severn bore her off. Laughing, he bowed his
head and offered to the mother the baby who clung round his neck.
"Come along here," said Mrs. Thomas
roguishly, clasping the baby's waist with her hands.
"Oh, no," cried the child, tucking her
head into the young man's neck.
"But it's bed-time," said the mother.
She laughed as she drew at the child to pull her loose from Severn. The baby
clung tighter, and laughed, feeling no determination in her mother's grip.
Severn bent his head to loosen the child's hold, bowed, and swung the heavy
baby on his neck. The child clung to him, bubbling with laughter; the mother
drew at her baby, laughing low, while the man swung gracefully, giving little
jerks of laughter.
"Let Mr. Severn undress me," said the
child, hugging close to the young man, who had come to lodge with her parents
when she was scarce a month old.
"You're in high favour to-night," said
the mother to Severn. He laughed, and all three stood a moment watching the
trains pass and repass in the sky beyond the garden-end. Then they went
indoors, and Severn undressed the child.
She was a beautiful girl, a bacchanal with her
wild, dull-gold hair tossing about like a loose chaplet, her hazel eyes shining
daringly, her small, spaced teeth glistening in little passions of laughter
within her red, small mouth. The young man loved her. She was such a little
bright wave of wilfulness, so abandoned to her impulses, so white and smooth as
she lay at rest, so startling as she flashed her naked limbs about. But she was
growing too old for a young man to undress.
She sat on his knee in her high-waisted
night-gown, eating her piece of bread-and-butter with savage little bites of
resentment: she did not want to go to bed. But Severn made her repeat a Pater
Noster. She lisped over the Latin, and Mrs. Thomas, listening, flushed with
pleasure; although she was a Protestant, and although she deplored the unbelief
of Severn, who had been a Catholic.
The mother took the baby to carry her to bed.
Mrs. Thomas was thirty-four years old, full-bosomed and ripe. She had dark hair
that twined lightly round her low, white brow. She had a clear complexion, and
beautiful brows, and dark-blue eyes. The lower part of her face was heavy.
"Kiss me," said Severn to the child.
He raised his face as he sat in the
rocking-chair. The mother stood beside, looking down at him, and holding the
laughing rogue of a baby against her breast. The man's face was uptilted, his
heavy brows set back from the laughing tenderness of his eyes, which looked
dark, because the pupil was dilated. He pursed up his handsome mouth, his thick
close-cut moustache roused.
He was a man who gave tenderness, but who did
not ask for it. All his own troubles he kept, laughingly, to himself. But his
eyes were very sad when quiet, and he was too quick to understand sorrow, not
to know it.
Mrs. Thomas watched his fine mouth lifted for
kissing. She leaned forward, lowering the baby, and suddenly, by a quick change
in his eyes, she knew he was aware of her heavy woman's breasts approaching
down to him. The wild rogue of a baby bent her face to his, and then, instead
of kissing him, suddenly licked his cheek with her wet, soft tongue. He started
back in aversion, and his eyes and his teeth flashed with a dangerous laugh.
"No, no," he laughed, in low strangled
tones. "No dog-lick, my dear, oh no!"
The baby chuckled with glee, gave one wicked
jerk of laughter, that came out like a bubble escaping.
He put up his mouth again, and again his face
was horizontal below the face of the young mother. She looked down on him as if
by a kind of fascination.
"Kiss me, then," he said with thick
throat.
The mother lowered the baby. She felt scarcely
sure of her balance. Again the child, when near to his face, darted out her
tongue to lick him. He swiftly averted his face, laughing in his throat.
Mrs. Thomas turned her face aside; she would see
no more.
"Come then," she said to the child.
"If you won't kiss Mr. Severn nicely--"
The child laughed over the mother's shoulder
like a squirrel crouched there. She was carried to bed.
It was still not quite dark; the clouds had
opened slightly. The young man flung himself into an arm-chair, with a volume
of French verse. He read one lyric, then he lay still.
"What, all in the dark!" exclaimed
Mrs. Thomas, coming in. "And reading by this light."
She rebuked him with timid affectionateness. Then, glancing at his
white-flannelled limbs sprawled out in the gloom, she went to the door. There
she turned her back to him, looking out.
"Don't these flags smell strongly in the
evening?" she said at length.
He replied with a few lines of the French he had
been reading.
She did not understand. There was a peculiar
silence.
"A peculiar, brutal, carnal scent,
iris," he drawled at length. "Isn't it?"
She laughed shortly, saying: "Eh, I don't
know about that."
"It is," he asserted calmly.
He rose from his chair, went to stand beside her
at the door.
There was a great sheaf of yellow iris near the
window. Farther off, in the last twilight, a gang of enormous poppies balanced
and flapped their gold-scarlet, which even the darkness could not quite put
out.
"We ought to be feeling very sad," she
said after a while.
"Why?" he asked.
"Well--isn't it Kate's last night?"
she said, slightly mocking.
"She's a tartar, Kate," he said.
"Oh, she's too rude, she is really! The way
she criticises the things you do, and her insolence--"
"The things I do?" he
asked.
"Oh no; you can't do anything wrong. It's
the things I do." Mrs. Thomas sounded very much incensed.
"Poor Kate, she'll have to lower her
key," said Severn.
"Indeed she will, and a good thing
too."
There was silence again.
"It's lightning," he said at last.
"Where?" she asked, with a suddenness
that surprised him. She turned, met his eyes for a second. He sank his head,
abashed.
"Over there in the north-east," he
said, keeping his face from her. She watched his hand rather than the sky.
"Oh," she said uninterestedly.
"The storm will wheel round, you'll
see," he said.
"I hope it wheels the other way,
then."
"Well, it won't. You don't like lightning,
do you? You'd even have to take refuge with Kate if I weren't here."
She laughed quietly at his irony.
"No," she said, quite bitterly.
"Mr. Thomas is never in when he's wanted."
"Well, as he won't be urgently required,
we'll acquit him, eh?"
At that moment a white flash fell across the
blackness. They looked at each other, laughing. The thunder came broken and
hesitatingly.
"I think we'll shut the door," said
Mrs. Thomas, in normal, sufficiently distant tones. A strong woman, she locked
and bolted the stiff fastenings easily. Severn pressed on the light. Mrs.
Thomas noticed the untidiness of the room. She rang, and presently Kate
appeared.
"Will you clear baby's things away?"
she said, in the contemptuous tone of a hostile woman. Without answering, and
in her superb, unhastening way, Kate began to gather up the small garments.
Both women were aware of the observant, white figure of the man standing on the
hearth. Severn balanced with a fine, easy poise, and smiled to himself,
exulting a little to see the two women in this state of hostility. Kate moved
about with bowed defiant head. Severn watched her curiously; he could not
understand her. And she was leaving to-morrow. When she had gone out of the
room, he remained still standing, thinking. Something in his lithe, vigorous
balance, so alert, and white, and independent, caused Mrs. Thomas to glance at
him from her sewing.
"I will let the blinds down," he said,
becoming aware that he was attracting attention.
"Thank you," she replied
conventionally.
He let the lattice blinds down, then flung
himself into his chair.
Mrs. Thomas sat at the table, near him, sewing.
She was a good-looking woman, well made. She sat under the one light that was
turned on. The lamp-shade was of red silk lined with yellow. She sat in the
warm-gold light. There was established between the two a peculiar silence, like
suspense, almost painful to each of them, yet which neither would break. Severn
listened to the snap of her needle, looked from the movement of her hand to the
window, where the lightning beat and fluttered through the lattice. The thunder
was as yet far off.
"Look," he said, "at the
lightning."
Mrs. Thomas started at the sound of his voice,
and some of the colour went from her face. She turned to the window.
There, between the cracks of the Venetian
blinds, came the white flare of lightning, then the dark. Several storms were
in the sky. Scarcely had one sudden glare fluttered and palpitated out, than
another covered the window with white. It dropped, and another flew up, beat
like a moth for a moment, then vanished. Thunder met and overlapped; two
battles were fought together in the sky.
Mrs. Thomas went very pale. She tried not to
look at the window, yet, when she felt the lightning blench the lamplight, she
watched, and each time a flash leaped on the window, she shuddered. Severn, all
unconsciously, was smiling with roused eyes.
"You don't like it?" he said, at last,
gently.
"Not much," she answered, and he
laughed.
"Yet all the storms are a fair way
off," he said. "Not one near enough to touch us."
"No, but," she replied, at last laying
her hands in her lap, and turning to him, "it makes me feel worked up. You
don't know how it makes me feel, as if I couldn't contain myself."
She made a helpless gesture with her hand. He
was watching her closely. She seemed to him pathetically helpless and
bewildered; she was eight years older than he. He smiled in a strange, alert
fashion, like a man who feels in jeopardy. She bent over her work, stitching
nervously. There was a silence in which neither of them could breathe freely.
Presently a bigger flash than usual whitened
through the yellow lamplight. Both glanced at the window, then at each other.
For a moment it was a look of greeting; then his eyes dilated to a smile, wide
with recklessness. He felt her waver, lose her composure, become incoherent.
Seeing the faint helplessness of coming tears, he felt his heart thud to a
crisis. She had her face at her sewing.
Severn sank in his chair, half suffocated by the
beating of his heart. Yet, time after time, as the flashes came, they looked at
each other, till in the end they both were panting, and afraid, not of the
lightning but of themselves and of each other.
He was so much moved that he became conscious of
his perturbation. "What the deuce is up?" he asked himself,
wondering. At twenty-seven, he was quite chaste. Being highly civilised, he
prized women for their intuition, and because of the delicacy with which he
could transfer to them his thoughts and feelings, without cumbrous argument.
From this to a state of passion he could only proceed by fine gradations, and
such a procedure he had never begun. Now he was startled, astonished,
perturbed, yet still scarcely conscious of his whereabouts. There was a pain in
his chest that made him pant, and an involuntary tension in his arms, as if he
must press someone to his breast. But the idea that this someone was Mrs.
Thomas would have shocked him too much had he formed it. His passion had run on
subconsciously, till now it had come to such a pitch it must drag his conscious
soul into allegiance. This, however, would probably never happen; he would not
yield allegiance, and blind emotion, in this direction, could not carry him
alone.
Towards eleven o'clock Mr. Thomas came in.
"I wonder you come home at all,"
Severn heard Mrs. Thomas say as her husband stepped indoors.
"I left the office at half-past ten,"
the voice of Thomas replied, disagreeably.
"Oh, don't try to tell me that old
tale," the woman answered contemptuously.
"I didn't try anything at all,
Gertie," he replied with sarcasm. "Your question was answered."
Severn imagined him bowing with affected,
magisterial dignity, and he smiled. Mr. Thomas was something in the law.
Mrs. Thomas left her husband in the hall, came
and sat down again at table, where she and Severn had just finished supper,
both of them reading the while.
Thomas came in, flushed very red. He was of
middle stature, a thickly-built man of forty, good-looking. But he had grown
round-shouldered with thrusting forward his chin in order to look the
aggressive, strong-jawed man. He had a good jaw; but his mouth
was small and nervously pinched. His brown eyes were of the emotional,
affectionate sort, lacking pride or any austerity.
He did not speak to Severn nor Severn to him.
Although as a rule the two men were very friendly, there came these times when,
for no reason whatever, they were sullenly hostile. Thomas sat down heavily,
and reached his bottle of beer. His hands were thick, and in their movement
rudimentary. Severn watched the thick fingers grasp the drinking-glass as if it
were a treacherous enemy.
"Have you had supper,
Gertie?" he asked, in tones that sounded like an insult. He could not bear
that these two should sit reading as if he did not exist.
"Yes," she replied, looking up at him
in impatient surprise. "It's late enough." Then she buried herself
again in her book.
Severn ducked low and grinned. Thomas swallowed
a mouthful of beer.
"I wish you could answer my questions,
Gertie, without superfluous detail," he said nastily, thrusting out his
chin at her as if cross-examining.
"Oh," she said indifferently, not
looking up. "Wasn't my answer right, then?"
"Quite--I thank you," he answered,
bowing with great sarcasm. It was utterly lost on his wife.
"Hm-hm!" she murmured in abstraction,
continuing to read.
Silence resumed. Severn was grinning to himself,
chuckling.
"I had a compliment paid
me to-night, Gertie," said Thomas, quite amicably, after a while. He still
ignored Severn.
"Hm-hm!" murmured his wife. This was a
well-known beginning. Thomas valiantly struggled on with his courtship of his
wife, swallowing his spleen.
"Councillor Jarndyce, in full committee--Are
you listening, Gertie?"
"Yes," she replied, looking up for a
moment.
"You know Councillor Jarndyce's
style," Thomas continued, in the tone of a man determined to be patient
and affable: "--the courteous Old English Gentleman--"
"Hm-hm!" replied Mrs. Thomas.
"He was speaking in reply to . . ."
Thomas gave innumerable wearisome details, which no one heeded.
"Then he bowed to me, then to the
Chairman--'I am compelled to say, Mr. Chairman, that we have one cause
for congratulation; we are inestimably fortunate in one member
of our staff; there is one point of which we can always be sure--the point
of law; and it is an important point, Mr. Chairman.'
"He bowed to the Chairman, he bowed to me.
And you should have heard the applause all round that Council Chamber--that
great, horseshoe table, you don't know how impressive it is. And every face
turned to me, and all round the board: 'Hear--Hear!' You don't know what
respect I command in business, Mrs. Thomas."
"Then let it suffice you," said Mrs.
Thomas, calmly indifferent.
Mr. Thomas bit his bread-and-butter.
"The fat-head's had two drops of Scotch, so
he's drawing on his imagination," thought Severn chuckling deeply.
"I thought you said there was no meeting
to-night," Mrs. Thomas suddenly and innocently remarked after a while.
"There was a meeting, in camera,"
replied her husband, drawing himself up with official dignity. His excessive
and wounded dignity convulsed Severn; the lie disgusted Mrs. Thomas in spite of
herself.
Presently Thomas, always courting his wife and
insultingly overlooking Severn, raised a point of politics, passed a lordly
opinion very offensive to the young man. Severn had risen, stretched himself,
and laid down his book. He was leaning on the mantelpiece in an indifferent
manner, as if he scarcely noticed the two talkers. But hearing Thomas pronounce
like a boor upon the Woman's Bill, he roused himself, and coolly contradicted
his landlord. Mrs. Thomas shot a look of joy at the white-clad young man who
lounged so scornfully on the hearth. Thomas cracked his knuckles one after
another, and lowered his brown eyes, which were full of hate. After a
sufficient pause, for his timidity was stronger than his impulse, he replied
with a phrase that sounded final. Severn flipped the sense out of it with a few
words. In the argument Severn, more cultured and far more nimble-witted than
his antagonist, who hauled up his answers with a lawyer's show of
invincibility, but who had not any fineness of perception, merely spiked his
opponent's pieces and smiled at him. Also the young man enjoyed himself by
looking down scornfully, straight into the brown eyes of his senior all the
time, so that Thomas writhed.
Mrs. Thomas, meantime, took her husband's side
against women, without reserve. Severn was angry; he was scornfully angry with
her. Mrs. Thomas glanced at him from time to time, a little ecstasy lighting
her fine blue eyes. The irony of her part was delicious to her. If she had
sided with Severn, that young man would have pitied the forlorn man, and been
gentle with him.
The battle of words had got quieter and more
intense. Mrs. Thomas made no move to check it. At last Severn was aware he and
Thomas were both getting overheated. Thomas had doubled and dodged painfully,
like a half-frenzied rabbit that will not realise it is trapped. Finally his
efforts had moved even his opponent to pity. Mrs. Thomas was not pitiful. She
scorned her husband's dexterity of argument, when his intellectual dishonesty
was so evident to her. Severn uttered his last phrases, and would say no more.
Then Thomas cracked his knuckles one after the other, turned aside, consumed
with morbid humiliation, and there was silence.
"I will go to bed," said Severn. He
would have spoken some conciliatory words to his landlord; he lingered with
that purpose; but he could not bring his throat to utter his purpose.
"Oh, before you go, do you mind, Mr.
Severn, helping Mr. Thomas down with Kate's box? You may be gone before he's up
in the morning, and the cab comes at ten. Do you mind?"
"Why should I?" replied Severn.
"Are you ready, Joe?" she asked her
husband.
Thomas rose with the air of a man who represses
himself and is determined to be patient.
"Where is it?" he asked.
"On the top landing. I'll tell Kate, and
then we shan't frighten her. She has gone to bed."
Mrs. Thomas was quite mistress of the situation;
both men were humble before her. She led the way, with a candle, to the third
floor. There on the little landing, outside the closed door, stood a large tin
trunk. The three were silent because of the baby.
"Poor Kate," Severn thought.
"It's a shame to kick her out into the world, and all for nothing."
He felt an impulse of hate towards womankind.
"Shall I go first, Mr. Severn?" asked
Thomas.
It was surprising how friendly the two men were,
as soon as they had something to do together, or when Mrs. Thomas was absent.
Then they were comrades, Thomas, the elder, the thick-set, playing the
protector's part, though always deferential to the younger, whimsical man.
"I had better go first," said Thomas
kindly. "And if you put this round the handle, it won't cut your
fingers."
He offered the young man a little flexible book
from his pocket. Severn had such small, fine hands that Thomas pitied them.
Severn raised one end of the trunk. Leaning
back, and flashing a smile to Mrs. Thomas, who stood with the candle, he
whispered: "Kate's got a lot more impediments than I have."
"I know it's heavy," laughed Mrs.
Thomas.
Thomas, waiting at the brink of the stairs, saw
the young man tilting his bare throat towards the smiling woman, and whispering
words which pleased her.
"At your pleasure, sir," he said in
his most grating and official tones.
"Sorry," Severn flung out scornfully.
The elder man retreated very cautiously, stiffly
lowering himself down one stair, looking anxiously behind.
"Are you holding the light for me,
Gertie?" he snapped sarcastically, when he had managed one stair. She
lifted the candle with a swoop. He was in a bustle and a funk, Severn, always
indifferent, smiled slightly, and lowered the box with negligent ease of
movement. As a matter of fact, three-quarters of the heavy weight: pressed on
Thomas. Mrs. Thomas watched the two figures from above.
"If I slip now," thought Severn, as he
noticed the anxious, red face of his landlord, "I should squash him like a
shrimp," and he laughed to himself.
"Don't come yet," he called softly to
Mrs. Thomas, whom he heard following. "If you slip, your husband's
bottom-most under the smash. 'Beware the fearful avalanche!'"
He laughed, and Mrs. Thomas gave a little
chuckle. Thomas, very red and flustered, glanced irritably back at them, but
said nothing.
Near the bottom of the staircase there was a
twist in the stairs. Severn was feeling particularly reckless. When he came to
the turn, he chuckled to himself, feeling his house-slippers unsafe on the
narrowed, triangular stairs. He loved a risk above all things, and a
subconscious instinct made the risk doubly sweet when his rival was under the
box. Though Severn would not knowingly have hurt a hair of his landlord's head.
When Thomas was beginning to sweat with relief,
being only one step from the landing, Severn did slip, quite accidentally. The
great box crashed as if in pain, Severn glissaded down the stairs. Thomas was
flung backwards across the landing, and his head went thud against the banister
post. Severn, seeing no great harm done, was struggling to his feet, laughing
and saying: "I'm awfully sorry--" when Thomas got up. The elder man
was infuriated like a bull. He saw the laughing face of Severn and he went mad.
His brown eyes flared.
"You ----, you did it on purpose!" he
shouted, and straightway he fetched the young man two heavy blows, upon the jaw
and ear. Thomas, a footballer and a boxer in his youth, had been brought up
among the roughs of Swansea; Severn in a religious college in France. The young
man had never been struck in the face before. He instantly went white and mad
with rage. Thomas stood on guard, fists up. But on the small, lumbered landing
there was no room for fight. Moreover, Severn had no instinct of fisticuffs.
With open, stiff fingers, the young man sprang on his adversary. In spite of
the blow he received, but did not feel, he flung himself again forward, and
then, catching Thomas's collar, brought him down with a crash. Instantly his
exquisite hands were dug in the other's thick throat, the linen collar having
been torn open. Thomas fought madly, with blind, brute strength. But the other
lay wrapped on him like a white steel, his rare intelligence concentrated, not
scattered; concentrated on strangling Thomas swiftly. He pressed forward,
forcing his landlord's head over the edge of the next flight of stairs. Thomas,
stout and full-blooded, lost every trace of self-possession; he struggled like
an animal at slaughter. The blood came out of his nose over his face; he made
horrid choking sounds as he struggled.
Suddenly Severn felt his face turned between two
hands. With a shock of real agony, he met the eyes of Kate. She bent forward,
she captured his eyes.
"What do you think you're doing?" she
cried in frenzy of indignation. She leaned over him in her night-dress, her two
black plaits hanging perpendicular. He hid his face, and took his hands away.
As he kneeled to rise, he glanced up the stairs. Mrs. Thomas stood against the
banisters, motionless in a trance of horror and remorse. He saw the remorse
plainly. Severn turned away his face, and was wild with shame. He saw his
landlord kneeling, his hands at his throat, choking, rattling, and gasping. The
young man's heart filled with remorse and grief. He put his arms round the
heavy man, and raised him, saying tenderly:
"Let me help you up."
He had got Thomas up against the wall, when the
choked man began to slide down again in collapse, gasping all the time
pitifully.
"No, stand up; you're best standing
up," commanded Severn sharply, rearing his landlord up again. Thomas
managed to obey, stupidly. His nose still bled, he still held his throat and
gasped with a crowing sound. But his breathing was getting deeper.
"Water, Kate--and sponge--cold," said
Severn.
Kate was back in an instant. The young man
bathed his landlord's face and temples and throat. The bleeding ceased
directly, the stout man's breathing became a series of irregular, jerky gasps,
like a child that has been sobbing hard. At last he took a long breath, and his
breast settled into regular stroke, with little fluttering interruptions. Still
holding his hand to his throat, he looked up with dazed, piteous brown eyes,
mutely wretched and appealing. He moved his tongue as if to try it, put back
his head a little, and moved the muscles of his throat. Then he replaced his
hands on the place that ached.
Severn was grief-stricken. He would willingly,
at that moment, have given his right hand for the man he had hurt.
Mrs. Thomas, meanwhile, stood on the stairs,
watching: for a long time she dared not move, knowing she would sink down. She
watched. One of the crises of her life was passing. Full of remorse, she passed
over into the bitter land of repentance. She must no longer allow herself to
hope for anything for herself. The rest of her life must be spent in
self-abnegation: she must seek for no sympathy, must ask for no grace in love,
no grace and harmony in living. Henceforward, as far as her own desires went,
she was dead. She took a fierce joy in the anguish of it.
"Do you feel better?" Severn asked of
the sick man. Thomas looked at the questioner with tragic brown eyes, in which
was no anger, only mute self-pity. He did not answer, but looked like a wounded
animal, very pitiable. Mrs. Thomas quickly repressed an impulse of impatient
scorn, replacing it with a numb, abstract sense of duty, lofty and cold.
"Come," said Severn, full of pity, and
gentle as a woman. "Let me help you to bed."
Thomas, leaning heavily on the young man, whose
white garments were dabbed with blood and water, stumbled forlornly into his
room. There Severn unlaced his boots and got off the remnant of his collar. At
this point Mrs. Thomas came in. She had taken her part; she was weeping also.
"Thank you, Mr. Severn," she said
coldly. Severn, dismissed, slunk out of the room. She went up to her husband,
took his pathetic head upon her bosom, and pressed it there. As Severn went
downstairs, he heard the few sobs of the husband, among the quick sniffing of
the wife's tears. And he saw Kate, who had stood on the stairs to see all went
well, climb up to her room with cold, calm face.
He locked up the house, put everything in order.
Then he heated some water to bathe his face, which was swelling painfully.
Having finished his fomentations, he sat thinking bitterly, with a good deal of
shame.
As he sat, Mrs. Thomas came down for something.
Her bearing was cold and hostile. She glanced round to see all was safe. Then:
"You will put out the light when you go to
bed, Mr. Severn," she said, more formally than a landlady at the seaside
would speak. He was insulted: any ordinary being would turn off the light on
retiring. Moreover, almost every night it was he who locked up the house, and
came last to bed.
"I will, Mrs. Thomas," he answered. He
bowed, his eyes flickering with irony, because he knew his face was swollen.
She returned again after having reached the
landing.
"Perhaps you wouldn't mind helping me down
with the box," she said, quietly and coldly. He did not reply, as he would
have done an hour before, that he certainly should not help her, because it was
a man's job, and she must not do it. Now, he rose, bowed, and went upstairs
with her. Taking the greater part of the weight, he came quickly downstairs
with the load.
"Thank you; it's very good of you.
Good-night," said Mrs. Thomas, and she retired.
In the morning Severn rose late. His face was
considerably swollen. He went in his dressing-gown across to Thomas's room. The
other man lay in bed, looking much the same as ever, but mournful in aspect,
though pleased within himself at being coddled.
"How are you this morning?" Severn
asked.
Thomas smiled, looked almost with tenderness up
at his friend.
"Oh, I'm all right, thanks," he
replied.
He looked at the other's swollen and bruised
cheek, then again, affectionately, into Severn's eyes.
"I'm sorry"--with a glance of
indication--"for that," he said simply. Severn smiled with his eyes,
in his own winsome manner.
"I didn't know we were such essential
brutes," he said. "I thought I was so civilised . . ."
Again he smiled, with a wry, stiff mouth. Thomas
gave a deprecating little grunt of a laugh.
"Oh, I don't know," he said. "It
shows a man's got some fight in him."
He looked up in the other's face appealingly.
Severn smiled, with a touch of bitterness. The two men grasped hands.
To the end of their acquaintance, Severn and
Thomas were close friends, with a gentleness in their bearing, one towards the
other. On the other hand, Mrs. Thomas was only polite and formal with Severn, treating
him as if he were a stranger.
Kate, her fate disposed of by her
"betters", passed out of their three lives.
THE OVERTONE
His wife was talking to two other women. He lay
on the lounge pretending to read. The lamps shed a golden light, and, through
the open door, the night was lustrous, and a white moon went like a woman,
unashamed and naked across the sky. His wife, her dark hair tinged with grey
looped low on her white neck, fingered as she talked the pearl that hung in a
heavy, naked drop against the bosom of her dress. She was still a beautiful
woman, and one who dressed like the night, for harmony. Her gown was of silk
lace, all in flakes, as if the fallen, pressed petals of black and faded-red
poppies were netted together with gossamer about her. She was fifty-one, and he
was fifty-two. It seemed impossible. He felt his love cling round her like her
dress, like a garment of dead leaves. She was talking to a quiet woman about
the suffrage. The other girl, tall, rather aloof, sat listening in her chair,
with the posture of one who neither accepts nor rejects, but who allows things
to go on around her, and will know what she thinks only when she must act. She
seemed to be looking away into the night. A scent of honeysuckle came through
the open door. Then a large grey moth blundered into the light.
It was very still, almost too silent, inside the
room. Mrs. Renshaw's quiet, musical voice continued:
"But think of a case like Mrs. Mann's now.
She is a clever woman. If she had slept in my cradle, and I in hers, she would
have looked a greater lady than I do at this minute. But she married Mann, and
she has seven children by him, and goes out charring. Her children she can
never leave. So she must stay with a dirty, drunken brute like Mann. If she had
an income of two pounds a week, she could say to him: 'Sir, good-bye to you,'
and she would be well rid. But no, she is tied to him for ever."
They were discussing the State-endowment of
mothers. She and Mrs. Hankin were bitterly keen upon it. Elsa Laskell sat and
accepted their talk as she did the scent of the honeysuckle or the blundering
adventure of the moth round the silk: it came burdened, not with the meaning of
the words, but with the feeling of the woman's heart as she spoke. Perhaps she
heard a nightingale in the park outside--perhaps she did. And then this talk
inside drifted also to the girl's heart, like a sort of inarticulate music.
Then she was vaguely aware of the man sprawled in his homespun suit upon the
lounge. He had not changed for dinner: he was called unconventional.
She knew he was old enough to be her father, and
yet he looked young enough to be her lover. They all seemed young, the
beautiful hostess, too, but with a meaningless youth that cannot ripen, like an
unfertilised flower which lasts a long time. He was a man she classed as a
Dane--with fair, almost sandy hair, blue eyes, long loose limbs, and a boyish
activity. But he was fifty-two--and he lay looking out on the night, with one
of his hands swollen from hanging so long inert, silent. The women bored him.
Elsa Laskell sat in a sort of dreamy state, and
the feelings of her hostess, and the feeling of her host drifted like
iridesence upon the quick of her soul, among the white touch of that moon out
there, and the exotic heaviness of the honeysuckle, and the strange flapping of
the moth. So still, it was, behind the murmur of talk: a silence of being. Of
the third woman, Mrs Hankin, the girl had no sensibility. But the night and the
moon, the moth, Will Renshaw and Edith Renshaw and herself were all in full
being, a harmony.
To him it was six months after his marriage, and
the sky was the same, and the honeysuckle in the air. He was living again his
crisis, as we all must, fretting and fretting against our failure, till we have
worn away the thread of our life. It was six months after his marriage, and
they were down at the little bungalow on the bank of the Soar. They were
comparatively poor, though her father was rich, and his was well-to-do. And
they were alone in the little two-roomed bungalow that stood on its wild bank
over the river, among the honeysuckle bushes. He had cooked the evening meal,
they had eaten the omelette and drank the coffee, and all was settling into
stillness.
He sat outside, by the remnants of the fire,
looking at the country lying level and lustrous grey opposite him. Trees hung
like vapour in a perfect calm under the moonlight. And that was the moon so
perfectly naked and unfaltering, going her errand simply through the night. And
that was the river faintly rustling. And there, down the darkness, he saw a
flashing of activity white betwixt black twigs. It was the water mingling and
thrilling with the moon. So! It made him quiver, and reminded him of the
starlit rush of a hare. There was vividness then in all this lucid night,
things flashing and quivering with being, almost as the soul quivers in the
darkness of the eye. He could feel it. The night's great circle was the pupil
of an eye, full of the mystery, and the unknown fire of life, that does not
burn away, but flickers unquenchable.
So he rose, and went to look for his wife. She
sat with her dark head bent into the light of a reading lamp, in the little
hut. She wore a white dress, and he could see her shoulders' softness and curve
through the lawn. Yet she did not look up when he moved. He stood in the
doorway, knowing that she felt his presence. Yet she gave no sign.
"Will you come out?" he asked.
She looked up at him as if to find out what he
wanted, and she was rather cold to him. But when he had repeated his request,
she had risen slowly to acquiesce, and a tiny shiver had passed down her
shoulders. So he unhung from its peg her beautiful Paisley shawl, with its
tempered colours that looked as if they had faltered through the years and now
were here in their essence, and put it round her. They sat again outside the
little hut, under the moonlight. He held both her hands. They were heavy with
rings. But one ring was his wedding ring. He had married her, and there was
nothing more to own. He owned her, and the night was the pupil of her eye, in
which was everything. He kissed her fingers, but she sat and made no sign. It
was as he wished. He kissed her fingers again.
Then a corncrake began to call in the meadow
across the river, a strange, dispassionate sound, that made him feel not quite
satisfied, not quite sure. It was not all achieved. The moon, in her white and
naked candour, was beyond him. He felt a little numbness, as one who has gloves
on. He could not feel that clear, clean moon. There was something betwixt him
and her, as if he had gloves on. Yet he ached for the clear touch, skin to
skin--even of the moonlight. He wanted a further purity, a newer cleanness and
nakedness. The corncrake cried too. And he watched the moon, and he watched her
light on his hands. It was like a butterfly on his glove, that he could see,
but not feel. And he wanted to unglove himself. Quite clear, quite, quite bare
to the moon, the touch of everything, he wanted to be. And after all, his wife
was everything--moon, vapour of trees, trickling water and drift of perfume--it
was all his wife. The moon glistened on her finger-tips as he cherished them,
and a flash came out of a diamond, among the darkness. So, even here in the
quiet harmony, life was at a flash with itself.
"Come with me to the top of the red
hill," he said to his wife quietly.
"But why?" she asked.
"Do come."
And dumbly she acquiesced, and her shawl hung
gleaming above the white flash of her skirt. He wanted to hold her hand, but
she was walking apart from him, in her long shawl. So he went to her side,
humbly. And he was humble, but he felt it was great. He had looked into the
whole of the night, as into the pupil of an eye. And now, he would come
perfectly clear out of all his embarrassments of shame and darkness, clean as
the moon who walked naked across the night, so that the whole night was as an
effluence from her, the whole of it was hers, held in her effluence of
moonlight, which was her perfect nakedness, uniting her to everything. Covering
was barrier, like cloud across the moon.
The red hill was steep, but there was a tiny
path from the bungalow, which he had worn himself. And in the effort of
climbing, he felt he was struggling nearer and nearer to himself. Always he
looked half round, where, just behind him, she followed, in the lustrous
obscurity of her shawl. Her steps came with a little effort up the steep hill,
and he loved her feet, he wanted to kiss them as they strove upwards in the
gloom. He put aside the twigs and branches. There was a strong scent of
honeysuckle like a thick strand of gossamer over his mouth.
He knew a place on the ledge of the hill, on the
lip of the cliff, where the trees stood back and left a little dancing-green,
high up above the water, there in the midst of miles of moonlit, lonely
country. He parted the boughs, sure as a fox that runs to its lair. And they
stood together on this little dancing-green presented towards the moon, with
the red cliff cumbered with bushes going down to the river below, and the haze
of moon-dust on the meadows, and the trees behind them, and only the moon could
look straight into the place he had chosen.
She stood always a little way behind him. He saw
her face all compounded of shadows and moonlight, and he dared not kiss her
yet.
"Will you," he said, "will you
take off your things and love me here?"
"I can't," she said.
He looked away to the moon. It was difficult to
ask her again, yet it meant so much to him. There was not a sound in the night.
He put his hand to his throat and began to unfasten his collar.
"Take off all your things and love
me," he pleaded.
For a moment she was silent.
"I can't," she said.
Mechanically, he had taken off his flannel
collar and pushed it into his pocket. Then he stood on the edge of the land,
looking down into all that gleam, as into the living pupil of an eye. He was
bareheaded to the moon. Not a breath of air ruffled his bare throat. Still, in
the dropping folds of her shawl, she stood, a thing of dusk and moonlight, a
little back. He ached with the earnestness of his desire. All he wanted was to
give himself, clean and clear, into this night, this time. Of which she was
all, she was everything. He could go to her now, under the white candour of the
moon, without shame or shadow, but in his completeness loving her completeness,
without a stain, without a shadow between them such as even a flower could
cast. For this he yearned as never in his life he could yearn more deeply.
"Do take me," he said, gently parting
the shawl on her breast. But she held it close, and her voice went hard.
"No--I can't," she said.
"Why?"
"I can't--let us go back."
He looked again over the countryside of dimness,
saying in a low tone, his back towards her:
"But I love you--and I want you so
much--like that, here and now. I'll never ask you anything again," he said
quickly, passionately, as he turned to her. "Do this for me," he
said. "I'll never trouble you for anything again. I promise."
"I can't," she said stubbornly, with
some hopelessness in her voice.
"Yes," he said. "Yes. You trust
me, don't you?"
"I don't want it. Not here--not now,"
she said.
"Do," he said. "Yes."
"You can have me in the bungalow. Why do
you want me here?" she asked.
"But I do. Have me, Edith. Have me
now."
"No," she said, turning away. "I
want to go down."
"And you won't?"
"No--I can't."
There was something like fear in her voice. They
went down the hill together. And he did not know how he hated her, as if she
had kept him out of the promised land that was justly his. He thought he was
too generous to bear her a grudge. So he had always held himself deferential to
her. And later that evening he had loved her. But she had hated it, it had been
really his hate ravaging her. Why had he lied, calling it love? Ever since, it
had seemed the same, more or less. So that he had ceased to come to her,
gradually. For one night she had said: "I think a man's body is ugly--all
in parts with mechanical joints." And now he had scarcely had her for some
years. For she thought him an ugliness. And there were no children.
Now that everything was essentially over for
both of them, they lived on the surface, and had good times. He drove to all
kinds of unexpected places in his motor-car, bathed where he liked, said what
he liked, and did what he liked. But nobody minded very much his often
aggressive unconventionality. It was only fencing with the foils. There was no
danger in his thrusts. He was a castrated bear. So he prided himself on being a
bear, on being known as an uncouth bear.
It was not often he lay and let himself drift.
But always when he did, he held it against her that on the night when they
climbed the red bank, she refused to have him. There were perhaps many things
he might have held against her, but this was the only one that remained: his
real charge against her on the Judgment Day. Why had she done it? It had been,
he might almost say, a holy desire on his part. It had been almost like taking
off his shoes before God. Yet she refused him, she who was his religion to him.
Perhaps she had been afraid, she who was so good--afraid of the big
righteousness of it--as if she could not trust herself so near the Burning
Bush, dared not go near for transfiguration, afraid of herself.
It was a thought he could not bear. Rising
softly, because she was still talking, he went out into the night.
Elsa Laskell stirred uneasily in her chair. Mrs.
Renshaw went on talking like a somnambule, not because she really had anything
to say about the State-endowment of mothers, but because she had a weight on
her heart that she wanted to talk away. The girl heard, and lifted her hand,
and stirred her fingers uneasily in the dark-purple porphyry bowl, where pink
rose-leaves and crimson, thrown this morning from the stem, lay gently
shrivelling. There came a slight acrid scent of new rose-petals. And still the
girl lifted her long white fingers among the red and pink in the dark bowl, as
if they stirred in blood.
And she felt the nights behind like a purple
bowl into which the woman's heart-beats were shed, like rose-leaves fallen and
left to wither and go brown. For Mrs. Renshaw had waited for him. During happy
days of stillness and blueness she had moved, while the sunshine glancing
through her blood made flowers in her heart, like blossoms underground
thrilling with expectancy, lovely fragrant things that would have delight to
appear. And all day long she had gone secretly and quietly saying, saying:
"To-night--to-night they will blossom for him. To-night I shall be a bed
of blossom for him, all narcissi and fresh fragrant things shaking for joy,
when he comes with his deeper sunshine, when he turns the darkness like mould,
and brings them forth with his sunshine for spade. Yea, there are two suns; him
in the sky and that other, warmer one whose beams are our radiant bodies. He is
a sun to me, shining full on my heart when he comes, and everything
stirs." But he had come like a bitter morning. He had never bared the sun
of himself to her--a sullen day he had been on her heart, covered with cloud
impenetrable. She had waited so heavy anxious, with such a wealth of
possibility. And he in his blindness had never known. He could never let the
real rays of his love through the cloud of fear and mistrust. For once she had
denied him. And all her flowers had been shed inwards so that her heart was
like a heap of leaves, brown, withered, almost scentless petals that had never
given joy to anyone. And yet again she had come to him pregnant with beauty and
love, but he had been afraid. When she lifted her eyes to him, he had looked
aside. The kisses she needed like warm raindrops he dared not give, till she
was parched and gone hard, and did not want them. Then he gave kisses enough.
But he never trusted himself. When she was open and eager to him, he was
afraid. When she was shut, it was like playing at pride, to pull her petals
apart, a game that gave him pleasure.
So they had been mutually afraid of each other,
but he most often. Whenever she had needed him at some mystery of love, he had
overturned her censers and her sacraments, and made profane love in her sacred
place. Which was why, at last, she had hated his body; but perhaps she had
hated it at first, or feared it so much that it was hate.
And he had said to her: "If we don't
have children, you might have them by another man--" which was surely one
of the cruellest things a woman ever heard from her husband. For so little was
she his, that he would give her a caller and not mind. This was all the wife
she was to him. He was a free and easy man, and brought home to dinner any man
who pleased him, from a beggar upwards. And his wife was to be as public as his
board.
Nay, to the very bowl of her heart, any man
might put his lips and he would not mind. And so, she sadly set down the bowl
from between her two hands of offering, and went always empty, and aloof.
Yet they were married, they were good friends.
It was said they were the most friendly married couple in the county. And this
was it. And all the while, like a scent, the bitter psalm of the woman filled
the room.
"Like a garden in winter, I was full of
bulbs and roots, I was full of little flowers, all conceived inside me.
"And they were all shed away unborn, little
abortions of flowers.
"Every day I went like a bee gathering
honey from the sky and among the stars I rummaged for yellow honey, filling it
in my comb.
"Then I broke the comb, and put it to your
lips. But you turned your mouth aside and said: 'You have made my face unclean,
and smeared my mouth.'
"And week after week my body was a
vineyard, my veins were vines. And as the grapes, the purple drops grew full
and sweet, I crushed them in a bowl, I treasured the wine.
"Then when the bowl was full I came with
joy to you. But you in fear started away, and the bowl was thrown from my
hands, and broke in pieces at my feet.
"Many times, and many times, I said: 'The
hour is striking,' but he answered: 'Not yet.'
"Many times and many times he has heard the
cock crow, and gone out and wept, he knew not why.
"I was a garden and he ran in me as in the
grass.
"I was a stream, and he threw his waste in
me.
"I held the rainbow balanced on my
outspread hands, and he said: 'You open your hands and give me nothing.'
"What am I now but a bowl of withered
leaves, but a kaleidoscope of broken beauties, but an empty bee-hive, yea, a
rich garment rusted that no one has worn, a dumb singer, with the voice of a
nightingale yet making discord.
"And it was over with me, and my hour is
gone. And soon like a barren sea-shell on the strand, I shall be crushed
underfoot to dust.
"But meanwhile I sing to those that listen
with their ear against me, of the sea that gave me form and being, the
everlasting sea, and in my song is nothing but bitterness, for of the fluid
life of the sea I have no more, but I am to be dust, that powdery stuff the sea
knows not. I am to be dead, who was born of life, silent who was made a mouth,
formless who was all of beauty. Yea, I was a seed that held the heavens lapped
up in bud, with a whirl of stars and a steady moon.
"And the seed is crushed that never
sprouted, there is a heaven lost, and stars and a moon that never came forth.
"I was a bud that never was discovered, and
in my shut chalice, skies and lake water and brooks lie crumbling, and stars
and the sun are smeared out, and birds are a little powdery dust, and their
singing is dry air, and I am a dark chalice."
And the girl, hearing the hostess talk, still
talk, and yet her voice like the sound of a sea-shell whispering hoarsely of
despair, rose and went out into the garden, timidly, beginning to cry. For what
should she do for herself?
Renshaw, leaning on the wicket that led to the
paddock, called:
"Come on, don't be alarmed--Pan is
dead."
And then she bit back her tears. For when he
said, "Pan is dead," he meant Pan was dead in his own long, loose
Dane's body. Yet she was a nymph still, and if Pan were dead, she ought to die.
So with tears she went up to him.
"It's all right out here," he said.
"By Jove, when you see a night like this, how can you say that life's
tragedy--or death either, for that matter?"
"What is it then?" she asked.
"Nay, that's one too many--a joke,
eh?"
"I think," she said, "one has no
business to be irreverent."
"Who?" he asked.
"You," she said, "and me, and all
of us."
Then he leaned on the wicket, thinking till he
laughed.
"Life's a real good thing," he said.
"But why protest it?" she answered.
And again he was silent.
"If the moon came nearer and nearer,"
she said, "and were a naked woman, what would you do?"
"Fetch a wrap, probably," he said.
"Yes--you would do that," she
answered.
"And if he were a man, ditto?" he teased.
"If a star came nearer and were a naked
man, I should look at him."
"That is surely very improper," he
mocked, with still a tinge of yearning.
"If he were a star come near--" she
answered.
Again he was silent.
"You are a queer fish of a girl," he
said.
They stood at the gate, facing the silver-grey
paddock. Presently their hostess came out, a long shawl hanging from her
shoulders.
"So you are here," she said.
"Were you bored?"
"I was," he replied amiably. "But
there, you know I always am."
"And I forgot," replied the girl.
"What were you talking about?" asked
Mrs. Renshaw, simply curious. She was not afraid of her husband's running
loose.
"We were just saying 'Pan is dead',"
said the girl.
"Isn't that rather trite?" asked the
hostess.
"Some of us miss him fearfully," said
the girl.
"For what reason?" asked Mrs. Renshaw.
"Those of us who are nymphs--just lost
nymphs among farm-lands and suburbs. I wish Pan were alive."
"Did he die of old age?" mocked the
hostess.
"Don't they say, when Christ was born, a voice
was heard in the air saying: 'Pan is dead.' I wish Christ needn't have killed
Pan."
"I wonder how He managed it," said
Renshaw.
"By disapproving of him, I suppose,"
replied his wife. And her retort cut herself, and gave her a sort of fakir
pleasure.
"The men are all women now," she said,
"since the fauns died in a frost one night."
"A frost of disapproval," said the
girl.
"A frost of fear," said Renshaw.
There was a silence.
"Why was Christ afraid of Pan?" said
the girl suddenly.
"Why was Pan so much afraid of Christ that
he died?" asked Mrs. Renshaw bitterly.
"And all his fauns in a frost one
night," mocked Renshaw. Then a light dawned on him. "Christ was woman
and Pan was man," he said. It gave him a real joy to say this bitterly,
keenly--a thrust into himself, and into his wife. "But the fauns and
satyrs are there--you have only to remove the surplices that all men wear
nowadays."
"Nay," said Mrs. Renshaw, "it is
not true--the surplices have grown into their limbs, like Hercules's
garment."
"That his wife put on him," said
Renshaw.
"Because she was afraid of him--not because
she loved him," said the girl.
"She imagined that all her lonely wasted
hours wove him a robe of love," said Mrs. Renshaw. "It was to her
horror she was mistaken. You can't weave love out of waste."
"When I meet a man," said the girl,
"I shall look down the pupil of his eye, for a faun. And after a while it
will come, skipping--"
"Perhaps a satyr," said Mrs. Renshaw
bitterly.
"No," said the girl, "because
satyrs are old, and I have seen some fearfully young men."
"Will is young even now--quite a boy,"
said his wife.
"Oh no!" cried the girl. "He says
that neither life nor death is a tragedy. Only somebody very old could say
that."
There was a tension in the night. The man felt
something give way inside him.
"Yes, Edith," he said, with a quiet,
bitter joy of cruelty, "I am old."
The wife was frightened.
"You are always preposterous," she
said quickly, crying inside herself. She knew she herself had been never young.
"I shall look in the eyes of my man for the
faun," the girl continued in a sing-song, "and I shall find him. Then
I shall pretend to run away from him. And both our surplices, and all the
crucifix, will be outside the wood. Inside nymph and faun, Pan and his satyrs--ah,
yes: for Christ and the Cross is only for day-time, and bargaining. Christ came
to make us deal honourably.
"But love is no deal, nor merchant's
bargaining, and Christ neither spoke of it nor forbade it. He was afraid of it.
If once His faun, the faun of the young Jesus had run free, seen one white
nymph's brief breast, He would not have been content to die on a Cross--and
then the men would have gone on cheating the women in life's business, all the
time. Christ made one bargain in mankind's business--and He made it for the
women's sake--I suppose for His mother's, since He was fatherless. And Christ
made a bargain for me, and I shall avail myself of it. I won't be cheated by my
man. When between my still hands I weave silk out of the air, like a cocoon, He
shall not take it to pelt me with. He shall draw it forth and weave it up. For
I want to finger the sunshine I have drawn through my body, stroke it, and have
joy of the fabric.
"And when I run wild on the hills, with
Dionysus, and shall come home like a bee that has rolled in floury crocuses, he
must see the wonder on me, and make bread of it.
"And when I say to him, 'It is harvest in
my soul', he shall look in my eyes and lower his nets where the shoal moves in
a throng in the dark, and lift out the living blue silver for me to see, and
know, and taste.
"All this, my faun in commerce, my faun at
traffic with me.
"And if he cheat me, he must take his
chance.
"But I will not cheat him, in his hour,
when he runs like a faun after me. I shall flee, but only to be overtaken. I
shall flee, but never out of the wood to the crucifix. For that is to deny I am
a nymph; since how can a nymph cling at the crucifix? Nay, the cross is the
sign I have on my money, for honesty.
"In the morning, when we come out of the
wood, I shall say to him: 'Touch the cross, and prove you will deal fairly,'
and if he will not, I will set the dogs of anger and judgment on him, and they
shall chase him. But if, perchance, some night he contrive to crawl back into
the wood, beyond the crucifix, he will be faun and I nymph, and I shall have no
knowledge what happened outside, in the realm of the crucifix. But in the
morning, I shall say: 'Touch the cross, and prove you will deal fairly.' And
being renewed, he will touch the cross.
"Many a dead faun I have seen, like dead
rabbits poisoned lying about the paths, and many a dead nymph, like swans that
could not fly and the dogs destroyed.
"But I am a nymph and a woman, and Pan is
for me, and Christ is for me.
"For Christ I cover myself in my robe, and
weep, and vow my vow of honesty.
"For Pan I throw my coverings down and run
headlong through the leaves, because of the joy of running.
"And Pan will give me my children and joy,
and Christ will give me my pride.
"And Pan will give me my man, and Christ my
husband.
"To Pan I am nymph, to Christ I am woman.
"And Pan is in the darkness, and Christ in
the pale light.
"And night shall never be day, and day
shall never be night.
"But side by side they shall go, day and
night, night and day, for ever apart, for ever together.
"Pan and Christ, Christ and Pan.
"Both moving over me, so when in the
sunshine I go in my robes among my neighbours, I am a Christian. But when I run
robeless through the dark-scented woods alone, I am Pan's nymph.
"Now I must go, for I want to run away. Not
run away from myself, but to myself.
"For neither am I a lamp that stands in the
way in the sunshine.
"Now am I a sundial foolish at night.
"I am myself, running through light and
shadow for ever, a nymph and a Christian; I, not two things, but an apple with
a gold side and a red, a freckled deer, a stream that tinkles and a pool where
light is drowned; I, no fragment, no half-thing like the day, but a blackbird
with a white breast and underwings, a peewit, a wild thing, beyond
understanding."
"I wonder if we shall hear the nightingale
to-night," said Mrs. Renshaw.
"He's a gurgling fowl--I'd rather hear a
linnet," said Renshaw. "Come a drive with me to-morrow, Miss
Laskell."
And the three went walking back to the house.
And Elsa Laskell was glad to get away from them.
THE PRINCESS
To her father, she was The Princess. To her
Boston aunts and uncles she was just Dollie Urquhart, poor little thing.
Colin Urquhart was just a bit mad. He was of an
old Scottish family, and he claimed royal blood. The blood of Scottish kings
flowed in his veins. On this point, his American relatives said, he was just a
bit "off". They could not bear any more to be told which royal
blood of Scotland blued his veins. The whole thing was rather ridiculous, and a
sore point. The only fact they remembered was that it was not Stuart.
He was a handsome man, with a wide-open blue eye
that seemed sometimes to be looking at nothing, soft black hair brushed rather
low on his low, broad brow, and a very attractive body. Add to this a most
beautiful speaking voice, usually rather hushed and diffident, but sometimes
resonant and powerful like bronze, and you have the sum of his charms. He
looked like some old Celtic hero. He looked as if he should have worn a greyish
kilt and a sporran, and shown his knees. His voice came direct out of the
hushed Ossianic past.
For the rest, he was one of those gentlemen of
sufficient but not excessive means who fifty years ago wandered vaguely about,
never arriving anywhere, never doing anything, and never definitely being
anything, yet well received in the good society of more than one country.
He did not marry till he was nearly forty, and
then it was a wealthy Miss Prescott, from New England. Hannah Prescott at
twenty-two was fascinated by the man with the soft black hair not yet touched
by grey, and the wide, rather vague blue eyes. Many women had been fascinated
before her. But Colin Urquhart, by his very vagueness, had avoided any decisive
connection.
Mrs. Urquhart lived three years in the mist and
glamour of her husband's presence. And then it broke her. It was like living
with a fascinating spectre. About most things he was completely, even ghostly
oblivious. He was always charming, courteous, perfectly gracious in that
hushed, musical voice of his. But absent. When all came to all, he just wasn't
there. "Not all there," as the vulgar say.
He was the father of the little girl she bore at
the end of the first year. But this did not substantiate him the more. His very
beauty and his haunting musical quality became dreadful to her after the first
few months. The strange echo: he was like a living echo! His very flesh, when
you touched it, did not seem quite the flesh of a real man.
Perhaps it was that he was a little bit mad. She
thought it definitely the night her baby was born.
"Ah, so my little princess has come at
last!" he said, in his throaty, singing Celtic voice, like a glad chant,
swaying absorbed.
It was a tiny, frail baby, with wide, amazed
blue eyes. They christened it Mary Henrietta. She called the little thing My
Dollie. He called it always My Princess.
It was useless to fly at him. He just opened his
wide blue eyes wider, and took a child-like, silent dignity there was no
getting past.
Hannah Prescott had never been robust. She had
no great desire to live. So when the baby was two years old she suddenly died.
The Prescotts felt a deep but unadmitted
resentment against Colin Urquhart. They said he was selfish. Therefore they
discontinued Hannah's income, a month after her burial in Florence, after they
had urged the father to give the child over to them, and he had courteously,
musically, but quite finally refused. He treated the Prescotts as if they were
not of his world, not realities to him: just casual phenomena, or gramophones,
talking-machines that had to be answered. He answered them. But of their actual
existence he was never once aware.
They debated having him certified unsuitable to
be guardian of his own child. But that would have created a scandal. So they
did the simplest thing, after all--washed their hands of him. But they wrote
scrupulously to the child, and sent her modest presents of money at Christmas,
and on the anniversary of the death of her mother.
To The Princess her Boston relatives were for
many years just a nominal reality. She lived with her father, and he travelled
continually, though in a modest way, living on his moderate income. And never
going to America. The child changed nurses all the time. In Italy it was a
contadina; in India she had an ayah; in Germany she had a yellow-haired peasant
girl.
Father and child were inseparable. He was not a
recluse. Wherever he went he was to be seen paying formal calls going out to
luncheon or to tea, rarely to dinner. And always with the child. People called
her Princess Urquhart, as if that were her christened name.
She was a quick, dainty little thing with dark
gold hair that went a soft brown, and wide, slightly prominent blue eyes that
were at once so candid and so knowing. She was always grown up; she never
really grew up. Always strangely wise, and always childish.
It was her father's fault.
"My little Princess must never take too
much notice of people and the things they say and do," he repeated to her.
"People don't know what they are doing and saying. They chatter-chatter,
and they hurt one another, and they hurt themselves very often, till they cry.
But don't take any notice, my little Princess. Because it is all nothing.
Inside everybody there is another creature, a demon which doesn't care at all.
You peel away all the things they say and do and feel, as cook peels away the
outside of the onions. And in the middle of everybody there is a green demon
which you can't peel away. And this green demon never changes, and it doesn't
care at all about all the things that happen to the outside leaves of the
person, all the chatter-chatter, and all the husbands and wives and children,
and troubles and fusses. You peel everything away from people, and there is a
green, upright demon in every man and woman; and this demon is a man's real
self, and a woman's real self. It doesn't really care about anybody, it belongs
to the demons and the primitive fairies, who never care. But, even so, there
are big demons and mean demons, and splendid demonish fairies, and vulgar ones.
But there are no royal fairy women left. Only you, my little Princess. You are
the last of the royal race of the old people; the last, my Princess. There are
no others. You and I are the last. When I am dead there will be only you. And
that is why, darling, you will never care for any of the people in the world
very much. Because their demons are all dwindled and vulgar. They are not
royal. Only you are royal, after me. Always remember that. And always remember,
it is a great secret. If you tell people, they will try to
kill you, because they will envy you for being a Princess. It is our great
secret, darling. I am a prince, and you a princess, of the old, old blood. And
we keep our secret between us, all alone. And so, darling, you must treat all
people very politely, because noblesse oblige. But you must
never forget that you alone are the last of Princesses, and that all other are
less than you are, less noble, more vulgar. Treat them politely and gently and
kindly, darling. But you are the Princess, and they are commoners. Never try to
think of them as if they were like you. They are not. You will find, always,
that they are lacking, lacking in the royal touch, which only you have--"
The Princess learned her lesson early--the first
lesson, of absolute reticence, the impossibility of intimacy with any other
than her father; the second lesson, of naïve, slightly benevolent politeness.
As a small child, something crystallised in her character, making her clear and
finished, and as impervious as crystal.
"Dear child!" her hostesses said of
her. "She is so quaint and old-fashioned; such a lady, poor little
mite!"
She was erect, and very dainty. Always small,
nearly tiny in physique, she seemed like a changeling beside her big, handsome,
slightly mad father. She dressed very simply, usually in blue or delicate
greys, with little collars of old Milan point, or very finely-worked linen. She
had exquisite little hands, that made the piano sound like a spinet when she
played. She was rather given to wearing cloaks and capes, instead of coats, out
of doors, and little eighteenth-century sort of hats. Her complexion was pure
apple-blossom.
She looked as if she had stepped out of a
picture. But no one, to her dying day, ever knew exactly the strange picture
her father had framed her in and from which she never stepped.
Her grandfather and grandmother and her Aunt
Maud demanded twice to see her, once in Rome and once in Paris. Each time they
were charmed, piqued, and annoyed. She was so exquisite and such a little
virgin. At the same time so knowing and so oddly assured. That odd, assured
touch of condescension, and the inward coldness, infuriated her American
relations.
Only she really fascinated her grandfather. He
was spellbound; in a way, in love with the little faultless thing. His wife
would catch him brooding, musing over his grandchild, long months after the
meeting, and craving to see her again. He cherished to the end the fond hope
that she might come to live with him and her grandmother.
"Thank you so much, grandfather. You are so
very kind. But Papa and I are such an old couple, you see, such a crochety old
couple, living in a world of our own."
Her father let her see the world--from the
outside. And he let her read. When she was in her teens she read Zola and
Maupassant, and with the eyes of Zola and Maupassant she looked on Paris. A
little later she read Tolstoi and Dostoevsky. The latter confused her. The
others, she seemed to understand with a very shrewd, canny understanding, just
as she understood the Decameron stories as she read them in their old Italian,
or the Nibelung poems. Strange and uncanny, she seemed to
understand things in a cold light perfectly, with all the flush of fire absent.
She was something like a changeling, not quite human.
This earned her, also, strange antipathies.
Cabmen and railway porters, especially in Paris and Rome, would suddenly treat
her with brutal rudeness, when she was alone. They seemed to look on her with
sudden violent antipathy. They sensed in her curious impertinence, an easy,
sterile impertinence towards the things they felt most. She
was so assured, and her flower of maidenhood was so scentless. She could look
at a lusty, sensual Roman cabman as if he were a sort of grotesque, to make her
smile. She knew all about him, in Zola. And the peculiar condescension with
which she would give him her order, as if she, frail, beautiful thing, were the
only reality, and he, coarse monster, was a sort of Caliban floundering in the
mud on the margin of the pool of the perfect lotus, would suddenly enrage the
fellow, the real Mediterranean who prided himself on his beauté male, and
to whom the phallic mystery was still the only mystery. And he would turn a
terrible face on her, bully her in a brutal, coarse fashion--hideous. For to
him she had only the blasphemous impertinence of her own sterility.
Encounters like these made her tremble, and made
her know she must have support from the outside. The power of her spirit did
not extend to these low people, and they had all the physical power. She
realised an implacability of hatred in their turning on her. But she did not
lose her head. She quietly paid out money and turned away.
Those were dangerous moments, though, and she
learned to be prepared for them. The Princess she was, and the fairy from the
North, and could never understand the volcanic phallic rage with which coarse
people could turn on her in a paroxysm of hatred. They never turned on her
father like that. And quite early she decided it was the New England mother in
her whom they hated. Never for one minute could she see with the old Roman
eyes, see herself as sterility, the barren flower taking on airs and an
intolerable impertinence. This was what the Roman cabman saw in her. And he
longed to crush the barren blossom. Its sexless beauty and its authority put
him in a passion of brutal revolt.
When she was nineteen her grandfather died,
leaving her a considerable fortune in the safe hands of responsible trustees.
They would deliver her her income, but only on condition that she resided for
six months in the year in the United States.
"Why should they make me conditions?"
she said to her father. "I refuse to be imprisoned six months in the year
in the United States. We will tell them to keep their money."
"Let us be wise, my little Princess, let us
be wise. No, we are almost poor, and we are never safe from rudeness. I cannot
allow anybody to be rude to me. I hate it, I hate it!" His eyes flamed as
he said it. "I could kill any man or woman who is rude to me. But we are
in exile in the world. We are powerless. If we were really poor, we should be
quite powerless, and then I should die. No, my Princess. Let us take their
money, then they will not dare to be rude to us. Let us take it, as we put on
clothes, to cover ourselves from their aggressions."
There began a new phase, when the father and
daughter spent their summers on the Great Lakes or in California, or in the
South-West. The father was something of a poet, the daughter something of a
painter. He wrote poems about the lakes or the redwood trees, and she made
dainty drawings. He was physically a strong man, and he loved the out-of-doors.
He would go off with her for days, paddling in a canoe and sleeping by a
camp-fire. Frail little Princess, she was always undaunted, always undaunted.
She would ride with him on horseback over the mountain trails till she was so
tired she was nothing but a bodiless consciousness sitting astride her pony.
But she never gave in. And at night he folded her in her blanket on a bed of
balsam pine twigs, and she lay and looked at the stars unmurmuring. She was
fulfilling her rôle.
People said to her as the years passed, and she
was a woman of twenty-five, then a woman of thirty, and always the same virgin
dainty Princess, 'knowing' in a dispassionate way, like an old woman, and
utterly intact:
"Don't you ever think what you will do when
your father is no longer with you?"
She looked at her interlocutor with that cold,
elfin detachment of hers:
"No, I never think of it," she said.
She had a tiny, but exquisite little house in
London, and another small, perfect house in Connecticut, each with a faithful
housekeeper. Two homes, if she chose. And she knew many interesting literary
and artistic people. What more?
So the years passed imperceptibly. And she had
that quality of the sexless fairies, she did not change. At thirty-three she
looked twenty-three.
Her father, however, was ageing, and becoming
more and more queer. It was now her task to be his guardian in his private
madness. He spent the last three years of life in the house in Connecticut. He
was very much estranged, sometimes had fits of violence which almost killed the
little Princess. Physical violence was horrible to her; it seemed to shatter
her heart. But she found a woman a few years younger than herself,
well-educated and sensitive, to be a sort of nurse-companion to the mad old
man. So the fact of madness was never openly admitted. Miss Cummins, the
companion, had a passionate loyalty to the Princess, and a curious affection,
tinged with love, for the handsome, white-haired, courteous old man, who was
never at all aware of his fits of violence once they had passed.
The Princess was thirty-eight years old when her
father died. And quite unchanged. She was still tiny, and like a dignified,
scentless flower. Her soft brownish hair, almost the colour of beaver fur, was
bobbed, and fluffed softly round her apple-blossom face, that was modelled with
an arched nose like a proud old Florentine portrait. In her voice, manner and
bearing she was exceedingly still, like a flower that has blossomed in a
shadowy place. And from her blue eyes looked out the Princess's eternal laconic
challenge, that grew almost sardonic as the years passed. She was the Princess,
and sardonically she looked out on a princeless world.
She was relieved when her father died, and at
the same time, it was as if everything had evaporated around her. She had lived
in a sort of hot-house, in the aura of her father's madness. Suddenly the
hot-house had been removed from around her, and she was in the raw, vast,
vulgar open air.
Quoi faire? What was she to do? She seemed faced with absolute nothingness.
Only she had Miss Cummins, who shared with her the secret, and almost the
passion for her father. In fact, the Princess felt that her passion for her mad
father had in some curious way transferred itself largely to Charlotte Cummins
during the last years. And now Miss Cummins was the vessel that held the
passion for the dead man. She herself, the Princess, was an empty vessel.
An empty vessel in the enormous warehouse of the
world.
Quoi faire? What was she to do? She felt that, since she could not evaporate
into nothingness, like alcohol from an unstoppered bottle, she must do something.
Never before in her life had she felt the incumbency. Never, never had she felt
she must do anything. That was left to the vulgar.
Now her father was dead, she found herself on
the fringe of the vulgar crowd, sharing their necessity
to do something. It was a little humiliating. She felt herself
becoming vulgarised. At the same time she found herself looking at men with a
shrewder eye: an eye to marriage. Not that she felt any sudden interest in men,
or attraction towards them. No. She was still neither interested nor attracted
towards men vitally. But marriage, that peculiar abstraction, had
imposed a sort of spell on her. She thought that marriage, in the
blank abstract, was the thing she ought to do. That marriage implied
a man she also knew. She knew all the facts. But the man seemed a property of
her own mind rather than a thing in himself, another thing.
Her father died in the summer, the month after
her thirty-eighth birthday. When all was over, the obvious thing to do, of
course, was to travel. With Miss Cummins. The two women knew each other
intimately, but they were always Miss Urquhart and Miss Cummins to one another,
and a certain distance was instinctively maintained. Miss Cummins, from
Philadelphia, of scholastic stock, and intelligent but untravelled, four years
younger than the Princess, felt herself immensely the junior of her 'lady'. She
had a sort of passionate veneration for the Princess, who seemed to her
ageless, timeless. She could not see the rows of tiny, dainty, exquisite shoes
in the Princess's cupboard without feeling a stab at the heart, a stab of
tenderness and reverence, almost of awe.
Miss Cummins also was virginal, but with a look
of puzzled surprise in her brown eyes. Her skin was pale and clear, her
features well modelled, but there was a certain blankness in her expression,
where the Princess had an odd touch of Renaissance grandeur. Miss Cummins's
voice was also hushed almost to a whisper; it was the inevitable effect of
Colin Urquhart's room. But the hushedness had a hoarse quality.
The Princess did not want to go to Europe. Her
face seemed turned west. Now her father was gone, she felt she would go west,
westwards, as if for ever. Following, no doubt, the March of Empire, which is
brought up rather short on the Pacific coast, among swarms of wallowing
bathers.
No, not the Pacific coast. She would stop short
of that. The South-West was less vulgar. She would go to New Mexico.
She and Miss Cummins arrived at the Rancho del
Cerro Gordo towards the end of August, when the crowd was beginning to drift
back east. The ranch lay by a stream on the desert some four miles from the
foot of the mountains, a mile away from the Indian pueblo of San Cristobal. It
was a ranch for the rich; the Princess paid thirty dollars a day for herself
and Miss Cummins. But then she had a little cottage to herself, among the apple
trees of the orchard, with an excellent cook. She and Miss Cummins, however,
took dinner at evening in the large guest-house. For the Princess still
entertained the idea of marriage.
The guests at the Rancho del Cerro Gordo were of
all sorts, except the poor sort. They were practically all rich, and many were
romantic. Some were charming, others were vulgar, some were movie people, quite
quaint and not unattractive in their vulgarity, and many were Jews. The
Princess did not care for Jews, though they were usually the most interesting
to talk to. So she talked a good deal with the Jews, and
painted with the artists, and rode with the young men from college, and had
altogether quite a good time. And yet she felt something of a fish out of
water, or a bird in the wrong forest. And marriage remained
still completely in the abstract. No connecting it with any of these young men,
even the nice ones.
The Princess looked just twenty-five. The
freshness of her mouth, the hushed, delicate-complexioned virginity of her face
gave her not a day more. Only a certain laconic look in her eyes was disconcerting.
When she was forced to write her age, she put twenty-eight,
making the figure two rather badly, so that it just avoided
being a three.
Men hinted marriage at her. Especially boys from
college suggested it from a distance. But they all failed before the look of
sardonic ridicule in the Princess's eyes. It always seemed to her rather
preposterous, quite ridiculous, and a tiny bit impertinent on their part.
The only man that intrigued her at all was one
of the guides, a man called Romero--Domingo Romero. It was he who had sold the
ranch itself to the Wilkiesons, ten years before, for two thousand dollars. He
had gone away, then reappeared at the old place. For he was the son of the old
Romero, the last of the Spanish family that had owned miles of land around San
Cristobal. But the coming of the white man and the failure of the vast flocks
of sheep, and the fatal inertia which overcomes all men, at last, on the desert
near the mountains, had finished the Romero family. The last descendants were
just Mexican peasants.
Domingo, the heir, had spent his two thousand
dollars, and was working for white people. He was now about thirty years old, a
tall, silent fellow, with a heavy closed mouth and black eyes that looked
across at one almost sullenly. From behind he was handsome, with a strong,
natural body, and the back of his neck very dark and well-shapen, strong with
life. But his dark face was long and heavy, almost sinister, with that peculiar
heavy meaninglessness in it, characteristic of the Mexicans of his own
locality. They are strong, they seem healthy. They laugh and joke with one
another. But their physique and their natures seem static, as if there were
nowhere, nowhere at all for their energies to go, and their faces, degenerating
to misshapen heaviness, seem to have no raison d'être, no
radical meaning. Waiting either to die or to be aroused into passion and hope.
In some of the black eyes a queer, haunting mystic quality, sombre and a bit
gruesome, the skull-and-cross-bones look of the Penitentes. They had found
their raison d'être in self-torture and death-worship. Unable
to wrest a positive significance for themselves from the vast,
beautiful, but vindictive landscape they were born into, they turned on their
own selves, and worshipped death through self-torture. The mystic gloom of this
showed in their eyes.
But as a rule the dark eyes of the Mexicans were
heavy and half alive, sometimes hostile, sometimes kindly, often with the fatal
Indian glaze on them, or the fatal Indian glint.
Domingo Romero was almost a
typical Mexican to look at, with the typical heavy, dark, long face,
clean-shaven, with an almost brutally heavy mouth. His eyes were black and
Indian-looking. Only, at the centre of their hopelessness was a spark of pride,
or self-confidence, or dauntlessness. Just a spark in the midst of the
blackness of static despair.
But this spark was the difference between him
and the mass of men. It gave a certain alert sensitiveness to his bearing and a
certain beauty to his appearance. He wore a low-crowned black hat, instead of
the ponderous headgear of the usual Mexican, and his clothes were thinnish and
graceful. Silent, aloof, almost imperceptible in the landscape, he was an
admirable guide, with a startling quick intelligence that anticipated difficulties
about to rise. He could cook, too, crouching over the camp-fire and moving his
lean deft brown hands. The only fault he had was that he was not forthcoming,
he wasn't chatty and cosy.
"Oh, don't send Romero with us," the
Jews would say. "One can't get any response from him."
Tourists come and go, but they rarely see anything,
inwardly. None of them ever saw the spark at the middle of Romero's eye; they
were not alive enough to see it.
The Princess caught it one day, when she had him
for a guide. She was fishing for trout in the canyon, Miss Cummins was reading
a book, the horses were tied under the trees, Romero was fixing a proper fly on
her line. He fixed the fly and handed her the line, looking up at her. And at
that moment she caught the spark in his eye. And instantly she knew that he was
a gentleman, that his 'demon', as her father would have said, was a fine demon.
And instantly her manner towards him changed.
He had perched her on a rock over a quiet pool,
beyond the cotton-wood trees. It was early September, and the canyon already
cool, but the leaves of the cottonwoods were still green. The Princess stood on
her rock, a small but perfectly-formed figure, wearing a soft, close grey
sweater and neatly-cut grey riding-breeches, with tall black boots, her fluffy
brown hair straggling from under a little grey felt hat. A woman? Not quite. A
changeling of some sort, perched in outline there on the rock, in the bristling
wild canyon. She knew perfectly well how to handle a line. Her father had made a
fisherman of her.
Romero, in a black shirt and with loose black
trousers pushed into wide black riding-boots, was fishing a little farther
down. He had put his hat on a rock behind him; his dark head was bent a little
forward, watching the water. He had caught three trout. From time to time he
glanced up-stream at the Princess, perched there so daintily. He saw she had
caught nothing.
Soon he quietly drew in his line and came up to
her. His keen eye watched her line, watched her position. Then, quietly, he
suggested certain changes to her, putting his sensitive brown hand before her.
And he withdrew a little, and stood in silence, leaning against a tree,
watching her. He was helping her across the distance. She knew it, and
thrilled. And in a moment she had a bite. In two minutes she landed a good
trout. She looked round at him quickly, her eyes sparkling, the colour
heightened in her cheeks. And as she met his eyes a smile of greeting went over
his dark face, very sudden, with an odd sweetness.
She knew he was helping her. And she felt in his
presence a subtle, insidious male kindliness she had never
known before waiting upon her. Her cheek flushed, and her blue eyes darkened.
After this, she always looked for him, and for
that curious dark beam of a man's kindliness which he could give her, as it
were, from his chest, from his heart. It was something she had never known
before.
A vague, unspoken intimacy grew up between them.
She liked his voice, his appearance, his presence. His natural language was
Spanish; he spoke English like a foreign language, rather slow, with a slight
hesitation, but with a sad, plangent sonority lingering over from his Spanish.
There was a certain subtle correctness in his appearance; he was always
perfectly shaved; his hair was thick and rather long on top, but always
carefully groomed behind. And his fine black cashmere shirt, his wide leather
belt, his well-cut, wide black trousers going into the embroidered cowboy boots
had a certain inextinguishable elegance. He wore no silver rings or buckles.
Only his boots were embroidered and decorated at the top with an inlay of
white suède. He seemed elegant, slender, yet he was very
strong.
And at the same time, curiously, he gave her the
feeling that death was not far from him. Perhaps he too was half in love with
death. However that may be, the sense she had that death was not far from him
made him 'possible' to her.
Small as she was, she was quite a good
horsewoman. They gave her at the ranch a sorrel mare, very lovely in colour,
and well-made, with a powerful broad neck and the hollow back that betokens a
swift runner. Tansy, she was called. Her only fault was the usual mare's
failing, she was inclined to be hysterical.
So that every day the Princess set off with Miss
Cummins and Romero, on horseback, riding into the mountains. Once they went
camping for several days, with two more friends in the party.
"I think I like it better," the
Princess said to Romero, "when we three go alone."
And he gave her one of his quick, transfiguring
smiles.
It was curious no white man had ever showed her
this capacity for subtle gentleness, this power to help her in
silence across a distance, if she were fishing without success, or tired of her
horse, or if Tansy suddenly got scared. It was as if Romero could send
her from his heart a dark beam of succour and sustaining. She
had never known this before, and it was very thrilling.
Then the smile that suddenly creased his dark
face, showing the strong white teeth. It creased his face almost into a savage
grotesque. And at the same time there was in it something so warm, such a dark
flame of kindliness for her, she was elated into her true Princess self.
Then that vivid, latent spark in his eye, which
she had seen, and which she knew he was aware she had seen. It made an
inter-recognition between them, silent and delicate. Here he was delicate as a
woman in this subtle inter-recognition.
And yet his presence only put to flight in her
the idée fixe of 'marriage'. For some reason, in her strange
little brain, the idea of marrying him could not enter. Not
for any definite reason. He was in himself a gentleman, and she had plenty of
money for two. There was no actual obstacle. Nor was she conventional.
No, now she came down to it, it was as if their
two 'dæmons' could marry, were perhaps married. Only their two selves,
Miss Urquhart and Señor Domingo Romero, were for some reason incompatible.
There was a peculiar subtle intimacy of inter-recognition between them. But she
did not see in the least how it would lead to marriage. Almost she could more
easily marry one of the nice boys from Harvard or Yale.
The time passed, and she let it pass. The end of
September came, with aspens going yellow on the mountain heights, and oak-scrub
going red. But as yet the cottonwoods in the valley and canyons had not
changed.
"When will you go away?" Romero asked
her, looking at her fixedly, with a blank black eye.
"By the end of October," she said.
"I have promised to be in Santa Barbara at the beginning of
November."
He was hiding the spark in his eye from her. But
she saw the peculiar sullen thickening of his heavy mouth.
She had complained to him many times that one
never saw any wild animals, except chipmunks and squirrels, and perhaps a skunk
and a porcupine. Never a deer, or a bear, or a mountain lion.
"Are there no bigger animals in these
mountains?" she asked, dissatisfied.
"Yes," he said. "There are
deer--I see their tracks. And I saw the tracks of a bear."
"But why can one never see the animals
themselves?" She looked dissatisfied and wistful like a child.
"Why, it's pretty hard for you to see them.
They won't let you come close. You have to keep still, in a place where they
come. Or else you have to follow their tracks a long way."
"I can't bear to go away till I've seen
them: a bear, or a deer--"
The smile came suddenly on his face, indulgent.
"Well, what do you want? Do you want to go
up into the mountains to some place, to wait till they come?"
"Yes," she said, looking up at him
with a sudden naïve impulse of recklessness.
And immediately his face became sombre again,
responsible.
"Well," he said, with slight irony, a
touch of mockery of her. "You will have to find a house. It's very cold at
night now. You would have to stay all night in a house."
"And there are no houses up there?"
she said.
"Yes," he replied. "There is a
little shack that belongs to me, that a miner built a long time ago, looking
for gold. You can go there and stay one night, and maybe you see something.
Maybe! I don't know. Maybe nothing come."
"How much chance is there?"
"Well, I don't know. Last time when I was
there I see three deer come down to drink at the water, and I shot two
raccoons. But maybe this time we don't see anything."
"Is there water there?" she asked.
"Yes, there is a little round pond, you know,
below the spruce trees. And the water from the snow runs into it."
"Is it far away?" she asked.
"Yes, pretty far. You see that ridge
there"--and turning to the mountains he lifted his arm in the gesture
which is somehow so moving, out in the West, pointing to the
distance--"that ridge where there are no trees, only rock"--his black
eyes were focussed on the distance, his face impassive, but as if in
pain--"you go round that ridge, and along, then you come down through the
spruce trees to where that cabin is. My father bought that placer claim from a
miner who was broke, but nobody ever found any gold or anything, and nobody
ever goes there. Too lonesome!"
The Princess watched the massive, heavy-sitting,
beautiful bulk of the Rocky Mountains. It was early in October, and the aspens
were already losing their gold leaves; high up, the spruce and pine seemed to
be growing darker; the great flat patches of oak scrub on the heights were red
like gore.
"Can I go over there?" she asked,
turning to him and meeting the spark in his eye.
His face was heavy with responsibility.
"Yes," he said, "you can go. But
there'll be snow over the ridge, and it's awful cold, and awful lonesome."
"I should like to go," she said,
persistent.
"All right," he said. "You can go
if you want to."
She doubted, though, if the Wilkiesons would let
her go; at least alone with Romero and Miss Cummins.
Yet an obstinacy characteristic of her nature,
an obstinacy tinged perhaps with madness, had taken hold of her. She wanted to
look over the mountains into their secret heart. She wanted to descend to the
cabin below the spruce trees, near the tarn of bright green water. She wanted
to see the wild animals move about in their wild unconsciousness.
"Let us say to the Wilkiesons that we want
to make the trip round the Frijoles canyon," she said.
The trip round the Frijoles canyon was a usual
thing. It would not be strenuous, nor cold, nor lonely: they could sleep in the
log house that was called an hotel.
Romero looked at her quickly.
"If you want to say that," he replied,
"you can tell Mrs. Wilkieson. Only I know she'll be mad with me if I take
you up in the mountains to that place. And I've got to go there first with a
pack-horse, to take lots of blankets and some bread. Maybe Miss Cummins can't stand
it. Maybe not. It's a hard trip."
He was speaking, and thinking, in the heavy,
disconnected Mexican fashion.
"Never mind!" The Princess was
suddenly very decisive and stiff with authority. "I want to do it. I will
arrange with Mrs. Wilkieson. And we'll go on Saturday."
He shook his head slowly.
"I've got to go up on Sunday with a
pack-horse and blankets," he said. "Can't do it before."
"Very well!" she said, rather piqued.
"Then we'll start on Monday."
She hated being thwarted even the tiniest bit.
He knew that if he started with the pack on
Sunday at dawn he would not be back until late at night. But he consented that
they should start on Monday morning at seven. The obedient Miss Cummins was
told to prepare for the Frijoles trip. On Sunday Romero had his day off. He had
not put in an appearance when the Princess retired on Sunday night, but on
Monday morning, as she was dressing, she saw him bringing in the three horses
from the corral. She was in high spirits.
The night had been cold. There was ice at the
edges of the irrigation ditch, and the chipmunks crawled into the sun and lay
with wide, dumb, anxious eyes, almost too numb to run.
"We may be away two or three days,"
said the Princess.
"Very well. We won't begin to be anxious
about you before Thursday, then," said Mrs. Wilkieson, who was young and
capable: from Chicago. "Anyway," she added, "Romero will see you
through. He's so trustworthy."
The sun was already on the desert as they set
off towards the mountains, making the greasewood and the sage pale as pale-grey
sands, luminous the great level around them. To the right glinted the shadows
of the adobe pueblo, flat and almost invisible on the plain, earth of its
earth. Behind lay the ranch and the tufts of tall, plumy cottonwoods, whose
summits were yellowing under the perfect blue sky.
Autumn breaking into colour in the great spaces
of the South-West.
But the three trotted gently along the trail,
towards the sun that sparkled yellow just above the dark bulk of the ponderous
mountains. Side-slopes were already gleaming yellow, flaming with a second
light, under coldish blue of the pale sky. The front slopes were in shadow,
with submerged lustre of red oak scrub and dull-gold aspens, blue-black pines
and grey-blue rock. While the canyon was full of a deep blueness.
They rode single file, Romero first, on a black
horse. Himself in black, made a flickering black spot in the delicate pallor of
the great landscape, where even pine trees at a distance take a film of blue
paler than their green. Romero rode on in silence past the tufts of furry
greasewood. The Princess came next, on her sorrel mare. And Miss Cummins, who
was not quite happy on horseback, came last, in the pale dust that the others
kicked up. Sometimes her horse sneezed, and she started.
But on they went at a gentle trot. Romero never
looked round. He could hear the sound of the hoofs following, and that was all
he wanted.
For the rest, he held ahead. And the Princess,
with that black, unheeding figure always travelling away from her, felt strangely
helpless, withal elated.
They neared the pale, round foot-hills, dotted
with the round dark piñon and cedar shrubs. The horses clinked and trotted
among the stones. Occasionally a big round greasewood held out fleecy tufts of
flowers, pure gold. They wound into blue shadow, then up a steep stony slope,
with the world lying pallid away behind and below. Then they dropped into the
shadow of the San Cristobal canyon.
The stream was running full and swift.
Occasionally the horses snatched at a tuft of grass. The trail narrowed and
became rocky; the rocks closed in; it was dark and cool as the horses climbed
and climbed upwards, and the tree trunks crowded in the shadowy, silent
tightness of the canyon. They were among cottonwood trees that ran straight up and
smooth and round to an extraordinary height. Above, the tips were gold, and it
was sun. But away below, where the horses struggled up the rocks and wound
among the trunks, there was still blue shadow by the sound of waters and an
occasional grey festoon of old man's beard, and here and there a pale, dripping
crane's-bill flower among the tangle and the débris of the virgin place. And
again the chill entered the Princess's heart as she realised what a tangle of
decay and despair lay in the virgin forests.
They scrambled downwards, splashed across
stream, up rocks and along the trail of the other side. Romero's black horse
stopped, looked down quizzically at the fallen trees, then stepped over
lightly. The Princess's sorrel followed, carefully. But Miss Cummins's buckskin
made a fuss, and had to be got round.
In the same silence, save for the clinking of
the horses and the splashing as the trail crossed stream, they worked their way
upwards in the tight, tangled shadow of the canyon. Sometimes, crossing stream,
the Princess would glance upwards, and then always her heart caught in her
breast. For high up, away in heaven, the mountain heights shone yellow, dappled
with dark spruce firs, clear almost as speckled daffodils against the pale
turquoise blue lying high and serene above the dark-blue shadow where the
Princess was. And she would snatch at the blood-red leaves of the oak as her
horse crossed a more open slope, not knowing what she felt.
They were getting fairly high, occasionally
lifted above the canyon itself, in the low groove below the speckled,
gold-sparkling heights which towered beyond. Then again they dipped and crossed
stream, the horses stepping gingerly across a tangle of fallen, frail aspen
stems, then suddenly floundering in a mass of rocks. The black emerged ahead,
his black tail waving. The Princess let her mare find her own footing; then she
too emerged from the clatter. She rode on after the black. Then came a great
frantic rattle of the buckskin behind. The Princess was aware of Romero's dark
face looking round, with a strange, demon-like watchfulness, before she herself
looked round, to see the buckskin scrambling rather lamely beyond the rocks,
with one of his pale buff knees already red with blood.
"He almost went down!" called Miss
Cummins.
But Romero was already out of the saddle and
hastening down the path. He made quiet little noises to the buckskin, and began
examining the cut knee.
"Is he hurt?" cried Miss Cummins
anxiously, and she climbed hastily down.
"Oh, my goodness!" she cried, as she
saw the blood running down the slender buff leg of the horse in a thin trickle.
"Isn't that awful?" She spoke in a stricken voice, and
her face was white.
Romero was still carefully feeling the knee of
the buckskin. Then he made him walk a few paces. And at last he stood up
straight and shook his head.
"Not very bad!" he said. "Nothing
broken."
Again he bent and worked at the knees. Then he
looked up at the Princess.
"He can go on," he said. "It's
not bad."
The Princess looked down at the dark face in
silence.
"What, go on right up here?" cried
Miss Cummins. "How many hours?"
"About five!" said Romero simply.
"Five hours!" cried Miss Cummins.
"A horse with a lame knee! And a steep mountain! Why-y!"
"Yes, it's pretty steep up there,"
said Romero, pushing back his hat and staring fixedly at the bleeding knee. The
buckskin stood in a stricken sort of dejection. "But I think he'll make it
all right," the man added.
"Oh!" cried Miss Cummins, her eyes
bright with sudden passion of unshed tears. "I wouldn't think of it. I
wouldn't ride him up there, not for any money."
"Why wouldn't you?" asked Romero.
"It hurts him."
Romero bent down again to the horse's knee.
"Maybe it hurts him a little," he
said. "But he can make it all right, and his leg won't get stiff."
"What! Ride him five hours up the steep
mountains?" cried Miss Cummins. "I couldn't. I just couldn't do it.
I'll lead him a little way and see if he can go. But I couldn't ride
him again. I couldn't. Let me walk."
"But Miss Cummins, dear, if Romero says
he'll be all right?" said the Princess.
"I know it hurts him. Oh, I just couldn't
bear it."
There was no doing anything with Miss Cummins.
The thought of a hurt animal always put her into a sort of hysterics.
They walked forward a little, leading the
buckskin. He limped rather badly. Miss Cummins sat on a rock.
"Why, it's agony to see him!" she
cried. "It's cruel!"
"He won't limp after a bit, if you take no
notice of him," said Romero. "Now he plays up, and limps very much,
because he wants to make you see."
"I don't think there can be much playing
up," said Miss Cummins bitterly. "We can see how it must hurt
him."
"It don't hurt much," said Romero.
But now Miss Cummins was silent with antipathy.
It was a deadlock. The party remained motionless
on the trail, the Princess in the saddle, Miss Cummins seated on a rock, Romero
standing black and remote near the drooping buckskin.
"Well!" said the man suddenly at last.
"I guess we go back, then."
And he looked up swiftly at his horse, which was
cropping at the mountain herbage and treading on the trailing reins.
"No!" cried the Princess. "Oh
no!" Her voice rang with a great wail of disappointment and anger. Then
she checked herself.
Miss Cummins rose with energy.
"Let me lead the buckskin home," she
said, with cold dignity, "and you two go on."
This was received in silence. The Princess was
looking down at her with a sardonic, almost cruel gaze.
"We've only come about two hours," said
Miss Cummins. "I don't mind a bit leading him home. But I couldn't ride
him. I couldn't have him ridden with that knee."
This again was received in dead silence. Romero
remained impassive, almost inert.
"Very well, then," said the Princess.
"You lead him home. You'll be quite all right. Nothing can happen to you,
possibly. And say to them that we have gone on and shall be home tomorrow--or
the day after."
She spoke coldly and distinctly. For she could
not bear to be thwarted.
"Better all go back, and come again another
day," said Romero--non-committal.
"There will never be another
day," cried the Princess. "I want to go on."
She looked at him square in the eyes, and met
the spark in his eye.
He raised his shoulders slightly.
"If you want it," he said. "I'll
go on with you. But Miss Cummins can ride my horse to the end of the canyon,
and I lead the buckskin. Then I come back to you."
It was arranged so. Miss Cummins had her saddle
put on Romero's black horse, Romero took the buckskin's bridle, and they started
back. The Princess rode very slowly on, upwards, alone. She was at first so
angry with Miss Cummins that she was blind to everything else. She just let her
mare follow her own inclinations.
The peculiar spell of anger carried the Princess
on, almost unconscious, for an hour or so. And by this time she was beginning
to climb pretty high. Her horse walked steadily all the time. They emerged on a
bare slope, and the trail wound through frail aspen stems. Here a wind swept,
and some of the aspens were already bare. Others were fluttering their discs of
pure, solid yellow leaves, so nearly like petals, while the
slope ahead was one soft, glowing fleece of daffodil yellow; fleecy like a
golden foxskin, and yellow as daffodils alive in the wind and the high mountain
sun.
She paused and looked back. The near great
slopes were mottled with gold and the dark hue of spruce, like some unsinged
eagle, and the light lay gleaming upon them. Away through the gap of the canyon
she could see the pale blue of the egg-like desert, with the crumpled dark
crack of the Rio Grande Canyon. And far, far off, the blue mountains like a
fence of angels on the horizon.
And she thought of her adventure. She was going
on alone with Romero. But then she was very sure of herself, and Romero was not
the kind of man to do anything to her against her will. This was her first
thought. And she just had a fixed desire to go over the brim of the mountains,
to look into the inner chaos of the Rockies. And she wanted to go with Romero,
because he had some peculiar kinship with her; there was some peculiar link
between the two of them. Miss Cummins anyhow would have been only a discordant
note.
She rode on, and emerged at length in the lap of
the summit. Beyond her was a great concave of stone and stark, dead-grey trees,
where the mountain ended against the sky. But nearer was the dense black,
bristling spruce, and at her feet was the lap of the summit, a flat little
valley of sere grass and quiet-standing yellow aspens, the stream trickling
like a thread across.
It was a little valley or shell from which the
stream was gently poured into the lower rocks and trees of the canyon. Around
her was a fairy-like gentleness, the delicate sere grass, the groves of
delicate-stemmed aspens dropping their flakes of bright yellow. And the
delicate, quick little stream threading through the wild, sere grass.
Here one might expect deer and fawns and wild
things, as in a little paradise. Here she was to wait for Romero, and they were
to have lunch.
She unfastened her saddle and pulled it to the
ground with a crash, letting her horse wander with a long rope. How beautiful
Tansy looked, sorrel, among the yellow leaves that lay like a patina on the
sere ground. The Princess herself wore a fleecy sweater of a pale, sere buff,
like the grass, and riding-breeches of a pure orange-tawny colour. She felt
quite in the picture.
From her saddle-pouches she took the packages of
lunch, spread a little cloth, and sat to wait for Romero. Then she made a
little fire. Then she ate a devilled egg. Then she ran after Tansy, who was
straying across-stream. Then she sat in the sun, in the stillness near the
aspens, and waited.
The sky was blue. Her little alp was soft and
delicate as fairy-land. But beyond and up jutted the great slopes, dark with
the pointed feathers of spruce, bristling with grey dead trees among grey rock,
or dappled with dark and gold. The beautiful, but fierce, heavy cruel
mountains, with their moments of tenderness.
She saw Tansy start, and begin to run. Two
ghost-like figures on horseback emerged from the black of the spruce across the
stream. It was two Indians on horseback, swathed like seated mummies in their
pale-grey cotton blankets. Their guns jutted beyond the saddles. They rode
straight towards her, to her thread of smoke.
As they came near, they unswathed themselves and
greeted her, looking at her curiously from their dark eyes. Their black hair
was somewhat untidy, the long rolled plaits on their shoulders were soiled.
They looked tired.
They got down from their horses near her little
fire--a camp was a camp--swathed their blankets round their hips, pulled the
saddles from their ponies and turned them loose, then sat down. One was a young
Indian whom she had met before, the other was an older man.
"You all alone?" said the younger man.
"Romero will be here in a minute," she
said, glancing back along the trail.
"Ah, Romero! You with him? Where are you
going?"
"Round the ridge," she said.
"Where are you going?"
"We going down to Pueblo."
"Been out hunting? How long have you been
out?"
"Yes. Been out five days." The young
Indian gave a little meaningless laugh.
"Got anything?"
"No. We see tracks of two deer--but not got
nothing."
The Princess noticed a suspicious-looking bulk
under one of the saddles--surely a folded-up deer. But she said nothing.
"You must have been cold," she said.
"Yes, very cold in the night. And hungry.
Got nothing to eat since yesterday. Eat it all up." And again he laughed
his little meaningless laugh. Under their dark skins, the two men looked peaked
and hungry. The Princess rummaged for food among the saddle-bags. There was a
lump of bacon--the regular stand-back--and some bread. She gave them this, and
they began toasting slices of it on long sticks at the fire. Such was the
little camp Romero saw as he rode down the slope: the Princess in her orange
breeches, her head tied in a blue-and-brown silk kerchief, sitting opposite the
two dark-headed Indians across the camp-fire, while one of the Indians was
leaning forward toasting bacon, his two plaits of braid-hair dangling as if
wearily.
Romero rode up, his face expressionless. The
Indians greeted him in Spanish. He unsaddled his horse, took food from the
bags, and sat down at the camp to eat. The Princess went to the stream for
water, and to wash her hands.
"Got coffee?" asked the Indians.
"No coffee this outfit," said Romero.
They lingered an hour or more in the warm midday
sun. Then Romero saddled the horses. The Indians still squatted by the fire.
Romero and the Princess rode away, calling Adios! to the
Indians over the stream and into the dense spruce whence two strange figures
had emerged.
When they were alone, Romero turned and looked
at her curiously, in a way she could not understand, with such a hard glint in
his eyes. And for the first time she wondered if she was rash.
"I hope you don't mind going alone with
me," she said.
"If you want it," he replied.
They emerged at the foot of the great bare slope
of rocky summit, where dead spruce trees stood sparse and bristling like
bristles on a grey dead hog. Romero said the Mexicans, twenty years back, had
fired the mountains, to drive out the whites. This grey concave slope of summit
was corpse-like.
The trail was almost invisible. Romero watched
for the trees which the Forest Service had blazed. And they climbed the stark
corpse slope, among dead spruce, fallen and ash-grey, into the wind. The wind
came rushing from the west, up the funnel of the canyon, from the desert. And
there was the desert, like a vast mirage tilting slowly upwards towards the
west, immense and pallid, away beyond the funnel of the canyon. The Princess
could hardly look.
For an hour their horses rushed the slope,
hastening with a great working of the haunches upwards, and halting to breathe,
scrambling again, and rowing their way up length by length, on the livid,
slanting wall. While the wind blew like some vast machine.
After an hour they were working their way on the
incline, no longer forcing straight up. All was grey and dead around them; the
horses picked their way over the silver-grey corpses of the spruce. But they
were near the top, near the ridge.
Even the horses made a rush for the last bit.
They had worked round to a scrap of spruce forest near the very top. They
hurried in, out of the huge, monstrous, mechanical wind, that whistled
inhumanly and was palely cold. So, stepping through the dark screen of trees,
they emerged over the crest.
In front now was nothing but mountains,
ponderous, massive, down-sitting mountains, in a huge and intricate knot, empty
of life or soul. Under the bristling black feathers of spruce near-by lay
patches of white snow. The lifeless valleys were concaves of rock and spruce,
the rounded summits and the hog-backed summits of grey rock crowded one behind
the other like some monstrous herd in arrest.
It frightened the Princess, it was so inhuman.
She had not thought it could be so inhuman, so, as it were, anti-life. And yet
now one of her desires was fulfilled. She had seen it, the massive, gruesome,
repellent core of the Rockies. She saw it there beneath her eyes, in its
gigantic, heavy gruesomeness.
And she wanted to go back. At this moment she
wanted to turn back. She had looked down into the intestinal knot of these
mountains. She was frightened. She wanted to go back.
But Romero was riding on, on the lee side of the
spruce forest, above the concaves of the inner mountains. He turned round to
her and pointed at the slope with a dark hand.
"Here a miner has been trying for
gold," he said. It was a grey scratched-out heap near a hole--like a great
badger hole. And it looked quite fresh.
"Quite lately?" said the Princess.
"No, long ago--twenty, thirty years."
He had reined in his horse and was looking at the mountains. "Look!"
he said. "There goes the Forest Service trail--along those ridges, on the
top, way over there till it comes to Lucytown, where is the Goverment road. We
go down there--no trail--see behind that mountain--you see the top, no trees,
and some grass?"
His arm was lifted, his brown hand pointing, his
dark eyes piercing into the distance, as he sat on his black horse twisting
round to her. Strange and ominous, only the demon of himself, he seemed to her.
She was dazed and a little sick, at that height, and she could not see any
more. Only she saw an eagle turning in the air beyond, and the light from the
west showed the pattern on him underneath.
"Shall I ever be able to go so far?"
asked the Princess faintly, petulantly.
"Oh yes! All easy now. No more hard
places."
They worked along the ridge, up and down,
keeping on the lee side, the inner side, in the dark shadow. It was cold. Then
the trail laddered up again, and they emerged on a narrow ridge-track, with the
mountain slipping away enormously on either side. The Princess was afraid. For
one moment she looked out, and saw the desert, the desert ridges, more desert,
more blue ridges, shining pale and very vast, far below, vastly palely tilting
to the western horizon. It was ethereal and terrifying in its gleaming, pale,
half-burnished immensity, tilted at the west. She could not bear it. To the
left was the ponderous, involved mass of mountains all kneeling heavily.
She closed her eyes and let her consciousness
evaporate away. The mare followed the trail. So on and on, in the wind again.
They turned their backs to the wind, facing
inwards to the mountains. She thought they had left the trail; it was quite
invisible.
"No," he said, lifting his hand and
pointing. "Don't you see the blazed trees?"
And making an effort of consciousness, she was
able to perceive on a pale-grey dead spruce stem the old marks where an axe had
chipped a piece away. But with the height, the cold, the wind, her brain was
numb.
They turned again and began to descend; he told
her they had left the trail. The horses slithered in the loose stones, picking
their way downward. It was afternoon, the sun stood obtrusive and gleaming in
the lower heavens--about four o'clock. The horses went steadily, slowly, but
obstinately onwards. The air was getting colder. They were in among the lumpish
peaks and steep concave valleys. She was barely conscious at all of Romero.
He dismounted and came to help her from her
saddle. She tottered, but would not betray her feebleness.
"We must slide down here," he said.
"I can lead the horses."
They were on a ridge, and facing a steep bare
slope of pallid, tawny mountain grass on which the western sun shone full. It
was steep and concave. The Princess felt she might start slipping, and go down
like a toboggan into the great hollow.
But she pulled herself together. Her eye blazed
up again with excitement and determination. A wind rushed past her; she could
hear the shriek of spruce trees far below. Bright spots came on her cheeks as
her hair blew across. She looked a wild, fairy-like little thing.
"No," she said. "I will take my
horse."
"Then mind she doesn't slip down on top of
you," said Romero. And away he went, nimbly dropping down the pale, steep
incline, making from rock to rock, down the grass, and following any little
slanting groove. His horse hopped and slithered after him, and sometimes
stopped dead, with forefeet pressed back, refusing to go farther. He, below his
horse, looked up and pulled the reins gently, and encouraged the creature. Then
the horse once more dropped his forefeet with a jerk, and the descent
continued.
The Princess set off in blind, reckless pursuit,
tottering and yet nimble. And Romero, looking constantly back to see how she
was faring, saw her fluttering down like some queer little bird, her orange
breeches twinkling like the legs of some duck, and her head, tied in the blue
and buff kerchief, bound round and round like the head of some blue-topped
bird. The sorrel mare rocked and slipped behind her. But down came the Princess
in a reckless intensity, a tiny, vivid spot on the great hollow flank of the
tawny mountain. So tiny! Tiny as a frail bird's egg. It made Romero's mind go
blank with wonder.
But they had to get down, out of that cold and
dragging wind. The spruce trees stood below, where a tiny stream emerged in
stones. Away plunged Romero, zigzagging down. And away behind, up the slope,
fluttered the tiny, bright-coloured Princess, holding the end of the long
reins, and leading the lumbering, four-footed, sliding mare.
At last they were down. Romero sat in the sun,
below the wind, beside some squaw-berry bushes. The Princess came near, the
colour flaming in her cheeks, her eyes dark blue, much darker than the kerchief
on her head, and glowing unnaturally.
"We make it," said Romero.
"Yes," said the Princess, dropping the
reins and subsiding on to the grass, unable to speak, unable to think.
But, thank heaven, they were out of the wind and
in the sun.
In a few minutes her consciousness and her
control began to come back. She drank a little water. Romero was attending to
the saddles. Then they set off again, leading the horses still a little farther
down the tiny stream-bed. Then they could mount.
They rode down a bank and into a valley grove
dense with aspens. Winding through the thin, crowding, pale-smooth stems, the
sun shone flickering beyond them, and the disc-like aspen leaves, waving queer
mechanical signals, seemed to be splashing the gold light before her eyes. She
rode on in a splashing dazzle of gold.
Then they entered shadow and the dark, resinous
spruce trees. The fierce boughs always wanted to sweep her off her horse. She
had to twist and squirm past.
But there was a semblance of an old trail. And
all at once they emerged in the sun on the edge of the spruce grove, and there
was a little cabin, and the bottom of a small, naked valley with grey rock and
heaps of stones, and a round pool of intense green water, dark green. The sun
was just about to leave it.
Indeed, as she stood, the shadow came over the
cabin and over herself; they were in the lower gloom, a twilight. Above, the
heights still blazed.
It was a little hole of a cabin, near the spruce
trees, with an earthen floor and an unhinged door. There was a wooden bed-bunk,
three old sawn-off log-lengths to sit on as stools, and a sort of fireplace; no
room for anything else. The little hole would hardly contain two people. The
roof had gone--but Romero had laid on thick spruce boughs.
The strange squalor of the primitive forest
pervaded the place, the squalor of animals and their droppings, the squalor of
the wild. The Princess knew the peculiar repulsiveness of it. She was tired and
faint.
Romero hastily got a handful of twigs, set a
little fire going in the stove grate, and went out to attend to the horses. The
Princess vaguely, mechanically, put sticks on the fire, in a sort of stupor,
watching the blaze, stupefied and fascinated. She could not make much fire--it
would set the whole cabin alight. And smoke oozed out of the dilapidated
mud-and-stone chimney.
When Romero came in with the saddle-pouches and
saddles, hanging the saddles on the wall, there sat the little Princess on her
stump of wood in front of the dilapidated fire-grate, warming her tiny hands at
the blaze, while her oranges breeches glowed almost like another fire. She was
in a sort of stupor.
"You have some whisky now, or some tea? Or
wait for some soup?" he asked.
She rose and looked at him with bright, dazed
eyes, half comprehending; the colour glowing hectic in her cheeks.
"Some tea," she said, "with a
little whisky in it. Where's the kettle?"
"Wait," he said. "I'll bring the
things."
She took her cloak from the back of her saddle,
and followed him into the open. It was a deep cup of shadow. But above the sky
was still shining, and the heights of the mountains were blazing with aspen
like fire blazing.
Their horses were cropping the grass among the
stones. Romero clambered up a heap of grey stones and began lifting away logs
and rocks, till he had opened the mouth of one of the miner's little old
workings. This was his cache. He brought out bundles of blankets, pans for
cooking, a little petrol camp-stove, an axe, the regular camp outfit. He seemed
so quick and energetic and full of force. This quick force dismayed the
Princess a little.
She took a saucepan and went down the stones to
the water. It was very still and mysterious, and of a deep green colour, yet
pure, transparent as glass. How cold the place was! How mysterious and fearful.
She crouched in her dark cloak by the water,
rinsing the saucepan, feeling the cold heavy above her, the shadow like a vast
weight upon her, bowing her down. The sun was leaving the mountain-tops,
departing, leaving her under profound shadow. Soon it would crush her down
completely.
Sparks? Or eyes looking at her across the water?
She gazed, hypnotised. And with her sharp eyes she made out in the dusk the
pale form of a bob-cat crouching by the water's edge, pale as the stones among
which it crouched, opposite. And it was watching her with cold, electric eyes
of strange intentness, a sort of cold, icy wonder and fearlessness. She saw
its museau pushed forward, its tufted ears pricking intensely
up. It was watching her with cold, animal curiosity, something demonish and
conscienceless.
She made a swift movement, spilling her water.
And in a flash the creature was gone, leaping like a cat that is escaping; but
strange and soft in its motion, with its little bob-tail. Rather fascinating.
Yet that cold, intent, demonish watching! She shivered with cold and fear. She
knew well enough the dread and repulsiveness of the wild.
Romero carried in the bundles of bedding and the
camp outfit. The windowless cabin was already dark inside. He lit a lantern,
and then went out again with the axe. She heard him chopping wood as she fed
sticks to the fire under her water. When he came in with an armful of oak-scrub
faggots, she had just thrown the tea into the water.
"Sit down," she said, "and drink
tea."
He poured a little bootleg whisky into the
enamel cups, and in the silence the two sat on the log-ends, sipping the hot
liquid and coughing occasionally from the smoke.
"We burn these oak sticks," he said.
"They don't make hardly any smoke."
Curious and remote he was, saying nothing except
what had to be said. And she, for her part, was as remote from him. They seemed
far, far apart, worlds apart, now they were so near.
He unwrapped one bundle of bedding, and spread
the blankets and the sheepskin in the wooden bunk.
"You lie down and rest," he said,
"and I make the supper."
She decided to do so. Wrapping her cloak round
her, she lay down in the bunk, turning her face to the wall. She could hear him
preparing supper over the little petrol stove. Soon she could smell the soup he
was heating; and soon she heard the hissing of fried chicken in a pan.
"You eat your supper now?" he said.
With a jerky, despairing movement, she sat up in
the bunk, tossing back her hair. She felt cornered.
"Give it me here," she said.
He handed her first the cupful of soup. She sat
among the blankets, eating it slowly. She was hungry. Then he gave her an
enamel plate with pieces of fried chicken and currant jelly, butter and bread.
It was very good. As they ate the chicken he made the coffee. She said never a
word. A certain resentment filled her. She was cornered.
When supper was over he washed the dishes, dried
them, and put everything away carefully, else there would have been no room to
move in the hole of a cabin. The oak-wood gave out a good bright heat.
He stood for a few moments at a loss. Then he
asked her:
"You want to go to bed soon?"
"Soon," she said. "Where are you
going to sleep?"
"I make my bed here--" he pointed to
the floor along the wall. "Too cold out of doors."
"Yes," she said. "I suppose it
is."
She sat immobile, her cheeks hot, full of
conflicting thoughts. And she watched him while he folded the blankets on the
floor, a sheepskin underneath. Then she went out into night.
The stars were big. Mars sat on the edge of a
mountain, for all the world like the blazing eye of a crouching mountain lion.
But she herself was deep, deep below in a pit of shadow. In the intense silence
she seemed to hear the spruce forest crackling with electricity and cold.
Strange, foreign stars floated on that unmoving water. The night was going to
freeze. Over the hills came the far sobbing-singing howling of the coyotes. She
wondered how the horses would be.
Shuddering a little, she turned to the cabin.
Warm light showed through its chinks. She pushed at the rickety, half-opened
door.
"What about the horses?" she said.
"My black, he won't go away. And your mare
will stay with him. You want to go to bed now?"
"I think I do."
"All right. I feed the horses some
oats."
And he went out into the night.
He did not come back for some time. She was
lying wrapped up tight in the bunk.
He blew out the lantern, and sat down on his
bedding to take off his clothes. She lay with her back turned. And soon, in the
silence, she was asleep.
She dreamed it was snowing, and the snow was
falling on her through the roof, softly, softly, helplessly, and she was going
to be buried alive. She was growing colder and colder, the snow was weighing
down on her. The snow was going to absorb her.
She awoke with a sudden convulsion, like pain.
She was really very cold; perhaps the heavy blankets had numbed her. Her heart
seemed unable to beat, she felt she could not move.
With another convulsion she sat up. It was
intensely dark. There was not even a spark of fire, the light wood had burned
right away. She sat in thick oblivious darkness. Only through a chink she could
see a star.
What did she want? Oh, what did she want? She
sat in bed and rocked herself woefully. She could hear the steady breathing of
the sleeping man. She was shivering with cold; her heart seemed as if it could
not beat. She wanted warmth, protection, she wanted to be taken away from
herself. And at the same time, perhaps more deeply than anything, she wanted to
keep herself intact, intact, untouched, that no one should have any power over
her, or rights to her. It was a wild necessity in her that no one, particularly
no man, should have any rights or power over her, that no one and nothing
should possess her.
Yet that other thing! And she was so cold, so
shivering, and her heart could not beat. Oh, would not someone help her heart
to beat?
She tried to speak, and could not. Then she
cleared her throat.
"Romero," she said strangely, "it
is so cold."
Where did her voice come from, and whose voice
was it, in the dark?
She heard him at once sit up, and his voice,
startled, with a resonance that seemed to vibrate against her, saying:
"You want me to make you warm?"
"Yes."
As soon as he had lifted her in his arms, she
wanted to scream to him not to touch her. She stiffened herself. Yet she was
dumb.
And he was warm, but with a terrible animal
warmth that seemed to annihilate her. He panted like an animal with desire. And
she was given over to this thing.
She had never, never wanted to be given over to
this. But she had willed that it should happen to her. And
according to her will, she lay and let it happen. But she never wanted it. She
never wanted to be thus assailed and handled, and mauled. She wanted to keep
herself to herself.
However, she had willed it to happen, and it had
happened. She panted with relief when it was over.
Yet even now she had to lie within the hard,
powerful clasp of this other creature, this man. She dreaded to struggle to go
away. She dreaded almost too much the icy cold of that other bunk.
"Do you want to go away from me?"
asked his strange voice. Oh, if it could only have been a thousand miles away
from her! Yet she had willed to have it thus close.
"No," she said.
And she could feel a curious joy and pride
surging up again in him: at her expense. Because he had got her. She felt like
a victim there. And he was exulting in his power over her, his possession, his
pleasure.
When dawn came, he was fast asleep. She sat up
suddenly.
"I want a fire," she said.
He opened his brown eyes wide, and smiled with a
curious tender luxuriousness.
"I want you to make a fire," she said.
He glanced at the chinks of light. His brown
face hardened to the day.
"All right," he said. "I'll make
it."
She did her face while he dressed. She could not
bear to look at him. He was so suffused with pride and luxury. She hid her face
almost in despair. But feeling the cold blast of air as he opened the door, she
wriggled down into the warm place where he had been. How soon the warmth ebbed,
when he had gone!
He made a fire and went out, returning after a
while with water.
"You stay in bed till the sun comes,"
he said. "It very cold."
"Hand me my cloak."
She wrapped the cloak fast round her, and sat up
among the blankets. The warmth was already spreading from the fire.
"I suppose we will start back as soon as
we've had breakfast?"
He was crouching at his camp-stove making
scrambled eggs. He looked up suddenly, transfixed, and his brown eyes, so soft
and luxuriously widened, looked straight at her.
"You want to?" he said.
"We'd better get back as soon as
possible," she said, turning aside from his eyes.
"You want to get away from me?" he
asked, repeating the question of the night in a sort of dread.
"I want to get away from here," she
said decisively. And it was true. She wanted supremely to get away, back to the
world of people.
He rose slowly to his feet, holding the
aluminium frying-pan.
"Don't you like last night?" he asked.
"Not really," she said. "Why? Do
you?"
He put down the frying-pan and stood staring at
the wall. She could see she had given him a cruel blow. But she did not relent.
She was getting her own back. She wanted to regain possession of all herself,
and in some mysterious way she felt that he possessed some part of her still.
He looked round at her slowly, his face greyish
and heavy.
"You Americans," he said, "you
always want to do a man down."
"I am not American," she said. "I
am British. And I don't want to do any man down. I only want to go back
now."
"And what will you say about me, down
there?"
"That you were very kind to me, and very
good."
He crouched down again, and went on turning the
eggs. He gave her her plate, and her coffee, and sat down to his own food.
But again he seemed not to be able to swallow.
He looked up at her.
"You don't like last night?" he asked.
"Not really," she said, though with
some difficulty. "I don't care for that kind of thing."
A blank sort of wonder spread over his face at
these words, followed immediately by a black look of anger, and then a stony,
sinister despair.
"You don't?" he said, looking her in
the eyes.
"Not really," she replied, looking
back with steady hostility into his eyes.
Then a dark flame seemed to come from his face.
"I make you," he said, as if to
himself.
He rose and reached her clothes, that hung on a
peg: the fine linen underwear, the orange breeches, the fleecy jumper, the
blue-and-bluff kerchief; then he took up her riding-boots and her bead
moccasins. Crushing everything in his arms, he opened the door. Sitting up, she
saw him stride down to the dark-green pool in the frozen shadow of that deep
cup of a valley. He tossed the clothing and the boots out on the pool. Ice had
formed. And on the pure, dark green mirror, in the slaty shadow, the Princess
saw her things lying, the white linen, the orange breeches, the black boots,
the blue moccasins, a tangled heap of colour. Romero picked up rocks and heaved
them out at the ice, till the surface broke and the fluttering clothing disappeared
in the rattling water, while the valley echoed and shouted again with the
sound.
She sat in despair among the blankets, hugging
tight her pale-blue cloak. Romero strode straight back to the cabin.
"Now you stay here with me," he said.
She was furious. Her blue eyes met his. They
were like two demons watching one another. In his face, beyond a sort of
unrelieved gloom, was a demonish desire for death.
He saw her looking round the cabin, scheming. He
saw her eyes on his rifle. He took the gun and went out with it. Returning, he
pulled out her saddle, carried it to the tarn, and threw it in. Then he fetched
his own saddle, and did the same.
"Now will you go away?" he said,
looking at her with a smile.
She debated within herself whether to coax him
and wheedle him. But she knew he was already beyond it. She sat among her
blankets in a frozen sort of despair, hard as hard ice with anger.
He did the chores, and disappeared with the gun.
She got up in her blue pyjamas, huddled in her cloak, and stood in the doorway.
The dark-green pool was motionless again, the stony slopes were pallid and
frozen. Shadow still lay, like an after-death, deep in this valley. Always in
the distance she saw the horses feeding. If she could catch one! The brilliant
yellow sun was half-way down the mountain. It was nine o'clock.
All day she was alone, and she was frightened.
What she was frightened of she didn't know. Perhaps the crackling in the dark
spruce wood. Perhaps just the savage, heartless wildness of the mountains. But
all day she sat in the sun in the doorway of the cabin, watching, watching for
hope. And all the time her bowels were cramped with fear.
She saw a dark spot that probably was a bear,
roving across the pale grassy slope in the far distance, in the sun.
When, in the afternoon, she saw Romero
approaching, with silent suddenness, carrying his gun and a dead deer, the
cramp in her bowels relaxed, then became colder. She dreaded him with a cold
dread.
"There is deer-meat," he said,
throwing the dead doe at her feet.
"You don't want to go away from here,"
he said. "This is a nice place."
She shrank into the cabin.
"Come into the sun," he said,
following her. She looked up at him with hostile, frightened eyes.
"Come into the sun," he repeated,
taking her gently by the arm, in a powerful grasp.
She knew it was useless to rebel. Quietly he led
her out, and seated himself in the doorway, holding her still by the arm.
"In the sun it is warm," he said.
"Look, this is a nice place. You are such a pretty white woman, why do you
want to act mean to me? Isn't this a nice place? Come! Come here! It is sure
warm here."
He drew her to him, and in spite of her stony
resistance, he took her cloak from her, holding her in her thin blue pyjamas.
"You sure are a pretty little white woman,
small and pretty," he said. "You sure won't act mean to me--you don't
want to, I know you don't."
She, stony and powerless, had to submit to him.
The sun shone on her white, delicate skin.
"I sure don't mind hell fire," he
said. "After this."
A queer, luxurious good humour seemed to possess
him again. But though outwardly she was powerless, inwardly she resisted him,
absolutely and stonily.
When later he was leaving her again, she said to
him suddenly:
"You think you can conquer me this way. But
you can't. You can never conquer me."
He stood arrested, looking back at her, with
many emotions conflicting in his face--wonder, surprise, a touch of horror, and
an unconscious pain that crumpled his face till it was like a mask. Then he
went out without saying a word, hung the dead deer on a bough, and started to
flay it. While he was at this butcher's work, the sun sank and cold night came
on again.
"You see," he said to her as he
crouched, cooking the supper, "I ain't going to let you go. I reckon you
called to me in the night, and I've some right. If you want to fix it up right
now with me, and say you want to be with me, we'll fix it up now and go down to
the ranch to-morrow and get married or whatever you want. But you've got to say
you want to be with me. Else I shall stay right here, till something
happens."
She waited a while before she answered:
"I don't want to be with anybody against my
will. I don't dislike you; at least, I didn't, till you tried to put your will
over mine. I won't have anybody's will put over me. You can't succeed. Nobody
could. You can never get me under your will. And you won't have long to try,
because soon they will send someone to look for me."
He pondered this last, and she regretted having
said it. Then, sombre, he bent to the cooking again.
He could not conquer her, however much he
violated her. Because her spirit was hard and flawless as a diamond. But he
could shatter her. This she knew. Much more, and she would be shattered.
In a sombre, violent excess he tried to expend
his desire for her. And she was racked with an agony, and felt each time she
would die. Because, in some peculiar way, he had got hold of her, some
unrealised part of her which she never wished to realise. Racked with a
burning, tearing anguish, she felt that the thread of her being would break,
and she would die. The burning heat that racked her inwardly.
If only, only she could be alone again, cool and
intact! If only she could recover herself again, cool and intact! Would she
ever, ever, ever be able to bear herself again?
Even now she did not hate him. It was beyond
that. Like some racking, hot doom. Personally he hardly existed.
The next day he would not let her have any fire,
because of attracting attention with the smoke. It was a grey day, and she was
cold. He stayed round, and heated soup on the petrol stove. She lay motionless
in the blankets.
And in the afternoon she pulled the clothes over
her head and broke into tears. She had never really cried in her life. He
dragged the blankets away and looked to see what was shaking her. She sobbed in
helpless hysterics. He covered her over again and went outside, looking at the
mountains, where clouds were dragging and leaving a little snow. It was a
violent, windy, horrible day, the evil of winter rushing down.
She cried for hours. And after this a great
silence came between them. They were two people who had died. He did not touch
her any more. In the night she lay and shivered like a dying dog. She felt that
her very shivering would rupture something in her body, and she would die.
At last she had to speak.
"Could you make a fire? I am so cold,"
she said, with chattering teeth.
"Want to come over here?" came his
voice.
"I would rather you made me a fire,"
she said, her teeth knocking together and chopping the words in two.
He got up and kindled a fire. At last the warmth
spread, and she could sleep.
The next day was still chilly, with some wind.
But the sun shone. He went about in silence, with a dead-looking face. It was
now so dreary and so like death she wished he would do anything rather than
continue in this negation. If now he asked her to go down with him to the world
and marry him, she would do it. What did it matter? Nothing mattered any more.
But he would not ask her. His desire was dead
and heavy like ice within him. He kept watch around the house.
On the fourth day as she sat huddled in the
doorway in the sun, hugged in a blanket, she saw two horsemen come over the
crest of the grassy slope--small figures. She gave a cry. He looked up quickly
and saw the figures. The men had dismounted. They were looking for the trail.
"They are looking for me," she said.
"Muy bien," he answered in
Spanish.
He went and fetched his gun, and sat with it
across his knees.
"Oh!" she said. "Don't
shoot!"
He looked across at her.
"Why?" he said. "You like staying
with me?"
"No," she said. "But don't
shoot."
"I ain't going to Pen," he said.
"You won't have to go to Pen," she
said. "Don't shoot!"
"I'm going to shoot," he muttered.
And straightaway he kneeled and took very careful
aim. The Princess sat on in an agony of helplessness and hopelessness.
The shot rang out. In an instant she saw one of
the horses on the pale grassy slope rear and go rolling down. The man had
dropped in the grass, and was invisible. The second man clambered on his horse,
and on that precipitous place went at a gallop in a long swerve towards the
nearest spruce tree cover. Bang! Bang! went Romero's shots. But each time he
missed, and the running horse leaped like a kangaroo towards cover.
It was hidden. Romero now got behind a rock;
tense silence, in the brilliant sunshine. The Princess sat on the bunk inside
the cabin, crouching, paralysed. For hours, it seemed, Romero knelt behind this
rock, in his black shirt, bare-headed, watching. He had a beautiful, alert
figure. The Princess wondered why she did not feel sorry for him. But her
spirit was hard and cold, her heart could not melt. Though now she would have
called him to her, with love.
But no, she did not love him. She would never
love any man. Never! It was fixed and sealed in her, almost vindictively.
Suddenly she was so startled she almost fell
from the bunk. A shot rang out quite close from behind the cabin. Romero leaped
straight into the air, his arms fell outstretched, turning as he leaped. And even
while he was in the air, a second shot rang out, and he fell with a crash,
squirming, his hands clutching the earth towards the cabin door.
The Princess sat absolutely motionless,
transfixed, staring at the prostrate figure. In a few moments the figure of a
man in the Forest Service appeared close to the house; a young man in a
broad-brimmed Stetson hat, dark flannel shirt, and riding-boots, carrying a
gun. He strode over to the prostrate figure.
"Got you, Romero!" he said aloud. And
he turned the dead man over. There was already a little pool of blood where
Romero's breast had been.
"H'm!" said the Forest Service man.
"Guess I got you nearer than I thought."
And he squatted there, staring at the dead man.
The distant calling of his comrade aroused him. He
stood up.
"Hullo, Bill!" he shouted. "Yep!
Got him! Yep! Done him in, apparently."
The second man rode out of the forest on a grey
horse. He had a ruddy, kind face, and round brown eyes, dilated with dismay.
"He's not passed out?" he asked
anxiously.
"Looks like it," said the first young
man coolly.
The second dismounted and bent over the body.
Then he stood up again, and nodded.
"Yea-a!" he said. "He's done in
all right. It's him all right, boy! It's Domingo Romero."
"Yep! I know it!" replied the other.
Then in perplexity he turned and looked into the
cabin, where the Princess squatted, staring with big owl eyes from her red
blanket.
"Hello!" he said, coming towards the
hut. And he took his hat off. Oh, the sense of ridicule she felt! Though he did
not mean any.
But she could not speak, no matter what she
felt.
"What'd this man start firing for?" he
asked.
She fumbled for words, with numb lips.
"He had gone out of his mind!" she
said, with solemn, stammering conviction.
"Good Lord! You mean to say he'd gone out
of his mind? Whew! That's pretty awful! That explains it then. H'm!"
He accepted the explanation without more ado.
With some difficulty they succeeded in getting
the Princess down to the ranch. But she, too, was not a little mad.
"I'm not quite sure where I am," she
said to Mrs. Wilkieson, as she lay in bed. "Do you mind explaining?"
Mrs. Wilkieson explained tactfully.
"Oh yes!" said the Princess. "I
remember. And I had an accident in the mountains, didn't I? Didn't we meet a
man who'd gone mad, and who shot my horse from under me?"
"Yes, you met a man who had gone out of his
mind."
The real affair was hushed up. The Princess
departed east in a fortnight's time, in Miss Cummins's care. Apparently she had
recovered herself entirely. She was the Princess, and a virgin intact.
But her bobbed hair was grey at the temples, and
her eyes were a little mad. She was slightly crazy.
"Since my accident in the mountains, when a
man went mad and shot my horse from under me, and my guide had to shoot him
dead, I have never felt quite myself."
So she put it.
Later, she married an elderly man, and seemed
pleased.
THE WITCH A
LA MODE
When Bernard Coutts alighted at East Croydon he
knew he was tempting Providence.
"I may just as well," he said to
himself, "stay the night here, where I am used to the place, as go to
London. I can't get to Connie's forlorn spot to-night, and I'm tired to death,
so why shouldn't I do what is easiest?"
He gave his luggage to a porter.
Again, as he faced the approaching tram-car:
"I don't see why I shouldn't go down to Purley. I shall just be in time
for tea."
Each of these concessions to his desires he made
against his conscience. But beneath his sense of shame his spirit exulted.
It was an evening of March. In the dark hollow
below Crown Hill the buildings accumulated, bearing the black bulk of the
church tower up into the rolling and smoking sunset.
"I know it so well," he thought.
"And love it," he confessed secretly in his heart.
The car ran on familiarly. The young man
listened for the swish, watched for the striking of the blue splash overhead,
at the bracket. The sudden fervour of the spark, splashed out of the mere wire,
pleased him.
"Where does it come from?" he asked
himself, and a spark struck bright again. He smiled a little, roused.
The day was dying out. One by one the arc lamps
fluttered or leaped alight, the strand of copper overhead glistened against the
dark sky that now was deepening to the colour of monkshood. The tram-car dipped
as it ran, seeming to exult. As it came clear of the houses, the young man,
looking west, saw the evening star advance, a bright thing approaching from a
long way off, as if it had been bathing in the surf of the daylight, and now
was walking shorewards to the night. He greeted the naked star with a bow of
the head, his heart surging as the car leaped.
"It seems to be greeting me across the
sky--the star," he said, amused by his own vanity.
Above the colouring of the afterglow the blade
of the new moon hung sharp and keen. Something recoiled in him.
"It is like a knife to be used at a
sacrifice," he said to himself. Then, secretly: "I wonder for
whom?"
He refused to answer this question, but he had
the sense of Constance, his betrothed, waiting for him in the Vicarage in the
north. He closed his eyes.
Soon the car was running full-tilt from the
shadow to the fume of yellow light at the terminus, where shop on shop and lamp
beyond lamp heaped golden fire on the floor of the blue night. The car, like an
eager dog, ran in home, sniffing with pleasure the fume of lights.
Coutts flung away uphill. He had forgotten he
was tired. From the distance he could distinguish the house, by the broad white
cloth of alyssum flowers that hung down the garden walls. He ran up the steep
path to the door, smelling the hyacinths in the dark, watching for the pale
fluttering of daffodils and the steadier show of white crocuses on the grassy
banks.
Mrs. Braithwaite herself opened the door to him.
"There!" she exclaimed. "I
expected you. I had your card saying you would cross from Dieppe to-day. You
wouldn't make up your mind to come here, not till the last minute, would you?
No--that's what I expected. You know where to put your things; I don't think
we've altered anything in the last year."
Mrs. Braithwaite chattered on, laughing all the
time. She was a young widow, whose husband had been dead two years. Of medium
height, sanguine in complexion and temper, there was a rich oily glisten in her
skin and in her black hair, suggesting the flesh of a nut. She was dressed for
the evening in a long gown of soft, mole-coloured satin.
"Of course, I'm delighted you've
come," she said at last, lapsing into conventional politeness, and then,
seeing his eyes, she began to laugh at her attempt at formality.
She let Coutts into a small, very warm room that
had a dark, foreign sheen, owing to the black of the curtains and hangings
covered thick with glistening Indian embroidery, and to the sleekness of some
Indian ware. A rosy old gentleman, with exquisite white hair and side-whiskers,
got up shakily and stretched out his hand. His cordial expression of welcome
was rendered strange by a puzzled, wondering look of old age, and by a certain
stiffness of his countenance, which now would only render a few expressions. He
wrung the newcomer's hand heartily, his manner contrasting pathetically with
his bowed and trembling form.
"Oh, why--why, yes, it's Mr. Coutts!
H'm--ay. Well, and how are you--h'm? Sit down, sit down." The old man rose
again, bowing, waving the young man into a chair. "Ay! well, and how are
you? . . . What? Have some tea--come on, come along; here's the tray. Laura,
ring for fresh tea for Mr. Courts. But I will do it." He suddenly
remembered his old gallantry, forgot his age and uncertainty. Fumbling, he rose
to go to the bell-pull.
"It's done, Pater--the tea will be in a
minute," said his daughter in high, distinct tones. Mr. Cleveland sank
with relief into his chair.
"You know, I'm beginning to be troubled
with rheumatism," he explained in confidential tones. Mrs. Braithwaite
glanced at the young man and smiled. The old gentleman babbled and chattered.
He had no knowledge of his guest beyond the fact of his presence; Coutts might
have been any other young man, for all his host was aware.
"You didn't tell us you were going away.
Why didn't you?" asked Laura, in her distinct tones, between laughing and
reproach. Coutts looked at her ironically, so that she fidgeted with some
crumbs on the cloth.
"I don't know," he said. "Why do
we do things?"
"I'm sure I don't know. Why do we? Because
we want to, I suppose," and she ended again with a little run of laughter.
Things were so amusing, and she was so healthy.
"Why do we do things,
Pater?" she suddenly asked in a loud voice, glancing with a little chuckle
of laughter at Coutts.
"Ay--why do we do things? What
things?" said the old man, beginning to laugh with his daughter.
"Why, any of the things that we do."
"Eh? Oh!" The old man was illuminated,
and delighted. "Well, now, that's a difficult question. I remember, when I
was a little younger, we used to discuss Free Will--got very hot about it . .
." He laughed, and Laura laughed, then said, in a high voice:
"Oh! Free Will! We shall really think
you're passé, if you revive that, Pater."
Mr. Cleveland looked puzzled for a moment. Then,
as if answering a conundrum, he repeated:
"Why do we do things? Now, why do we
do things?"
"I suppose," he said, in all good
faith, "it's because we can't help it--eh? What?"
Laura laughed. Coutts showed his teeth in a
smile.
"That's what I think, Pater," she said
loudly.
"And are you still engaged to your
Constance?" she asked of Coutts, with a touch of mockery this time. Coutts
nodded.
"And how is she?" asked the widow.
"I believe she is very well--unless my
delay has upset her," said Coutts, his tongue between his teeth. It hurt
him to give pain to his fiancée, and yet he did it wilfully.
"Do you know, she always reminds me of a
Bunbury--I call her your Miss Bunbury," Laura laughed.
Coutts did not answer.
"We missed you so much
when you first went away," Laura began, reestablishing the proprieties.
"Thank you," he said. She began to
laugh wickedly.
"On Friday evenings," she said, adding
quickly: "Oh, and this is Friday evening, and Winifred is coming just as
she used to--how long ago?--ten months?"
"Ten months," Coutts corroborated.
"Did you quarrel with Winifred?" she
asked suddenly.
"Winifred never quarrels," he
answered.
"I don't believe she does. Then why did you
go away? You are such a puzzle to me, you know--and I shall never rest till I
have had it out of you. Do you mind?"
"I like it," he said, quietly,
flashing a laugh at her.
She laughed, then settled herself in a
dignified, serious way.
"No, I can't make you out at all--nor can I
Winifred. You are a pair! But it's you who are the real
wonder. When are you going to be married?"
"I don't know--When I am sufficiently well
off."
"I asked Winifred to come
to-night," Laura confessed. The eyes of the man and woman met.
"Why is she so ironic to me?--does she
really like me?" Coutts asked of himself. But Laura looked too bonny and
jolly to be fretted by love.
"And Winifred won't tell me a word,"
she said.
"There is nothing to tell," he
replied.
Laura looked at him closely for a few moments.
Then she rose and left the room.
Presently there arrived a German lady with whom
Coutts was slightly acquainted. At about half-past seven came Winifred Varley.
Courts heard the courtly old gentleman welcoming her in the hall, heard her low
voice in answer. When she entered, and saw him, he knew it was a shock to her,
though she hid it as well as she could. He suffered too. After hesitating for a
second in the doorway, she came forward, shook hands without speaking, only
looking at him with rather frightened blue eyes. She was of medium height,
sturdy in build. Her face was white and impassive, without the least trace of a
smile. She was a blonde of twenty-eight, dressed in a white gown just short
enough not to touch the ground. Her throat was solid and strong, her arms heavy
and white and beautiful, her blue eyes heavy with unacknowledged passion. When
she had turned away from Coutts, she flushed vividly. He could see the pink in
her arms and throat, and he flushed in answer.
"That blush would hurt her," he said
to himself, wincing.
"I did not expect to see you," she
said, with a reedy timbre of voice, as if her throat were half-closed. It made
his nerves tingle.
"No--nor I you. At least . . ." He
ended indefinitely.
"You have come down from Yorkshire?"
she asked. Apparently she was cold and self-possessed. Yorkshire meant the Rectory
where his fiancée lived; he felt the sting of sarcasm.
"No," he answered. "I am on my
way there."
There was a moment's pause. Unable to resolve
the situation, she turned abruptly to her hostess.
"Shall we play, then?"
They adjourned to the drawing-room. It was a
large room upholstered in dull yellow. The chimney-piece took Coutts'
attention. He knew it perfectly well, but this evening it had a new, lustrous
fascination. Over the mellow marble of the mantel rose an immense mirror, very
translucent and deep, like deep grey water. Before this mirror, shining white
as moons on a soft grey sky, was a pair of statues in alabaster, two feet high.
Both were nude figures. They glistened under the side lamps, rose clean and
distinct from their pedestals. The Venus leaned slightly forward, as if
anticipating someone's coming. Her attitude of suspense made the young man
stiffen. He could see the clean suavity of her shoulders and waist reflected
white on the deep mirror. She shone, catching, as she leaned forward, the glow
of the lamp on her lustrous marble loins.
Laura played Brahms; the delicate, winsome
German lady played Chopin; Winifred played on her violin a Grieg sonata, to
Laura's accompaniment. After having sung twice, Coutts listened to the music.
Unable to criticise, he listened till he was intoxicated. Winifred, as she
played, swayed slightly. He watched the strong forward thrust of her neck, the
powerful and angry striking of her arm. He could see the outline of her figure;
she wore no corsets; and he found her of resolute independent build. Again he
glanced at the Venus bending in suspense. Winifred was blonde with a solid
whiteness, an isolated woman.
All the evening, little was said, save by Laura.
Miss Syfurt exclaimed continually: "Oh, that is fine! You play gra-and,
Miss Varley, don't you know. If I could play the violin--ah! the violin!"
It was not later than ten o'clock when Winifred
and Miss Syfurt rose to go, the former to Croydon, the latter to Ewell.
"We can go by car together to West
Croydon," said the German lady, gleefully, as if she were a child. She was
a frail, excitable little woman of forty, naïve and innocent. She gazed with
bright brown eyes of admiration on Coutts.
"Yes, I am glad," he answered.
He took up Winifred's violin, and the three
proceeded downhill to the tram-terminus. There a car was on the point of
departure. They hurried forward. Miss Syfurt mounted the step. Coutts waited
for Winifred. The conductor called:
"Come along, please, if you're going."
"No," said Winifred. "I prefer to
walk this stage."
"We can walk from West Croydon," said
Coutts.
The conductor rang the bell.
"Aren't you coming?" cried the frail,
excitable little lady, from the footboard. "Aren't you coming?--Oh!"
"I walk from West Croydon every day; I
prefer to walk here, in the quiet," said Winifred.
"Aw! aren't you coming with me?" cried
the little lady, quite frightened. She stepped back, in supplication, towards
the footboard. The conductor impatiently buzzed the bell. The car started
forward, Miss Syfurt staggered, was caught by the conductor.
"Aw!" she cried, holding her hand out
to the two who stood on the road, and breaking almost into tears of
disappointment. As the tram darted forward she clutched at her hat. In a moment
she was out of sight.
Coutts stood wounded to the quick by this pain
given to the frail, child-like lady.
"We may as well," said Winifred,
"walk over the hill to 'The Swan'." Her note had that intense reedy
quality which always set the man on edge; it was the note of her anger, or,
more often, of her tortured sense of discord. The two turned away, to climb the
hill again. He carried the violin; for a long time neither spoke.
"Ah, how I hate her, how I hate her!"
he repeated in his heart. He winced repeatedly at the thought of Miss Syfurt's little
cry of supplication. He was in a position where he was not himself, and he
hated her for putting him there, forgetting that it was he who had come, like a
moth to the candle. For half a mile he walked on, his head carried stiffly, his
face set, his heart twisted with painful emotion. And all the time, as she
plodded, head down, beside him, his blood beat with hate of her, drawn to her,
repelled by her.
At last, on the high-up, naked down, they came
upon those meaningless pavements that run through the grass, waiting for the
houses to line them. The two were thrust up into the night above the little
flowering of the lamps in the valley. In front was the daze of light from
London, rising midway to the zenith, just fainter than the stars. Across the valley,
on the blackness of the opposite hill, little groups of lights like gnats
seemed to be floating in the darkness. Orion was heeled over the West. Below,
in a cleft in the night, the long, low garland of arc lamps strung down the
Brighton Road, where now and then the golden tram-cars flew along the track,
passing each other with a faint, angry sound.
"It is a year last Monday since we came
over here," said Winifred, as they stopped to look about them.
"I remember--but I didn't know it was
then," he said. There was a touch of hardness in his voice. "I don't
remember our dates."
After a wait, she said in a very low, passionate
tones:
"It is a beautiful
night."
"The moon has set, and the evening
star," he answered; "both were out as I came down."
She glanced swiftly at him to see if this speech
was a bit of symbolism. He was looking across the valley with a set face. Very
slightly, by an inch or two, she nestled towards him.
"Yes," she said, half-stubborn,
half-pleading. "But the night is a very fine one, for all that."
"Yes," he replied, unwillingly.
Thus, after months of separation, they
dove-tailed into the same love and hate.
"You are staying down here?" she asked
at length, in a forced voice. She never intruded a hair's-breadth on the most
trifling privacy; in which she was Laura's antithesis; so that this question
was almost an impertinence for her. He felt her shrink.
"Till the morning--then Yorkshire," he
said cruelly.
He hated it that she could not bear
outspokenness.
At that moment a train across the valley
threaded the opposite darkness with its gold thread. The valley re-echoed with
vague threat. The two watched the express, like a gold-and-black snake, curve
and dive seawards into the night. He turned, saw her full, fine face tilted up
to him. It showed pale, distinct, and firm, very near to him. He shut his eyes
and shivered.
"I hate trains," he said, impulsively.
"Why?" she asked, with a curious,
tender little smile that caressed, as it were, his emotion towards her.
"I don't know; they pitch one about here
and there . . ."
"I thought," she said, with faint
irony, "that you preferred change."
"I do like life. But now I should like to
be nailed to something, if it were only a cross."
She laughed sharply, and said, with keen
sarcasm:
"Is it so difficult, then, to let yourself
be nailed to a cross? I thought the difficulty lay in getting free."
He ignored her sarcasm on his engagement.
"There is nothing now that matters,"
he said, adding quickly, to forestall her: "Of course I'm wild when
dinner's late, and so on; but . . . apart from those things . . . nothing seems
to matter."
She was silent.
"One goes on--remains in office, so to
speak; and life's all right--only, it doesn't seem to matter."
"This does sound like complaining of
trouble because you've got none," she laughed.
"Trouble . . ." he repeated. "No,
I don't suppose I've got any. Vexation, which most folk call trouble; but
something I really grieve about in my soul--no, nothing. I wish I had."
She laughed again sharply; but he perceived in
her laughter a little keen despair.
"I find a lucky pebble. I think, now I'll
throw it over my left shoulder, and wish. So I spit over my little finger, and
throw the white pebble behind me, and then, when I want to wish, I'm done. I
say to myself: 'Wish,' and myself says back: 'I don't want anything.' I say
again: 'Wish, you fool,' but I'm as dumb of wishes as a newt. And then, because
it rather frightens me, I say in a hurry: 'A million of money.' Do you know
what to wish for when you see the new moon?"
She laughed quickly.
"I think so," she said. "But my
wish varies."
"I wish mine did," he said,
whimsically lugubrious.
She took his hand in a little impulse of love.
They walked hand in hand on the ridge of the
down, bunches of lights shining below, the big radiance of London advancing
like a wonder in front.
"You know . . ." he began, then
stopped.
"I don't . . ." she ironically urged.
"Do you want to?" he laughed.
"Yes; one is never at peace with oneself
till one understands."
"Understands what?" he asked brutally.
He knew she meant that she wanted to understand the situation he and she were
in.
"How to resolve the discord," she
said, balking the issue. He would have liked her to say: "What you want of
me."
"Your foggy weather of symbolism, as
usual," he said.
"The fog is not of symbols," she
replied, in her metallic voice of displeasure. "It may be symbols are
candles in a fog."
"I prefer my fog without candles. I'm the
fog, eh? Then I'll blow out your candle, and you'll see me better. Your candles
of speech, symbols and so forth, only lead you more wrong. I'm going to wander
blind, and go by instinct, like a moth that flies and settles on the wooden box
his mate is shut up in."
"Isn't it an ignis fatuus you
are flying after, at that rate?" she said.
"Maybe, for if I breathe outwards, in the
positive movement towards you, you move off. If I draw in a vacant sigh of
soulfulness, you flow nearly to my lips."
"This is a very interesting symbol,"
she said, with sharp sarcasm.
He hated her, truly. She hated him. Yet they
held hands fast as they walked.
"We are just the same as we were a year
ago," he laughed. But he hated her, for all his laughter.
When, at the "Swan and Sugar-Loaf",
they mounted the car, she climbed to the top, in spite of the sharp night. They
nestled side by side, shoulders caressing, and all the time that they ran under
the round lamps neither spoke.
At the gate of a small house in a dark
tree-lined street, both waited a moment. From her garden leaned an almond tree
whose buds, early this year, glistened in the light of the street lamp, with
theatrical effect. He broke off a twig.
"I always remember this tree," he
said; "how I used to feel sorry for it when it was full out, and so
lively, at midnight in the lamplight. I thought it must be tired."
"Will you come in?" she asked
tenderly.
"I did get a room in town," he
answered, following her.
She opened the door with her latch-key, showing
him, as usual, into the drawing-room. Everything was just the same; cold in
colouring, warm in appointment; ivory-coloured walls, blond, polished floor,
with thick ivory-coloured rugs; three deep arm-chairs in pale amber, with large
cushions; a big black piano, a violin-stand beside it; and the room very warm
with a clear red fire, the brass shining hot. Coutts, according to his habit,
lit the piano-candles and lowered the blinds.
"I say," he said; "this is a
variation from your line!"
He pointed to a bowl of magnificent scarlet
anemones that stood on the piano.
"Why?" she asked, pausing in arranging
her hair at the small mirror.
"On the piano!" he
admonished.
"Only while the table was in use," she
smiled, glancing at the litter of papers that covered her table.
"And then--red flowers!"
he said.
"Oh, I thought they were such a fine piece
of colour," she replied.
"I would have wagered you would buy
freesias," he said.
"Why?" she smiled. He pleased her
thus.
"Well--for their cream and gold and
restrained, bruised purple, and their scent. I can't believe you bought
scentless flowers!"
"What!" She went forward, bent over
the flowers.
"I had not noticed," she said, smiling
curiously, "that they were scentless."
She touched the velvet black centres.
"Would you have bought them had you
noticed?" he asked.
She thought for a moment, curiously.
"I don't know . . . probably I should
not."
"You would never buy scentless
flowers," he averred. "Any more than you'd love a man because he was
handsome."
"I did not know," she smiled. She was
pleased.
The housekeeper entered with a lamp, which she
set on a stand.
"You will illuminate me?" he said to
Winifred. It was her habit to talk to him by candle-light.
"I have thought about you--now I will look
at you," she said quietly, smiling.
"I see--To confirm your conclusions?"
he asked.
Her eyes lifted quickly in acknowledgment of his
guess.
"That is so," she replied.
"Then," he said, "I'll wash my
hands."
He ran upstairs. The sense of freedom, of
intimacy, was very fascinating. As he washed, the little everyday action of
twining his hands in the lather set him suddenly considering his other love. At
her house he was always polite and formal; gentlemanly, in short. With Connie
he felt the old, manly superiority; he was the knight, strong and tender, she
was the beautiful maiden with a touch of God on her brow. He kissed her, he
softened and selected his speech for her, he forbore from being the greater
part of himself. She was his betrothed, his wife, his queen, whom he loved to
idealise, and for whom he carefully modified himself. She should rule him later
on--that part of him which was hers. But he loved her, too, with a pitying,
tender love. He thought of her tears upon her pillow in the northern Rectory,
and he bit his lip, held his breath under the strain of the situation. Vaguely
he knew she would bore him. And Winifred fascinated him. He and she really
played with fire. In her house, he was roused and keen. But she was not, and
never could be, frank. So he was not frank, even to himself. Saying nothing,
betraying nothing, immediately they were together they began the same game.
Each shuddered, each defenceless and exposed, hated the other by turns. Yet
they came together again. Coutts felt a vague fear of Winifred. She was intense
and unnatural--and he became unnatural and intense, beside her.
When he came downstairs she was fingering the
piano from the score of "Walküre".
"First wash in England," he announced,
looking at his hands. She laughed swiftly. Impatient herself of the slightest
soil, his indifference to temporary grubbiness amused her.
He was a tall, bony man, with small hands and feet.
His features were rough and rather ugly, but his smile was taking. She was
always fascinated by the changes in him. His eyes, particularly, seemed quite
different at times; sometimes hard, insolent, blue; sometimes dark, full of
warmth and tenderness; sometimes flaring like an animal's.
He sank wearily into a chair.
"My chair," he said, as if to himself.
She bowed her head. Of compact physique,
uncorseted, her figure bowed richly to the piano. He watched the shallow
concave between her shoulders, marvelling at its rich solidity. She let one arm
fall loose, he looked at the shadows in the dimples of her elbow. Slowly
smiling a look of brooding affection, of acknowledgment upon him for a
forgetful moment, she said:
"And what have you done lately?"
"Simply nothing," he replied quietly.
"For all that these months have been so full of variety, I think they will
sink out of my life; they will evaporate and leave no result; I shall forget
them."
Her blue eyes were dark and heavy upon him,
watching. She did not answer. He smiled faintly at her.
"And you?" he said, at length.
"With me it is different," she said
quietly.
"You sit with your crystal," he
laughed.
"While you tilt . . ." She hung on her
ending.
He laughed, sighed, and they were quiet awhile.
"I've got such a skinful of heavy visions,
they come sweating through my dreams," he said.
"Whom have you read?" She smiled.
"Meredith. Very healthy," he laughed.
She laughed quickly at being caught.
"Now, have you found out all you
want?" he asked.
"Oh, no," she cried with full throat.
"Well, finish, at any rate. I'm not
diseased. How are you?"
"But . . . but . . ." she stumbled on
doggedly. "What do you intend to do?"
He hardened the line of his mouth and eyes, only
to retort with immediate lightness:
"Just go on."
This was their battlefield: she could not
understand how he could marry: it seemed almost monstrous to her; she fought
against his marriage. She looked up at him, witch-like, from under bent brows.
Her eyes were dark blue and heavy. He shivered, shrank with pain. She was so
cruel to that other, common, everyday part of him.
"I wonder you dare go on like it," she
said.
"Why dare?" he replied. "What's
the odds?"
"I don't know," she answered, in deep,
bitter displeasure.
"And I don't care," he said.
"But . . ." she continued, slowly,
gravely pressing the point: "You know what you intend to do."
"Marry--settle--be a good husband, good
father, partner in the business; get fat, be an amiable gentleman--Q.E.F."
"Very good," she said, deep and final.
"Thank you."
"I did not congratulate you," she
said.
"Ah!" His voice tailed off into
sadness and self-mistrust. Meanwhile she watched him heavily. He did not mind
being scrutinised: it flattered him.
"Yes, it is, or may be, very good,"
she began; "but why all this?--why?"
"And why not? And why?--Because I want
to."
He could not leave it thus flippantly.
"You know, Winifred, we should only drive
each other into insanity, you and I: become abnormal."
"Well," she said, "and even so,
why the other?"
"My marriage?--I don't know.
Instinct."
"One has so many instincts," she
laughed bitterly.
That was a new idea to him.
She raised her arms, stretched them above her
head, in a weary gesture. They were fine, strong arms. They reminded Coutts of
Euripides' "Bacchae": white, round arms, long arms. The lifting of
her arms lifted her breasts. She dropped suddenly as if inert, lolling her arms
against the cushions.
"I really don't see why you should
be," she said drearily, though always with a touch of a sneer, "why
we should always--be fighting."
"Oh, yes, you do," he replied. It was
a deadlock which he could not sustain.
"Besides," he laughed, "it's your
fault."
"Am I so bad?" she
sneered.
"Worse," he said.
"But"--she moved irritably--"is
this to the point?"
"What point?" he answered; then,
smiling: "You know you only like a wild-goose chase."
"I do," she answered plaintively.
"I miss you very much. You snatch things from the Kobolds for me."
"Exactly," he said in a biting tone.
"Exactly! That's what you want me for. I am to be your crystal, your
'genius'. My length of blood and bone you don't care a rap for. Ah, yes, you
like me for a crystal-glass, to see things in: to hold up to the light. I'm a
blessed Lady-of-Shalott looking-glass for you."
"You talk to me," she
said, dashing his fervour, "of my fog of symbols!"
"Ah, well, if so, 'tis your own
asking."
"I did not know it." She looked at him
coldly. She was angry.
"No," he said.
Again, they hated each other.
"The old ancients," he laughed,
"gave the gods the suet and intestines: at least, I believe so. They ate
the rest. You shouldn't be a goddess."
"I wonder, among your rectory
acquaintances, you haven't learned better manners," she answered in cold
contempt. He closed his eyes, lying back in his chair, his legs sprawled
towards her.
"I suppose we're civilised savages,"
he said sadly. All was silent. At last, opening his eyes again, he said:
"I shall have to be going directly, Winifred; it is past eleven . .
." Then the appeal in his voice changed to laughter. "Though I know I
shall be winding through all the Addios in 'Traviata' before
you can set me travelling." He smiled gently at her, then closed his eyes
once more, conscious of deep, but vague, suffering. She lay in her chair, her
face averted, rosily, towards the fire. Without glancing at her he was aware of
the white approach of her throat towards her breast. He seemed to perceive her
with another, unknown sense that acted all over his body. She lay perfectly
still and warm in the fire-glow. He was dimly aware that he suffered.
"Yes," she said at length; "if we
were linked together we should only destroy each other."
He started, hearing her admit, for the first
time, this point of which he was so sure.
"You should never marry anyone,"
he said.
"And you," she asked in irony,
"must offer your head to harness and be bridled and driven?"
"There's the makings of quite a good,
respectable trotter in me," he laughed. "Don't you see it's what
I want to be?"
"I'm not sure," she laughed in return.
"I think so."
They were silent for a time. The white lamp
burned steadily as moonlight, the red fire like sunset; there was no stir or
flicker.
"And what of you?" he asked.
She crooned a faint, tired laugh.
"If you are jetsam, as you say you
are," she answered, "I am flotsam. I shall lie stranded."
"Nay," he pleaded. "When were you
wrecked?"
She laughed quickly, with a sound like a tinkle
of tears.
"Oh, dear Winifred!" he cried
despairingly.
She lifted her arms towards him, hiding her face
between them, looking up through the white closure with dark, uncanny eyes,
like an invocation. His breast lifted towards her uptilted arms. He shuddered,
shut his eyes, held himself rigid. He heard her drop her arms heavily.
"I must go," he said in a dull voice.
The rapidly-chasing quivers that ran in tremors
down the front of his body and limbs made him stretch himself, stretch hard.
"Yes," she assented gravely; "you
must go."
He turned to her. Again looking up darkly, from
under her lowered brows, she lifted her hands like small white orchids towards
him. Without knowing, he gripped her wrists with a grasp that circled his
blood-red nails with white rims.
"Good-bye," he said, looking down at
her. She made a small, moaning noise in her throat, lifting her face so that it
came open and near to him like a suddenly-risen flower, borne on a strong white
stalk. She seemed to extend, to fill the world, to become atmosphere and all.
He did not know what he was doing. He was bending forward, his mouth on hers,
her arms round his neck, and his own hands, still fastened on to her wrists,
almost bursting the blood under his nails with the intensity of their grip.
They remained for a few moments thus, rigid. Then, weary of the strain, she
relaxed. She turned her face, offered him her throat, white, hard, and rich,
below the ear. Stooping still lower, so that he quivered in every fibre at the
strain, he laid his mouth to the kiss. In the intense silence, he heard the
deep, dull pulsing of her blood, and a minute click of a spark within the lamp.
Then he drew her from the chair up to him. She
came, arms always round his neck, till at last she lay along his breast as he
stood, feet planted wide, clasping her tight, his mouth on her neck. She turned
suddenly to meet his full, red mouth in a kiss. He felt his moustache prick
back into his lips. It was the first kiss she had genuinely given. Dazed, he
was conscious of the throb of one great pulse, as if his whole body were a
heart that contracted in throbs. He felt, with an intolerable ache, as if he,
the heart, were setting the pulse in her, in the very night, so that everything
beat from the throb of his overstrained, bursting body.
The hurt became so great it brought him out of
the reeling stage to distinct consciousness. She clipped her lips, drew them
away, leaving him her throat. Already she had had enough. He opened his eyes as
he bent with his mouth on her neck, and was startled; there stood the objects
of the room, stark; there, close below his eyes, were the half-sunk lashes of
the woman, swooning on her unnatural ebb of passion. He saw her thus, knew that
she wanted no more of him than that kiss. And the heavy form of this woman hung
upon him. His whole body ached like a swollen vein, with heavy intensity, while
his heart grew dead with misery and despair. This woman gave him anguish and a
cutting-short like death; to the other woman he was false. As he shivered with
suffering, he opened his eyes again, and caught sight of the pure ivory of the
lamp. His heart flashed with rage.
A sudden involuntary blow of his foot, and he
sent the lamp-stand spinning. The lamp leaped off, fell with a smash on the
fair, polished floor. Instantly a bluish hedge of flame quivered, leaped up
before them. She had lightened her hold round his neck, and buried her face
against his throat. The flame veered at her, blue, with a yellow tongue that
licked her dress and her arm. Convulsive, she clutched him, almost strangled
him, though she made no sound.
He gathered her up and bore her heavily out of
the room. Slipping from her clasp, he brought his arms down her form, crushing
the starting blaze of her dress. His face was singed. Staring at her, he could
scarcely see her.
"I am not hurt," she cried. "But
you?"
The housekeeper was coming; the flames were
sinking and waving up in the drawing-room. He broke away from Winifred, threw
one of the great woollen rugs on to the flame, then stood a moment looking at
the darkness.
Winifred caught at him as he passed her.
"No, no," he answered, as he fumbled
for the latch. "I'm not hurt. Clumsy fool I am--clumsy fool!"
In another instant he was gone, running with
burning-red hands held out blindly, down the street.
THINGS
They were true idealists, from New England. But
that is some time ago: before the War. Several years before the War they met
and married; he a tall, keen-eyed young man from Connecticut, she a smallish,
demure, Puritan-looking young woman from Massachusetts. They both had a little
money. Not much, however. Even added together it didn't make three thousand
dollars a year. Still--they were free. Free!
Ah!--freedom! To be free to live one's own life!
To be twenty-five and twenty-seven, a pair of true idealists with a mutual love
of beauty and an inclination towards "Indian thought"--meaning, alas!
Mrs Besant--and an income a little under three thousand dollars a year! But
what is money? All one wishes to do is to live a full and beautiful life. In
Europe, of course, right at the fountain-head of tradition. It might possibly
be done in America: in New England, for example. But at forfeiture of a certain
amount of "beauty". True beauty takes a long time to mature. The
baroque is only half-beautiful, half-matured. No, the real silver bloom, the
real golden-sweet bouquet of beauty, had its roots in the Renaissance, not in
any later or shallower period.
Therefore, the two idealists, who were married
in New Haven, sailed at once to Paris: Paris of the old days. They had a studio
apartment on the Boulevard Montparnasse, and they became real Parisians, in the
old, delightful sense, not in the modern, vulgar. It was the shimmer of the
pure impressionists, Monet and his followers, the world seen in terms of pure
light, light broken and unbroken. How lovely! How lovely! how lovely the
nights, the river, the mornings in the old streets and by the flower-stalls and
the book-stalls, the afternoons up on Montmartre or in the Tuileries, the
evenings on the boulevards!
They both painted, but not desperately. Art had
not taken them by the throat, and they did not take Art by the throat. They
painted: that's all. They knew people--nice people, if possible, though one had
to take them mixed. And they were happy.
Yet it seems as if human beings must set their
claws in something. To be "free", to be "living
a full and beautiful life", you must, alas! be attached to something. A
"full and beautiful life" means a tight attachment to something--at
least, it is so for all idealists--or else a certain boredom supervenes; there
is a certain waving of loose ends upon the air, like the waving, yearning
tendrils of the vine that spread and rotate, seeking something to clutch,
something up which to climb towards the necessary sun. Finding nothing, the
vine can only trail, half-fulfilled, upon the ground. Such is freedom--a
clutching of the right pole. And human beings are all vines. But especially the
idealist. He is a vine, and he needs to clutch and climb. And he despises the
man who is a mere potato, or turnip, or lump of wood.
Our idealists were frightfully happy, but they
were all the time reaching out for something to cotton on to. At first, Paris
was enough. They explored Paris thoroughly. And they learned
French till they almost felt like French people, they could speak it so glibly.
Still, you know, you never talk French with
your soul. It can't be done. And though it's very thrilling,
at first, talking in French to clever Frenchmen--they seem so much
cleverer than oneself--still, in the long run, it is not satisfying. The
endlessly clever materialism of the French leaves you cold, in
the end, gives a sense of barrenness and incompatibility with true New England
depth. So our two idealists felt.
They turned away from France--but ever so
gently. France had disappointed them. "We've loved it, and we've got a
great deal out of it. But after a while, a considerable while--several years,
in fact--Paris leaves one feeling disappointed. It hasn't quite got what one
wants."
"But Paris isn't France."
"No, perhaps not. France is quite different
from Paris. And France is lovely--quite lovely. But to us, though
we love it, it doesn't say a great deal."
So, when the War came, the idealists moved to
Italy. And they loved Italy. They found it beautiful, and more poignant than
France. It seemed much nearer to the New England conception of beauty:
something pure, and full of sympathy, without the materialism and
the cynicism of the French. The two idealists seemed to
breathe their own true air in Italy.
And in Italy, much more than in Paris, they felt
they could thrill to the teachings of the Buddha. They entered the swelling
stream of modern Buddhistic emotion, and they read the books, and they
practised meditation, and they deliberately set themselves to eliminate from
their own souls greed, pain, and sorrow. They did not realise--yet--that
Buddha's very eagerness to free himself from pain and sorrow is in itself a
sort of greed. No, they dreamed of a perfect world, from which all greed, and
nearly all pain, and a great deal of sorrow, were eliminated.
But America entered the War, so the two
idealists had to help. They did hospital work. And though their experience made
them realise more than ever that greed, pain, and sorrow should be
eliminated from the world, nevertheless, the Buddhism, or the theosophy, didn't
emerge very triumphant from the long crisis. Somehow, somewhere, in some part
of themselves, they felt that greed, pain and sorrow would never be eliminated,
because most people don't care about eliminating them, and never will care. Our
idealists were far too Western to think of abandoning all the world to
damnation while they saved their two selves. They were far too unselfish to sit
tight under a bho-tree and reach Nirvana in a mere couple.
It was more than that, though. They simply
hadn't enough Sitzfleisch to squat under a bho-tree and get to
Nirvana by contemplating anything, least of all their own navel. If the whole
wide world was not going to be saved, they, personally, were not so very keen
on being saved just by themselves. No, it would be so lonesome. They were New
Englanders, so it must be all or nothing. Greed, pain and sorrow must either be
eliminated from all the world,or else what was the use of
eliminating them from oneself? No use at all! One was just a victim.
And so--although they still loved "Indian
thought", and felt very tender about it: well, to go back to our metaphor,
the pole up which the green and anxious vines had clambered so far now proved
dry-rotten. It snapped, and the vines came slowly subsiding to earth again.
There was no crack and crash. The vines held themselves up by their own
foliage, for a while. But they subsided. The beanstalk of "Indian
thought" had given way before Jack had climbed off the tip of it to a
further world.
They subsided with a slow rustle back to earth
again. But they made no outcry. They were again "disappointed". But
they never admitted it. "Indian thought" had let them down. But they
never complained. Even to one another they never said a word. But they were
disappointed, faintly but deeply disillusioned, and they both knew it. But the
knowledge was tacit.
And they still had so much in their lives. They
still had Italy--dear Italy. And they still had freedom, the priceless
treasure. And they still had so much "beauty". About the fullness of
their lives they were not quite so sure. They had one little boy, whom they
loved as parents should love their children, but whom they wisely refrained
from fastening upon, to build their lives on him. No, no, they must live their
own lives! They still had strength of mind to know that.
But they were now no longer so very young.
Twenty-five and twenty-seven had become thirty-five and thirty-seven. And
though they had had a very wonderful time in Europe, and though they still
loved Italy--dear Italy!--yet: they were disappointed. They had got a lot out
of it: oh, a very great deal indeed! Still, it hadn't given them quite,
not quite, what they had expected; Europe was lovely, but it
was dead. Living in Europe, you were living on the past. And Europeans, with
all their superficial charm, were not really charming. They
were materialistic, they had no real soul. They just did not
understand the inner urge of the spirit, because the inner urge was dead in
them; they were all survivals. There, that was the truth about Europeans: they
were survivals, with no more getting ahead in them.
It was another bean-pole, another vine-support
crumbled under the green life of the vine. And very bitter it was, this time.
For up the old tree-trunk of Europe the green vine had been clambering silently
for more than ten years, ten hugely important years, the years of real living.
The two idealists had lived in Europe, lived on Europe and on
European life and European things as vines in an everlasting vineyard.
They had made their home here: a home such as
you could never make in America. Their watchword had been "beauty".
They had rented, the last four years, the second floor of an old Palazzo on the
Arno, and here they had all their "things". And they derived a
profound satisfaction from their apartment: the lofty, silent, ancient rooms
with windows on the river, with glistening, dark-red floors, and the beautiful
furniture that the idealists had "picked up".
Yes, unknown to themselves, the lives of the
idealists had been running with a fierce swiftness horizontally, all the time.
They had become tense, fierce hunters of "things" for their home.
While their soul was climbing up to the sun of old European culture or old
Indian thought, their passions were running horizontally, clutching at
"things". Of course, they did not buy the things for the things'
sakes, but for the sake of "beauty". They looked upon their home as a
place entirely furnished by loveliness, not by "things" at all.
Valerie had some very lovely curtains at the windows of the long salotto, looking
on the river: curtains of queer ancient material that looked like finely
knitted silk, most beautifully faded down from vermilion and orange and gold
and black, to a sheer soft glow. Valerie hardly ever came into the salotto without
mentally falling on her knees before the curtains. "Chartres!" she
said. "To me they are Chartres!" And Melville never turned and looked
at his sixteenth-century Venetian book-case, with its two or three dozen of
choice books, without feeling his marrow stir in his bones. The holy of holies!
The child silently, almost sinisterly, avoided
any rude contact with these ancient monuments of furniture, as if they had been
nests of sleeping cobras, or that "thing" most perilous to the
touch--the Ark of the Covenant. His childish awe was silent, and cold, but
final.
Still, a couple of New England idealists cannot
live merely on the bygone glory of their furniture. At least, one couple could
not. They got used to the marvellous Bologna cupboard, they got used to the
wonderful Venetian book-case, and the books, and the Siena curtains and
bronzes, and the lovely sofas and side-tables and chairs they had "picked
up" in Paris. Oh, they had been picking things up since the first day they
landed in Europe. And they were still at it. It is the last interest Europe can
offer to an outsider: or to an insider either.
When people came, and were thrilled by the
Melville interior, then Valerie and Erasmus felt they had not lived in vain:
that they still were living. But in the long mornings, when Erasmus was
desultorily working at Renaissance Florentine literature, and Valerie was
attending to the apartment; and in the long hours after lunch; and in the long,
usually very cold and oppressive evenings in the ancient palazzo: then the halo
died from around the furniture, and the things became things, lumps of matter
that just stood there or hung there, ad infinitum, and said
nothing; and Valerie and Erasmus almost hated them. The glow of beauty, like
every other glow, dies down unless it is fed. The idealists still dearly loved
their things. But they had got them. And the sad fact is, things that glow
vividly while you're getting them go almost quite cold after a year or two.
Unless, of course, people envy you them very much, and the museums are pining
for them. And the Melvilles' "things", though very good, were not
quite as good as that.
So the glow gradually went out of everything,
out of Europe, out of Italy--"the Italians are dears"--even
out of that marvellous apartment on the Arno. "Why, if I had this
apartment I'd never, never even want to go out of doors! It's too lovely and
perfect." That was something, of course, to hear that.
And yet Valerie and Erasmus went out of doors;
they even went out to get away from its ancient, cold-floored, stone-heavy
silence and dead dignity. "We're living on the past, you know, Dick,"
said Valerie to her husband. She called him Dick.
They were grimly hanging on. They did not like
to give in. They did not like to own up that they were through. For twelve
years, now, they had been "free" people, living a "full and
beautiful life". And America for twelve years had been their anathema, the
Sodom and Gomorrah of industrial materialism.
It wasn't easy to own that you were
"through". They hated to admit that they wanted to go back. But at
last, reluctantly, they decided to go, "for the boy's sake". "We
can't bear to leave Europe. But Peter is an American, so he
had better look at America while he's young." The Melvilles had an
entirely English accent and manner--almost--a little Italian and French here
and there.
They left Europe behind, but they took as much
of it along with them as possible. Several van-loads, as a matter of fact. All
those adorable and irreplaceable "things". And all arrived in New
York, idealists, child, and the huge bulk of Europe they had lugged along.
Valerie had dreamed of a pleasant apartment,
perhaps on Riverside Drive, where it was not so expensive as east of Fifth
Avenue, and where all their wonderful things would look marvellous. She and
Erasmus house-hunted. But, alas! their income was quite under three thousand
dollars a year. They found--well, everybody knows what they found. Two small
rooms and a kitchenette, and don't let us unpack a thing!
The chunk of Europe which they had bitten off
went into a warehouse, at fifty dollars a month. And they sat in two small
rooms and a kitchenette, and wondered why they'd done it.
Erasmus, of course, ought to get a job. This was
what was written on the wall, and what they both pretended not to see. But it
had been the strange, vague threat that the Statue of Liberty had always held
over them: "Thou shalt get a job!" Erasmus had the tickets, as they
say. A scholastic career was still possible for him. He had taken his exams,
brilliantly at Yale, and had kept up his "researches" all the time he
had been in Europe.
But both he and Valerie shuddered. A scholastic
career! The scholastic world! The American scholastic world!
Shudder upon shudder! Give up their freedom, their full and beautiful life?
Never! Never! Erasmus would be forty next birthday.
The "things" remained in warehouse.
Valerie went to look at them. It cost her a dollar an hour, and horrid pangs.
The "things", poor things, looked a bit shabby and wretched in that
warehouse.
However, New York was not all America. There was
the great clean West. So the Melvilles went West, with Peter, but without the
things. They tried living the simple life in the mountains. But doing their own
chores became almost a nightmare. "Things" are all very well to look
at, but it's awful handling them, even when they're beautiful. To be the slave
of hideous things, to keep a stove going, cook meals, wash dishes, carry water,
and clean floors: pure horror of sordid anti-life!
In the cabin on the mountains Valerie dreamed of
Florence, the lost apartment; and her Bologna cupboard and Louis Quinze chairs,
above all, her "Chartres" curtains, stored in New York--and costing
fifty dollars a month.
A millionaire friend came to the rescue,
offering them a cottage on the Californian coast--California! Where the new
soul is to be born in man. With joy the idealists moved a little farther west,
catching at new vine-props of hope.
And finding them straws! The millionaire cottage
was perfectly equipped. It was perhaps as labour-savingly perfect as is
possible: electric heating and cooking, a white-and-pearl-enamelled kitchen,
nothing to make dirt except the human being himself. In an hour or so the idealists
had got through their chores. They were "free"--free to hear the
great Pacific pounding the coast, and to feel a new soul filling their bodies.
Alas! the Pacific pounded the coast with hideous
brutality, brute force itself! And the new soul, instead of sweetly stealing
into their bodies, seemed only meanly to gnaw the old soul out of their bodies.
To feel you are under the fist of the most blind and crunching brute force: to
feel that your cherished idealist's soul is being gnawed out of you, and only
irritation left in place of it: well, it isn't good enough.
After about nine months the idealists departed
from the Californian west. It had been a great experience; they were glad to
have had it. But, in the long run, the West was not the place for them, and
they knew it. No, the people who wanted new souls had better get them. They,
Valerie and Erasmus Melville, would like to develop the old soul a little
further. Anyway, they had not felt any influx of new soul on the Californian
coast. On the contrary.
So, with a slight hole in their material
capital, they returned to Massachusetts and paid a visit to Valerie's parents,
taking the boy along. The grandparents welcomed the child--poor expatriated
boy--and were rather cold to Valerie, but really cold to Erasmus. Valerie's
mother definitely said to Valerie one day that Erasmus ought to take a job, so
that Valerie could live decently. Valerie haughtily reminded her mother of the
beautiful apartment on the Arno, and the "wonderful" things in store
in New York, and of the "marvellous and satisfying life" she and
Erasmus had led. Valerie's mother said that she didn't think her daughter's
life looked so very marvellous at present: homeless, with a husband idle at the
age of forty, a child to educate, and a dwindling capital, looked the reverse
of marvellous to her. Let Erasmus take some post in one of the
universities.
"What post? What university?"
interrupted Valerie.
"That could be found, considering your
father's connections and Erasmus's qualifications," replied Valerie's
mother. "And you could get all your valuable things out of store, and have
a really lovely home, which everybody in America would be proud to visit. As it
is, your furniture is eating up your income, and you are living like rats in a hole,
with nowhere to go to."
This was very true. Valerie was beginning to
pine for a home, with her "things". Of course, she could have sold
her furniture for a substantial sum. But nothing would have induced her to.
Whatever else passed away--religions, cultures, continents, and hopes--Valerie
would never part from the "things" which she and
Erasmus had collected with such passion. To these she was nailed.
But she and Erasmus still would not give up that
freedom, that full and beautiful life they had so believed in. Erasmus cursed
America. He did not want to earn a living. He panted for
Europe.
Leaving the boy in charge of Valerie's parents,
the two idealists once more set off for Europe. In New York they paid two
dollars and looked for a brief, bitter hour at their "things". They
sailed "student class"--that is, third. Their income now was less
than two thousand dollars, instead of three. And they made straight for
Paris--cheap Paris.
They found Europe, this time, a complete
failure. "We have returned like dogs to our vomit," said Erasmus;
"but the vomit has staled in the meantime." He found he couldn't
stand Europe. It irritated every nerve in his body. He hated America, too. But
America at least was a darn sight better than this miserable, dirt-eating
continent; which was by no means cheap any more, either.
Valerie, with her heart on her things--she had
really burned to get them out of that warehouse, where they had stood now for
three years, eating up two thousand dollars--wrote to her mother she thought
Erasmus would come back if he could get some suitable work in America. Erasmus,
in a state of frustration bordering on rage and insanity, just went round Italy
in a poverty-stricken fashion, his coat-cuffs frayed, hating everything with
intensity. And when a post was found for him in Cleveland University, to teach
French, Italian, and Spanish literature, his eyes grew more beady, and his
long, queer face grew sharper and more rat-like with utter baffled fury. He was
forty, and the job was upon him.
"I think you'd better accept, dear. You
don't care for Europe any longer. As you say, it's dead and finished. They
offer us a house on the College lot, and mother says there's room in it for all
our things. I think we'd better cable 'Accept'."
He glowered at her like a cornered rat. One
almost expected to see rat's whiskers twitching at the sides of the sharp nose.
"Shall I send the cablegram?" she
asked.
"Send it!" he blurted.
And she went out and sent it.
He was a changed man, quieter, much less
irritable. A load was off him. He was inside the cage.
But when he looked at the furnaces of Cleveland,
vast and like the greatest of black forests, with red- and white-hot cascades
of gushing metal, and tiny gnomes of men, and terrific noises, gigantic, he
said to Valerie:
"Say what you like, Valerie, this is the
biggest thing the modern world has to show."
And when they were in their up-to-date little
house on the college lot of Cleveland University, and that woe-begone débris of
Europe--Bologna cupboard, Venice book-shelves, Ravenna bishop's chair, Louis
Quinze side-tables, "Chartres" curtains, Siena bronze lamps--all were
arrayed, and all looked perfectly out of keeping, and therefore very
impressive; and when the idealists had had a bunch of gaping people in, and Erasmus
had showed off in his best European manner, but still quite cordial and
American, and Valerie had been most ladylike, but for all that "we prefer
America"; then Erasmus said, looking at her with the queer sharp eyes of a
rat:--
"Europe's the mayonnaise all right, but
America supplies the good old lobster--what?"
"Every time!" she said, with
satisfaction.
And he peered at her. He was in the cage: but it
was safe inside. And she, evidently, was her real self at last. She had got the
goods. Yet round his nose was a queer, evil, scholastic look, of pure
scepticism. But he liked lobster.
THE END
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