POETRY

Beauty by Tony Hoagland

When the medication she was taking

caused tiny vessels in her face to break,

leaving faint but permanent blue stitches in her cheeks,   

my sister said she knew she would

never be beautiful again.

     Apabila ubat yang dia guna menyebabkan urat-urat halus di mukanya pecah, melemahkannya malah meninggalkan calar-calar biru di pipi, adik perempuanku kata dia tahu dia takkan kembali cantik.

After all those years

of watching her reflection in the mirror,   

sucking in her stomach and standing straight, 

she said it was a relief,

being done with beauty,

     Setelah bertahun-tahun melihat bayangnya di muka cermin, mengempiskan perutnya dan berdiri tegak, dia kata dah rasa lega setelah tak ambil kisah berkenaan kecantikan, 

but I could see her pause inside that moment   

as the knowledge spread across her face  

with a fine distress, sucking

the peach out of her lips,

making her cute nose seem, for the first time,

a little knobby.

     Tapi aku boleh lihat dia berhenti sejenak di ketika itu seiring maklumat tersebar ke seluruh muka dengan penuh kesengsaraan, kemam bibir, membuatkan hidung comelnya, buat kali pertama, sedikit herot. 

I’m probably the only one in the whole world   

who actually remembers the year in high school  

she perfected the art

of being a dumb blond,

     Aku mungkin satu-satunya di dunia ini yang ingat bertahun di sekolah menengah dia sempurnakan seni melakonkan sebagai si rambut perang yang bodoh, 

spending recess on the breezeway by the physics lab,   

tossing her hair and laughing that canary trill   

which was her specialty,

     menghabiskan waktu rehat di laluan berbumbung berhampiran makmal fizik, pamer kemahiran kibar-kibarkan rambutnya serta ketawa bagai kenari,  

while some football player named Johnny   

with a pained expression in his eyes

wrapped his thick finger over and over again   

in the bedspring of one of those pale curls.

     Manakala seorang pemain bola bernama Johnny dengan ekspresi sakit hati di matanya lagi dan lagi membelit rambut kerinting yang anjal itu ke celah jarinya.  

Or how she spent the next decade of her life   

auditioning a series of tall men,

looking for just one with the kind

of attention span she could count on.

     Atau bagaimana dia menghabiskan dekad kehidupan berikutnya memilih sejumlah lelaki tinggi, mencari hanya seorang yang punya ciri-ciri yang dia boleh harapkan 

Then one day her time of prettiness   

was over, done, finito,

and all those other beautiful women   

in the magazines and on the streets   

just kept on being beautiful

everywhere you looked,

     Suatu hari kemudian kecantikannya tiada lagi, selesai, tamat, dan semua perempuan cantik lain yang ada dalam majalah dan di jalanan terus kelihatan cantik di mana-mana kau lihat, 

walking in that kind of elegant, disinterested trance

in which you sense they always seem to have one hand  

touching the secret place

that keeps their beauty safe,

inhaling and exhaling the perfume of it—

     berjalan anggun, dalam khayalan yang dibenci kerana kau berasa mereka sering meletakkan sebelah tangan di tempat rahsia bagi mengekalkan kecantikan mereka, menyedut dan menghembuskan wangiannya -  

It was spring. Season when the young   

buttercups and daisies climb up on the   

mulched bodies of their forebears   

to wave their flags in the parade.

     Musim lalu itu musim bunga. Waktu buterkup dan daisi memanjat sungkupan nenek moyang mereka untuk mengibarkan bendera-bendera mereka dalam perbarisan.

My sister just stood still for thirty seconds,   

amazed by what was happening,

then shrugged and tossed her shaggy head   

as if she was throwing something out,

     Adik perempuanku sekadar berdiri diam tiga puluh saat, kagum dengan apa yang berlaku, kemudiannya mengangkat bahu dan menggeleng kepala berambut serabutnya bagaikan dia melontar sesuatu keluar,

something she had carried a long ways,

but had no use for anymore,

now that it had no use for her.

That, too, was beautiful.

     sesuatu yang dia telah bawa sejak lama, tapi tiada kegunaan lagi, kini benda berkenaan tak berguna lagi untuknya. Sesuatu yang dulunya turut kelihatan cantik.  

sumber: Donkey Gospel 1998