THE MADMAN
His Parables and Poems
by Kahlil Gibran
You ask me how I became a madman. It happened thus: One day, long
before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks
were stolen,--the seven masks I have fashioned and worn in seven lives,--I ran
maskless through the crowded streets shouting, “Thieves, thieves, the cursed
thieves.”
Men and women laughed at me and some ran to their houses in fear of me.
And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house-top cried, “He
is a madman.” I looked up to behold him; the sun kissed my own naked face for
the first time. For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul
was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my masks no more. And as if in
a trance I cried, “Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks.”
Thus I became a madman.
And I have found both freedom of loneliness and the safety from being
understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.
But let me not be too proud of my safety. Even a Thief in a jail is safe from
another thief.
In the ancient days, when the first quiver of speech came to my
lips, I ascended the holy mountain and spoke unto God, saying, “Master, I am
thy slave. Thy hidden will is my law and I shall obey thee for ever more.”
But God made no answer, and like a mighty tempest passed away.
And after a thousand years I ascended the holy mountain and again spoke unto
God, saying, “Creator, I am thy creation. Out of clay hast thou fashioned me
and to thee I owe mine all.”
And God made no answer, but like a thousand swift wings passed away.
And after a thousand years I climbed the holy mountain and spoke unto God
again, saying, “Father, I am thy son. In pity and love thou hast given me
birth, and through love and worship I shall inherit thy kingdom.”
And God made no answer, and like the mist that veils the distant hills he
passed away.
And after a thousand years I climbed the sacred mountain and again spoke unto
God, saying, “My God, my aim and my fulfilment; I am thy yesterday and thou are
my tomorrow. I am thy root in the earth and thou art my flower in the sky, and
together we grow before the face of the sun.”
Then God leaned over me, and in my ears whispered words of sweetness, and even
as the sea that enfoldeth a brook that runneth down to her, he enfolded me.
And when I descended to the valleys and the plains God was there also.
My friend, I am not what I seem. Seeming is but a garment I
wear--a care-woven garment that protects me from thy questionings and thee from
my negligence.
The “I” in me, my friend, dwells in the house of silence, and therein it shall
remain for ever more, unperceived, unapproachable.
I would not have thee believe in what I say nor trust in what I do--for my
words are naught but thy own thoughts in sound and my deeds thy own hopes in
action.
When thou sayest, “The wind bloweth eastward,” I say, “Aye it doth blow
eastward”; for I would not have thee know that my mind doth not dwell upon the
wind but upon the sea.
Thou canst not understand my seafaring thoughts, nor would I have thee
understand. I would be at sea alone.
When it is day with thee, my friend, it is night with me; yet even then I speak
of the noontide that dances upon the hills and of the purple shadow that steals
its way across the valley; for thou canst not hear the songs of my darkness nor
see my wings beating against the stars--and I fain would not have thee hear or
see. I would be with night alone.
When thou ascendest to thy Heaven I descend to my Hell--even then thou callest
to me across the unbridgeable gulf, “My companion, my comrade,” and I call back
to thee, “My comrade, my companion”--for I would not have thee see my Hell. The
flame would burn thy eyesight and the smoke would crowd thy nostrils. And I
love my Hell too well to have thee visit it. I would be in Hell alone.
Thou lovest Truth and Beauty and Righteousness; and I for thy sake say it is
well and seemly to love these things. But in my heart I laughed at thy love.
Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.
My friend, thou art good and cautious and wise; nay, thou art perfect--and I,
too, speak with thee wisely and cautiously. And yet I am mad. But I mask my
madness. I would be mad alone.
My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My
path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.
Once I said to a scarecrow, “You must be tired of standing in this
lonely field.”
And he said, “The joy of scaring is a deep and lasting one, and I never tire of
it.”
Said I, after a minute of thought, “It is true; for I too have known that joy.”
Said he, “Only those who are stuffed with straw can know it.”
Then I left him, not knowing whether he had complimented or belittled me.
A year passed, during which the scarecrow turned philosopher.
And when I passed by him again I saw two crows building a nest under his hat.
In the town where I was born lived a woman and her daughter, who
walked in their sleep.
One night, while silence enfolded the world, the woman and her daughter,
walking, yet asleep, met in their mist-veiled garden.
And the mother spoke, and she said: “At last, at last, my enemy! You by whom my
youth was destroyed--who have built up your life upon the ruins of mine! Would
I could kill you!”
And the daughter spoke, and she said: “O hateful woman, selfish and old! Who
stand between my freer self and me! Who would have my life an echo of your own
faded life! Would you were dead!”
At that moment a cock crew, and both women awoke. The mother said gently, “Is
that you, darling?” And the daughter answered gently, “Yes, dear.”
One day there passed by a company of cats a wise dog.
And as he came near and saw that they were very intent and heeded him not, he
stopped.
Then there arose in the midst of the company a large, grave cat and looked upon
them and said, “Brethren, pray ye; and when ye have prayed again and yet again,
nothing doubting, verily then it shall rain mice.”
And when the dog heard this he laughed in his heart and turned from them
saying, “O blind and foolish cats, has it not been written and have I not known
and my fathers before me, that that which raineth for prayer and faith and
supplication is not mice but bones.”
Upon a lonely mountain, there lived two hermits who worshipped God
and loved one another.
Now these two hermits had one earthen bowl, and this was their only possession.
One day an evil spirit entered into the heart of the older hermit and he came
to the younger and said, “It is long that we have lived together. The time has
come for us to part. Let us divide our possessions.”
Then the younger hermit was saddened and he said, “It grieves me, Brother, that
thou shouldst leave me. But if thou must needs go, so be it,” and he brought
the earthen bowl and gave it to him saying, “We cannot divide it, Brother, let
it be Thine.”
Then the older hermit said, “Charity I will not accept. I will take nothing but
mine own. It must be divided.”
And the younger one said, “If the bowl be broken, of what use would it be to
thee or to me? If it be thy pleasure let us rather cast a lot.”
But the older hermit said again, “I will have but justice and mine own, and I
will not trust justice and mine own to vain chance. The bowl must be divided.”
Then the younger hermit could reason no further and he said, “If it be indeed
thy will, and if even so thou wouldst have it let us now break the bowl.”
But the face of the older hermit grew exceedingly dark, and he cried, “O thou
cursed coward, thou wouldst not fight.”
Once there lived a man who had a valley--full of needles. And one
day the mother of Jesus came to him and said: “Friend, my son’s garment is torn
and I must needs mend it before he goeth to the temple. Wouldst thou not give
me a needle?”
And he gave her not a needle, but he gave her a learned discourse on Giving and
Taking to carry to her son before he should go to the temple.
In the stillest hour of the night, as I lay half asleep, my seven
selves sat together and thus conversed in whisper:
First Self: Here, in this madman, I have dwelt all these years, with naught to
do but renew his pain by day and recreate his sorrow by night. I can bear my
fate no longer, and now I rebel.
Second Self: Yours is a better lot than mine, brother, for it is given to me to
be this madman’s joyous self. I laugh his laughter and sing his happy hours,
and with thrice winged feet I dance his brighter thoughts. It is I that would
rebel against my weary existence.
Third Self: And what of me, the love-ridden self, the flaming brand of wild
passion and fantastic desires? It is I the love-sick self who would rebel
against this madman.
Fourth Self: I, amongst you all, am the most miserable, for naught was given me
but odious hatred and destructive loathing. It is I, the tempest-like self, the
one born in the black caves of Hell, who would protest against serving this
madman.
Fifth Self: Nay, it is I, the thinking self, the fanciful self, the self of
hunger and thirst, the one doomed to wander without rest in search of unknown
things and things not yet created; it is I, not you, who would rebel.
Sixth Self: And I, the working self, the pitiful labourer, who, with patient
hands, and longing eyes, fashion the days into images and give the formless
elements new and eternal forms--it is I, the solitary one, who would rebel
against this restless madman.
Seventh Self: How strange that you all would rebel against this man, because
each and every one of you has a preordained fate to fulfil. Ah! could I but be
like one of you, a self with a determined lot! But I have none, I am the
do-nothing self, the one who sits in the dumb, empty nowhere and nowhen, while
you are busy re-creating life. Is it you or I, neighbours, who should rebel?
When the seventh self thus spake the other six selves looked with pity upon him
but said nothing more; and as the night grew deeper one after the other went to
sleep enfolded with a new and happy submission.
But the seventh self remained watching and gazing at nothingness, which is
behind all things.
One night a feast was held in the palace, and there came a man and
prostrated himself before the prince, and all the feasters looked upon him; and
they saw that one of his eyes was out and that the empty socket bled. And the
prince inquired of him, “What has befallen you?” And the man replied, “O
prince, I am by profession a thief, and this night, because there was no moon,
I went to rob the money-changer’s shop, and as I climbed in through the window
I made a mistake and entered the weaver’s shop, and in the dark I ran into the
weaver’s loom and my eye was plucked out. And now, O prince, I ask for justice
upon the weaver.”
Then the prince sent for the weaver and he came, and it was decreed that one of
his eyes should be plucked out.
“O prince,” said the weaver, “the decree is just. It is right that one of my
eyes be taken. And yet, alas! both are necessary to me in order that I may see
the two sides of the cloth that I weave. But I have a neighbour, a cobbler, who
has also two eyes, and in his trade both eyes are not necessary.”
Then the prince sent for the cobbler. And he came. And they took out one of the
cobbler’s two eyes.
And justice was satisfied.
A fox looked at his shadow at sunrise and said, “I will have a
camel for lunch today.” And all morning he went about looking for camels. But
at noon he saw his shadow again--and he said, “A mouse will do.”
Once there ruled in the distant city of Wirani a king who was both
mighty and wise. And he was feared for his might and loved for his wisdom.
Now, in the heart of that city was a well, whose water was cool and
crystalline, from which all the inhabitants drank, even the king and his
courtiers; for there was no other well.
One night when all were asleep, a witch entered the city, and poured seven
drops of strange liquid into the well, and said, “From this hour he who drinks
this water shall become mad.”
Next morning all the inhabitants, save the king and his lord chamberlain, drank
from the well and became mad, even as the witch had foretold.
And during that day the people in the narrow streets and in the market places
did naught but whisper to one another, “The king is mad. Our king and his lord
chamberlain have lost their reason. Surely we cannot be ruled by a mad king. We
must dethrone him.”
That evening the king ordered a golden goblet to be filled from the well. And
when it was brought to him he drank deeply, and gave it to his lord chamberlain
to drink.
And there was great rejoicing in that distant city of Wirani, because its king
and its lord chamberlain had regained their reason.
Three men met at a tavern table. One was a weaver, another a
carpenter and the third a ploughman.
Said the weaver, “I sold a fine linen shroud today for two pieces of gold. Let
us have all the wine we want.”
“And I,” said the carpenter, “I sold my best coffin. We will have a great roast
with the wine.”
“I only dug a grave,” said the ploughman, “but my patron paid me double. Let us
have honey cakes too.”
And all that evening the tavern was busy, for they called often for wine and
meat and cakes. And they were merry.
And the host rubbed his hands and smiled at his wife; for his guests were
spending freely.
When they left the moon was high, and they walked along the road singing and
shouting together.
The host and his wife stood in the tavern door and looked after them.
“Ah!” said the wife, “these gentlemen! So freehanded and so gay! If only they
could bring us such luck every day! Then our son need not be a tavern-keeper
and work so hard. We could educate him, and he could become a priest.”
Last night I invented a new pleasure, and as I was giving it the
first trial an angel and a devil came rushing toward my house. They met at my
door and fought with each other over my newly created pleasure; the one crying,
“It is a sin!”--the other, “It is a virtue!”
Three days after I was born, as I lay in my silken cradle, gazing
with astonished dismay on the new world round about me, my mother spoke to the
wet-nurse, saying, “How does my child?”
And the wet-nurse answered, “He does well, Madame, I have fed him three times;
and never before have I seen a babe so young yet so gay.”
And I was indignant; and I cried, “It is not true, mother; for my bed is hard,
and the milk I have sucked is bitter to my mouth, and the odour of the breast
is foul in my nostrils, and I am most miserable.”
But my mother did not understand, nor did the nurse; for the language I spoke
was that of the world from which I came.
And on the twenty-first day of my life, as I was being christened, the priest said
to my mother, “You should indeed by happy, Madame, that your son was born a
Christian.”
And I was surprised,--and I said to the priest, “Then your mother in Heaven
should be unhappy, for you were not born a Christian.”
But the priest too did not understand my language.
And after seven moons, one day a soothsayer looked at me, and he said to my
mother, “Your son will be a statesman and a great leader of men.”
But I cried out,--”That is a false prophet; for I shall be a musician, and
naught but a musician shall I be.”
But even at that age my language was not understood--and great was my
astonishment.
And after three and thirty years, during which my mother, and the nurse, and
the priest have all died, (the shadow of God be upon their spirits) the soothsayer
still lives. And yesterday I met him near the gates of the temple; and while we
were talking together he said, “I have always known you would become a great
musician. Even in your infancy I prophesied and foretold your future.”
And I believed him--for now I too have forgotten the language of that other
world.
Once when I was living in the heart of a pomegranate, I heard a
seed saying, “Someday I shall become a tree, and the wind will sing in my
branches, and the sun will dance on my leaves, and I shall be strong and
beautiful through all the seasons.”
Then another seed spoke and said, “When I was as young as you, I too held such
views; but now that I can weigh and measure things, I see that my hopes were
vain.”
And a third seed spoke also, “I see in us nothing that promises so great a
future.”
And a fourth said, “But what a mockery our life would be, without a greater
future!”
Said a fifth, “Why dispute what we shall be, when we know not even what we
are.”
But a sixth replied, “Whatever we are, that we shall continue to be.”
And a seventh said, “I have such a clear idea how everything will be, but I
cannot put it into words.”
Then an eight spoke--and a ninth--and a tenth--and then many--until all were
speaking, and I could distinguish nothing for the many voices.
And so I moved that very day into the heart of a quince, where the seeds are
few and almost silent.
In my father’s garden there are two cages. In one is a lion, which
my father’s slaves brought from the desert of Ninavah; in the other is a
songless sparrow.
Every day at dawn the sparrow calls to the lion, “Good morrow to thee, brother
prisoner.”
Three ants met on the nose of a man who was asleep in the sun. And
after they had saluted one another, each according to the custom of his tribe,
they stood there conversing.
The first ant said, “These hills and plains are the most barren I have known. I
have searched all day for a grain of some sort, and there is none to be found.”
Said the second ant, “I too have found nothing, though I have visited every
nook and glade. This is, I believe, what my people call the soft, moving land
where nothing grows.”
Then the third ant raised his head and said, “My friends, we are standing now
on the nose of the Supreme Ant, the mighty and infinite Ant, whose body is so
great that we cannot see it, whose shadow is so vast that we cannot trace it,
whose voice is so loud that we cannot hear it; and He is omnipresent.”
When the third ant spoke thus the other ants looked at each other and laughed.
At that moment the man moved and in his sleep raised his hand and scratched his
nose, and the three ants were crushed.
Once, as I was burying one of my dead selves, the grave-digger
came by and said to me, “Of all those who come here to bury, you alone I like.”
Said I, “You please me exceedingly, but why do you like me?”
“Because,” said he, “They come weeping and go weeping--you only come laughing
and go laughing.”
Yestereve, on the marble steps of the Temple, I saw a woman
sitting between two men. One side of her face was pale, the other was blushing.
In my youth I was told that in a certain city every one lived
according to the Scriptures.
And I said, “I will seek that city and the blessedness thereof.” And it was
far. And I made great provision for my journey. And after forty days I beheld
the city and on the forty-first day I entered into it.
And lo! the whole company of the inhabitants had each but a single eye and but
one hand. And I was astonished and said to myself, “Shall they of this so holy
city have but one eye and one hand?”
Then I saw that they too were astonished, for they were marvelling greatly at
my two hands and my two eyes. And as they were speaking together I inquired of
them saying, “Is this indeed the Blessed City, where each man lives according
to the Scriptures?” And they said, “Yes, this is that city.”
“And what,” said I, “hath befallen you, and where are your right eyes and your
right hands?”
And all the people were moved. And they said, “Come thou and see.”
And they took me to the temple in the midst of the city, and in the temple I
saw a heap of hands and eyes. All withered. Then said I, “Alas! what conqueror
hath committed this cruelty upon you?”
And there went a murmur amongst them. And one of their elders stood forth and
said, “This doing is of ourselves. God hath made us conquerors over the evil
that was in us.”
And he led me to a high altar, and all the people followed. And he showed me
above the altar an inscription graven, and I read:
“If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee; for it is
profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that the
whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it
off and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy
members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”
Then I understood. And I turned about to all the people and cried, “Hath no man
or woman among you two eyes or two hands?”
And they answered me saying, “No, not one. There is none whole save such as are
yet too young to read the Scripture and to understand its commandment.”
And when we had come out of the temple, I straightway left that Blessed City;
for I was not too young, and I could read the scripture.
The Good God and the Evil God met on the mountain top.
The Good God said, “Good day to you, brother.”
The Evil God did not answer.
And the Good God said, “You are in a bad humour today.”
“Yes,” said the Evil God, “for of late I have been often mistaken for you,
called by your name, and treated as if I were you, and it ill-pleases me.”
And the Good God said, “But I too have been mistaken for you and called by your
name.”
The Evil God walked away cursing the stupidity of man.
Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness; You are dearer to
me than a thousand triumphs, And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.
Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance, Through you I know that I
am yet young and swift of foot And not to be trapped by withering laurels. And
in you I have found aloneness And the joy of being shunned and scorned.
Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield, In your eyes I have read That
to be enthroned is to be enslaved, and to be understood is to be levelled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one’s fullness and like a ripe fruit to fall
and be consumed.
Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion, You shall hear my songs and my cries an
my silences, And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings, And
urging of seas, And of mountains that burn in the night, And you alone shall
climb my steep and rocky soul.
Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage, You and I shall laugh together with
the storm, And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us, And we
shall stand in the sun with a will, And we shall be dangerous.
“I am like thee, O, Night, dark and naked; I walk on the flaming
path which is above my day-dreams, and whenever my foot touches earth a giant
oak tree comes forth.”
“Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thou still lookest backward to see
how large a foot-print thou leavest on the sand.”
“I am like thee, O, Night, silent and deep; and in the heart of my loneliness
lies a Goddess in child-bed; and in him who is being born Heaven touches Hell.”
“Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thou shudderest yet before pain, and
the song of the abyss terrifies thee.”
“I am like thee, O, Night, wild and terrible; for my ears are crowded with
cries of conquered nations and sighs for forgotten lands.”
“Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thou still takest thy little-self
for a comrade, and with thy monster-self thou canst not be friend.”
“I am like thee, O, Night, cruel and awful; for my bosom is lit by burning
ships at sea, and my lips are wet with blood of slain warriors.”
“Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman; for the desire for a sister-spirit is
yet upon thee, and thou has not become a low unto thyself.”
“I am like thee, O, Night, joyous and glad; for he who dwells in my shadow is
now drunk with virgin wine, and she who follows me is sinning mirthfully.”
“Nay, thou art not like me, O, Madman, for thy soul is wrapped in the veil of
seven folds and thou holdest not they heart in Thine hand.”
“I am like thee, O, Night, patient and passionate; for in my breast a thousand
dead lovers are buried in shrouds of withered kisses.”
“Yea, Madman, art thou like me? Art thou like me? And canst thou ride the
tempest as a steed, and grasp the lightning as a sword?”
“Like thee, O, Night, like thee, mighty and high, and my throne is built upon
heaps of fallen Gods; and before me too pass the days to kiss the hem of my
garment but never to gaze at my face.”
“Art thou like me, child of my darkest heart? And dost thou think my untamed
thoughts and speak my vast language?”
“Yea, we are twin brothers, O, Night; for thou revealest space and I reveal my
soul.”
I have seen a face with a thousand countenances, and a face that
was but a single countenance as if held in a mould.
I have seen a face whose sheen I could look through to the ugliness beneath,
and a face whose sheen I had to lift to see how beautiful it was.
I have seen an old face much lined with nothing, and a smooth face in which all
things were graven.
I know faces, because I look through the fabric my own eye weaves, and behold
the reality beneath.
My soul and I went to the great sea to bathe. And when we reached
the shore, we went about looking for a hidden and lonely place.
But as we walked, we saw a man sitting on a grey rock taking pinches of salt
from a bag and throwing them into the sea.
“This is the pessimist,” said my soul, “Let us leave this place. We cannot
bathe here.”
We walked on until we reached an inlet. There we saw, standing on a white rock,
a man holding a bejewelled box, from which he took sugar and threw it into the
sea.
“And this is the optimist,” said my soul, “And he too must not see our naked
bodies.”
Further on we walked. And on a beach we saw a man picking up dead fish and
tenderly putting them back into the water.
“And we cannot bathe before him,” said my soul. “He is the humane
philanthropist.”
And we passed on.
Then we came where we saw a man tracing his shadow on the sand. Great waves
came and erased it. But he went on tracing it again and again.
“He is the mystic,” said my soul, “Let us leave him.”
And we walked on, till in a quiet cover we saw a man scooping up the foam and
putting it into an alabaster bowl.
“He is the idealist,” said my soul, “Surely he must not see our nudity.”
And on we walked. Suddenly we heard a voice crying, “This is the sea. This is
the deep sea. This is the vast and mighty sea.” And when we reached the voice
it was a man whose back was turned to the sea, and at his ear he held a shell,
listening to its murmur.
And my soul said, “Let us pass on. He is the realist, who turns his back on the
whole he cannot grasp, and busies himself with a fragment.”
So we passed on. And in a weedy place among the rocks was a man with his head
buried in the sand. And I said to my soul, “We can bath here, for he cannot see
us.”
“Nay,” said my soul, “For he is the most deadly of them all. He is the
puritan.”
Then a great sadness came over the face of my soul, and into her voice.
“Let us go hence,” she said, “For there is no lonely, hidden place where we can
bathe. I would not have this wind lift my golden hair, or bare my white bosom
in this air, or let the light disclose my sacred nakedness.”
Then we left that sea to seek the Greater Sea.
I cried to men, “I would be crucified!”
And they said, “Why should your blood be upon our heads?”
And I answered, “How else shall you be exalted except by crucifying madmen?”
And they heeded and I was crucified. And the crucifixion appeased me.
And when I was hanged between earth and heaven they lifted up their heads to
see me. And they were exalted, for their heads had never before been lifted.
But as they stood looking up at me one called out, “For what art thou seeking
to atone?”
And another cried, “In what cause dost thou sacrifice thyself?”
And a third said, “Thinkest thou with this price to buy world glory?”
Then said a fourth, “Behold, how he smiles! Can such pain be forgiven?”
And I answered them all, and said:
“Remember only that I smiled. I do not atone--nor sacrifice--nor wish for
glory; and I have nothing to forgive. I thirsted--and I besought you to give me
my blood to drink. For what is there can quench a madman’s thirst but his own
blood? I was dumb--and I asked wounds of you for mouths. I was imprisoned in
your days and nights--and I sought a door into larger days and nights.
“And now I go--as others already crucified have gone. And think not we are
weary of crucifixion. For we must be crucified by larger and yet larger men,
between greater earths and greater heavens.”
In the shadow of the temple my friend and I saw a blind man sitting
alone. And my friend said, “Behold the wisest man of our land.”
Then I left my friend and approached the blind man and greeted him. And we
conversed.
After a while I said, “Forgive my question; but since when has thou been
blind?”
“From my birth,” he answered.
Said I, “And what path of wisdom followest thou?”
Said he, “I am an astronomer.”
Then he placed his hand upon his breast saying, “I watch all these suns and
moons and stars.”
Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea.
We three are one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together is deep and
strong and strange. Nay, it is deeper than my sister’s depth and stronger than
my brother’s strength, and stranger than the strangeness of my madness.
Aeons upon aeons have passed since the first grey dawn made us visible to one
another; and though we have seen the birth and the fullness and the death of
many worlds, we are still eager and young.
We are young and eager and yet we are mateless and unvisited, and though we lie
in unbroken half embrace, we are uncomforted. And what comfort is there for
controlled desire and unspent passion? Whence shall come the flaming god to
warm my sister’s bed? And what she-torrent shall quench my brother’s fire? And
who is the woman that shall command my heart?
In the stillness of the night my sister murmurs in her sleep the fire-god’s
unknown name, and my brother calls afar upon the cool and distant goddess. But
upon whom I call in my sleep I know not.
Here I sit between my brother the mountain and my sister the sea. We three are
one in loneliness, and the love that binds us together is deep and strong and
strange.
Said a blade of grass to an autumn leaf, “You make such a noise
falling! You scatter all my winter dreams.”
Said the leaf indignant, “Low-born and low-dwelling! Songless, peevish thing!
You live not in the upper air and you cannot tell the sound of singing.”
Then the autumn leaf lay down upon the earth and slept. And when spring came
she waked again--and she was a blade of grass.
And when it was autumn and her winter sleep was upon her, and above her through
all the air the leaves were falling, she muttered to herself, “O these autumn
leaves! They make such noise! They scatter all my winter dreams.”
Said the Eye one day, “I see beyond these valleys a mountain
veiled with blue mist. Is it not beautiful?”
The Ear listened, and after listening intently awhile, said, “But where is any
mountain? I do not hear it.”
Then the Hand spoke and said, “I am trying in vain to feel it or touch it, and
I can find no mountain.”
And the Nose said, “There is no mountain, I cannot smell it.”
Then the Eye turned the other way, and they all began to talk together about
the Eye’s strange delusion. And they said, “Something must be the matter with
the Eye.”
Once there lived in the ancient city of Afkar two learned men who
hated and belittled each other’s learning. For one of them denied the existence
of the gods and the other was a believer.
One day the two met in the marketplace, and amidst their followers they began
to dispute and to argue about the existence or the non-existence of the gods.
And after hours of contention they parted.
That evening the unbeliever went to the temple and prostrated himself before
the altar and prayed the gods to forgive his wayward past.
And the same hour the other learned man, he who had upheld the gods, burned his
sacred books. For he had become an unbeliever.
When my Sorrow was born I nursed it with care, and watched over it
with loving tenderness.
And my Sorrow grew like all living things, strong and beautiful and full of
wondrous delights.
And we loved one another, my Sorrow and I, and we loved the world about us; for
Sorrow had a kindly heart and mine was kindly with Sorrow.
And when we conversed, my Sorrow and I, our days were winged and our nights
were girdled with dreams; for Sorrow had an eloquent tongue, and mine was
eloquent with Sorrow.
And when we sang together, my Sorrow and I, our neighbours sat at their windows
and listened; for our songs were deep as the sea and our melodies were full of
strange memories.
And when we walked together, my Sorrow and I, people gazed at us with gentle
eyes and whispered in words of exceeding sweetness. And there were those who
looked with envy upon us, for Sorrow was a noble thing and I was proud with
Sorrow.
But my Sorrow died, like all living things, and alone I am left to muse and
ponder.
And now when I speak my words fall heavily upon my ears.
And when I sing my songs my neighbours come not to listen.
And when I walk the streets no one looks at me.
Only in my sleep I hear voices saying in pity, “See, there lies the man whose
Sorrow is dead.”
And when my Joy was born, I held it in my arms and stood on the
house-top shouting, “Come ye, my neighbours, come and see, for Joy this day is
born unto me. Come and behold this gladsome thing that laugheth in the sun.”
But none of my neighbours came to look upon my Joy, and great was my
astonishment.
And every day for seven moons I proclaimed my Joy from the house-top--and yet
no one heeded me. And my Joy and I were alone, unsought and unvisited.
Then my Joy grew pale and weary because no other heart but mine held its
loveliness and no other lips kissed its lips.
Then my Joy died of isolation.
And now I only remember my dead Joy in remembering my dead Sorrow. But memory
is an autumn leaf that murmurs a while in the wind and then is heard no more.
God of lost souls, thou who are lost amongst the gods, hear me:
Gentle Destiny that watchest over us, mad, wandering spirits, hear me:
I dwell in the midst of a perfect race, I the most imperfect.
I, a human chaos, a nebula of confused elements, I move amongst finished
worlds--peoples of complete laws and pure order, whose thoughts are assorted,
whose dreams are arranged, and whose visions are enrolled and registered.
Their virtues, O God, are measured, their sins are weighed, and even the
countless things that pass in the dim twilight of neither sin nor virtue are
recorded and catalogued.
Here days and night are divided into seasons of conduct and governed by rules
of blameless accuracy.
To eat, to drink, to sleep, to cover one’s nudity, and then to be weary in due
time.
To work, to play, to sing, to dance, and then to lie still when the clock
strikes the hour.
To think thus, to feel thus much, and then to cease thinking and feeling when a
certain star rises above yonder horizon.
To rob a neighbour with a smile, to bestow gifts with a graceful wave of the
hand, to praise prudently, to blame cautiously, to destroy a sound with a word,
to burn a body with a breath, and then to wash the hands when the day’s work is
done.
To love according to an established order, to entertain one’s best self in a
preconceived manner, to worship the gods becomingly, to intrigue the devils
artfully--and then to forget all as though memory were dead.
To fancy with a motive, to contemplate with consideration, to be happy sweetly,
to suffer nobly--and then to empty the cup so that tomorrow may fill it again.
All these things, O God, are conceived with forethought, born with
determination, nursed with exactness, governed by rules, directed by reason,
and then slain and buried after a prescribed method. And even their silent
graves that lie within the human soul are marked and numbered.
It is a perfect world, a world of consummate excellence, a world of supreme
wonders, the ripest fruit in God’s garden, the master-thought of the universe.
But why should I be here, O God, I a green seed of unfulfilled passion, a mad
tempest that seeketh neither east nor west, a bewildered fragment from a burnt
planet?
Why am I here, O God of lost souls, thou who art lost amongst the gods?
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